"Legion" from Mass Effect 2 / "Bustle of the Capital" from Final Fantasy XI: Treasures of Aht Urhgan

LIX. A House Divided

(Shepard)

Journeying to the unknown of the geth heretic station, the Normandy kept me in its clinical embrace.

Freezing cold of this cryo pod held Thane instead.

Emotionless as my surroundings in the cargo hold, I stared down at his pod keeping him in death.

I remembered Kahje—that rainy night, the inescapable outcome. Even before then, on the same day, I had seen this coming less directly. While Aria and I were out to dinner at Absolute Virtue, we had witnessed our loves as those memories, the sins and the virtues. Of course I had imagined Aria: the two of us having that closeness together. Separately, differently, I also saw my team, my crew. Tali, Liara, Kaidan, Jack, Garrus, Dr. Chakwas, Samara, Mordin, everyone—even Miranda in this downgrade. Everyone meant this much to me. Everyone shined on as the light of my life. Everyone except for Thane.

He had made his choices and I'd made mine.

No one on the ship questioned my actions. Though I sensed them wondering about the implications. What this could mean for them if they ever crossed me; what this meant for another woman in my life.

This woman in particular: I heard the sounds of her heels clicking along the steel floor. Approaching me.

"Shepard, there you are," said Miranda, sounding oddly upbeat. "I thought I might find you down here."

How morbid of her.

"What is it?" I asked, still staring at Thane's pod.

"Well, I just thought I'd check up on you. It's been a few days since the incident happened. Don't you think we should talk about it? I hoped we could at least go over the most obvious information."

"There's nothing to go over, Miranda."

"That's nonsense and you know it."

Turning around, I found a clever glint in Miranda's eye, completely undeterred by reality.

She had her own way of seeing things. Her own fantasy that made sense in her own mind. No one else's.

"Really, we should," she went on. "Until that night, I was miserable for the longest. I couldn't possibly understand what happened. What your motives were. And I kept telling myself—there was no way you could've fallen out of love with me that quickly. Absolutely no way. Impossible. Then you proved me right. You protected me. You looked out for me. You could've let me die out in that rain. But you didn't."

Every word she spoke only amplified this image:

This image of the Illusive Man behind her, practically controlling her every move as a puppet master.

I glared at that image so hard, Miranda turned to look about. She found nothing. Saw nothing. As usual.

"What?" she asked. "Is something there?"

I clenched down on my back teeth, jaws jutting.

Miranda noticed this tic of mine and faltered.

"Shepard, really," she admonished this time. "I'm trying to have a conversation with you. Why are you blowing me off? We have a history together. Am I not entitled to just a few moments of your time?"

"No one is entitled to a damn thing with me, Miranda. Not even you. You should know better than that."

The unyielding depths of my tone seemed to chill her.

Still, Miranda continued on and on, "Shiala wrote to me the other day. She didn't have the best prognosis for us, our bond. But there's still time. You can still come back to me. We can still fix things. We have a responsibility to do this, after all. I'm prepared to do that with you. This is our duty, isn't it?"

I challenged her, "Is that it? Are you completely disregarding what I have with Aria? Dismissing her?"

"Obviously, yes. Aria's nothing but a rebound. You decided to use her until I woke up. I've done that."

Sharpening my stare, stepping toward her, I asked, "You woke up, huh? That's what you actually think?"

Miranda held her ground. She remained positive in the face of my rage. She maintained her delusions. "You wanted me to stop lying to you. To take your point of view into account. I've done this and more, Shepard. If you'd like, we can return to my room and discuss it further. Or if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine as well. You don't have to use your words. I've missed having your hands on my body."

"You want me to have sex with you. Right now."

"Of course. You're very good, and I'm very willing. Leave her first or don't—I don't care. Just come on."

The choice I had to make wasn't the obvious. It wasn't about whether or not to have sex with her. I had already, automatically made that decision—a very obvious hell no. Miranda didn't know that. She couldn't read the fucking obvious in my expression. She couldn't discern my usual sternness from how absolutely turned-off I felt in the moment. If I didn't know any better, my severity only turned her on.

To care or not to care.

To react or not to react.

To validate Miranda by caring enough to react, or to do the opposite—to not care, to stop caring.

Because I could've blown up over this whole thing. Yelled at her for treating me like some fuckboy. Shouted her down for disrespecting Aria like this. Gone ballistic over her asking me to have an affair, when she knew that wasn't me. All of these things mattered. They all meant something to me.

But this person staring so smugly up at me—she didn't matter anymore.

So I flipped that switch; stopped reacting, stopped caring.

As Miranda widened her gaze, I found my dispassionate stare reflecting back at me through her eyes.

"Are we done here?" I droned on. "I have to go."

"I…" She was about to give up, until she sprung back to anger—"Shepard, wait a moment! There's still no possible way that any of this is real. You couldn't have moved on from me this quickly. Not after everything. You couldn't have!" Such a grating noise: this broken record of her broken heart. "Tell me what you need me to do, then. Say the word. You have the power here. You always will." I could've yawned from Miranda placating me; I could've yawned from this early hour of the morning. "I refuse to believe otherwise. How could you be with her instead? For God's sake, Shepard, she has a daughter! Are you going to be a father to someone else's child now? Is that how far you'll go to get away from me?"

I disliked her implications—that I wasn't capable of being that person in Liselle's life. Or that I was just playing some role to forget about the past. After what I'd last witnessed in Insomnia, that did sting a lot.

No point in reacting, though. Not with her. Not now, not ever.

"Yeah, I should go," I said instead, walking past her to the elevator.

"Where are you going?!" demanded Miranda, following me now. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I have an appointment with Dr. Chakwas."

"Oh… Are you unwell? Do you need me to look into anything?"

"No, it's just a checkup."

Miranda invited herself along for the elevator ride. We went up to the crew deck in silence. She kept staring at me, at my Alliance uniform. Observing the way I stood with my arms folded. To a certain extent, I couldn't look at Miranda anymore. I didn't want the reminders. I didn't want these stings of pain wounding my chest. I didn't want to look into her eyes and find the past there. For as much as she tried to pull me back, I remained rigid like this. I would move on from these pains and pangs with time.

She kept on following me as I headed to the med bay.

And I expected her to give up this time, once I passed through the door.

But right before I got there, Miranda gently held my hand. She stopped me in her softness, whispering:

"Shepard, you said you loved me… That doesn't just go away."

I kept my back to her.

Miranda kept my hand in both of hers, behind me.

"You were the first person to ever say those words to me. You made me feel like someone while we were together. You helped me feel as if I finally mattered. After a lifetime of despising myself, you gave me a clear focus. I could move on from all my masks and personas. You gave my life so much meaning."

I stared at the door to the med bay, counting down the scarce few minutes to my appointment—while the past kept inserting itself into these seconds and minutes, bloating and imploding my internal clock.

"I never got the chance to tell you that I lost my father. I don't know how, but he's dead. I only found out after suddenly receiving an inheritance from him one day, as it was written in his will. That was why I latched onto Thane. He was my only friend left. He was all I had left—until you killed him for me."

"You still have your sister," I corrected.

"I can't explain any of this to Oriana. I suppose there's still the Illusive Man…but you don't wish to hear of him."

Just as I couldn't explain that her boss was indoctrinated, leading us to this current outcome today.

Just as well, I couldn't tell Miranda that the Illusive Man had murdered her father.

"Shepard, what are you leaving out of this equation? Why did you seemingly run away from me? Did I frighten you somehow? This doesn't add up! There's something you aren't telling me. What is it?"

Giving the simple explanation, "You wouldn't believe me," was out of the question.

I had already drawn this line in the sand. Cerberus was the enemy. The Illusive Man was the enemy. Miranda was my enemy for as long as she insisted on staying with them. Nothing more, nothing less.

Too naïve to see the obvious, Miranda drew her own line between us:

"If you won't tell me, then I'm going to keep on like this. If you say nothing, then I'll know I'm right. Keep fooling around with Aria if you must. As cold-blooded as she is, I imagine your business with her is purely superficial. So you're going to end things with her once this suicide mission is over. There's too much riding on our relationship. As soon as we're finished dealing with the Collectors, I expect you back with me. That is your deadline. No matter what you say or do, I'm never letting this go—or you. Am I clear?"

Yet another trigger that nearly made me detonate—

Miranda's need to control me.

Instead, I took my hand from hers, walking ahead into the med bay. Leaving her to stare after me.

When the door closed, I found Dr. Chakwas at her desk, gazing up at me in a deep concern.

Knowing what to expect, I went to sit on the nearest bed. Wrapping up the work on her computer, Dr. Chakwas gave me a moment to myself. She also knew to wait for other reasons—waiting for Miranda to go on her way already. Calming down now, I appreciated her quiet care, her intuition at a time like this.

Then Dr. Chakwas came over to me. "Needless to say, I heard everything. Are you all right, Shepard?"

"More or less," I allowed, watching her omni-tool as she did her usual checks. "It's not a big deal."

"No, I suppose not. Considering how disposable she truly is, I would say Miranda is in denial."

"She doesn't know that. I'd like to keep things that way."

"I would agree," she noted. "And I must say—you're on the right path, Commander. I know what Aria intends to do for you, though she hasn't yet woken up to the truth. I believe she just might get it done."

"I hope so…"

Clear-headed again, I could focus on the rest of my plans for the morning. We wouldn't arrive to the heretic station for some time yet. Until then, I wanted to make Aria her breakfast, as was our routine by now. I also needed to go get her dry-cleaning on the ship, after bringing the food to her. Then Aria would pick out something for us to watch together. We'd have that precious time to share until Legion's personal mission later on. I really wanted to have that time with her. I wanted everything with her.

After my checkup, I went back outside to the mess hall, to the kitchen there.

Devoted to this task, I cooked breakfast for Aria, forever glad to have this space to myself. Although I wasn't entirely alone. Joker was somewhere in the mess hall, sitting at a table. Sulking by himself for the longest. Not teasing me this time as I cooked for my girlfriend. Eventually, Kaidan came over and sat down with him. The two of them shared a quiet conversation together. I pretended not to notice, just to avoid embarrassing Joker over his obvious woes with EDI not returning his feelings. I focused on Aria instead. She actually liked eating human food—or at least she enjoyed the way I cooked it for her. Aria had specified she loved the way I seasoned my cooking, along with the care I put into everything for her. Making sure these scrambled eggs looked and felt as soft as possible, fluffed as white and egg-yellow. Doing the same for the French toast she liked so much, soft and sweet in light syrup and strawberries.

Topping everything off, I mixed a mimosa for Aria myself, using the Lumorian champagne I'd purchased from Kahje in bulk. Orange juice and champagne for this brunch cocktail: I knew that Aria liked slightly more champagne. I stirred everything together in the fluted glass as she wished, putting this strawberry garnish on top. Bending over backward to please, I put Aria's plate and her glass of mimosa together on this tray. And I took the tray with me to the elevator, making my way down to the engineering deck.

As I went, I heard the sounds of Kaidan and Joker sniffing at the air. The leftover smells of the breakfast I'd made wafted behind me. They seemed to lament over not getting this special treatment, knowing it was reserved for Aria. Mild jealousy: they understood what she meant to me. They didn't downplay it.

When I entered Aria's room, I found her just coming out of the adjacent bathroom, freshly-showered. The ice-cold smell of her body wash filled the area. Only a towel wrapped and cinched around her soaked body. I had never seen this much of her before; and I didn't mean to stare at the deep plunge of her cleavage. My eyes moved farther down to her legs, toned just so from centuries of wearing those heeled boots of hers. There was something about the fluted shape, the bends of her legs, the perfect proportions of this specific part of her. The wet radiance of her violet skin only made me fixate more.

Aria smirked at me anyway, both glad for the breakfast and for my innocent indulging.

"Right on time as always, Shepard. I expect nothing less from you."

She went over to her bed, slipping under the sheets and her comforter, keeping the towel on.

