Requiem of the Goddess

by Yoshiyuki Ly

Goddess of mind, goddess of heart - closed-off without consent, She cannot flourish; unlocked to the universe in trust and control, She protects from all outside influences. Only one sits atop the throne of Shepard's subjectivity. Ashley/FemShep, Liara/FemShep. Miranda/FemShep, Aria/FemShep. Power plays, intense loves. Renegon Infiltrator FemShep. Spans the Mass Effect Trilogy.

66. Omega 4 Relay

"Mars" from Mass Effect 3 / "Jump Drive" from Mass Effect 2

LXVI. Omega 4 Relay

(Aria)

Adrift within the Sol System, the Normandy brought us to Mars in record-time. During the trip, I stayed rooted in the CIC, fending off this feeling. This feeling that something wasn't right. I couldn't shake this sense. Ever since we'd left Earth, these omens had nipped and nagged at me. I wasn't alone in feeling this way, either. Tali and Liara hadn't left my side, their minds elsewhere; equally occupied by this strange sensation clouding over us. More than that, they seemed to feel safer with me around. For their sake, I needed to keep myself together. By the time we all made it to the shuttle, I had mostly gotten this problem under control. Except it kept threatening to come right back up, constantly.

Especially once we touched down on Mars' surface. Equipped with my breather, I made a point to stay behind Miranda the whole time. Directly behind her. She might've been our anointed leader for this expedition. But every single one of our teammates knew I didn't trust her. I didn't trust her for a damn thing. Miranda sensed my distrust, eyeing me from behind her own breather as we exited the shuttle. She knew she couldn't say a word to me. And so she settled on leading us forward in silence.

This reddish soil plastered itself before us as a constant monotone of red everywhere. Red coloring the otherwise-white of the Archives' architecture. Red dusting through this breeze. Red coating the terraform of this terrestrial surface we crossed over: too many rocks to walk smoothly. Dust and dust along the horizon, clouding in shadowed thickness. More reds closer to us, clouding in the faint breeze of this thin atmosphere. Our team followed Miranda away from where the shuttle had landed, off toward the Mars Archives not too far away. The Archives had carved themselves into the red earth as a powerful, structured dig site. Digging into the planet's surface and riding just over it as a small town, the Alliance had fully carved itself into those Prothean ruins down there out of view. Those long tram lines kept cable cars running back and forth, likely packed with Alliance scientists, soldiers, and other personnel. This all seemed like just a regular day for them. Nothing out of the ordinary whatsoever.

Fitting with the theme, multiple Alliance soldiers remained stationed out here. All of them armed, all of them armored in their deep blue helmets and get-ups among the breeze, the billow of dust. Our large group held their attention as we passed by. Rather laid-back for security detail, these soldiers wandered about in small groups, mostly staring at us instead of focusing on their routines. That Cerberus logo over our shuttle hadn't escaped their view. Yet Kaidan had made a point to wear his Alliance armor today.

One of the guards approached Miranda directly.

"Hello, there," he greeted, so laid-back. "You must be Commander Shepard's group. We've been expecting you. My name's Sergeant Reeves. I'm with Archives Security. Did you need an escort?"

Kaidan answered, "We're good, Sergeant, thanks. I've been here a couple times already. Still remember my way around. Pretty hard to forget, really."

"Not your first rodeo, huh? Good to know, Commander Alenko. If you happen to run into trouble, feel free to ask anyone nearby for assistance. We're all happy to help in any way we can."

"We appreciate it. Keep up the good work, Reeves."

The sergeant saluted him. "Yes, Sir!"

Our team continued down the beaten path leading to the Archives' entrance. Multiple tire tracks paved the way to the facility. We passed by a bunch of those vehicles off to the side, manned by several other security guards. From how friendly all these guards were, saluting Kaidan as we walked past, I had a hard time believing this was some trap. As if these Alliance soldiers actually could've been Cerberus sleeper agents in disguise. No…they all seemed quite normal to me. Again, nothing out of the ordinary.

Up we went over an incline, and we arrived to the facility's first elevator.

Kaidan went to the control panel, shuttering the wide door behind us. He pressed the button to bring us upward. Once he also pressurized the area, everyone except Tali, of course, took off their helmets and breathers. Those hissing breaths of artificial oxygen sounded as the ceiling opened up to the next area.

More vehicles, more machinery—we passed through some sort of garage. Heading up to the second floor, we followed Kaidan, who had taken to walking alongside Miranda now, pointing her in the right direction. As we went, that terrible feeling of mine kept coming back up. I was beyond tempted to check my omni-tool. Maybe to give Shepard a call. Just to let her know we'd made it here. Also as my rather roundabout way of checking on her. But I had to stop myself at the last minute. I didn't want to come off as overbearing. I didn't want to baby her. Except this awful feeling still refused to leave. It stuck to me.

