"Spider's String" from Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga / "Meltdown" from Requiem for a Dream
VI. One Mind, One Master
(Liara)
After such a wonderful night, here was this juvenile…situation that I was now forced to deal with.
Sitting in the comm room with the rest of the squad that morning, we all waited for Shepard to arrive, and for her to brief us on our mission on Feros. This circular formation of chairs made it impossible to escape everyone's varied ways of passing the time. Wrex, Tali, Garrus, Ashley, Kaidan—each of them kept to themselves, technically, yet even at this hour of the morning, they seemed to have had more life and emotion injected into them, for reasons that had turned me off to complete silence.
Last night, after I'd left Shepard with Ashley in the crew's quarters, I had noticed that I'd had several silenced alerts to my omni-tool. Tali had sent me numerous private messages over the course of many hours, beginning earlier that evening around 7:45pm. She had reached a fever pitch over that time:
[19:43:01] Tali: Liara! Are you and Shepard doing what I think you're doing?! How?! When!?
[19:55:33] Tali: Ummm, so, we (me, Kaidan, Garrus, Wrex) are here in the med bay, kind-of-sort-of accidentally listening to you, and you two sound really into it like you're enjoying yourselves and I totally should not be telling you this I'm so sorry please don't hate me
[20:02:12] Tali: No, no, no, no, no…it can't be Shepard in there with you. Are you…calling her name while you…? I mean, it was more than a little obvious you have a thing for her. Ohh, I don't blame you…
[20:02:56] Tali: Wait, no, I hear her!
[20:05:32] Tali: YOU TWO ARE SO LOUD
[20:11:45] Tali: Keelah, is it that good? Is she? Oh… Oh wow
[20:22:16] Tali: Shepard is going to break your bed!
[20:27:21] Tali: Oh please forgive me… My mind is going places and I can't—no. I should get back to work. Yes, work. To distract myself from these thoughts! I'll, umm, see if you want to have dinner later? A very, very late dinner. And I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight, you know. This is all your fault.
[21:39:45] Tali: Bad news… Joker found out. He wants to join the chat. We can't really tell him no at this point. He found all of us in the med bay and he…overheard you screaming Shepard's name. He's practically one of us now. Oh, and…Dr. Chakwas may have walked by, too… Her face was extremely red.
[21:50:54] Tali: I'm doing my best to keep everyone from talking about this in the main chat room. Ashley doesn't know, and I'm sure this isn't how you would want her to find out. Oh, Keelah, this is going to be weird once she knows. She won't be able to shut up about it, I'm sure. Joker is trying to tell her now. I asked him to wait. We won't do anything more without your permission. It would be rude not to…
[22:31:30] Tali: Hey, Liara… I guess you'll see this later. Kaidan came by to see me while I was (trying to) work. He told me the real reason why Ashley has been acting so strange. Something about an old boyfriend of hers. He asked me to tell you, and for us to keep it to ourselves.
Her reasons check out, but something still feels a little off. I know Kaidan wanted to help us rebuild our friendship with her… I'm not sure how I feel about him going behind her back to tell us about this. I truly want us to be friends with her again. How am I supposed to avoid this? I'm going to have to be honest, and tell her the truth…
[00:26:44] Tali: ARE YOU AND SHEPARD STILL GOING?!
She continued to message me after that, practically delirious from her lack of sleep, among other things.
Once I left Ashley's room, I gave the others permission to speak freely about this in our main chat room.
And then, Tali had messaged Ashley with warnings about Joker's inevitable onslaught of gossip; Joker then did in fact send Ashley several private messages about what she had missed out on.
It had all seemed so inevitable at the time: that Ashley would find out, that she would be crushed.
Even so, I felt my own deliberate intentions in giving the others my permission to gossip.
I accepted that I wanted to crush Ashley over this. On purpose. To shut down her advances on Shepard.
This was as close as I could get to doing just that.
On my left, Wrex smirked and chuckled to himself—non-stop, knowing—while nodding, and muttering Shepard's name in a triumphant sort of praise. All for the way she had 'conquered' me, to be sure.
On my right, Garrus sat exceptionally still. He hardly blinked, only clearing his throat on occasion.
Tali had her hands over her helmet, shaking her head as she mumbled to herself—leaving only me to hear her while everyone else was so preoccupied—"She is…the embodiment of all things, in a single person, and with such duality… The strength and confidence of a man. The beauty and understanding of a woman. What is she? And why do I feel this way…? I can't stop thinking about the way she sounded… If my suit wasn't in the way—could she have given me the same strength she gave to Liara? Oh, no…"
Kaidan had doubled over in his seat, holding himself about his waist, and repeating, "Oh, God. What have I done?! Oh, God, I have to tell Shepard I messed up… Maybe she's in a good mood after…last night… Or maybe I'm screwed," over and over again.
Ashley had her arms folded. She refused to let her true reactions show. On occasion, she would snap at someone—"God, why are you acting so immature about this? What's with you?!"—only for them to ignore her. Other than that, she kept to herself, hiding her pained thoughts behind her scowl.
All of this went on and on, until Shepard arrived right at her scheduled time.
Already in her all-black N7 stealth suit, and with her hair already pulled back into that long, strict tail of hers, Shepard entered the comm room. She held herself with such an attractive, professional sharpness that cut through the foolishness going on around us. Not all of it stopped right away. Glaring at everyone, she caught the last of their attempts to pull themselves out of their moods or stupors.
"What the hell is wrong with you people?" questioned Shepard. "We have a mission! Get it together!"
Everyone else did as they were told, replying with variants of, "Ma'am", "Commander", "Shepard."
Shepard continued, "We've arrived on the planet Feros, not far from Zhu's Hope, a human colony. Saren's geth are causing problems for the colonists and the ExoGeni branch that runs its corporate operations out here. Our objective is to find out why the geth are here, and to eliminate the threat. Saving any colonists or ExoGeni workers is secondary. Any questions?"
Kaidan raised his hand. "Isn't ExoGeni interested in discovering new alien technology? There are lots of Prothean ruins out on Feros. Could be the case that Saren sent his geth to look for another beacon."
Knowing that I knew more about this, Shepard said, "Liara? Thoughts?"
"There are no known Prothean beacons on Feros," I stated. "While there are ample ruins, as you said, Lieutenant, the ones on this planet have been thoroughly explored. If Saren is keen to locate anything here, it would have to be something that we have no records of. Completely uncharted territory."
Wrex asked, "Then how're we supposed to find this thing if it's brand new?"
"We'll learn more once we get to Zhu's Hope," guided Shepard. "Given the number of hostiles that have taken over, we need a full team for this. Let's stick together and take out any geth on our way to the colony. Focus on stripping their shields—Tali, Garrus, I want you two coordinating on tech bursts."
"Roger that," said Garrus.
"Yes, Shepard," agreed Tali.
Shepard ordered, "Once those shields are down, I'd better see some biotic explosions. Liara, Kaidan, Wrex—you know what to do."
Wrex smirked. "Should be fun."
