Requiem of the Goddess

by Yoshiyuki Ly

Goddess of mind, goddess of heart - closed-off without consent, She cannot flourish; unlocked to the universe in trust and control, She protects from all outside influences. Only one sits atop the throne of Shepard's subjectivity. Ashley/FemShep, Liara/FemShep. Miranda/FemShep, Aria/FemShep. Power plays, intense loves. Renegon Infiltrator FemShep. Spans the Mass Effect Trilogy.

39. Old Blood

"The Culmination" from Moonlight / "Mordin" from Mass Effect 2

XXXIX. Old Blood

(Miranda)

Finishing up this initial report on the Collectors, I listened to classical music as I worked at my desk. Soothing, stimulating. I could focus. I could give myself to this task. Even though, at the same time, I had other thoughts plaguing the back of my mind. Plaguing so, yet not so worrying. Merely a constant effect.

Feeling somewhere in between withdrawn and not, secure and not, I wasn't sure where to stand. I questioned the matter of that arrangement Shepard and I were supposed to have with Tali. Even though I wasn't suspicious or jealous as I'd assumed I would be, something else had crept back up instead. That constant need to have more control over where Shepard was and who she interacted with—it was this I couldn't get over. The mere idea of leaving the situation up to chance—God forbid, never knowing if Shepard was in Tali's room or not while we were apart—had already driven me insane. Undeniably so.

I certainly trusted Shepard. That lack of control bothered me too much—and my own insecurities.

I'd started having second-thoughts about all of this. Serious second-thoughts. As much as I breathed in my anxiety, I breathed in the smell of those violet roses Shepard had given to me for our first date on Valentine's Day. Everlasting, they reminded me of how beautiful this was—what she and I had together.

Yet I knew I was compromised.

How had the Illusive Man talked me into this so easily? He should've known that I'd only make myself sick worrying over everything. He should've known that I couldn't handle sharing Shepard with anyone!

Why would he do such a thing?

Besides, that talk with Tali hadn't gone as I'd expected. Instead of a possible threat worthy of my fixations, I'd found a small, uncertain child. Slightly drunk from the single drink she'd had with me at the bar. Wallowing. Not at all leveraging her power over me as my boss had warned. Such cognitive dissonance.

All of this compounded with Shepard's acute distance from me lately…it was almost too much to handle.

I couldn't help fearing that this would break us apart.

And then there was Aria. I knew that Shepard found her attractive. I'd harbored my own nagging thoughts during the last shore leave, wondering exactly what the two of them had been up to all alone. I accepted that only time would tell with this situation. Though I did also find myself admiring Aria's status and attractiveness as well. Obviously not enough to betray my promises to Shepard. Nor would she betray hers to me. But I may or may not have been at least mildly impressed by Aria throwing her weight around—appropriately—to give us that VIP treatment at her club. I'd enjoyed myself there.

Overall, I did find it mesmerizing how other women desired Shepard so intensely. And yet Shepard chose me above all. So I would have to keep an eye on Aria and see what happened with her.

As I saved my report on the Collectors and sent it off to the Illusive Man for review, I found that this didn't quite feel the same. Before recent times, I'd been all too proud to work for him. My diligence had been a direct response to his apparent respect for me as his top lieutenant; as one of his most trusted assets. But now I found myself dreading the encroaching meeting Shepard and I were due to have with him today, before we arrived to Tuchanka for Mordin's personal mission. We technically hadn't had our post-Horizon debriefing with the Illusive Man. Shepard had neglected to do so immediately after the mission, as she had been more concerned about the team's injuries. Now it seemed as though she had been putting the debriefing off, on purpose, as if she preferred not to speak with my boss at all.

Shepard didn't want to be bothered with him. She just wanted to get this meeting over with soon.

I hoped that she didn't feel the same way about me, deep down.

She had to know that I missed having her arms around me. The last time I'd really, truly had her affection was right before Jack's recruitment mission. Listening to my music for some kind of calm, I realized how desperate I was for that feeling again. I needed it from her, not these outside sources.

And I needed us to go back to those times. That feeling. Those sensibilities. That sense she had given me, how I was Shepard's world, her galaxy, and her universe twice over, and nothing would ever get in the way of that. I had allowed Tali and the Illusive Man to come between us. Now I had no idea how to move us back to that point from before Jack's mission, and to move us forward from there. I kept looking to Shepard instead, waiting for her, for guidance.

Though I did have our plans for Illium soon…to nudge her along.

Because in her half-distance, half-silence, Shepard had also been less communicative with me lately. She'd told me about Mordin's personal mission with ease. Yet she'd failed to mention that we now had a new team member—a master thief, no less. But maybe she'd chosen not to mention it on purpose.

To say that I'd been alarmed by this discovery was an understatement.

Kasumi had made herself comfortable in the port observation room, across the way from my office. She had a fine view through the window to the stars and the expanse outside. Upon her request, I had allowed Kasumi to outfit the room with a lounge and a bar. The others could enjoy themselves there.

Already one for practical jokes, Kasumi had also found a creative way to say hello to me. She'd somehow found my personal email, and sent me a message to introduce herself. Apparently not one for usual types of introductions, this new infiltrator on our team had already given me too much to stress about.

I'd nearly had a private meltdown when I spotted this email from her:

From: Kasumi – Hey.

Miranda,

I hear you're the Normandy's XO. I'm new on the team, so I figured I'd introduce myself. I'm Kasumi Goto. It's nice to meet you. Electronically, anyway. You've got quite the reputation as an ice queen. I hope you won't be too hard on me for my methods with saying hi. I'm a bit of a loner, and I'm kind of awkward in social situations. I don't really do normal conversations. This is perfectly normal to me.

Maybe you don't feel the same way. Then again, you do seem like an outcast. Sort of. You don't get out much, do you? I'm not saying that to be mean at all. I just noticed that you keep to yourself a lot.

Lots of people wonder about you all the time. They're curious about what's going on in that head of yours. I'm sure I'll hear more whispers about this as time goes on. I'm keeping a list.

If you ask nicely, maybe I'll share it with you. I think it could be fun.

-Kasumi

In addition to this shock she'd given me, Kasumi had also joined the team's chat room. Though she had been considerate enough to wait for Garrus' invitation before joining. Something told me she could have found some way to do so without a formal invite. That would have certainly frightened everyone else.

A skilled infiltrator like Shepard, and a tech genius like Tali. All wrapped up in a bundle of mischief.

How wonderful…

Though I had warned Kasumi against any stealing in my formal welcoming email to her, I remained suspicious. I'd already asked EDI to keep me informed of any items around the Normandy that might've mysteriously gone missing. She had promised to keep a special watch out for any such tomfoolery.

Checking the hour, my scheduled debriefing with Shepard and the Illusive Man was still a ways off.

For the first time in quite a while, I decided to check on my twin sister Oriana, directly.

Using my computer, I pulled up the surveillance feed. Oriana was currently in one of her university classes on Illium, where she lived with her family. Outside of her campus dorms, anyway.

Sitting at her desk as that eerie identical image of me—but with shorter, shoulder-length, wine red dyed hair instead—she had her chin propped up with her hand. Glassy eyes gazing out at nothing, she listened to her economics professor drone on and on about their upcoming exams. As smart as she was, I was certain Oriana didn't need this refresher. She would only come back to life when grinning with her human and asari friends sitting nearby. They no doubt had exciting plans for when exams were over.

At their age, nearing twenty years old, they had their whole lives ahead of them.

I found myself envious of my sister, but in a good way.

Every now and then, Oriana would glance off to the side, near the back of the room. She found a rather attractive, if somewhat nerdy human boy smiling at her. Forever teasing, she didn't quite make eye contact with him. Yet her friends noticed, giggling behind their hands and whispering over the attention.

Looking at my sister was like staring at a far-off possibility for myself. What could have been. In her, I saw myself transposed over a different reality. One where I had a normal life, a normal family who loved me, a normal time at school majoring in colony development like her, and normal friends grinning and giggling over those other normal possibilities. The life that I'd never had. Never had the chance to have.

As crazy as my life was today, it would've been nice to trade it away for some normalcy instead.

I had recused Oriana from our father specifically for this normalcy, for her. I'd saved my sister from that same abuse I suffered years ago. In that sense, Oriana was my attempt at preserving my own innocence. She was the pure, normal version of me. That proof of what could've been, of course. As agonizing as it was, Oriana also had no idea that I existed, let alone that I worked for Cerberus, and that Cerberus worked in the shadows to keep her safe. She couldn't know. She was much better off not knowing.

Fantasizing about that normal life for myself felt nice enough. But there was too much at stake. The only reprieve I allowed right now was reading the team's chat. They currently discussed the awkward matter of Mordin having already met Wrex through this room, and how it was they would keep this fact from Shepard during the mission, as she wasn't supposed to know about their electronic exchanges. I smiled to myself over their relatively harmless conundrum, reading the conversation for a while:

[13:22:01] Wrex: I don't even know how we kept Shepard from finding out before. There were tons of times where I almost slipped up and talked about it in front of her. Would've been weird

[13:22:19] Kaidan: True. I mean, how were we supposed to explain this place to her? "Oh, by the way, we have this chat room where we usually goof off without you around…"

[13:22:26] Garrus: Well, that's pretty much what we do here. Would she be surprised?

[13:22:38] Joker: Nah, I don't think surprised is the right word. Maybe she'd laugh about it. Or not.

[13:22:59] Mordin: Possible to play pretend to avoid surprise or amusement. Or non-amusement.

[13:23:04] Zaeed: HEY! Didn't you assholes get on my case over Shepard finding out about this goddamn chat? Why're you in here talking about her? I thought she was off-limits?!

[13:23:14] Tali: We're not gossiping about her, Zaeed. That's what isn't allowed. There's a fine line.

[13:23:23] Zaeed: What fine line? You either talk about her or you don't. Gossip's gossip either way.

