Requiem of the Goddess

by Yoshiyuki Ly

Goddess of mind, goddess of heart - closed-off without consent, She cannot flourish; unlocked to the universe in trust and control, She protects from all outside influences. Only one sits atop the throne of Shepard's subjectivity. Ashley/FemShep, Liara/FemShep. Miranda/FemShep, Aria/FemShep. Power plays, intense loves. Renegon Infiltrator FemShep. Spans the Mass Effect Trilogy.

62. Insomnia - Queen-Empress

"Heat Wave" from House of Cards

LXII. Insomnia – Queen-Empress

(Aria)

Waking up to this absolute heat within me and without:

Heat building from my late night with myself, with only my thoughts of Shepard now that she was away.

And such a stubborn, dry heat from outside, radiating inward through the windows of my loft.

As I sat up in my bed, looking around, this bedroom of mine seemed…different.

I expected to wake up to a certain darkness. That violet aura permeating my room. Not this—sunlight. Natural sunlight shining in through the windows. Along with that heat, burning and burning, as if I wasn't even on Omega anymore. As I left my bed, bringing my sheets with me to cover my bare body, I stared out those windows. I gazed out at an endless city heated in the light of an early dawn. A cloudless blue sky shined down on the busy red light district of—wherever the hell I was—with so many people already out for their early morning commutes. I had the perfect view of everything and everyone from these heights. The same heights as my loft overlooking the boulevard to Afterlife. Except I knew I wasn't on my station at all.

I wondered if this was a dream.

I had just gone to sleep, after all. I had spent hours with myself, with those frenzied fantasies of mine.

But then I remembered I had been here before. Somehow. Somewhere in my dreams. Multiple times.

Except this experience felt particularly real.

Holding my bedsheet around myself, I wandered outside my room.

"Liselle?" I called, hoping to find her somewhere. "Liselle, are you here?"

I didn't know why I thought my daughter would be here. Only that it seemed appropriate. This was her home, too, after all. And I was going to check her room—until I got a better look at my kitchen. That telling gift waiting for me on the bar table… I couldn't help this smile that widened over my face. Stepping softly, I found a gentler softness of these flowers. More flowers, more and more and more. One of the largest gatherings I had ever seen of roses in one place, taking up my entire kitchen. The paleness of these colors—lavenders and baby blues—made my home so much brighter than what I knew. This smell of roses also reached me. Stronger and stronger this inflorescence moved me as I found a note. A handwritten note from my girlfriend, hopeless romantic and all—as lucky as I was to have her.

From: Sol

To: Aria

Welcome home, babe. In case you're wondering, Liselle is here. She's in Insomnia. But she's at work right now, stationed at the same place she guards on Thessia in real life. You'll have to get into the office soon, too. Your keycard is in your room, on your nightstand. Remember to keep it with you at all times.

If you have no idea how to get to HQ, don't worry. Go ahead and get ready for the day. Once you leave your loft, we'll take care of everything for you. Whatever you need, consider it done. It's your privilege.

We won't see each other during the day. You'll have a lot on your plate.

I'm looking forward to seeing you later on tonight. I'll take you out, do it big. Just like always.

Intoxicated by these roses now, the captain's words sent me that much higher.

Because I remembered now. The many, many elaborate dates she had taken me on before. The time we had spent together. The sweltering nights and days we'd spent in my bed. And it was her. It was always the captain who came to see me, in the flesh. Not some copy. Not some replacement. From day one, ever since we'd first met on Omega, we'd had this going on. Not at all a secret. 'Just like always' indeed.

The only thing I didn't remember was the privilege she'd mentioned.

The captain had wrote, 'We'll take care of everything for you.' Who the hell was we?

Despite the confusion, I smiled over my flowers one more time, before returning to my room. I made absolutely sure to adjust my loft's internal cooling system. I figured this heat was just from the captain, from her body remembering it was summertime back home for her. But even though I hated the cold, I couldn't stand this fucking heat, either. Any extremes like this simply didn't work for me. Bathing, getting ready, I washed off this sheen of sweat that had coated over me during my sleep. And then I got dressed, finding this violet-black variant of my usual outfit. I had apparently chosen to keep the dress code at headquarters.

Fully-dressed and ready to go, I headed over to my nightstand.

The black of my keycard gleamed in the morning light:

Head of Egotism and Urban Development – Aria T'Loak

Wasn't I supposed to be the President by now? Or was that not how this worked?

Why was I still the same rank? Why hadn't my title changed? Did I somehow not actually get promoted?

Filled with more and more questions, I stared out the windows. Somewhere in the far distance, I saw what looked like Insomnia's headquarters. That impossibly tall building loomed over the rest of this world. I wasn't quite sure, but the building looked like it was currently under reconstruction. Scaffolding showing, construction machinery, and a skeleton of a larger edifice jutting up well past the sky's limit.

Yes, from that Millennium Tower Project. I remembered now.

Tali looked to be getting things done at a respectable speed. I would have to check up on her later on.

Once I left my loft, I found another answer to my questions.

Waiting for me outside my front door was…my personal security agent. Looking professional in her suit, looking exactly like the captain, she looked at me without that love I remembered from mine. Purely focused, purely impartial, she simply had a job to do. And even though the violet of her shirt marked her as mine, this agent had no such thoughts on her mind. She only cared about protecting me, serving me.

Or perhaps there was more to her she wouldn't allow me to see.

"Good morning, Boss."

"I suppose it is," I replied, not knowing what else to say. "Wait. You called me Boss. But I thought…?"

"You'll understand the situation soon enough," was all she said about that. "There's something else."

"All right. What is this something else, then?"

"You should consider relocating your home base," said my agent, gesturing to the loft. "Because Afterlife is a public location in Insomnia, anyone can access your club. Even though your home is secure, there's still a risk present. You're a target now that you've reached this elevated status. You've always been a target, but things have gotten worse lately. We'd like you to choose a more secure location."

"Yes, I see," I agreed. "I'll think it over. I appreciate you bringing this to my attention."

She merely gave me a stoic nod in response.

Still had no idea what she meant by we.

I sensed she wouldn't explain herself—again—as she soon led me off in another direction.

I expected us to go downstairs to the main floor. Maybe we would make our way to the nearest metro station, taking the train into work. I did remember doing this before, after all. Many times in fact. But my agent led me upstairs. Up to Afterlife's roof above my loft, out to this heat wave. Here in this helipad-like space, I found a skycar. A very specific skycar of a familiar chocolate brown luxury. Waiting for me.

Without a doubt, this was Shepard's same car from real life.

She only had access to the ground version of this car whenever she entered via the VR game.

I had to wonder if the captain had explicitly reserved this skycar just for me.

Nevertheless, my agent opened the backseat door for me. She made sure to hold my hand, graceful as ever as I slipped inside to this already-air-conditioned interior. This crisp smell of cinnamon flavored from the car's artificial freshener. The dark, smooth surfaces everywhere made such a stark contrast to the bright and sunny dawn outside. I settled into my seat with pride, eternally glad for this privilege of mine. And my agent went to the front, to the driver's seat. She started up the car as my chauffeur, taking off to the sky.

Such a soundless, smooth ride, seamlessly raising me above the rest of this city, this world, this universe.

Oddly enchanted, I stared out to Insomnia's sights past the glass.

The window next to me, next to my agent, and the windshield in front of her: all as a triptych of the sights outside. Always the brooding buildings towering tall and standing strong. Always the bustle of the city, with endless people going about their business. Always the winding highways through the metropolis, as ethereal bridges of solid sand winding between the seas; and the hotspots of public transportation hubs marveling, showing off as such spectacular statements of architecture, all Tali's work. Yet everyone and everything existed on the ground. If not the ground, then raised up along the many heights of the skyscrapers they inhabited. They could but gaze out at this skycar passing by, as a lone golden cloud passing through the space. Nothing and no one else had this free reign. Only I did.

Pleasantly pleased, I checked my omni-tool during the rest of the ride.

I found that I had clearance to make a few new hires. These hires looked to be for the executive board: the captain's highest-ranking crewmembers within Insomnia. The ones she trusted above everyone else. Joining those ranks would be EDI, Legion, Jack, and Samara. I went ahead and made the hires, expecting to see these new faces during the board meeting today. I also understood that these four now had no chance of dying during our final assault against the Collectors. Their names showed up on the crew manifest for HQ, along with everyone else with this special immunity. They would live no matter what.

Anyone not on this crew manifest remained in serious danger of dying past the Omega 4 Relay:

Captain of Insomnia – Commander Sol Shepard

Head of Egotism and Urban Development – Aria T'Loak

Vice President of Insomnia and Head of Science & Research Division – Dr. Liara T'Soni

Head of Metaphysical Engineering – Tali'Zorah vas Normandy

Head of Public and Mental Health Safety – Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko

Head of Weapons and Defense Mechanism Development – Garrus Vakarian

Head of Normandy Fight or Flight Program – Flight Lieutenant Jeff "Joker" Moreau

Co-Head of Metaphysical Cybersecurity – Enhanced Defense Intelligence (EDI)

Co-Head of Metaphysical Cybersecurity – Legion

Justice Commissioner of Insomnia – Justicar Samara

Head of Psychological Control & Decay Prevention – Jack

Reading this list only confused me more. Now we had no President whatsoever. Wasn't the VP supposed to step up in this instance? Yet instead, my name was just above Liara's. But no title change for me. Why?