Kaidan's acquiescence—"Commander."
"On your order, Shepard," I accepted.
Shepard's final combat directives: "Ashley, hang back with me to finish off any stragglers. With all the explosions that are bound to go off, I won't bother sniping. I'll do what I can with my sidearm."
"Aye, aye, Ma'am," came Ashley's stoic reply—until she recalled: "Wait a minute… You're an infiltrator, right? Shouldn't you have access to tech abilities, too? Overload, Damping, Sabotage? To use against the geth."
"My specialization doesn't leave room for those standard-grade abilities. I don't need them, anyway."
"What do you mean? Isn't that a serious weakness for you, not having access to those things?"
Tali seemed like she wanted to comment on this, too, but she must have been tongue-tied.
Shepard clarified: "After my N7 training, I received other specialized implants instead—things that help my personal survivability, alone. Like regulating my body temperature in hazardous weather, and an Icarus Landing System augmentation to help me survive most long drops. In extreme situations, I can stave off hunger and exhaustion for weeks at a time. I do my best not to use them unless I need to."
Garrus remarked, "That's pretty badass, Shepard. Sounds to me like you're an N7 Lone Wolf, then."
"Close enough," allowed Shepard. "I can penetrate almost any defenses with my sniper rifle, and I can survive for long periods of time by myself. That falls apart when I'm out in the open and surrounded by an army of hostiles expecting company, like we will be out here on Feros. And I can't have Dr. Chakwas on my ass about abusing my tactical cloak implants. So, in situations like these, it'll be more efficient to let all of you do the heavy lifting. If need be, I can scout around with my cloak in short bursts."
"Glass cannon, huh?" wondered Wrex. "If you get pinned down and can't sprint away, or if you're overwhelmed in close-quarters combat with just your pistol, sounds to me like your worst nightmare."
"Yes, that's my reality."
Each of us looked to one another.
No matter how skilled Shepard was in her own right, she was not invincible. Her shields could keep her safe for some time until she could cloak and escape. Yet without an overwhelming element of surprise, or a proper vantage point, she could not survive or excel in direct fights like the rest of us could. I had my own levels of intensity that I couldn't stand when up against a straight line of fire. But I at least had my biotics to make up for things, given that I had ample space and energy to use my abilities properly.
Shepard didn't have anything similar to fall back on.
We all understood that we had a responsibility to make up for our commander's weaknesses, whether she wished to admit it or not.
Shepard pulled our attention back, "We're done here. Gear up and meet me by the airlock. We'll head out as soon as everyone's ready."
As the others filed out of the comm room, I chose to stay behind.
I watched as Shepard unstrapped that same silver bottle from the back of her stealth suit. She unscrewed the top and drank the contents, only to make a face of revulsion as she swallowed. Walking closer to her, I could smell just how processed and unnatural the drink was, more so as she forced herself to consume more of it.
"This is disgusting," she hissed, holding the bottle out and away.
I asked, "Shepard, what is that?"
"An…energy drink. I didn't sleep at all last night. Hasn't been long enough for my implants to kick in."
"Why didn't you sleep?"
Instead of answering me, she tried, one more time, to keep drinking.
I pressed my lips to hers, sucking.
Shepard let out a sound of surprise into my mouth.
Staggering back, she kept our tasting intertwined, caught in a panic; a swell of her breath and a pour of the artificial bitterness; I hated the taste, yet I fought my own recoil, angling up and harder into her to compensate. Because no matter how much I couldn't stand this drink, having Shepard's lips over mine gave me this wondrous swelling in my heart. Just as I'd felt the night before, all night long.
When we broke away, she covered her mouth with her hand, wiping at what had dripped down.
I looked right at her in deep concentration, licking at what had trickled from my bottom lip.
Such a beautiful crimson knitting through the sunlight of her skin.
"Liara…go suit up," directed Shepard, masking the rest. "The others will start wondering."
"They already know, Commander," I informed her. "We weren't exactly quiet last night."
Shepard didn't seem terribly bothered by this. "All of you, and Joker… Do you have a chat room or something where you message each other? About the Normandy, and about—drama, I guess?"
I saw no point in hiding it any longer: "You aren't supposed to know about it."
"Oh… That explains a lot, actually. Thanks for telling me. I'll…keep this to myself."
"Of course, Shepard. I'll be on my way now."
As I left the room, I felt her eyes on me, and her longing to pull me back, to keep me with her.
Shepard resisted.
The mission came first, after all.
Running and gunning through these swarms of geth as a full group, I found this controlled chaos rather exhilarating—aside from having to step over so many dead human bodies on our way to Zhu's Hope…
I stayed behind Garrus, whom Shepard had ordered to take point, with Tali right next to me. Hurrying through these hallways and stairwells of cracked, ashen cement and rubble, I fell into a rhythm of waiting for the exact moment when Tali and Garrus' organized tech bursts decimated the geth's shields and defenses. And then, in that moment, firing off a singularity field, catching entire units in my hold. Wrex and Kaidan sent their own biotic forces out, detonating the blasts that I had primed for them, explosions rumbling and ricocheting all around us.
Stomping ahead to finish off any holdovers, Wrex was all too happy to headbutt them before firing off his shotgun, leaving many crumpled geth platforms in his wake.
Shepard and Ashley had long-since accepted that they had little to contribute in comparison. So they stayed together at the rear of the group. They said nothing, in-sync as they coordinated with one another: watching our backs as we traversed these halls and staircases.
An air of words unspoken between the two made me glance at them every so often.
That air weighed heavier and more oppressive—to me—than our actual surroundings, of the dense clouds hovering far above the structures we rushed through.
The endless heights of the Prothean skyscrapers raised farther than even those white-gray clouds overhead, standing as majestic memories of the ones who came before. Though I knew nothing awaited within those structures, I couldn't help wondering what it had been like for the early explorers who had discovered the marvels that had been inside those buildings. I had to resist the temptation to re-review the old records those discoveries via my omni-tool.
Anything to distract myself from the now-concerning amount of corpses we ran past.
Anything to make me forget how pensive and peaceable Shepard and Ashley were with one another.
Making light of it all, Wrex shouted toward the back of the group, "How's that glass cannon life treating you, Commander? Racking up kills, getting your game on? Or are you too busy cowering back there?"
Shepard surprised me when she fired back, "Keep talking shit, Wrex! See where it gets you!"
"Hah! That's what I like about you, Shepard. You never back down, even when you should!"
"Yeah, you would say that. Now cut the chatter! We should be close to the colony by now!"
Wrex grinned, following her order with an ease about him.
At the fore, Garrus called, "You were right, Commander! Zhu's Hope looks to be just around this corner and down the hall! I see friendlies standing guard, taking cover down the way! Area looks secure!"
"Good work, Garrus!" replied Shepard, pushing ahead. "All right, let's get in here and take a look around. Find out why the geth are attacking. If the colonists don't have answers, we'll search for alternatives. Everyone, stay behind me and stick together unless I say otherwise. Keep an eye out."
We each gave her our acknowledgment, following Shepard as she led the way through Zhu's Hope.
