Requiem of the Goddess Chapter 56: Armax Arena - Edge of Insanity, a mass effect fanfic

"V" from Cyberpunk 2077

LVI. Armax Arena – Edge of Insanity

(Aria)

Peace and quiet found me in this control room, my defense system station looking out to the stars. Only the gentle sounds of Omega's equipment running everywhere, and my typing at this control panel.

At the end of May now for humans back on Earth, it was nearly time.

I would leave for the Citadel soon, meeting Shepard and her team there. Our team… To join them.

Alone I stood at this holographic map of my station, looking everything over one last time. The strengthened kinetic barrier up ahead separated this room from the starry void outside. Just as dark, this whole area seemed much brighter, if only because it belonged to me. I had spent these past few weeks since Bekenstein protecting my possessions, bolstering my belongings. All from the money Cerberus had so generously paid me for helping Shepard thus far. I had upgraded Omega's outer defenses, all to make absolutely sure that no one could take advantage of my upcoming absence. And I had put the necessary infrastructures in place to make sure I could handle my business here remotely.

I wasn't too concerned about leaving Omega to join Shepard more permanently now, much earlier than either of us had anticipated. I knew Jarral would keep things under control with my troops, using them to patrol and secure the station as necessary. Ahz would take care of station-wide engineering projects, further preventing anyone from compromising our systems. Bray would handle all other domestic operations in my stead, after checking in with me first. They were all loyal, so I trusted them to do this.

Besides, even if Shepard hadn't asked me to join her, I would've wanted her to do it by now.

We had spent these past few weeks talking, laughing, vibing. I had enjoyed teasing the hell out of Shepard, steadily building up to more, whenever she couldn't control herself any longer. I needed to be closer to her. In every way imaginable. But that had made me realize something. Something difficult:

On a superficial level, I wasn't worried about Shepard's sexual chemistry with me. We had that magnetism between us. We had that pull. She was my complete opposite where it mattered, where I needed her to be, and it kept this fire burning hot between us. I adored that. Yet I had slowly come to see that there was more to this picture. More to our pairing, beyond that shallow, superficial type of sex we could've had. Whether it was now or in the future, Shepard would need more from me. A lot more.

Emotional support.

I knew she needed that from me, too.

Shepard had never said it. She had never given it much life. It was just something I sensed, something I felt. Of course Shepard accepted me as I was. But I wanted to be more for her. And that meant stepping up to the plate with this. With a concept I knew so little about; one that I had avoided for all my life.

Liselle and I had made progress on this front. Mother-daughter. That was fine.

But in a relationship…it was totally different. I wasn't sure how to handle this whole thing. Not yet.

I stared out to the stars of the Terminus past Omega's kinetic barrier. This silence, these sounds of the mechanical equipment all around—I could hear my own uncertainty. These palpitations in my chest. Beating at this abnormal pace, just from thinking of her. Blood rushing everywhere. Throbbing between.

I took a deep breath. Trying to calm myself. It didn't work.

Some cynical part of me had expected my feelings to die off by now. As if I wasn't capable of sustaining these kinds of emotions for one person. Some time ago, I used to think this was just an infatuation. But after Tevos had called me out the last time we spoke, and after Shepard had spent these weeks brightening my days beyond measure, I knew what this was. I also knew I couldn't possibly deny it now.

Leaving this control room, I took my secret tunnels as a shortcut, returning topside.

And once I made my way back, I passed along Omega's main boulevard, heading to Afterlife. As I walked along, I saw how much things had improved around here. Ever since I had decided to make these drastic changes. No homeless out in the streets anymore. The streets themselves weren't so dominated by that desolation and despair, cleansed for the most part. I had replaced those Talon mercs disguised as militia guards with an actual police force. I was sick of Nyreen thinking she could keep an eye on me through those mercs of hers, and I wanted to appease her by keeping Omega's crime rate down. Appease, because I had never dropped my suspicions of her, my mistrust of her. As long as I took these steps, she had no reason to pay me random visits, or write me sappy letters. I just wanted her gone; out of my life.

I hadn't heard from Nyreen in a while, likely because of everything I had changed in recent months.

Nothing but a benefit in my eyes. So I wanted to keep this going, even while I was gone.

To cap off my final checks, I went to the main bunker beneath Afterlife. Well-guarded, well-maintained, impenetrable. The people here had their safety: a number of families and lone souls, who all respected me for giving them this safety, this freedom. Some of them smiled at me as I passed by. I couldn't return their gestures, if only because I still had an image to maintain. But they knew I noticed, so that was enough. Across the way, I saw Jarral corralling some of the newbies, getting them prepared for their beginner training as security guards. They all looked proud to serve me, just as Jarral was, as always.

Aside from all the people around, I noticed an uptick in a certain other demographic. A number of cats had started populating the area. They had taken to lounging on top of random equipment, crates, and whatever else. Some of the human kids went off on adventures, finding dozens of stray cats across Omega to bring them back here for shelter. So now I had all these cats hanging around in my bunker, swishing their tails as they watched me walk by, acting like they owned the place. I didn't understand their penchant for lying around at higher elevations, as if they were allergic to the ground. Though I at least appreciated how fiercely independent they were. They didn't bother me, so I didn't bother them.

But one of the cats started following me. A black and white one, with black fur along its legs, with the undersides of its paws as white, reminding me of little socks. Stopping in my tracks, I scowled down at the animal. It sat down in place, gently gazing up at me; completely undeterred by my intimidation.

Still scowling, I asked, "What do you want?"

Predictably, the cat just meowed at me.

I groaned and kept on walking, searching for Bray and Ahz. The cat decided to keep following at my heel.

I found them not too far away, at one of the main control panels. They had apparently watched my strange interaction with this animal, and so they couldn't help their amusement.

I brushed the issue aside, needing to know, "Is everything good to go? Will you be able to handle everything while I'm gone?"

"We'll be good, Aria," promised Bray. "If anything goes down, we've still got our backups going in the bunkers on D-deck. Doesn't look like anyone's making noise these days. The Blue Suns, Eclipse, and Blood Pack know their place. The new police force and our security guards will stay loyal to you."

Ahz let me know, "I'm still keeping an eye out on our systems. No one's tried anything. Not since the plague. I'll keep a stronger watch on the Talons like you asked. But it does seem like they'd rather keep the peace over there. At least that's what I'm getting from their communications. Nyreen approves of all the changes you've made across the station. So I don't believe she'll be a problem while you're gone."

Jarral came by, scooping up that cat in her arms with a smile. "Nothing to worry about, Boss. Think everyone's settled into a good routine. The people approve of how you're handling things, so our enemies don't have an angle to try anything while you're out. That public approval will go a long way to keeping Omega under your control. Everyone has your back. You made the right decisions with all this."

"Good to know," I approved. "Well, then, I'd better get going. Shepard's already set up the necessary hardware in my room on the Normandy. If anything does happen, you know how to get in touch."

And our goodbye was really that simple.

Bray, Jarral, and Ahz watched me go, leaving to my transport that would take me to the Citadel. I knew they wanted to say more. Maybe something sentimental. After all, this was the first time I would be leaving them for this indefinite amount of time. I did plan on visiting again sometime before the Normandy hit the Omega 4 Relay. But I had forbidden my people from ever expressing anything like that to me. Anything emotional, anything to suggest that our relationship to one another was anything more than just business. Though I could admit to myself a bit of hurt, a bit of a sting over leaving them behind.

Whether I realized it or not, I had another group waiting to embrace me with open arms.

I still wasn't sure how I would react to Shepard's team, to actually living with them on the Normandy.

But I certainly had my ways to prepare for that ahead of time.

On this transport to the Citadel, I had my private room to myself.

During these couple of hours or so until my arrival, my omni-tool had everything I needed.

Out of curiosity, I checked on my remote infrastructure for Omega. All security feeds in my territories went straight here. I could keep an eye on Afterlife, my bunkers, my mercenary groups, my police force and security guards—everyone and everything within my reach. I didn't expect anyone to pull anything. Not when I could easily return with Shepard and our team, and use them to wreck anyone who dared to cross me. I had put that fear of the commander in everyone across the station. They all knew we were together by now. It was no secret at this point. So I wanted to believe that everything would be fine.

As a pleasant surprise, I received an email from my daughter. I felt myself smiling as I read her words:

From: Liselle – Your birthday.

Mom,

I know you're leaving Omega today. At least for the time being. I was hoping you could come see me for your birthday in the coming weeks. I'm still stationed up in Serrice back home. Do you think you'll be able to stop by on Thessia? I don't want you to go on your suicide mission before you come see me. This is important for us.

-Liselle

To: Liselle – Re: Your birthday.

Liselle,

Sure, I can stop by to see you for my birthday. I had planned on visiting anyway. Speaking of important topics, there's something I need to ask you.

I hear you're seeing someone else these days. Some human boy. Will this be a repeat of that bastard Grayson? I'm almost of the mind to forbid you from dating any humans. Not until I can confirm they aren't undercover Cerberus agents. I just know they'd try to screw me over by going after you again.

Respond immediately.

-Your mother

From: Liselle – Re: Your birthday.

Mommy Dearest,

Look, my new boyfriend is nothing like Paul. He's really nice, he treats me right, and we hardly ever argue. Maybe if you got to know him, you'd see that for yourself. Why would you be so anal about this?! It isn't fair. If I can't date humans, then you can't, either!

Don't think I haven't heard about you and Commander Shepard. You have no idea how crazy everyone on the extranet is. All they're talking about these days is you two. You were on some human colony together a few weeks back; now there's nonstop coverage about you and the commander everywhere. I wish you would've told me yourself instead of leaving me to find out from strangers online. Besides, I've always known how you feel about her, Mom. Stop being so freaking two-faced. Seriously.

-Done with you

Enraged, I closed my email, refusing to respond.

Liselle was extremely lucky she was my daughter. I would never let anyone else get away with this. Only she had this right, and she fucking knew it. She also knew exactly why she had this privilege. And maybe she did take advantage. But this was just how we were. And it was a huge improvement from before.

I considered calling Shepard, to let her know I was on my way.

But my revelations from earlier stopped me. Something of her natural emotionality made me clam up. As if I suddenly wouldn't know what to say to her. Not with my voice, speaking to her over our line.

So I settled on sending her a message instead:

[12:34:02] Me: I'm heading to the Citadel now, babe. Should be there in about two hours.

[12:35:14] Shepard: Okay, good. We're already here. Wrex will join us for the simulation at the Armax Arena, too. He's going to meet us on the ship around the time you arrive, then he'll go back to Tuchanka once we're done. He said he's looking forward to seeing you again. Do you know him from somewhere?

[12:36:53] Me: Wrex and I had some business together back in the day. This was years before I took over Omega, long before you were born. He and I fought over something. I can't remember what it was. In the end, I respected his power and decided to let him go. We haven't spoken since. It's not a big deal.

[12:37:30] Shepard: Interesting. He made it sound like a lot more than that.

[12:37:59] Me: Well, that's just because I made a lasting impression on him. Or at least that's what I assumed. You're making it sound like even more.