Not to mention, Miss Cerberus Cheerleader was no longer on this manifest at all.

I remembered what Shepard had said before, worrying about Miranda possibly dying to the Collectors now. Still, as cold as it sounded, this wasn't my problem. Shepard would find some way to handle it. I knew she would.

With the ongoing work for the Millennium Tower Project, my agent landed the car elsewhere at HQ.

A separate roof, so to speak, allowed us to reach the 60th floor of the building practically right away.

Out of curiosity, I went to the main control panel on this floor. These controls made HQ itself seem like a ship. This panel led to the boss' office. The office that should've been mine now. Except my keycard wouldn't allow me access. Why hadn't the captain given me a new keycard? Why wasn't I fully at the top of the pack? Something was clearly missing, clearly amiss, and I couldn't figure it out on my own.

Frustrated, I made my way to my office. My agent followed somewhere behind, purposely unseen.

All this space, this decadent space of dark marble and picture windows, and all I had was my couch.

My couch, and a single vid screen along the wall nearby.

I went and sat down over this familiar leather, settling in. We still had some time before the board meeting this morning. So I turned on the screen, expecting to find Shepard's perceptions in real life. I certainly did, finding that she and the team had made it to Thessia by now. They'd arrived to Little Liara's house—the ridiculous glass mansion that had belonged to Benezia before, passed onto her daughter now. I watched the team file in through Shepard's eyes; watched Zaeed and Jack and Kasumi wander the halls, impressed by all the space around; watched Javik making snarky, elitist comments about asari homes compared to Prothean ones, prompting annoyed and defensive reactions from Tali and Liara, of course; and I watched Samara and Mordin wandering outside to the park beside the mansion, and Garrus and Kaidan and Joker working the television in the bigger living room, and Legion and EDI observing everyone and everything as usual. I couldn't spot Vega anywhere. And especially not Miranda.

After a short while, Zaeed went over to Shepard in the kitchen.

"Hey, you," he said, gruff as ever. "Gonna head out soon. My girlfriend agreed to meet me. She's not too far away, over in Serrice. If I'm lucky, might convince her to come down here to Armali for a nice time."

Shepard asked him, "So you're not too sure what'll happen with her?"

"Dunno. She's stubborn as a mule. Got a temper worse than the meanest krogan, too. I told her I'd be out here today. I could tell she didn't believe me. Maybe seeing my fucked up mug again'll convince her I'm legit. That I'm serious about this whole goddamn thing. I've just gotta take the risk and go see her."

"Well, I hope things work out, Zaeed. I'm guessing you don't need me with you for this."

"Nah, I'm good. You've got enough going on, Shepard. I'm sure there's others who need your company."

"Maybe," allowed Shepard, noticing how Liara stared at her. "I'll see you around, then. We'll be here."

Cutting the implicit line for our leader's attention, Javik went up to her next.

"Commander," he stated. "It intrigues me that we have arrived to the asari homeworld. This world once belonged to the Protheans. We conquered these lands and her people when we arrived. Your asari refuses to accept this. I now wish to find solid evidence to prove what occurred here."

Shepard knew better. "Javik, Liara already knows the truth. She just doesn't like the way you say it."

"'How I say it'? What does my tone matter? I speak only the truth. She should take me at my word."

"Listen, how about we settle this someplace else? We can take a trip to the Temple of Athame. You, me, Liara. We'll have ourselves a history lesson. You'll see for yourself that Liara's no stranger to the truth."

"Hmm, yes," agreed Javik. "I should like to see this religious structure with my own eyes. My people did not wish for the asari to worship us as gods. I am eager to learn how we have been erased from history."

After the two of them made plans for the temple, Liara scrounged up the courage to approach her next.

"Hello, Shepard," she mumbled. "I wanted to ask first… How are you doing?"

"I'm doing pretty well, Liara," said Shepard, smiling a little. "What about you? You good?"

"I… I might be, yes. Things have certainly gotten better over these past few days."

They both went quiet then.

Shepard stared at Liara in concern through her smile. Both at once, mixed and mixing as friction.

Liara allowed Shepard to perceive her this way, appearing to need the attention. This specific attention.

The vermillion glow of Thessia's dawn had fully cascaded through the windows now. That color collected inside the mansion, the space around them. The red seemed to redden the energy between them, heating and heating. Right by the kitchen, Tali sat with the oblivious guys in the living room, clearly keeping an eye on the pair. Liara sensed her attention, sensed her support, and stayed grounded in this silence. Shepard knew they had that other attention; she remained in this half-guarded, half-open state.

"Liara. You came up to me for a reason. What's on your mind?"

"Well, Shepard. That depends on how honest you wish for me to be."

"I always want you to be honest," insisted Shepard. "Completely honest. That's never changed with me."

Liara found the boldness to say, "I don't think you really mean that. Not with me. And not with this."

That small smile on Shepard's face vanished.

She went back to her unreadable distance instead. Expressionless.

Having expected this, Liara gave no reaction. She instead looked around. Observing the space. She appeared to sense my sense of them, knowing I watched them, how I watched them. Liara of course knew about this place. She knew what I was capable of. And so her boldness seemed that much more.

"Shepard, let's not do this here. I am happy to join you and Javik at the Temple of Athame today. But after that, you and I should speak alone. Elsewhere. I already have someplace in mind. Will you join me?"

"Is this…another date? Like before. The last time we were here."

Liara smiled with ease. "It is more of a friendly date. But if you still need time, then I will understand."

Still neutral, Shepard said, "I'll come along. We'll talk then."

"Thank you. For now, I'm heading up to my room. I need to take a nap before we leave. I'll see you later."

I saw that veiled wariness in Shepard's eyes as she watched Liara go.

I wasn't sure what she sensed. What she perceived; what she judged to be true or not true.

But, I had to give Liara her props. She knew how to keep Shepard guessing. Whether or not that was her intention, I remained intrigued by this whole thing. There was just something about that girl. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. It would have been easy for me to put my foot down—to pull her aside once she inevitably showed her face here in Insomnia, to have a talk with her. Yet for some reason, I didn't see the need to do that. Little Liara had her place on this stage. Her place came bundled with those feelings of hers—her feelings for Shepard—as a two-package deal. We couldn't have one or the other. I simply had to trust that she knew better than to come for my gig. She had to know better, right?

As I watched Shepard return to the Normandy, strolling through the serene beauty of Liara's hometown, someone entered my office.

That couldn't have been Liara already. Not nearly this soon.

I instead heard the chimes of a chain-collar; the gentle padding of paws over my office floor.

Major soon arrived to my side, eyes brightened in an unexpected joy. She actually looked glad to see me. Tail wagging, she carried a note in her mouth. A note for me, I assumed. I was just caught off-guard by how happy she looked this time. I couldn't help feeling as if she'd learned much more about me since our first meeting, when she accompanied Shepard before. Because she even sat down at a respectable distance from me. Not getting too close; not testing the waters. She waited for me to give her that permission.

"Come here, Major," I allowed, beckoning to her with my hand.

She moved toward me with such a gentle sweetness. One I hadn't expected, again. Closer now, Major sat down just by my leg. The length of her tail occasionally brushed against my boots as she waited some more. That note remained in her mouth. And Major remained eager to deliver it to me. Rather fond of her patience, I accepted the note now. Major watched me open it with a quiet excitement. I was never really a dog person, but I did enjoy her tender, respectful disposition. Today, now, no matter my outward mood or my boundaries, Major seemed happy to respect my rules. She didn't judge me. So I found my own private fondness for her. Not to mention, she reminded me of someone. Someone very special to me…

Hey Boss,

I've been waiting for you to wake up for a while now. Glad you finally made it.

I bet you're wondering about your rank. Why your title hasn't changed yet. You want that big promotion. I know you do. After all, there's a huge leadership vacuum going on right now. Sure, you're the de-facto leader of the executive board. Liara's your VP. But if you want to make things official, you have to prove yourself. Either way, you'll always be the successor. You'll have the perks, the privileges. So there's that.

If you really want that top spot, you'll have to take it for yourself. So let's just give it a bit of time first. When that time comes, I'll find you.

One Mind, One Master.

P.S.—Major wants to spend a little time with you today. She wants to get to know you better. Will you let her?

Even as Major continued to adore me in patience, I felt this sinking feeling in my core.

She hadn't signed her name—but I knew exactly who this letter was from.

After everything, of course she held this final piece. This last thing I needed to do to protect Shepard.