Finally free from the structures we had trawled through, this late-morning glow over the colony blended in with the rest of the cement I was used to. An almost heavenly light shined through the clouds, with the sun trying its hardest to brighten Feros on this stubborn, dreary day. Yet this place remained bereft of much hope or brightness of any sort. Only the Prothean towers beyond seemed in better shape.
Pockets of structural damage and electrical fires soured the scenery in every sense.
No one that Shepard spoke with had any useful information, preoccupied as they all were:
The humans we passed standing guard—they struggled to wield their guns, fearful that the next geth attack would be the end of them.
Other humans were on their knees, tending to the wounded and the dead piled up next to the flames.
Still others did their best to tend to the colony's water structures, power systems, and other concerns.
The housing compound we walked through held within echoes of the ill and the dying, their wailing only barely reaching us through to this hallway.
And outside of this building, the people walking by—they seemed to go from place to place in a daze, on auto-pilot so to speak. Bringing more resources to their engineers near the freighter controls; making vague complaints about their thirst or hunger, as if they didn't quite know why they needed a meal.
They wandered without wandering.
They thought without thinking.
Their presence lingered around us, long after they turned a corner and disappeared.
Shepard glanced around. "Something doesn't feel right here. What's going on…?"
Kaidan quieted his sharp hiss as he grabbed his forehead.
The others didn't notice, too focused on following Shepard.
I stayed behind to check on Kaidan, yet he shook his head, insisting that he was fine. He had me continue forward with him, catching up with the rest of the team.
Spotting an armed security guard nearby, Shepard approached her, "Hey, are you—?"
The guard raged, "You! You're Shepard, aren't you? The one who was supposed to be here weeks ago?! You are, I know you are! Damn you…"
"We couldn't get here sooner," explained Shepard, scowling in annoyance. "There were other matters that we needed to attend to first. I take it you've suffered heavy casualties from the geth?"
"That's an understatement! We lost our leader, Fai Dan, because you just had to take your sweet time getting here! These people are just regular colonists, and I'm only a security guard! We're not equipped to handle any of this! That was supposed to be your job, and guess what?! You blew it!"
Forcing a calm, Shepard inquired, "Who are you? What's your name?"
"Arcelia! Arcelia Silva Martínez. And you're Commander freaking Shepard, the unprofessional Spectre who doesn't know how to prioritize human lives over whatever other shit's going on in the galaxy!"
"Look, Arcelia, as I said—"
"—Commander, I don't care what you said!" shouted Arcelia. "Do you see this heap of junk around us? You see what this colony's turned into now, because of you?! Before all of this started, I was just some rent-a-cop for ExoGeni, keeping kids from writing graffiti on the walls! Now I'm the leader of this shithole, and people are dying every day under my watch! Do you even know how that feels?!"
Arcelia continued to rant on and on.
She gave us—or Shepard, rather—an earful about the terrible situation here in Zhu's Hope, and on Feros as a whole. She spared no details, sharing her every grievance over her abject helplessness, as well as her cluelessness as to the geth's intentions in continuing to attack the colony.
I expected Shepard to fire back at her with force; to shut down Arcelia's tirade at any moment by now.
The rest of the squad shared looks of worry with me. We braced ourselves for that probable outcome.
However, Shepard said nothing.
She merely gave Arcelia a bored look of disinterest, having tuned out some time ago.
Spotting this, Arcelia shouted louder, needing to break through the commander's indifference.
Taking advantage of the only pause through the speech, Shepard's apathy cut through, "Are you done?"
"Am I done?!" sputtered Arcelia. "You have got to be kidding me! Really! Is that all you have to say?!"
"Listen, I already told you we had other things to deal with first. So now, I need you to stop bitching and let me do my job! Can you do that? Because if you can't, then I'm calling off this operation and heading back to my ship. I have better things to do than to stand here and put up with this trash."
Arcelia yelled back, "You cold-blooded bitch! You're brutal! Heartless! Don't you care about what we've had to suffer here?!"
Shepard waved her hand in dismissal. "Fine, you had your chance," she declared, turning to leave. "Pack it up. We're finished here. This was a waste of my time."
Realizing that this was no bluff, Arcelia relented at long last. "Damnit, Shepard, wait! Wait, I said!"
"Are you done, then?" reiterated Shepard.
"Yes! Yes!" cried Arcelia in desperation. "Now will you please get back here?! I need you to take out these geth… As much as I hate to admit it, you're our only chance. No one else is coming to save us…"
"Finally, some sense. Now, you said you have no idea why the geth are attacking?"
"None whatsoever…"
"Do you know where their base of operations is?"
Arcelia pointed somewhere behind her. "They're stationed out in the main ExoGeni building, down the Prothean skyway. All the workers there are probably dead by now. They sent us to guard this colony while the people here looked for anything the corporation could use. By this point, the colonists aren't going to find anything worth all that much. Still, it's not like we have anywhere else to go."
"Then we should make our way to this ExoGeni building," announced Shepard.
"Wait, not yet!" pleaded Arcelia. "Before you do that, we have other worries here. Water, food, our power supplies—all running dangerously low. At this rate, we'll starve to death or die from dehydration before the geth can take us out. Plus, the geth have some kind of transmitter in the tunnels that needs to be taken out. Could you take care of that for us first? Please, Commander… I hate begging like this."
"We don't have time to run errands, Arcelia. We're here to take out the geth. Nothing more."
As Arcelia buried her face in her hands, I felt the visceral upset of her frustrations.
I touched Shepard's arm, speaking to her, "Commander, would it truly hurt to take the extra time to aid the colonists? We have secured the area—for now, at least. Could we not also help with their supply problem? I feel their pain. This is the least we can do for them, to make up for our late arrival."
Shepard stared straight ahead with an uncharacteristic vacancy, concealing her truest, filthy thoughts.
She then amended, "We'll take care of your supply problem. Who do we talk to about that?"
Back to his old self, Garrus ribbed me.
I swatted his arm away.
Arcelia nearly managed a smile. "They're not hard to spot," she mentioned. "You'll find the people in charge of our supplies in the nearby area. I'm trying not to remember anyone's names in case they end up dead within the next hour… If you take a look around, you'll see them in no time."
"Sounds good," responded Shepard. "I should go. I'll come find you if I need anything else."
"I'll be here, Commander. And—thanks."
We returned indoors to search around, back to the long hallway leading to the various rooms.
Everyone and everything had gone silent. No suffering echoing through the halls; no wailing from before.
Kaidan began to slow down, holding onto his head again.
Shepard noticed right away this time—"Lieutenant? You all right?"
"It's just my migraines, Commander," explained Kaidan, slowing more and more. "I'll… I'll be fine."
Garrus held him steady, worrying, "You push yourself too hard on the way here?"
"No, no, it's my old L2 implants… Gives me headaches from time to time. I'm used to it, you know?"
"I don't know about that, Alenko," expressed Shepard. "Let's get you someplace to lie down. I need to assess this for myself."