[12:39:02] Shepard: I can't always tell what Wrex is thinking. But I would say he has a crush on you.

[12:40:22] Me: How cute. Wrex should already know I'm not into men. They do nothing for me.

[12:41:15] Shepard: I wonder how you would feel if I was a guy instead.

[12:43:05] Me: I think I would at least kiss you. I'd have to see how it felt. Though there's a strong chance the whole thing would put me off, and I'd quickly pull away. It sounds like an amusing situation, anyway. Is this something you've genuinely thought about before? Or have I just been on your mind a lot lately?

[12:45:15] Shepard: I've just been thinking about you a lot. Being away from you since Bekenstein…I don't know. It's different. I've been in my feelings this whole time.

[12:46:16] Me: In your feelings, hm? I adore the way you speak. It's nothing like what I'm used to. What does that mean, exactly? Aside from the obvious. I know you've missed me. What else are you saying?

[12:47:02] Shepard: I'm saying how much I want you underneath me. I want to hold you tight and keep on going. Do you feel me? Or is that wrong of me to want?

[12:48:12] Me: No…it isn't wrong of you. At all. I want the same. I want you on me like that. It's just…

[12:48:20] Shepard: Hard for you to admit.

[12:48:43] Me: In more ways than one.

[12:53:22] Shepard: Aria, you've been teasing the fuck out of me this whole time. Relentlessly. Last night when you called, you broke me down. I was this close to jacking off to the sound of your voice alone. You had me on my knees before you, exactly like that. But the second we get anywhere near your emotions or mine, you pull away. I can tell it's been on your mind lately. Is this why you didn't just call me today?

[12:55:02] Me: Maybe.

[12:56:30] Shepard: Are you going to call me, then?

[12:57:01] Me: No, babe. I'm not going to call you. You'll just have to wait until I'm there.

[12:58:43] Shepard: Are you ending the conversation now? Sending me away just like every other time?

[12:59:32] Me: Yes, I am. You've given me a lot to think about. So I should do that until I get there. What else do you have going on? What will you do in the meantime?

[13:02:44] Shepard: I'll go pay Councilor Anderson a visit. He mentioned the asari councilor's expecting to see you today. Sounded pretty important to me. Will you go talk with her first?

[13:04:21] Me: I'd rather meet up with you. Then I'll go do what I need to do. Where will I find you?

[13:04:46] Shepard: The team and I will be on the ship waiting for you. Docking bay D24. I'll see you when you get here.

[13:05:00] Me: Looking forward to it.

Once we stopped typing, I felt Shepard's intentions. How much more she needed to say to me.

The breadth of her emotions truly took my breath away. It was amazing what I could pull out of her—without even trying. In turn, she gave me this constant swelling in my chest, growing my heart at least a few sizes every day. Always so warm and pleasant. Sometimes bordering on overwhelming. But I needed these growing pains with her. I liked the pain with her. I only wanted this pain with her. No one else.

While I nursed this enjoyable feeling, I read up on current events with the team.

Ahz had managed to get me access this morning. Team Renegade Shepard Redux. I saw a list of private message archives: Jack and Zaeed, Tali and Wrex, Jack and Kasumi, Tali and Liara, Liara and Wrex, Joker and EDI, Liara and Javik, James and EDI, James and Kasumi, James and Samara, James and Jack…

I wondered what the hell James had been up to, privately messaging so many female members of the team. And I was about to read up on the logs, until I checked the two rooms. They had one room for official announcements, which had initially come from Lawson for the longest. Only more recently had EDI started making the team announcements instead. There had obviously been some changes going on.

In the main room, everyone had clearly discussed this at length.

I scrolled up to the logs from this morning, during the team's giant spike in chatting activity together…

[08:30:00] Admin: Miranda has left Team Renegade Shepard Redux.

[08:30:21] Javik: Good riddance.

[08:30:55] Joker: I can't even be mad at you for saying it first.

[08:31:10] James: What the hell is going on?! Did Miranda just up and leave without saying anything?

[08:31:22] Garrus: Sure looks like it.

[08:31:40] Wrex: Just when you think you know someone

[08:32:02] Jack: We never fucking knew her in the first place, man

[08:32:44] Wrex: This is true. Guess I got caught up with how much she helped us before

[08:32:58] Kaidan: I dunno, Wrex. The more I think about it, the more the whole thing seems like a lie…

[08:33:01] Liara: To be clear, Miranda is not leaving the team… She isn't going anywhere.

[08:33:22] Zaeed: Yeah, well, maybe she should. This whole thing with her is pissing me the fuck off. She picked the wrong side in this fight, that's for damn sure. Can't even look at her anymore. What a mess.

[08:33:30] Admin: Thane has left Team Renegade Shepard Redux.

[08:33:54] Tali: …this is definitely a mess, as you said.

[08:34:21] Jack: Of course the Cerberus cheerleader takes her one little friend with her. Fuck this!

[08:34:50] James: Are we just going to leave this giant elephant in the room? Or are we talking this over?

[08:35:21] Mordin: True subject matter involves Shepard, our frustrations with Miranda's treatment of her. Cannot fully delve into topic as is. Current rules of chat room forbid extended discussion. No gossip about Shepard. No discussion. So-called elephant must remain.

[08:36:01] Joker: Can't we talk about it in-person? You know, meet up in someone's room?

[08:36:23] Wrex: No, that leaves me out. There's no way we're saving this until I get to the Citadel later. We need to talk about it now

[08:36:54] Legion: As Dr. Solus stated, current chat rules do not allow for discussion of Shepard-Commander in this manner. However, chat room administrators are currently compromised, and would not enforce permanent bans on those who breach the rules. Long-term guilt could lead to retroactive enforcement of guidelines, leading to further disagreements. It would appear there is no solution.

[08:37:20] Samara: Then would it not make sense to simply change the rules?

[08:37:23] Legion: We are in agreement.

[08:37:28] Joker: What?! SAMARA'S suggesting a rule-change!?

[08:37:40] Kasumi: In honor of Samara's first time speaking up here, I think we should make the change.

[08:37:44] James: Now we're talking!

[08:37:50] Kaidan: I'm pretty shocked, too. You'd think a justicar would be the last person to suggest this.

[08:38:23] Samara: Quite the contrary, Kaidan. I, too, am frustrated with Miranda's treatment of the commander. It is not fair that she would side with Cerberus over one as dedicated as Shepard has been. But under the current rules, this is all I can say on the topic. I would like to know how everyone else feels.

[08:38:30] Kaidan: Yeah, I see your point. Looks like we're all on the same page about this.

[08:38:40] Javik: Then the no-gossiping rule is no longer in effect. We are free to discuss the commander to our heart's content.

[08:39:01] Garrus: Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Javik. We have to vote on the change first.

[08:39:11] Zaeed: Voting, huh? Guess that'd be the 'fair' thing to do.

[08:39:23] Jack: Yeah, sure, whatever. We'll vote on it. Already know what the results are gonna be

[08:39:40] Javik: This democracy you speak of is too slow. It is a waste of time, energy, and resources. Why must we vote when the outcome is known? It is obvious what we will all say.

[08:40:11] Liara: Javik, I do not think that's true. We shouldn't completely remove the rule. I am not comfortable with a total free pass on this. What if someone is angry with Shepard one day? Will they be allowed to vent about her in this room? This would only cause tensions between us to rise once more.

[08:40:24] Tali: Liara's right. I'm fine with us changing the rule. But not removing it completely.

[08:40:35] Javik: Yes, fine. If you insist, quarian.

[08:40:59] Zaeed: Don't get Tali started on that, you old prick.

[08:41:20] Javik: Prick. A prick is a sharp object. You have also dared to call me old. Is the total phrase meant to be an insult?

[08:41:44] Wrex: Looks like Javik's translation program is acting up again

[08:41:56] EDI: Garrus, I believe I have found a solution. May I create the poll for us to vote on?

[08:42:20] Garrus: Sure, you're better at this than I am. You're the newest moderator, so go for it.

[08:42:39] Kasumi: This should be good.

[08:42:45] Kaidan: Yeah, let's see what it is.

[08:43:00] Admin: POLL OPEN

Current rule: No gossiping about Commander Shepard allowed under any circumstances.

Proposed change: No badmouthing Commander Shepard allowed under any circumstances.

Please select one: Yes – No

[08:43:05] James: All right, let's do this!

[08:43:09] Garrus: Nice wording there, EDI. Simple and clean.

[08:43:16] Tali: Yes, it's a change to the wording of the rule, but not the spirit. This is for the best.

[08:43:20] Jack: All you fuckers better vote yes

[08:43:26] Javik: Is that not voter intimidation? Yet another flaw of your democracy.

[08:43:35] Joker: Javik, dude, it's not that serious.

[08:43:40] Kasumi: Wait, shouldn't we hold off until Aria's with us? She has a big say in this.

[08:43:49] Zaeed: Shit, I forgot about that.

[08:43:54] Wrex: Everyone stop voting

[08:44:03] Javik: Now the krogan engages in voter suppression. This system is too easily exploitable.

[08:44:10] Kaidan: Honestly, I think it's too late anyway… Hasn't everyone already voted?

[08:44:13] Legion: Yes.

[08:44:20] Mordin: Already voted as well.

[08:44:50] EDI: The results will be in shortly.

[08:44:57] Jack: Welp, guess that's it then

[08:45:00] Admin: POLL CLOSED

Current rule: No gossiping about Commander Shepard allowed under any circumstances.

Proposed change: No badmouthing Commander Shepard allowed under any circumstances.

Results:

Yes – 15

No – 0

Unanimous consent! Proposed rule change now in effect~!

[08:45:11] Kasumi: Oh, wow. Never mind what I said. It really was that obvious from the start.

[08:45:14] Joker: FINALLY! I've wanted the rule changed since we had the old chat room years ago!

[08:45:27] Tali: Yes, but your reasons weren't exactly innocent. We were never going to change it then.

[08:45:35] Liara: Don't remind me.

[08:45:40] Wrex: Liara

[08:45:49] Liara: Wrex, now is not the time for a trip down memory lane.

[08:45:56] Wrex: It's just my way of showing friendly affection through text

[08:46:20] Jack: So can I start this thing off or what

[08:46:28] Garrus: Okay, Jack. You have the floor. No surprise you want to go first.

[08:47:21] Jack: Cool. First of all, we need to make something clear. Are any of us still talking to Princess? Is this whole chat gonna get leaked to the bitch behind our backs? Liara, Tali, EDI, Legion? Hello?!

[08:47:28] Legion: Our friendship with Operator Lawson has since been terminated.

[08:47:30] EDI: I have also ended my friendship with Miranda. We are no longer speaking.

[08:47:49] Liara: It is clear that Miranda will not come to her senses… She won't listen to me. She won't listen to anyone except for Thane and the Illusive Man. As painful as this is, there is nothing I can do.

[08:48:02] Tali: I have no real reason to keep in touch with her. I never did in the first place, so I don't know why you're asking me directly.