But I remembered that human saying: about how one should never make a deal with the devil…

Sensing my troubles, Major whined in worry, concerned for me now. She lowered her head to my lap. Ears flattened, eyes fixated on me, her empathy grew and grew. I smoothed my hand over her head, surprised by how much she'd managed to comfort me like this. I couldn't spot any malice from Major at all. I couldn't honestly tell myself she was in on some scheme; that her master had trained her to trick me somehow. No, just like any other animal, Major remained innocent. Exactly as I needed her to be.

Major's ears perked up. She kept her head over my lap, yet she seemed much more excited all of a sudden. As her ears angled back and forth, I heard someone else enter my office. They knocked on the wall next to the door—after they'd already entered—announcing their presence that way.

"Good morning, Boss," sounded Liara's voice as she headed over this way. "May I come in?"

"Go right ahead," I droned, seeing as she was already here.

Major wagged her tail some more, clearly happy to see her old friend.

Liara beamed over this surprise, petting Major's head still in my lap. She paused, then, wondering if she should sit down or remain standing. As annoyed as I was over her unannounced visit—and this ongoing matter with my non-promotion—Liara read my face well enough. And so she remained standing; remained smiling for some damned reason. Once again, there was something about her. Something about the way the light shined over the black of her lab coat today. Little Liara existed in such extremes lately. Extreme depression or extreme happiness. That in-between space had eroded away from her.

"I am relieved to see you're awake," she started off. "This will make things easier for us. So please allow me to reintroduce myself—now as your Vice President. I'd like to re-familiarize you with the agenda."

"Yes, sure. I'm listening."

"After the previous boss stepped down, you inherited her authority. Or…most of it, anyway. It is my duty to assist you here at Insomnia's headquarters. I also have my post in the lab, working to regulate the captain's emotions. But I am available to help you with whatever you decide. That is your discretion."

I wondered, "So, does this make you the Normandy's executive officer? In real life."

"Not yet… Not officially. Shepard and I have yet to have the conversation. Once we do, you will know."

"Well, I'd like to congratulate you on basically replacing Miranda in this way. You got your revenge."

Liara remained professional. She couldn't give into any sort of vindictiveness. Not openly. Not like this.

Somewhere, I imagined she felt her own pleasure. Her own satisfaction with this comeuppance. After all, I saw that drive of hers. The drive Liara had to prove herself to Shepard, to the captain. Of course she would never admit it. Little Liara of all people would never show her raw ambitions. But she had them. And I respected her more for it.

"About Miranda," she segued, differently. "The ex-boss had certain priorities. She wished to expand Insomnia accordingly, in order to keep everyone in the galaxy within this network. Or at least as many people as possible. She ordered you to aid in this expansion, adding more lands wherever possible."

"Oh, I remember," I said, smirking now. "I followed her little rules to a T. In the process, I noticed a gaping flaw in her plans. We're missing significant percentages of the population compared to real life."

Liara worried, "We're missing portions of the population, you mean? Certain species, maybe?"

Stroking Major's smooth fur again, I explained—"Yes, out of everyone, we have plenty of humans, asari, quarians, krogan, and turians. No shortages there. In fact, I'd say we have an abundance of those species. Quarians are overrepresented in the population, for example, given how few of them actually exist in the Migrant Fleet today, or even as exiles elsewhere. On the other hand, there's the salarians, batarians, volus, drell, hanar, elcor, vorcha, and others like the yahg. Hardly any of them showed up in the data during the last census. It's almost as if there's something blocking them from arriving here."

"That sounds troubling… I can't imagine what would be getting in the way. And why those species, specifically?" Liara remembered—"When you have some free time, I recommend going to where the Temple of Athame is located in this world. Perhaps the structure will provide the answers we need."

"Hmm, interesting. I'll be sure to do that." What I'd been meaning to ask her—"Liara, you have to know what else is on my mind. Why don't we have an actual President? Isn't that supposed to be you now?"

Liara looked everywhere except at me. "You mean how the Vice President is meant to take over—in the event that the President resigns, or is indisposed or otherwise incapacitated?"

"Obviously."

"Well, Aria, the easiest explanation is that this isn't a democracy. That's not how things work here. Sol is still the captain. Being her Vice President does not mean that I am heir-apparent to this empire of her mind. This is instead a permanent position. No matter how much I end up disappointing the captain, she will never seek to terminate me. It is a double-edged sword, as she will always forgive me for my sins. Yet even with her forgiveness, I am ineligible for any promotions. That simply isn't possible for me…"

"So I don't have to worry about you competing with me."

Those bright blues of Liara's eyes brightened even more from the daylight outside.

"No, you don't," she replied, ever sincere. "Though I understand you aren't one to grow complacent or comfortable. You are paranoid. Forever wary of anyone taking you down, just as you did to the others in your way. I respect you, Aria, for clawing your way to the top. But you still have a very long way to go."

Why did she say that like she knew so much more than I did?

Plus the way she kept smiling at me…

"Aria, it is best for you to speak your mind. Otherwise, our working relationship won't go anywhere."

"What the hell do you know, Liara?" I questioned. "Are you holding something over my head? Really."

Liara glanced at that note over my couch, speaking with wisdom: "Your ruthlessness is another double-edged sword, I'm afraid. It is a trait the captain finds attractive, admirable. But with it, you are also capable of causing untold chaos in this world. I am curious to see how you will go about this. If you will take the long view, risking short-term damage, or if you will take the dangerous, yet expedient option."

The danger radiated from this fucking note, nearly setting the words aflame.

"Then tell me," I asserted. "What is the long view in this case? Which is the safer option?"

"Simply waiting for the head office to become available to you. But it might not happen in time, before the war begins. The captain could be vulnerable. She won't want to sit around while people are dying. Before she left, Miranda sabotaged the systems that would've facilitated this change. She created these systems herself during the Lazarus Project, when she forced the first change before. Tali was able to activate the appropriate self-repair modules remotely. The repairs will still take time. Had Miranda not tampered with anything, you would have been able to enter the office. You could have made yourself the captain's protector by now. You would have received your promotion."

Of course.

"So what is the dangerous, yet expedient option?"

"You already know the answer to that, Aria."

"And I'm supposed to choose?"

"Yes, you are. Only you can make this decision. No one else."

From this measured stare of hers, Liara already seemed to know my decision well ahead of time.

"I'll let you think things over," she said, petting Major again. "Something tells me you need a moment to yourself. Why don't I bring her with me? The board meeting is due to start soon. We'll meet you there."

I gave my permission as a single nod.

Liara and Major went on their way, leaving me to this temporary silence.

Gazing out to the city beyond, I felt this weight bearing down on me. Because I could wait. I could wait and wait and wait. Waiting for the repairs to happen automatically on their own. Waiting to enter the head office normally and make the necessary changes. But there was no telling how long that could take. Liara had also brought up a valid point. Shepard wouldn't want to sit around and wait for anything. I could see it now—she would not want to wait on the sidelines while entire worlds and civilizations fell to the Reapers. Something like that could seriously harm our relationship. I saw her growing moody, distant, irritable. Hating me for holding her back. Resenting me for the power I held, making this kind of decision for her, without her.

And then there was this note.

This other, supposed ally of mine.

This devil waiting in the wings. Just waiting for me to slip up and trust her.

But from the sounds of things, I didn't really have a choice, did I?

Doubling over in my seat, letting my frustrations, my helplessness show to no one, I contemplated. Contemplated, contemplating. Thinking, thinking, and thinking without managing to decide anything.

All I could do during these moments—was look at the vid screen on the wall.

I watched as Shepard continued onto the Normandy. Taking her time, taking the scenic route.

She found such beauty in Thessia's skies, seeing me there in those blended reds, eternally and forever.

---

Arriving to the board room, I found Major sitting just outside by the door. Practically standing guard, she seemed to have joined in with the faceless Alliance marine sentry next to her. But she perked up once she saw me. I glanced down at her in interest, more or less warmed up to her by now. Major appeared content to stay right where she was. So I went ahead and continued inside on my own, knowing my agent still followed me, somewhere. Somewhat distracted, I wasn't fully paying attention as I went on:

Entering the room, I almost took that same chair. The same chair closest to the door where Miranda had stuck me before. The same place, the same chair she had used to humiliate me, just because she could.

But then I remembered we had new hires today.

And I remembered even more—

More as every single person in this room stopped their chatter immediately. They all stood up for me. Liara, Tali, Kaidan, Garrus, Joker, EDI, Legion, Samara, and Jack. They each recognized me. They each respected me in their own ways. Like night and day from before. Before with that fucking humiliation.

I stopped in my tracks.

Spotting this barely-veiled surprise in my face, they all smiled now.

"What's up, boss-woman?" greeted Jack, giving me a thumbs-up. "You gonna come in here or what?"

Joker grinned, gesturing to the head of the table. "Yeah, your seat's waiting for you. It's brand new!"

EDI added, "We assumed you would not wish to inherit the previous chair."

"Yes," said Legion. "We have replaced the old one with a new one."

Tali and Liara both giggled at me, the two of them reminding me of my daughter.