"Commander, I'm fine," he insisted, his voice sounding farther and farther away. "I'm… I'm okay. I am."
"I'm not convinced."
Shepard guided Kaidan to the clinical white of a nearby room with a free bed and a few empty chairs. She had the lieutenant lie down over the bed's hard, flat surface, before taking a seat over one of the chairs nearest to him. The rest of us remained near the entrance to the room, watching as Kaidan's breathing grew unsteady within moments. Yet his conditioned remained as such, and did not worsen or grow better for as long as we continued to observe him.
After a short time, Shepard said, "He needs to stay here. I'll keep monitoring him for now. I may have to bring him back to the ship if this gets worse." She looked to Garrus. "I want you to lead the team while I'm here. Get those supplies taken care of—food, water, and power. Start off by finding those people Arcelia mentioned. She said something about a geth transmitter, too. See what you can find out."
"Of course, Commander," complied Garrus, at the ready. "You can count on me! We'll head out now."
"Right. Stay in radio contact. If you need me for backup, I'll get to your location as soon as I can."
Leaving Shepard back at Zhu's Hope left me uneasy.
Regardless of Kaidan's situation, I didn't want to leave her behind. Not for anything.
Trudging through these foul, damp tunnels outside the colony—without her—only worsened my mood.
I remained near the back of the group as we fought more geth, battles blending into one another. Garrus led us at the fore, praising our skills and pushing us forward. Without Shepard here, we were less organized, less focused on impressing her. Straight shooting and casual power usage took precedence over our coordinated explosions, making this whole thing take much longer than it should have.
We had disabled the transmitter some time ago, preventing the geth from communicating with one another about the state of the colonists and their survival. In between these repetitive battles, we searched for ways to restore those supplies.
Taking cover behind a short wall of concrete, I found myself resenting my earlier suggestion already.
Here in this spot, safe from fire, I couldn't stop thinking about Shepard, about the night before.
But then, Wrex took it upon himself to interrupt my daydreaming, approaching me.
I busied myself with more shooting. Conveniently enough, I found that Ashley was almost in my direct line of fire somewhere in front of me. I edged my pistol farther away from her, not wanting to start a scene. This felt useless, anyway, as she, Garrus, and Tali seemed to have things under control up there.
"You're looking pretty comfortable over here, Liara," teased Wrex, bending his large frame over to take cover with me, with part of his kinetic barrier brushing off enemy fire. "Mind if I play hooky with you?"
I gave him a stern reminder: "Wrex, we're in the middle of a fight!"
He laughed. "You're telling me!"
When I continued shooting, and continued ignoring him, Wrex wouldn't accept that. He was clearly interested in speaking to me for some reason or another. And so, he decided to take it upon himself to keep breaking the ice, in the hopes that I would change my mind.
On purpose, Wrex shot just near Ashley's shields, close enough to snap at her with heat—
And close enough for Ashley to shout over her shoulder at us, "Check your fire!"
"What's going on back there?!" demanded Garrus. "If Shepard hears word about any friendly fire, that's my neck on the line! So keep the peace, will you? Let's get the last of these geth down and move out!"
Wrex sniggered in amusement.
I scolded him, "Was that really necessary?"
"Nope, but it sure was funny," claimed Wrex, before throwing the final geth up in the air with his biotics. "There, they're shooting the last ones now. We can get out of these tunnels soon. Stinks down here."
Finally, the gunfire ended—for the time being.
We resumed our search for the alpha varren, as he had run off earlier from his last location.
Nearly twice my size, Wrex trudged alongside me, observing me.
Unable to keep ignoring him, I asked, "Is there something you need?"
"There is," said Wrex. "Wanted to ask you some questions—if you don't mind. You're touchy today."
"What answers could I possibly have for you?"
"Well, let's get the obvious out of the way!"
I rolled my eyes. "Yes, you heard. Last night. I am certain it was very amusing to you."
Wrex smirked, knowing, but only briefly. "Yeah, it was," he replied, level-headed. "Not in the way you're thinking, though. Always figured you and Shepard had a thing for each other. Glad you two finally did the deed. Sounds to me like it was well worth it. She's got a knack for impressing me, I'll say."
"You mean, you already knew?"
"We all knew. Since day one. Everyone except Ashley. She's still acting like this is some huge shock."
Why did no one tell me before if it was that noticeable?
"It's real simple," continued Wrex. "When you and Shepard are in a room together, there's sparks flying everywhere. We see it, all the time. Reminds me of some old love tales I know from my clan…" He sighed, dejected. "I won't bore you with those. Tali might want to hear about them. I'll ask her later."
"When you mentioned your clan just now, you sounded so…sad about it."
"Hmm, yeah, guess so. Living with the genophage—that's what it does to you. I'm proud of my clan. Proud to be Clan Urdnot. But we lost our real pride long ago. Now we're just guns for hire outside of Tuchanka. And if we are back on our destroyed rock for a homeworld, all we do is fight. It never ends."
I wondered, "Is this somehow linked to me? To the commander as well?"
Wrex found much pain in asking me, "What's it like, Liara? To be that…passionate about something?"
My heart broke for him. "Wrex…"
"Listening to you two, it got me thinking too much. I learned to shut off my emotions, see? Stop caring about most things. Guns, killing, and earning credits—that's it. Nothing else. You and Shepard make me wonder what it's like to have those kinds of feelings again. To not be so…desensitized to the galaxy, to the problems my people suffer."
"Krogan apathy does seem to be an epidemic," I noted. "At the same time, I don't blame you for living the way you do. The genophage is an insurmountable problem that your people face. If the solution feels impossible, then why dwell on the issue at all? Better to focus your attentions elsewhere…"
"That's how I dealt with it for the longest," agreed Wrex.
"Until now?"
"Until now…"
"But, Wrex…why us? Why has this awakened such an existential crisis in you?"
"Wasn't only you two at first," he explained. "Hanging around with all of you crazy kids, you make me laugh every day. Wasn't expecting that when I joined up. Not one bit. Makes me feel like there's a way out of the hell we krogan suffer year after year. Then I heard that passion from you two! That—undeniable thing. I realized I feel something similar for my people. It's just buried deep right now."
"What would it take for you to feel that again?"
Wrex knew: "Hope. I wish I had hope. Like when I was younger, when I believed there was a way to solve this mess. Then I got older, more cynical. I stopped believing. Never stopped caring, though."
"Perhaps you shouldn't punish yourself for caring," I suggested. "If you forgive yourself for feeling the way you do, that may help. Whether there is a solution to the genophage or not, would it really hurt to accept your emotions, instead of fighting them? The rest may be able to resolve itself over time."
"Huh, yeah… Sounds like you may be right, Liara. Turns out you've got some good insight on this stuff."
We then smiled at one another, so unexpected.
My smile soon faded, however, once I remembered that Shepard wasn't here with us.
Wrex nudged me, recommending, "Why don't you give her a call? Check up on her and Alenko."
"Yes, I'll do that now. Thank you, Wrex…" Dialing into the group's frequency, I wished that she and I had our own private means of calling one another—"Shepard, are you there? Is everything all right?"