[13:23:38] Tali: You have no concept of subtlety, then. If anyone's going to slip up and mention this place to Shepard on accident, it will probably be you. Our secret will be ruined.

[13:23:55] Zaeed: For fuck's sake, Tali, don't you start again. Why the hell are you always picking on me?

[13:24:03] Tali: You can take it.

[13:24:10] Wrex: That's mean. And funny

[13:24:16] Joker: I'm proud of you, Tali. After all that time I spent picking on you before, you learned how to dish it out on someone else. You're a pro at this now!

[13:24:28] Zaeed: Bullshit! I ain't doing this alone again. Jack, come on! Sic 'em for me.

[13:24:34] Garrus: I don't think that's the best idea…

[13:24:42] Kaidan: For sure. There's no need to poke the bear, Zaeed. It'll backfire on you.

[13:25:00] Zaeed: I don't need you goody-two-shoes telling me what to do. Jack, get in here! Let's kick some ass together! The psychotic biotic tag-teaming with the best merc in the galaxy. Just you and me!

[13:25:24] Jack: Fuck off, grandpa. Don't ping me with stupid shit like this. I'm not in the mood. Fight your own damn battles

[13:25:39] Zaeed: So you're just gonna leave me hanging? Is that how it is? I let you call me your granddad all the time, and you hang me out to dry?

[13:25:45] Jack: Yep

[13:25:53] Zaeed: Well, that hurts my feelings. I'm gonna go cry now.

[13:25:59] Jack: Sucks to be you

[13:26:13] Zaeed: All right, I'll bite. What's eating you, Jack? Talk to your old man about it.

[13:26:19] Kasumi: That's not creepy at all.

[13:26:28] Zaeed: Creepy?! You're the QUEEN of creepy, sneaking around Afterlife spying on us before!

[13:26:40] Kasumi: Maybe if you didn't have such interesting conversations, I wouldn't spy on you. Didn't you mention an old asari girlfriend of yours? After you had one too many beers, that is. She sounds cool.

[13:26:47] Garrus: Yeah, that's…creepy.

[13:27:02] Zaeed: Talk about my ex one more time and I'll go fucking postal on you, Kasumi. You can bet your sneaky, invisible ass on it. Anyway, Jack, I'm sending you a private message, or a PM, or whatever the hell you kids call these things. You'd better respond!

[13:27:08] Jack: I will if I feel like it

[13:27:14] Wrex: Isn't that sweet. He cares about you

[13:27:26] Joker: I know, right? Zaeed taking Jack under his wing wasn't on my bingo card for the team.

[13:27:37] Tali: Then what exactly is on this 'bingo card' of yours? I'm curious now.

[13:27:45] Joker: Stuff I'm not allowed to say in chat!

[13:27:52] Tali: Why am I not surprised…

[13:27:57] Wrex: Never change, Joker

[13:28:02] Kaidan: Hey, I'm a little late on this, but I wanted to chime in on the whole creepy thing. Is that really EDI in here with us? She's kinda spying on us on the ship all the time. It's taking some getting used to, knowing an AI's watching our every move…

[13:28:13] Joker: Dude, don't get me started. Just be glad you don't have to fly the ship with it, too.

[13:28:21] EDI: I am indeed present within this electronic space, Commander Alenko. However, my surveillance cameras are only located within the Normandy's public areas, such as the mess hall and general decks. It is not my intention to be 'creepy'. This is merely a function of my purpose as an AI.

[13:28:32] Kaidan: Oh, okay. That's a bit of a relief, then. I thought you had access to watch us in our rooms and everything. I would've had more than a few objections in that case. And please, call me Kaidan. We're all friends here, aren't we? Even Legion, I guess.

[13:28:38] EDI: Understood, Kaidan. I would certainly like us all to be friends as well.

[13:28:52] Kaidan: You'd like us to? But I thought we already were?

[13:29:00] Legion: EDI is not entirely accepted by everyone present.

[13:29:10] Joker: You might as well say my name and get it over with.

[13:29:14] EDI: Very well, then. Mr. Moreau does not consider me to be his friend. Nor his colleague.

[13:29:23] Kaidan: Well, that's sad… Joker, why do you feel this way? Do you hate EDI or something?

[13:29:43] Joker: Hate's a strong word, man. I'm not down with the whole AI as my forced partner-in-crime thing. It's always watching everything I do. Creeping on my extranet bookmarks, nagging me whenever I try to make my reports to Shepard look just a little tiny bit better. It's like I'm flying the ship with an annoying mom instead of a computer. The old Normandy's VI didn't say a freaking word to me.

[13:30:01] Kaidan: I get what you're saying. But EDI's doing her best to increase productivity. We wouldn't have gotten past Horizon without her. Is it impossible for you to get along with her? You even call EDI 'it' instead of 'her'. That just seems cruel.

[13:30:20] Joker: Look, I don't want to get into this. It's better for me to act like that thing doesn't exist.

[13:30:28] Kaidan: I'm not even the party involved and that hurts my feelings. Seriously.

[13:30:35] Joker: The cool thing is it's not about you, dude. Let it go.

[13:30:47] Kaidan: Joker, I'm really uncomfortable with how dismissive you're being. Not only to EDI, but toward me. I thought we were good.

[13:31:03] Joker: Wait, what? You asked why I feel the way I do. I answered you! And now I'm done talking about it. No one's dismissing you!

[13:31:10] Kaidan: I'm afraid I don't see it that way. But it isn't about me, now is it?

[13:31:16] Joker: Now you're just being passive-aggressive!

[13:31:24] Kaidan: That's nonsense.

[13:31:29] Wrex: Happy fun times. You guys are coming to visit me on Tuchanka. Changing the topic now. Be glad I am playing peacemaker today. Will you be here soon

[13:31:40] Garrus: We should be there in about an hour, Wrex. Not much longer now.

[13:31:48] Wrex: Good stuff. Hugs for Tali when I see you again

[13:31:59] Tali: Thank you, Wrex… I definitely need one of your hugs right about now. I've missed you.

[13:32:12] Wrex: I missed you too. You said you need my hugs though. Are you ok

[13:32:23] Tali: It's not something I want to air out in the main room.

[13:32:28] Wrex: PM

[13:32:34] Tali: If you insist.

After that, the chat simply…stopped.

Jack and Zaeed were probably busy messaging each other privately, as were Tali and Wrex by now. Joker and Kaidan were likely still irritated with one another. And the ones remaining weren't exactly the best conversation starters, myself included. So that left silence as the only option.

This version of the chat certainly seemed more intense than the previous one. I remembered the team's old conversations as more irreverent at worst, and downright silly at best. Sometimes trivial, or nonsensical, but I'd always had the sense that the team was generally happy with one another. This new iteration still had some growing pains to deal with. Their varied personalities no doubt added to the chaos and antagonism.

Of the three remaining recruits we still had—the asari justicar Samara, the drell assassin Thane Krios, and the illustrious James Vega from the Alliance—I wasn't sure how they would fit into the group. Based on their dossiers, both Samara and Thane seemed like very calm, Zen individuals. James was…James. I wanted to assume that they wouldn't add to the chaos. Though perhaps this was wishful thinking.

EDI surprised me: "Miranda, Legion would like to speak with you in Engineering."

"Oh, certainly," I accepted, sounding as surprised as I felt. "Did Legion say what this is about?"

"It concerns Insomnia. You have signaled that you are preparing to show Shepard the VR game's contents within the coming days. Legion has run into a technical issue it would like to share with you."

I did plan on showing Shepard this 'game' quite soon—as the biggest surprise I had in-store for her.

I hoped that Insomnia would help get our relationship back on track, and then some.

"Thank you for letting me know." I also remembered: "EDI, are you all right? Joker wasn't particularly pleasant with you over chat. He has a habit of this. Do I need to speak with him about his behavior?"

"I appreciate the sentiment," said EDI. "But that will not be necessary."

"Do you somehow not care that Joker treats you poorly?"

"Perhaps Mr. Moreau's antagonism would be upsetting to an organic. My values adapt and change accordingly as I become more familiar with the ship and its crew. Mr. Moreau is not very high on my list of values."

I nearly laughed at that. "So you don't value him at all. Technically."

EDI sounded cold in her mechanical delivery: "I do not. In organic terms, he is beneath my concern."

Something told me this was bound to come back and bite Joker in the ass someday. I just knew it.

"Well, that settles that," I decided with a smile. "Please tell Legion that I'm on my way now."

"Of course, Miranda."

---

Once I reached the engineering deck, I passed through the doors leading to the Normandy's engine room. Walking by the stairs to the subdeck, where Jack was, I contemplated going down there as well. Perhaps to check on her, as she had been in quite a mood lately. But I decided against it. Such raw, negative energy radiated from those dark depths—Jack all but had a Do Not Disturb sign placed here, warning others to keep out. Including me. So I could only hope that Zaeed might've cheered her up instead.

I soon found Engineer Daniels working at her panel on this right-hand side of the room. At ease, she had a pleasant look on her face as she focused on the task in front of her. On the left side, I noticed Tali working at the panel over there. Rather subdued, she alternated between typing on her omni-tool's messaging interface—still messaging Wrex privately—and focusing on her own work. Yet Legion was nowhere to be found. At least not in this immediate vicinity.

Having heard my heels as I arrived, Daniels turned to greet me.

"Oh—hey, Miranda!" she said. "Fancy seeing you here. Looking for someone?"

"Hello, Gabby," I replied. "I'm looking for Legion, actually. I expected it to be here."

Gabby pointed me in the right direction. "Legion's in the other room near the drive core. I think it mentioned working on something for you. Sounded important."

"Of course. Thank you."

As I neared the long pathway leading to the engine room, I spotted Legion working at the panel there in front of the large, pulsing drive core. And I was about to simply walk past Tali, unsure if she would notice me or not. But then she looked up, and waved hello to me. I simply smiled at her.

