Chapter 5 -- Friends Forever
Cole closed his eyes, considering what to say, where to begin. "Have you ever been betrayed by a friend, Mel?" he asked softly.
She shook her head. "No, Cole. Not on anything serious. I can only imagine how painful it must be for you."
"He was... like a brother, Mel. Closer." Cole sighed and buried his face in his hands, thinking. "He told me so many times that I was wrong to trust him so much. 'Daggon, never trust a Vardian', he said. I thought… I thought he was joking." He looked up at Mel, wearing that confused-child expression that she had seen on him so often in their early days together. "I... I would joke back." He shook his head, lost in memories of better days.
It had been the last vacation he would ever take with his family, although he had no way of knowing that at the time. Zin and his family had come along as well; the families always vacationed together. This year it was Orsus so Daggon could teach the children about the native flora there. Of course, very little of their time there was actually dedicated to that pursuit. The children preferred playing tag and exploring, the adults sight-seeing. And Orsus definitely had some beautiful sights to behold.
Zin and Daggon sat on a cliff overlooking the ocean. On the beach below, their wives were talking while watching the children splash in the surf.
"How far along is Etala?" Daggon asked Zin, handing him one of the local drinks, a brightly-colored fermented beverage.
Zin smiled faintly. "You noticed. I didn't think you would."
Daggon shrugged. "I'm a perceptive man, Doctor Zin..." he told the Vardian with a hint of irony in his voice. He knew as well as anyone that most Migar species considered the Cirronian race to be clueless in most regards.
Daggon's persistence in addressing Zin as 'Doctor Zin' was something of a joke between them. As a member of Varda's elite scientific community, the title 'Doctor' was his due, but he had always insisted that Daggon call him Zin, his familiar name. Daggon was, by his nature, playful for a Cirronian, and he had taken to calling the clearly amused Vardian 'Doctor Zin'. When Zin was in a particularly expansive mood, he had called Daggon first 'Professor Daggon' and later, after he had stopped teaching, 'Tracker'.
Zin eyed him thoughtfully for a moment before replying. "Not so perceptive that you've learned that my species is not to be trusted. Never trust a Vardian, Daggon."
Daggon was amused and let it show. "Oh, but I don't trust the Vardians, Zin..." he replied cheerfully, taking a long sip of his drink. He preferred it more for its bitter-sweet taste than for its mind-altering properties, but he enjoyed those as well at times. It was a good way to relax after a long, stressful day of Tracking criminals.
"You still trust me..." Zin pointed out.
"You're different, Zin." Daggon's eyes twinkled with amusement. "You're my friend. That changes things. It's forever."
Zin's amusement flickered. "It doesn't change my nature, Tracker."
"You're too serious!" the young Cirronian exclaimed in amused exasperation. "Zin, it's a vacation. For once in your life just relax."
"Get me another drink, Daggon, and I'll see what I can do." Zin's amusement was obvious in his voice. As Daggon handed him another drink, he asked, "When are you and your wife going to have a second child?"
Daggon felt his own good cheer wavering and he drained his glass. "We decided it would not be wise. As much as Ashi would love a sibling... with… my job..."
"I told you that you'd never be happy as a Tracker."
"And you were right, Zin, as always." Daggon rose and found himself another drink. "I'm quitting next season."
Zin was surprised. Once idealism had forced the Cirronian into the profession of Tracker, he had assumed that the same thing, coupled with the boy's stubborn-streak, would keep him from leaving it. He had known that Daggon would be unhappy as a Tracker, had done his best to talk his friend out of it. The Cirronian had been amused by his friend's vehemence, going so far as to joke that Zin was engaged in some activity that made it a bad idea for him to have a Tracker as a friend. Zin had laughed that off, secretly troubled, though not because he yet planned anything illegal.
There could be no doubt that a Cirronian, any Cirronian would be miserable as a Tracker. They were simply not prepared by their upbringings to casually accept the amount of brutality that existed in the Migar system. It went against everything they believed to accept violence as anything other than a very rare fluke, an aberration, the exception that proved the rule. Many Cirronians were idealistic enough to assume that they could make a difference as Trackers, but few lasted, and, even after they had returned to their old lives, the damage was done. They became hard, cynical, paranoid for the safety of those they cared about... everything that a Cirronian was not meant to be.