Wrex, along with Garrus, Tali, and Ashley all listened in as well, staying silent.
No one needed to ask why I had decided to call her.
"I'm here, Liara," replied Shepard, warming me. "Kaidan's resting in that room. His migraine hasn't gone away, but it's not getting any worse, either. I'm taking a look around the colony. These people are trying to act normal. I don't buy it. Something's off about them. It's like they're hiding some secret here."
I needed to know first—"How are you doing?"
Shepard paused, knowing that the others listened in. "I'll tell you later. Status report."
"We are hunting for an alpha varren at the moment, Commander. His meat will help the colonists with their current food shortage. Aside from that, we are making short work of the geth out here."
"Good. Keep at it."
There was so much that I wished to say to her; so much that I could not say to her, not right now.
Listening to the sheer space between us, I picked up on this unusual feeling…
I asked once more, "Shepard, how are you?"
Buying time—"Are you worried about me?"
"I am now, yes," I said, unable to keep my emotions out. "Is there something wrong? Please…tell me."
Another pause, and then she dimmed her voice low, bristly: "…I have a headache, too. Not sure why."
I reminded her: "You didn't sleep at all last night."
Shepard insisted, "No, it's not related to that. I'm awake; I'm fine. This just came out of nowhere."
"How bad is your headache?"
Lower, deeper, "It's…bad. Actually started earlier when that Arcelia wouldn't stop yelling at me. It's gotten worse since then. I'm only walking around now through brute-force. And these fucking things—" Shepard sniffled and blew out air, her nose irritated. "What are these spores everywhere? This is allergy hell! Why did my intel on this place not mention any of this shit? Someone dropped the ball, big-time."
"Shepard, that doesn't sound normal at all," I worried, making eye contact with Garrus. He nodded to me; we all began hurrying back to Zhu's Hope. "Where are you right now?"
"I'm watching this engineer over here by the freighter crane controls. She's acting like she needs to fix the control panel so badly, like the thing is broken. Looks fine to me. I'm going to move this crane and see where it leads. I swear, if they have some illegal, hazardous materials stashed underneath this place…"
"Commander, I don't think that is the best idea—"
"—I'll be okay, Liara. Focus on getting that alpha varren, and then come back here. I'm heading out."
"Shepard, wait! Please don't do this!"
The way my heart dropped as she dropped the line, our only line to speak, to stay near one another…
Tali looked back to me, confirming the worst: "She cut all communications to her omni-tool. You're right—this isn't normal. She was acting so strange…"
Ashley bolted ahead. "We'd better move it! And fast! Shepard's in trouble!"
"Ah, shit," fretted Wrex, preparing himself for the run.
Garrus rallied everyone, "Let's get back to the colony, now! Double-time!"
That putrid smell from the tunnels: it compounded and expanded as we neared Zhu's Hope once again.
Inhuman sounds from the human colony: wailing, howling, and a curdling of pungent liquids deep within the throats of the beings that now neared us.
Bipedal, lunging, burned skin, and limping toward our group in hordes—these creepers assailed us, blocking our entry. The colonists that had once been here at this entrance, standing guard—they were no more, having either fallen or turned into these things, just like everyone else.
Rippling shots from Ashley's assault rifle blasted at them first, head-first. "Punch through!" she ordered. "Make an opening! I don't care what these damned things are! Kill them and find Kaidan. Find Shepard!"
Garrus and Wrex joined me in following suit, firing off our guns and abilities in an unfocused frenzy, tech and biotic in a cacophony at once.
Each time these creepers died, they let out more of that putrid, rancid acid in their wake.
We stepped over it all, onward into the colony, past the flames, the rubble, the corpses, all.
Tali stepped back, hesitating, shotgun in-hand. "But what if… What if they've turned into these…?"
"There's no way, Tali!" barked Ashley, pushing forward; mowing down an entire wall of creepers. "It's those spores the commander mentioned! The colonists have been exposed to them for way longer than Kaidan and Shepard have! They can't have turned! They're here somewhere—focus up and find them!"
Sensing Tali's lingering doubts, Garrus spoke to her as he fired his own gun, "The chief's right! We can't hold back, not for anything! Now come on, Tali—we need your help to keep pushing through! The freighter is just up ahead! Kaidan should still be there!"
Wrex nodded to Tali, caring.
I gave her a single look that spoke to my need to find Shepard, soon.
Hiding her fears away, Tali moved ahead with her shotgun, bolstering Ashley's flank.
During this push, I took stock of my own worries, wondering why I hadn't lost myself over this.
Considering this, really considering it, I found solace in the bond that Shepard and I shared together. I found something tangible to hold onto: this undeniable feeling that she was still alive, that she was still out there—near here—somewhere, someplace. And she was herself. I could feel her heart palpitations and the quickness of her migraine-pulsing thoughts, all transposed over mine, quicker and quicker; matching this rush I felt from battle; convincing me that she wasn't all right, but at least she was alive.
We had our connection.
Primal, primitive—I had marked her as my territory last night. Lines drawn, I'd made myself clear.
Shepard belonged to me.
I knew that she would fight back if I said the words out loud. She was our leader. She had too much pride to face otherwise, to accept anything else. Yet the fact remained:
She was mine.
I fought with this conviction, accessing a new skill floor with my biotics—one that I had been avoiding.
As a mirror of my new strength, a powerful blast of biotics blew out as bright blue from the housing compound. Creepers decapitated and sent flying, the corpses scattered across the ground in front of us. That unknown substance reeked out from the corpses, bubbling as ooze—a rotten, compost-like stench.
Kaidan limped out from the building, gripping his head.
"Lieutenant!" said Ashley, hurrying over to support him. He nearly collapsed against her. "Kaidan, are you with us? Are you okay?! Have you seen the commander?"
"She left…a while ago," he muttered. "I fell asleep for a bit. Woke up to one of those things trying to claw my face off… No idea where the heck they came from. God, my head's killing me…"
Garrus surveyed the area. "Looks like they're gone for now."
"Shepard is still missing," worried Tali. "She mentioned a freighter crane and a control panel. We need to find them if we have any chance of following her trail! Oh, I hope she's all right…"
Wrex pointed out, "Alenko's not looking too good. Think one of us can escort him back to the ship?"
Ashley pulled up her radio. "Shore party to Normandy. Shore party to Normandy! Joker, do you copy?"
Joker responded, "I hear you, shore party! I was just about to call you guys! We've got a bunch of zombie-things pounding at the hull, trying to claw their way in here! It's crazy!"
"How many are there?" asked Ashley. "Can you hold out?"
"Uhh, there's literal waves of these nut-jobs out here! But yeah, the ship can hold 'em. Don't recommend fighting your way through this crap, though. The odds aren't looking too good for extraction… Hey, hang on! Ash, why are you calling me? Where's Shepard?!"
"We're…looking for her. We got separated, and then those things attacked. I'm guessing she went looking for the source. We're doing our best to catch up."