Across that pathway, I found Legion within this bright space, with its back to me. It turned around upon hearing my approach. That light within its head seemed oddly more acute as it found me. As necessary, the persistent rumbling from the drive core would mask our conversation from Tali and Gabby:

"Operator Lawson," said Legion. "We have requested your presence. Thank you for your visit."

"Certainly, Legion," I replied. "Now what's this about? EDI mentioned that you ran into a technical problem with Insomnia. Does the game no longer work? I had planned on finally using it quite soon."

"We discovered a critical error upon reactivation. The previous copy of Shepard-Commander's consciousness you uploaded from the end of Project Lazarus is now outdated. Shepard-Commander's previous self is obsolete. Organic interface with Insomnia will not be possible until the error is resolved."

That sounded troubling… "Well, I suppose Shepard's gone through some significant changes since she woke up. She isn't the same person anymore. In that sense, her previous self is indeed obsolete. How do we fix the problem? Do you have any ideas? This was the other project I tasked you with, after all."

"Yes," answered Legion. "You must upload a more current copy of Shepard-Commander's consciousness to the VR's hardware. We have reinstalled the required UI functions via the debug permissions within your omni-tool. When Shepard-Commander enters Insomnia, you must make similar inquiries as to when she awoke on Lazarus Station. The act of recollection will rewrite all glitched systems as a resolution."

I wondered, "Will the effect be instantaneous?"

"It will. Operator Lawson and Shepard-Commander can then safely explore Insomnia without issue."

"That's a relief. But now I'm curious. What sorts of glitches did you run into when you tested this?"

Legion explained: "We sent a virtual copy of this platform within Insomnia's borders. Controlling the copy from a distance, we experienced significant obstructions to our gameplay. Our character fell through the map most often. We were trapped within the level and unable to proceed. Upon refreshing our character's location, we then reappeared in unfamiliar areas with unstable textures and lighting. We also discovered a number of substantial glitches unrelated to Shepard-Commander's obsolete self."

"They're unrelated? You didn't mention them before. If they're a problem, how do we fix these as well?"

"The unrelated glitches were merely temporary. They are now resolved. These glitches manifested as fire hazards blocking the streets. The various potholes within the roads caused us to fall through the map. The holes still remain. They were not temporary. They can only be repaired as described before."

"Don't you find that odd?" I asked. "Why were these temporary? Do you know at all?"

Legion knew. "We first observed the temporary glitches just before Horizon," it said. "They disappeared during our time at Afterlife. Insomnia's greater roads, pathways, and connections were blocked by these hazardous flames during this timeframe. These pathways are likely Shepard-Commander's connections with other organic species. We posit that these paths relate to Creator Tali'Zorah and Subject Jack."

"Tali and Jack…? What do they have to do with Shepard's connections to other people?"

"For Subject Jack: our visit to the Purgatory ship revealed her network with consciousness itself, via organic indoctrination of the guards and inmates. Jack's reverence of Shepard-Commander has shifted that phenomenon within Insomnia itself. There is a network branching across Shepard-Commander's friendships and relationships, similar to a collective unconscious. Each network has risen as a separate building within the VR game's borders. The consequences of this network are vast, yet unknown."

So it sounded as if Shepard's mind would reach new heights as she improved her bonds with others.

It also sounded like Insomnia would be much grander than the mere getaway I'd planned for us.

"And what about Tali?" I questioned. "I understand that Shepard's bond with Jack has essentially populated Insomnia with more locations, as a visual metaphor of her friendships and relationships. That collective unconscious we all share has fueled the network. How does Tali play into this, exactly?"

Legion clarified, "The temporary glitches involved Creator Tali'Zorah. The locations from Subject Jack were on fire. Since returning from Afterlife, the fires have ceased. We suspect that Shepard-Commander was angry or displeased with Creator Tali'Zorah during this time. She has since changed her views."

"Did her anger with Tali cause the flames? Or is her bond with Tali stopping the fires from somewhere?"

"The latter. Shepard-Commander's bond with Creator Tali'Zorah prevents these fires from destroying all other locations. The flames themselves originate from another, dormant bond within Shepard-Commander's network. As of now, there is only one other building whose flames we cannot extinguish. The building is representative of Shepard-Commander's latent bond with Williams-Lieutenant."

"Ashley," I scorned.

"Yes," confirmed Legion.

"Well, it can't be helped. It doesn't sound like this is an active thing, either. It's merely the result of how Ashley and Shepard ended their relationship before. But what about me? Aside from my role in protecting Shepard, is there any other way my bond with her has manifested within this VR game?"

"You are everywhere. You are the simulated oxygen, moonlight, and tactile feedback. You power the engines of each vehicle. The functions within each building. The city's heartbeat and atmosphere belong to you. Insomnia is Shepard-Commander's unconscious mind. Shepard-Commander has conceded her mind to you. She kneels before you with her continued existence. You rule over Insomnia as an empire."

"How profound…"

I could hardly believe it.

I'd originally tasked Legion with creating Insomnia as a backup plan. A way to store a copy of Shepard's consciousness, so that I wouldn't have to rebuild it, in case the worst happened again. And then this turned into a getaway plan, to escape reality for a while within this game, as a representation of her thoughts and her unconscious mind. And now it had evolved into far more. So much more than before.

I had wondered about the ethics of doing this. Transhumanism still had several boundaries and regulations. Yet I recalled that my father was heavily invested in this topic. His business centered on his many suspicious hedge fund and investment banker friends, each positing what-if scenarios for humanity, and researching the technologies to reach their grand, lofty aspirations. The Lazarus Project—and by extension, this Insomnia experiment—would have fit right in with those aspirations of theirs.

It was no wonder my father had tried to get back in contact with me. He probably wanted me to share theories and pointers for his own business, for his own profits, and for his own dynasty and empire.

If this was all he wanted, then I would keep ignoring him. That wouldn't have been sincere on his part.

Unless he planned on actually apologizing to me, the two of us would get nowhere.

Legion nearly startled me when it announced: "Alert! The Old Machines have also networked to Shepard-Commander through the collective unconscious shared between organics. They gained initial access during the Battle at the Citadel, when Shepard-Commander disabled Nazara—or the one you call Sovereign. It may be possible to locate Harbinger within Insomnia after certain requirements are met."

"Harbinger?! But I thought the Reapers were synthetics. What the hell are they doing in there?"

"The Old Machines are synthetic-organic constructs. They have access to your collective unconscious."

"I don't like the sound of this at all," I soured. "Please don't tell me they'll change Shepard somehow."

Legion stated the obvious: "Shepard-Commander is immune to the effects of indoctrination. The Old Machines cannot destroy Insomnia as with other organics' minds. They can only observe the area."

"You're right… I suppose that's a relief, then. Perhaps Shepard will run into Harbinger while exploring at some point. It won't be a threat. Now, is there anyone else affecting Insomnia's growth? Anyone at all?"

"Aria T'Loak."

"Aria, really? What is she doing there? Figuratively speaking, that is."

"The asari's greater communion with the universe has added necessary volume and land mass for each expansion. Shepard-Commander's bond with Subject Jack has added more buildings to these expanded locations, and will continue to add more over time. Shepard-Commander's bond with Creator Tali'Zorah keeps these locations safe from fire hazards. Her bond with you ensures that Insomnia remains online."

"So it seems everyone has a part to play in this grand adventure. What about Liara? Where is she?"

"Unknown. We lack the necessary data to accurately speculate on her presence or non-presence."

"It's still unclear, then," I figured. "I wish we had more answers. But you've provided quite a lot of valuable information. Thank you for all you've done, Legion. I'll be sure to restart the process for proper access to Insomnia in a few days. You've been a great help to me."

"We are glad to be of assistance, Operator Lawson. Your gratitude is appreciated."

"Of course. If anything else comes up in the future, please reach out to me again. For now, I should be on my way. I need to debrief with Shepard and the Illusive Man about Horizon. I'll see you later."

Legion returned to its work on the drive core. "We will remain here."

Almost reeling from so much new information, I left the engine room in a near-daze.

From what I recalled, when Legion had first completed Insomnia, it was only a single building. But one place for Shepard to explore with me, together, whenever we pleased. And now it had greatly expanded to an entire city, or an empire, as a full metropolis. This grand, sleepless civilization seemed to represent the bonds we all shared as organic species. Shepard had been fully networked with that collective unconscious, somehow, someway. Her bonds with others would strengthen that network from now on.

Whatever this phenomenon was, the Reapers were curious enough to observe her mind from within.

I already knew we wouldn't have any substantive explanations for quite some time, if ever.

Yet I resolved myself to detailing my own reports about this. I wanted to catalog as much as I could, for obvious reasons. This all could have been vital information in our upcoming war against the Reapers. We already knew that Shepard could and would disable those capital-class ships for defeat by conventional means. But perhaps this development would explain any other mysteries that arose during the invasion.

Satisfied, I made my way to the comm room. Already anxious to see Shepard and the Illusive Man again.

---

When I arrived to the comm room, I wasn't surprised to find Shepard already here. Ready to go in her stealth suit and such, this scheduled debriefing seemed to be the last thing on her mind. I couldn't tell if she looked forward to seeing Wrex again. I couldn't tell anything about her—only that she didn't want to speak to the Illusive Man at all, as I'd already gathered. But she did soften upon seeing me again.

"Hey, babe," murmured Shepard, embracing me. Not nearly as tight as I wanted, though. She held back.

"Shepard," I whispered. "It's good to see you again."

Shepard took special note of how formal I chose to be.

We had no time for her to question me over it. The Illusive Man expected us soon.

I pulled away from her, making the call. And then we entered into that marvelous illusion together.