[08:48:38] Jack: Woman, don't bullshit me. I heard you, Liara, and Miranda talking mad shit about Aria last month. The three of you would get together and fucking laugh at Aria for liking Shepard. Like you were gatekeeping the commander for all these sexual reasons! All three of you are in love with Shepard, so screw anyone else who wants her, right? Do you know how fucking creepy you sounded!?

[08:48:52] Joker: WHAT?!

[08:48:53] James: Wait a goddamned minute! Did that really happen?

[08:48:53] Kaidan: Oh, God…

[08:48:55] Legion: …

[08:48:59] Mordin: Problematic…

[08:49:03] Kasumi: Looks like I'm having popcorn for breakfast.

[08:49:10] Zaeed: Jack, you sneaky son of a bitch. I knew you were sitting on a goddamn goldmine.

[08:49:13] Javik: This revelation is undeniable. When the queen accompanied us during the previous mission, I sensed the tension in the air. From the quarian, the asari, and the Cerberus loyalist only. The rest of us had no such prejudices toward her. I did not enjoy the feeling that day. Yet I am relieved to finally have an answer to what I observed.

[08:49:20] Wrex: Tali, Liara. Is this true

[08:49:32] Jack: You shady ladies better fess up. Before I tell Shepard myself. Then again, I bet she already knows, and that's why she's not talking to your asses these days. It's not some huge mystery!

[08:50:03] Liara: Yes…I'm afraid it is true. I did not trust Aria, and I was afraid for the commander. There is more to it than that. I am not sure if it is relevant to the conversation. Nevertheless, I am sorry.

[08:50:15] Tali: I'm sorry, too. That whole situation brought out the worst in us. It's hardly an excuse.

[08:50:37] Garrus: Well, I'm…disappointed in you both. But not surprised. Not in the slightest. I thought it was strange how you kept hanging around Miranda so often. And without inviting us. Just felt weird.

[08:51:02] Kaidan: I sadly have to agree. This is nothing like you two. Shepard's a grown woman. She can make decisions for herself. Don't you think it's disrespectful to completely disregard her own choices?

[08:51:30] Liara: You're right. Tali and I were not thinking clearly. Our emotions had already taken over.

[08:51:39] Jack: Why, 'cause you were jealous of Aria? Is that the main problem?

[08:51:58] Liara: It is embarrassing to admit this, but…yes. I will always envy her.

[08:52:13] Jack: Get the fuck over it, Blue. You too, Tali. Shepard doesn't want you

[08:52:20] Joker: Ouch…

[08:52:32] Zaeed: Ain't no ouch about it. All this stupid drama over nothing? Over the dumbest shit?

[08:52:55] Tali: It isn't nothing. You weren't there with us from the beginning. You'll never understand how we feel about her.

[08:55:40] Jack: No, get out of here with that! I fell for you so fucking hard, Tali. I thought you were the sweetest, smartest girl I'd ever met. You unlocked something in me big time. Then hearing you talk crap about Aria, about someone I actually respect? That almost made me lose it. The ONLY reason I sat on this drama for so long is because I like you so much. But the more you talk, the less I give a shit about you. And you know what? It doesn't fucking matter because you don't want me anyway! That's my point

[08:55:53] Kasumi: Jack…

[08:55:59] Zaeed: You goddamn sap. Why would you admit that out loud?

[08:56:24] James: I have never felt closer to you people than I do right now.

[08:56:39] Wrex: You read my mind, Vega

[08:56:46] Javik: I strangely must agree.

[08:58:00] EDI: Given that Tali has not responded, I would like to summarize the issue. Tali, Liara, and Miranda's treatment of Aria is what pushed Shepard away. Subsequently, I assume Aria was present to comfort Shepard during her recent times of greatly increased stress. From then on, they developed a more positive relationship with one another. It is clear that Miranda will not change her stance on Cerberus—not unless she is forced to. And so the commander has decided to move on, despite the risks.

[08:59:11] Joker: Yeah, that's what I'm getting, too. Liara, Tali—no offense, guys, but you're supposed to be the most loyal to the commander. Is it really a huge surprise that Shepard's pissed off at you two?

[09:00:23] Liara: When you put it that way, I suppose it is not surprising…

[09:00:50] Garrus: So because Miranda's not budging, Shepard's cutting her losses. She knows that whole thing won't work out with them. I'd rather Shepard do what's best for her—instead of trying to control her, or gatekeep who she's allowed to be with. I think you both owe her an apology.

[09:01:30] Kasumi: I'm with Garrus on this one. When you see them on the Citadel today, you won't be able to deny what they have. Not to mention, Shepard's our leader. Aria's taking care of her where we can't. She might even be her new second-in-command pretty soon. So I want us to support them.

[09:01:40] Legion: Support mode established for Aria T'Loak and Shepard-Commander.

[09:01:45] EDI: Yes, I will also support Shepard in her relationship with Aria.

[09:01:52] Kaidan: Think we're in agreement on this. Let's all do our best to welcome Aria to the team. She's a prickly character, and I really don't expect her to change. We shouldn't take it personally. Just try not to exclude her from the group. Even if she declines our offers, it's important to show that we care.

[09:02:01] James: For sure. Aria kinda scares me, but I guess it's no big deal. That's just how she is.

[08:02:10] Samara: But of course. I believe Aria will make a fine addition to the team.

[09:02:12] Joker: Definitely. I've never, ever seen Shepard this happy. This is gonna be the best!

[09:02:19] Zaeed: Yeah, it's sweet, ain't it? Our hardass captain's got a real soft side for 'the queen'.

[09:02:26] Wrex: Shepard's a lucky one. I'm jealous

[09:02:36] Javik: The queen is the only one worthy of such reverence. Her power is inspiring.

[09:02:44] Mordin: Yes, agreed! Will make appropriate last-minute changes for today's simulation game. Legion, EDI, Tali, need assistance in lab!

[09:02:50] EDI: Understood. I am on my way.

[09:02:52] Legion: Acknowledged.

[09:03:20] Tali: Sure…I'll be there soon.

As the chat slowed down, I took a moment to sit back. Thinking over what I'd just read. Absorbing it all. But some part of me refused to believe any of it. I just couldn't believe…everything that had happened. Everything that Shepard's team had gone through; what they had said about me. Nothing about this final outcome seemed real to me. As if I would board the Normandy soon and find that it was all a lie.

I spent the rest of this time going back, reading more of their logs. Learning more about them. Seeing for myself that Shepard had obviously surrounded herself with good people: a competent team. I had a lot of catching up to do.

By the time I reached the Citadel, I still wasn't all there.

As I passed through the docking bays to D24, I felt a change in me.

Normally I hated this place. The Citadel just had so many rules. You couldn't do this, you couldn't do that. You couldn't go here or there without C-Sec breathing down your neck, even if you were someone like me—and I was used to going wherever I pleased, no matter where I was in the galaxy. And everyone here walked around with an enormous sense of false security. So sickeningly uptight. But I didn't really get that sense today. The day's events had outright changed the lenses over my eyes, swapping them out for something else. A different kind of filter. Still colored the same as my last ones, my usual perspective. This time, I saw an added space for understanding. More patience. Maybe something else.

The Citadel's manufactured sun shined in through the windows next to me. And I walked along this path to the Normandy docked past the glass, feeling this certain way. This new way, seeing everyone around me so differently. How the couples in particular seemed to belong together. How the people who were alone clearly searched around for someone else, looking for that one they cared for. How I was on my way to find that same person for myself. I had only ever felt like this with Liselle, in my usual anxieties and anticipations to see her again. I really had to wonder what she would think if she saw me now.

I did feel somewhat guilty for not sharing the truth with her. Just telling Liselle straight-up that I was with Shepard now. She had questioned why I chose now to join the team as a permanent member. I wouldn't give her the information. So she must've searched around online to find her answers.

But how was I supposed to explain this to her?

This as this moment, passing through the door leading to the Normandy's private docking area.

The shadowed blues of this hallway opened to the views outside through the windows.

Perfectly patient, I found Shepard waiting for me, wearing that dapper confidence of her formal Alliance uniform. The actual entrance to the Normandy awaited a few paces behind her. And for now, we had this private moment. This joining of her energy and mine—how much she had missed me, how much I adored her attention. It all fell into place together as Shepard pulled me into her arms. She hugged me in such a moving comfort, with my momentum and hers, lightly rocking us from side to side. She held me tightly, securely, the press of her palms over my body gluing me to her in a wondrous love. And I stared past her shoulder, past this shimmering length of her hair in such awe. She smelled just as I remembered her, but she felt as much more.

"Shepard…"

She buried her face against the popped collar of my jacket, angling into me.

I stroked her long, long hair, finding this range of sunlit colors so much brighter today.

Shepard gave me that brightness with her lips over mine, into mine, pressing and pressing. She clutched me around my waist, leaning me back, bending my back. As my only leverage, I held Shepard's shoulders, easing my hands up to the soft length of her gorgeous face. Her elegant insistence, her gentle strength had me smiling into her presses. Shepard moved into me more, sensing what I needed from her and just doing it. No fumbling. No complaints. Taking control as I wanted her to do, physically; leaving me in this position of mental and emotional power over her. The perfect duality I had always wanted.

When she pulled away, I licked at my lips, this leftover taste of cinnamon from her. Specific to her. And the blue daylight around us reflected as silver in her eyes. Shaped as the Citadel. Brightening just for me.

"I'm glad you made it," she finally said.

"Mmm, I bet you are," I teased. "Did you pay Councilor Anderson a visit while you waited for me?"

"I did… We had a long conversation. Just about everything that's gone on recently. He's up to speed."

"That's good. What else were you up to in the meantime?"

Shepard gave me an unusually impish smile. "I went shopping."

"Shopping?" I wondered. "Shopping for what?"

"You'll see later on."

How mysterious.

Mystery and all, Shepard held my hand, leading me aboard her ship.

As we passed through the airlock, I expected something specific. I expected Shepard to show me to my room. She had promised I would have my own space—away from the through traffic in the regular crew's quarters. I wasn't just some regular grunt on her team. Sure, I expected special treatment. Yet Shepard had already assured me that I would have it, so I saw nothing wrong with my expectations.

What I didn't expect was for the entire team to greet us here on the bridge.

Joker and EDI sat in their usual places at the helm. Down the walkway, everyone else had gathered: Javik, Zaeed, Mordin, Legion, Garrus, Kasumi, Wrex, Samara, Jack, James, Liara, Tali, and Kaidan. Nearly all of them just seemed…so happy to see me. Not judging me at all. Practicing exactly what they had preached from the chat. Wrex was the first one to trudge over to me, wearing the biggest grin on his scarred face.

"Well, if it isn't Queen Aria," he greeted, offering his hand. "Think our meeting again is fate."

"Again?" said Joker, spinning around in his seat. "Dude, you never said you knew Aria! What the heck?!"

While almost everyone else speculated in shock, I settled on shaking Wrex's hand. After all, I still respected his power. No doubt he'd gotten even stronger since our last meeting years ago. I looked forward to fighting by his side once he joined up with us after the suicide mission.