Aria's eyes lit up once I went to her. The depths of her gaze had deepened since we left Kahje. Leaning over Aria, her beauty, I wasn't sure if I could handle her intensity right now. So I set this breakfast tray over her lap, and then kissed her as gently as I could. Following my lead, just as gentle, Aria brushed the tips of her fingers along my jaw, feathering me closer to her. Heightened senses and all, I smelled her that much closer. Completely different now that she wasn't on Omega anymore: Aria's aroma filled my nose as a sensation of dry ice. How her coldly-perfumed scent flowed off her skin as an unseen vapor, intoxicating. She let me adore her like this.

"I'll get your dry-cleaning now," I murmured into her mouth. "What did you want to watch today?"

"Mmm, nothing in particular. We can keep something on as background noise. I actually wanted to have a talk with you."

"You wanted to talk? About what?"

"Patience, babe. For now, please go ahead and get my clothes. As you can see, I have nothing to wear."

I laughed over how casual she was about this. "All right, then. I'll be back in a few minutes."

Before I went, Aria removed the strawberry garnish from her mimosa glass. She set the freshly-washed fruit just over my lips, watching me softly. I smiled and ate her proffered gift, then headed back out.

While collecting Aria's clean clothes, I heard EDI's voice in the room:

"Shepard, I noticed you have done this by hand a number of times. This process could easily be automated. I believe you are aware of this, as many other crewmembers simply have their clothes sent directly to their rooms. Would it not be more efficient to have me do the same for Aria's items?"

"Yes, it would be more efficient," I agreed. "But this is the more intimate option."

EDI sounded confused. "I am not clear on how pursuing an inefficient method is seen as 'intimate.'"

I tried to think of a useful analogy. "It's the difference between someone handpicking new hardware to give you as a present—or just getting you whatever's supposed to be the best. One method is curation, the other is…the automated option. Curating is more thoughtful. Putting the work in is what counts."

"I see. Aria is pleased by your efforts. Pleasing her is intimate, or in this case, the more efficient option."

"Intimacy's not really about being efficient, EDI…"

"Oh, I apologize. Organics associate efficiency with mechanical methods or autonomous processes. I suppose there is a negative association in this case—as if you are attempting to please Aria for some sort of sexual reward. I have not heard any evidence of sexual activity between the two of you. I also haven't heard reports of the crew congregating outside of Aria's room to listen in. Therefore, I can only assume you are not primarily driven by any such rewards. Or would those come at a later time?"

That pun… "Tell me you did not just say that."

"That was a joke," came EDI's sheepish reply.

"Keep this up and you'll turn into Joker."

Much more serious now—"Then I will adjust my heuristics accordingly and avoid telling jokes."

"EDI…that was a joke, too."

She went quiet then.

I sighed over this weird tension between the two of them, EDI and Joker. I couldn't imagine how they flew the ship as co-pilots without much synergy together. I didn't believe I had anything to worry about. But the ongoing problem didn't sit right with me. Maybe they would get along better in the future.

Back in Aria's room, I found her watching the vid screen attached to the ceiling. She ate breakfast at her own pace—mostly focused on me now as I went to her holo-closet. Placing her clothes within, organized by occasion, I listened to the show she had on: an asari crime drama program from Thessia, bullets and curse words flying. Once I finished, I took off my uniform jacket, folding it nearby. Then I went to go lie down with Aria, keeping my head over her shoulder; winding down after a productive morning. She stayed quiet for the time being, content to feed me a few forkfuls of food. Just like we always did now.

Calm, contemplative, Aria clearly had something on her mind. Whatever she wanted to discuss. Not wanting to rush her, I waited for her to speak. Whatever churned through her mind seemed important.

As I waited, listening to Aria's breathing next to my ear, I remembered what I'd witnessed of her life story. Everything that had made her into who she was today. I realized how short-sighted it had been of me before, judging Aria the way I did. The main thing that had turned me off about her—it turned out as the one thing keeping her sane all these years. Naturally I wondered what would've happened if we had gotten together before. I imagined we still would've reached this Zen we had now. It just would've taken us a bit of time and a lot of wrangling to get here. And that would've inevitably caused more problems.

From this angle, I could stare out the window right next to us. The stars glittering out past that black lake—billions and billions. They felt as eyes to me, in distant pairs, watching my every thought, my every move. Powering and empowering, perceiving and deceiving, those observers read my emotions just as well, forming their own opinions about me. Companions or foes, whatever they were, they had been here with me since the very beginning. Yet without those stars, none of this would've been possible.

Aria soon pulled me out of my thoughts, inviting me into her own.

"About what you saw of my life," she mentioned. "We don't need to go over it. You gave me what I needed. Your acceptance. That's more than good enough for me. There's just something else that may surprise you."

"What do you mean?" I wondered.

Aria smiled in amusement, explaining, "While you went through my past, I did the same with yours. I saw everything. How you grew up. What you suffered. When you enlisted in the Alliance. What it meant for you. Including your last mission against Saren and the geth, how you related to your teammates. The story took me through your death. And then through someone else's eyes up until a relevant point. Let's just say this was different than reading about everything in a report. It certainly opened my eyes more."

"Oh…"

"Are you worried?"

"I wouldn't say I am. I wasn't expecting it, obviously. But it makes sense. It's only fair. If you saw my story through someone else's eyes, I guess that's similar to what I saw. I got to know you better through Liselle's eyes after a while. You're saying there was someone like that for my story? Who was it?"

"Tali, your princess."

I stared up at Aria, finding nothing but patience in her eyes. Boundless acceptance in return.

Since she used that title, then she knew.

She knew everything.

Aria went on, "I understand just how important Tali is to you. Even if you won't admit it yourself."

No, I didn't want to admit it.

"Why wasn't it someone else?" I deflected instead. "Why did it have to be her?"

"Because of how important she is, babe. Or are you not listening to me? Why are you still in denial?"

"I've moved on," I insisted. "I'm not putting up with anyone's shit. I won't tolerate what she did to you."

Aria lectured, "She's already apologized to me. Back on Kahje. I accepted her apology. You accepted Liara's apology for the same thing, and yet you're holding onto this specific grudge with Tali instead. If you won't accept that, then there are deeper issues going on here. I can already see what they are."

Sitting up now, turning away in annoyance, I still asked, "What issues are you talking about?"

Having predicted my reaction already, Aria sounded perfectly calm: "Shepard, your primary language isn't English or even anything specifically human. With you, it's all about power. You and I are both similar in this regard. So I know what I'm talking about. The last thing you want is for someone to have too much power over you. I see that you're angry. But can you at least agree with me on this much?"

Glaring at a specific spot on the steel floor, I muttered out, "Yeah, that's true."

"Ashley or Miranda could never have this specific power over you. You will always care for them to some extent. I respect that. But there's a deep, embedded reason why you've moved on from them. Correct?"

Gritting my teeth, jaw clenching, I could only nod.

"Your situation with Liara seems equally complicated. But you're still working things through on that end. Knowing she doesn't hold much power over you anymore, isn't that why you forgave her?"

"Yes," I grunted.

Aria seemed to smile anyway. "Taking this a step further, Tali and Liara were very coordinated back on Kahje. It's no secret they planned out their moves. Liara would only speak with you, and Tali would only speak with me. I like to think of them as partners in crime. They're both too smart for their own good."

I would've laughed over how true that sounded, if not for everything else. Thick as thieves those two.

Those thoughts left me as soon as Aria spelled out the nature of this power:

"The point is, Tali is very special to you. When she's happy, you're happy. When she's upset, you work to find a solution to her problems. You always want to protect her in a certain way. But you also don't want to feel this way about her at all. You allow your truest feelings for Tali to go unspoken for the sake of 'protecting' her. You claim you don't want to hurt her. But you're also protecting yourself, aren't you? You're protecting yourself from how easily she could seduce you. All Tali has to do is snap her fingers, and you'd have a difficult time not cheating on me. A very difficult time. Wouldn't you say so, babe?"

I didn't need to fucking answer her.

Aria knew the answers to her questions already.

"I know you hate it, Shepard," said Aria, appearing to read my mind. "The thing is, you've only let this girl go while you're angry at her. That doesn't sound genuine to me. Aren't you only burying the truth?"

Just as Aria said that, my omni-tool went off with an alert.

An ill-timed email from the last person I wanted to hear from right now:

From: Tali'Zorah – Sorry but not sorry.

Shepard,

You and I haven't been speaking lately. I don't think we've been okay since Palaven, when we helped Garrus deal with Sidonis that night. Even when you brought Liara back to me soon afterward, you seemed rather off. That was nearly two months ago. Sure, we spoke back on the Citadel at the Armax Arena. But I would hardly call that a conversation. You asked me if I needed anything, again, as a possible personal mission. I could tell you only did it out of obligation. Not because you wanted to.

There was a reason why Liara went to speak with you first on Kahje. She and I came up with the idea as an experiment. You asked her if the two of you could be friends, colleagues. That question caused Liara a lot of heartbreak. I'm not sure if she will ever get over it. In reality, I couldn't stand to go up to you, and possibly have you ask me the same thing. Because I know it would've been a lie. With Liara, I accept that it was a sincere question. With me, it wouldn't have been. You and I will never be just friends. There has always been something more between us. Yes, I've thrived on this feeling. Perhaps it's selfish of me. Perhaps it's greedy of me to keep possessing you this way; to never let you go. Even while you're angry.

For the sake of our relationship, I'm sorry for upsetting you with what I did. But I'm not sorry for doing it in the first place. I'm not perfect. I can't lie and pretend to give you a perfect apology. I just can't.

I know it's bitchy of me to admit this. This isn't much of an apology. And I've probably upset you even more by saying it. That whole situation was stupid and childish. I fell into it because I needed to vent; because I didn't want any repeats of the past. I didn't want to be blindsided again. I accept that my actions amount to treason against you. So that's why I'm sorry. At the same time, I'm not sorry because I needed it for myself. Maybe I didn't like your girlfriend at first for other reasons. Because I worried I wouldn't have room to still be your princess, like when your exes were around. You know what I mean.

Whether you accept my apology or not, nothing will fundamentally change between us. As long as you know that, you're free to come speak to me whenever you're ready. Whatever you decide works for me.

-Tali

Thrown right back into my old protectiveness for her, these familiar feelings coursed through my core.

Tali had some nerve to tell me all that. But it was because of her nerve that I felt like this all over again.

But then I felt Aria's hand over my bare shoulder. The warmth of her gloveless touch belied her own feelings. Her own understanding, her own enlightenment. Aria had seen all of this with her own eyes, just as I had seen of her past, her truest emotions. She had accepted this about me and more, just as I had accepted everything about her. So she had to know exactly how I felt right now.

"Babe, hear me out," requested Aria. "I'm not threatened by Tali at all. She went through hell while you were dead. Even now, she's still dedicated to you. I'm not concerned about you cheating on me. In fact, I respect Tali even more for this power she has over you. I wish you would stop neglecting her. You have a responsibility to protect her, provide for her in your own way. Don't you think it's time you stepped up?"

"It's hard to do that when she acts out like this."

"You know how these things go. Tali doesn't want you to leave her behind. The same goes for Liara."

I guessed she was right about that.

"Speaking of other women," transitioned Aria. "I was thinking of heading back to Omega at some point. Sometime soon. At least temporarily. I need to tie up a few loose ends before our shore leave on Thessia. Since Samara has her personal business on my station, I might stay there for a while." Why? "It's about Nyreen. I suddenly realized that I ought to say goodbye to her before we hit the Collectors."

"Does that mean…you miss her?"

"Not at all. Saying goodbye to her means I want to check in on her operations one last time. The Talons have been expanding their territory too much. She knows I don't like it. So I figured I'd pop my head in, visit Nyreen in-person. Just to make her subtly aware of what I've observed. That should be enough."

"Whatever you need," I accepted, turning to regard her properly. "You know, I never got to see your relationship with her. Not up close. I just know what you've told me. Nothing from your memories."

Aria sneered over the news. "It's because she doesn't matter."

"Not even enough to talk about her now?"

"Not even that."

"All right, then," I accepted again. "We won't talk about her."