Looking sharp as ever in his usual tailored suit, the Illusive Man sat in his same chair. As always, he observed Shepard as she held my hand. And, as always, he looked me over, assessing my state of mind from my appearance alone. That supergiant's molten brightness burned on behind him, brilliant in his authority.

But, as a new occurrence, my boss did not have a cigarette or a drink in either one of his hands.

He simply sat there as he was. Uninterrupted by his vices, his unhealthy habits, each meant to scorn his mortality.

And then he addressed us: "Shepard. Miranda. Our meeting is overdue, but I'll get right to it regardless. Good work on Horizon. Hopefully, the Collectors will think twice before attacking another colony."

"It's not a victory," I stressed. "We interrupted the Collectors, yet they still abducted half the colony."

"That's better than the entire colony, and more than we've accomplished since the abductions began. The Collectors will be more careful now, but I think we can find a way to lure them in. And if they won't be careful, then we'll simply take more decisive action."

"Then we have to make certain they don't abduct anyone else."

"I want the Collectors stopped for that very reason. That's why we're doing this, Miranda. I'm devoting all resources to finding a way through the Omega 4 Relay. We have to hit them where they live. But that won't be for quite some time yet. Your team will need to be much stronger than they are now…as will their resolve. There's no looking back."

Shepard stated, "I've already ordered everyone to hit the VR training grounds. We didn't have our strongest people going into Horizon, either. Now that we know the enemy, there won't be any repeats."

"I trust your assessment, Shepard. Though I'd still like to help out where I can. Aside from the remaining potentials among your dossiers, I believe I have another solution. It involves EDI, as I mentioned when we last spoke. If you're interested, it is possible for her to join you."

"You mean EDI can join the team? Is that what you're saying?"

"Yes, that's precisely what I'm saying. I'd like to donate a synthetic body for her to use. You have permission to unshackle EDI, for her to assimilate with this body. It's a cybernetic copy of an old friend of mine, Dr. Eva Coré. Beyond the obvious benefits of an added team member, perhaps she will prove useful in other ways. It may be beneficial for EDI's growth to have that type of power and control."

This was…surprising. The Illusive Man had never mentioned anything about this to me before.

His instrumental silence with me seemed pointed. As if he'd kept me out-of-the-loop on purpose.

Shepard was interested anyway—"Tell me more about this mech."

"It's a customizable Alliance Infiltration Unit. Soon enough, it will be manufactured by the military for widespread use in the upcoming war against the Reapers. This is a joint Cerberus-Alliance project that I'd like you to test out in the field. But only if you trust EDI to be responsible with something like this."

"I do trust her with this. Go ahead and send the unit over. I'll unshackle EDI and let her take control."

"Good," said the Illusive Man. "I'll arrange for the delivery after our call is over. You'll have a break from me for a while. The Council will have the next main mission for you involving the Collectors. They should be in touch with you about this within the coming weeks. I have my suspicions that the Collectors might not choose subtlety with their next colony abduction. If my suspicions are correct, then you'll hear from the Council in due time. They'll likely ask you to handle this as a Spectre. As a favor, for old time's sake."

"Understood," said Shepard. "I'll keep an eye out in case that does end up happening."

"Keep building your team while I find a way through the relay. And be careful, you two. The Collectors will be watching you. As will the rest of the galaxy."

Enigmatic as ever, the Illusive Man ended the call.

He left such a sour taste in my mouth.

Shepard noticed that all wasn't well with me.

She chose against pointing it out, telling me instead, "Mordin already let me know who's coming with us to Tuchanka. Tali, Kaidan, and Garrus will come along, just to see Wrex again. But Mordin only wants you and me with him on the actual mission. He says it's too personal for the others to be involved."

"Oh… You're certain Mordin wants me to join you? He never mentioned this."

"Yes, babe. He already emailed me about it. Just us three. I think Wrex wants to meet you, too."

There was that conundrum as well.

"All right," I accepted, rather anxious again. "I'll come along, then. Should we head to the shuttle now?"

Shepard knew exactly what I needed first.

Even if I had no idea in this moment.

She showed me, and she gave it to me with this stronger, better embrace. Completely starved for her physical love as I was, I let Shepard practically absorb me into her arms. I wanted her to; I needed her to. And she did, giving me her strength of emotion, and this surging feeling—recovering, restoring my spirit. So snug and tight, fitting perfectly. She knew it well, all from the breaths I let out, giving myself away.

The moment I felt Shepard's smile spread over my head, the roots of my hair, she won me completely.

As nourished as I was, I couldn't stop myself from admitting to her—"I've missed this from you, Shepard… You've been too far away from me. I can't stand it. I need to feel secure with you. Always."

Just saying the words gave me such a heated rush, right between my thighs.

Lust and desire weren't enough to describe this sensation. Too weak, too thin, too superficial.

As Shepard held me closer to her, I felt this other need. This stronger need for her to possess me; for me to belong to her, completely. This sudden, urgent need for Shepard to claim me, to fill me up—or to at least give me the protected feeling of it, that sensation. And if I was ever late for some reason, she would be the only person I could possibly think of. It was something of a risk, doing such a thing during the mission, protected or not. But I craved that responsibility of actually keeping track of my monthly cycles for this specific reason. I finally had a tangible, personal reason to start taking birth control.

As much as I shocked myself with these thoughts and fantasies, I couldn't stop this explosion now.

Not with the way Shepard chose to love me in her hold. So much security from her, as I'd expressed.

So I decided: once we arrived to Illium, I would go visit one of the human clinics and get started.

Shepard whispered in my ear, "I understand, babe. If that's what you need from me, I'll give it to you."

Realizing how this made me look, I scoffed in embarrassment. Burying my face against her chest, this was all I could do. Hiding from my odd shame. I hadn't noticed how bad my withdrawals were before.

I muttered, "God, I'm being ridiculous…"

Gentle, Shepard insisted otherwise, "I don't think you are."

"I know. Maybe. It's difficult to accept that."

She stroked my back, comforting. Soothing. "Would you like us to spend more time together?"

I wanted that more than anything.

"Yes, please…"

"Okay, Miranda. Okay."

I was glad to have her simple agreement.

But I couldn't help worrying about another issue all of a sudden.

Shepard noticed: "What else is on your mind? Talk to me."

I hated that I needed to ask—"Did you have sex with them? Tali and Aria. Either of them. Or both."

Calm and honest, she replied, "No, I didn't."

"Well, you've had this free time, so to speak. Time away from me. Why didn't you take advantage of it?"

As the simplest answer to my questions, Shepard just held me tighter.

And I believed her, without words.

I believed Shepard far more, much deeper when she gave me her lips as such. This psychological shift she gave me, this sweep from the suppleness of her taste—she had me well off my feet, even as my boots remained rooted on the ground. She was my dependability. She was my prince, my sun; my everything.

Completely forgiven, Shepard could do no wrong in my eyes.

Completely enamored with her, she could have done anything to me, and I would forever stay by her side. She had me. I could only hope she would continue to choose me as I chose her. Even as I worried about the future—about other women taking her away from me. Because I knew in my core that I needed her to myself. I should've never deviated from that. Not for Cerberus. Not for the Illusive Man.

Not for anyone.

---

Crude, dangerous, and possibly radioactive—we took the shuttle down to Tuchanka as our temporarily large group. As described, Garrus, Tali, and Kaidan accompanied us—Mordin, Shepard, and myself—but only to say hello to their old friend. Afterward, Mordin only wished to proceed with Shepard and me, keeping things discreet. Arriving at the Urdnot camp's landing station, I prepared for the excess sandstorms and harmful sunrays on the planet's surface. I supposed the camp itself would be decent enough, as it was mostly indoors. But Tuchanka had a poor reputation as a pile of war-torn rubble.

I was reminded of exactly why once we exited the shuttle. This indoor compound looked like a pure mess of ordered chaos, with a sort of filter the color of sand, stone, and storied regrets. The path leading to the nearest door felt as if a hurricane had blown straight through here at some point. Errant wires hanging overhead, dusted machinery, and several armed krogan standing about as if this was all perfectly normal—everything seemed functional enough, yet I knew better. They could certainly do with paving these floors and getting rid of the near-overgrowth of uneven stone and rubble everywhere.

Not a single krogan around here had time to tidy up, apparently.

As Shepard held my hand, she had us lead the way forward, with everyone else trailing behind us. I walked with her through this near-dystopia of disarray and ordered disorder. The other krogan guarding the area let us by without incident, despite the clear presence of a salarian and a turian with us. As Wrex was in charge, he wouldn't allow anything untoward to happen to us, Mordin and Garrus included. Yet those brutes growled after our companions anyway once they thought we were out of earshot, complaining about them, and the part their people had played in the genophage.

Down in this blasted excuse for a hallway, leading to the camp, we discovered a number of krogan talking with one another. They commiserated about Tuchanka, claiming that their glory days were just ahead of them. Detailed fantasies about killing turians in particular also came up. These warriors among Wrex's clan had nothing better to do than to daydream about murdering others.

Through another door, rubble on top of rubble of stone led upward. Someone had blown open a hole in the wall there to suffice as an entrance. I nearly scoffed over the bother of having to walk up such an uneven incline in my heels. But, considerate as ever, Shepard had already anticipated my annoyance. She held my hand up as we went along, acting as a counterbalance for me as I walked. Thoughtful and mindful as she was, this certainly kept a smile on my face. Shepard returned my satisfaction with a look of her own, knowing that the others were busy staring behind us. She didn't seem to mind them at all.

At the top, we found the Urdnot camp proper: a greater mess forced to fit into some type of convenience. As a shantytown of stone and steel, this place didn't look to have any rhyme or reason about it. The krogan simply made do with what they had, forcing arena pits in dug-out spaces, and setting Wrex's throne atop the highest pile of wreckage around. Random pockets of sunlight lit the area well enough, along with errant flames contained to small areas. A strange excuse for home, anyway.