But once we pulled away, I realized there was…someone missing in the group here.

Where were Thane and Lawson?

Not that I wanted to see them or anything. It seemed odd that they weren't around. Had the drama from earlier spilled out this far? Normally I wouldn't care. Something about them just felt…ominous.

Shepard picked up on my notice. She didn't seem to have an answer for me.

Instead, she just gave a gentle smile and said, "Welcome aboard the Normandy, Aria."

I managed to smile back at her. "You're too kind, Shepard."

Joker made an announcement, "We've got an incoming transmission from…the asari councilor?"

"I believe it's for Aria," clarified EDI.

"It is," confirmed Shepard, guiding me over to the helm. "Put her through."

"Good day, Joker," sounded Tevos' voice. "I've heard Aria is joining your team today. Is she there?"

"I'm here, Tevos," I responded. "I assume you'd still like to meet up."

"Yes, of course. You may handle the other matter we discussed before—with my blessing. Then come see me in my office afterward. Will that work for you?"

"Music to my ears."

"Very well. I will send a cab to your location. We have much to discuss."

"I'm sure this other matter won't take long. Sit tight for now."

When Tevos hung up, Joker had to comment, "Damn, Aria. You're on first-name basis with the asari councilor? And she's sending you a private cab? That's something else!"

"You should get used to it with me," I advised. "Shepard, I'll find you again later on. This is something I promised Tevos a while ago. It's important."

"I know," she remembered. "Go ahead. I'll wait for you at the Silversun Strip. Call me once you're done."

"Oh, I will, babe. Count on it."

As I sat in the back of this private cab, the orange of my omni-tool lit through the tinted darkness all around. I read over the brief Tevos had sent me:

This Cerberus VIP, Oleg Petrovsky, was indeed one of the Illusive Man's top military generals. Petrovsky had made the mistake of harassing the Migrant Fleet out in Council space, trying to get an angle on the quarians' airtight security. Cerberus was apparently frustrated with their inability to crack the Fleet's encryption protocols. This led to the Illusive Man sending Petrovsky over to intimidate them. Normally, the Migrant Fleet would've been on their own, as law enforcement tended to overlook them for some reason or another. Unbeknownst to Cerberus, the Council had been gunning to get anything on them. Petrovsky was their ticket in. So they made the arrest, throwing the collective book at him for several other war crimes he had committed over the years.

The general had already confessed enough information, all in some attempt at maintaining his honor. But the information wasn't enough to keep him safe—just days ago, a court ruling had sentenced him to death. And now Tevos had allowed me to deal with him, as precious payback for ordering that hit against my daughter. No one other than the C-Sec executor and the other councilors would know.

This cab brought me right to the C-Sec academy. I stepped out of the car, wrapped in this set piece of cherry trees and hidden secrets. All these C-Sec officers walked around in their uniforms, acting as if all was well. I could only wonder just how much dirt they sat on, what with the Citadel having its own smuggling rings, black market dealings, and other classic activities. And because I ran Omega, of course most of these officers gave me a second or third look as I passed them by. Some of them outright stared.

C-Sec's head honcho, Executor Pallin, soon found me near the main elevator.

Those turian mandibles of his wouldn't stop twitching as he glared at me.

I just smirked at the executor, knowing he disapproved. The Pirate Queen of Omega given free reign to execute a high-profile C-Sec prisoner—at the behest of the asari councilor? Oh, he was heated all right.

"Aria T'Loak," droned Pallin. "I've been instructed to bring you to the gallows. Follow me."

"Straight to business," I noted, tickled by his little sneer now. "That's some way to treat your guest."

"Don't bother, Aria. Save it for your VIP."

The elevator took us down to the gallows. On the way there, Executor Pallin stood as far away from me as possible. Arms folded, I found my amusement in how much Pallin hated all this. If not for this ridiculously cheesy music blasting through the speakers, I would've enjoyed the experience a lot more.

Yet as the lights dimmed, and we descended deeper beneath C-Sec's headquarters, my mind wandered.

Wandering to these wonderings: what Shepard would think if she had come along with me for this.

Unlike with Nyreen, I had never felt any sort of pressure from my favorite commander. No forced efforts to pull me this way or that. Ideologically, of course we would never see eye to eye. Sometimes we would talk about it, but our conversations were just that. Conversations. Not arguments or exhaustive dissertations on why I needed to change—or else—under the threat of outright ending our relationship.

The executor seemed to pick up on this. "Humor me for a moment. How exactly are you and Commander Shepard an item? She stands for law and order as a soldier. She holds herself to a higher standard as a Spectre, refusing to bend the rules just to get the job done. You…do no such thing."

"Opposites attract, Pallin," I riddled.

"Is that so?" he questioned, clearly fishing for more. For an old turian, he sure did love his gossip.

"That's all you're getting out of me. I don't kiss and tell. Why do you care so much, anyway?"

"Your partner is the Savior of the Citadel. It's only natural for me to care. One has to wonder why she's so drawn to a woman of your caliber. Is she holding you accountable? Is that the dynamic you share?"

A woman of my caliber.

Was this his way of insulting me? Throwing shade for the sake of conversation?

Pallin had too much of a hard-on for following the rules. He could never understand me. He could never grasp my world, where I had come from; why I had turned out this way. He didn't deserve to know a single thing about my relationship—beyond whatever clickbait bullshit they published in those trashy gossip rags online. So I said nothing more. Exactly as I had warned. This stupid elevator music filled the silence between us. Executor Palin only sighed, seemingly disappointed. None of it made sense to me.

When the elevator door finally opened, I couldn't leave fast enough.

The executor led me down this darkened, sterile hallway. But behind these sealed doors, the inmates gave off an undeniable energy, haunting this sterility all around. C-Sec kept the worst of the worst locked up here after their trials—pending execution. Anyone whose crimes were so heinous that not even their homeworlds could stomach the consequences, they came here instead. Or just anyone who fucked up so badly that their mistakes crossed galactic bounds. Never politicized, never advertised. Very hush-hush. The Council and C-Sec didn't want the masses to know about these criminals at all.

And who else would I find in this last room, other than General Oleg Petrovsky himself?

Pallin opened the door for me, then retreated a few steps away.

I found Petrovsky sitting on a chair in the middle of the space. Alone. Wasting away in his cell.

He had his head lowered, practically doubled over where he sat. The harsh shadows in the room did nothing to hide the deep gaunt of his face, already heavily unshaven. His dark hair had grown out almost as much as his horrible beard. Without the Cerberus uniform I'd imagined him in, he almost looked normal. Just a regular inmate wearing a regular prisoner's outfit. Normal and regular, but not his fuckup.

Petrovsky wasted away in this cell because of what he did to me. What he'd almost done to me.

Or at least that was what I needed to believe.

When he looked up, Petrovsky narrowed his eyes, shielding from the faint light shining in behind me.

It took him a moment to distinguish my identity from my darkened silhouette.

And then, his high and mighty accent deadened, he muttered out, "Oh, it's you… Aria. Aria T'Loak. We were supposed to meet at some point, you and I. Albeit under much better circumstances."

"I'm well-aware," I sneered. "You were the Illusive Man's top military strategist. And his best-kept secret. You were always destined for greater things, General. Like killing my daughter, making me believe you had nothing to do with it, and then manipulating me into handing Omega over to Cerberus."

Petrovsky had the nerve to chuckle at that. "You figured it out, did you?"

"I have to commend you for playing the long-game. It's something I can admire. But it just didn't work."

"Hmph…that's what you think. No matter what becomes of me, the Illusive Man will prevail. Cerberus will prevail. They have contingency plans in place, the likes of which you could never imagine. This isn't over."

"You've been neutralized," I reminded him. "And I can leave you here to rot. You might as well give up."

"Aria, my dear…I already have given up. I surrendered when the Spectres arrested me. I told them all they wished to know. Yet still I received this verdict. This death sentence. My honor and goodwill apparently meant nothing to the Council's justice system. I know this to be true…because they've sent you here. You're to be my final jury, judge, and executioner. What a shame. What a shame indeed."

"You say you've given up, yet you're still talking. Do you have any other final words, then? Anything else you need to get out of your system? Whatever it is, it won't matter. Your story's finished. You're done."

Petrovsky gave me the darkest stare imaginable.

Darker than my shadow over his skin.

Darker than this entire room, lingering with his inevitable death.

"This is the woman Commander Shepard has chosen. The one she has decided to covet above all. Even above Miss Lawson, the rightful one Shepard should be with. Even knowing the consequences with the coming war—what will happen if they fail to repair their bond. But you don't care, do you, Aria? None of it matters to you at all. So long as you come out ahead, the rest of the galaxy can burn. Isn't that right?"

I narrowed my eyes, narrowing my stare to the source of his darkness. Tunneling there. Fixating.

The general let out a dry laugh, going off into a heavy monologue:

"You don't care, then. You don't care who gets hurt. You'd throw trillions of lives away…all to keep the commander to yourself. This shouldn't be that hard. The choice should be obvious. Just as I've turned myself in, facing this death penalty, you ought to do the same. You need to let her go. You need to let Shepard do what's right. But you can never do the right thing, can you? Maybe something inside is holding you back. Maybe deep down, you're starting to think the galaxy might be better off without you. Even still, you will only perish with Shepard at your side…which you know by now is utterly foolish.

"You're never going to learn. You'll never change. Even if you win, Omega loses… We will all lose, and the Reapers will destroy us all. Because of your selfishness. Your abject ruthlessness in stealing away Commander Shepard from Miranda Lawson. Everyone will die…including your daughter. When she does, you'll wish my assassin had succeeded in slitting her throat. So tell me—once your little girl is dead and bloodied on the battlefield, will you look back on this moment? Will you decide it was all worth it—?"

I leaned down, leveling myself with Petrovsky in his chair.

And I grabbed onto the seat, fucking rattling him, scaring the absolute shit out of him. He shuddered his whole body. He screamed in a whiny fright. Especially once my eyes went black. I could see the sweat trailing thickly down his forehead, collecting the few bits of light shining in here from outside. Petrovsky practically shoveled his feet against the floor, trying and failing to scramble away from me. He couldn't get away from me. He could never escape me. Never. Not unless I wanted him to. Not unless I decided:

"Oh, no—not yet," I mocked, as deeply as I could. "You don't get a quick, easy death. Not by my hand, either." I pulled away; stood up properly. I forced my eyes to return to normal. The general had already looked into them, finding his death there in my stare. That was enough. "I'm not giving you the satisfaction. I'm not going to let you believe you won. I'm not killing you while you think you got to me."

"But—" Petrovsky could only sputter. "But…!"

"I may be cold-blooded enough to murder you. Just not to the tune of your game. We're done, Oleg Petrovsky. Enjoy the rest of your life. I'm sure it won't be much longer now. No less than you deserve."

I left the general's room, left him to rot there. At least until his official death sentence. On the record.

