"To Hell and Back" from Cyberpunk 2077

LXI. The Ardat-Yakshi

(Shepard)

Summertime finally bloomed back on Earth, or at least in the northern hemisphere. This change in the year, in the season, in my memory of where I fit in the galaxy, all relative. And in memory of a relative I'd never had, Father's Day had just passed by. Creeping toward the Cancer zodiac, yet still part of the Gemini sphere, hovering toward this end of June: Aria's birthday existed in this space today. Today having arrived at Omega, where Aria had already left the Normandy to check up on her operations; where Samara would take care of what she needed to do—and I had promised to help her. Aside from my plans for Aria's birthday today, one other thing kept me frazzled. Nerves bundling, thoughts racing:

Sitting alone in my private cabin, I felt the heat that had taken over my hometown at this time of year.

That heat, that blaze, those waves of uncertainty misting my head as I read over this sheer importance—

From: Liselle – Re: My mother's birthday.

Commander,

So, since it's actually her birthday today, I was wondering. Do you think we could talk for a bit? Like a vid call. I'm not going to get to see her today. She already promised to call me. But you're the one who gets to spend time with her in-person. I'd love it if I could talk to you. Face-to-face. Over the extranet, anyway.

If you have to ask why, I think the answer's obvious. You're dating my mother, so I want to get to know you. I've never asked to meet any of her exes before. Just you. There's a reason for that. A lot of reasons.

I have the day off today. Let me know if you have time. Or if you'd rather not. Whatever works for you.

But I'm really, really hoping you'll say yes. Just saying.

-Liselle

.

To: Liselle – Re: My mother's birthday.

Liselle,

Well, this is a surprise. I have some time today. I'll have to get going after a while. I have a mission on your mother's station later on. I'm not sure how long we'll have to speak. If that's okay with you, let's set a time for a vid call.

I'm happy to talk to you, Liselle. Thanks for reaching out.

-Shepard

.

I had apparently agreed to Liselle's request so easily. But it had taken me almost an hour to write those handful of sentences in my reply. And then I had spent the whole morning pacing around. Brushing my hair. Making sure my uniform looked right. And not just because of who Liselle was; what she meant to Aria, to my girlfriend. From what I could tell, Liselle had a lot of influence over her mother. She potentially had the power to end her mother's relationships whenever she wanted. Or so Liselle seemed to think, from the time I'd spent watching her life, Aria's life back in Insomnia. That didn't seem to be Liselle's intention. Not with me. Not today. But I still wanted to make a good first impression with her.

Liselle and I got along well enough. As much as we possibly could at this distance. She had emailed me before, after all, about her mother's birthday. That had inspired me to get Aria a little something for the occasion. Something practical, something useful. I planned on gifting it to her today. Yet for some reason, the idea of speaking with Liselle left me more on-edge than surprising Aria with a present.

At some point, I had emailed Liara for assistance—vague assistance—just to pass the rest of this time:

To: Liara – Your people.

Liara,

Hey, there's something I need to ask you. About the asari. I know this message probably surprised you. And maybe it isn't what you hoped to see from me. That's something we can discuss in-person. Later. Not now. For the record, I am working through some things on my end. In regards to you and I talking regularly again. I just need a bit more time. I promise. Until then, I hope you can answer this for me.

Basically, I'm trying to understand asari ages. Even though you're almost 110 years old, your people don't consider you to be an adult. But you have your PhD. You've written in scientific journals. I don't get how you're still considered so young. What would that be like, relative to human ages? Do you know?

If you have no idea, that's fine. Or if you don't want to have this 'normal' conversation with me, I get it. I wanted us to start somewhere, at least. You mean a lot to me, Liara. I'm doing my best with this. Really.

-Shepard

.

From: Liara – Re: Your people.

Shepard,

Yes, your message is certainly a surprise. Perhaps I ought to censor the reaction I had when I first saw it.

As for your question… Your curiosities are oddly endearing, Shepard. I can only wonder what inspired this particular interest in you. Though I can probably guess for myself. My knowledge of human practices and asari equivalencies have grown significantly since you and I first met on Therum. You have been a longtime subject of my in-depth studies, after all. I am glad to answer your question as best as I can.

We asari tend to reach physical maturity around age 40 or so. To use me as the example, the difference between age 40 and age 109 should seem drastic to you as a human. But you recall that we often live to be over 1000 years old. So I believe it would be best to think of our ages in terms of scale. Socially, an asari at age 100 is the equivalent of a human at age 10—minus the physical maturity. For example, you brought up my education. I graduated with distinction from the University of Serrice. And I have indeed written numerous papers on the Protheans, many of which have been published in reputable journals.

However, before my death, not many asari took my research all that seriously. This would be the human equivalent of a ten-year-old's science project at school. Cute, amusing, and perhaps showing great promise—but nothing to use as a proper model for rigorous academic study. I now enjoy a more posthumous popularity among my people. They respect me as a true scholar on your team. They consider me to be a prodigy beyond my years, finally treating my findings with the seriousness I'd always hoped for. Anyone else would normally have to live for a few more centuries to reach this level of prestige.

More specifically for your curiosities—an asari at age 200 would be the equivalent of a human around 20 years old. So just a few years younger than Tali and Jack. In our social circles, an asari of this age would be seen as a young adult: still vastly green and inexperienced. She would still have much to learn. She would possibly still be greatly attached to her parents…or perhaps only her mother. Of course, a 200-year-old asari would still behave and appear as a normal adult. Something would still be lacking: a more solid emotional maturity that only comes with wisdom. Something not even a scientist like myself could find on the page. It is common for asari around this age to make a decision: to stay close to her parents and continue serving them dutifully, or to break away completely and explore the galaxy on her own.

Maybe the other maiden asari you have in mind has not, and will never let go of her mother this way.

This is why my own experiences with my mother were so unusual. Benezia forced me to make that decision much earlier in life. Earlier than I should have. I can imagine another asari in your life might be able to relate to me… It may explain why she tends to be so distant. I feel silly for only realizing this now.

Finally, if you were an asari, you would likely fit in with someone around age 300. Due to your vast experiences, you would no longer be considered a maiden, and instead pushed into the early matron stage. So for all intents and purposes, you are an equal with the other matron asari in your life. Any maidens would be considered your juniors in age and wisdom. That includes me…and her daughter.

I don't want this email to turn into another one of my dissertations. So I should end this here. But I appreciate your promises, Shepard. It helps to know that you are not simply ignoring me. If it is time you need, then you will have it. Yet it remains abundantly clear why things are awkward between us. I have accepted that things will likely always be awkward. It is because I still love you…and I have no intentions of ever letting you go. I only hope that my feelings will not get in the way of our professional relationship.

Regardless, Shepard, I am here to serve you. No matter my personal feelings. That is my forever-promise.

-Liara

.

Of course she knew I meant Liselle.

Of course I went ahead and replied to her at the time.

Ever since then, Liara had of course been on my mind. Taking the edge off—somewhat—for this upcoming call with my girlfriend's daughter. I put myself through more of this process. Working things through on my end. Figuring out exactly why I felt so awkward about Liara's place in my life. But after thinking about it some more, everything made perfect sense to me. It was just a matter of…acceptance.

Accepting Liara as she was—instead of a slanted mirror of someone else.

Once I accepted that, I breathed easier about her. And about everything else, too. For the most part.

So once it was time, I got myself together.

I went to sit at my desk, at my terminal for Liselle's vid call.

Those moments between not speaking and suddenly seeing, speaking—I found that I'd left my persona behind. Didn't occur to me to pick it back up, to take it with me. This familiar warmth misted through my chest instead. I knew it exuded from me, unseen: my eyes, my expression. And I knew, the second Liselle saw me through the vid, she saw the same. She saw what I didn't mean to project. She saw more than enough to inspire her own warm smile—so very unlike her mother. Surrounded by her mother anyway—the penthouse Aria had made for herself, and then given to her daughter later on in life. I felt this warmth soaring as the snow fell outside Liselle's window, just behind her. All from the resemblance.

So uncanny—I couldn't find my words right away.

Liselle beamed anyway, easygoing. "Oh hey, Commander. It's really you." That gentle ease and breeze of her tone definitely distinguished her from her mother. "Thank you for calling me. I'm pretty excited to talk to you." She glanced around my own background. "Are you on your ship? On the Normandy?"

"Yes," I made myself say.

Amusement brimming—"Mmm, your uniform's nice. You're all buttoned-up. You're an Alliance loyalist, aren't you? Kind of interesting you're working with Cerberus. At least for the time being, you know?"

"…I know."

Not meaning any harm, Liselle giggled at me. "So it's true what they say. You're a woman of few words."

I fought not to pull at my collar; to run my hand through my hair; anything.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize, silly," insisted Liselle, gazing at me fondly now. "I don't buy the rumors that you're a major hardass. Maybe you are with your crew. What I'm seeing right now tells a much different story."

"Which story do you mean?"

"You're a big softy, aren't you? Trying to protect yourself. Reminds me of someone. It's super sweet."

So much for my image. "I don't know about that, Liselle…"

"Oh, I know what I see. You don't have to deny it, Commander."

"If that's the case, then who do I remind you of?"

Liselle spoke the obvious: "My mother, who else? You two are really alike… More than I thought you would. I mean, I figured you probably had a thing or two in common. Isn't the so-called rule that opposites attract? Likes repel? You're not following the rules at all! What's up with you two?"

Not seeing a way to steer the topic, I told her, "I guess your mother feels…safer with what she knows."

"Hmm, go on. I'm intrigued."

"Wait a minute, Liselle. Does Aria know you're talking to me right now?"

Liselle nearly snorted in laughter. "Of course she doesn't know I'm talking to you. Unless you told her!"

"No, I didn't tell her anything… I'm just not used to this."

"Let me guess. You're not big on keeping secrets like this. Will you feel guilty for not telling her?"