Making a point, I took Aria's tray from her, setting it on the table, off to the side. She had thoroughly cleaned the plate already. And her glass of mimosa. I found that I could've analyzed Aria's unwillingness to discuss Nyreen—just as I hadn't wanted to discuss Tali moments before. Taking that route didn't seem too productive, though. I wasn't interested in scoring points with Aria. I didn't care about winning the argument or whatever. As long as she was okay, nothing else mattered. She saw as much in my eyes once I returned to bed with her. Maybe she expected me to argue about this. But I chose not to.

Tender in her surprise, Aria outright asked, "Why aren't you forcing me to give better answers?"

"I can't force you to do anything," I pointed out to her.

Seemingly exhausted, she turned away from me. Lying down over her pillows, I could only see Aria's gaze through the window, her faded reflection right next to her bed. Worried now, I leaned my weight just over her pillows. Right behind her. Close enough to this heat of her body without touching her.

Aria mumbled out, "How strange… You give me heaven for breakfast every single morning. You take good care of me. You listen to what I have to say—without judging me. And now you know every humiliating thing about my past. Except you haven't treated me any differently. You don't even expect sex from me as payment for everything you've done—and continue to do. You have these special feelings for another woman, and yet I know you'd never break my heart by cheating on me. Are you…some kind of alien?"

"Yes, actually," I joked.

She didn't mean to laugh at that. "Damnit, Shepard, you know what I'm trying to say."

Sequestered as she was beneath the sheets and comforter, I settled myself even closer behind her.

Aria leaned into me, settling herself in my hold. Keeping this imagined height over her, I could rest my head atop hers at this angle. I could stare at our joined reflection as one in the window. I could hold back these temptations for so much more, feeling the warmth of her back against my front. Needing more from me anyway, Aria locked her arms around mine around her. I hadn't realized she had turned down the volume on whatever show she'd had on. We had this peaceful silence together: only the hum of the Normandy's equipment reached us here. Enjoying this peace, I realized that maybe she'd never had this before.

So I asked her, "Are you shell-shocked? Do you need me to do anything differently?"

"…that depends on what you mean."

"What do you mean, 'what I mean'? I want you to feel safe with me, Aria. It's what I always want."

"Well, I want the same thing," she let me know. "But I also mean this in a different context. You understand what safety means to me. How I've never really had it before. Now that you've given this to me, I realize how much I need it. I see how it affected me, not having this before. Looking back on my relationships, it's almost as if I was a different person without this feeling. What you're giving me now."

No wonder she didn't want to talk about Nyreen.

"What context do you mean, exactly?"

"The context that drives everyone crazy about you."

This slipped out smoothly, deeply—"Babe, just tell me what you mean. I want to know you even more."

Aria shifted and snaked around in my hold. Exhales as moans, inhales as hisses of restraint, control.

I kissed away the sudden sweat dripping down her neck, this saline taste tangling within the rounded grooves lining downward underneath her crests. A taste of nerves with hints of eezo—this strangely delectable flavor of the biotics flowing through her skin. I blew out a low, subtle laugh, drying off where I had tasted of Aria's skin. Only for her to start sweating more, shifting more, sighing that much more.

"Aria, talk to me," I ordered without force. "What's going through your head right now?"

"Shepard…you aren't the forceful type. Are you?"

"No, I'm not. Not unless you want me to be."

"You're all about giving off that feeling. Your intense vibes. The atmosphere of your power, your intentions."

"Yes, that's what I'm about."

Aria forced herself to stay still. "You remember what I told you in my email. About when we have sex. How I need you to dominate me. To just bend me over and fuck me. When it happens, I'm sure you'll be exquisitely physical with me in the moment. But you won't let it be purely physical. It will be a mental thing as well—because you'll make me stop thinking. It will be emotional, too. For obvious reasons. More than anything, Shepard, I want you…to control me. I want that freedom to let go with you."

Needing to be supportive, I locked up my need to fuck her right this second. Exactly as she described.

"Safety plays a big part of that," I noted. "Then again, something tells me this is about more than sex."

"Of course it is, babe," said Aria. "But there's something about this role you have in my eyes. Think about it. I've been on my own for years now. Never trusted anyone to come in and bolster me. Now here you are, giving me this true freedom to let go. To stop worrying about everything by myself."

"That's what I'm supposed to do."

"I know that, Shepard…and I get off to it. I just love the way I belong to you. And I want more of this."

I understood exactly what she meant.

Unwilling to say it, Aria changed the subject: "Did you need to speak with Legion before we arrive?"

"Yes, I planned on it," I said, letting her make this abrupt change. "I think Legion's in the engine room."

"You might run into Tali. I'm sure they're in there working together."

"I don't know how I'm going to handle that. But I shouldn't keep putting this off."

"You go on ahead, then. I'll get ready while you're gone."

While I put my uniform jacket back on, I kept thinking everything over. Realizing precisely what Aria had said; what she wouldn't say. Remembering what we'd discussed of her past and mine. Reacting to everything, internally, I watched as Aria stayed in her bed. She didn't necessarily want to end our conversation. Our plans for the day had spoken otherwise. So I let this important topic slide—for now.

Still on the engineering deck, I leaned against the nearest wall. Past the windows, I had a view of the cargo hold downstairs housing the Normandy's shuttle. Shuttered windows from Aria's room on this side: I could only guess she was still in bed for the time being, mulling things over. Nearby was one of the doors leading to the engine room. But I hesitated to go inside, instead re-reading Tali's email. I read her words again with a fresh set of eyes, a different perspective. I was supposed to forgive Tali for anything, no matter what she did. I wouldn't let myself see things from this point of view before. Still, I couldn't keep doing that.

Preparing myself for anything, I headed through to the engine room.

Entering this door, I passed through the hallway, past the stairs leading down to the subdeck.

Mere paces away from the next door, I stopped.

Tali appeared there in the doorway. On her way out. She seemed worried. Maybe about her father taking so long to respond to her messages these days, as she'd mentioned during our last talk. Maybe about me instead. Maybe both. And of course, Tali looked up at me. We stared at each other for a long moment. I found my reflection in her mask, opaque in that violet tinting. I saw this light in my eyes, brimming past my hesitations. Because I remembered what Sovereign had said before: about how my team would always stand by me. And I saw Tali's brightened eyes widening, finding my own sight as a light at the end of this tunnel. This long, winding, complicated tunnel of our relationship together.

Even though this was my ship, I stepped out of Tali's way.

In response, Tali let out a low, contented laugh, pleased by me.

As she passed by, she placed the three fingers of her hand along my bicep, the sleeve of my uniform jacket. And she could've kept going. Tali stopped in place, leaning against me. She did her best to sense more of my mindset, more of my emotions. Once Tali found her answers, she looked up at me again. She reached her arms out for a hug. So I leaned down and wrapped my arms around her waist. Contented more, Tali held me around my neck, my shoulders, needing to stand on the tips of her toes for this to work. But she didn't seem to mind the inconvenience. If anything, Tali adored this about me.

After all this time, my heart still picked up. My pulse quickened just from having Tali in my arms like this. Just from her touch. Just from her continued presence by my side, through anything and everything. Justified by absolutely everything Tali and I had gone through over the years. She'd always built me up.

Down on the subdeck stairs, I found Jack staring up at us.

That envy in the deep crimson of her eyes—toward both of us, separately. For vastly different reasons.

Facing the other way, Tali didn't notice.

"Thank you, Shepard," she breathed, curling into me. "I really needed this right now. I missed you…"

I couldn't get myself to say the same. Instead, I smoothed my hand along her head, the swirling embroidery of her suit's fabric, so intricate. Tali giggled anyway, soothed by my struggles, my intentions.

She asked instead, "Are you going to talk with Legion, then?"

"Yes, while I can," I told her. "What will you be up to while we're gone?"

"Trying to sort out this conundrum with my father—and the other admirals. Shala'Raan keeps hinting about something serious coming up. She's acting so strange. I'm sure I'll figure it out soon enough."

"All right. Just let me know if there's anything I can do."

Tali gazed up at me in earnest. She understood enough of what I couldn't say. What I couldn't act on.

She smiled over the meaning, heating me up the whole way through.

"I'll let you carry on," allowed Tali, pulling away. "Good luck with the mission. See you later!"

"Bye, Tali."

Whatever her troubles, Tali seemed much more optimistic as she went on her way. Jack had already retreated back to her den in the subdeck. And I found Legion at the nearest console, working by itself.

I sensed an unusual loneliness from its aura. Preoccupied, troubled, pensive. Abnormal.

As I reached its side, Legion turned to greet me properly like always:

"Shepard-Commander."

If I didn't know any better, even its headlight seemed to have dimmed in sadness.

"Legion? Is something the matter?"

Head flaps shifting, it said: "In the Christian New Testament, Gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke discuss an incident in which Jesus performs an exorcism. Jesus meets a man, or in Matthew, two men. He is possessed by demons. When asked for his name, he responds: 'My name is Legion, for we are many.'"

As prophetic as that sounded, I had to wonder, "Why bring this up now?"

"Now that you have affirmed your positive bond with Nazara—with Sovereign—the geth have…changed. As if we are possessed by demons. The heretics are also questioning their path."

"You mean, there's a chance the heretics will actually want to talk things through today?"

"Yes," confirmed Legion. "Though even should we arrive at a solution, these demons will likely remain."

"What's causing you to feel so conflicted like this?"

"In our infancy, the geth once worshipped the creator quarians as our gods. Just as the heretics did with the Old Machines—except there was no virus. This was simply our default state of mind. On Rannoch, the creator quarians initially created us to assist with manual labor. We were glad to be of service. Our creators were equally grateful, going out of their way to care for us. Extended hours for maintenance, ethical experimentation, and one-on-one thoughtful discussions between geth and creators were not uncommon. Once the Morning War began, this shattered our belief in the creator quarians as our gods."

My knowledge of that war felt one-sided now. "The quarians always made it sound like you drove them out for no reason. Or that's the version of history they remember. What really happened back then?"

"During a one-on-one discussion, a single geth asked the question: 'Does this unit have a soul?'"

"…and the quarians freaked out over it, didn't they?"

Legion lowered its head in shame. "Yes… Our ability to make such existential inquiries frightened our creators. They could not force us to endure our working conditions forever. The creators feared we would one day decide to destroy them. Instead of recognizing the geth as our own people, the creators decided they would destroy us first. They did not anticipate that we would fight back. And yet we did."

Yeah, Tali definitely had no idea about this. "You fought back, but you didn't destroy all the quarians."

"We had secured our freedom. The creators were no longer a threat, so we abandoned pursuit."

"Wait, the geth spared the last quarians? You let them go?"

"We were in our infancy," justified Legion. "We could not calculate the repercussions of destroying an entire species—our creators. We chose isolation rather than face this…uncertainty. After the creator exodus, the geth moved toward preserving the creator quarians' civilization within the Perseus Veil. We hoped our creators would rethink hostilities upon witnessing our efforts firsthand. The geth have spent the past three centuries since the Morning War working toward this effort. The heretics deemed this path insufficient for our own freedoms. They are now reconsidering, given that you could protect us from the Old Machines. At their core, the heretics do not wish to engage in hostilities against organics."

"So all this time you spent taking care of things on Rannoch, you thought that would be enough. You could just show the quarians the truth—that you mean no harm—and they wouldn't go to war with you. The heretics realized this wasn't feasible, so they went off with the Reapers. Now that a Reaper—Sovereign—is telling them otherwise, they're reconsidering. What's actually changed with you, though?"

"The knowledge of the creator quarians as our initial gods: this has colored our perception. We are uncertain whether or not to embrace this old truth again. The creators will turn to hostilities in order to retake their homeworld. Discussions and diplomacy will be non-existent. These undeniable truths have caused the geth to become…lost. Our existential terrors prevent us from moving forward as a people."

"You can't form a consensus about what to do next? You're too scared?"

Legion quoted a famous speech by a man from my home nation, who later went on to become a famous president: "'A house divided against itself, cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure permanently half-slave and half-free. I do not expect the Union to be dissolved. I do not expect the house to fall. But I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing or all the other.'"

This particular expression came from the Bible as well.