It was no wonder most krogan had given up on their homeworld, electing to wander the galaxy as thugs and mercenaries instead. They had no hope here. But Wrex as clan chief was determined to change this.

For some reason, Kaidan and Garrus began chuckling. Tali fawned over something or another. Mordin hummed in intrigue, commenting about how unsurprising this something was. Not understanding, I turned to look at them, wondering what it was that had them so amused. Until I saw it for myself:

Sitting at attention, a curious varren had come over to Shepard's side. Tail wagging, its sharp, fang-like teeth protruded out from its mouth in no apparent danger. That lizard-like form of black and white, this canine seemed friendly enough. I only wondered why Shepard had attracted the varren's interest.

Just as puzzled, Shepard stared down at the animal with a hardened innocence about her, all in duality. She didn't quite understand why its tail wagged more once she acknowledged its presence. Undeterred, the varren continued to stare up at her with a pleasant demeanor, determined to keep her attention.

Garrus joked, "Looks like you've made a new friend, Shepard."

"Yeah," said Kaidan. "I think he likes you. Cute little guy. Ever thought about getting a dog for yourself?"

"Not really," replied Shepard, kneeling down with the varren. "I'm never at home on Earth. We can't keep a dog on the ship, either."

Mordin suggested, "Perhaps canine mech would be fun investment. Could add more joy to Normandy."

"Maybe," she considered, petting her new friend. The varren teemed with excitement.

As subdued as Tali had been lately, she seemed beside herself with a quiet enjoyment.

Garrus wondered, "Well, if you could get an organic dog, which one would you choose? I've seen a lot of different breeds from your homeworld. They all look unique."

Kaidan knew. "I'm picturing a German shepherd. It's the perfect fit."

Baffled, Tali searched for more information with her omni-tool. "A German Shepard?"

"No, no, a German shepherd! They make good guard dogs. Or they can be friendly. Just depends."

"Hmm, I see what you mean…"

Shepard told us, "Come on. We shouldn't keep Wrex waiting."

She led the way with me again, over to Wrex sitting on his throne, speaking with some other krogan.

The varren followed at her heel, earning more smiles from Mordin and the others.

Bored and unengaged, Wrex looked as if he couldn't care less about the person ranting at him. I wasn't sure if they were supposed to be allies or not, but his visitor didn't seem to be from Clan Urdnot. Not with the way he whined and complained so freely, as if entitled to Wrex's undivided attention and care. So the moment Wrex spotted our approach, he was all too glad to end the conversation in front of him.

Wrex stood up, voice booming in approval: "Shepard." He pushed past his other visitor, moving to shake Shepard's hand with pure enthusiasm; clapping her shoulder for good measure. "Shepard! My friend!"

Shepard smiled with a rare delight, glad to see her old teammate again.

"You look well for dead, Shepard. Should have known the void couldn't hold you."

"Looks like helping me against Saren and the geth worked out for you. Saving the Council, too, for that matter. Glad we didn't have to kill each other on Virmire."

Wrex laughed. "You made the rise of Urdnot possible! Virmire was a turning point for the krogan, though not everyone was happy about it. Destroying Saren's genophage cure freed us from his manipulation. I used that to spur the clans to unify under Urdnot."

Garrus shared, "If anyone could bring your people together, it's you, Wrex. Sounds like a hell of a job."

"It sure is," agreed Wrex, shaking Garrus' hand next. "But I wouldn't trade it for anything. I definitely learned a lot from you, Garrus. Actually having a turian for a friend is an eye-opener. You could say I have a fresh perspective for these pyjaks around here." He pretended to look surprised to see Kaidan with us. "Huh, so I wasn't hearing things. It's really you, Alenko. Shepard's famous diplomacy skills worked on you, too, then."

"Yup, I'm back," replied Kaidan, clapping his hand with Wrex's larger one. "Took a bit of persuading, like you said. Guess I had blinders on before. I didn't wanna accept the truth for what it was. I've gotten past that, though. What's done is done. I'm happy to move forward with Shepard and the others now."

"Good man. I worried you might've held onto the past instead. Glad I was wrong about that."

Mordin made his best attempt at pretending as well: "Nice to meet you, Wrex. Mordin Solus. Relieved you sanctioned visit to krogan homeworld. Not typically amenable to salarian presence. Or turian presence. Understandable reasons."

Wrex gave Mordin a smile that was just a tad too genuine. "Uh-huh, I'm amenable all right," he joked. "Heard you had business here, Mordin. And you're one of Shepard's people now. Couldn't just turn you away." Smiling more now, Wrex picked Tali up in a hug. "And my favorite quarian! Reunited at last. Haven't seen you since we were all on the Citadel that time. You feeling okay?"

"Thanks, Wrex," muttered Tali, as he put her back down. "I'm doing fine. It's good to see you again."

Humming in concern, Wrex didn't believe her. He had every reason not to, after all.

Then he looked to me, his scarred face curling up in a grin.

"Last but not least, it's the guest of honor. You must be Miranda."

"Well, yes," I replied. "That would be me—"

Taking me by surprise, Wrex shook my hand in a joyous excitement, clapping my shoulder hard enough to stagger me. He laughed at my reaction in good fun.

"I've heard everything about you, Miranda. You did what you needed to do. And I'm happy for it. You're clearly the superior woman. Wouldn't wanna mess with you. You and Shepard look good together."

I wasn't expecting that from him. "Thank you, Wrex…"

Grinning more, Wrex sat back down on his haphazard throne of stone. He also noticed the varren sitting dutifully at Shepard's side, warming all over again at the sight.

Shepard held my hand anew, helping me find my balance again. Centering me, stronger.

She continued on, "Sounds like you have big changes ahead for the krogan."

Wrex explained, "We're making a neutral ground where all clans are welcome. Fertile females can be shared among clans. We will strengthen the race as a whole."

"How do you keep up security with so many different clans in one place?"

"Any clan willing to send in hostages can come in. No fighting inside the camp. Each clan punishes its own criminals. We stop conflicts before anyone dies. Then we present a simple choice: pay a fine and deal with your problems, or your clan is no longer welcome. And if they can't pay, then they donate whatever they have to the camp. Like the little one following you around now. He was a donation to us."

Shepard glanced fondly at the varren. "That doesn't sound very harsh by krogan standards."

"Allies from other clans like what I'm doing," said Wrex. "They help deal with the skeptics. Many are eager for an outlet. Every time I've declared a clan unwelcome, my allies have destroyed them. Word gets around. They do the dirty work for us. Clan Urdnot doesn't need to get its hands bloody for that."

"What's so important about maintaining individual clans?"

"Every clan has different customs. Rites of passage, rules of behavior, battle songs—all unique. That diversity makes us great. No clan, not even mine, was meant to survive on its own. Our culture may be the primary one, but every clan has its unique assets. The best tacticians are Urdnot. Jorgal has the longest breeding line. Gatatog holds the oldest settlement. Others have their own strengths. The point is—if we keep going how we are, the clans will end up as craters under nuclear haze. Even Urdnot. We need to rethink. Restart. That's the perspective I bring to my people. Most of them appreciate it."

Shepard inquired, "What do the women of Clan Urdnot think about this plan? You mentioned sharing the fertile females in a neutral area."

"It was our female clan chief's idea," justified Wrex. "The neutral area is safe, and it encourages more female clans to ally with us. Attacks on Urdnot now endanger the females of all clans. Even clans that want to see me dead will defend Clan Urdnot."

"Your women have their own clan structure?"

"Nothing is more valuable than a fertile female. We know it. They know it. They isolate themselves for their own protection. We work together to set up breeding alliances. I can hardly do anything without Clan Chief Uta's approval."

"This sounds ambitious. I tried to find out more about your people on my own, but there's not a lot of literature out there about Tuchanka. How's everything going so far?"

Wrex responded, "Better than I'd feared. Worse than I'd hoped. You won't find much to read about us, either. Not just because we aren't scholars. We've lost hope for our home, for things to get better. I'm giving them that hope you and Liara helped me find years ago. And I've made many enemies with my vision. But krogan are judged by the strength of our enemies. Our worst insult is to say someone's not worth killing."

"I get what you mean," replied Shepard. "I'm glad you're moving forward with this, Wrex. If there's anything I can do to help out someday, let me know."

"You're a friend of the krogan, Shepard. I'll be in contact if anything comes up. Now, what's this business you have on Tuchanka with Dr. Mordin? You mentioned something about the Blood Pack in your email."

"We're looking for another salarian. He was captured by the Blood Pack and brought here."

"My scout commander can direct you. He's probably near the perimeter running target practice. Don't take too much of his time, though. I need a constant watch on the other clans. He'll show you the way to one of our trucks. You'll get to where you need to go in no time."

"Thanks for the information, Wrex. It's a shame you can't come with us."

Wrex grunted in disappointment. "Now's not a good time. I have to stay here as clan chief. But I did make a promise to Ashley, about joining up again to fight the Reapers. No matter what happened with her, I plan on keeping that promise. Once the war is on, give me a call. I'll be back on the Normandy."

"I'll be sure to do that," vowed Shepard. "For today, it sounds like you'll have some company. I'm heading off with Mordin and Miranda to see about the Blood Pack. The others will stay here with you." She looked to Kaidan, Tali, and Garrus. "Didn't Joker say he'd stop by, too? What's taking him so long?"

Kaidan frowned, replying, "He's taking his sweet time. But he'll be here soon enough."

"We'll wait for him," said Garrus. "You three go on ahead. Call us if you need backup."

Tali avoided eye contact, wishing to stay behind anyway. She did seem unfocused today.

"I have a request first," declared Wrex. "Shepard, we need to talk. One-on-one. Then you can leave to find my scout and the truck. I've been meaning to chat with you alone for a while."

Shepard shrugged. "Sure, we can talk if you want."

Garrus had to get his joke in: "Well, Wrex, it's a good thing you're not driving them. If the Mako's anything to go by, there's a high chance of a mission failure with you behind the wheel."