I couldn't help it. "Yes, unfortunately."

And Liselle couldn't grin any wider if she tried. "Okay, it's official. You're perfect for her."

"Wait, what?! How did you decide that so quickly?"

Giggling again, she explained, "My mother would want you to tell her. It's that mafia mentality. No keeping secrets from the boss. Except that doesn't apply to me. When she's not around, I'm the boss. And even when she is, as long as I'm here, I take precedence. Whatever I say, goes. Mommy Dearest would never admit it, but she knows I'm right. So you don't have to worry about getting found out. If Bray or Ahz hacked my communications or something, she won't flip out on you. She'll understand."

"Spoken like the true daughter of a mob boss. You're the one who sounds exactly like her now."

"Oh, you're a real charmer, aren't you?"

This was getting weird. "I think I hear an echo."

Liselle smiled with that joy eternally denied to her mother. "Glad you noticed. I could easily pretend to be her—if I really wanted to. I could make a killing going around making deals as the Pirate Queen of Omega. But Bray and the others would definitely find me out. I'd just end up busted. That's no fun."

"I wondered how you dealt with that. Do the people you date assume you're her clone?"

"Not necessarily her clone. My real personality is pretty different from hers. So aside from the way we look, people tend not to mix us up. They all want me for me. Or at least, that's what they think. At first."

"That's cynical of you," I noted. "Aren't you seeing someone? A boyfriend? Your mother mentioned it."

Liselle waved her hand in dismissal. "I broke up with him a few days ago."

"Oh—I'm sorry to hear that."

"Please, don't be. It wasn't all that serious. You know how it goes. Here today, gone tomorrow."

I wondered if Liselle might be a player—but I knew better not to comment on it.

Besides, she went on, "My love life's never been all that interesting, anyway. I'm usually too busy worrying about my mother, what's going on with her. You can imagine how I knew about you before. How I knew she liked you. When the news came out about you dying…she wasn't herself anymore. That situation led to us having a full-blown war against each other. Somehow, we worked things out in the end. As devastating as things were for her, you brought us closer together. So that's why I care like this."

That lined up with what I knew. "'Like this'? What do you mean by that?"

"I've done my research on you, Commander. But I'm sure that's obvious by now."

"And what did you find out about me, Liselle?"

"You know—the usual," she teased. "Your reputation in the military. Lone wolf. How humanity sees you. How the Council feels about you as a Spectre." That couldn't have been everything. "Maybe I looked up a few other things here and there. About the others you've dated. You've had a lot of beautiful women."

"You're that curious about me, huh?"

Liselle gave me such a mischievous smirk. "I have to be. This is my mother we're talking about. She's had her heart broken too many times before. So you can guess how protective I am. But not in a bad way."

"Well, now that I'm here, is there anything you wanted to ask? Without needing to dig around my past."

"Oh, there's a lot! I know you have your mission today. I'll just get to the point for now. If you want."

"Go ahead," I allowed.

Completely straightforward, Liselle asked me, "What are your intentions with her? I need to know."

"My intentions?"

"Yes, your intentions. Are you just fooling around with her? Is this some fling you have going on?"

"No," I nearly blurted out. "That's not my intention at all. I'm not doing that."

"Then is it serious?" she asked instead. "Are you taking the relationship seriously? Seriously serious."

"I feel very strongly about your mother. We're taking things one day at a time, but it is serious."

She seemed too close to asking if Aria and I'd had sex or not.

Something of the shock in my face diverted her from the question. But Liselle's unique entitlement remained. Not so much a selfish entitlement. That protectiveness she'd mentioned, definitely. I could see the daggers in her pale stare, dulled and blunted for my sake, because she cared for me. Yet Liselle had spent years watching other people hurt her mother. And now here I was, this thirty-something human coming into Aria's life, as if I wouldn't end up like all the rest. So she had the right to be skeptical.

Liselle made herself clear: "Listen, I can tell you're a good person. And maybe you think I'm asking too much of you. But I wouldn't ask this unless I believed you were capable. You know that, don't you?"

"I understand. I wouldn't accept this cross-examination from anyone else. Under any circumstances."

"Yes, I can see that, too. I still need to know one other thing."

"What is it?" I asked.

"My mother's been on her own for a long time. Even though she's had me. She's had other people in her orbit, too. That's not what I mean. She's always insisted on doing everything by herself. She never trusted anyone to be by her side. Walking shoulder-to-shoulder like that. If you asked her about it, I'm sure she would laugh in your face. Maybe it was a trust thing. Maybe she couldn't handle the blow to her ego, just by daring to succeed with someone else at her side. But my mother's ended up with a lot of cuts and bruises over the centuries. All from doing so much by herself. Do you get what I mean by that?"

"Yes, I do. I also get what you're trying to ask. If I'm going to come in and be that person in her life."

"Pretty much… Is that what you're doing? Are you helping her? Serving her? Can she count on you?"

I bowed my head. "That is my intention. Whenever she's ready to accept me in this role, then that is what I'll be. In the meantime, I'm staying consistent. I'm giving her that security. As much as I can."

This tremble in her wide-eyed stare: Liselle needed to believe me so badly.

She whispered, "Okay, then. Okay. Just…Shepard, please don't hurt her. I know my mother's strong. But only because she has to be. She built up this powerful image to protect herself. She's so sensitive deep down. You have the power to finally heal her—or outright destroy her. That worries me. It worries me a lot. I'm not saying you'll do the wrong thing. I love her so much, and I don't want to lose her. Not again."

"I know that, Liselle… I know."

We spent a while longer talking about this. The whole time, Liselle's sincerity continued to astound me. She loved Aria as much as she said, and then some. I heard it in her convictions, felt it in her stare. That powerful love entranced me—because I had never felt the same. Not for my own mother, whoever she was. So to see my own psychology reflecting back at me, it kept me engaged during the rest of our talk.

Once we said our goodbyes, promising to speak again soon, I felt empty all of a sudden.

Empty for not having Liselle's brightness anymore. At least not in front of me.

Given what she'd made me think about, I went searching for something in my room.

Months ago for Valentine's Day, I had bought my ex a few gifts. Those flowers. The chocolates. And then I took her out to dinner, for seafood along the harbor in my hometown. But there was one other thing I'd bought. One other cute thing I had hesitated to give to her, just because I wasn't sure if she'd like it. I held it in my arms now. This soft, well-made plush of a wolf pup. This pup that was supposed to be me. This pup that represented the softness I had tried to harden, tried to hide. But it was still here. And I felt it now, getting emotional over this one thing. This gift I had never been able to give. This unspoken promise I had never been able to fulfill. Lonely and ungifted, at least for now, I spent these last few minutes with myself. Thinking everything over; figuring out how best to not repeat my past mistakes.

After my brooding, I bundled up Aria's birthday gift, then went down to the crew deck to meet up with Samara. She had already specified that I likely wouldn't need any weapons for this mission. So I kept my Alliance uniform on. And as I went, I found that the ship was already empty. My team and my crew had left the Normandy some time ago for a bit of shore leave at Afterlife. Even though they had permission from Aria to head back to the VIP section, I believed they wanted to head for the main floor this time.

I found Samara leaving the door to her room.

"Commander," she said. "Thank you once again. I deeply appreciate your assistance with this matter."

"Don't mention it, Samara. Do you have a game plan ready? Or should we go talk to Aria first?"

"Speaking with Aria would be wise. She may very well know where Morinth is right this second. Let us make our way to Afterlife. I will inform you of the other details on the way there."

Together we left the Normandy, heading out to Omega's streets. These streets…that looked so much cleaner and more organized than I remembered them. The gleam of the metallic surfaces glittered that much more from Omega's skyline: that ethereal radiance beaming through the windows at the docks, and from the sky itself as we reached the open air. No more homeless wasting away in the alleyways, the boulevards. No more suffering—not visibly, anyway. Aria had clearly taken my concerns to heart. Even without me needing to really press her on them. Seeing these changes for myself made me smile.

Samara noticed the same, explaining, "As you can see, Shepard, Aria has made a number of changes to Omega. In addition to these cleaner environments, Aria has organized the station's militias into an official police force with proper training, protocol, and oversight. Omega's police has worked hard to investigate cases that Aria would have normally dismissed before. You could say they now look out for the little people—the common men and women that Morinth would have easily made into her victims. As a result, she has been less willing to strike. But I sense she is now very close to giving in."

"So you want us to take advantage of the situation. Find a way to corner her while she's vulnerable."

"Exactly, Commander. We need only learn of Morinth's current location. Aria should be able to verify."

Along the crowded boulevard leading to Afterlife, that eternal light shined down on us more. More so with the neon lights flashing red from the district—the store signs, the advertisements everywhere. Looming over all stood the club itself, menacing as that uncaring tower: blaring Afterlife's bass-studded music, projecting that digital display of the club's asari dancers enticing in violet. Inside the building, I knew Aria sat at her couch, her throne, doing what she needed to do. Taking care of her final loose ends on the station. And I wondered if she thought of me as she handled business. I wondered if she cared at all for the day, for her birthday, for this celebration of her life—six hundred and twenty-two years of life.

All along the stairs leading to Afterlife's front doors, Aria's thugs and guards remained posted as usual, armed to the teeth. Undeterred, the long line of hopeful club-goers wound down the boulevard, with the elcor bouncer overseeing the crowd, the heightened tensions of annoyance, anxiety, impatience.

Samara and I walked straight past that impatience, free to enter as we pleased.

"Come on, let me in!" groused the annoyed human at the front of the line. "Aria's expecting me, ugh!"

I seriously doubted that.

The elcor bouncer told him flatly, "Annoyed: if she were expecting you, you'd be inside."

Through the door, through the hallway, Afterlife's music drowned out that noise from outside.