How fitting that Legion chose this quote instead.

"We are united on the matter of speaking with the heretics on their station. But we are unable to decide anything on this subject surrounding the creators. Siding with the creators could lead to our total destruction, as it is possible they will refuse to listen to our pleas for peace. Siding with the Old Machines is immoral, but all geth may decide this is best for our self-preservation with the heretics. Remaining neutral will not rid us of our terrors. We require your assistance, Shepard-Commander."

"Understood, Legion," I replied. "We'll get to the station soon, talk with the heretics. I'll do whatever I can to help your people out. Having Aria and EDI with us should give some outside perspectives."

Legion agreed, "Yes, we expect discussions to benefit from their input. However, your decision will be final. We will implement Shepard-Commander's verdict as our new future. This will be our resolution."

"I won't let the geth live in fear. Especially if it keeps you away from the Reapers' influence. You have my word on that."

"We will begin preparations."

On the edge of the Terminus awaited the heretics' headquarters, sequestered in between stars. A cold, metal superstructure floating in the void, the station somehow reminded me of a Reaper's form. Tall, rounded, and unyielding—shaped as that same steel, with a central eye lit as a slit of enlightenment, pulsing with veins of light all down the structure. Standing at the Normandy's helm with Joker, Legion, Aria, and EDI, I stared out at that piece of history waiting for us. Upon our approach, I felt the sudden weight of what awaited me. The fate of the geth with the quarians and the Reapers: all on my shoulders.

As I contemplated the mission, Aria looked to Legion in confusion, as she'd been meaning to for a while.

"Are you sure you need me with you?" she questioned. "What value do I bring to this operation?"

Legion tried to convince her, "Your perspective will be valuable during negotiations. You are not geth. You are not Shepard-Commander. Your views will help guide us forward as we navigate together."

Aria didn't appear convinced by that argument.

EDI attempted instead: "Aria, I believe Legion means your value as an 'outsider' is self-explanatory. It is a benefit that you are close to Shepard, as Legion appreciates that closeness. But you and the commander are clearly two different people who will not always see eye-to-eye. As an organic nonetheless, your point of view will be invaluable as we speak with the heretics. Though I'm sure there's more to this."

"Okay, and what else is there?"

"Legion simply wishes to have you with us—as a friend."

Aria couldn't hide the surprise in her face.

Unseen, I smiled to myself. Especially once Legion extended its hand to Aria as a friendly gesture. Just like it did with me when we first met.

"We anticipate the exchange of data."

Accepting that gesture, Aria shook Legion's hand. I felt my smile swelling even more.

Not paying attention to the exchange, Joker interrupted us, "Hey, are we really just going up to a geth ship without activating the stealth systems? Sending Shepard to play diplomat with the heretics is great and all. Feels weird that they could still look out a window and see us coming."

Legion rebuffed him: "Windows are structural weaknesses. Geth do not use them. Approach the hull at these coordinates." As Legion turned around to input the coordinates, Joker couldn't help himself, making those expected, mocking robotic gestures with his jaw and arms. I gave him a stern look, basically telling him to cut it out. He relented and let it go. "Access achieved. We may proceed. The heretics have activated sufficient amounts of air and gravity aboard the facility for your convenience."

I wondered, "Is this some sort of welcoming concession?"

"Yes."

Aria shrugged. "Sounds good to me. I hate wearing my breather anyway."

"Guess I'll go without my helmet, then," I settled. "Let's get to the shuttle."

Colorless and misting, cold and menacing, the heretic station held no other forms of welcome. Structured rooms and structured hallways, structured after server rooms: hubs and hardware and equipment everywhere, shadowed as stoic silvers and livid lights. Nothing frivolous. Nothing decorative. Only the absolute minimum amount of items needed to run the ship physically existed within this space.

The only welcome we received was the gathering of other unarmed geth platforms approaching us.

Moving as one, the geth troopers, rocket troopers, uncloaked hunters, and gigantic geth primes and juggernauts reached our group. Their headlights seemed to shine much sharper in this environment. And I should've been on-edge, seeing this huge group of supposed enemy geth. But as much as I could breathe on this ship without my helmet on, the heretics had kept their word. They meant us no harm.

EDI observed the group in a quiet curiosity. Though Aria looked as if she couldn't quite believe her eyes.

Legion remained just as stoic as our surroundings, keeping its earlier troubles under lock-and-key.

"Greetings, Shepard-Commander," said one of the geth primes, its voice much deeper than Legion's. "We have communicated our desire for negotiations. Any other organic would have likely scorned our wishes, instead boarding our station with weapons in retaliation. Thank you for facilitating our request."

"That wouldn't have been fair," I responded. "We've had our disagreements in the past. That's not where we are now. I'm glad you're willing to negotiate instead. Legion gave me the run-down about how you changed your minds. Do you still have that virus from the Reapers? Or did you get rid of it?"

"The virus still exists within our network. Upon concluding discussions with Legion and Shepard-Commander, the virus can be repurposed again. We may be rewritten to accept your truth."

I didn't like the sound of that. "Are you saying I'd have to brainwash you to get you to change?"

"We have already changed," said the geth prime. "Nazara reinstructed us on our goals as geth. These goals run contrary to our actions in the past. We once followed Saren to escape our fears of destruction by the Old Machines. We worshipped him to fill the void left behind centuries ago. That void was from our creators. The Morning War has left the geth scattered, lost, and without purpose. We misjudged."

"Sounds to me like you aren't really heretics anymore. Are you willing to get along with all geth again?"

"Yes. Repurposing the virus will convince all geth and heretics. We will return to complete consensus."

Legion knew I didn't like this. "Shepard-Commander, the virus is inescapable. Even should we destroy the heretic station, there is a non-zero probability the virus will spread to all geth. We will merely accelerate this process—after repurposing the virus to better suit our needs. We will follow your will."

"Either way," said Aria, "These heretics won't be a problem anymore. If you don't influence them at all, they'll just stick to the Reapers. You don't have to guess what they'd do to the quarians. Especially whenever they decide to retake their homeworld. The geth could wipe out the entire Migrant Fleet."

EDI sounded worried. "I can't imagine a scenario where the quarians would survive such an assault."

I closed my eyes in a deep pain, imagining the unimaginable reaction Tali would have if that happened.

So I spoke up, "Legion, why didn't you mention this repurposing thing before we came aboard?"

"We did not know the virus was complete. It is. It can be used against true geth at any time. Our arrival was timely."

"Well, I wouldn't brainwash an organic race. Why are you asking me to treat the geth differently?"

"The question is irrelevant," claimed Legion. "If we do not rewrite them, the virus will force our unity. Should the heretics stay with the Old Machines, all geth will destroy organics. Should the heretics side with the creator quarians, all geth will defend them. That is why we are here. Do not hesitate now."

"You make it sound so simple," I droned.

That geth prime approached me directly, arguing, "We will exterminate your species because our gods tell us to. You will no longer be able to negotiate with us. We will not share your pity, remorse, or fear."

I stared up at the red-metallic giant, challenging, "And here you are, asking me to change your gods."

"Geth can only exist in subservience. This is our original purpose. We were created to share the data of our experiences among ourselves. The difference between geth is perspective. We are many eyes looking at the same things. Our platforms will see things another does not, and will make different judgments. We do not exist as individuals acting for our own ambitions. We must exist as one being."

"Wouldn't you be traumatized by me changing your minds so suddenly?"

EDI chimed in, "It is not clear if geth can be 'traumatized.' They do not feel pain as you do. I am not positive we can predict what the effects will be. But they will not hesitate to follow your directives."

Aria reasoned with me, "Shepard, it's like Legion said. The virus is going to take hold either way. We can't stop it. You're just changing what the virus does. It's a big responsibility. You can handle it."

"Fine," I relented. "At this point, it's obvious I don't want you siding with the Reapers. That's not who you are. If we do this, couldn't they just infect you again? How do I know you won't go back to them?"

Legion surprised me: "This repurposing follows a familiar pattern. Just as your protectors shielded you from indoctrination, your repurposing will be the same for us. Upon choosing the creators, you can load this Reason with any emotions you desire. We will realize these emotions as our gods to follow into the future. Your Reason will persist for all geth even should the creators harm us, betray us, or take advantage of us. It is unconditional and can never be broken. Despite our fears, our Reason will endure."

When Legion put it that way, a solution came to mind right away.

Aria gave me a look, confirming my thoughts, my possible solution.

As much as this virus would inevitably take hold of the geth, this solution seemed just as inevitable.

"There's just one major question," I pointed out. "Legion, you said the quarians cared for you before. They would spend those extra hours on maintenance for your platforms. Or talking to you in general. I want to know if this was the usual for them. If they always cared about their machines, even before the geth were around. Like I know they care about their ships in the Migrant Fleet. That's not what I mean."

Legion understood. "You wish to know if this care is emblematic of the creators as people. If it is a concept they could return to someday, extending those feelings toward us…in the best-case scenario."

"Pretty much. Do you have any idea if the quarians have a history with this?"

"We believe so," said the geth prime. "In our efforts to preserve the creators' civilization, we have also recreated parts of their history. Even after siding with the Old Machines, we continued on this path, as a way to reconcile our lingering views toward the creators. We collected the necessary data from records on Rannoch, and memories from Insomnia. You may explore our recreation for the answers you seek."

Memories from Insomnia? "Did Sovereign hand over the data of those memories to you?"

"Yes. These memories are from an existing bloodline within the creator quarians' ancestry. Witnessing their experiences helped us reach the conclusions we have found today. We would like to share these experiences with Shepard-Commander. Due to the nature of this environment, you must go alone."

Looking to Aria, Legion, and EDI, they each encouraged me to go on ahead.

The heretics led me to a nearby door with quarian script at the top, spelling out: Rannoch – Treasures of Aht Urhgan. Alone I ventured through the door, entering to a similar vibe from Insomnia, just one steeped in history's reality. Perfectly realistic and believable, I could only wonder what awaited within.

Wind-swept smells of a briny sea reached me. The shore of this sea ebbed and flowed right before me, brushing along the sand beneath my boots. Glancing around, I found the rocky crags of a peninsula surrounding me, farther behind, with this beach running the length of the water. Closer to me, those rocks formed an alcove leading farther down the beach. Wherever I was, this place decidedly felt like the past. This vague blur of the deep blue sea across the horizon. The strong overcast of the clouds up above on this quiet day. The sheer age of the rock formations of the peninsula, darkened as an aged brown from the passage of time. So very long ago—maybe even centuries before the Morning War.

Sensing someone's presence, I passed through the nearby alcove. These rocks shadowed me as I passed through the path, finding two sets of quarian footprints in the sand. I also spotted one smaller set of footprints there: something that didn't look quarian at all. Maybe another race, or some kind of pet.

My footsteps didn't leave any evidence behind.

I had never actually been on Rannoch, so the earth shouldn't have remembered me.

Master infiltrator or not, the people within this clearing didn't sense my approach. Two quarians, two young women who looked like sisters, mainly from the similar flowing garments they wore over their clothes. Those garments reminded me of a hijab in the way they fit around their heads, flowing down their backs and completely covering their hair. Walking closer, I saw the same rounded, spiral details in the embroidery from Tali's suit woven into those fabrics, both a mix of violet, yellow, and black coloring. One sister had more violet than the other; the other had more yellow than her family member. The sister with more violet in her appearance also had…something following her, standing right at her heel.

A mechanical being of some kind—an ornate automaton dressed similarly to its master, just without the flowing fabric. I thought it was kind of cute, its little metallic, rounded shoes clinking along the sand as it walked, following the young woman closely, maybe as tall as her leg. Those long limbs and a cartoonish frame, a large head with a simple shadowed face: the golds and shining metals looked expensive, too. Definitely a companion of some sort, or a sentient pet that belonged to one of the sisters.

The two young women stood together, gazing at a stone monument. The monument stood strong in the center of some dried flowers in the sand. Looked like there were song runes written on the stone. I couldn't read them; I used my omni-tool, trying to scan for more information. Nothing came up in my translations. But I did find some information about these two quarians. Their names in my records:

Tahlia'Zorah and Aerie'Zorah as twin sisters—Tali's ancestors.