Glancing at Liara and Tali walking by my side, they still felt the same as I did.

They gave no reaction to Jack blurting out, "Hey! Where the fuck is James? Did he leave the team?!"

Everyone else looked around, just now discovering Vega's not-so-notable absence. We hadn't seen him on the Normandy, either. No one had seen him at all since yesterday. Shepard had mentioned going out to eat with him and Liara last night. But given Liara's cold silence, and Tali's standoffishness, I could guess what had happened. So all things considered, we had lost nothing of value. We could move on.

Continuing on and on through another door, and down a few more hallways, we passed by nothing but normalcy. Various scientists who walked by offered their warm acknowledgments. A few other soldiers from security saluted Kaidan, just as they'd done outside. Everyone was so cooperative—by the time we reached the next security station filled with monitors and computers, the guards manning the area already knew what to do. They gave us access to the nearby pedway, wishing us luck as we went.

This leisurely walk through the pedway, and past the cafeteria, still didn't sit right with me.

My suspicions had nothing to do with the people surrounding us.

Instead, I remembered Shepard's advice from a few days ago. How we needed to stop and think if something didn't feel right. To stop and listen to our instincts. Yet even as I continued to listen, I didn't know what to pick up on. I didn't know where to focus. What was I supposed to find in all of this?

A group of Alliance researchers passing to the cafeteria gave me a hint:

"I swear," complained one researcher. "Those ExoGeni corpos are such vultures! They think they're offering us this 'new' and 'cutting-edge' technology. But every single time, the contracts they send over don't pass the smell test. Same thing happened with this latest one. And they just keep on trying!"

"At least your proprietary expert got back to you," said another researcher. "I'm still waiting to hear back from mine. She promised to get back to me by today. I told her it was urgent; she said she'd bump it up the chain for me. It's really not like her to keep me waiting… I'm getting worried, actually."

The third in the group checked his omni-tool. "You know what—I've heard some rumblings. You're not the only one waiting to hear back from someone at HQ on Earth. Is something wrong with our comms?"

I went over to EDI and asked, "Did you hear that?"

"Yes, Aria," she confirmed. "I am not having trouble maintaining my connection with the Normandy. If I wished to broadcast a message to Earth using the ship, I could easily do so. However, I have now located disruptions elsewhere. It would appear there is an issue with inbound communications to Mars. There is a site-wide block affecting the entirety of the Archives. I am unable to locate the source of the block."

Tali chimed in, "Did I hear that right? Someone's blocking incoming communications to Mars?"

"Looks like it," I replied. "The timing sounds suspicious. Probably started once we got here."

Agreeing with me, Tali and EDI fell silent. We knew we wouldn't be able to figure this out. At least not until we wrapped up our mission here. If anything, this made us walk even faster—practically passing Kaidan and Miranda as we reached the tram line. They hurried to catch up, with all of us boarding the cable car at once. This collective sense swept through us. This sense that not all was well—in actuality. I heard those hushed whispers of worry, wondering if this Mars thing really was a trap. Everyone upped their guard, upped their vigilance. We couldn't afford to let anything trip us up. Not at a time like this.

After exiting the tram, and passing through another area, we arrived to a large circular chamber. Misting in Prothean green, everywhere, our destination welcomed us in foreboding, devoid of other people around, unlike the rest of the Archives. Past the wide open space of the entrance, a darkened tower of Prothean ruins raised up to the ceiling. Alight in more green, that space of the ceiling extended up, well up, well past anything we could see. At the base of the ruins awaited a few control panels, along with a hologram terminal.

Miranda approached those panels. So hesitant, so uncertain, the clicks of her heels barely held her weight as she wandered forward. She typed away at one of the computers, activating the hologram.

The Illusive Man appeared in that holographic form, his back to us.

Most of the team scoffed over that sight, the majority of them seeing him for the first time. Even the back of his tailored suit, and the back of his slick-styled hair was enough. Jack in particular couldn't hide her disdain for the man, muttering darkly to Kasumi under her breath. Regardless of how any of us felt, his voice soon rang out across this endless space, echoing in poise and in certainty:

"Good work on making it to the Archives," he spoke, more to Miranda than to all of us. "Now we need to find the data. Dr. T'Soni, if you could join Miranda at the terminal. You should be able to locate what we're looking for."

Liara willed herself to move forward. "Very well. What exactly am I looking for?"

"A very old set of blueprints," specified the Illusive Man. He watched Liara searching through the computer's records. He watched her carefully. Too carefully as he said, "These blueprints should be for a device. A Prothean device. The Alliance knows nothing more about what these blueprints are for. I would expect the description they've come up with to be aptly vague. However, you should be able to decode the actual Prothean language written within. If not, then perhaps Javik could assist you."