I walked by Executor Pallin as I left, heading back to the elevator on my own. The old turian could only gawk at me in awe. He'd heard every word of that conversation. Even if he didn't understand all of it, he had grasped enough. Whether he was impressed with me, or disturbed by me—or both—it didn't matter. He would clean up this mess and deal with the general. And I was done with this whole charade.

After taking another cab, I reached the Citadel Embassies. Not quite as crowded as the C-Sec Academy, or even the docking bay area, I found a relative peace here. That same sense of blue everywhere filtered up here, too. It dazzled through the open windows, through this similar sunlight gleaming over the floor, the benches around, the administrative counters. The gentle ebb and flow of customer service went on, as various people stood in line before those counters, hoping to have their concerns taken care of.

As always, the C-Sec officers stood guard, watching me like hawks, all of them.

They had even done this years ago, when my visits to the asari councilor had been more than platonic.

Platonic as this now was, nothing else had changed. Same environment. Same judgments.

But when I found Tevos in her office, she didn't quite look at me the same way.

Before, even when I'd visit her after our breakup, she would still give things away:

A certain longing in her eyes. An acute softness in her mannerisms, never wanting to take up too much space around me. As if she would shrink herself, just to give me more room to exist with her. Tevos would always doll herself up in her best dress, letting me see every part of her body wrapped beneath that fabric. Any thoughts about her bondmate back at home seemed long-forgotten whenever I was around. An emotional affair rather than a physical one. Tevos never initiated anything. But I knew she wanted me to, just so she could see I still wanted her. Maybe she craved the thrill. The stroke to her ego.

But this time, from where she sat at her desk, Tevos had no such suggestiveness about her.

If not for the abundance of space around us—luxury fitting for a councilor—I would have felt trapped, constricted. If not for the blue sky fully visible past the panes of windows, and the open air with various skycars whirring by—I would have felt contained in a dark, closed space, much like Petrovsky's cell down in the gallows. Not because Tevos meant to entrap me. Not because she meant to harm me at all. But simply because this look of worry in her eyes unsettled me so. The concern there seemed…abnormal.

"Hello, Aria," greeted Tevos, sounding cordial enough. "Thank you for stopping by. Please sit with me."

She gestured to the chair in front of her desk.

The same chair I would always sit in before. Whenever we would role-play as our prelude to wild sex.

None of those other memories reached me as I sat down this time.

I stared straight ahead at her, wondering what the hell her deal was.

Tevos tried to make small-talk: "I am relieved to see you. It is wonderful that you're joining the commander's team. More permanently, I should say. How are things going with them so far?"

"It's not quite what I expected," I replied. "They're receptive to me. I'll have to get used to this."

"I understand. You were never one to thrive on a team. Perhaps this experience will change that."

"Tevos, you're worrying me," I stated. "Do you know something I don't? Is Shepard in trouble?"

Tevos chose her words with great care. "Your timing is perfect. Now that Mr. Henry Lawson is gone, unfortunately, the security he'd provided for the commander has also ceased."

"Henry's gone? What happened to him?"

"We don't know. He just disappeared. It is possible he was killed, yet we haven't been able to verify the information. Regardless, we've since sent in other Spectre agents to deal with Shepard's enemies in the shadows. Now more than ever, it is imperative that you stay by the commander's side. We need you."

"We as in the Council?" I wondered.

"More than the Council," clarified Tevos. "Specifically, I'm referring to us. Our people. The asari race."

That made no sense. "What does Shepard have to do with the asari? She's human."

Tevos sat up in her seat, reminding me of her importance. "Aria, my meaning is clear. As the asari councilor, my foremost concern is our people. The continuation of our species. Galactic continuity as a whole is of course my most outward-facing duty. Yet my primary purpose is to preserve our civilization on Thessia, and across our many colonies. Without Shepard's gifts and talents, our civilization will end."

And…?

"Allow me to elaborate," she offered. "First of all, I am aware that Dr. Liara T'Soni has somehow returned. Though when I learned this information, I was not terribly surprised. The asari have been touched in unique ways, in having been uplifted by the Protheans. We are in-tune with the very essence of life in ways no other species are—save for the Prothean your team discovered some time ago. But not many are privy to what we know. Asari High Command closely guards these secrets back home. As do I."

"You've never shared these secrets with me. Or have you?"

Tevos gave me a sad smile. "This is not something I can share with words, Aria."

"Well, why not?" I questioned. "What's the big deal?"

"By this point, as close as you are to the commander, you should already know these secrets. You are an asari of a certain age. You hold great wisdom as a matron, nearing the matriarch stage of your life. Your eyes should be open to the universe. You should see exactly as I do. It is puzzling that you cannot."

"When did this start for you, then? I'm guessing it was a while ago. You've known Shepard for much longer than I have. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I haven't been around long enough yet."

Tevos recalled, "The precise change happened during the Battle at the Citadel. When Shepard disabled Sovereign. Things were not perfectly clear in an instant. It did take me some years to make sense of what I gained. Yet that is only because of the distance between myself and the commander. If I were more than a respected figurehead to her, then perhaps this process would have accelerated somehow."

"I'm obviously much closer to her than you are. Do you have some theory for why I can't see yet?"

"Yes, Aria, I do. To put it simply—you are disconnected. You have no regard for the ties that bind us. You would be the last person to believe the notion that we are all connected. That everything is connected. Yet our bonds with others are more than cause for disappointment, heartbreak, or hatred. I believe you are beginning to change your mind about this. Your daughter and the commander have helped to open your eyes. But you are not yet able to focus. You are still asleep to the vast realities of this universe."

"So then how the hell do I wake up sooner? What's the solution? Tell me!"

Tevos would not tell me.

As if she expected me to figure this out all on my own.

"All right, fine," I accepted, still unsatisfied. "All this, everything—are you worried about the Illusive Man finding out? You mentioned before how he's under investigation. Is it that bad?"

"It is," she said. "Not only that, but we've learned more information, separate from General Petrovsky's rather thin confessions. He was not as forthcoming with us as he likes to believe. Until Miranda Lawson decides to shed her allegiances to Cerberus, the Council is also treating her as a serious threat."

"A threat on what grounds?"

"A threat not only to Commander Shepard's safety, but to galactic security as a whole."

I almost snapped—

"What? How is Lawson that dangerous? And why didn't you tell me sooner?!"

"Shepard removed herself from the relationship. The immediate danger has passed."

"If that's the case…me being with her isn't the 'irresponsible' thing to do. Or am I wrong about that?"

Tevos shook her head. "It is no longer relevant," she confirmed. "I will explain why in a moment. Before that, allow me to share what we've discovered from our investigation thus far. The Illusive Man had a number of plans in the works. The first one you know of: his attempts at ingratiating himself to you, all to infiltrate Omega and take over with General Petrovsky. Since you decided not to kill the general yourself, we will handle the matter appropriately."

"Well, then, I'm glad I saw that coming ahead of time. What else did the Illusive Man have going on?"

"The second matter is more unknown. It is an ongoing research project by Cerberus scientists. Something by the name of Project Overlord. They're attempting to control the geth. But that is all we know. We aren't yet aware of the project's location, or any other details. We are still investigating."

"Sounds strange. Can't imagine why Cerberus would bother with that. Did you find anything else?"

"The final discovery involved Henry Lawson. He and the Illusive Man had active plans to create a place called Sanctuary. During the Reaper war, they would have invited innocent civilians to this alleged sanctuary. All under the guise of providing asylum and a safe haven from the war. But the Cerberus scientists at this facility would have had more nefarious plans for the civilians. The innocents would have been indoctrinated and turned into husks, all while Mr. Lawson used them to study Reaper indoctrination."

"That's fucked up. If they expected Shepard to succeed, why bother with the research?"

"Cerberus does not want Shepard to succeed at all. Ultimately, the Illusive Man has no intentions of destroying the Reapers. At most, he seeks to control them. And if he cannot control them, then he will do their bidding. That is all he can do."

"Tevos, what are you saying…?"

"The Council has recently learned…that the Illusive Man is indoctrinated by the Reapers."

I slammed my hands over her desk, bolting to my feet. "You're fucking kidding me!"

Tevos looked at me with her pain. "I'm afraid not."

"Does Shepard know?! Damnit, I need to get her out of there! I'm taking her to Omega right now—"

"Aria, please," she begged. "I urge you to listen to me. Sit down. Do not leave." I refused to listen until she said: "Shepard already knows. She has already shared the information with Councilor Anderson. Her account confirms what our investigation has found. She has not told you because she seeks to protect you. The commander wishes to protect her team as a whole. That includes you."

As reassuring as that was, I still needed to know—"Does she have the situation under control?"

"Yes."

I forced myself to sit back down.

Tevos sighed in a bottomless relief.

She knew this could've gotten worse. Way worse. Yet we'd somehow avoided that catastrophe.

"Aria, you must follow Shepard's lead," implored Tevos. "Do not discuss the matter outside this room. Not a word. This information cannot fall into Miranda Lawson's hands. Because she would then tell the Illusive Man, taking his side over ours. I can't begin to imagine how badly that would end. For all of us."

"Fine," I conceded, hating how fucking helpless I felt. "Then what do you need me to do?"

"Protect the commander in any way you are able. Guard her closely on your suicide mission. Despite General Petrovsky's claims, Cerberus will not prevail. The organization will destroy itself in the end."

Such simple solutions for incredibly complex problems.

My need to remove Shepard from this situation nearly overrode my logic.

But I owed Tevos for all the help she'd given me so far. This had to be my way of paying her back.

Besides, even if I tried to take Shepard away, I knew her. She wouldn't run. She would never abandon the mission. She would never just give up and leave all those colonists at the mercy of the Collectors.

That whole conversation I'd witnessed between Shepard and the Illusive Man from earlier this month:

Him holding the IFF hostage.

Her knowing the team wasn't ready to hit the Omega 4 Relay yet.

That incredibly hostile tension between the two.

How the Illusive Man had looked so defeated before her.

It all made so much more sense now.

"Aria, I know this is difficult to accept. I know how much you care for her. I know…deep down, you are terrified of losing her. Especially now that the two of you are together at long last." I gripped my fists into an iron-tight grip beneath the desk, beneath her view. "I only want you to know: whatever happens from here on out, it is within your power. Simply follow this path at the commander's side. Follow her lead, follow her orders, and follow your heart. Trust that wherever Shepard leads you as your captain, you will find the answers you seek. Your courage and your convictions shall lead us all to world peace."

World peace?

For Thessia, for Earth?

Tevos knew I didn't understand. She stared deeply into my eyes anyway, needing my affirmation.

"Understood."

She smiled, then, almost like old times. Back when she saw something in me. Back when she believed in me more than I believed in myself. Those sentiments of hers had never left in the first place. But this time, Tevos made me see something more. She made me see my own worth, finally reflected in her eyes. Because she needed me to do this. Because she needed me to protect Shepard—in ways I couldn't fully fathom right now. Fumbling around in the dark, I still believed I was up to the task. Somehow.

Taking yet another cab, this time to the Silversun Strip, I hardly knew what to do with myself. Tevos had said this was all in my control. As long as I followed wherever Shepard led me. That didn't strike me as the most sovereign path to take. Wasn't following more of a passive thing to do? Listening, obeying. Yet the councilor had more than insisted otherwise. And I didn't mind it in this case, but still.