"I don't like the sound of that one bit. Just find her and get back here, all right? We'll hold on for as long as we can!"
"Copy that… Williams out." She then looked to all of us. "Looks like that escort is a no-go. Kaidan, can you hang on for the rest of the mission? If we take out whatever's causing these spores, I'm betting that'll make your headache go away. Shepard's probably found it by now. I really don't want her fighting that thing all by herself."
"Yeah, Ash," promised Kaidan, taking deep breaths. "I'm okay. Locating Shepard's our top priority."
"Right. Let's take a look around—see if we can find that control panel the commander talked about. And we should stick together. There might be more of those creepers on the way…"
We all fell into step behind Ashley as she took point.
She searched with a quieted vengeance, leaving no corner of Zhu's Hope unexamined.
I allowed her to do this, on the outside, ceding this control to her. Inward, I remained focused on my link with Shepard. I felt that I was close to a breakthrough, to being able to tap into her sight and her other senses, even from this distance. If I could feel her, as one, then that would help me find her…
Seeing through Shepard's eyes, disoriented, I saw her view of the cement-ceiling far above. Feeling through her, I felt a similar cold, hard cement under her back, the pop of her spine rolling against the ground as she moved in place, breathing hard. I saw the fit of her stealth suit over her arms, her hands—how those same hands, she used to push at someone on top of her.
That someone: an asari with unnatural, green skin and feral face markings; the tight, form-fitting, black-striped uniform belonging to an asari commando; and eyes blackened with her attempts to penetrate Shepard's mind—succeeding, but not fully.
Behind the asari, looming far overhead, was a massive, squid-like creature, its many dark tentacles lodged into the rise of the landings, keeping it in place. Its control over the asari made plain, it sent more creepers toward the scene to overwhelm, to dominate, to conquer.
"What keeps the Thorian at bay?!" hissed the asari, deranged as she fought to keep Shepard down. "You are powerful, indeed! Yet your mind should be pliable to the Thorian's influence above all else—ripe for the taking! Who denies the Old Growth's will? Who has indoctrinated you, marked you as their territory with such childish anxiety, such sickening desperation?! Tell me, human!"
Struggling hardest, Shepard kicked the asari back. "Fuck off!" she cursed. "Stay the hell out of my head!"
Finishing the job, she then shoved the asari down the bottomless drop beneath the Thorian—
Only for the creature to open its mouth, rancid ooze seeping: another green asari appeared, an exact clone of the last. Plopped out over her feet, the clone grinned at Shepard with a wickedness, determined to penetrate her again—to keep raping her mind until the Thorian found its control over her.
Nearly flanked by the legion of creepers hobbling closer, Shepard had no choice but to cloak and run.
I ran off, breaking away from the group. I knew exactly where to go.
"Liara?! Hey!" called Ashley after me. "Damnit… Everyone after her! She could be onto something!"
Rounding the corner behind the housing compound, I found that control panel.
I sensed that she had been here at some point, but…
Tali rushed ahead of me to the panel. "Someone tried to destroy it!" she said, surveying the cracking electricity and sizzling smoke. "Hang on—I'll do what I can to get this working again. If we can lift this crane, then that should lead us to where Shepard is!"
Breathing hard with adrenaline that was not my own, I stared at the structure nearby. This was the final obstacle in our way. This was all that stood between us saving Shepard, or her falling to the panic and chaos underneath us, far underground.
In the near-distance, I heard that inhuman howling, again—tenfold.
"We've got company!" announced Wrex, pulling out his shotgun. "It's those creepers!"
"Tons of them," noted Garrus. "They're coming from both sides of the freighter! We're surrounded!"
The sheer number of those things was unlike anything we'd seen last time.
As much as I believed in our team, we didn't stand a chance against something like this.
That Thorian must have been controlling these creatures. We had to kill it in order to make this all end.
Losing my patience, I focused my energies on this single obstacle. Locking my biotics to it, pulling at it—I worked everything I had against this immeasurable weight. Determined to lift it up and out of the way, I defied my own boundaries, needing to get to Shepard, to protect her, to get her out of harm's way. I couldn't let her die like this; I couldn't let some other thing take her away, to take her mind from me!
Ashley hunkered down with Garrus on the left side. "I'll hold this flank with you, Garrus! Kaidan, Wrex, defend the right side! Don't let them get through to Tali and Liara!"
Cloaked and hidden, Shepard remained in a corner near a set of stairs, collecting herself.
Prowling creepers ran right by her, searching in scores. That asari clone joined the horde in their trek, determined to find her. The Thorian hovered over this game of hide and seek, its immense size taking up the entire space beyond the walls and endless stairwells, watching the proceedings.
Tugging pain against the very tissue in her brain—Shepard could not remained cloaked for much longer. Not without great risk. Although her head no longer throbbed with the pains of a migraine, her abused implants now posed a much greater threat.
Struggling to keep her breathing steady, and quiet, she looked around.
The Thorian's tentacles remained lodged within certain spaces of the landings. Clamped against the cement surfaces, the creature maintained its equilibrium over that long drop, preventing itself from falling into the unknown abyss far below. Destroying its hold over the landings would have surely caused the Thorian to fall to its death, ending the onslaught of those creepers, as well as the asari clones.
Pushing herself to remain cloaked a while longer, Shepard retrieved her sniper rifle from over her back. Silent steps, silent breathing, she crossed the space to the nearest of the Thorian's many limbs. This king of limbs, she needed to take down, even if she was forced to do this alone. Avoiding more creepers and the maniacal intent of that clone, she soon reached an adequate location to shoot from.
Ignoring how impractical it was to fire her sniper rifle from this point-blank range, she shot the limb.
Cries of pain and wailing, gigantic size flailing, the Thorian suffered the blow—the first of many.
A single, powerful shot. She could fire only once, get the job done, and then move without being spotted.
Uncloaking for a second after firing, Shepard had refreshed her tactical cloak implants, before going invisible once more. The enemies followed the source of the noise from her shot, nearly discovering her. Dodging them all, Shepard slipped around them, head over to the creature's next weak point.
Ashley and Garrus on one side, Wrex and Kaidan on the other—they continued to hold the line, even as that line shortened and thinned with each passing minute, each passing shot.
Brute-forcing with my biotics, I had made a dent in this structure, lifting it, but not nearly enough.
Tali made a breakthrough with the repairs—"There, I've almost got it! If I can tweak this a little more, Liara, you'll have an easier time moving the whole thing! I only need a few more minutes!"
Pistol in-hand, Kaidan fell to one knee. "Damnit, not now!" he cursed, grabbing his head again. "Why—why is it telling me…to do this?! She's my friend!"
Ashley yelled over her shoulder, "Get it together, Alenko! We need you!"
"Argh, this pain—it's too much! It won't stop… Won't stop, not unless I…!"
"Kaidan, whatever it's telling you to do, don't do it! Fight it, LT! You hear me?!"
Alone on his flank, Wrex resorted to moving into melee range. Headbutting, close-range shooting of his shotgun, smacking creepers away with the sheer strength in his arms—he was powerful enough to hold his own. Yet the raw numbers of enemies was bound to wear him down after a while, inevitably so.