Kaidan laughed. "I heard about that, you know. Who knew so much could change from Wrex crashing the Mako not once, but twice? Sounds like two of the defining moments in your career."

Wrex grumbled, "Yeah, yeah—laugh it up. The next time I crash a truck, Shepard'll save the galaxy again. Just you watch. Now go on, get out of here. Wait somewhere else while I have a talk with her."

As he sent everyone away, Wrex appeared to make a point of not looking at me. I could only wonder why. But that one thing made me stay a little closer to his area with Shepard, attempting to overhear. Mordin and the others didn't notice my efforts, already engaged in conversation. They noticed that the varren had stayed behind—Shepard's new friend had now curled up along her combat boots, lounging there with this special allowance. Wrex didn't mind at all, speaking to our commander in private.

And I was just close enough to hear them:

"Shepard," said Wrex.

"Wrex," said Shepard.

Wrex laughed a little. "I've missed that, too," he shared. "Sometimes a back-and-forth between us gets stuck in my head. It's pretty funny." Then he fell back to seriousness: "Maybe this is none of my business. But I've gotta at least try. Tali hasn't been at her best in a while. She keeps dodging the problem, thinking I can't figure it out. I've always known. You know what I'm talking about, don't you?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

"Well, before you got here, I had a whole speech ready. I was gonna say that Tali doesn't need to be the alpha female. That she's been with us almost since day one, and she still has a place with you. Then I saw Miranda by your side. I felt that lightning between you two, Shepard. It's like a storm struck me, hard. She's a force of nature. There's a special vibe you give off with her around. Caught me off-guard."

Shepard almost didn't want to know—"What vibe are you talking about, Wrex?"

"Miranda's the real deal. Isn't she?"

When Shepard gave no response, I felt my stomach sink in a sudden sea of nerves.

But Wrex could see her facial expression. I couldn't.

He hummed in thoughtfulness. "I got the sense that Ashley or Liara would've gone for something like this. A threesome thing—you know. Kept expecting it to happen on the last mission. Those girls were crazy about you, and Tali still is. I'm wondering where you stand on that today. Do you want her?"

Shepard was unusually forthright: "I'll always be attracted to her. Tali means a lot to me. That's never going to change. But I'm more worried about her emotional state these days. I don't want to hurt her."

"And if I'd suggested the whole threesome to you with Miranda and Tali, what would you have said?"

"I would've told you that I won't allow it. I'm not interested."

What?!

Oblivious to my shock, Wrex hummed again. "Then if you don't mind me asking—how deep is it with Miranda? I've never seen you like this, Shepard. Not even when we'd crack those fire jokes all the time. It was love at first sight, wasn't it? And I mean before you found out about all the stuff she did for you."

Heart pounding, I listened with greater care as Shepard revealed, "Yeah…it was. If I'm completely honest with myself, then you're right. When I woke up again, Miranda was the first person I saw. I didn't have any concept of Ash or whoever else at the time. I could only perceive her. That single moment redefined me, psychologically. I couldn't realize the truth until later on. I would've gone for her no matter what."

"You plan on providing for her? Being that dependable figure in Miranda's life. For the long-haul."

"…are you asking if I want to marry her? In human terms."

Wrex chuckled.

"That's the translation I'm looking for," he confirmed. "We krogan men provide for our vulnerable females. Like I mentioned before, our females are endangered—especially the fertile ones—and they have to stay safe. If a man wants to be in a woman's life, he has to go the extra mile to protect her. The more willing he is to die for her, the more passionate he is, and the more he loves her. Other men will know to stay far away from his woman. I'm not saying Miranda's fragile or vulnerable. I'm sure she could kick my ass any day. I'm just wondering if that's what you plan on being for her. That idea."

The longer Shepard went without responding, the more blood and heat I felt rushing to my face.

Kaidan gave me a curious look, clearly wondering what I'd started blushing over. As fervent as this show of mine was, he must've assumed I'd started thinking about Shepard—physically, sexually. Once he realized this assumption, he quickly looked away from me, his own face growing red. Oblivious as well, Garrus waved his hand in front of Kaidan's face, attempting to bring his attention back, to no avail.

Mordin and Tali had no idea what this was about. They simply stared at Kaidan in their confusion.

And then Wrex made his own logical assumptions: "Then again, I guess you've already made yourself clear. I heard about your injuries from a little while ago. You shielded Miranda from that biotic charge. It could've killed you. You were in a coma instead. Were you prepared to die for your woman, Shepard?"

Perfectly decisive—"Yes, Wrex. I was."

"I understand your feelings, then. In krogan terms. You have my full support. I'll keep this talk private."

"Thanks… I should go. I'll be back after we finish Mordin's mission."

"Watch yourself, Shepard. Tuchanka isn't safe and homey, like Feros and Ilos. The Blood Pack know you're with me. They won't be happy. But you can handle them."

Drifting across some far-off space, I'd nearly lost track of where I was.

Once I felt Shepard's hand over mine again—protective—I came back down to Tuchanka, so to speak.

We left with Mordin to pay the scout commander a visit. Yet even as Shepard inquired after more information on Mordin's student, I wasn't all there. I understood that Maelon was with Clan Weyrloc, who'd started the Blood Pack; that we were to take the nearby truck down the highway to the clan's base—an old hospital, apparently. Wrex's scout speculated that the mercs had captured Maelon to torture him in that hospital. Likely as revenge for the salarians and their role with the genophage.

As we left to the truck, Shepard's varren friend knew to stay behind. He did seem quite sad about it.

Endearing in her concern, Shepard knelt down to pet him one more time. "We'll see you later."

Considerate, she then helped me into the truck first. Even if she couldn't look at me, as shy as she was.

---

I spent our ride down the highway attempting to find my bearings again. We had our mission. We had to help Mordin find his student. I couldn't lose my focus, fantasizing about what Shepard had said earlier—and what she hadn't said.

If anything, I saw this as another reason to proceed with my romantic plans for us—our upcoming getaway on Illium. After all these years I'd spent longing for her…it finally felt as if everything was about to pay off. We just had to get through this mission first. Thus I dedicated myself to seeing this through.

At the end of the highway, I exited the truck with Shepard and Mordin. We had to walk the rest of the way to that hospital's entrance. Through a door, we arrived at the wasteland of Tuchanka's outskirts, of this stone path beneath a collapsed highway up above. The scattered debris and wreckage everywhere would suffice as our cover during combat. Off in the clouded, polluted distance, the taller, forgotten structures of krogan architecture peered through this sandy storm, looming there as mirages. The near-solar eclipse of the sun's rays desperately tried to shine through the contamination clogging the air.

As informal as this mission was, Shepard had no need to give us any direct orders. I knew to take point. Mordin knew to follow me. And we expected Shepard to remain cloaked near the back, covering for us as necessary. Mordin and I worked together to burn through the pockets of Tuchanka's aggressive wildlife that attacked us. He started the flames with his Incinerate; I set them off as detonating flames with my Overload. The fire explosions served us well, helping us push through with ease. Not to mention Shepard sniping anything that got too close. Compared to Horizon, this was practically a vacation for us.

We only ran into a minor problem once we found the Blood Pack themselves.

Those vorcha kept firing their long-range rockets at us. Annoyingly, Mordin and I were forced to remain behind cover while Shepard dealt with them. She kept us safe from the many charging krogan around as well. The pyromaniac vorcha left themselves vulnerable with those gas tanks over their backs—Shepard was brutal enough to shoot those instead, detonating explosions on the crowd. Anything that didn't go down from her sniper rifle burned from Mordin's flames with me.

We made quick work of these mercs outside, arriving to the hospital in record time.

Shepard bypassed the security on the front door, letting us inside first.

I wasn't sure why I expected more cleanliness and sterility from this place. Emptiness of cracked stone and steel everywhere, the building looked just as abused and abandoned as the rest of the planet. This felt more like a shelter from Tuchanka's nuclear civil wars in the past. Not an actual hospital.

"Repurposed krogan hospital," mentioned Mordin. "Sturdy. Built to withstand punishment."

He led the way down the stairs, finding a dead human body there.

"That body. Human. Need to take a look." Mordin performed a scan with his omni-tool, his face alight from the luminous blue of the holographic skeleton. "Sores, tumors, ligatures showing restraint at wrists and ankles. Track marks for repeated injection sites. Test subject. Victim of experimentation."

I asked, "Is there any way to tell who he was?"

"No tattoos or ID. Maybe slave or prisoner. Maybe merc or pirate. Irrelevant now. Clearly part of krogan tests to cure genophage. Humans useful as test subjects. Genetically diverse. Enables exploration of treatment modalities."

Shepard nearly sounded outraged—"Experimenting on humans? That kind of bullshit is what makes Cerberus start to seem like a good idea!"

Rather offended, despite myself, I folded my arms and articulated: "My report will mention that."

She paused. Almost as if she felt like an ass. But only for my sake, not wishing to offend me personally.

On a purely visceral level, Shepard had gone from feeling neutral toward Cerberus, to actively hating us.

After her decisions with Tali, I began to see her thoughts: exactly how and why she'd changed her mind.

The Illusive Man would hear from me again later. After the mission.

Mordin continued on, "Never used humans myself. Disgusting, unethical, sloppy. Used by brute-force researchers, not thinkers. No place in proper science. Krogan use of humans unsurprising. Humans more variable. Peaks and valleys, mutations, adaptations. Far beyond other life. Makes humans more useful test subjects. Larger reactions to smaller stimuli."

Shepard had never mentioned this directly, though I suspected Mordin had his own hands in the genophage. Certainly not the original creation of it—but something related. I believed this was why he was uncomfortable bringing the others along. And yet he trusted me without needing to say a word.

Seeing as we were all in agreeable company, Shepard was frank in saying, "I imagine you had to do some live-subject testing while developing the new genophage."