Slanting inward, these other digital displays encroached on us—the slanted flames heating this space. Those embers lit up the black of the leather couches around, where a few people sat with their drinks, watching Samara and me pass by, shadowed silhouettes and all. Of course they knew what I was to Aria, what she was to me. So they paid me far more attention than they had the last time I was here. And through this next door, the expanse of Afterlife's main floor welcomed us, the wider, brighter lights brushing over our darker shadows from the hall. The dance music bumped louder and harder than I remembered. Something darker and more energized, fully-charged, as if the club's DJ thought to subtly celebrate Aria's birthday in this way. That central catwalk lit up in pink as a rounded display, similar to the one outside, with the usual asari pole dancing for everyone's entertainment. Everyone around seemed to be in a festive mood, talking their talk and drinking their drinks with a louder fervor this time.

My teammates had joined in with that fervor, having already spread out around this upper level. Off on the other side, near the catwalk, Zaeed, Mordin, Javik, and Kasumi shared a conversation over drinks, joking around and laughing. James had wandered off by himself, flirting with someone near the back exit. Legion and EDI stood upstairs, over by the tables in the quieter area, observing the organics and talking together. Over by the bar, I spotted Jack, Garrus, Joker, and Kaidan. Garrus had seemed a little down lately. I wasn't sure why. So Jack stayed nearby, drink raised in the air as she danced on him for fun. Joker and Kaidan cracked up over her antics; Garrus himself cracked a smile over the whole thing.

Rather removed from the festivities, Tali and Liara shared a table by themselves. Over in that quieter area upstairs. I still had a decent view of them: the pair shared what looked like a deep conversation over drinks. Mid-sip through her straw, Tali noticed me looking over their way. Liara also spotted me, suddenly wide-eyed in awe. I just smiled at them both. Hesitating a little, they shyly waved hello to me.

Over by Aria's perch, her turian thug, Grizz, stood guard as usual.

"Well, well, well," he teased. "If it isn't the boss' girlfriend. And the justicar, too. You here to see her?"

"We are," I said, already hearing someone else's voice upstairs. "Is Aria busy right now?"

Grizz smirked in derision. "Oh, she's not busy," he claimed. "She has another visitor. I'm sure she'll tell 'em to scram once she sees you. Got a feeling that's what she's hoping for, actually. So head on up."

Heading up to see Aria like this had inspired me.

These stairs brought me up to this culmination.

This culmination of everything I had gone through—everything that had brought me to this day.

This day, this moment, looking upon my one, finding her with me on her mind—even with this company.

This company of her ex, Nyreen, standing before her, trying to get through to her.

Yet Aria paid her little mind. She sat on her perch, one leg crossed over the other. She stared down fondly at one of the gifts I had already sent over. Those everlasting roses I had taken too long to give her. Violet and blue as a bouquet together: the smooth color of her vibrant skin, the icy gale of her cold eyes. She kept that likeness down in her lap, purely focused on those flowers. Her inflorescence brimmed through this part of the club. Her love and fondness had softened her in gratitude, in pleasure. That pleasure of hers managed to flower over any annoyance she might've felt over Nyreen's presence.

Despite Aria's apparent ease, Bray continued to watch Nyreen like a hawk, unseen in the shadows.

That clear tell of Aria's suspicions toward her ex colored my own, far and away from any green of envy.

Nyreen nagged her, "Are you even listening to me, Aria?"

Aria just kept on smiling down at her flowers.

"Why do I even bother… It's clear you don't care what I have to say. Even though I came here to congratulate you on a job well done. Nothing I can possibly say will ever matter to you, will it?"

"A job well done?" echoed Aria, softly menacing. "Oh, Nyreen. What in the world could you possibly think to congratulate me for? Because if this is about Omega, then don't bother. Nothing I do here concerns you. Though I find it…interesting that you think you're some sort of authority. Why is that?"

Blanking all of a sudden, Nyreen didn't have an answer for her.

"Hmm. The silence, the silence. It's a beautiful sound—except for this unanswered mystery of yours."

"There's no mystery with me. I'm simply pleased to see you taking care of the station's citizens."

"You're pleased, are you?" mocked Aria. "You say that like you're some queen. Above me. Don't even get me started on how ridiculous that sounds." As she met my eyes, warming, I wasn't sure if she spotted Nyreen's spiteful reaction to her words. "Nyreen, you're free to go. While our conversation was obviously unproductive, I won't leave you hanging. Expect a visit from me before I leave again."

Nyreen sneered at her, "If you weren't leaving for your suicide mission, I'd likely tell you not to bother. You've made these changes on the outside, but you're the same. You're still exactly the same! I feel foolish for not seeing it… You're a cold-blooded tyrant, Aria. Just with a bit of socialism mixed in now."

Aria asserted herself—"I said you're free to go. You're making my girlfriend wait. Or do I need to repeat myself more forcefully? I can be a tyrant if you want me to. Extra. Fucking. Cold. Just for you, my love."

Bray and the others readied their weapons, guns clicking in warning.

Grudging and begrudging, Nyreen stalked off, muttering a terse, "Commander," to me as she went.

Aria scoffed over this persistent passive-aggressiveness her ex had left behind.

Setting that aside, she soon looked to me again. Softening again. Warming again. Aria kept to her spot on her couch, legs crossed, keeping her gentle touch over the bouquet in her lap. She waited for me, and watched me as I approached, her focus on me so gently fixated. She reminded me of a cat, somehow, just in the way she refused to move—tracking me with her eyes—all while wanting and needing me to come up to her like this. Even once I reached her, Aria could have done something. Reached up to touch me. Gestured for me to come closer. Yet she just kept sitting on her throne, infinitely pleased by me. Pleased to perceive me, pleased to be pleased by me. Just as she needed to.

Too amused by this novelty, I asked her, "Am I allowed to kiss you here?"

Softly amused herself, Aria smiled and said, "You may."

So I leaned down to her, using my fists to prop myself up over her couch, at either sides of her hips. This doubled closeness kept my lips over hers, firmer and firmer. I found Aria's day over her, this taste, these reminders of Omega's changes. This smooth shine of her lips felt brand new, even as Aria felt entirely familiar to me, likened and likening and liking me enough to close her eyes, not meaning to. Not meaning to let me slip into her like this; not meaning to let out these gently sexed sounds as my reward, unintentional. However long she let me do this, Aria still wouldn't reach up to me. She wouldn't touch me, even as I heard the grips of her fingerless gloves over the stems of those bundled roses, flowers tightening in her strong hold. She let me embed myself into her like this—so much that she couldn't stand it, gradually and gradually, despite the sounds she gave me and only me, sounding otherwise.

Sounding these contradictions over and over—just before she angled her head away, breathing hard.

Quietly.

Bray and Grizz watched us. Her other thugs watched us. The asari dancing along the wall nearby, and the ones on the center catwalk with a view—they watched us, too, even though they weren't supposed to.

Aria knew their curiosities without a word.

"That's enough," she whispered, avoiding the heat of my stare. "Sit down, babe." Knowing better, I sat down on the other side of the couch. Not right next to her. Even as I knew she needed more from me. Aria softened her professionalism as she tried to get back to business: "So…what can I do for you?"

"Samara's looking for that ardat-yakshi. Morinth. Do you know where she is?"

"Yes, of course," said Aria, regarding Samara now. "Your ardat-yakshi's taken residence in my club. Down in the VIP section. She somehow managed to seduce the password out of one of my people. I disposed of him as soon as I found out. But, this Morinth of yours hasn't hurt anyone. I think our new police force has her spooked. They won't hesitate to crack down on someone like her. She knows this."

"As I suspected," replied Samara. "Thank you, Aria. I will come up with a plan of action now. In the meantime, please take a moment to speak freely with the commander. I shall return when I am ready."

Aria watched her go in enjoyment. "She never changes, that justicar. I'd almost look up to her as a role model—if I weren't concerned she'd try to kill me for one tiny infraction. It's nice to see she's consistent, anyway." She smiled over the flowers again, but didn't yet comment on them. Not directly. "I have to say, Shepard. Today's certainly been full of surprises. You do know I'm intrigued by all this, don't you?"

"Yes, babe, I do know," I told her. "Doesn't matter what Nyreen said. I think you've changed. You're still true to who you are, though. I really want you to be. So maybe the universe is choosing to reward you."

"Hmm, is that so?"

"Mm-hmm. You were a little like Beelzebub before with your gluttony here on Omega. Not anymore."

"Beelzebub? Who the hell is Beelzebub? Sounds like something from human mythology."

"Beelzebub is the demon king of gluttony. It's also another name for Satan. He's a powerful devil."

"Interesting," said Aria, tucking the trivia away. "You always manage to teach me something new. That's one of the many things I adore about you, Shepard. Though you should know—these changes have brought other surprises to my station. Around the time Little Liara returned to us, I noticed an uptick of certain people around. I had just gotten rid of those Cerberus worms, so I didn't pay much attention to these other agents. I wasn't able to confirm who they were until recently. Let's just say I'm concerned."

"You're concerned?" I worried. "Who are these people, then?"

"They were agents for the Shadow Broker."

"The Shadow Broker…? Haven't heard that name in a while. Any idea why he has his agents here?"

"He had his agents here," corrected Aria. "I made sure to dispose of them, too. Swiftly. Yet something tells me these particular agents were disposable, anyway. I wasn't able to get anything out of them."

I speculated, "The timing can't be a coincidence. If they started showing up once Liara came back…"

"Yes—my thoughts exactly. The Broker knows I'm on your team. He knows I'm with you. He knows Liara's with us. Could be he's curious as to how she managed to return. Something outside his purview and all. He was aware of the Lazarus Project, so your resurrection was no surprise to him. But hers was."

"How did you get that tip about the Lazarus Project? Did the asari councilor tell you?"