I thought we would've at least discussed my decision not to kill Petrovsky myself. Compared to everything else, that choice of mine felt like a mere footnote. Insignificant.

I considered calling Liselle. Just to let her know I was in a precarious situation. But she would want to know the details, which I couldn't give to her right now. She was already upset with me for not telling her about Shepard on my own. Now here I was, refusing to tell her about another important issue.

At the end of the day, I wanted to protect my daughter from the truth. Even though I shouldn't. All over again, I understood Shepard's reasons for keeping quiet—for protecting me.

This cab soon arrived to the colorful bustle and liveliness of the Silversun Strip. So many brightly-lit ads and billboards and holographic trees and flashy signs everywhere. The Silver Coast Casino, the Armax Arena, the Castle Arcade, Ryuusei's Sushi Bar, the Citadel's giant arena for hosting galactic-wide award shows, and so much more. This gradient of red lights practically painted on one side of the strip, with the blues on the other, and violets shadowing in between. The humans, salarians, asari, elcor, turians, hanar, volus and vorcha down on the strip bathed in those colors, finding their excitement everywhere.

Not a care in the galaxy.

How I envied them.

When I exited my cab, I found Shepard waiting for me. She stood out in her sophistication, bathing in this strong violet lighting all around us. Even more once she offered her hand to me, helping me out of my seat, out of the cab, over to her side. And this look in Shepard's eyes, gently stern, giving just enough away. She and I had our mutual understanding. She gave me hers with her arms, holding me close; not caring how many strangers saw and stared. I gave her my own in accepting her care, her reasons. We didn't need to speak. We both knew what we knew. That was enough for us.

Still holding me close, Shepard spoke softly in my ear, "Mordin's getting everything ready at the Armax Arena. We have some free time until then. Not a lot, but some."

"That works for me."

"You want to walk around for a bit? I can fill you in on what's left before the final assault."

"We should. Lead the way."

Just as I wanted, she took my hand, taking the lead. We walked along the strip together. Enjoying one another; attracting attention from every which way. Shepard's presence felt so magical to me. She washed everything else away. She made me feel at ease, simply being by my side. Existing in this space, right where I'd always needed her. Right where she belonged. We could've gone for sushi and I wouldn't have objected. She could've dragged me into the arcade to play video games and I would've enjoyed it. I felt like I could walk anywhere with Shepard, do anything, and still feel content with her. Forever special.

Given how loud this place was—skycars passing by overhead, tons of people talking and laughing all around—this gave us a good excuse. Shepard leaned close to me, leading ahead and guarding me with her body language. Her deep voice brushed over my skin: "You're not hungry or anything, are you?"

"Not at all," I told her, leaning just as close. "That food you let me have from our date—you can be sure I ate every single plate. I was able to space everything out over these past few weeks. But now you've managed to spoil me. What will life on the Normandy be like? What should I expect, realistically? What will things look like until the suicide mission is over?"

"Well, I'm not giving you a work assignment."

"I would've been amused if you had."

"You can think of yourself as an honorary officer. You'll have your own space, as promised. I already plan on cooking for you. And we don't have a ton left on our agenda. When we finish with the team's personal missions, I'll tell the Illusive Man to hand over the IFF. He'll tell us what we have to do to get it. Whatever it is, we'll take care of it, then finally hit the Omega 4 Relay."

"Yes, I can live with that," I agreed. "Is there anything you want to take care of before the end?"

Shepard didn't have to think about it. "I'd like to visit home one last time. If possible. Ideally right before the final assault. I want to show you where I'm from." I did like the sound of that. "What about you?"

"Liselle asked me to go see her. She's stationed out in Serrice on our homeworld, doing who knows what. She sounds bored whenever she mentions work. But as long as she's safe, I can't be too choosey."

"I notice you always light up whenever you talk about your daughter."

I smirked with my pride. "It's obvious as to why. She's a fine commando. She learned from the best."

Entertained, Shepard laughed with her charms.

But she also understood: "I know Liselle is the most important person in your life. I'd never try to come between that. I respect your daughter in that way."

"Mmm, I do appreciate the sentiment. That means a lot. Have you ever dated someone with kids?"

"I haven't," she said. "Thinking on it now, I'm surprised you're joining us. Leaving Liselle behind. There's a certain risk with our mission. I wasn't sure if you wanted to gamble your life away, considering."

"Well, that's another reason why I want to visit her. I've never been too forthcoming with my daughter. I suppose, as disconnected as I am, it baffles me how she never turned out the same way. Aside from her grudges toward me, Liselle is somehow completely normal. Maybe she's just stubborn. I don't know."

Shepard decided, "We can make Thessia one of our last stops. It'll be nice to go back there again…"

I caught some strange emotion in her voice. "Are you worried about whatever's out there, past the relay? Or is it just this whole thing with the Illusive Man? He's put quite the obstacles in our way."

"It's the obstacles," she revealed, rather grumpy now. "All this conflict doesn't sit right with me."

On a whim, I suggested, "You should try meditating, babe. Find your peace, Zen, or whatever you humans call it. I don't want you carrying this anger around anymore. Better for you to let it go."

Shepard allowed a small smile, saying, "I used to meditate back in the day. As part of my anger management. I'll try getting back to it. I'm sure things will be better once we're done with Cerberus. Right now we're focused on helping the team tie up their loose ends. To make sure they're focused."

"Of course. What's everyone's status on those?"

"Well, we've already taken care of personal missions for Mordin, Garrus, Jack, and Kasumi. I spoke with Kaidan and James. They both said they don't need help with anything. I still need to check in with Liara and Tali today. I'll talk with them once we get to the Armax Arena with everyone. So now I have a list of the people who definitely don't have a personal mission: James, Kaidan, EDI, Javik, Zaeed, and you. Legion and Samara will have an update for me soon—they'll have actual missions for us to take care of."

"Really?" I asked. "Only a few solid missions left?"

"Hard to believe, I know," agreed Shepard. "Legion's monitoring a delicate situation with the geth. And it's a waiting game with Samara. I think she'll be last. But that's really it. I was surprised no one else had an actual mission to take care of. I'd say the main thing is just visiting Thessia toward the end. You, Javik, and Zaeed each have some type of business to take care of there. Zaeed's working things out with his girlfriend. Javik said he'd explain his reasons to me. And I'm sure Liara will want to visit home by then."

"Hmm, and you're convinced everyone else will be fine? Nothing pressing on their minds?"

"Not unless something drastic happens. Right now, the only one I'm worried about is Miranda."

No surprise there. "What's the sense you're getting?"

Shepard stared out at the Silversun Strip, the sights and the lights and the brights everywhere. So many people passed us by. But they couldn't possibly understand the magnitude of our conversation. No one seemed to eavesdrop on us, anyway, what with the noise everywhere. Even with this topic, Shepard refused to move away from me. Now that things were different, I didn't necessarily mind discussing Lawson, what was up with her. I no longer had any reasons to envy her. So that took the edge off.

Sincere, Shepard confided in me: "I don't think she'd survive the assault on the Collector homeworld."

"…are things that bad with her?"

"Yes, it's bad. She won't talk to me. But that's not the issue. I can still feel her troubles. It's serious."

I recalled, "You didn't mention a personal mission for her. Then again, you were all on Illium a while back. Did you help her with something back then? I'm aware she has an apartment on the colony."

"We took care of something at the time. I just doubt it'll be enough. Miranda's incredibly unfocused these days."

"Then what's the solution?"

"I'll see how things pan out. I'm weighing my options. Taking everything into consideration. All of that."

"Would you outright refuse to bring her for the final mission? Protecting her that way? Even if she hates you for it."

Somber, Shepard simply nodded. As if this would in fact be the solution no matter what. Unavoidable.

All I could think about was what Tevos had told me earlier. How Lawson was a definite threat. As long as she remained brainwashed, she was a problem. A liability. A huge concern. Logically, Shepard knew this to be true. Though I could see how she'd separated these issues. Compartmentalized her general feelings toward this person she still cared for. Even if Shepard didn't have that love anymore, I understood why she worried. Lawson was just so far-gone. Trapped in her delusions. Her false image. The lies surrounding her—and refusing to accept help. Refusing to accept the truth. Spiraling alone, allies leaving her side; the love of her life with someone else. Someone she'd misjudged.

I didn't want to be in the business of sympathizing with her.

But I knew. I saw the way Lawson had wrapped herself in those lies—her armor, her only defenses left.

She refused to show Shepard who she truly was. The actual person behind those delusions, those lies. All of those things, she had believed in order to get by. And now here was everyone else, telling her that none of it was true. Lawson's self-image was about to collapse. She was this close to causing a real seismic event. And I had a feeling—a strong feeling—that we would all feel the effects of her avalanche.

Yet it was in my best interests to not repeat her mistakes.

So I took the necessary mental notes on this situation. I learned what not to do.

If Shepard longed to continue seeing me as I truly was…then I would grant her wishes. No matter what.

Back on topic, she remembered: "The only person I haven't spoken to in a while is Thane. I can tell there's something he needs to ask me."

Such strange timing—

Just as Shepard said that, we found someone else hanging around outside.

Thane and Lawson stood together, leaning on the railing by one of the holographic trees. Talking by the looks of it. But they seemed to sense us as soon as we sensed them. And Lawson leaned all the way away from me, beyond uncomfortable. In her stead, Thane worked up the courage to come over to us. He did appear overly-cautious. As if he expected Shepard to bite his head off at any moment. Though I found it unusual that this master assassin expressed his fear at all. Was he really that terrified of her?

"Hello, Commander," he said, trying to sound positive. "I have been meaning to speak with you."

"About what?" asked Shepard.

"Would it be possible for us to visit Kahje? I need to speak with my son, Kolyat. He is not in the best state of mind these days, and has gotten himself into some trouble. I feel responsible for him. If we could stop by the hanar homeworld; if I could find him, talk to him, it would help me a great deal."

"Where exactly on Kahje is your son?"

"Kolyat is currently in the Celestial Capital, Al'Taieu. He has fallen in with the wrong people. My son is headed down a path of crime and murder, likely due to anger. I have been absent from his life for many years. Yet not a day goes by that I do not think of him. I must make amends. I must atone for my sins."

Shepard decided, "We'll head to Kahje in a few days. After we give Aria some time to settle in first."

Thane bowed to her. "My thanks."

Mordin contacted us via radio, "Everyone, please gather at Armax Arena. All systems go!"

"Copy that, Mordin," replied Shepard. "We'll get to the locker room, gear up, and go over the strategy."

The others conveyed their understanding, promising to head over now.

By accident, I glanced at Lawson again.

She refused to move, to even look at me. She was clearly in a lot of pain. Definitely unfocused.

Thane let us know, "Miranda and I will spectate from the audience at the Armax Arena. It would be for the best, given current circumstances. Unless our participation in the game is mandatory today."