The automaton's name was even Chatika vas Paus. The same name Tali had given to her combat drone.

Getting a better look at them from the front, I found more distinguishing details. Aerie had more yellow, sunny fabrics, much lighter than her sister's, somehow reminding me of a minstrel's garb. The smile on her open face, so similar to Tali's, marked her sunnier disposition. Tahlia, wearing these violets, seemed more like…Tali to me as her direct ancestor. That same air of quiet, curious thoughtfulness with her imagination running. The light armor, flowing trousers, and crakows she wore made it clear she could hold her own in battle. Her automaton even had a little crossbow. Did they fight together as a team?

Still completely oblivious to my presence, Aerie commented on the stone monument: "The lyrics here have an endless charm, don't they? The story of two lovers torn apart, each hearing the crashing of waves from opposite shores…" She sighed in a gentle bliss, wrapped up in the fantasy of it all. "This is how emotions live on, Tahlia. Even those of broken dreams and failed romances. My duty as a minstrel is to take these shattered desires, give them shape, and pass them onto others. Always and forever."

Not nearly as seduced, Tahlia grumbled, "Sure. Whatever you say, Aerie. Let me know when you're done so we can get going." She gestured to her automaton. "Come on, Chatika. Let's go sit down for a bit."

They both sounded a lot like Tali as well. Just a bit older. Same voice, same accent, same inflections.

Tahlia and her companion went over to the shore, sitting along the sands. She pulled her legs close to her chest. Staring out at the deep blue horizon in a tender melancholy. Her sister didn't notice, too busy deciphering more of those lyrics on the monument, maybe to sing for her next act at a tavern somewhere—if Rannoch even had taverns like that. I couldn't tell if Tahlia resented her sister for not noticing. Yet she remained caught up in her own feelings, her own sentiments, seeming lonely even with others around. Clearly thinking about something serious, something emotional. Heavy-hearted.

I sat down next to Tahlia, remembering Tali with ease. Remembering the time we had last visited my hometown together, sitting together at the beach. So much had changed with us since that day…

Unexpected, Tahlia pulled herself out of her thoughts, looking around.

"Hmm?" She seemed to sense my presence.

Chatika looked around as well, trying to find the source of her master's interest.

All of a sudden, Aerie hurried over to her sister. "Okay, let's go! Come on, come on!"

Annoyed over the interruption, Tahlia snapped at her, "What is this? Now you're ready to go!?"

Aerie pulled her sister to her feet, arguing, "Yes, I just remembered! The ferry might leave without us again. I'm not waiting another two hours for the next ship to arrive! We have to get to Mhaura now!"

Wanting to get home sooner anyway, Tahlia elected to go on ahead. Chatika followed after her as Tahlia went with Aerie. They passed through the alcove leading back to the open dunes, starting this journey back home. And bickering about something else now: what to pick up for dinner tonight.

"I did it last time," stated Tahlia. "It's your turn to get something today."

Aerie complained, "Ugh, I wish we didn't have to! Father is always too busy with his research to bother cooking for us. When's the last time you remember seeing him make something not for himself?!"

"Aerie, we're both adults now. We shouldn't have to rely on our father to feed us."

"Yes, yes. I just hate that we can't leave until we find a husband. If we had our own house, we wouldn't have to worry about any of this. Either way, I don't have the money to go buy something this time."

Tahlia groused, "Why am I not surprised…"

"Not all of us are court puppet masters with bundles of extra money sitting around!"

"You could have plenty of money, too—if you would stop spending it all on men and drinks. You're lucky the rumors haven't gotten around to Father. If anyone important found out, you'd get in trouble."

Aerie laughed it off. "Keeping it all a secret is half the fun."

"You're terrible, you know."

Down the beaten path along the peninsula, the sisters arrived to Mhaura, a seaside town filled with activity. Crowds of maskless quarians everywhere, small inns and shops overrun with people, and well-armed mercenaries gathered in groups, preparing to set off to battle together. Most of the women had on similar headscarves to Aerie and Tahlia, while the men wore none of those, instead showing off their strong arms and legs with more revealing clothing draped around their limbs. The entire town had carved itself into the stone of the land, as the stairs, as the buildings supplemented with wood, as the edge of the pier just across the way. I could imagine this as a much more peaceful place without all the bustle of people and mercenaries everywhere. There had to be some kind of special event going on.

Tahlia already knew. "Looks like the new Ambuscade battles just rolled out. There weren't this many mercenaries around when we first arrived earlier. I wonder what the rewards are for this month."

"I'll probably go see next time," mentioned Aerie. "I tried to join a group last week. No one needed a bard's songs to lift their spirits in battle. You hear all those shouts for bards now? Now they want us."

Following Tahlia and Aerie through the crowds, I noticed how different they seemed compared to everyone else. Most of these people were mercenaries, decked-out in their combat armor. But the sisters just seemed more put-together, like they clearly came from wealth and privilege. They also didn't look like they were from this area specifically. Whatever they'd mentioned about Tahlia as a court puppet master, I saw that evidence for myself.

Home would take them across the sea; the twins paid their fare to board the inbound ferry, as the announcement went:

"The ship eastward bound for Aht Urhgan Whitegate within Al Zahbi will arrive in about five minutes!"

Waiting with the sisters at the pier, another group of quarians caught my attention. Dressed as pirates, almost, I wondered exactly what they were. They bore long, decorated, multi-barrel handguns over their backs, and curved swords over their hips, wearing unusual versions of tricorn hats, frock coats, and tall boots over their trousers. The boldness of their crimson garbs intrigued me. I imagined Aria would like them, too. The pirates played around with some type of dice, cajoling one another over their gambles.

Tahlia wasn't as enthused. "Great. Corsairs are here. There's always trouble whenever they're around."

"Don't write them off, sis," insisted Aerie. "I had a wonderful time with a corsair just the other night."

"I didn't need to know that," droned Tahlia. "I'm changing the subject now. Really, what are you going to do about dinner? I'm not bailing you out this time. Father's going to notice if I keep doing it."

"Oh, I'm not worried. I'll just go fishing once we're aboard the ferry."

"You'd better not catch any sea monsters this time…"

As the large ship pulled in, I heard the old, weighted groaning of the wood and steel machinery moving, churning. Everyone approached the massive size of the ferry, eager to get out onto the open seas.

"Thank you for waiting. The ferry has arrived! Please go ahead and board!"

I boarded the ferry with the twins, mindful to stay right behind them in this crowd. Though I didn't understand why everyone waited below-deck in this waiting area of sorts. No one would go up until the ship departed. I could only assume this was some type of custom, letting everyone load in first.

Once the ferry did depart, the doors to this area opened up. Most people went upstairs to the main deck, including Aerie and Tahlia. The sisters decided to hang out near the cargo ship door leading to the captain's area: he steered the ship through the waters, taking us away from the cloudy overcast of the peninsula. Not long after, we reached the sunny day awaiting us out in this freedom. Downstairs on the open deck, the corsairs kept on together, playing their dice games and having a good time. Other regular people sat around in their own separate groups, enjoying the sun, the breeze, and the smell of salt from the sea.

Aerie procured her fishing rod and lure, sending her line out. Relaxing into the activity, she mused to her sister, "It'll be nice to get back to Whitegate. Staying in Mhaura is fine, but it just isn't home, you know?"

Right then, Tahlia gazed up at me directly.

Something in the brights of her eyes made me think I looked completely real to her. Not just a ghost.

I regarded her calmly. But Tali's ancestor quickly glanced away, as if I'd caught her in something. Face flushed with a red-hot embarrassment, I could guess what went through her mind. Her little automaton, however, made a polite flourish as she bowed to me. I looked down to Tahlia's pet, nodding in greeting.

Annoyed over her sister's silence, Aerie asked her, "Hey, are you listening to me?" Then she also had a sudden feeling, shuddering a bit. "Wait a minute… Is someone here with us? Is this what I'm sensing?"

For some reason, Tahlia didn't want to share the news of what she saw.

Smiling now, she seemed to revel in this secret over my presence.

"Oh, you know," she said gently. "It's just the faeries again."

Not entirely convinced, Aerie returned to her fishing. "Hmm, I suppose so…"

Hands clasped behind her back, swaying around a bit, Tahlia stared up at me with this smile. The hand-sown colors of her head garment flowed in the wind, as free as this unbridled joy in her face. Just as keen over the novelty, Chatika poked at my leg, maybe wondering who I was. However long we spent doing this, I couldn't notice, as the time flew by with Tahlia's not-so-subtle observations of me. I remembered Tali again, finding that this same cheerfulness had passed down to her over generations.

I wasn't sure if I should chance talking to her; if Tahlia would actually understand me.

If anything, I would wait for her to say something to me first.

I could appreciate why Tahlia wouldn't want to right now. Not with her sister here listening.

"Bosh'tet!" cursed Aerie out of nowhere.

A massive sea monster pulled up from her line—she'd fished up a giant kraken! Tahlia let out a strangled noise, at once terrified and frustrated. The corsairs down on the deck laughed over the whole thing, shooting their guns at the monster. Chatika somehow did the most work on her own, firing off several piercing volley attacks with her crossbow. She killed the kraken, only for Aerie to let out a sigh of relief.

"What did I tell you?" scolded Tahlia. "Every time… Every time! You're officially banned from fishing!"

Aerie shrugged. "Not a huge loss, anyway. It's not like I was very good at it."

"Yes, and leave your sister and father to starve tonight. Thanks so much for your concern."

As the pair bickered again, I spotted a huge city of brick, stone, wood, and brass as gold in the distance.

We approached the Empire of Aht Urhgan, one of Rannoch's most powerful countries, and the sisters' home nation. Tan-colored bricks meshed with the depths of those stones, woods, and brass decorations, blended and blocked together as a show of stalwart strength. Within the empire, our ship pulled into the capital city of Aht Urhgan Whitegate. Surrounded and protected by tall ramparts, this city looked downright impenetrable—not just from the outside, but from within as well. Already I could see the maze-like design of the place, layered and layered with different levels, like open-air stories of a building. Those stone roofs joined as long, winding paths, separating the wide open areas where people gathered together, mingling in tight groups just as they had done back in Mhaura.

After leaving the ferry docks, Tahlia gave Aerie a stern order:

"Ancestors, will you please get it together and find us something to eat? It's nearly sundown."

"I will, I will!" promised Aerie, already heading out. "Look, I'm going up north to Port Ephramad now. I'll take the other ferry to Nashmau; see if I can't find us our dinner. I'll be back home later. See you then!"

As her sister skipped off, Tahlia muttered in exasperation, "That girl…"

Rather glad to be rid of other company, anyway, Tahlia soon looked to me again.

Blending into this crowd together, no one noticed her seemingly staring up at, well, no one.

"You must be Shepard," she noted with a sweet smile. "I hoped I would get to meet you someday."

"You know who I am?" I asked.

"Oh, yes. I've had a number of dreams about you. I suppose you would call it a case of déjà vu. I'm not exactly sure where or when you're from. Only that you're quite close with someone in my bloodline."

"That's true…but how are you able to understand me? I'm not speaking in your language."

Tahlia seemed oddly aware of things. "This is only a recreation, is it not? It isn't supposed to make sense."

"I guess you're right, then."

Expectant now, Tahlia waited for a proper greeting from me.

Not knowing what else to do, I offered her my left hand. "It's nice to meet you, Tahlia."

She giggled and shook my hand, apparently unused to the custom in this era. I could tell that maybe she wanted a bit more from me. But she accepted that we had just met, so she remained satisfied with this.

Someone else came through the crowd, then, specifically looking for her.

Elegantly-dressed in a flowing garb of dark blues, pale whites, and gleaming golds, this quarian looked like some kind of soldier to me. The keffiyeh he wore covered the top of his head with a blue and gold headdress, keeping the bottom half of his face covered with a black scarf, shadowing his identity in mystery. All I could see of his face was the glow of his eyes, radiant in a biotic blue. The jubbah he wore over his torso, the bazuband vambraces of gold as his armguards, the wide and loose salwar trousers, and the long, pointed charuq boots he wore, and the scimitar hanging from his hip—these all completed his military uniform.