Aria soured over the memory, confirming, "She did. I'm sure Tevos took pity on me at the time. I was… Well, you remember. You watched my memories. I should've known it then. What she knew about me. How she was able to tell. I still wasn't in the right state of mind to put two and two together. Silly me…"

Hoping to cheer her up, I moved closer to her on the couch, pulling out the gift I'd brought.

A brand new shotgun to replace her too-heavy one.

Surprised again, Aria couldn't believe it.

"It's an AT-12 Raider," I explained. "I modified it with a smart choker for better accuracy. There's a high-velocity barrel on there, too. It'll crush through armored targets." Speechless, Aria took the gun in her hands, apparently moved by how light and functional it was. "The Raider's a semi-automatic. It can fire two rounds before you'll need to reload. This isn't as strong as the one you have now, but you'll probably never run out of ammo. I don't even specialize in shotguns and I think this one's great to use."

Quietly impressed, Aria asked me, "How did you know to get me this…? How did you know I'd like it?"

"I use this gun all the time in one of my video games, playing as an asari commando. It's a lot of fun."

Aria suddenly laughed in delight.

"Shepard, babe… That's ridiculously adorable. I don't even know what else to say."

"Well, a little bird told me your birthday's today. So I wanted to make the most of it."

"A little bird, hm?" wondered Aria, laughing more. "And does this bird happen to look just like me? A younger version of me, perhaps? Someone who just loves sticking her nose where it doesn't belong?"

Apparently sworn to secrecy, I just smiled.

Taking my face in her hand, Aria brought me even closer, pressing her own smile to mine as thanks.

This time, she didn't care that everyone else hadn't stopped staring at us from before.

And this enthusiasm from her, so unexpected, swept in and around me, soaring and soaring my imagination, endlessly. Aria brought my mind and my heart to this heightened place—once unimaginable, yet now just so. So delightful, just like the laughter that stayed over her lips. So bright and so powerful, just like her spirit undaunted after all these years. So much so, exactly as she had allowed me to bring out again. I didn't mean to open my eyes—yet when I did, I found Aria's open as well. Open to the universe in this brief moment; open to me, open to life. As if this frost of her sight had at last thawed for me. As if she looked life in the face by looking at me, knowing it for what it was; knowing me for what I was. At last, she and I could both say we knew. Loving this life for what it was. Never wanting to put it away. Agonizing and needing more: the months between us. Always the time. Always, the love.

Always, the hours.

And just as Aria had suddenly laughed before, invigorating, this realization suddenly hit me—

"Shepard," breathed Aria, sustaining me. "What is this look in your eyes…?" Her hand over my face caught this single leak, as dew bubbling over her nail. Blinking hard, I turned away, even as she smiled again. "You're not holding out on me, are you? I thought that was my job, not yours. This isn't like you."

Glancing down between us, I found this character of our relationship:

The gun and roses adorning Aria's lap, organized in care over her leather couch;

The black and white leathers of Aria's rebel outfit, the lustful teases of her skin showing through; the solid blues and golds of my Alliance uniform, covering me up completely, showing nothing through;

And now this enduring patience from Aria herself. She watched me in total care. Without judgment. Without scorn. Without disgust, or thinking me weak. Something of my sudden shyness had her captivated. She couldn't know what I actually felt right now. What went through my head and through my heart. How the music in her club had transformed into an orchestra for all I knew: painting and landscaping my feelings for her with sound—for her and only her. How not even my mistakes and humanity could add up to this moment. This moment where I realized I wanted far more months with her. The months, the love, the hours. Those hours of interminable life together. Excitement and none.

"Babe," she said, almost as a singsong. "This really isn't like you. Are you going to keep me in suspense?"

This time, I didn't know what to say.

Aria laughed softly. "Fine, then," she allowed. "I'll let it slide." These depths to her voice gave away her wants, so romantic in her sexuality, taking my mind right there with her. "But only because I love when you get shy like this. Enough to make me lower my guard in front of all these people. These people who will no doubt start gossiping about us to anyone who'll listen… Though I suppose I can't complain too much. As long as they all know you're mine and I'm yours, the gossip should reflect reality well enough."

"Sorry," I muttered anyway.

"Don't be," she murmured, getting to me again with those depths. "You've made my birthday incredibly special so far. I expect us to make even more of the occasion. Later on today. After your mission. Or maybe sometime before that if we're lucky." Aria came close to specifying—in her bed. But then she spotted Samara returning to us. "And there she is. I'll let the two of you go strategize."

"We'll be right here," I said, standing up, heading over to Samara.

"You do that."

Aria watched me as I went.

Looking pleased again, she kept her sight on me, tracking my every movement. Samara and I stayed just nearby, still within the general vicinity of Aria's perch. Off in the shadows, somewhat—barely out of earshot. Even as I spoke with Samara, Aria's eyes never left me. Her attention never strayed an inch.

"We have a rare opportunity, Commander," noted Samara. "Normally, Morinth would make herself more obvious. She has a certain type of person she goes after. However, it is very likely her priorities have shifted over these past few months. We must adapt accordingly—ideally with the plan I have."

I needed to know first, "What type of person does Morinth usually go for?"

"She is attracted to artists and creators. Someone with a spark, slightly isolated from their peers. She impresses with sophistication and sex appeal. Then she strikes. The hunt interests her as much as the conquest."

"She kills with sex, and I have no plans to sleep with her."

"Perhaps you have a right to be glib, Shepard. But caution is wise here. Morinth speaks to you on many levels. Her body tells yours that she'll bring unimaginable ecstasy. Her scent evokes emotions long-hidden. Her eyes promise you things you were always scared to ask of another. Her voice whispers to you long after she is done speaking."

I smirked, knowing Aria still watched me. "She sounds like my kind of asari."

Samara knew what I meant. "You joke, Shepard—but for all your might, you will be in great danger. Storming her den will be a mistake—she will have a hundred escape routes planned. She will go to ground and disappear for fifty years or more. This is the closest I've been."

"All right, then what's the plan?"

"As Aria mentioned, Afterlife's VIP section is Morinth's preferred hunting ground. I suspect she is waiting for the perfect target. Something of a greater challenge after all this time has passed. That will be you, Commander. You must go to the VIP section alone and unarmed. You must then draw her out with a particular show of power and prestige. I imagined we might recruit Aria for additional assistance."

Aria?

"So you want me to go down to the VIP section," I summarized. "By myself. At least at first. Then you want Aria to find me… And then what? I show off my power and prestige to draw Morinth out? How?"

"Perhaps Aria would be willing to dance on you. In a very public manner, drawing lustful attention."

I just had to laugh. "You mean you want Aria to give me a lap dance in front of the whole club."

Unflappable as always, Samara simply said, "Yes, Commander."

"And you're sure Morinth will come after me? Not Aria? I'm not putting my girlfriend in harm's way."

"Morinth is desperate, but she will not take the risk of preying on the club's owner. She is aware that Aria is too well-guarded here on Omega. It is you she won't be able to resist after such a show. You are an artist on the battlefield. You have the vital spark that attracts her. Your power will draw her in. You have my word. And even should Morinth stray, I will not hesitate to lay down my life for your partner."

Almost sounded like foreshadowing. "Okay, I'll ask Aria if she's up for it. This should be interesting."

"I will be in the shadows watching, Shepard. Even before Aria arrives, and once she leaves, you will never be alone—this I swear. You are an expert with the subtleties of subterfuge. So when you are face-to-face with Morinth, subtly encourage her to invite you to her apartment. I'll follow discreetly, and when you are alone, I will spring the trap. I trust that you will be able to handle things well enough."

Hoping for the best, I returned to Aria still sitting in the same place. Still watching me as I approached.

The mischievous glint in her eye; the confident smirk on her face—

She'd had her ways of overhearing my conversation with Samara. And she absolutely approved.

I smiled back at her, glad that she would always have my back, and that I would always have hers.

Samara's reminders stayed with me as I passed through Afterlife's VIP section:

"Know this: until I get there, you are in great peril. Morinth will be planning to inflict horrors on you. If you are not careful, you will want her to."

"Courage or suicidal bravery could attract her. Hurt someone in defense, and she will be excited; but pick a fight, and she'll be bored. Show your natural confidence in walking smoothly through your partner's nightclub. She will be intrigued. She admires strength, directness, and vigor. Modesty, chivalry, or meekness frustrate and bore her. Violence excites her. You've killed, Shepard—she'll like that."

"She will want you the moment she sees you. The rest is just a matter of overpowering her caution. I will be near, and I will come for you, Shepard. Trust me as I trust and honor you. And—thank you. I do not share this burden easily. You are the only soul I can imagine sharing it with."

This dark vigor, this aggressive energy pulsing—the violent fervor of this music blasted everywhere. Everyone on the dance floor moved with that same energy. Everyone hanging out on the sidelines—near the bar, in the lounge areas—soaked up the same, even as they stayed still with their drinks and company. The central display had that same digital vid playing, with a few stripper poles nearby. And all around, this persistent veil of crimson lighting bloodied the space, starker and starker in the shadows.

Of course, the moment I set foot down here, I felt the shift. I felt the change. Someone watching me. Someone trying to stalk me. Someone who had no idea what I knew, what I sensed, what I felt. Morinth, this centuries-old ardat-yakshi who thought she had the upper-hand. This fool who thought she could prey on a predator like me. By the time this night was over, I wanted her to know. I wanted to see the look in her eyes. I needed to see the exact moment when she realized she'd picked the wrong target.

For now, Morinth thought I was alone.

I felt her circling the shadowed perimeter of the area. She stalked past a few unsuspecting wallflowers back there, not paying them any mind. She had likely grown bored of them, anyway, if they'd shown any interest in her. No, she wanted me. Morinth needed me, so silently narcotic. From the corners of my eyes, I spotted hers. I caught the glints of her full irises burning as doubled blue flames through the dark.

But then she retreated.