Still, sitting and drinking with his friend, Zin wondered if Daggon might not be one of those few who escaped unscathed. The Cirronian was just resilient enough, just stubborn enough, just blind enough to make it possible. He nodded his approval to Daggon and turned the conversation to lighter matters. Let Daggon have his happy, clueless life with his wife and family, teaching young Cirronians how to be blind to the intrinsic nature of all living things. It would be for the best, he knew, especially once his plans came to fruition.
Of course, once the young Cirronian's family had been murdered, he had nothing but his job as a Tracker, and he threw himself into it with more passion than before, forgetting that he had ever intended to leave the profession. Zin knew that something inside of the Cirronian had died that day and felt nothing but pity for a man that he still considered his friend, in spite of what he was planning. The fire had gone out of the Cirronian's eyes, and out of his soul. All of the old passion for life was gone, replaced by grim determination. Nothing would ever change this, though Zin was pleased when Cole met Lontoria at Sar-Top and regained at least a little of his spark. It gave him hope that, some day, the Cirronian might find another to love, and another reason to live.
It took Cole several moments to become aware that Mel was trying to draw his attention. He had been so absorbed in the memory of their last family vacation together that he had almost forgotten her presence. He had seldom seen Zin's family after that. Zin had seemed to think that seeing his family might cause the Cirronian pain, so their subsequent vacations had been alone together. He found himself feeling sorry for Zin, separated from his family by 100 light-years. Zin had always adored his wife and their offspring, especially his firstborn.
He smiled at Mel. "Sorry, just thinking..." he told her.
"What about?" Mel asked gently.
"Zin. The last vacation we took together before my family was killed."
Mel nodded. "You were really as close as brothers?" she asked.
"Closer..." Cole told her simply. "Friendship is a commitment that Cirronians take very seriously. Certain things are... expected." He shook his head. "Required."
Mel nodded. "I guess Zin didn't take it as seriously..." she said softly.
Cole shook his head. "Vardians have a very strong sense of it as well, Mel, but it's different than the Cirronian sentiment. The only thing stronger than friendship is family, but they hold friendship sacred, Mel, like the Cirronians. For them, it's... a Code of Honor, a brotherhood between two warriors."
"But neither of you were warriors."
"It doesn't matter." Cole shook his head. "We were equals in his mind, so it's the same thing. Zin still abides by the Code."
Mel frowned, startled. "Must be one hell of a twisted Code of Honor."
Cole shrugged. "You would have a problem understanding it, I think. I do, sometimes. But he still abides by it."
"How?" Mel asked curiously.
"He did not kill me when he could have. I doubt he'll ever be able to bring himself to kill me with his own hand, Mel. It would be too much to expect of him."
"So he sends Orsusian and Dessarian assassins after you and it's still all good?" Mel asked, disgusted.
"In his mind, yes. Vardians... they look at life differently." He shrugged. "I doubt it is easy for him, Mel, to try to kill me. I doubt it was easy for him to kill you, knowing that I cared for you. He did everything he could to keep me from forcing the necessity on him, and then he did it in a way that he knew I could reverse. To you it may not seem like much, but to me..." He shook his head, sighing deeply, grateful to Zin that he still had Mel in his life.
Mel sighed and slid a comforting arm around his shoulder. "You still think of him as your friend, don't you, Cole?" she asked gently.
He nodded. "I know it seems strange to you, Mel, but... Friendship for a Cirronian, it's forever, Mel. Nothing can change that."
"I'm sorry..." she whispered, reaching up with her other hand and gently patting his shoulder.
Cole nodded pensively and covered her hand with his own. "It can be so confusing, Mel. So... so painful."
"I know, Cole." She sighed and nodded. "I wish there was something I could do, some way I could help."