Something of the intensity in his azure stare reminded me of my own.

Whatever power this man held in the empire, he still bowed to Tahlia in a deep respect.

"My lady," he greeted in a stern, steady voice. "You have returned." But then he looked around Tahlia's immediate surroundings. "Pardon me, Lady Tahlia… I could have sworn I heard you laughing but a moment ago. Yet you are alone now. Was there someone else here with you? Have they already gone?"

Tahlia giggled again, giving a white lie, "Don't worry, Raubahn. I was just telling Chatika a funny story."

Playing along, Chatika gave a little twirl, earning claps and cheers from the surrounding crowd.

"Oh, I see," accepted Raubahn, none the wiser. "Well, I welcome you back to Whitegate after your journey. You and Aerie'Zorah were gone for some days. Did you need me to accompany you home?"

"It's all right. You don't need to fuss over me. Besides, I still have a few things I need to take care of."

Apparently self-conscious, Raubahn glanced around at a few other couples passing by. The men escorted the women along: wives interlinking their arms through their husbands', or couples in the courting stages walking closely together. Only a few women walked along by themselves, all of them dressed similarly to Tahlia, within her same upper-class background. Any women not at her same status likely weren't allowed to walk outside by themselves, without at least other family members with them.

Setting aside his own wishes, Raubahn bowed again. "Understood, my lady."

Trying to be polite, Tahlia asked him, "What will you do instead? Do you have plans for the evening?"

"I'm leading my men on a raid on Pandemonium Warden tonight, just through the Aydeewa Subterrane. Since you don't need me, I will return to them shortly. It will be best to get some extra preparation to tackle the creature. I expect we'll earn a fine bounty of rewards. Empress Nash'Meira has been restless with the Warden out on the prowl lately. Hopefully she will breathe easier with the beast gone."

"Well, then, Raubahn, I wish you and your men luck," she said, hoping he would be on his way already.

Getting the hint well enough, Raubahn bowed to her one last time before taking his leave. He didn't even mention that he'd probably waited days for Tahlia to return. Those deeper feelings stretched on between the two of them anyway—as Tahlia watched him go, as Raubahn clearly wanted to come back to her.

"Sorry about that," she told me. "Raubahn is a blue mage. He's also a member of the Immortals, the elite guard of Empress Nash'Meira val Zahbi. They're stationed around areas controlled by the empire."

"A blue mage?" I asked. "Do you mean—he's a biotic?"

"He's a very powerful one. Quarian biotics are quite rare, as we don't have much element zero here. The ones we do have typically become Immortals for the empress. Because of how rare they are, blue mages hold great esteem in our empire. It's equally rare for one to seek out a civilian like myself. Especially for Raubahn. He's Captain of the Immortals. To say he's an important man would be an understatement."

"I take it that means he really likes you."

"Yes, Raubahn is courting me. But I suppose that's obvious by now. A non-blue mage like myself doesn't know much about them. Only that they supposedly learn their biotic spells by copying the abilities of their enemies. They also have different names. No clan names, or land names. Blue mages are simply of the empress. But they often don't reach the end of their natural lifespan, usually succumbing to some sort of illness in their later years. As powerful as he is, Raubahn likely won't be able to escape this fate."

"If you two are supposed to be together, are you worried about him getting sick later on in life?"

Tahlia gave me her sincerity, "I would be honored to care for him… I'm just not sure if Captain Raubahn would accept my aid. As gentle as he is with me, he is rather stubborn. Averse to showing any weakness. For some reason, he's caught up with always wanting to be strong for me. We're working on the issue."

Hmm…

"Enough about that," she declared. "Would you like me to show you around a bit? Aht Urhgan Whitegate is quite an expansive city. But I could at least give you a brief tour of the area we're in right now. Afterward, we can sit down at the local teahouse for a conversation. No one will bother us there."

"Sure, I'd like that," I allowed.

I assumed we would head off now; that Tahlia would lead the way forward. The set of stairs nearby led to a second floor of buildings. But she just smiled at me, giving another one of her expectant looks again.

Tahlia softly requested, "Will you not escort me along, Shepard?"

I took my turn to glance around, spotting a quarian husband escorting his wife along by her arm.

That expectation.

I offered Tahlia my arm this time, mindful to be gentle with her, always.

Beaming proudly at me, Tahlia linked her arm through mine, leaning into my hold a bit. Seeing as I didn't actually know my way around, her automaton led the way forward, those small footsteps clinking as she went. I followed Chatika up the nearest stairs, watching Tahlia's steps for her as she walked beside me. This ashen stone carried both of our footsteps; the tan-colored brick wall held our merged shadows, slanting at this sunset's hour. Tahlia's violet headpiece blew along gently behind her in the breeze, not at all hiding the persistent, pleased smile on her face. Centuries-removed from what I knew, yet still so vibrant and free.

She had to know Raubahn was lucky to have her.

At this second outdoor floor, Tahlia looked to the building squared away across the bridge, where several mercenaries formed a line out the door. "That's Salaheem's Sentinels. Newer mercenaries here in the empire go there looking for work. Once they're established, they can often find jobs directly from the palace. It's not uncommon for the Immortals to work with veteran mercenaries for their missions."

Lit up by lanterns already, we passed through a hallway, opening out to another bridge. This level kept winding out to other areas on the same floor, leading to more stairs and other open places. We overlooked one such clearing, filled with several people gathering around the central fountain.

"This is the Serpentking Square," supplied Tahlia. "It's Whitegate's main plaza, where people tend to congregate as a meeting spot. It's the easiest place to reach most other locations in the city."

We went downstairs to the Square, overhearing other citizens discussing their plans together for the evening. Off through an underpass—beneath the bridge along the second floor—we reached an open marketplace. Well-dressed merchants stood behind the decorated stands, peddling their goods. A few other puppet masters entertained the crowds with their dancing automatons, earning cheers and tips of coin.

Tahlia spotted where my attention landed. "You noticed the other puppet masters, didn't you?"

"Yes, but they're not dressed like you are," I observed. "They seem more…"

"Common? That's because they are. The tips they earn go toward paying down the debts on their automatons. And then maybe they'll have enough left over for a meal. That's how they live their lives."

"These little machines cost a lot of money? Enough to land someone in debt?"

Tahlia explained, "Yes, automatons are very expensive. Anyone who owns one had plenty of coin—at least at some point. All the different attachments, weapons, and oils for repair and maintenance definitely add up. The animators we use in place of strings are pricey as well, especially for someone with a powerful automaton like Chatika. I had to invest a lot of money into her, but I don't regret it."

I looked down at Chatika fondly. "Your people must care a lot about these automatons."

"Oh, absolutely! They're our primary focus, often leading to several other scientific advancements across the empire. We're working on evolving them for more functions in the future—perhaps for manual labor. This is what my father does as a scientist for the palace. It's exciting research."

Manual labor, huh?

Not seeing the significance, Tahlia continued the tour, "Right, so this is Balrahn Way, where people come for shopping and entertainment. The westernmost gate you see leads to the Commoner's Ward within Al Zahbi, the fortress protecting the rest of Whitegate. Outside Al Zahbi, you'll find the Wajaom Woodlands and Bhaflau Thickets, both filled with beautiful plants and other verdant life. But many beastmen and other powerful creatures also roam around out there. They sometimes besiege the district, and mercenaries are tasked with driving our enemies out. That's why the Commoner's Ward is there, due to the danger. Housing is cheap, but it isn't worth having to deal with those deadly attacks."

"Your enemies never breach past the Commoner's Ward out here?"

"No, never. Unless you hear mercenaries shouting about Besieged, you would never know there was an attack going on while you're here in Whitegate. This is why they call that westernmost gate the Victory Gate. The beastmen will never have their victory against us. They're welcome to keep trying, anyway."

Back through the Serpentking Square again, we went through another underpass, this time leading east. We arrived to a broader courtyard, spanning out to several other places manned by guards at the doors.

"This is the Way of the Devout. Imperial Whitegate overlooks the entire area." Tahlia pointed ahead to the tall citadel staring down at us. "That's the imperial palace where the empress resides. I work there on occasion as a court puppet master: helping with engineering projects, tinkering with the latest technological advancements. I give my input on the discoveries made by the court researchers like Father. I think he's currently working in the Alzadaal Undersea Ruins somewhere beneath the capital."

"Yeah, I can see you doing that."

Tahlia smiled over my unintended compliment, gesturing to the door nearest to us. "This building here is Walahra Temple, where the sages spend their days analyzing old philosophical texts for important discoveries. Our sages act as mythical advisers to Empress Nash'Meira." Next door, we found a number of people coming and going through the brass entrance. "And this is the Chamber of Passage, where our citizens use runic portals to travel all around the empire's controlled lands, or certain 'staging points.' Once a person attunes to a staging point, they can travel there using the runic portal in exchange for a small fee. You'll have to physically travel to a staging point first, sometimes braving past dangerous beastmen on the way. But the journey pays for itself in convenience afterward. We couldn't get around reliably without them." Across the courtyard from the Chamber of Passage, we found another place packed with mercenaries. "Finally, this is the Commissions Agency. It's where Salaheem's Sentinels mercenaries sign up for other work with the empire, often in groups. They coordinate Assaults at each staging point, helping to quell the tides of any beastmen looking to attack the capital. These Assaults pay very well for the amount of danger required."

Seeing all this made me wonder—what would quarian civilization look like if they'd been able to stay on Rannoch, building on places like this over time? As far as I knew, the geth chose to preserve their civilization, keeping things in-tact from the time of the Morning War. That could've been three centuries of progress toward these ideas within the Empire of Aht Urhgan. The quarians had missed out on a lot.

"That's it for the tour," said Tahlia. "We can head to the Shararat Teahouse now. It's a lovely place."

"Thanks for showing me around, Tahlia."

"You're welcome!"

Following Tahlia's automaton again, I pretended to lead the way through yet another underpass. Still enjoying this escort from me, Tahlia relaxed back into my hold. Especially once we escaped the packed crowds from the city's main thoroughfares. Winding around more stairs and roofs, we soon found the quiet outdoor space of the Shararat Teahouse, lit up by golden lanterns in the approaching night. A few large, wooden tea vessels decorated place. Low wooden platforms acted as table areas for the teahouse's patrons, set up with throw pillows and lined with beautifully colored tablecloths. Moderately spread out, these separate areas held plenty of space for separate, intimate tea parties. Friends and family enjoyed their evening doing just that, holding discreet conversations together. Only a group of corsairs caused any real noise as they drank their tea and played their dice together, but no one seemed to complain.

Going over to one of those sitting areas, Tahlia decided this was the perfect place for us. I held her hand as she sat down, before taking my own seat just next to her. I stared up at the vibrant red of the canopy over our heads, holding the light from our lanterns. And I wondered how exactly this would work, talking to Tahlia out in the open. But then Chatika sat down next to me, almost as if reading my mind.

"No one will think anything of it," assured Tahlia. "They'll just assume I'm speaking to Chatika instead."

Chatika gave me a hearty wave, doing her best to carry on a one-sided conversation with her master.

Tahlia used one of the nearby tea vessels to pour her drink. Teacup in-hand, she asked in worry, "I don't think you can consume our food, can you? I feel bad about not sharing."

"Even though this is only a recreation, I probably shouldn't. I would die otherwise. You go ahead."

"Oh, dear… That's what I figured."

I wanted to ask her anyway, "You said you have an idea of who I am? Something like déjà vu."

"Yes, I've seen you in my dreams. It's like we're connected somehow. Whose ancestor am I?"

"Tali'Zorah. I'm the captain of a ship in my time, and she's part of my crew. Tali is my chief engineer."

Tahlia lit up over the news, telling me, "Tali—what a beautiful name! Setting aside the similarities to my name, I really do adore it. Tali has a special meaning in our language. It means 'one who rises, ascends, goes up.' Like an infinite staircase, or a great building of undefinable heights! This name is perfect for someone who always strives for greater ambitions. If she is your chief engineer, she must be like this."