Samara seemed all-knowing as she said, "Good morning, Boss. I am glad to see you are doing well."

Garrus and Kaidan, meanwhile, gave me nods of approval.

Not wanting to appear clueless, I continued on to my new seat. And when I got there, I found this belonging of mine. The plate with this engraving on it, listing my name and my rank. Still the Head of Egotism and Urban Development. Nothing had changed at all—except for these stuffy formalities.

I looked to everyone still standing, watching my every move.

Beyond irritated, I snapped at them, "Will you sit down already?"

Unfazed by my mood, everyone kept that same air of ease, doing as I said.

I took my own seat, then, wondering what the hell to do next. I had never led any of these damned meetings before. And even the ones I did attend in the past, I barely paid attention to them. Someone running her mouth like she was so fucking important, well, that just forced me to tune out instead. Except now I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say, how to hold myself. I didn't know anything at all. So when Liara leaned over my way, giving me a prompt, I almost wanted to thank her.

"Boss, I understand you haven't had much time yet," she began. "Time to settle into your awakening. While we were in your office earlier, we discussed that troubling matter with the census. I wondered if we could bring up the issue with the rest of the board. Perhaps someone will know more about it."

"Yes, of course," I accepted. "Liara and I briefly went over a problem I noticed. We've built up a sizable network. The problem is, not everyone we expect has arrived. There's a disproportionate amount of humans, asari, quarians, krogan, and turians in Insomnia. Most other species are lacking in comparison."

Kaidan looked around the room. "I mean, if we include Wrex with us…wouldn't that make sense?"

"Sure, but Insomnia isn't meant to be exclusive. This world is supposed to be as inclusive as possible. Otherwise, only people the captain knows personally would be allowed in. This is a serious oversight."

"The boss is right," agreed Tali. "I never noticed this before. But now that we're discussing it, I know exactly what she means. I don't recall seeing very many batarians or elcor—or even salarians around. And it's not as if people of those species don't respect the captain. It's a known fact that batarians and humans don't get along. But surely at least some of them look up to Shepard in some way. I've only seen a handful of batarians in Insomnia. That can't possibly account for every outlier in the galaxy, though."

"Salarians, too, huh?" asked Garrus. "Strange. I could've sworn Mordin's people really admired the captain. They use her tactics as an infiltrator as a model for their STG training programs on Sur'Kesh. If anything, there should be tons of other salarians around. There must be something keeping them out."

EDI speculated, "And if that is not the case, is there anything these other species share in common? Are there any significant similarities they share that might cause them to be absent from this network?"

Jack shrugged. "If not for the salarians, I'd say the captain doesn't really have any bonds with them. Doesn't that count for anything? How she's never talked all that much with any volus or whatever?"

Samara gave off such an unusual sense. Like she knew all the answers, but she chose to stay quiet.

Everyone else wracked their brains trying to come up with a solution, an explanation.

The only lead I had was to check the Temple of Athame on my own—as Liara had suggested before.

And right before I could think to steer the meeting elsewhere, Dr. Chakwas entered the room.

"Good morning, everyone," she said to us. "Forgive me for the interruption. But I've just received word that Shepard intends to begin meditating soon. We'll have to evacuate HQ again as she clears her mind. Our absence has been most effective at helping the commander keep calm. I've found that if we choose not to leave, it takes her too long to reach a meditative state. We really shouldn't disrupt the process."

I stood up on a reflex; the others soon followed suit.

Relaxing, going with the flow, the group quickly fell back to a more informal air.

"Thanks for the update, Doc," called Kaidan. "We'll make our way out now."

Dr. Chakwas smiled at us before taking her leave.

Everyone looked to me for a final approval. I merely gestured for them to leave, and they did so, giving me their own smiles and nods as they went.

Still, I got the distinct sense that I didn't actually have to leave. Everyone else did, yes. But not me. As if I might've been an exception somehow. Nevertheless, I didn't want to take advantage of things. Not so soon. For now, just this once, I decided to follow the rules. Maybe next time I'd stay as an experiment.

Liara waited here with me, while Tali hung around right outside the room, fawning over Major for a bit.

Once again, she appeared to have something to say. "What is it, Liara?"

"Well, Boss, I wondered if you might do me a favor. If you could go check on the former boss. The two of us are no longer speaking. As a result, I do not have access to her location anymore. And even though I am still quite angry over our falling-out, I worry for her. Perhaps you share my concerns. Even a little."

The most microscopic of concerns that somehow seemed so much more.

"Fine, I'll go see what she's up to," I answered. "Out of curiosity, is she still able to come back here?"

"Back to headquarters? Yes, she is. Her keycard has remained in-tact after her acts of sabotage. I cannot think of any reason why she would show her face here. But if she so decided, the former boss could technically return to this building at any time. It would be helpful for her to return and fix things. But she stands nothing to gain by doing so. I doubt any of us would be able to convince her to change course."

"That's what I figured. You've been a big help today. I'll let you be on your way, then."

Liara bowed her head. "Thank you… I should be getting back now. Shepard will be expecting me once she's finished with her meditations. I will see you tomorrow—and in real life once you arrive to Thessia."

As I left the board room, I watched as Tali and Liara began to set off together. Major stayed with them, somewhat, having waited to see me first. She simply sat in place, tail wagging as she regarded me in understanding. We had spent enough time together today—to start. She seemed glad with this much, accepting my allowances without protest. She then left with Liara and Tali as they returned home, off to take the public transport back to the Migrant Fleet. So I made my way back to my own transport up top.

Back with my agent as my chauffeur, I set a course for 'Illium' here in Insomnia—Miranda's apartment.

---

Riding into a torrent of rain, the weather raged on just outside this car. Thick droplets of rain swiped and clawed at the windows. Rolling thunder rumbled through this interior all around me. Those depths of sound echoed in tandem with the flashes of lightning in the near-distance. That lightning lit up Illium's endless towers and skyscrapers, all as those silvers and violets I remembered. An extension of Thessia, asari ingenuity, and the most legal backroom dealings allowed out in the open: I hadn't been to this colony in quite some time, yet I still remembered what made Illium tick. But even as a fine balance between Omega and the Citadel, I was never fond of this place. Too corporate for my liking.

From my own research, I had always known how well Miranda fit in with the crowd here. Though perhaps not today, and not lately. Her endless apartment complex loomed over the colony's residential area, mixing right in with the mood everywhere: the brood and gloom and doom of the weather, of the absolute lack of people around. Not a single skycar in the sky except for mine—perhaps the most obvious tell that this wasn't the same Illium from real life. It almost felt lonely being up here by myself.

My agent pulled into the nearest parking lot across the street.

Even though my kinetic barrier was more than adequate to shield me from this rain, my agent still went above and beyond. She exited the car first. Umbrella in-hand, she opened my door for me. And I stepped outside, joining her beneath this more traditional shield for us both. I stared right at her, at Shepard's likeness right in front of me, the two of us perfectly level with one another. The rain water pooled over the flats of her dress shoes, matching the pain and press of her fine suit. Meanwhile, I remained just above that pooling, what with this convenience of my heeled boots. And maybe she wasn't supposed to let me see this, but I spotted some magnetism in her eyes. Some attraction, some pull toward me as we stood beneath this umbrella together. She quickly reverted back to her impartiality. Professional to the last, my agent resumed her duties, leading me over to the apartment complex. Still, that short, forbidden moment we shared kept a smile on my face. Because I did miss Shepard herself. I missed…seeing her. Being around her. Just being with her in general, no matter what else went on.

Yet once we reached the main entrance, I faltered.

How the hell was I supposed to access this building? If it was about friendship and permissions, then obviously Miranda wouldn't let me anywhere near her apartment, let alone the lobby down here.

My agent simply prompted me, "Your keycard, Boss."

Wary, I went ahead and retrieved my keycard. I swiped it right next to the door. And then the door opened for us, just like that. Like it was no big deal. As my agent led me to the elevator now, I took a look at my title, my rank on this card. The head of urban development… Didn't this mean every piece of land in Insomnia belonged to me? Technically, I could go wherever I pleased. Anywhere, anytime.

But as we took this elevator up to the 60th floor, I sensed something.

Something that didn't feel right.

Something off, something ominous.

Stepping just in front of me, my agent took out her handgun. Weapon at the ready, she remained alert as we reached our destination. She led me down this hallway leading to Miranda's apartment. Perfectly trained, she scanned every corridor, every corner we passed by, focused on anticipating and eliminating any threats in my way. And once we arrived, she used her own credentials to unlock the door. She passed through first, keeping her attention on me behind her and the unknown threat ahead of her.

Not a single light on except from the storm outside. Flashes of lightning from outside the windows lit up this entrance area. The tall ceiling of this apartment held the menace of thunder echoing, reverberating. Gray upon gray upon darker shadows over these smooth surfaces of silver and chrome, everything blending together. Except for the bright orange from Miranda's monitors shining on from her office. An oddly comforting chill blanketed the space. Not a shred of warmth anywhere. Miranda's apartment seemed to be as cold-blooded as she liked to call me. Then again, self-awareness wasn't really her thing these days. Or perhaps it was, and she was just too skilled at hiding all of this away.