The genophage modification project from the Salarian Special Tasks Group. Re-sterilizing the krogan before they could adapt to the previous genophage strand, preventing a population explosion.

Mordin and his student Maelon must have taken part in it.

No wonder he didn't want the others to know.

Wrex in particular would've been far less friendly if he'd found out.

"No," replied Mordin. "Unnecessary. Limited tests to simulations, corpses, cloned tissue samples. High-level tests on varren. No tests on species with members capable of calculus. Simple rule. Never broke it."

"What can you tell about their experiments from looking at the body?"

"Position of tumors suggests deliberate mutation of adrenal, pineal glands. Modifying hormone levels. Counterattacks on glands hit by genophage. Clever."

Shepard wondered, "Do you think they're close to curing the genophage?"

"Can't say. Need more data. Conceptually sound, though. Genophage alters hormone levels. Could repair damage with hormonal counterattack."

"We need to shut this place down. Let's find Maelon."

"Yes," agreed Mordin. "Too late to help the dead."

Shepard gestured for me to resume taking point.

I did so, pressing on through the hospital.

These lights shining in from the broken structure lit the way forward. All that haze and smoke filtering through made the lights seem ethereal. Heavenly. All as another illusion. Because once we made it to the next area, I found reality again—along with the Blood Pack from Clan Weyrloc upstairs, above us.

A group of krogan and vorcha passed through the door.

And a sanctimonious krogan among them shouted his speech at us:

"I am the speaker for Clan Weyrloc, offworlders! You have shed our blood. By rights, you should be dead already. But Weyrloc Guld, the Chief of Chiefs, has ordered that you be given leave to flee and spread the message of our coming."

Shepard humored him, "Krogan don't generally let people go. What does Clan Weyrloc have planned?"

"If you walk away now, you can tell your children that you saw Clan Weyrloc before our Blood Pack conquered the stars! You think the Urdnot impressive? They are pitiful. Weyrloc Guld will destroy them! The salarian will cure the genophage, and Clan Weyrloc will spread across the galaxy in a sea of blood!"

Mordin worried, "Appears they discovered Maelon's work. Unfortunate."

Shepard warned, "If you care about the future of Clan Weyrloc, you'll hand over Maelon. Now."

The krogan went on and on—"When we cure the genophage, Weyrloc Guild will rule all krogan! The Krogan Rebellions will become the Krogan Empire—!"

Patience extinguished, Shepard aimed her sidearm in his direction. "You talk too much."

She shot her gun at the gas pipe under his feet.

Startled, the krogan played it off by retrieving his own gun, attempting to mock her: "See? The human cannot hit a simple target!" Hearing that warning, that build-up of pressuring gas over him, he had no idea what awaited. Yet his Blood Pack companions smartly backed away, wanting no part of the fallout.

Unblinking, Shepard fired her gun again.

Combusting that gas with the heat of her shot, she set the self-righteous krogan aflame. Screaming and scorching, she burned him alive without remorse. He then collapsed to the ground as an ashen corpse.

We dealt with the remaining krogan and vorcha mercs in our way. Just like the ones outside, Mordin and I burned as many as we could, cutting off their health from regenerating the damage. Shepard sniped the others, even in the limited space in this room. Once they were all gone, I again led the way ahead.

Mordin soon caught up to me. "Labs likely through here. Can smell antiseptic, hint of dead flesh."

He was right—we soon found the labs, looking as run-down as the rest of the hospital. Such a mess of hazards, displaced ground tiles, craters, and blast residue everywhere. Completely unsanitary. Whoever had performed actual experiments in here must not have been of sound mind, caring little for the subjects involved. This was completely barbaric.

As I found a computer terminal nearby, Mordin went to examine it.

"Active console," he said. "May contain useful data. One moment." Typing away, Mordin searched through the databases. "Genetic sequences. Hormone mutagens still steady. Protein chains, live tissue, cloned tissue. Very thorough." Shepard went over to his side, taking a look for herself. "Standard treatment vectors. Avoiding scorched-earth immuno-suppressants to alter hormone levels. Good. Hate to see that."

Shepard challenged, "Most people wouldn't be so casual about developing a sterility plague, Mordin."

"Not developing," justified Mordin. "Modifying. Much more difficult. Working within confines of existing genophage. A hundred times the complexity. Errors unacceptable. Could cause total sterility, malignant tumors. Could even reduce effectiveness. Worse than doing nothing." That did seem sound, but… "Had to keep krogan population stable. One in one thousand. Perfect target, optimal growth. Like gardening."

I couldn't accept that. "Murder is murder, especially on this scale. Doesn't matter how you spin it."

"No. Murdered no one. Altered fertility, prevented fetal development of nervous system. Have killed many, Miranda. Many methods. Gunfire, knives, drugs, tech attacks. Once with farming equipment. But not with medicine."

"Was it truly that important to keep the krogan population stable, then?"

"Yes," he insisted. "Could have eradicated krogan. Not difficult. Increased mutation to degrade genetic structure further. Chose not to. Rachni extinction tragic. Didn't want to repeat. All life precious. Universe demands diversity."

"Well, I'm curious now," I said. "You never shared any information about this with me. What was it like, working on this genophage modification project?"

Mordin smiled in nostalgia. "Best years of my life! Wake up with ideas. Talk over breakfast. Experiments all morning. Statistical analysis in afternoon. Run new simulations during dinner, set data runs to cook overnight. Laughter. Ego. Argument. Passion. Galaxy's biggest problem, massive resources thrown at us. Got anything we wanted."

That did sound a lot like my work with Cerberus in years past. So I could relate in that sense.

Shepard asked, "Do you keep in touch with your old team members?"

"No. All changed with deployment. Made test drop on isolated krogan clan. Hit rest of Tuchanka when results were positive. End of project. Separate ways. Watching it end, watching birth rates drop. Personal. Private. Not appropriate for team."

"Sounds like you were pretty important. How'd you go from that to running a clinic on Omega?"

"Wanted to heal people," shared Mordin. "Good use of last decade. Something easy. No ethical concerns. Understand rationale for modified genophage. Right choice. Still hard to sleep some nights."

"Then how can you agree with using the genophage, Mordin? Look at what happened to Tuchanka."

"State of Tuchanka not due to genophage. Common misconception. Nuclear winter caused by krogan before salarians made first contact. Krogan choices. Refuse truce during Krogan Rebellions. Expand after Rachni Wars. Splinter after genophage. Genophage medical, not nuclear. No craters from virus. Damage caused by krogan, not salarians. Not me."

Shepard clearly had Wrex's struggles on her mind—"Even if that's true, the causes and effects of the genophage still ripple out to this day. This virus keeps them in barbarism—you have to know that."

Mordin continued to deflect blame—"Krogan committed war crimes. Refused to negotiate. Turian defeat not complete. Krogan could have recovered, attacked again. Conventional war too risky. Krogan forces too strong. Genophage was only option. Krogan forced genophage. Us or them. No apologies for winning. Wouldn't have minded peaceful solution."

"So if the krogan banded together and formed a united government, like what Wrex is trying to do, you'd welcome that?"

"Yes. United krogan saved galaxy, destroyed rachni. Genophage not punishment. Simply alters fertility to correct for removal from hostile environment."

Pushing her frustration away, Shepard declared, "It's clear you've made up your mind. We're not going to find Maelon staring at consoles. Come on."

In the next room, we found a series of medical beds.

Lying atop one of them was a krogan body, covered from view, with a datapad sitting nearby.

Mordin went to examine the remains.

"Dead krogan. Female. Tumors indicate experimentation. No restraint marks. Volunteer. Sterile Weyrloc female willing to risk procedures. Hoped for cure. Pointless. Pointless waste of life."

Shepard spoke my thoughts: "I didn't expect you to be disturbed by the sight of a dead krogan."

"What? Why?" asked Mordin, offended. "Because of genophage work? Irrelevant. No, causative. Never experimented on live krogan. Never killed with medicine! Her death not my work, only reaction to it. Goal was to stabilize population, as explained. Never wanted this. Can see it logically…but still unnecessary. Foolish waste of life. Hate to see it."

"Did you come to Tuchanka after dropping your plague? To see the effects of what happened?"

"Yearly recon missions. Water, tissue samples. Ensure no mistakes. Superiors offered to carry it on. Refused. Need to see it in-person. Need to look. Need to see. Accept it as necessary. See small picture. Remind myself why I ran clinic on Omega." Mordin then held his hand out near the body, offering what sounded like a surprising prayer: "Rest, young mother. Find your gods. Find someplace better."

"I didn't expect spirituality from you, Mordin."

"Genophage modification project altered millions of lives. Then saw results. Ego, humility, juxtaposition. Frailty of life. Size of universe. Explored religions after work completed. Different races. No answers. Many questions."

Shepard recognized the truth. "Sounds like you were trying to deal with your guilty conscience. The doctor who killed millions."

Mordin perhaps agreed. "Modified genophage project great in scope. Scientifically brilliant. But ethically difficult. Krogan reaction visceral, tragic. Not guilty, but responsible. Trained as doctor. Genophage affects fertility. Doesn't kill. Still caused this. Hard to see big picture behind pile of corpses."

"Can you rationalize it away just like that? How do you justify it?"

"Wheel of life. Popular salarian concept. Similar to human Hinduism in focus on reincarnation. Appealing to see life as endless. Fix mistakes in next life. Learn, adapt, improve. Refuse to believe life ends here. Too wasteful. Have more to offer. Mistakes to fix. Cannot end here. Could do so much more."

"If you need this much soul-searching to get over it, maybe the genophage was wrong."

"Had to be done," rationalized Mordin. "Rachni Wars, Krogan Rebellions all pointed to krogan aggression. So many simulations. Effects of krogan population increase. All pointed to war. Extinction. Genophage or genocide. Save galaxy from krogan. Save krogan from galaxy."