"No, it isn't mandatory," allowed Shepard. "If she's not up for it, I'm not going to force her. It's okay."

This moment passed between them, stiff and sundered.

I sensed how Shepard waited for Thane to say something else. Whatever was actually on his mind. Her stern silence seemed to be his permission unspoken. Permission to ask his sincerely burning question:

"Shepard…have I offended somehow?"

"You mean how I haven't talked with you much."

Thane hurt to hear her say it like that. "Well, yes… I respect you a great deal. If there is something about me, some ire I have drawn, I simply wish you would let me know. I promise I can accept the truth."

Even still, Shepard had no words for him. She had no real reason to explain herself.

"Then I believe I understand," tried Thane. "I come across as one seeking redemption, absolution. Do you feel my concerns are too lofty? That I would somehow lose focus on the mission completely? Despite our rocky interactions thus far, I am dedicated to you. I am in awe of you, Commander. Deeply."

Those insults I'd heard from him before—about Shepard's alleged self-righteousness—certainly said otherwise.

Shepard narrowed her eyes. Knowing better, she didn't quite believe him. She sensed his partial lying.

Thane faltered under her gaze again. I saw those insults plastered over his face, and then some.

"You're a father, Thane," noted Shepard, looking to Lawson just nearby. "I can see why the two of you get along. I'm sure your conversations are very involved. Have you been taking care of her? As a friend."

"I… Yes, Commander, I have."

"Then keep doing that for me. Keep Miranda safe, and you and I will be just fine. Give it some time."

"I will. You have my word. Thank you for your forgiveness."

"Water under the bridge," she declared, offering her hand.

Thane hesitated to accept her truce.

After another stiff moment, he did shake her hand. The most dangerous handshake I'd ever seen. Filled with not-so-subliminal warnings from Shepard, from her disproportionate strength compared to him. I hadn't expected Shepard to completely stop caring about Lawson by now. Not at all. Her point merely struck me in a harsh, sharp way. If this was how protective she was over someone who'd hurt her, I could only imagine—just how much worse she would possibly be if this were about me instead.

Packed in these tight quarters of the Armax Arena's locker room, I prepared myself for the fight ahead. Mentally, anyway. Shepard was over with Mordin, getting the rundown on how to guide our simulation game. She would apparently be in control of the difficulty levels, how many enemies we faced, the Reaper's attacks—almost everything out in the battlefield. All she had to do was press a button on her omni-tool, and she'd have the power to end the game entirely if she wanted. So I took this as Shepard testing us individually, to see how much we could take. Especially the powerhouse biotics among us: Jack, Samara, Little Liara, and myself. We had the most important job of them all.

Those Reaper ships could fire off incredibly powerful beams. If those red lasers reached any of us, we were dead. No questions asked. It didn't help that Shepard was the most vulnerable among us. If at all possible, she wanted to see if we could protect her from those lasers. The game's Insanity difficulty was supposedly true-to-life—the strength we could expect to see from a real Reaper. So if any of us could put up a biotic field, and have that field sustain an attack on that difficulty, then we'd be fine.

As I sat on one of the locker room benches, I thought things through.

As competitive as I was, of course I wanted to be the best. I wanted to make Shepard proud. I wanted everyone to be in awe of my power. But if I failed… Or if someone like Samara outlasted me, I could only imagine how humiliated I'd feel. I glanced over at her meditating somewhat nearby, looking prepared for the challenge. Needless to say, this was a risk for me. A huge risk. But I just had to roll with it.

Meanwhile, Wrex decided to pay me a visit.

I eyed him as he sat down next to me.

"Wrex," I acknowledged. "Do you need something?"

"Heh, aren't you wondering how I'm here? How I got away from Tuchanka? It was a surprise."

"Yes, Shepard didn't mention we would see you around. In fact, she made it clear we likely wouldn't see you until this mission is over. So I'll go ahead and humor you. How did you manage to join us today?"

Wrex explained, "I told my brood brother Wreav to sit in for me while I'm gone. I don't want to be away for too long, though. My brother's a hothead, and a pain in the ass. He might try to take my throne."

"I can sympathize with that. If you don't trust him, then you should get back home soon."

"Not like you, huh?" he figured. "Guessing you've got some good people back on Omega. People you trust to look after the place while you're gone. Didn't think you were the type for that."

I deflected, "There are more important things going on beyond Omega. I couldn't ignore that."

Wrex gave a knowing chuckle. "Uh-huh. You don't say." Across the way, Shepard gave him a very specific glance. "Keep humoring this old fossil, Aria. I've been meaning to talk to you for a while…as a friend. Mind if we chat?"

I rolled my eyes, but willed myself to let him talk anyway.

Wrex then decided to ask, "So how'd you do it?"

"How did I do what?" I countered, knowing full-well what he meant.

"How'd you make this big turnaround? Get Shepard to change her mind about you?"

"Don't you think you're being a little invasive, Wrex?"

"Maybe," he allowed. "But see, I have a special angle on the commander's love life. I've been around from the start…so I know a thing or two about her, what she likes. What she will and won't tolerate. She had it rough growing up. Think that's why she doesn't need someone who's nice and sweet. Makes me wonder why she's drawn to the exact opposite most of the time. You're as tough as they come."

No, I wasn't.

I put on a show of toughness all the time, and Shepard saw right through me. That drew us together.

Of course, Wrex didn't need to know the truth.

"Get to the point," I said instead.

"I did some research," drawled Wrex, not getting to the point at all. "Alenko told me, in their human languages, omega has a special meaning. It's the last letter in the 'Greek alphabet.' It's supposed to symbolize true strength. What gets me the most is how omega is at the end. Your station is where people run when they've got nowhere left to go. You take care of them now. You're at the end, too."

"What do you mean—I'm at the end?"

"You're Shepard's last relationship. At the end of a long, painful road. Are you the strongest lover, Aria?"

…I was the weakest, actually.

At least in terms of passionate displays. Perhaps my emotional intelligence was…stilted these days. Just from how many years I had spent suppressing myself. Suppressing and repressing; maintaining my image. Only for this extraordinary person to completely shatter my self-image, captivating me at once.

Wrex's opinions warmed me. His implications pleased me. Though I was too hesitant to believe him.

So I had to deflect again, "How are you convinced that I'm her final relationship?"

Making a point, Wrex had us listen in—

Shepard had gone over to Little Liara now, talking to her. Asking if she had a personal mission.

Liara could lower her breathy voice all she wanted—hiding away from me—yet I still heard her:

"I'm afraid not, Shepard. You and I are…working things out. That is enough for me."

"It's been pretty slow-going," said Shepard, as more of an off-hand comment. Liara shifted around in discomfort. "Did you at least want to head home to Thessia later on? Even just to visit?"

Liara smiled a little. "I would like that, yes."

Through that smile, I saw how red her eyes were. As if she had been crying a lot lately. Sad, weepy.

So depressed and broken without Shepard.

It didn't look like she planned on apologizing today, either.

Wrex noticed, "You see it, too. How much she's faking it these days. She thinks we don't know."

"She's not okay," I said, looking away. "This isn't new information. Again, what is your point?"

"This isn't a pretty sight. But I'm trying to tell you what's what. Back when you and I fought, handled that business, I knew. I saw something special in you. You didn't just let me go because it was convenient for you. I could tell you did it out of respect. So you know what else that tells me? This image of yours is a full-time job. When it comes down to it, you have your principles. You have your own set of rules you wanna follow. You're a lot like Shepard. Not so much opposites. More like the same person."

Well, I never expected Wrex to be this observant.

"And you think that's why I'm at the end? Why I'm supposedly her last relationship?"

"You're selfish, Aria." Of course I was. "I know Shepard sees you for you. You're not running away, though. You're too selfish and stubborn to let her go. Selfish in the best way. Takes a lot of courage. Out of everyone, you have the most to hide. Hundreds of years of scars and fuckups. You let her in anyway."

I glanced away from his divining. "So? There's nothing special about any of that. It's what people do."

"If that were true, Shepard would still be with someone else instead of you."

I couldn't possibly disagree with him. Especially not after seeing the state Lawson was in earlier.

On the fringes of all this was Tali.

Shepard also spoke to her about a possible personal mission. Or anything else urgent, important.

This should've been Tali's chance to apologize as well.

Instead, she settled on: "Well, my father has been acting strange lately… He keeps taking a long time to respond to my messages. Usually he gets back to me much sooner. Even when he's caught up with work. I considered going back to the Flotilla to see him. But it shouldn't be anything to worry over. Hopefully."

I didn't need to see behind Tali's literal mask to know how she felt.

Hiding in her misery, too. Just like her best friend did.

Wrex finished making his point: "Years ago, Shepard taught me something important. The more we hold back our feelings, the weaker it makes us. Someone who can hold their head up high as their real self? That's the hardest thing to do. But it's also true strength. It's omega. Being vulnerable isn't weakness. It's a gift."

I had to challenge him one more time. "It's not a gift when people take advantage of you in that state."

"That's why you should only give gifts to certain people. People you trust and value the most. Like her."

As a perfect coincidence, I looked up and found Shepard staring back at me. I knew she couldn't hear Wrex and me from over there. I knew she couldn't decipher a word of our conversation. And yet we just so happened to make eye contact like this. I felt her truest feelings through and through. All over again, Shepard inspired me to do more for her. To give more of myself than I ever thought possible. Even if it killed me, I couldn't hide from her. I wanted to give these gifts to her—just as she had given hers to me.

With these revelations, we all transitioned out to the battlefield. This simulated location looked a lot like a city, carved out at this smaller scale. The daytime's sun hovered in the distance, well up above: bright and sunny on this Casual difficulty, the easiest setting. Across the way, the capital-class Reaper ship stomped around, reaching well up to the tallest skyscrapers. Not attacking any of us for now, the monstrosity just caused a few small earthquakes as it moved. That blaring sound it gave off reminded everyone of its presence even more—as if we could forget.

Opposite the Reaper, I stood with Shepard, watching the scene. Jack, Little Liara, and Samara stayed with us. We waited on Shepard's orders for now. Everyone else tackled the Collectors pouring out to the field, straight from the Reaper ship itself. Those enemies acted as the stand-ins for the 'husks' the Reapers would create of us during the war…once they started harvesting our species across the galaxy.

On the frontlines, the rest of the team held their own against the Collectors. EDI, Wrex, Tali, Kasumi, Garrus, Mordin, Zaeed, James, Kaidan, Javik, and Legion all worked together. It almost seemed surreal, seeing everyone at once like this. As a small army, they blasted through those Collectors. Kasumi teleported around the field, assassinating smaller mooks with her sword. EDI cloaked around for her sneak attacks with that shotgun of hers. James, Zaeed, Kaidan, Wrex, and Javik formed a wall of strength, tearing through anything in their path. Mordin and Tali played support with their tech abilities, hanging back somewhat. And Legion and Garrus sniped from a distance, taking care of the larger Scion and Praetorian units. They could've gotten through things much sooner with Shepard's raw power, with mine, with Jack, Samara, Liara. But we had our directions to wait for now, and so we continued waiting.