My agent knew to follow her sense, heading toward the living room with the vid screen, the couches, and the portraits of her from her modeling days years ago. Hearing something upstairs, I found the winding staircase leading up. Quietly, softly, I stepped upstairs, careful to not touch the handrail, to not touch anything. Especially once I heard the sounds of someone crying. Sobbing their eyes out. Practically delirious, unhinged in this supposed solitude. A total and complete outpouring of pain and emotion:

I found Miranda lying in her bed face-down.

Tangled in her sheets, lit as aquamarine by the fish tank nearby.

Parts of her body covered only by those sheets, and by the black of her nightgown.

No signs of injury. Nothing to make me believe she'd been hurt. No, Miranda looked perfectly normal.

She just cried. Alone. Or at least she believed she was alone. Safe and sound within the confines of her mind, crying like this. Letting everything out like this. Miranda cried and sobbed. Over Shepard. Always over Shepard. How she practically suffocated herself against her pillow, as if she wanted to end it all—

I couldn't help the way my cold heart cracked and thawed.

I stared at her. Feeling at a loss. Feeling like I could relate to her. Not necessarily now, today. But in general, I certainly could. Seeing her like this…it almost made me feel like I was back on Kahje. Back there on the hanar homeworld, helpless to watch as Thane's son had nearly killed her. Yet even as I felt for Miranda, my suspicions of her grew and grew. I couldn't see her taking something like this lying down. Just accepting it. Just going with it. She loved Shepard too fucking much to give up so easily. I couldn't see the end of Miranda's attempts. The end of the line for her—some mystical moment when she woke up and realized Shepard would never take her back. Or maybe she did see reality for what it was. Maybe she did, and that was what made her cry this hard, unending. Even still, I knew better.

Miranda had the means and the resources to turn into my worst enemy.

I couldn't see her making the same mistakes as Liara and Ashley. No, she was far too calculating. She'd even had the sense to hide her keycard from someone like me. Even as she remained compromised.

I would've been a complete fool to underestimate her. Or to sympathize with her too much.

So I stepped back, quietly again, returning to the stairs. The continued noise of Miranda's sobbing practically stayed right next to me. Even once I made it downstairs, down to the living room where my agent had gone to search and investigate. Once I found her, I stopped in my tracks again. I stopped, finding my agent with her gun pointed at someone. Someone sitting on the couch. An intruder:

None other than Ashley herself.

Wearing her N7 armor, she sat on Miranda's couch. She sipped a glass of moscato, no doubt from Miranda's stores in the kitchen. Smirking up a storm worse than the one outside. Having herself a grand old time as Miranda cried her eyes out upstairs. Ashley remained unfazed by my agent continuing to stare her down, gun pointed right at her. She actually had the nerve to smile and wave hello to me.

I knew she hadn't laid a hand on Miranda at all.

No signs of battle; no signs of forced entry.

Ashley had simply waltzed in here of her own accord.

I glanced down at her now-restored keycard—courtesy of Shepard—sitting on the couch next to her.

I could tell Ashley had been here for a while. I also knew she could've killed Miranda by now—if she really wanted to. Ashley could've sent Miranda off to the void, gone forever. She could've gotten her revenge, her last laugh, once and for all. And yet she chose not to.

What the hell was she waiting for?

Under the sounds of the rainstorm, and Miranda's crying, I had enough cover to speak to her, quietly:

"I can't let you stay here, Ashley. You need to leave. Don't you dare come back."

Smiling more, Ashley obliged without protest. She made sure to pocket her keycard first.

As she passed me by, my agent kept that gun trained on her.

Ashley pretended not to notice. She just glanced up at me and said, "I'll see you around, Boss." She didn't bother putting Miranda's glass back in the kitchen. She took it with her as she left the apartment.

I asked my agent, "Is there anything you can do to lock her out for good?"

"I can't," she muttered. "Ashley's keycard contains all of her 'past' permissions. She and Miranda used to be close friends. That's why she still has access to this location. You can imagine what other permissions she still has. The main thing she can't do is get back into headquarters. The captain's mental defenses won't allow it. She can fool any other doors into thinking she's still President of Insomnia."

"Then I should've taken that thing away from her."

"No, you made the right choice. Ashley would've put up a fight. She doesn't need her gun to hurt us."

I didn't like how ominous that sounded.

Nonetheless, my agent escorted me from the apartment. Outside the door, she double-checked, triple-checked everything she could: scrubbing any evidence of our presence, including Ashley's. She made absolutely certain the door was locked, before taking me back down the elevator, out to the skycar.

Back in the dry safety of this vehicle, I took my spot in the backseat.

Back in the driver's seat, my agent took off to the skies, inundating us in the height of this rain.

Then I started doubting my own judgments:

"Major belongs to her, doesn't she? Is Ashley's pet in any way a threat to us?"

"Not at all," replied my agent. "Major's just a dog. We determined a long time ago that she's innocent. As long as she's not wearing her red cross harness, we know she's not carrying any cameras on her."

"Well, is this why you asked me to switch my home base? Because of Ashley? Among others, I'm sure."

"Yes, Boss."

"Then I've made up my mind. Change my location to my penthouse on Thessia. That's where I'd like to 'wake up' here in Insomnia from now on. I can manage Afterlife remotely from home or from my office."

"Understood," she accepted. "We'll need some time to fully secure the location first. Is there anywhere you'd like me to take you in the meantime?"

I remembered Liara's suggestion from earlier.

"Take me to the Temple of Athame. Or whatever the equivalent is here. I need to figure out what's going on with Insomnia's skewed population. I'm hoping something there will aid in my investigation."

"Heading there now. It'll take us a while to arrive, though."

For my convenience, a decently-sized vid screen lowered itself from the ceiling of the car.

I used it to tune back into ongoing events in real life:

Through Shepard's sight, I watched as she stared at Liara's memorial site on Thessia.

It seemed to me that Shepard had been there for a while. Standing in place, thinking. Reflecting. The slight blur of my screen belied the emotions there in Shepard's eyes. She had set two flowers there. Two roses of everlasting blue. At first I wondered—why two? But then I recalled Shepard's life, the order of things. Two must've represented that chapter of her life. The chapter of her life that had started all this.

And what a case of cognitive dissonance for her to have Liara approaching from behind.

"Shepard… I didn't expect to find you here. I thought you were still on the ship."

Shepard simply shook her head.

Liara found the courage to hold her around her waist. "I'm here, you know. As are you. It's fine now."

"I know, Liara. I know."

"Then perhaps we should get going. I do not want you brooding over the past. What's done is done."

Shepard sounded confused. "Isn't that what I'm supposed to say at a time like this?"

Liara laughed softly. "Maybe. But you didn't say it. So I did instead. I suggest listening to me."

Much more relaxed now, Shepard set off with Liara to meet Javik at the Temple of Athame.

During their walk, they eased into conversation together. Nothing serious. Nothing intense. Shepard asked Liara how she felt about being back home. Liara answered her honestly. They spoke more about Thessia, about the differences between Earth and the asari homeworld. As they went, the glitter of the ground's shallow waters lit up their path. That glittering reflected the vermillion from the skies above, gently transitioning to a pale orange as the afternoon arrived. Armali's peaceful city views seemed like the perfect backdrop for this moment, this context. This moment and context of Shepard and Liara fixing their relationship with one another. Slowly, gradually, I watched them making such good progress today.

Fixing and mending even after all this time.

Maybe they would always be in this state. This state of having to fix things in the first place. Their non-friendship, non-romantic relationship seemed like a forever work-in-progress. I felt certain that it would've been easier for Shepard not to bother. She could have decided she didn't have time for this continuous effort. Liara's sweet smiles and little laughs seemed worth the effort. For her happiness.

When they arrived to the temple, they found Javik standing outside the security field. Naturally, he complained about the barriers, what with this access to his own peoples' history restricted. Liara ignored him, using her inherited credentials from her late mother to unlock the entrance. She then entered the temple proper with Shepard and Javik, exploring the open area filled with old relics. Javik explained that all the busts of old asari goddesses were actually Protheans, to which Liara expressed no surprise. She and Javik had a thoughtful conversation about the whole thing without arguing at all.

Meanwhile, Shepard gravitated toward the centerpiece of the temple.

That tall depiction of 'Athame' as an asari towering over the rest of the statues and rows of seats.

"Shepard?" asked Liara, going over to her. "Has something caught your attention?"

"Yeah," she replied, still staring up at the work of art. "The last time we came to this place, we both sensed something here. Something in this exact spot. I don't know—it feels stronger somehow."

Javik chimed in, "Yes, I sense a great energy within this 'goddess.' She may be protecting whatever awaits beyond. I cannot say for certain what is there. Only that it seems…familiar to me now."

Liara wondered, "Is there anything at all you can pick up on? Any clues you might be able to spot?"