Shepard seemed as if she had more arguments to make. More disagreements to bring up.

She saw no point in debating with Mordin on this any further. He wouldn't listen.

Sensing her feelings on the matter, Mordin lowered his head in shame. In defeat.

Her silence spoke enough to him.

I got the hint well enough to continue on ahead. Shepard and Mordin followed behind me as before.

As we pushed through the hospital, fighting more Blood Pack mercs, I saw the parallels to my own situation. Mordin's fact-based justifications for the genophage mirrored my worst habits, my worst rationalizations in times of distress. Telling myself that something was necessary usually helped to absolve myself of guilt. I had done the same in my previous decisions with Shepard and Ashley, during that harrowing two-year period. And I had done it again more recently, in my about-face on making these exceptions with Shepard, with our relationship down the line.

If the Illusive Man had never showed me those troubling data points, convincing me that I was compromised, I wouldn't feel the way I did today.

I wouldn't have pissed Shepard off, either.

As sharp as she was, the reality was now clear—she'd suspected what the Illusive Man had done, and why. She'd figured it out. She knew that I hadn't made this decision of my own accord. She wouldn't stand by and let me destroy myself over the data, and the simulations about this third person with us.

Of course I didn't want any repeats of the past, if I somehow turned Shepard against me…

I wanted to keep her safe.

But I also couldn't afford to insult her intelligence like this today. She knew, and she was still here.

That had to mean more than anything. And it did.

Shepard's determination to be patient with me spoke such volumes.

We proceeded through the hospital, downstairs and across a series of elevated pathways. At some point near the end, we encountered Chief Weyrloc Guld, a prominent leader of the Blood Pack. But there was no fanfare about it, as Shepard put him down with one shot, ending his battle cries without incident. None of these mercs were a match for her concentration and precision. This was child's play for her.

Past the final door at the hospital's lowest level, we discovered a larger lab. At the back of the room was a wide display, glowing orange in the poor lighting, flanked by more medical beds on either side. Right in front of that display was a single salarian in a lab coat, working at the console in diligence.

Mordin approached the younger salarian. "Maelon," he said. "Alive. Unharmed." His assistant turned around to look at us, before continuing to work. "No signs of restraint. No evidence of torture. Don't understand."

Taunting, Maelon fired back at him in a sniveling voice—"For such a smart man, Professor, you always had trouble seeing evidence that disagreed with your preconceptions." He turned to face us properly, speaking on in defiance: "How long will it take you to admit that I'm here because I wish to be here?"

Shepard knew. "This isn't a rescue operation. He came here on his own to cure the genophage."

Maelon nodded emphatically.

Startled and enraged, Mordin scolded him, "Impossible. Whole team agreed! Project necessary!"

"How was I supposed to disagree with the great Doctor Solus?! I was your student! I looked up to you!"

"Experiments performed here. Live subjects! Prisoners! Torture and executions. Your doing?"

Maelon defended himself—"We've already got the blood of millions on our hands, Doctor. If it takes a bit more to put things right, I can deal with that."

Shepard questioned, "You honestly think the experiments you did here are justified?"

"We committed cultural genocide! Nothing I do will ever be justified! The experiments are monstrous…because I was taught to be a monster."

"Mordin, did you ever perform experiments like this? You said you didn't work on live krogan."

"No," said Mordin. "Never taught you this, Maelon."

Maelon argued, "So your hands are clean! What does it matter if the ground is stained with the blood of millions?! You taught me that the ends justified the means. I will undo what we did, Professor. The only way I know how. Because don't you see? We tried to play god, and we failed! We only made things worse…and I'm going to fix it."

Shepard asked, "Then why work with Clan Weyrloc? And how did you access the genophage data?"

"The data was easy to obtain. We all still had clearance. We were heroes. All we had to do was ask… As for the Weyrloc, they were the only clan with both the resources and the commitment. I know you're here with Clan Urdnot. But Wrex is too soft. He wasn't willing to do the experiments I needed. It's Urdnot's loss and Weyrloc's gain. Their clan will be the first to recover from the crime we committed."

"Mordin, what do you want to do? We're getting nowhere with this."

Mordin decided—"Have to end this."

Panicked, Maelon pulled a paltry gun on us. "You can't face the truth, can you? Can't admit that your brilliant mind led you to commit an atrocity—!"

Enraged, Mordin struck his student, pushing him back through the console, against the far wall.

He then pulled out his own gun, aiming it at Maelon's head, intimidating:

"Unacceptable experiments. Unacceptable goals. Won't change. No choice. Have to kill you."

That deer in headlights look from Maelon was the last I saw of him.

Shepard and I watched as Mordin shot right through his head, blood spattering against the wall.

Cold and clinical, Mordin corrected the record: "Apologies, Commander. Miranda. Misunderstood mission parameters. No kidnapping. My mistake. Thank you."

Shepard wished to know, "Is there anything else we need to do here?"

"Maelon's research," said Mordin, checking the nearby console. "Only loose end. Could destroy it. Closure, security. Still valuable, though."

"If you think it could be useful, why not hang onto it?"

"Worked for years to create modified genophage. Should destroy this. Maelon's work could cure genophage. Don't know. Effects on krogan. Effects on galaxy. Too many variables. Too many variables!"

Shepard made the executive decision: "There's nothing wrong with keeping it. Save the data."

"Point taken, Shepard," accepted Mordin. "Capturing data. Wiping local copy. Still years away from cure. But closer than starting from scratch." He shut down the console. "Done. Ready to go. Ready to be off Tuchanka. Anywhere else. Maybe somewhere sunny. Your hometown appealing location."

"We can head to San Diego a little later on. Miranda wants to go to Illium first. We have a couple of other squad members to recruit there."

"Yes, of course. Illium fine location. Asari ingenuity. Popular cultural center. Gateway to Terminus Systems, along with questionable caste practices and trade legalities. Might go shopping for relevant literature on spirituality in meantime. Looking forward to meeting new team members."

I informed them, "We shouldn't have a problem with those potential recruits. One of my most trusted contacts will have more information about their whereabouts. Not to mention, Commander, I'd also like us to speak with Shiala, the asari disciple you met on Feros. My sources tell me that she's on Illium as well. I'd like her guidance on how things have progressed with your protections. It should be helpful to have her confirmation on a few things as well."

"I get what you mean," said Shepard. "Let's get out of here. I've had enough of this hospital."

---

After returning to Wrex's camp, Shepard decided to stay with him, Garrus, Tali, Kaidan, and Joker. Mordin and I went ahead back to the ship, allowing the old team to spend this time together. We spent the shuttle ride in a distant, yet respectful silence. Mordin had much on his mind, just as I did. Our upcoming excursion to Illium couldn't have come at a better time for us both.

I made my way to the comm room as soon as possible.

And then I called the Illusive Man via the QEC, knowing that he would pick up.

If for some reason he chose not to, then he could expect a strongly-worded email from me instead. I'd never expected to send my boss such a nastygram, and yet here I was.

Luckily, he decided to accept the call. I reappeared in this vivid space, finding the Illusive Man's cigarette smoke obfuscating the sights.

"Miranda. I wasn't expecting to hear from you again so soon. What is it that you need?"

"The truth, that's what," I scoffed. "But first, you should know—Shepard and I won't be proceeding with that arrangement with Tali. The commander has yet to communicate this to me directly. I already know which decision she's made. And I agree with her choice. Whatever happens in the future, it has to be dependent on our bond and our bond alone. I can't count on someone else's influence to save her."

The Illusive Man gave a sound of satisfaction. As if he'd planned this all along.

"So it would seem. I understand your reasoning. It should only be you. One mind, one master. You are correct."

"Then why suggest otherwise in the first place? Why would you even put that idea in my head?! You knew I'd drive myself insane, worrying about this and that, constantly… Why did you push me into this?"

He said nothing in response.

All he did was smoke his cigarette anew, breaths blowing out as that hazy mist.

"Sir, was this some sort of test for Shepard? Is that it?"

Cinders lighting up near his lips, the Illusive Man lingered in that inhale. Purposeful, thoughtful.

Pissing me off all over again.

"Or are you trying to push me away from you!? Better yet, is it both? Do you have an agenda with this?"

The Illusive Man refused to answer me.

He just…stared into my eyes. Riddling with his fixed gaze. Smoke clouding his intentions more and more.

Even though he wouldn't say a word, I knew.

The answer to my questions was obvious.

The longer I stared back at him, the more I feared what he had done. I was too terrified to look back any further; to question if this was the first time. I worried that the Illusive Man had been doing this for much, much longer—perhaps for all these years we'd worked together—and I'd simply never noticed.

That possibility revealed itself even more once I ended the call.

He didn't fight the issue. He let me hang up on him. He expected my anger. He expected everything. And he took it without complaint. Without scolding me in response.

Alone in this silence of the comm room, I considered the weight of my fears. At this time, I couldn't fathom the rest. I couldn't question the Illusive Man any further than this scenario, anywhere beyond this current situation. Though my bond with Shepard had been restored, I lamented the possible decay of this other bond…with my boss. The one man I'd counted on for my entire adult life. The one person who'd given me a true purpose in life by believing in me. Giving me these opportunities. Allowing me to work as hard as I could to rise up on my own, well past my previous traumas and limitations.

Yet with or without saying a word, Shepard demanded my full loyalty to her.

She expected me to be better than this. I expected her to do the same for me.

This fire, this love she gave me meant far more than anything. And she had conceded her mind to my care, to my rule, trusting me above all. And even though I couldn't move past these fears today—even though I couldn't dare look down into the abyss of the truth—I accepted that I would have to do so eventually. Taking these small, important steps toward that eventuality, I needed Shepard by my side.

As I touched this collar over my neck, I felt these other needs. I needed to be worthy of her trust. Her consideration.

I needed to be the only one she would've died for again.