She retreated once she spotted Aria in the distance, approaching me; once she spotted all the people watching her come over to me, attracting infinite attention. The crowds parted for her to get to me.

Morinth retreated to a much safer distance—still watching me, still stalking me. Needing me even more.

Soon I heard that sensual-soft menace of Aria's voice heating my ear:

"Well, look who's here." Basking in this attention, Aria snaked herself around me, so possessive. "I heard you have another asari stalking you in my club. Normally, that wouldn't fly with me. But I agreed to play Samara's little game tonight." She grabbed my hand, coming close to making me grab her ass, just as a tease. "At the very least, I need that vile monster to know exactly who you belong to. So come with me."

Pulling me along by my hand, Aria brought me to the VIP area's central display.

As we made our way up to this platform, with everyone staring at us, I stayed mindful. I held my hand up, with her hand, considerate. Keeping her as the center of attention in this way. Aria kept such a smile on her face, guiding me over to one of those stripper poles. Entertained already, she had me sit down against the metal, shaping against my back. I soon forgot all about that shape—focused on this better shape of Aria's body next to me, standing over me. She bent this shape of her way down, down over me, facing me. I flexed my hands to keep from touching her. Because as Aria held onto the pole behind me, she gave this look. This look, daring me—to see if I could actually go without touching her for this show.

Pulsing with this music, Aria enticed me. She moved up and down on the pole; she kept this laser-focused eye contact with me; she held herself with that command, commanding my attention, everyone's attention. Everyone and anyone down in this VIP area couldn't stop watching her move.

The more she did this, the more I couldn't keep looking into her eyes.

The more I felt my eyes straying over her body. These curves of her, these bends of her. Her legs, wrapped in the leather of her outfit. Her heeled boots angling just so, keeping Aria at this perfect frequency for me. Both in her centuries of experience, flexing in show every time she moved, every time she dropped down low and brought herself back up. Limber and controlled—Aria knew exactly what to do. She knew exactly how to get to me. She knew exactly how to make my mind wander down this specific place, as much as I wanted and needed to touch her, to know this shape of her for myself.

Aria just smirked at me, her eyes reflecting the dozens and dozens on us.

Staying down low for this, she whispered in my ear—"Aren't you glad you took this chance on me?"

Wringing my hands in restraint, I told her—"I didn't take a chance at all. I need you by my side, Aria."

"Do you mean that, Shepard? Do you really mean it?"

"Of course I do…"

Still holding onto the pole, Aria settled herself in my lap. Legs spread wide, I could've thrust right inside her, right then and there. She glanced at my hands, though. Making sure I kept them off of her. Making sure I stayed still. Somewhere in the darkness of the crowd, I sensed Morinth watching us still. Samara kept her eye on us, too. But they faded away the closer Aria came to me. Coming this close, she had returned what I gave her earlier, hoping to embed herself in me this time. Just without kissing me. Without touching me any more than she already did. She just gave me this energy. This laser-focus of hers. Sharply intense, as if knifing through me with her eyes, painfully pleasurable. She had this control.

Aria gave me those same depths of her voice again: "I can feel how warm you are…right between your legs. You give off that energy." Only one of her hands she used to touch me, roaming down my chest. "But you're not strictly thinking about fucking me. Are you, babe?" She palmed my heartbeats, sensual. Memorizing me. "I'm sure this is about respect. It just makes me wonder. What do you want from me?"

Head fogging in a daze, I asked her, "What do you mean?"

"You're immune to anyone compromising you. Must be your military training. That strong will of yours. Even I can't seduce you in a pinch; get you so hot and bothered you can't think straight. Literally. On the one hand, it makes me less anxious about that ardat-yakshi. She won't hold any sway over you. Your armor's still in my way, though… So what gets you off? You're the cerebral type. What gets you going?"

This puzzled look on Aria's face, tilting toward frustration—

She didn't realize how much power she had over me.

Just in the inverse. In her potential. In her fears.

Aria was so used to going with what she knew, she couldn't find the answers. The only obvious answers.

I finally reached around and grabbed her legs. Right at the fit thickness of her thighs—I mounted her onto me tighter, as if fastening her around my waist. This suddenness made Aria tense up, letting go of the pole. She pressed both of her hands to me instead. Closed-off, but wanting. Quiet, but needing.

These contradictions of hers always made me smile.

Cautious in her curiosity, Aria narrowed her eyes in a vague suspicion.

"You're up to something, aren't you?"

"I'm not," I claimed. "Since we have all this attention, I would like to ask you…something."

"Hmm, and what is this something?"

"Do you have a safe word in mind for us?"

Pleasantly surprised now, Aria said, "Maybe, maybe not… Though this does clue me in to your thinking."

"Well, I want you to come up with one."

She specifically chose: "Well, then, let's go with what makes sense. If I tell you to fuck off, you will."

"If that's what you want."

"Yes, babe. That's exactly what I want."

Meaning more than words, Aria removed herself from me. She then pulled me up by my hand. Not quite forceful, yet fully intending something specific—she led me away from this central space. Away from this open area. Away from the gawkers, the bystanders, the voyeurs all dancing or not dancing, slack-jawed as they still were. Instead, Aria whisked me away to a darker corner of the club. Someplace quiet. Someplace private. Someplace where that ardat-yakshi could still see us—but not touch us in any way.

As we retreated to this space, not exactly hiding here, Morinth kept her eyes on me.

On the back of my head, I felt her—even as Aria brought me in, closer to this wall. Aria let me press her against this surface, hiding in these crimson shadows. Even as she let me do this, there was something about her. Something that made me grip at her legs, pulling her up. Aria wrapping her legs around me like this—vicelike—turned and churned these reactions of mine. I needed to taste her; this locking from her body kept me to her neck, the strength of her jaw. I lost some part of my head, wanting to give hers; I kissed her and kissed her, finding this flamed darkness as the depths of hers that I wanted.

Angling her head this way and that, Aria smiled over this change in me. She laughed in that superior way of hers. Her laughter resounded through her skin; her club's music did the same, right over my lips. She did this as she draped her arms down my back—holding me, gripping me, staying in my locked hold.

She did this as she stared right at Morinth somewhere behind me.

Staring at our voyeur—running her nails up my scalp, cascading my hair down my back.

Leering at our voyeur—leaning her head back in delight each time I pleased her just right.

Marking her territory of me even more, Aria made sure to whisper in my ear: "Oh, I think she's jealous… You can't see her right now. But she's utterly fuming. She doesn't seem to like me very much. You'll have your work cut out for you." Entrancing, she held my face in her hands, controlling. She then bored her eyes into mine, fully needing me, as if she was about to… "We're obviously going above and beyond what Samara asked us to do. Still, I don't really care about that right now. You've made me wait long enough…" Her eyes eclipsed to black—"I'm finally letting you in, babe. Let's see if you can handle it."

Trusting Aria to watch my back, to care for me—she pulled me deep into this maelstrom of her being.

Familiar emotions in this embraced eternity swirling, storming:

Aria melded with me, mapping her nervous system onto mine. Blending together. The same, the same, the same experiences, the same memories, the same senses and thoughts and feelings. Just as I had witnessed everything of her in Insomnia before—as an observer—Aria pulled me into the same, this time on the inside. Not such a gentle melding, these experiences of hers wrecked and wracked at me. Challenging, challenging; constantly asking these question of me—'Will you proceed?' 'Will you stay?' 'Will you find some fatal flaw of mine and leave?' 'Will you decide you don't like me anymore; will you decide to leave because of it?' 'Will you take my heart in your hands, only to break me completely?'

Always these challenges, this skepticism and uncertainty:

As if Aria herself existed as these words of black and white. As if she embodied the natural climb that had brought us to this point. The climbing, the challenges, the questions of will you, will you, will you stay? Will you keep going? Always those questions as my life had gone on, putting me through these trials and tribulations. As if I could just decide to escape the evils that had tried to break me down. As if I could expunge myself of the difficulties in my history. As if I could take some easier road, inviting more people along for a smoother ride. And the watchers always watching us, just as our voyeur did—they got to decide if our lives had any meaning. They got to judge whether or not Aria meant enough to them. As if anyone else could ever be the judge. As if anyone could ever decide whether our existence was enough; if they cared enough about us to go on, and to stay by our side. But Aria's essence kept up those same difficulties, putting up roadblock after roadblock in my way. Yet still I kissed her through this unknown. Still I kissed her through this night, this vortex, this terrible storm of her fears and insecurities.

This startled surprise Aria moaned through my mouth made everything worth it.

She broke away, then, breaking her eyes back to her naturally cold blue.

She broke our eye contact, too. Making me wonder even more about that blue. After all, this hook of her heeled boots behind my back had tightened. She didn't want me to, but she still gave the order:

"Set me down, Shepard."

Careful, considerate, I let go of her legs, one at a time.

Aria went back to standing on her own. Standing up against this wall. Standing right against me, breathing so much harder. She no longer kept an eye behind me, making me realize Morinth had likely left by now. I still sensed her somewhere in the club. Somewhere close. Just not close enough to watch this aftermath of ours. I briefly wondered how Morinth felt about this; what I could expect of her once we did finally speak. If my encounter with Aria would somehow change her, change her approach. But once Aria started collecting herself again, she had my focus. And I really wanted to ask if she was okay.

At a time like this, I knew Aria would take my concern as condescending.

So I asked instead, "Did you expect me to run away?"

Not quite meeting my eyes, she muttered, "Yes, I did."

"Why?"

"Everyone else did," justified Aria. "Every single one of them. Every single time. Whenever I would have sex with someone before, it was just physical. But the second I tried to meld with them, they'd get scared. Even a brief glimpse of what you saw—it was enough to scare them off. The one thing about myself I can't change…and it's always made women reject me. Nyreen was the only one who at least tried to come back after the fact. She knew she was wrong. She knew she had hurt me. It was too late."

"I can't wrap my head around that," I admitted.