"Hmm…" Javik closed his eyes, sensing. "I stand corrected. There are two sources of energy behind this statue. Only one is familiar to me. The energy is—Prothean. It is unnatural. Inorganic. Perhaps a synthetic, virtual copy of my people. I cannot tell if it is still in working condition. But the asari appear to have accessed this VI in recent times. Your government, more than likely."

"I can't say that surprises me… Asari High Command has kept a number of secrets from the galaxy. I learned this for myself after decrypting my mother's most sensitive files. I recall reading a few tidbits about a Prothean VI. Nothing about what its purpose might be. The rest remains a mystery to me."

Shepard added, "This thing I'm sensing isn't Prothean. There's definitely something else back there."

Javik puzzled, "The second source of energy is foreign to me. But it would make sense that this one is more familiar to you, Commander. I can make out but a single clue. It is too vague."

"What's this clue, then?"

"I only see…flowers. 'Her Inflorescence.'"

"Flowers?" echoed Shepard. "That's odd… Liara, do flowers have any big significance in asari culture?"

"They do," replied Liara. "Flowers play a role in one of our secular holidays. Janiris—our New Year celebration where we exchange flower wreaths with close friends and loved ones. Janiri is also the asari goddess of storms, seasons, and agriculture. I believe we passed by her likeness in this very temple. Knowing what we do now, she was of course a Prothean, changed to look more like us over time."

Shepard, Liara, and Javik speculated some more over the meaning. Of course Javik wanted to access the mysteries past that statue. He wanted to see for himself what was really there. But Liara discouraged him from doing anything, reminding him that Asari High Command would find out. So the three of them settled on speculating more, and some more, until they could think of no more to speculate about.

After mentally exhausting themselves, they eventually decided to leave the temple.

Javik then went off by himself, wanting to explore Armali some more on his own.

Liara guided Shepard to the nearest public transit hub. When they got there, the two of them boarded a crowded bullet train scheduled to head over to Serrice: the destination for that supposedly friendly date of theirs. Shepard took the lead, navigating the crowded aisle of the train; glancing out the windows she passed by. Liara stayed behind her. Due to the crowds, I thought nothing of Shepard reaching her hand out behind, needing to make sure Liara was still there. Smiling to herself, Liara accepted that aid, just gently brushing her fingers over Shepard's hand, interlacing ever-so-slightly.

Shepard eventually found a suitable pair of comfortable-looking seats for them. She hovered near the seat closest to the aisle, claiming the area. She then allowed Liara to slip past her to the window seat. The two of them settled down together, right next to one another. Shepard leaned her head back against the welcoming plush of her seat, quietly overwhelmed by all these people. Liara kept on smiling.

She waited until everyone took their seats; until the train took off past the glimmer of Armali's metropolis in the reddened afternoon. She waited until Shepard settled her arm nearest to her over the arm rest between them. Liara then wrapped both of her arms through Shepard's, holding onto her this way. She settled her head over Shepard's shoulder, resting there. Perfectly gentle, Shepard gazed down at her. She kept her head angled toward Liara's. The two of them relaxed in their own quiet space.

Shepard wouldn't let herself fall asleep. Not around so many strangers.

Instead, she focused on Liara, observing her with great care.

Even though Liara focused her gaze outside the window, watching the sights racing by, she still knew:

"Shepard. Is there something on your mind?"

"You seem like you're doing better today."

"Yes, I'm feeling better after my nap. Being back home also helps. What about you? How are you doing?"

"Honestly, I'm more worried about you than anything."

Bright-eyed in curiosity, Liara moved to regard her properly. Still holding onto her arm, so affectionate.

Shepard explained further, "I guess I'm coming to terms with things. Like how much I'm to blame for your emotions. Your feelings. What you're going through. I know it's been a struggle for you lately. I wasn't sure if it was best to let you struggle alone. To let you figure things out by yourself. It's what I've always had to do. Is that what you need? Your space? Your own time to work things out the hard way?"

"Are you really convinced that is the answer?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm asking you."

"Well, then, allow me to point out the contradictions in your thinking. You say you are to blame for my emotions. Which is perfectly true. And yet you also believe it is best for me to struggle in solitude. You have always had to take that path, yes. But was that decision not forced on you? Every single time?"

"Maybe," admitted Shepard. "I can't exactly say. I've…gotten used to it. I'm used to being on my own."

"As am I, Shepard. I enjoy my solitude in certain circumstances. You already know this about me. However, this is not one of those circumstances. Whenever I don't know where I stand with you, it is difficult for me to stand at all. At the same time, I am ashamed to tell you these things. Maybe you believe I am too weak; that I'm not worth the trouble. I don't wish to burden you with my feelings."

"You're not a burden, Liara. I don't think you're weak, either. I'm just trying to gauge where you're at. If you're willing to have that real, honest conversation with me. The one we should've had weeks ago."

"Yes, I am open to speaking honestly with you…"

Shepard softened the blow a bit: "I'm not interested in arguing. I'll listen to you; you'll listen to me. We'll meet in the middle. I don't want to make you feel any worse. That's the furthest thing from my mind."

Liara smiled in acceptance. "Then let us save the rest for when we arrive. We'll have our own solitude."

After a short while, the train reached the bustling city of Serrice. The pair navigated the crowds one more time, leaving the transportation hub. Liara guided them to a nearby, familiar building. Even I marveled over the magnanimous size of the institution, just as I always did. Such a coincidence: I knew for a fact that my daughter was there in real life, right now.

Shepard also stared up at the school in awe, asking, "Isn't this your alma mater? The University of Serrice."

"Yes, it is," said Liara. "They were the ones who sponsored my dig on Therum. I imagined this would be a full-circle experience, coming back here with you. Without them, it is possible we may have never met."

They strolled through the massive campus, passing by a number of students and staff members. Attracting stares and attention, Shepard and Liara did their best not to reciprocate anything. Even as the whole school buzzed from their presence, they stayed as far away as they could from all the gatherings and gossip. Instead, Liara guided Shepard past several of the university buildings, each specializing in certain branches of study. The school of marine biology, the school of chemistry, the school of biotics, the school of medicine—until finally they reached the school of history, and not the archaeology one like I expected. Also beyond my expectations, there was something about this school of history, about this particular structure. The noticeable lack of recreational spots in the area—no fountains, no open plazas, no benches to sit and have a conversation with someone. Not a lot of people going in and out. If I didn't know any better, it looked as if the building had far more security measures than the rest of the campus.

Proving my theory correct, I also spotted a number of asari commandos guarding the front entrance.

Not to mention a very special asari commando among them, looking bored as she carried out her duties.

I knew she was stationed at this university, but she had always been careful not to tell me exactly where.

Smiling over the news, I made a mental note to pay her a visit once I arrived to Thessia in a few days.

Liselle lit up once she spotted the two superstars. "Commander? Dr. T'Soni?! Is that really you?"

Shepard just gave her a confident smile.

"Hello, Liselle," greeted Liara. "It is good to see you again. How are you doing?"

"Never better, I guess," droned Liselle. "I've been stationed here for a long while now. It's important work, but…" She glanced around at her squadmates each looking equally bored out of their minds. "Well, you get the picture. I'm pretty shocked to see you, though. I mean I heard you were back and all. I missed our little conversations whenever I'd see you around campus or in town. Are you doing okay?"

"I am doing quite well, actually. Thank you for asking. You were always a welcome sight for me as well. I am also rather nostalgic for our impromptu meetings. I am curious to find you and your squad here. I had heard of the increased security measures. I strangely wasn't able to find any information on my own."

"Yeah, about that…"

Liara understood. "This must be top-secret information."

"Strictly need-to-know," supplied Liselle. "I'm sure you and the commander should be on the list. It's just not up to me to decide." She spotted someone else approaching. "Then again, maybe you're in luck."

One of Benezia's former disciples, Shiala, walked over to the group.

Shiala…that same asari the original team had met back on Feros, in Zhu's Hope. Although met was quite the misnomer. Having watched Shepard's memories, Shiala forcing herself onto her in the name of the Thorian was something I never wanted to see again. Even if it had granted Shiala this unique insight into Shepard's mind, including the ability to measure her protections against indoctrination. Shepard had last seen her on Illium with Miranda, where Shiala had had a more positive prognosis for them both. I could only imagine what the specifics were now—just how much that diagnosis had changed over the months.

"Oh, Liara!" said Shiala. "Dr. T'Soni. So the rumors were true—you have returned! I had sensed some time ago that you were waiting for Commander Shepard to find you. It is wonderful to see you again."

"Likewise, Shiala. I believe I sensed you during my wait. Your divining is very powerful. Are you well?"

"Yes, actually. I enjoyed a great lunch with some of the school's faculty members. I'm now returning to work in this building." Shiala smiled at Liselle, knowing she had kept any and all necessary secrets, faithfully. "Commander. Liara. You may be able to guess why it is I'm here. I have spent a significant amount of time researching my gifts of clairvoyance. The libraries within these walls contain valuable information on similar missions from the Protheans: their efforts at repelling the Reapers in centuries past. While they were unsuccessful, there is still much to learn from them. Asari High Command has deemed my research a matter of galactic security. These commandos have been assigned to guard me."