He smiled and nodded. He touched one hand to Mel's heart and the other to her forehead and murmured a phrase in Cirronian. He was expressing his gratitude to her for allowing him to be her friend, and for being there when he needed her, and he wanted to do it well, not in his halting, imperfect English. Mel smiled back at him. It was a beautiful expression whatever it meant. She did not want to ask, doubting that it could possibly seem as beautiful rendered into any human tongue.
They sat smiling at each other for several minutes, enjoying being close, being friends.
When Mel spoke, it was reluctantly. "So... what do we do now? About Zin? Will he just give up?"
Cole sighed deeply. "He will go after Lontoria again, Mel..." he told her quietly. "If only to get to me. He knows how I feel about her."
Mel felt a brief twinge, not of jealousy, but of regret. Whatever they had shared must have been very profound indeed. Cole had told her before that she would not have been able to understand the nature of their relationship and she found herself, not for the first time, wondering about that comment. Had their love been so intense that he did not think she could understand its depth or had their relationship been so totally outside of her frame of reference that she genuinely could not have understood it? Did it even matter right now? She supposed not. There were only two things that mattered right now. In some way, Cole loved Lontoria and Lontoria was in danger. As Cole's friend, Mel felt bound to help her, if only for his sake.
"So what do we do? How do we keep her safe?"
"If Zin truly wants her, Mel, nothing we can do will keep her safe."
Mel sighed deeply and rubbed her forehead, feeling defeated. "So we just give up?"
Cole shook his head. "I can't do that either."
Mel shook her head, not understanding. "Then what?"
"I'll just have to ask Zin to leave her alone." Cole shrugged.
"What?" Mel asked, aghast. "Cole, you can not reason with a man like Zin."
Cole nodded agreement. "No, Mel, I can't. But I might still be able to convince him to leave her alone."
"Cole... no." Mel shook her head. His tone, decisive and reasonable, worried her a lot. He was, once again, planning on doing one of those things that was as likely as not to get him killed, and reason would be ineffective in trying to deter him.
Cole smiled reassuringly at her and lightly touched her throat. She was worried, as she so frequently was over his plans. They had fundamentally different ways of looking at the universe and the result was that their plans seldom met with each other's approval. But it hardly mattered. Cole knew Zin; Mel did not.
"I can go to Zin. I can make him promise to leave her alone, Mel..." he assured her. With luck, he could even make Zin promise to leave Mel alone. She had been in so much danger so many times lately.
"Cole that is..." She shook her head. "You can't. It's dangerous. You can't just walk up to Zin, say 'leave Lontoria alone' and expect him to agree."
"He will, Mel. I can make him." Cole nodded confidently. "I know you don't believe me, Mel, but it's true. I can make Zin swear to leave Lontoria alone. I can." He hoped. Maybe he was just being his normal, gullible self, but he firmly believed that it lay in his power to make Zin abandon his plans for Lontoria.
Mel shook her head. "You can't, Cole."
"Don't try, Daggon, it's too much of a risk..." Lontoria said softly, entering the living-room. "It counts on too many variables that you just can't know, not the least of which is whether Zin ever really considered you his friend."
"I know that he did..." Cole said simply. "And I believe that he still does. I can use that."
"Only if you're right." Lontoria sighed. "Daggon, it's dangerous. It's... beyond dangerous. It's stupid!"
"It's all I have." Cole shrugged. There was simply no other way that he could see. Even Collecting Zin's life-force did not guarantee that Zin's people would leave Lontoria alone. The only way to do that was to get Zin to agree. And he was confident that he could. This time, he thought, it was not blind faith but an understanding of that which made Zin Vardian. They had been friends for many years, and in spite of the betrayal of the later years, Cole remained confident that he still knew Zin the way only one friend can know another.
Lontoria shook her head. "I wouldn't, Daggon. I have to advise against it. I... I don't want you getting hurt because of me." She sighed, scared and frustrated and suddenly wishing that she had stayed on Sar-Top after all.
"I won't get hurt..." he assured her gently, rising and moving in front of her.
"Cole, you don't know that..." Mel protested, rising as well. "This is Zin we're talking about."