I pushed my biotics as hard as they could go.
"Almost there," muttered Tali in concentration, focusing on the control panel. "Nearly there, nearly there… I just need to—" Her shields rippled in protection from sudden gunfire her way. She shouted in a panic: "Kaidan! What are you doing?!"
Ashley nearly snapped her neck as she turned around. "What the—?"
Nearly breaking my own focus, I could only watch as Kaidan fired his pistol at Tali again.
Tali ducked behind the control panel, taking cover. "Are you insane?!" she screamed. "Have you lost your mind, Kaidan!? I'm on your side, remember?" He fired at her again. "Damnit, stop shooting at me!"
"Lieutenant, stop!" ordered Ashley, approaching him, assault rifle drawn. "Alenko! I'm warning you!"
Garrus, also in close-range, stomped on a creeper's head as he bellowed, "Do you need me to step in?!"
Wrex added, mid-headbutt, "I'm a little busy here!"
Ashley told them, "No! You two, keep holding our flanks! I'll take care of this!"
Distracted as Kaidan was, firing at Tali in a mind-numbing repetitiveness, he left himself open:
Ashley balled her fist with her full anger—anger over his thrall, over his betrayal; over something else.
She punched the lieutenant's jaw, knocking him out cold.
"That did the trick!" called Garrus, fighting harder to hold the line by himself over there.
Tali sighed in relief. "I'll say… Thanks, Ashley."
"Yeah, no problem," replied Ashley, standing over Kaidan's unconscious form. "Must be some kind of mind control with those headaches… He might wake up and start shooting at us again. I won't take any chances. I'll stay here while the guys do the heavy lifting. Speaking of that—"
Creaking of metal, weight cracking and crumbling against the force of my biotics; safeguards and locks bending and breaking. The obstacle moved at long last. Lifting this higher, I threw the impossible weight of this crane off at a distance, listening as it crashed into a faraway flame somewhere.
With that crashing, I ran down the stairs, delving deep underground to find Shepard.
"Well, damn!" praised Ashley, watching me run off once more. "Liara, wait a minute!" Knowing full-well that I wouldn't wait for her—not while I could feel Shepard's presence, nearing—she changed her plans: "Tali, keep an eye on Kaidan! If you have to, help Garrus and Wrex if they're about to get overrun. I'm going after Liara! Whatever's down there can't be good… Hopefully Shepard's still in one piece!"
Tali agreed, "Right, I'm on it! You go on ahead!"
Bolting down to this lair of concrete, I primed my biotics, ready to run into more of those creepers.
Or that asari clone.
Arriving at this familiar platform, all I found was the Thorian looking down at me from its precarious perch. Only a single one of its limbs remained tangled above, supporting its weight over this impossible drop. In such a vulnerable, perilous position, this creature could but challenge me with a look alone.
Somehow, Shepard hadn't fallen victim to the Thorian's thrall. Not as the lieutenant had.
And now I knew for certain that she hadn't: I heard another shot of fire from Shepard's sniper rifle, from somewhere up above. Loudness ricocheting off of these cold, hard walls, the Thorian's rumbling, falling, wailing joined that cacophony, ear-piercing in turmoil. That gigantic size of such an ancient-looking being—the Thorian fell from its perch, fell to that unending dark down below; fell to its ultimate death.
Those far-off wails from the creepers ceased—both from here in this underground opening, and far above-ground where the others were.
Searching around, I called out, "Shepard? Shepard, are you there?! Please, answer me!"
"Liara?"
Up on the landing above, I spotted the commander looking winded, but untouched from her stealth.
Holstering her sniper rifle over her back, Shepard vaulted over the railing in front of her. She then landed on her feet with that same ease and comfort I remembered. Limping a bit, she walked toward me, standing strong as the eternal sunlight she was to me, as always.
I crossed the distance between us first, gripping Shepard around her waist; not caring about this smell.
Shepard was here. She was here, finally, and she was safe. I could breathe again, no longer needing to wring our connection dry simply to keep a hold over her. I could allow my heart to beat again, knowing that she was here with me. Because without her, I couldn't function. Not even my own involuntary functions could work as they should have, on that automatic timing. I had been on fumes without her, on-edge without her. I had lost some part of me, and now I had it back, brighter than before.
Tentative, Shepard held me back, whispering my name this time, "Liara…"
I held her even tighter. "Don't ever do that again… Please, don't."
She could find no promises to give me, no words other than—"I'm sorry I worried you."
I hadn't just worried.
She knew it, too.
Her speechlessness gave away how much she knew, how much she sensed of me.
Right along the top of my head, I felt the way Shepard's pulse pounded against my crests in yearning.
More than that, I felt a change in her.
Something within her mind had grown, shifted. Or perhaps there was something there that I had never noticed before. Something that, to my mind's eye, felt and tasted like that asari clone that had violated her, probing her mind with such viciousness. Whether intentional or not, the asari had given Shepard something of her, something of the Thorian.
Whatever it was, this new article felt distinctly Prothean, shifting Shepard's mind as such.
More footsteps from the stairs, approaching us:
Ashley found us here, quite unable to look up from the ground.
"Ashley," said Shepard, ending our embrace. "You made it."
"Yeah… Hey, Skipper. Glad you're okay. Then again, can't say I'm surprised. Griffons never die, after all."
Shepard asked with an ease about her, "A griffon, huh? Is that what you think I am?"
Ashley smiled to herself. "Yep," she murmured. "Anyway, what happened? How did you survive?"
"It wasn't easy. I had to take out some giant…squid-thing. A Thorian. It was trying to get into my head."
"Explains what happened to Kaidan," recalled Ashley. "He went off the deep-end… Started shooting at us. I had to knock him out cold. I'm guessing he'll be fine once he wakes up."
Shepard nodded. "You made the right call, Chief. Kaidan should be back to normal in no time."
"And if he isn't…?"
"Then I'll deal with it if I have to."
Ashley listened far above. "I don't hear anything from them. Hopefully they're recovering after the fight. Should we get going?"
Shepard surveyed the area first. Spotting something along a nearby wall, she retrieved her sidearm, approaching the anomaly: a large, pulsing sac that looked like it once belonged to the Thorian. I sensed life within the flesh there. Someone was in there—someone no doubt associated with that unknown creature the commander had disposed of.
Collapsing from the sac, an asari commando appeared, caked and coated in the transparent sludge from within the space. Skin of violet, struggling to stand; this person seemed normal enough. Yet those green clones had been of her. I recognized the pattern of markings over her face, so feral.
Shepard aimed her pistol down at this asari commando's head, primed to shoot.
"Commander Shepard, wait!" pleaded the asari, holding her hands up. "I am not your enemy! Please, you must understand—those clones of mine who attacked you, that was not of my own will…"
"How do you know my name?" asked Shepard.
The asari chanced making eye contact with her. "When my clone melded with you, I learned…you. I learned all that I could about you, Commander. I understood why the Thorian was so angry with you, as well as with the one who clings to your mind. I only wish to offer guidance and assistance."