"That makes sense," noted Liara. "It does sound like you are a valuable asset to our government. Your ability to gauge Shepard's protections is irreplaceable. It is no wonder I could find nothing on my own."

"I apologize for the secrecy. If you are visiting this building, I would be honored to escort you inside."

"Thank you, Shiala."

As Shepard followed Liara and Shiala inside, she made sure to glance at Liselle as she went.

My daughter gave her an encouraging wink, clearly up to no good. I was sure she expected them to talk some more sometime later on. Knowing the same, Shepard smiled at her again before setting off inside.

They all rode the elevator to the topmost floor, just beneath the building's roof.

For now, Shepard and Liara only accompanied Shiala to her office on this floor. Shepard continued to listen to the pair as they discussed more of Shiala's research. That stalwart, respectful silence of hers belied whatever else stayed on her mind. For as much as she remained present with the ladies, allowing them to walk through doors before her and such, Shepard wasn't quite the same. Maybe anxious. Maybe nervous about her upcoming talk with Liara, soon. Very soon once they said their goodbyes to Shiala in her office. Afterward, Liara brought Shepard with her back to the elevator. They went up one more floor to the roof proper. Up to the roof, up to their escape and their solitude, perfectly-secured.

Past the security field surrounding the open space, Thessia's late afternoon shone on in a vivid brilliance.

And even though I had arrived to my own destination, I kept sitting in this backseat. Watching this vid screen. Watching as Shepard and Liara sat down on the roof in silence at first. My agent had merely parked the car. She waited on my waiting, thinking nothing of it. In fact, she had probably expected this.

Liara spotted Shepard's anxieties. "You seem rather tongue-tied. Are you nervous?"

"I don't think 'nervous' is the right word."

"Then what is?"

"I guess I've been avoiding this conversation with you. It was easier to write things off. To just assume we'd never get to this point. Then today I realized how—responsible I am for you. I might've sensed it before. I probably rejected the responsibility back then. I can't keep doing that anymore. Not to you."

"Well, this is why I don't wish to be a burden. But you clearly are in a different place now. Enough to call this a responsibility. You did the same with Tali in a similar context. What is the context with me?"

Shepard struggled to say, "I'm protective of you, Liara. I don't want you to be upset or depressed."

Liara wondered, "Then why did you leave me to waste away before? Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because I wrote things off, like I said. I wrote you off. I stopped believing in you. I thought you were a lost cause. When I found you again in Insomnia, I had that immediate feeling. I remember looking at you, knowing you looked the same. But you weren't the same person anymore. That really terrified me."

"And you felt you couldn't discuss the issue with me. Did you think I wouldn't listen?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Hmm." Liara closed her eyes in pain, managing to accept the truth. "I understand your point of view, Shepard. I do not agree with you, but I sympathize with your stance. Considering my selfish behavior at the time, your judgments were perfectly rational. You did not know who I was. You did not trust me. I couldn't recognize myself, either. That is another reason why I was so depressed. I still don't know who I am."

"I think I knew that already…somehow."

"I am not surprised you picked up on that. Still, you seemed quite fed up. Not just with me or with Tali, but with people in general as well. We have done little more than disappoint you over and over again."

"That's the thing," mused Shepard. "I've never had much tolerance for this. I don't want to deal with anyone's flaws. I don't want to subject anyone to my own. It's why I feel more comfortable vanishing, disappearing. Making myself invisible. I don't want to perceive anyone and I don't want anyone to perceive me. But no matter how many times I use my tactical cloak, it doesn't matter. At some point I have to go back to people. I need to serve them. I want to protect them. I have to save them."

Liara gazed out at the skies in thoughtfulness. "Then would it be easier for you to exist on your own?"

"It's not that… Sometimes I just don't want to exist at all. I don't mean that in a suicidal way. I mean it as more of a nihilistic thing. I wouldn't have to deal with any of these issues if I couldn't deal at all. Nothing and no one. So whenever someone hurts me or disappoints me, it brings me back to that mindset."

"Such a struggle with life's contradictions. We are all connected, and yet you sometimes wish to sever those connections altogether. If only to escape that disappointment. It is inevitable, after all."

"I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to disappoint anyone; I don't want anyone to disappoint me."

"And yet here we are," spoke Liara, pointing out the obvious. "We have managed to reconnect again. Even after everything. Isn't it beautiful that we are able to do this? Or are you focused on the negatives?"

"I don't see beauty in this, Liara. I just see it as routine. It's a constant cycle. We'll be back here again."

"Do you feel a loss of power by 'putting up' with this? Putting up with me. With Tali. With everyone."

Shepard simply nodded to that.

Liara pleaded with her, "Then what can we do, Shepard? What is the solution? You want others to be real with you, and yet you cannot suffer this conflict. Am I supposed to say nothing around you? Do you need me to curate my behavior? Should I purge myself of any and all flaws before I interact with you?"

"No, you don't have to do any of that. I said we would meet in the middle. That's what I'm trying to do."

"Have you decided I'm worth the effort…? Will you suffer life's contradictions for me? Is that it?"

"You're worth it to me, Liara. You really are. I'm sorry for taking so long to accept that."

Beyond relieved, Liara settled against Shepard's shoulder, leaning there. She smiled in reprieve, even as the tears slipped from the corners of her eyes, wetting over Shepard's sleeve. Non-judgmental, Shepard remained strong for her. Sitting upright. Staying silent. She gave Liara this freedom to live and to love.

I watched their solitude for a while longer.

Even though my mind raced from Shepard's words, I understood her.

Though the questioned remained—of whether or not I was worth it as well.

I liked to think that I was. I liked to believe Shepard had already given me this answer. She had already given me this solution by being with me, period. Otherwise she would have turned me down. We wouldn't be where we were today if not for her acceptance. Accepting life's contradictions for me, too.

Only once I accepted the same did I leave this car, off to solve these remaining mysteries in my way.

---

Such a sense of foreboding cloaked around me as I reached this place.

This place that should have been the Temple of Athame, given where I'd traveled.

Shaped as a similarly religious structure, this palace instead glittered in golds reminiscent of something godly. Something regal, something elevated. Yet that foreboding had warped the gilded walls and marble flooring, twisting their appearance. Far more sinister than saintly, my surroundings held those contradictions Shepard and Liara had just discussed together. The beauty of this foyer fit right in with any castle, any citadel, but that twisting continued. The wide, carpeted staircase welcomed me in a hellish, holy energy. And the throne sitting up top would have befitted any queen or empress, any demon or both.

But something told me not to go upstairs, to the endless doors and hallways and more floors above.

Telling and telling, the stories along the walls around me had much more to say.

Starting from my left side, wrapping all the way around to my right side, several murals decorated the walls. They each showed a single scale, weighing and balancing and counterbalancing groups of people. Those different groups lined up exactly with this problem I'd noticed with Insomnia's population. So I went over to the leftmost mural, getting a better look. I scanned the work of art with my omni-tool:

LIBRA—THE SCALES

Careful collections of diplomacy will bring balance,
Dispelling the schisms waiting to wreak havoc for the gods.

Libra? Wasn't this Shepard's Zodiac sign?

Her sign's representative was the scales. The same scales in every mural. These scales held balances and counterbalances of people from different worlds across the known galaxy. Almost every single scale tipped to one side or the other. Not quite a balance at all. More like pure imbalances everywhere. But maybe that was the point.

This first one in front of me depicted Palaven and the turians there. Surrounding the turian homeworld, a gigantic Reaper clawed at the planet. Running a more focused scan this time, I found that this Reaper's name was Lucifer, signifying the turians and their distinctive pride. On the scales representing Palaven, Garrus appeared most prominently on one side. Joining him, much to my surprise, was Saren Arterius. Due to just how prominent both men were, I assumed this was a good thing. They gave off such strong, supportive energies, depicting a positive energy overall. On the other side of the scales, I spotted Nyreen and some other turian I had barely seen from Shepard's memories. Warden Kuril, the lunatic slave trader who'd kept Jack locked up on that Purgatory ship. Neither Kuril nor Nyreen looked particularly pleased on their side of these scales. Yet they remained far outweighed by Garrus and Saren's side, joined by many other turians: Executor Pallin and the turian councilor, my good-for-nothing guard Grizz, Garrus' family, that turian Spectre Nihlus from Eden Prime, and several others from Palaven's general population.

How fascinating that Nyreen showed up on this other side. The other side who disliked Shepard, who disapproved of her or viewed her with any sort of disdain. After all, Nyreen had gone above and beyond to seem supportive of Shepard, respecting her as a fellow soldier. No doubt this showed her true colors.