"You don't have to be afraid..." Cole assured her quietly. "I promise you. I will take care of both of you."
"Is there any way I can talk you out of this?" Mel asked quietly.
Cole shook his head gently. "No, Mel." As quietly reassuring as he was, he knew that there was every possibility that Zin would have him killed for his troubles. It was a chance he was willing to take, but he would not burden Mel with the knowledge.
Mel looked at Lontoria with wide eyes, silently begging her to do something.
"Daggon..." the Cirronian woman began.
"I have to do this..." Cole told them. He produced Kettai's Collector, handing it to Mel.
"No. Cole..." Mel shook her head, refusing to accept it.
"It's not dangerous..." he assured her gently.
"You need to have it with you..." Mel retorted, shaking her head.
Cole sighed and placed it on the coffee-table. "Take care of each other." He sighed deeply, regarding the two women. "Mel, if I'm not back by tonight--"
"Don't..." she pled.
"Gwen will know how to get in touch with Kettai. You ask him to do what he can for Lontoria. Give him his Collector back."
"Cole..." she said softly, shaking her head.
He smiled and gently caressed her throat. "Don't worry, Mel. It'll be fine. Take care of Lontoria and stay safe."
He considered kissing her, but thought better of it. She was worried enough without him doing something that seemed almost like saying good-bye. He pressed his lips to her forehead instead, squeezing her shoulders gently. He smiled at Lontoria, touching his hand to her heart, and then went into hyper-speed before either woman could protest further.
"He's going to get himself killed..." Mel whispered, shaking her head. She felt horribly, mind-numbingly fearful for him.
"Have a little bit of faith in him..." Lontoria suggested gently, smiling at Mel. "He may be an idealist, but he's nobody's fool."
"He trusted Zin..." Mel muttered.
"A lot of people trusted Zin." Lontoria shrugged.
"You?"
She nodded. "I did. He, Daggon, and I were very close friends on Sar-Top." She sat down. "He cares about you very much, you know."
"Cole?" Mel nodded. "Yeah, I... know. He... God, I've never met a man like him before and I never will again. He's... everything, you know? Kind, intelligent, gentle, compassionate..." She sighed deeply. "I'm going to miss him so much when he goes..." she said, almost to herself.
"You must love him very much."
Mel regarded her mutely, a shocked expression on her face. She had not realized that she was so obvious about her feelings for Cole.
Noting Mel's discomfort and obvious embarrassment at having been 'found out', Lontoria confided quietly, "As do I. But I know that he will never feel the same for me."
"Horrible, isn't it?" Mel asked quietly, feeling that she knew exactly where Lontoria was coming from.
"You think he doesn't love you?" she asked gently, wondering if telling Mel the truth would qualify as betraying Cole's confidence.
"I don't know." Mel shrugged. "I know that what he feels isn't going to keep him from leaving me one day. I know that we can't have a relationship now because of his job." She shrugged again.
"You think his profession changes the nature of his feelings for you?"
Mel sighed and shook her head. "No." She looked up at Lontoria, who was looking at her with sympathy and understanding. "I don't know. I just wish that he occasionally needed me as much as I sometimes need him. But, I mean... he's Cole. You know? He doesn't need anyone."
Lontoria smiled faintly. "Oh, Daggon needs. More strongly than a human likely ever could."
"I, uh... don't follow..." Mel said softly.
"No, I suppose you wouldn't." Lontoria shrugged. "They say in the Migar Federation that what Cirronians lack in insight they make up for in intensity. We... feel very strongly, even if we don't let it show. And Daggon..." She shook her head. "I've never met a Cirronian that feels as strongly as he does." She shrugged. "You can't always see it, but it's always there, right under the surface. Love, passion, intensity, anguish... anger. He feels those things so strongly..." She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Forget I mentioned it."
"Lontoria, I'm not even sure why you mentioned it..." Mel told her, shaking her head in confusion. She was vaguely troubled by Lontoria's inclusion of anger into the litany; it was simply not an emotion that she associated with Cole. Mel could not help but wonder what Lontoria knew that she did not.