After taking a moment to reconsider, Shepard holstered her gun. "Fine," she accepted. "Who are you?"
Standing now, and stepping away from the fallen sac, the asari replied, "My name is Shiala. I am—I was a disciple of Matriarch Benezia." She regarded me. "And you…you must be her daughter. Liara. She kept many photographs of you, many records of your accomplishments. She looked over them often, usually with regret. I believe she misses you dearly after you parted ways. She would like to make amends."
I turned away, not wanting any reminder of my mother at a time like this.
I refused to look at Ashley, as well, who glared at me in such disbelief, in such a hateful awe. At last, she had some measure of understanding about me, even if it had not come firsthand from my own words. Even so, she and I had no reason to make amends at this point—the same as with my mother.
"I apologize, Liara," expressed Shiala. "I served with your mother for two hundred years. I still remember the day you were born—how you brought Lady Benezia such joy. But…if you would rather avoid this matter, then I will abide by your wishes. Please forgive me."
Shifting the topic, Shepard questioned, "Shiala, what are you doing in a place like this? If you served under Liara's mother, how did you end up here?"
"When Lady Benezia decided to join Saren, she hoped to guide him down a gentler path. After she gave each of her disciples the option of staying or leaving her side, I chose to join her. However, Saren eventually twisted her, corrupted her mind with his unnatural influences. Following that influence, I was sent here to communicate with the Thorian with my biotics, in the hopes of gaining something."
"Something," repeated Shepard, rubbing her head. "You gave it to me, didn't you? Or at least, your clone did by accident."
"Yes, the Cipher," confirmed Shiala. "It is the endemic, ancestral memory of what it means to be a Prothean, to think like one. It is their collective unconscious, spanning many generations. After melding with the Thorian, I also gave this gift to Saren, to aid in his quest to find the Conduit. He knows that you are following his trail, Commander. And so he sent the geth here to destroy all remnants of the Thorian, to prevent you from locating it or the Cipher. He did not count on what happened here today."
"Yeah, well, the Thorian was pretty pissed at me. I had no choice but to find it and take it out."
Shiala explained, "The Thorian was not a predatory creature. In fact, it had long outlived the Protheans, and it had preceded their existence as well. This is how it had the Cipher in the first place—through direct knowledge of the ones who came before. It was once content to remain here, refusing to draw attention to itself. However, your presence frightened it, threatened its very survival. It had to act."
"What, by giving me a headache? Trying to infect me with its spores?"
"The colonists who lived here had also been infected to some extent. The Thorian guided the humans to protect it, to keep any outsiders from locating its presence here. You may have received the usual side-effect of that headache, yet you were not fully compelled to act in the creature's thrall. It is…strange."
Shepard remembered: "Your clone said something to me… About how I'm indoctrinated already."
Shiala paused in humble recollection. "Yes, this is true," she agreed. "It is as with Lady Benezia—she is in service to Saren's thrall, a slave to his will. This is due to the massive vessel they travel with: the ship named Sovereign. That very ship causes a similar kind of indoctrination in its subjects. However, the one the Thorian sensed from you is different."
"Different how…? And how the hell am I indoctrinated at all?! I feel fine! I feel like—me. So how can I be under someone else's control?"
Control. Sex. Spoken word. Domination.
Trust. Subspace. Resisting outside influences. One mind, one master.
"I am afraid I can only speculate, Commander," answered Shiala. "From what I observed, your existing indoctrination prevented the creature's spores from infecting you, as they infected the colonists. You felt the overwhelming attempts from the Thorian to control your mind. And yet you were kept safe, as you are already under someone else's control. Just as I had only one master in Lady Benezia—not Saren, and not Sovereign—you experience something similar, but on a much deeper level."
"Yeah, but…weren't you a slave to Saren, too? You had to be indoctrinated! You weren't only following Benezia's orders. You did what Saren wanted when you melded with the Thorian."
"Unfortunately, yes, that is correct…"
Shepard asked in frustration, "Then how am I any different from you? What's the big deal here?!"
Shiala gave us her interpretation: "Commander Shepard, unlike me, and unlike many others, your will is stronger than any steel. Your mind is set within the oldest, toughest of stones. And the…taste surrounding your indoctrination—it is elevated, but in chaos. It is of the gods. As if the person holding onto your mind views you with that greatness, lifting you with the very determination of those gods.
"As ancient and as wondrous as the Thorian was, I sense another, greater vastness in the powers that now protect you from outside influences. These powers, once-dormant, have been activated by a different Cipher that now resides within your mind, bringing about this chaos. Your powers thrive off of this separate Cipher as much as they are utterly repulsed by its mere presence. It is a Cipher that no ordinary person would come across—only one who has thoroughly studied, obsessed over, and made it their life's work to fully understand the new gods who are now in chaos within you. That is all I can discern."
In Shepard's silence, I felt the strength of how much she wished to look at me.
She hesitated, and doubted, as did I.
Of the gods…
Of the goddess? Athame?
I had not devoted my life's work to studying Her. And so, if Shiala's speculations were correct, this person could not have been me. Aside from my habit of expressions—by the goddess—I was not remotely religious. I had rebelled against my mother's efforts in attempting to make a religious scholar out of me. So this was not, could not have been me…
But if it was not me, then who else could it have been?
"Liara, Commander Shepard—I see that you are both troubled," observed Shiala. "However, please know it is possible that I am mistaken. After all, I can only describe this taste. I can only define how things appear from this unknown person's point of view. And even then, this is skewed further by causes I cannot know. Were I able to see the situation from the outside, with my own eyes, as well as with the knowledge I have gained from the Thorian, I could perhaps offer a more truthful summary."
"Don't worry about it," offered Shepard, sounding distant. "Looks like I'll have to find out more on my own. Maybe Saren will have the answers I need—or the Conduit, whatever it is. I'll keep searching." Collecting herself, she then asked, "What about you? The colonists are all dead. I'm pretty sure my team killed just about everyone on this planet who turned into those creepers. Where will you go?"
"If you allow it, I will find my own way across the galaxy. In learning you, you have piqued my interest in these gods, this alternate form of indoctrination. I would like to discover and learn more about what we have discussed here. Should you give me permission to do this, perhaps we will meet again one day."
"You don't plan on going back to Benezia?"
Shiala mourned, "No, I cannot… Her mind belongs to Saren now. Although, I do hope that you can bring an end to her suffering. She also has information that may be vital to the success of your mission."
Shepard looked to me. "Liara? How do you feel about heading to Noveria next?"
I gave her the only answer I could: "You know that I shouldn't avoid my mother any longer, Commander. I would like to settle things with her. As soon as possible. After this conversation, I feel that I need to."
"Understood. We'll get the others, head back to the ship, and leave to Noveria as soon as we can. Shiala, you helped us out, so you're free to go. Hopefully we can all find the answers we're looking for."
Shiala bowed her head to us. "Thank you, Commander. May fortune smile upon you."