Next to Palaven, I observed a recreation of Sur'Kesh this time. Another Reaper clawed itself over the salarian homeworld. My scan revealed this Reaper's name as Belphegor, named as such for the salarians' sloth, all for their refusal to cure the genophage for the krogan. Even so, like Garrus, Mordin was most visible on one side of the scales. I also spotted the salarian councilor, a number of familiar faces from Omega, and plenty of other salarians from across the galaxy. Yet they remained outweighed by the other side. A single group of salarians stood there. Only a handful of them appeared together, and yet their balance tipped down, much farther down, compared to Mordin's far more numerous side.

Regardless of numbers, this smaller group of salarians had managed to counterbalance the rest.

From the looks of things, this smaller group of salarians…was Captain Kirrahe and his men from Virmire.

Yes, I remembered now. On Virmire, Shepard had sent Liara with the captain and his team, while Ashley had stayed with the main group. Liara had been a great asset to the salarians, using her biotics to quickly dispose of the geth and crazed krogan in their way. But once they had to leave for the bomb, time was running out, and so Shepard had to make a decision. She could've left Liara to die in the blast with Kirrahe's team. Or she could've allowed Ashley to die, using the time to go get Liara and the others. But Shepard had instead made the so-called dishonorable decision—by ordering Liara to abandon the salarians and save herself. Liara had successfully retreated, leaving Kirrahe and his men to die in the explosion. And then that had led, of course, to Liara's confrontation with Ashley at the bomb site.

As a more minor figure with Kirrahe's group, I noticed some salarian from Noveria. Administrator Anoleis, whom Shepard had basically tricked into getting himself killed. He and his human secretary, Gianna Parasini, had shot each other at the same time during their 'altercation' in Port Hanshan.

I could only wonder what all of this meant for the future.

Next to the salarian homeworld was a mural of my station…under siege by a giant Reaper, just like everywhere else. Omega's number one terror called itself Beelzebub, clearly due to my own gluttony in the past, as Shepard had said. That wasn't how I saw things, but it apparently didn't matter. Beyond Omega's immediate reach, the mural depicted several other locations within the Terminus Systems. Horizon, Freedom's Progress, and even Illium right on the outskirts. Everything centered around Omega, with my station as the capital. There looked to be a good mix of different people here. Bray, Jarral, Ahz, Grizz again. My likeness looked to be the most important one, taking center stage on the side with Bray and the others. I was pleased to find Patriarch joining me here as well. That old krogan really was loyal to me after all. Despite my importance, however, we remained outweighed by that other side. The other side with everyone else—least of all Nyreen again, and her Talon mercenaries. Plus several others:

Every single one of my enemies had joined Nyreen on the other side of the scales. Rogue Eclipse, Blue Suns, and Blood Pack mercs. Various other traitors and scumbags I'd disposed of over the centuries. And just about every other fool who thought they could take me down, only to end up dead or exiled in utter shame. This looked less to be a commentary on Shepard's bonds, and more a reflection on mine. But because the two of us were now bonded in this way, my problems had become her problems.

Tuchanka didn't seem to have anything to do with me. The krogan homeworld still had a Reaper causing problems—this one named Satan, so called for the krogan and their wrath, their anger over having dealt with the genophage for years and years. Satan had brought powerful flames to Tuchanka, most of the planet enshrouded in a fiery hellscape. Even so, the scales for the krogan looked much better for Shepard here. Wrex stood tall and proud on one side, surrounded by damn near every krogan from Clan Urdnot. Other, less prominent krogan had also joined this side, counterbalancing the negatives with ease. Not many were on that other side anyway. Just a few spiteful members of rival clans. I was sure Wrex had sung Shepard's praises far and wide to his people. His efforts had paid off for her quite well.

Another giant Reaper closed in on Rannoch, with the Migrant Fleet and geth fleets in danger around the quarians' homeworld as well. This Reaper went by the name Mammon, named so for the quarians and their greed. Their greed for what? It looked as if the Migrant Fleet had attacked the geth in the middle of the war with the Reapers, all in some ill-timed attempt to retake their homeworld. Sounded like greed to me. As no surprise at all, Tali featured the most on one side of these scales. She smiled at me so freely. Surrounding her was pretty much every single quarian Shepard had ever met, as well as just about every other quarian in the galaxy. Tali's father and the rest of the admirals—even Admiral Xen who'd showed no love to Tali and Shepard before. I also saw several quarians who weren't from this day and age. Maybe some of Tali's ancestors? The geth joined the quarians as well, making up one giant gathering of positivity and approval. Not a single geth or quarian was on that other, negative side.

And then there was Thessia.

My homeworld, surrounded by…flowers.

Her Inflorescence.

Yes, my homeworld still suffered a Reaper's attack. This time from Asmodeus, representing the cardinal sin of lust, as that easy stereotype for my people. More eye-catching than anything were these flowers everywhere. Exactly as Javik had sensed earlier. But I couldn't find any other clues or explanations anywhere in the mural. Not even my omni-tool's scans revealed any other information. Alongside those flowers, I saw myself once more, just as prominent as I had been in Omega's art. Liselle, Liara, Tevos, Samara, Shiala, that Spectre from Illium named Tela Vasir, Jarral again, and Matriarch Benezia were all here with me. Hell, I even spotted Morinth, too. The only dissenter appeared to be Nassana Dantius, also from Illium. She didn't look very happy at all. It didn't matter, though. Everyone else, myself included, far outweighed her ire.

Then there were the other worlds. Khar'shan for the batarians. Irune for the volus. Kahje for the hanar and drell. Dekuuna for the elcor. And so on and so forth. Every single one had the 'bad side' outweighing the 'good'. For example, Bray with Khar'shan didn't stand a chance opposite the innumerable batarians who despised Shepard, simply because she was human. So the batarian homeworld was obviously a lost cause. Irune and Dekuuna really didn't have anyone anywhere. When was the last time Shepard had even interacted with a volus or an elcor? That crazy biotic god volus harassing the team on Illium during Samara's recruitment mission? The poor elcor bouncer in front of my club, dealing with all the losers desperate for my attention? That just wasn't enough.

Meanwhile, Kahje told the same story as Sur'Kesh. Several hanar and drell who held a positive view of Shepard, on that positive side of the scales—each greatly outweighed by Thane and his son Kolyat, the only ones on the negative side. After what had gone down on Kahje, I wasn't at all surprised to find them here.

And last but certainly not least was Earth.

Harbinger surrounded Shepard's homeworld this time. None of those cardinal sins seemed to represent this planet. Instead of pride, or greed, or wrath, I saw the sin of invidiousness. Unfairness. Discrimination. Something that would have caused anger and resentment toward another person. I couldn't help thinking back to Shepard's talk with Liara. Those many resentments of hers with people.

I found an overwhelming amount of humans—familiar faces and not—all of them on Shepard's side of these scales. The only naysayers were the usual suspects. Gianna Parasini, that same undercover secretary from Noveria. A trashy reporter named Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani. Ambassador fucking Udina. The old exiled crew from the Normandy SR-1 and SR-2. And some of Ashley's family members—her mother and two of her sisters, I believed. Everyone else was firmly on Shepard's side. Kaidan, James, Joker, Jack, Zaeed, Kasumi, Dr. Chakwas. Miranda's little sister Oriana. Miranda's father Henry Lawson. Ashley's youngest sister Sarah. Some Cerberus officer named Jacob Taylor. A Cerberus-adjacent CEO named Dr. Eva Coré. Engineer Daniels, Engineer Adams, Councilor Anderson, Admiral Hackett, and…

The Illusive Man?

My omni-tool actually picked up on his true identity:

Jack Harper. His real name. This image showed just the man himself. Without those glowing eyes.

And at the very top of the mural, raised above all, were Miranda and Ashley.

They both glared at one another, clearly at-odds. But I couldn't tell which side they were on. Did they support Shepard or did they not? I would have thought they did. However Miranda felt about her situation with Shepard, she could have at least supported her in this fight. But I also sensed that deep well of ambition in Miranda—her plans, her productions, her processes. Those appeared to take precedence over everything and anything else. I felt the same from Ashley as well, if not differently.

Antagonism and disloyalties.

We couldn't trust either of them.

Meanwhile, Ashley hoped to give me no choice but to trust her.

I needed to make a decision soon. Because if I didn't act, then nothing in any of these murals would even matter. Shepard would fall without me. I couldn't even think about losing her. Especially after we had made so much progress together. For now, I settled on waiting. Waiting for those self-repairs to kick in. Waiting for the day when I could just enter the head office, and make the changes normally. We had a few more months left. We had until November or December, roughly, until the Reapers arrived from dark space. Somewhere around there. So I didn't need to take action right away. But this extra time wouldn't last forever.

Over and over again, Shepard's beliefs and mantras repeated in my head.

I remembered her sayings. I remembered her words. I remembered her sayings and words just from her memories. Never the ones she had said to me herself.

All those beliefs of hers, those mantras and sayings and words distilled into the biggest one. Her strongest, most relevant wisdom, turning me into a marionette of myself:

Hesitation is defeat.