Experimenting, Shepard used her omni-tool to turn the difficulty up to Normal.

The sun grew darker in the sky. And right away, we heard shouts of struggling from the others. The Collectors suddenly started shooting more often. Their shots landed harder against everyone's shields, dealing more damage. Yet the team managed to push through, dealing with the tougher onslaught.

Jack noticed, "Still looks too easy. We struggled way more back on Horizon."

Liara asked, "This is too easy on Normal?"

"Yeah, even Eden Prime was basically Casual mode. Horizon was definitely…a lot harder, I'll say."

Shepard skipped Veteran and went straight to the Hardcore difficulty. The sun darkened even more.

All of a sudden, a Scion sniped clear through James' fortified shields, downing him.

"Son of a bitch!" cried James. "That thing got me in one hit!"

Mordin hurried over to him. "Applying medi-gel!"

Kasumi cloaked just in time, barely avoiding a Possessed Praetorian on her tail. That giant thing turned around in EDI's direction instead, firing its double lasers at her. The monster caught her unawares; EDI took those powerful lasers right to the face, her mech body falling to the ground. But her Repair Matrix kicked in, reviving her. EDI got right back up as if nothing even happened. Then she cloaked and bolted from the enemy as quickly as she could.

Garrus complained, "Wow, my shots aren't even making a dent… This is bad."

Legion made a geth-like stuttering sound, which I assumed to be its shared frustration.

Javik, Kaidan, Zaeed, and Wrex rushed to keep their wall up. Tali stayed behind them—avoiding impending doom from the large group of Collectors nearing, nearing.

Liara fought back the urge to run over and help.

Samara hummed in worry.

Jack decided, "Okay, yeah, this is a little harder than Horizon?"

"It's not even the hardest difficulty," I pointed out. "Insanity's supposed to be real life. What to expect."

"Well, shit…"

Shepard turned the settings back down to Casual.

As the sunny skies returned, the team had a much easier time out there. They mopped up the enemies that had just made hell for them seconds before. Clearing the field, everyone regained their bearings. Once they did, Shepard pressed another button, making it so the Collectors stopped respawning. The rest of the team heaved for breath with this freedom, relieved.

"Just imagine," said Javik. "That sort of destruction on a daily basis, non-stop. This is what my people underwent. This is what the Protheans endured for years until the war ended. Such misery and struggle will be upon this cycle. You must be prepared. We must be better than what my comrades suffered."

"Agreed," replied Wrex. "The war will be on our shoulders. And we've gotta come out on the other side, stronger for it. No excuses."

Tali sighed. "You're right… It's a lot to handle, but what choice do we have?"

Shepard reminded them, "We're not done yet. Jack, you're up first. Head to the center of the field."

Almost faltering, Jack followed orders. "Okay, Commander…"

She went to the middle of the area, the center of this makeshift city.

The others gave Jack a fair amount of space, fanning out near the edges. Giving her this stage alone.

On Shepard's command, the Reaper turned its sights on Jack all alone. Its core firing chamber glowed a heated red, heating more as its giant legs lifted upward. Miniscule in comparison, Jack stared up at the monstrosity, a mere blip in size. She tensed her tattooed arms, clawed her inked hands. That snarled determination in Jack's face spoke of her inner strength, determination. She had it in her to pull this off.

"Jack," called Shepard. "Put up your strongest biotic field. Hold it for as long as you can. Do it now."

Giving everything, Jack held up her biotic bubble, wide enough to protect the whole team if needed.

Still on Casual, still on easy mode, still with the clearest sunny skies—

The Reaper fired its single beam straight down on her, as one continuous focus, over and over.

Shouting in agony, Jack held her ground. That red collided against the transparent blue of her bubble. Heat upon heat tried to scar through her shield. And it kept going, but Jack prevailed. She flexed her biotics harder, holding. Holding and holding, she held out. So Shepard amped up the difficulty to Normal. As the sun darkened again, the Reaper powered up, sending a stronger beam this time. This time, Jack physically buckled. She crumpled to her knees. But she forced her field to stay the hell up. The way she screamed, I could feel her pain, so fucking visceral. More than true power, her stubbornness kept her going at this point. Could she hold on at a harder difficulty? Could she? Right now, I doubted it.

Shepard waited. She waited until Jack stood up, still holding that field up. Reinforcing, reinvigorated.

Then she turned the difficulty up to Veteran.

Jack held on for mere seconds more. The second she realized the Reaper had grown stronger, she lost. She let that bubble slip out of her hands; she collapsed under the weight of that impossible beam. That scream of dire pain, that smokescreen from the impact, debris and rubble flying everywhere—

When the smoke cleared, Jack had collapsed, down in that crater from the beam.

Mordin rushed over to revive her. She woke up with enough medi-gel—because this was just a game.

But as she skulked off to join the others, Jack knew. If this had been real life, she would've been dead.

Shepard considered.

Liara could barely look at her.

"Samara, head on over. Let's see how long you can hold out for."

"Yes, Commander," obliged Samara.

Given the justicar's age and experience, I assumed she would beat Jack's record. Or at least I hoped she would. Because if she couldn't, then my own chances seemed much slimmer. On one hand, I enjoyed this tangible way of measuring our capabilities. Easy and straightforward. On the other, my doubts started growing. And I hated it.

Samara went to that crater. Right where Jack had just been. The Reaper stared her down all the same.

Shepard dimmed the difficulty to Normal.

Ready for anything, Samara deployed her biotic bubble. She held that strong, enviable stance of hers.

The Reaper fired down on her. Focused and flaming, its beam crashed against Samara's protections. Yet she held on, all without bucking. All without making a sound. Seeing that, Shepard turned the difficulty up to Hardcore, again skipping the one in between. Samara groaned under the weight of that power. Immense and unknowable, the Reaper kept firing, kept trying to end her. Heaving for breath, the justicar refused to relent. She drew from the deepest well within her, swelling with spirit. She infused that depth into her biotics, holding on. Still holding on somehow.

Shepard upped the difficulty to Insanity.

The Reaper powered up, surrounded by red waves of energy.

The sun blackened across the sky as a full-on solar eclipse.

As the enemy rained its beam down once more, Samara held the fuck on. She kept that biotic field up. She shouted in a harrowing pain. But she didn't relent. The rest of the team broke out in cheers. Even Jack had to smile, accepting Samara's superiority. Shepard nodded in approval—just before ordering the Reaper to stop. And I felt my heart about to beat out of my chest. Competitiveness. Impending struggle.

"Liara," said Shepard. "It's your turn."

"Are you…leaving the difficulty as-is? On Insanity?"

"For now, yes."

Liara nearly stuttered, "Shepard, I don't think I can do this."

Having expected this already, Shepard placed her hand along Liara's shoulder. She guided her along, over toward that crater. Samara had already taken her place with the others. Liara at least had an easier time accepting her fate, with Shepard alongside her like this. I felt my anxieties growing anyway. Because if Liara failed, then both she and Shepard would end up KO'd. Sure, Mordin could play medic and get them back up. But I still didn't want to see it. I had no idea how I'd react in the moment.

Shaking in her lab boots, Liara stood in the crater, staring wide-eyed up at the Reaper. The rest of the team loudly cheered her on, promising she could do this. Shepard stayed right by her. She kept her hand over Liara's shoulder. Likely giving more words of encouragement—even as that gargantuan Reaper stared them down, taking a seismic step forward. After a moment longer, Liara took a deep breath. She composed herself. She took her time in getting that biotic bubble up, powering and empowering. Just one little asari against a giant Reaper, with our captain by her side. My curiosity got the better of me. Now I needed to see this.

That firing chamber at the Reaper's core lit up, energy burning as vermillion.

At the last possible second, Shepard turned the difficulty down to Hardcore, the second hardest one.

Liara didn't realize it, though. Only the rest of us did. She prepared for the absolute maximum.

When the beam hit her field, Liara…actually held on. She managed to keep standing. She cried out from the pain, yes. She could take more, and Shepard knew it. As that laser bore down on Liara's protections, the difficulty went back up. All the way up. The Reaper leaned all the way into its assault, determined to end Liara and Shepard both. But again, Liara didn't relent. She brought herself to that edge of insanity and thrived—without bucking, without crying, without giving a single inch. Even from here, I felt how her mind had split in half. Breaking barriers, breaking boundaries. She broke clear through her fears.

Lo and behold—Little Liara surpassed my expectations.

Though I did agree with Shepard's move. The Reaper at full power, right off the bat? That might've had a different ending. Certainly not this one: with the Reaper stopping, and Liara taking her moment to breathe. Tali hurried over to her, offering endless congratulations. Shepard gave Liara a bit more reassurance, obviously pleased with her. Liara looked rather shy. She might've surprised herself. As she went over to the rest of the team, really only Javik shared her surprise. He had likely doubted her, too.

Shepard called out, "Aria. You're the finale. Make it a strong one."

Resolute, she gestured for me to join her.

That Reaper stayed behind, under her control. Towers and towers tall, it wouldn't act without the press of her buttons, her omni-tool. Higher up, that solar eclipse loomed in its shadow.

I reached Shepard's side in this crater.

I found even more power from her presence, just like Liara had.

But I needed to ask, "Do you plan on doing the same thing? Changing the difficulty at the last second?"

"I'm not changing it," she said. "We're sticking with Insanity. You can handle this."

Unyielding, I prepared myself.

I put up this biotic field, shielding the both of us.

I remembered how much I had suffered before. How much pain I'd felt without her. Without Shepard with me like this. In the depths of my despair, I'd told myself—I could put up with anything else. Deal with any other type of pain. So long as I had her with me. So long as Shepard was mine, whatever else was fair game. Now here came fairness, here came justice. Here came that promise, solidified as reality:

Almighty, the Reaper fired that beam down on me.

Mightier, I held my ground. I forced my field to stay up. I fought to stay on this edge, with my control.

This pain, this struggle was nothing compared to the past.

I could deal with this. I could stand tall against this. I could thrive in this agony for Shepard's sake. For as long as she needed me to. For as long as possible. Because within the coming months, this would be our whole life. It wouldn't just be some theory. It wouldn't just be some far-off event looming over our heads. It wouldn't just be a simulation anymore. No more games once the Reapers arrived in force. Not from them, and not from me. No matter what, I vowed to protect Shepard in any way I could. I gave my promise with this continuation, standing strong against this damned Reaper bearing down on us together.

As always, the true difficulty awaited elsewhere.

Tapping into Shepard's emotional needs. Supporting her through the coming war. Finding some way to persevere. I could protect her physically from anything that came her way. Yet the rest—the rest, I knew I wasn't prepared for. Though just as I had clawed my way up to the top, earning this power to stand strong—I needed to find some way to make up for the rest. Just as I had come up from nothing to conquer Omega, I would do the same with Shepard's favor, with her heart, her mind, and all. Everyone else had given up, given into their despair, given into their lies and imperfections and weaknesses. But not me. I refused to do the same. Whatever I had to sacrifice, whatever I had to destroy—whatever I had to do to protect Shepard completely, she could consider it done.