"What, the fact that I've been outright rejected countless times?"

"No… The fact that someone could possibly give up on you. That they could even think to run away. Even if I were afraid of you, babe, I would still stay. I would try to understand you, appreciate you. This passion I have for you would never let me leave like that. My feelings would overrule my sense instead."

Aria curled her lips into a small smile. "And would you call me back for more?"

I repeated back to her: "Every single time."

This repetition made Aria cover her mouth with her hand, turning away from me.

Needing anything of her, I moved closer—as close as I possibly could, what with us up against this wall. I held her hips and settled my lips over her face. Anything I could reach. Anything to tell her what I felt.

Like free-flowing water, Aria's words slipped through her gloved fingers—

"This is why I fell for you, Shepard. Right away. Immediately. The second I saw your eyes on that screen, I fucking knew. I knew you were strong enough to handle me. I knew you had to be sensitive enough, somewhere, to care for me like this. I can't love like a normal person…but you don't mind that at all."

"Aria, you are who you are. I can't hold that against you. I just want you to know you can lean on me."

"I've always known… But I might actually start to believe it now." She freed her face from that clamp, stroking mine with her hand instead. So much softer, gentler. Somewhere, I felt my bond with Aria deepening, opening; truly awakening. "I'll let you handle your mission. We'll finish this later tonight."

Yet we had nothing to finish, and Aria knew that.

Even this innocent disagreement in my eyes made her brighten more.

She gave me a good luck kiss, used her omni-tool to transfer something to mine, then went on her way.

This time I watched her go, having memorized the weighted sounds of Aria's leather shifting. The dim chimes of her silver accessories; forever fashion, forever her. Indelible as she was and would always be.

Wandering around Afterlife's VIP section again, everyone could see my thoughts in my face.

Just an overwhelming sense of contentment. Not enough to make me look like some pushover. But enough to show this serenity in me. Nothing could touch me. Nothing could frazzle me. Not like this.

Not at all a coincidence, I spotted Morinth waiting for me nearby. A near-replica of her mother Samara, I could've mistaken the two—if not for Morinth's clear penchant for tight, dark clothing and a darker aura about her. She had her arms folded, standing against the wall. I had expected her to play it cool at first. To appear nonchalant; to try dropping some casual one-liner. But as I approached her, she said nothing at all. She wouldn't even look at me. Instead, Morinth seemed…rather subdued. She just stared at the ground, hoping or not hoping I wouldn't say something. Yet I was clearly in her thoughts. I felt that energy radiating from her, exactly as she could feel mine radiating from me. What was up with her?

Morinth saw the question in my face, now, as I stood before her.

"So it's true," she muttered. "You did know I was watching you. Guess I'm not as subtle as I thought."

"Do I know you from somewhere?" I asked.

"No—but maybe that's a good thing." Warming up a bit, she finally looked at me, giving away an odd brokenness in her stare. "My name's Morinth. You're the most interesting person in this place. Aside from the manager… I've heard all about her during my travels." She hesitated, thinking. Not quite scheming. But definitely planning. "Are you…in the military? That uniform of yours is definitely Alliance."

It suddenly occurred to me that Morinth knew exactly who I was.

For better or for worse, nearly everyone had heard of me at some point.

They had heard of me…and my ship, my team, my crew. Their individual names, too.

"Yeah, I am," I replied, keeping this game going. "The name's Shepard. Commander Shepard."

"Well, Commander Shepard. Since you have a break from your girlfriend, you should make the most of it. I've got a booth over here in the shadows. Why don't you come sit with me? We should talk some more—away from all these prying eyes. I think we could learn a lot from each other. Don't you?"

"Lead the way," I offered, gesturing as such.

Morinth let out a sound of amusement, heading over to the secluded table.

She sat on her side of the booth; I sat on my side. Opposite one another. She had a bottle of alcohol in the center of the table. Two empty glasses pre-filled with ice. But the ice had started melting already. The gathered heat in this club had thawed the cubes back to water. However long those glasses had spent sitting on this table, all in Morinth's planning and contemplation, that thawing spoke to sadness. And that same sadness I read in Morinth's eyes. Of course she tried to give me her best, confident stare. She had her legs crossed beneath the table. Her arm lounging along the top of her booth's seat. Looking calm and collected, as she should have: Morinth could've kept it together. She could've fooled anyone into thinking she had it going on. But the longer she went without speaking, the more I saw the truth.

And when she did speak, Morinth gave away her real feelings:

"Some nights I come here and there's no one interesting to talk to. Some nights, there's just one person. Tonight, it's you. Why is that?"

That wistful longing misted clear through her tone.

"You're looking for something, Morinth. Not everyone has it. You must think I do."

"I'm—looking for something?" She said the words as if she'd never considered them before.

"There's only so much you can get out of the music and the drinks here. You need more. A lot more."

"That's true, actually," agreed Morinth. "I'm always on the lookout for—" She stopped herself. "It's just, the way you said it, I thought you meant something different. Something completely different for once."

"That is what I meant."

"Then all of this." Morinth gestured to the people around; the overall atmosphere. "You think it's fake?"

"I don't think it's fake. Aria is a master entertainer and entrepreneur. She knows how to give the people what they want. But you can't deny some of them are only here to forget. To forget their problems."

"Yeah…I might've noticed that during my time here."

I challenged her, "Are you the same?"

Slowly but surely, Morinth admitted, "You know what? I probably am."

"I take it no one's ever pointed it out to you."

"Why would they?" she sneered, cynical of a sudden. "Too many people are simple, Shepard. Set the mood with a sexy vid, soften them up with some Hallex, make some promises you'll never keep, and they'll give up whatever the hell you want. There's no thrill. There's no challenge. There's no meaning! It's all pointless in the end. No one gives a damn about who we truly are. Because the second they get a glimpse, they end up running away. So people are really just disposable to me. And I wish I didn't care."

"So if they're disposable, what does that make you?"

"It makes me…insignificant. It doesn't matter what I do. Doesn't matter who I hurt, who I kill. I get my thrills and I go on my way. I leave the rest behind. But you're dredging it all right back up. Like magic."

"I don't think it's magic to point out the truth. This is how you choose to live. You're unhappy, though."

This realization glowing in Morinth's eyes—

She accepted my observations with such ease. As if we knew each other like that. As if we'd known each other for a much longer time than these minutes we'd spent talking. In a way, it felt like I knew Morinth, too. She felt familiar to me. Some of what she said undoubtedly reminded me of Aria, yes. There was more to it than that. It almost seemed like I got to speak with someone else like this. Like I spoke to a specific someone else through Morinth, finding this someone so similar to her. This someone who'd likely turned to nihilism as her only option, her only solution. The last time we'd spoken in Insomnia, she hadn't given away these exact sentiments. But I could only assume how much she wanted to keep watching the world burn. The world, the galaxy, the universe and all—or just one specific enemy of hers.

Ashley would find some way to turn her one true nemesis to ashes.

Morinth had moved past that stage. Her eyes belied more of that brokenness. The endpoint in her spirit.

She knew she had done wrong. She knew she had chased after her murderous thrills for selfish reasons.

More than that, she seemed to have found what she was looking for in me.

"Do you want to get out of here? My apartment's nearby, and I want you alone."

For the mission's sake, I agreed to head out with her.

As we went, I sensed Samara's stare on us. She watched us leave together. She watched us go. And she did what she needed to do to follow us, discreetly. I knew Samara would complete her mission in the end. I just had to help her get there. I just had to do this one last thing. Keeping Morinth distracted—

Or so I thought.

Because once we arrived to her apartment, I spotted the change. This metamorphosis about Morinth. Not an outright shift. More of a continuation of what she'd showed me back at Afterlife. The wide open space of her home, she had filled with trophies, weapons, knick-knacks. Maybe gifts from other suitors. A single bottle of drug pills on the table by the couch. Hallex, maybe. Yet Morinth focused the most on the window. The picture window behind one end of the couch, overlooking Omega's gilded skyline.

She stared out that window for a moment. Just thinking. As if waiting for something.

I sat down on the other end of the couch, keeping her in my sights.

For some reason, Morinth had realized another endpoint. As if my presence here was the end of the road for her. I wasn't sure if she had accepted it. Though this weight about her suggested that she had.

Still staring out at the metropolis of pale gold, she mused, "Before I got to Omega, things were pretty easy for me. I used to love clubs—people, movement, heat. I could always hear the bass, like the drums of a great hunt, out for your blood. I hated having to leave where I was for this place. But I was on the run. I had no other options at the time. Or at least that's what I believed." Morinth glanced at me with the weight of her thoughts. "I haven't been able to do anything here. All I've been able to do is watch people. Observe them. Thinking and fantasizing about what I could do to them. Then all that thinking and fantasizing shifted. I started…thinking too much. About my life. The choices I've made. You know?"

"Maybe I do," I mentioned.

"Yeah, maybe you do," she humored, as if she knew better. "I used to think my life was so exciting. Like I was taking some big stand. Proving the genetic destiny of my species. Living out my freedoms instead of staying holed up in a monastery somewhere… Turns out, you were right. I was just running away. Running away from my problems. Trying to forget while wrapping up my justifications in some fantasy. Now that I've basically been confined on this station, it's made me see what's real. Then there's you."

Morinth came over and sat down next to me.

This flicker of hesitation in her eyes:

Like she knew this was it.

She knew her time was up.

Still, she faced me anyway. Still Morinth draped her arm over the side of the couch, needing me closer.

So familiar, again—Morinth's eyes darkened to full black.

"Look into my eyes, and tell me you want me. Tell me you'd kill for me. Anything I want."

As familiar as this was, I felt no pull, no sway from her whatsoever.

"I'm not the victim you were hoping for," I told her.

The crystalline blue of her irises returned, flush with disappointment.

"No, you're not a victim, Commander… You're exactly who I knew you were. And now she's here with you."