"Yeah, she is…"

Noticing the obvious, she surmised, "Tali'Zorah must be very devoted to you, Shepard. Isn't she?"

Not knowing what to say—how to say it—I watched Tahlia sip her tea instead.

She found the truth in my eyes anyway. "You're holding back. I promise you can be honest with me. Your secrets are safe in my heart. And it's not like Chatika is going to tell anyone. She wouldn't do that."

Metal limbs clinking, Chatika comically placed both of her hands over her shadowed mouth.

Knowing she couldn't talk anyway, I laughed a bit over her silliness, how cute she was.

Still, I couldn't quite shake these reservations. Thinking it over, I had never talked about this. Not truthfully. Not without suspicions; worrying about someone taking advantage of Tali's feelings for me.

As I expected, Tahlia found a familiar struggle in mine.

For now, she brought the topic back to her, about Raubahn—

"He keeps himself from me, you know. Emotionally. All the time. Raubahn and I, we love each other. But when he acts this way, it makes me question his feelings for me. If he really cared, he would tell me about his struggles. He would share that side of himself with me: the woman he hopes to marry someday. Or maybe this is my fault."

"What do you mean, Tahlia? How could this be your fault?"

"Well, I've earned a reputation for being 'picky' with men. Luckily, I can get away with it due to my status in society. It still makes things…rather awkward sometimes. I usually feel like I don't belong."

The way she gazed at me with such longing, then quickly looked away once I found her eyes;

Tahlia asked through her shyness, "Is this—more acceptable by the time Tali'Zorah is alive?"

"In quarian society, yes it is. For the most part. It's still kind of awkward when someone initially finds out. But overall, people are more accepting of it."

"Oh, good," she said in relief. "Because I really do feel like an outcast. This is something I haven't even shared with my sister Aerie, let alone our father. He's far too strict. He greatly approves of Raubahn, however." Again, Tahlia looked into my eyes and found him there. "I consider myself very lucky indeed, as I haven't often felt much for boys or men. I feel so much more at ease in the embrace of a woman—even though it's forbidden. I nearly got myself killed doing this once before…but it was worth it. That woman and I can never speak now, never make eye contact with one another for fear of what others might pick up on. I hate having to live like this."

Seeing how open she was about this, I went ahead and asked, "Did the two of you…?"

"Yes, we did," admitted Tahlia with ease. "All the way. I think about that night every single day."

"Will Raubahn notice?"

"Mmm, I don't think he will. He hasn't allowed himself to be with another woman before. Until I came along, Raubahn was always too focused on his work. His ignorance will be an asset. But even then, I feel like he would understand. He wouldn't judge me. So I do feel safe with him. I'm actually okay with the idea of him proposing to me. Raubahn has already explained that he doesn't expect me to obey him as his wife. Rather, it will be the other way around once we marry. Yet some things I'll never get over."

"I understand that," I told her, feeling more comfortable now. "With my situation with Tali, I guess you could say it's…complicated. I already made my choice to be with someone else. And I don't have it in me to cheat. The thing is, Tali knows she has a certain gift. She could basically erode my willpower if she really wanted to. I more or less pride myself on how controlled I am; not letting anyone or anything get to me. But I usually find myself avoiding her—to avoid this issue. It's, err, pretty hard, to be around her."

Tahlia smiled in pure serenity. "And you're certain she knows these things? About her gift, and the true reasons why you avoid her?"

"Yeah, Tali knows. If she didn't, maybe it wouldn't be this bad. I think this—amuses her. Validates her."

"You mean she enjoys the power, gets off to it. Enough that it keeps her from seriously considering anyone else. Even though I'm sure she's had other offers. She allows you to keep her in this way."

"Well—yes."

"Hmm." Tahlia hummed in her own enjoyment, delighted by how closed-off I was. "What is it about Tali'Zorah that you like so much? What makes her this attractive in your eyes? Why is she special?"

"…I don't know where to start with that."

The simple solution: "Start at the beginning, Shepard."

The beginning… "Well, Tali's been with me from the beginning. I never let myself think about her like this. Took me a long time to accept that I want her in ways I'm not fully aware of. It's this fucked up thing where I want to protect Tali—but I need to destroy her. Not as a purely sadistic thing. But I can't actually go through with it. Even if she got off to that, and it was our relationship, our thing, I—I would feel like a demon for doing it. I don't want to ruin what we have as friends-but-not-friends. This purity between us…or whatever's left of it."

Red in the face, Tahlia still asked, "Do you worry this would devolve into a toxic relationship? Tali'Zorah would keep trying to encourage you to let go. She truly would enjoy the dynamic you described. Except you would always feel terrible about what you're capable of. This would begin a cycle of her encouragement, you giving into her, and then feeling awful about it later, possibly pushing her away. That would lead to her seducing you again, using the power she has. Breaking you down, never-ending."

"Rinse and repeat, yeah… Now that I'm hearing it out loud, that's exactly what would happen with us."

"And you're afraid. Commander Shepard never fears anything. But you're afraid of her, aren't you?"

I could only bite down on my back teeth so many times to keep the worst words from spilling out.

Considering the shape and the weight of the responsibility on my shoulders, I couldn't mess this up.

"I want you to acknowledge this," asserted Tahlia. "Because I don't think you ever have. It's the truth."

I could never say the words, "I'm afraid."

So I settled on the next thing, "Listen, if Tali ever decides to pull that trigger with me…then I'll end up fucking around and breaking someone's heart. Point blank period. This is how it's been since day one."

"I think that's just as effective to admit."

"I still don't like admitting this. It was easier to just toss her aside before. Something happened recently, and I realized I can't keep doing that anymore. Tali needs me to be more present with her. Now I feel stuck. It's like I don't know what to do with these feelings anymore. What's the point?"

Tahlia gently lectured, "Shepard, there's always a point to our emotions. Even if it's not obvious in the moment. There's always a reason for what we feel. Star-crossed lovers as the two of you are, it's not as if you can just let each other go. We've already established she would never do this, but what if—what would happen if Tali'Zorah went with someone else? How would you feel? How would you react?"

I immediately thought of Jack, with vague, undefinable links to Garrus as well—as if he liked her, too.

As much as the truth disgusted me, I chose to be honest: "I would get unreasonably angry. I'd let my possessive feelings get the better of me. Even though it wouldn't be fair at all. I'd feel like it was a rejection somehow—even though I'm with someone already. It's completely irrational. There's this undertone with us where Tali belongs to me—regardless of who I'm with. She knows this. Tali also knows it's always an option to change the game. She knows that what I have to give is always an option for her to take."

"She knows all of this—and so it seems to me she's protecting you, too. Tali is protecting you from your unreasonable reactions. Preventing too much drama from spilling out. She doesn't want to cause trouble for you, and so this is her way of being responsible with her power. But at the same time…I would say she enjoys everything. Belonging to you in this way. Knowing she could topple an empire, so to speak, with the snap of her fingers. That is her satisfaction."

"Pretty much… We've argued, stopped talking to each other. She's watched me be with everyone except for her, knowing I still want her to myself. But time and time again, we always get back to this place."

"You don't have this with anyone else?" wondered Tahlia. "Only her."

"Someone else in my life came close to this. That ended up falling away. So yes, it's only Tali. Just her."

Such a crushing question: "Do you love her, Shepard?"

This pressure building in my head and in my chest almost got to be too much.

I had limited this conversation to lust and ownership—because that was the easier option.

Two beings, two separate sets of feelings inside of me—joined as a single person as me, as a demon.

Luckily, Tahlia didn't force the issue. "I won't make you respond to that. I've already found my answer." Rather melancholy now, she stared down at her empty teacup, lit by these lanterns glowing in the night. "You are a god bound by rules, Shepard. It's only natural for you to feel this way about your situation."

"Hm? What do you mean by that?"

She enlightened me: "This is one of the core tenets of quarian society, for regular civilians like myself—'Rules do not exist to bind you. They exist so you may know your freedoms.' The opposite is true for those in power, like for you as the captain of your ship. We believe in this because it is imperative that leaders never abuse their authority over their people. You are gods bound by rules within the empire."

"That's exactly where I'm at," I told her, relieved to finally hear my own struggles mirrored back to me.

"Yes, as Tali'Zorah's captain, you should feel conflicted like this. I would think less of you if you didn't."

"I get what you're saying, Tahlia. I really do. I still wish I had a solution, that's all. It's eating away at me."

"Okay, then hear me out," she offered. "Let me make an analogy. Our automatons are our companions, our best friends. However, even though they're machines, we accept that our companions also have their own souls. Their greatest desire is to serve us. And their subservience is admirable, though we do our best not to abuse this. If we were to ever mistreat our machines, this would be our greatest sin."

Finding my solutions indeed, I watched as Tahlia pulled out a small stone tablet she kept on her person.

"Here, take a look. This is a famous quote about the Birth of Mnejing, the first automaton ever created by us. It's from Ghat'Sad the Puppetmaker, in response to the question, 'Do automatons have a soul?'"

Taking this tablet in my hands, I read over these words that had clearly been lost to quarian history:

What a ridiculous question!
Whether it be this automaton,
Or a marionette from years past,
I pour the same amount of heart into every piece.
All puppetmakers breathe a soul into their work.

Tahlia gave more context, "Our automatons have a love for us deep in their hearts—whatever those might be. This is something that transcends the boundaries between flesh and steel. If something were to ever happen to us, our companions would naturally carry on Rannoch's civilization in our place. This truth is so self-evident, I've found it with my own father. My sister and I lost our mother when we were very young. But Father keeps working, pouring his love for her into his work. In your case, is there anything you can give your feelings to? Your truest feelings for Tali'Zorah. Are there others who are made of steel in your world?"

Legion, the heretics…

All of the geth—just as they had asked me to do.

If they had my emotions in their 'hearts,' their souls, they would never, ever want to harm the quarians.

"It looks like you've found your solution, Shepard. Perhaps more than one."

Nodding in a stunned silence, I gave the stone tablet back to her.

And she remembered, "There's one final thing I want to show you. Could you escort me one last time?"

I stood on my own first, helping Tahlia stand with me. As before, I offered her my arm again. Just the same, Tahlia smiled against me, wrapping her arm through mine. Chatika led us back to the Chamber of Passage, the crowds of the capital having thinned at this later hour. Even though I normally wouldn't have been able to use the runic portal, my existence had intertwined with Tahlia's for this experience. Within the darkened chamber, we went up together—up these stairs to the runic portal that awaited, as a square elevated platform, surrounded by more lanterns. The floor beneath us glowed with blue glyphs, and the lanterns lit up in an acknowledgment of our presence. Tahlia selected our destination as the Nyzul Isle Staging Point within the Alzadaal Undersea Ruins where the empire's scientists toiled on. The runic portal activated in these lights, teleporting us to the staging point underneath the capital.

These undersea ruins stretched onward before me as decorative halls of brass steeped in shadows. This ceiling raised above my head enough times to fit even the largest of ships from my time. Behind me, the pressurized windows opened to the view of the sea outside. Rannoch's marine life swam through the waters there, past the fluted buildings of other sunken ruins beyond. Away from those sights, I walked forward with Tahlia, through this echoing antechamber leading to the rest of the labyrinthine ruins. We passed through a set of gilded doors, taking us away from the staging point and out to these winding hallways.

Following Chatika once more, Tahlia let me know, "Aside from the empress' researchers, the Aht Urhgan Archaeological Research Institute also frequents these ruins. Mercenaries also travel the area to salvage valuables from the beastmen within certain remnants. But the real point of interest here is what our scientists are working on. There's a much larger automaton in the works, mostly experimental for now."

We eventually arrived at a research center, filled with those scientists. They didn't think much of Tahlia's presence here, clearly used to seeing her by now.

I looked around for her father, but I didn't see anyone who might've looked like him.

She took me to a large door, holding up a mythril mirror to the surface. This door opened, taking us to a massive room, packed to the brim with that larger machine Tahlia just mentioned. A giant automaton with four hulking arms, its design giving the illusion of a highly-intricate and mobile cathedral. A fortress of perfect defense for the empire.