Lontoria could see the human's curiosity and could guess its source. "That he's never displayed it doesn't mean he's never felt it. I think that it would be... unnatural for Daggon to feel anything but angry with Rhee for what he did."
"I... I can't picture Cole..."
"Ever acting on it..." Lontoria finished for her, nodding. "And he would not, but that doesn't make his anger any less real. He restrains himself as much by necessity as anything. He's very strong, very powerful. Would you want to be on the receiving end of his wrath?" She shook her head. "He contains himself because he understands the danger of unchecked emotions."
"What, like Vulcans?" Mel asked, confused and grabbing on to the first analogy that popped into her head.
Lontoria smiled, amused. "No. Cirronians acknowledge their emotions, hold them dear. We just understand that it's not always wise to act on them." Her smile faded. "I was angry once, and I acted on it."
"When you sold your research to the Vardians?"
She nodded. "Thousands have died because of that research. More will in the future. Because I was angry. It's causality. Acting on negative emotions can never have anything but negative consequences. So we... psychiatrists have a word for it... we channel our negative energy into a positive outlet. In Daggon's case, coming to Sar-Top to make sure that no one else would suffer as he did. It was his way of fighting off the anger, of keeping himself sane, but... his eyes." She pointed to her own for emphasis. "You could see it there, all of it. The pain, the anger, the internal struggle. Have you ever looked into those eyes?"
Mel nodded. "They're so expressive. I don't know that I've ever seen anger, frustration maybe... and so much sorrow sometimes..." she added in a whisper, near tears at the thought of the kind of pain that she had seen in Cole's eyes more than once. Tina, his capture by the government, after the seminar...
"Yeah." Lontoria nodded. "That pain... He's suffered so much in his life. It used to be ever-present." She paused for a moment, not wanting to betray Cole's confidence, but very much wanting Mel to understand. She smiled and took the woman's hand in hers before speaking. "You did what we all doubted anyone ever could. You made him happy again."
Mel blinked, startled.
Lontoria nodded. "I thank you for that."
Mel started to shake her head, not feeling like she really deserved Lontoria's thanks for something she had not even realized she had done. "I didn't..." she began.
"You made him happy..." she repeated gently. "Zin saw it, too."
"Well, I'm glad that he's happier than he was, I just wish that he could be happier."
"In time I'm sure he will..." Lontoria assured her gently.
"What... what was he like when you knew him? Was he really sad all the time? Angry?" Mel asked, curiously.
"He was what anyone would be after having lost what he did. There were days when the only reason he carried on was the belief that it was his own personal responsibility to make sure that Rhee didn't kill again. Zin and I and some of the others... we did what we could to cheer him, and there were days when it helped. But, always, that sadness remained there, like a dark veil over his face. Sometimes more and sometimes less, but..." She sighed deeply but not unhappily. "Last time I saw him, it was less, and... this time... almost gone. As if... as if a void inside of his soul is being filled. I'm not sure what you've done or how, but you've given him a reason to live other than his job." She paused for a moment. "And for that I thank you."
Mel smiled and bowed her head. "I'd do more if I knew how. He's... a wonderful man."
Lontoria nodded. "Loyal, compassionate, understanding, kind..."
Mel picked up the litany with a smile. "Gentle, loving, trustworthy, brave..."
"And too many other things to name. We could be sitting here with a thesaurus half the night and not come close."
Mel laughed softly. "You're right on that one."
Lontoria smiled at her. "Will you tell me how he's been? What he's been doing?"
"Where to start?" Mel asked, shaking her head. There was just so much to be said.
"Perhaps at the beginning?" Lontoria suggested, smiling.
Mel shrugged and nodded, folding her feet comfortably under herself and starting with their first meeting, drawing amused laughter from Lontoria with her description of the ungainly, incoherent, half-naked, and seemingly quite mad man whom she had dubbed 'Cole'. The two were soon deeply absorbed in Mel's narrative. Lontoria found it comforting to know that, even half a universe away from Cirron, it came back down to the same thing: two souls become one.