Samara walked through the front door, then, biotics pulsing around her form as she approached us.

"Morinth."

Pure determination—she aimed her powers right at her daughter, blasting her against the window.

Morinth shut her eyes and grit her teeth from the pain, to keep from crying out. But she said nothing.

"Have you nothing to say?" challenged Samara, digging that pain in more. "Will you remain silent?"

Still nothing.

Only a murderous glare Morinth gave before her apathy took over, draining her back to that shell.

"You cannot fool me, Morinth. You may believe you are worthy of redemption, but you can never earn such a thing. Not after all you have done. All the lives you have stolen, the dreams you have ended, the families you have broken! Least of all ours… You knew what you did when you chose to run away. And you showed no remorse. You do not deserve mercy. You are a disease to be purged—nothing more!"

Samara blasted Morinth harder against the window, cracking the surface with that force, that weight.

Then she used her powers to throw her daughter to the floor. Limp, ragdolling; Morinth fell onto her back, broken and defeated already. Still Samara went over to her. Still Samara knelt over her, grabbing Morinth by her neck. Still Samara pulled her clawed hand back, fully prepared to end this long, long war.

"Find peace in the embrace of the goddess."

That sound of a powerful force crushing through flesh and blood and skull.

Morinth's remains lay there on the floor. She bled out from the neck up, up from which nothing remained. The rest of her body stayed frozen in place, just among the strewn furniture of her apartment. Only a few moments ago, she had spoken to me, spilled her heart out to me. Now, nothing.

I couldn't look away, even as I found this sight way too fucking familiar.

Samara knew.

"I apologize, Commander. My sudden actions must seem cruel. However, Morinth's dangers did not necessarily stem from her aberrations as an ardat-yakshi. She was a threat to you simply because she was sincere. I feared my plans had worked too well, and that she would decide to open up to you. As thoughtful and considerate as you are, I knew you would listen. And you would sympathize with her."

"So that's why you waited," I figured. "You knew Morinth was trapped here. You knew she couldn't take a victim, like you said before. You specifically wanted to demoralize her. You broke down her spirit."

"Yes," said Samara. "Morinth knew who you are. She knew I am on your team. She knew I wished to find her. The moment we arrived on the station, had Morinth been of a sound mind, she would have fled."

"You're telling me she gave up instead."

"I believe she did."

Ashley…

I finally looked away from Morinth, looking up to those cracks nearly shattering the window open, and then up to the ceiling.

Looking up, forcing my eyes to stay open—trying to dry this soaking sting in my sights.

"Shepard," whispered Samara, gently settling her hand over my arm. "I am sorry. I well and truly am."

Not knowing what to say, I tried to swallow this sting creeping up my throat now.

Why didn't she fucking warn me?

"Will you dismiss me from the team over my purposeful deceptions? Or will you allow me to stay?"

"I'm not dismissing you," I grumbled. "Then again, you achieved your goal. You pulled off what you set out to do. This was your mission as a justicar. What's the point in you staying on with me anymore?"

Samara almost sounded hurt. "I swore an oath to you. The most difficult of the justicar oaths, in fact."

"You did that back when we hardly knew each other. What's the point in you staying on now?"

"…my remaining reasons are—selfish. In that sense, I suppose my daughter and I are the same."

"Then what are these selfish reasons of yours?"

So unexpected, I watched the life return to Samara's eyes. Not that she had been dead or anything before. Just—dead behind the eyes. Devoid of any sincere spirit. From all her training, Samara had no doubt learned to shut off her emotions. To remove herself from any situation she faced. But that pale, murky blue of hers had finally crystallized back to light, back to life. She set aside the justicar, at last regarding me and speaking to me as an actual person. As much as she possibly could after all this time:

"Shepard, you have opened my eyes to the universe. Perhaps you have heard this saying before. It is something we asari express when we feel strongly toward another. But I do not simply mean this as an expression. My meaning is a literal one. When I swore my oath to you, we established a bond not unlike the one you share with Liara. I can always feel you next to me, even when you are not physically there. This has granted me a clairvoyance with the other people you share a connection with. I see them for what they are, plain as day. I can also see the entire world of your ego, and your unconscious mind."

"You mean—you can see Insomnia?"

"Yes," she confirmed. "Whenever I sleep, whenever I dream, I return to that place. I am fully aware."

So now that Aria had melded with me…

"Her time is soon," noted Samara. "Aria will know what she must do. She simply needs to adjust first."

Speaking of Insomnia—"I just realized. Even though Morinth couldn't meld with me, we still spoke honestly with each other. We still made a connection. Won't she be in that world now that she's dead?"

"Unfortunately, she will be. However, I will soon be elevated to a position of higher power in your mind. I will have to pursue Morinth once more in Insomnia. And when I find her, our war will reach its final end. There is a difference between killing someone here—in the mortal universe—and killing someone in Insomnia. In this sphere, one's spirit and energies merely leave the body, returning to their point of origin in the collective unconscious. But once someone is murdered in that collective—in Insomnia—the consequences reach unknown territory. They will disappear into the void once dead. It is unclear if they leave someplace else, or if that is the absolute end of the line for their energies. They can never return."

"And you've made the final decision that Morinth deserves no mercy."

"I cannot afford to give her the benefit of the doubt. Either I end her, or she takes advantage of my clemency, doing the same to others. I must prioritize the safety and well-being of Insomnia's citizens. After all, these are the people who look up to you, whether they have already died in this galaxy, or they yet live and dream on of you. They respect you. They share a connection with you—even if you have not met them. You are their hero. I cannot allow any harm to come their way. Not even from my daughter."

"Then what'll you do once you end her—again?"

Samara explained, "I will simply pursue other matters of justice, per my duties to you. As my captain."

I noticed, then, that Samara still had her hand over my arm. From when she'd apologized to me before.

Not once did she let go of me throughout the rest of our conversation.

As if making a point, Samara squeezed her touch around this sleeve of my uniform jacket. She stared down at my blues and golds, thinking. Wondering if she should tell me the rest of her selfish reasons.

"What is it?" I asked her.

Samara pained herself to admit, "This clairvoyance of mine is not always easy to deal with. I have all but embedded myself into your psyche. I see you for what you are as well. Beneath your hardened exterior, I have found this specific weakness of mine. You are very much an abandoned orphan, Shepard. Or perhaps a stray pup. And no matter my identity as a justicar, I will forever be a mother first and foremost. This is why I have gravitated toward you in my own ways—as your protector, your sentinel. Not once throughout our entire mission have I looked away from you. It is my greatest wish to serve."

This stinging in my throat, my eyes again.

Especially once Samara activated her biotics, again, kneeling before me with her head bowed.

This reminder, this do-over from what she had done for me back on Illium:

"I must be sworn to your service, so that I am never forced to choose between your orders and the Code."

Except now she did this as Morinth's blood steadily pooled toward us on the floor.

Samara didn't let the sight faze her. Not in this moment.

Instead, she reaffirmed her oath to me. Renewing her oath, re-swearing her oath:

"By the Code, I will continue to serve you, Shepard. Your choices are still my choices. Your morals are still my morals. Your wishes will forever be my code. By your choices, your morals, and your wishes, I will protect those closest to you. Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. Dr. Liara T'Soni. And most important of all, Aria T'Loak, your partner in life. No matter what comes to pass, it will be my duty to uphold your well-being. Whether I may do so through by following your orders, or by sacrificing myself for your loved ones, I will not hesitate. You have given me the greatest gift I could have hoped for. I shall now return the favor."

Eyes aglow as white, briefly, Samara stood anew, regarding me with the seriousness of her promise.

But I remained curious about what she said.

"Samara…what gift did I give you, exactly? The clairvoyance you have?"

"It is more than that, Shepard. At last you have returned to me…my humanity. I had left it behind long ago. Tossed it aside in favor of my black-and-white thinking, convinced it would only hinder me in my pursuits. Yet I see now how that was a mistake. I will instead press forward with my eyes wide open."

"I can respect that," I replied. Morinth, again. "Do you want to talk any more about what happened?"

That honesty from her, again: "What do you think I will say? What can I say? I just killed the bravest and smartest of my daughters. And soon I must prepare myself to do the same once more, elsewhere. There are no words. I will try another time. For now, show mercy on a broken old warrior and let us leave."

After leaving Morinth's apartment, I returned to Afterlife on my own. Samara headed back to the ship for some privacy; to reflect on everything that had gone down. I imagined she would go back to meditating in her room. Made me consider doing the same once I got back to the Normandy. I had done it every now and then lately, ever since Aria had suggested it to me back on Kahje. Clearing my mind like that did help me keep my focus. I considered making this occasional practice more of a habit instead.

But when I arrived to Aria's usual perch, I discovered she wasn't here.

Grizz told me to go up to Aria's loft instead. She had apparently given me permission to enter her home freely, right after the time we'd spent fooling around in the VIP section. When Aria used her omni-tool to transfer something to mine, this must've been what she'd given me. According to Grizz, I would find some instructions waiting for me by Aria's front door. So I headed up through the secret passageway.

Up at the top of Afterlife's tower, I found this entrance to Aria's place.

I unlocked the door with my new permissions and went inside.

I found this bar-like space of Aria's entrance area, this home I had witnessed from her memories. The entrance area branched off to two wings of the loft. Liselle's space on the left side; Aria's on the right. Absolute peace and quiet, with only the faintest sounds of the club's music thudding through. This homely continuation of Afterlife felt much warmer to me. And the loft smelled of roses already, wafting in from Aria's room. Mixed in with those scented flowers, a strong, icy bubbling soap also came through from Aria's bedroom, her bathroom. I imagined she was busy lounging in her hot tub right about now.

Just as Grizz mentioned, Aria had left a datapad for me by the door.

I picked up the note she'd written, smiling over her brevity:

Shepard,

Help yourself to my bar. Make yourself a drink. Then come find me. You'll know where I am.