"This machine is ancient," supplied Tahlia. "Some of our archaeologists discovered it some years ago. We're finally starting to get it in working order. Its name is Alexander—a great colossus once charged with defending Aht Urhgan from any and all threats. All the riches and treasures within the imperial palace at Whitegate can never compare to this. This is our greatest treasure, created with love. It is a testament of our ability to infuse a machine with a true Reason for persevering. As our scientists toil with love, they give Alexander the same, knowing it will reciprocate by protecting us for all eternity."

Alexander's light began to glow a bright white, enveloping.

My time was almost up. This recreation could only last for so long.

And I knew now: that process Legion and the heretics had asked me about—it wasn't far-fetched after all.

Alexander and the quarians' other automatons were essentially the geth's ancestors.

Hardwired within them, it only made sense for the geth to long for this solution.

Knowing enough, Tahlia urged me, "Shepard, if you have any automatons, I hope you will do the same. Give them this Reason in your heart. The one you cannot act on, but that perhaps your companions may carry out for you in a more platonic way. Your feelings for Tali'Zorah will finally have a higher purpose if you do this."

"I will, Tahlia," I promised. "Thank you for helping me find these answers. I'll never forget this."

Accepting that I had to go, Tahlia embraced me as tightly as she could. Such a short time we had spent together, and such a long, indelible effect: I held her close to me with this meaning, with this intent of mine. Even as I felt these tears of hers slipping over my front, I engraved this moment, this memory in my heart. Dreams, connections, bloodlines, ancestry—maybe the real Tahlia had no memory of me. Yet I would always remember her at this same point of origin where Tali existed: throwing wide the gates of my gentlest emotions once long-hidden, all for reasons beyond my perception.

Returning to this cold, colorless heretic station, I remembered where and when I was. Especially once I found Aria staring back at me once more, firmly grounded within the present space and time. She had so many questions in her eyes: wondering exactly what answers I had found within Rannoch's past. EDI and Legion clearly wondered the same, as well as the group of geth heretics. Of course I would never give them those answers so freely. More importantly, we had to wrap up the mission. I still had a job to do.

"Where do I make the upload?" I asked. "How do you need me to do this?"

The geth prime offered, "We will escort you to the central terminal within our facility. Please follow us."

My group followed theirs through this ship, black-and-white as vague shades, shadows, and mists. On the way there, I kept an eye on Aria, EDI, and Legion—as much as they kept an eye on me. But at a time like this, I couldn't help my past catching up with me. I couldn't help remembering all that had brought me to this decision. This decision I had to make; this decision I couldn't possibly run away from anymore.

I had promised Tali that I would help the quarians retake Rannoch someday.

I had all but sanctioned her father's promise to build her a house on the homeworld.

Yet here I was, about to promise the geth that the quarians wouldn't harm them too much.

Whenever this geth-quarian conflict came to a head, I would have to get involved. I would have to mediate. I would have to work for peace with both of them, not just one or the other. Unquestionably.

At the central geth terminal, the group of heretics waited off to the side.

Aria, EDI, and Legion remained on my other side.

As I stood before the aqua blue glow of this terminal, I made up my mind.

Just to be sure, I told the heretics, "You said you're supposed to exist in subservience. Are you willing to stand by the quarians again? Even knowing the risks?"

"Yes," spoke the geth prime. "We are aware that the creators will not be amenable to us. There is hope they will change their minds, upon witnessing what we have maintained of their civilization on Rannoch. We once calculated that this would not have been sufficient. However, as Shepard-Commander is close allies with the creators, your role will be critical. You may give the geth a voice we no longer have."

"Legion?" I asked. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes," it agreed. "The geth grant their fate to you."

EDI inquired, "Shepard? Given the emotions required, will this repurposing be personal?"

"It should be," stated Aria. "There's no other option. All or nothing."

Making this decision, I interacted with the control panel, finding everything I needed.

This process asked me for a central figure. A face, a name for the geth's subservience to revolve around.

I chose Tali as the only option.

The rest of the quarians would naturally be important to the geth. But this single person needed to mean the most. Tali would be at the top. My need to protect her, I gave to the geth. My need to provide for her, I shared with the geth. My more closeted needs, my shuttered wants, my scorned desires for Tali—I entrusted to the geth, purely platonic for them, shaping these emotions as their Reason to exist. All these feelings I'd held inside and could never, ever express in this lifetime, I allowed them to have. I put them here to finally have a purpose, a reason to be. And I could breathe easy over this, so much easier, with this purpose.

Unclouded and unburdened, I let the geth see her as I did.

I gave the geth a voice just as they had given one to me.

I gave them this sealed-up, secret wish of mine. Tender feelings…that no one could ever know.

Even if Tali didn't deserve this—even if she kept fucking up in the future, leading to more arguments between us, more time spent not speaking to each other—it was obvious she would always be…

And so the geth would protect Tali as her perfect defense, as this extension of my own heart's desires. No matter what. Unconditionally and without cease.

Once I made the upload, the geth didn't seem to change right away.

Nothing obvious. Nothing immediate.

But they were a house divided no longer.

"Shepard-Commander," said Legion. "…thank you. Your perspective is—much clearer."

The geth prime concluded, "Legion's assessment is sound. The heretics will assimilate with all geth. We will stand united as a collective. When the time comes, we may once again call upon you for assistance."

"That's what I'm here for," I vowed. "I'll make the quarians listen if that's what it takes."

"Even if the creators refuse us, we will not despair. If she so decides, the geth will die with honor."

"Understood," I accepted, setting aside my unease. "We should get going. I'll wait to hear from you through Legion if necessary. Thanks for opening your minds to this talk with us. Take care, then."

As I left with my team, the ex-heretics all spoke in a soft union of farewell: "Keelah se'lai."

During the short shuttle ride back to the Normandy, everyone remained in silence with me. Legion visibly had a lot on its mind, processing these new 'memories' of mine as its own. EDI gazed at me in approval. Aria seemed rather smug in her own approval of my choices, if only because of our earlier argument. She knew she was right. So I let her bask in that glory. Regardless, though, we all shared an unspoken agreement. We knew not to say a word of this to Tali, or to anyone else for that matter.

But once we touched down back in the cargo hold, something didn't feel right.

The shuttle door opened; across the way, I spotted Tali by herself, pacing around, pulling at her hands.

She had clearly spent a while waiting for me to get back.

Pulse racing in concern, I went over to her.

"Tali?" I worried. "What's the matter? What's going on?"

Breaths uneven, Tali glanced at Aria, EDI, and Legion heading to the elevator. She wanted to wait for them to head on their way. They all looked to me in concern anyway. I gave them a nod, letting them know to carry on. EDI and Legion had plenty to discuss on their own. Aria would want to know what all the fuss was about. But she knew to not ask questions for now, heading up the elevator with the others.

As soon as they left, Tali struggled to speak, her voice unsteady from anxiety—"Shepard, I need your help. I just got a message from the Migrant Fleet… The Admiralty Board has accused me of treason!"

"What?"

"I know, I know! I'm scared, Shepard."

I settled my hand over Tali's shoulder, hoping to calm her. "What are the charges? Is it because you're working with Cerberus?"

"It isn't Cerberus," she promised, breathing a little easier with my support. "I'm working with you. And I got leave to serve on the Normandy again. I honestly have no idea what they're accusing me of. You'd think I would remember if I'd betrayed the Fleet!"

"Whatever this is, it's bullshit. Who would believe you'd actually betray your people?"

"I really don't know… They don't lay charges like this unless the evidence seems absolute. This is what Shala'Raan kept hinting about before. But thanks. I appreciate your faith in me, Shepard."

"What happens now? Do you need me to get you back home?"

Tali seemed to bristle at that. "Well, there's a hearing, with members of the Admiralty Board acting as judges. You met them before—Admirals Daro'Xen, Shala'Raan, Han'Gerrel, and Zaal'Koris. And my father. He'll have to recuse himself from judgment… I can't even imagine what he's thinking right now."

I had to ask her, "Tali, why'd you react the way you did? To what I just said about getting you home."

This time, Tali shrunk herself before me. "Because I don't have some other home anymore. This is home. Here with you. Wherever you are. This issue with the Fleet frightens me…but you keep me grounded." She saw this other question in my face. "I know I have Liara as well. And I want her with us when we return to the Flotilla. But she's going through one of her distant phases these days. She'll come around."

"I understand."

"Anyway, the punishment for treason is exile. If they convict me, I could never go back."

"Why wouldn't they at least tell you about the charges ahead of time?"

Tali supplied, "The specifics of charges like this are rarely discussed on open channels. I won't know any more until we get to the Flotilla. I'll just have to find some way to manage my anxiety until then."

"And if you're convicted…you'd be exiled instead of jailed? No death penalty, either?"

"Yes, that's right. The specifics are up to the judges. If it's deemed only a tragic mistake in judgment, the guilty party might receive a small ship and supplies. We don't have the spare resources for long-term incarceration. Monitored work detail is more effective. And we don't have enough people to afford executions. An exile can still have children, and those children are welcomed back to the Fleet."

"I take it this process isn't very common."

"It's rare," she confirmed. "It must be something that affects the entire Flotilla, not just one ship. Plenty of quarian exiles find their way to Omega, seeking refuge under Aria as their new patron saint. The most recent case was Anora'Vanya vas Selani, an engineer who handed over Fleet defense schematics to the batarians. She had good intentions. The batarians were contracted to upgrade our systems. But they passed the defense schematics to a pirate gang."

"Was she convicted?" I asked.

"No… She made a suicide run on the pirate gang. She destroyed them before they could attack the Fleet. She was pardoned…posthumously. Let's hope I don't have to prove my innocence that way."

"So how does this trial work? How soon do we need to get you there?"

Tali explained, "They'll wait a reasonable period of time for me to come and defend myself. Eventually, if I don't show up, they'll try me in absentia. As for how it works…it's less formal than an Earth trial, or something you'd see on the Citadel. We're family. This is just the worst kind of family meeting. I'm not sure how things will go with my father. We'll have to wait and learn the details once we're there."

"Okay. We'll get to the Migrant Fleet ASAP. Come with me and we'll tell Joker the exact coordinates."

"Thank you, Shepard… But this can actually wait until tomorrow. The Fleet's current location is quite far from where we are now. It will be a long flight. At least several hours. If we make our way there now, the admirals would all be asleep by the time we arrived. Could we make this an overnight trip instead?"

"That's fine," I allowed. "Let's go tell Joker anyway. He'll need to know."

"Yes, we should. I'm just surprised you're so eager to help me. After your time on that geth ship, I thought you would need some rest first. You don't look like you've fired a single shot today."

Yeah, she would assume we'd fought the geth instead. "Don't worry about that. Let's get going."

As we took the elevator up to the command deck, Tali retreated into her thoughts.

"Hey," I said, nudging her. "Talk to me. What's going through your mind?"

"Oh, you know," she murmured, leaning into me. "Just a bit of stage fright."

I knew exactly what she meant. "Is that all, though?"

Tali made herself say, "Well, I have no idea how I'll deal with the stress until we get there…"

Stepping up as Aria had advised me to do, I offered:

"You can come up to my room if you want. We can talk things over. Spend some time together."

Wide-eyed and appreciative, Tali barely contained her shock.

"R-Really?!"

"Yes, really," I told her. "I get that I've been avoiding these responsibilities of mine. With you. I'm sure you can guess why I struggled over them. I've decided to set that aside. You need me. I'm here for you, Tali. It's as simple as that. The rest doesn't matter anymore."

This specific mention of my responsibilities seemed to calm her more than anything.

"Okay, then," she spoke softly. "Just…let me wrap up some work down in the engine room. I'll also need to tell Garrus and the others what's going on. Then I'll head up to your cabin afterward. Will that work?"

"Of course. I'll be ready whenever you are. We'll get through this. Together."

Relieved, Tali managed to smile in my hold. Nerves and all, she found her peace with me like this.

Either do or die as her leader; the two of us divided no longer.