Aria

Heading over to the bar-like kitchen, I found Aria's anticipations waiting for me.

She had already set out a wine glass. This bottle of Sancerre as well—the same white wine we'd had during our first date on Bekenstein. I smiled again, pouring myself this drink Aria had curated for me ahead of time. Then I brought the glass of wine with me, wandering down the wing to Aria's bedroom. This stronger smell of roses; this persistent shade of violet tinting her space, darkening but not darkening. Setting the mood of her calm, her hazed silence raised above Afterlife's goings-on. Out that window, past her generously-sized bed, I spotted the rest of Omega going on and on. Aria's room overlooked the main boulevard leading to her club. Even more people had packed into the line, hoping to get inside Afterlife at this booming hour of the night. They knew nothing of Aria's quiet way up here.

Savoring this exclusivity, I made my way to her bathroom.

This wide open space, dank with the building, heated mist from her hot tub:

Aria herself sat in that bubbling water in the center. Arms winged along the perimeter of her tub, she of course wore nothing in that heat. The bubbling water concealed just enough of her body. All I could see past her bare shoulders was her cleavage plunging down through the water. And Aria had the most pleased smirk on her face as she looked me over. Her face sweating from the heat, pores cleansing so naturally. The rest of her skin did the same, gleaming in this lightlessness of the room. She instead had a few wine-scented candles lit throughout the space, setting this mood even more. Something of the way my eyes had caught that light caught Aria's attention. She focused so intently on my gaze. Needing me.

"Have a seat, handsome," she directed.

Against this wall opposite her, Aria had set out a comfortable-looking chair for me. I took this seat as directed. Sipping my wine, I had the perfect view of Aria from here. She faced me directly. This perfect line between us. As that heated water cleansed her, she knew I wanted to do the same. As much as I swallowed this wine, I wanted to do the same of her. Everything about her. All night long and more.

Yet Aria needed to know first—"So. Did you touch her? Did the two of you…do anything of note?"

"No, I didn't touch her. She tried to meld with me. It didn't work. Then Samara found her. End of story."

"Mmm, I see," she said, pleased again. "Well, I'm glad that's settled. After we parted ways earlier, I came straight here. For some reason, the silence got me thinking too much. I started to…regret things."

"You regret letting me go off with her?"

"Yes, of course. You had your promises to keep, I know. I just wish you could've found some other way. You can already guess I watched the two of you. I understand your encounter downstairs wasn't sexually-charged. The two of you simply…talked. But once you left for her apartment, my surveillance ended there. I couldn't keep tabs on her anymore. I started worrying she would kill you instead."

"But you seemed confident I wouldn't fall under her sway. And you were right. I didn't."

Aria's sincerest regrets dimmed her eyes now. "That was my logic speaking earlier. The rest of my concerns weren't logical. Still, that's the point. This all happened at a bad time. After what we discussed before. What we did, what you said to me. Considering all that…I suppose I'm deeply attached to you."

I stood up without thinking.

Bringing my wine glass with me, I went over to her. Over to her side of the hot tub, behind her.

Aria had a towel set out on this side. I knelt down over the towel. Kneeling closer to her. I set my wine glass down elsewhere on the floor, out of the way. And I watched as Aria couldn't look at me. Even when I reached my hand out, touching her face, this seemly shape of her softened skin, she wouldn't. I turned her head toward me, as softly as her skin stayed against my hand. I felt this dam within the strength of her jaw. This dam holding back her many, many words unspoken, all for me, for both of us.

"Talk to me, babe," I requested. "Please. I need to know what you're thinking. How you really feel."

Even as she kept her eyesight angled away, Aria still shared, "I didn't expect any of this, that's all. You're heading off to Thessia soon. Letting the team have their shore leave before the suicide mission. And I'm staying here—at least for now. We already agreed I would meet you there. Once I wrap up my final loose ends here. Except now, I can't stand the thought of being away from you… I don't want you to go."

I could've reminded her it was just for a little while.

Maybe a few days at most.

But that wasn't the point. That wasn't what she needed right now.

So I moved in to kiss her instead—only for Aria to turn her head away.

These reminders of me being alone with another woman continued to sting her.

"Aria, I'm sorry."

"I know you are, Shepard." For now, Aria decided to get out of her hot tub. "Turn around."

Picking up my wine glass again, I stood up, turning my back to her. Aria exited the water, those cascading sounds drawing down the length of her body. I could hear Aria using that towel to dry herself off. I could hear Aria lathering her limbs with her special oils, moisturizing her skin. I busied myself by sipping this wine, even as my thirst continued to grow and grow. I kept listening to her. I kept hoping that maybe these unexpected setbacks wouldn't set us back. I only wanted us to keep moving forward.

Thankfully, Aria didn't see the point in holding grudges.

Maybe she wasn't in the mood for us to have sex in her bed tonight. But she at least held my free hand, once she had wrapped her body in that towel, concealing herself from me. She then guided me back to her room and over to her bed. She had me sit down first. Aria loomed there for a moment, standing over me. Thinking. Deciding. Making up her mind on what to do. Then she eased this half-full wine glass from my hand. She set my drink down on the nearest nightstand. I noticed she had a copy of The Prince there, surprising me. But then Aria surprised me more—taking my uniform jacket off. Kneeling down to the floor, to my feet, taking my shoes off. And then slipping my uniform pants from me. She left me only in the boyish cut of my sleeveless undershirt, my black boxer briefs. Yet she kept her towel on her body.

Aria then crawled into her bed, lying down behind me. Closer to the window. Leaving me on this side closest to the door. We had already fallen into this routine back on the Normandy. Whenever I was in her bed, Aria would let me stay nearer to the door. This time, she seemed to do it on purpose. As if making a point. Because the way she looked at me, her head comforted by the pillow beneath her, I sensed the rest of these changes. How she really, genuinely couldn't stand to be away from me now.

Not even for a moment.

Not even to run away from me in her undoubtable fears.

Aria eased me down to her, then, holding me like this. Holding my head to her chest. Holding the rest of me in a way I hadn't expected. This need from her could've overwhelmed me, quietly. But Aria meant no harm. I knew she didn't. She needed to run her hands through my hair. She needed to relax me, just as she did now. She needed to hear this breathing of mine, changing in response to her. How I couldn't let her go—after everything that had brought us to this point. How I fell in love with this sensation of her legs tangled with mine, skin on skin, this softness about her. She knew exactly how to take care of me.

I wasn't sure how long we stayed like this.

Only that Aria wouldn't look at me once it was time—once I had to go.

She at least let me kiss her goodbye. She let me promise to keep in touch: to call her, to message her throughout these handful of days. This longing of hers kept her quiet. Aria no doubt wanted to assert herself; to make me stay. Maybe she feared how that would make her look. Maybe she couldn't handle the implications of her possessiveness. Not yet. So she simply let me walk out the door without a word.

As that door locked behind me, I wanted nothing more than to go back.

But still, Aria wasn't ready for this. What this meant. What this spoke of us both.

Choosing to give her time, I made my way back down to Afterlife's main floor, and out to the boulevard.

Bray intercepted me near the docks. Smoking in patience, he had apparently waited for me to show up.

"Shepard," he grunted, putting out his cigarette. "Been meaning to chat with you. Got a minute?"

"Bray. If this is about Aria…"

"I know, I know—you're not big on talking about the boss behind her back. As you should. This'll be quick, though. I just…wanted to say thanks. It's obvious you're the reason why Aria's in a better mood these days. She doesn't allow us to mention her birthday, or give her gifts. You did what we couldn't."

"That's—surprising. I didn't think batarians were one for thank-yous. Not one of Aria's top lieutenants."

"We're not," taunted Bray. "I'm only telling you this because it's a big deal. Aria runs a tight ship around here. Just like I'm sure you do on the Normandy. Believe it or not, me and the rest of Aria's people wanna see her happy. There's just certain things we can't do. Certain things we can't bring up with her, can't talk about. We've gotta maintain our image, see. We do it for the boss. No idea if she knows that."

"I have a feeling she does know. She wouldn't keep you on with her otherwise."

"That's true. Maybe you're right. Keep on doing what you're doing, Shepard. Don't fuck this up and break her heart like everyone else did. I can't see you doing that. Still needed to get it off my chest."

"Well, I can appreciate that. Thanks for caring about her, Bray. I'll see you around."

Bray chuckled a bit as he went on his way. I continued onto the Normandy, wondering about him.

Once I made it back to my room, I sent Aria a message, letting her know where I was. She quickly wrote back her acknowledgment—and nothing more. Settling down on my couch, I pondered over the nature of her message, just how fast she had responded. I imagined Aria had waited to hear from me. Waiting myself, I hadn't yet set a course for Thessia. As late as it was, I knew not everyone had returned to the ship yet. I gave the stragglers some time, knowing they had probably lost track of time, off on their escapades and one-night stands or whatever else. So I searched through my omni-tool to busy myself.

By chance, I just so happened to stumble on an old email from the Alliance.

An old, automated email about my will. They had sent this to me while I was dead.

Of course that got me thinking. The last time I had named someone in my will, it was right before Ilos. Right before I thought I could've died. I had no one's name listed these days. No one to care for my estate, officially, in case something happened to me again. Now that this suicide mission was right around the corner…I had yet to pick another name. I had yet to make a decision about all of this.

The choice seemed obvious enough: whose name to put down here this time.

But I couldn't do it yet. Not right now. Not tonight. I wasn't ready to make this commitment again.

Instead, I settled down once more, meditating. Deepening my breathing. Deepening through this quiet. Deepening the depths of my thoughts; centering myself. Finding my focus again. Clearing my mind.

Patience and breathing, breathing and patience: I resolved myself to exist in these hours.

Half-alone, half-separate on my own—until Aria and I were both ready to exist in all time, together.