Liara paused, clearly thinking twice about asking Javik for anything. She continued searching on her own.

Javik muttered under his breath, "Lies, fairytales, and fallacies. What blueprints does he speak of?"

Kasumi asked him, "You really have no idea what this is about?"

"No. I do not recall my people keeping anything of substance on this world. If there is anything of value in these Archives, it is incomplete. Such that your human military would have overlooked the data."

Garrus chimed in, "It bothers me that the Alliance has this data at all. How did the asari government know it was so important? And why didn't they tell anyone? They've been keeping it all a secret this whole time. Why sit on something this groundbreaking—without giving a single clue what it's about?"

Samara remained oddly silent. So silent that I couldn't call her out on anything.

Mordin riddled, "Government secrecy. Classified data. Reasons unknown. Still, possible no one in Alliance knew value of data, as Javik hypothesized. No true Prothean experts in entire military. Should have hired Liara as external specialist. Could have helped decode items of value, such as blueprints."

Legion had done some analyzing of its own. "The Archives are full of data. An overwhelming amount. Most suggests Prothean interest in early humanity's evolutionary process. The Protheans attempted to chart a curve for humanity's intellectual progression. If there are blueprints here, they are unrelated to these early studies. We believe Dr. T'Soni's expertise will pay off. She appears close to a discovery."

"Yes, she is," agreed Tali, observing her best friend. "Liara's getting excited about something. I can tell."

I couldn't tell. Then again, I had shifted my focus more to Miranda now. She had started pacing behind Liara—back and forth, back and forth—all while the Illusive Man watched them both. Those sounds of her heels echoing through the Archives had started grating on my nerves. Why couldn't she stay still?

Zaeed noticed the same, grumbling over the noise, and over Miranda's visible nerves, so contagious.

This fluttering sense had flitted through the rest of our group, flipping our collective mood all around.

So much so that Liara's exclamation felt as a jump start—"I think…I found the blueprints!" She only calmed down once she began translating more and more: "Yes, these are plans for a device. A very old Prothean device, as you said…" She stopped breathing, then, as she double-checked. "Wait. This can't be right. Am I reading this correctly? From the looks of things, it is some type of—doomsday device?"

"That is correct," confirmed the Illusive Man. "I understand it doesn't have an official name. But I've already dubbed it as the Crucible."

"This Crucible, then," said Liara in awe, studying more. "This device—if the Alliance were capable of building it—could destroy the Reapers. The Protheans came close to finishing it. Much like with their other solution, they ran out of time. They left these blueprints behind for us. It looks like there's some type of missing component. Some type of Catalyst is necessary for the Crucible to work. Goddess, if we could find the Catalyst, this would give us another way to defeat the Reapers! What an incredible find!"

"Don't get too excited, Doctor. You've done all I needed you to do. You can step aside now." Rightly deflated, Liara stepped away from the console. She fought not to go back, instead returning to my side. "Miranda, take a look at the data. You won't be able to read the writings. I still want you to look it over."

"Of course," obliged Miranda, fixating on the screen. "I can't understand a word of this. But based on the diagrams, I can certainly corroborate Liara's findings. It would take an army of scientists and engineers to build this thing. I have to say, this is quite the discovery…"

The Illusive Man knew her too well. "You sound disappointed."

"I… I don't know, Sir. This is a truly incredible find, just as Liara said."

"And yet you wish we hadn't found it. You're already invested in one solution. The one you feel is best."

The way Miranda completely froze, as if caught and exposed in front of us:

Those ambitions of hers had flared up. They flared and flamed, enflaming the entire room in her intent.

Every single one of us watched her. We watched Miranda leaning her weight against that console. How she stared at the blueprints on that screen. How her sight burned a hole clear through the monitor, through the data, through the complexity of that Crucible and its linking Catalyst. Her assumed, remaining claim to Shepard reflected back at her, back at all of us behind her, staring at her back. We had practically disappeared for all she knew. Miranda had stopped perceiving us, perceiving our perceptions and our judgments. This was all about her now. Her one chance to solidify a broken path.

Miranda remained the only one who believed she could mend this road.

The rest of us—Shepard included—knew the road was no more. Shattered to pieces; as a bridge broken in black ice, cracked and crushed in the storm of their disagreements. Blinded to her, blinded by her.

Seemingly unrelated, Liara grabbed onto my arm. Trembling a bit. Not understanding, I glanced down at her in worry. She wouldn't speak. She wouldn't say a word. All she could do was hold onto me. I didn't necessarily mind this closeness with her—except Liara kept gripping me tighter by the second. I simply assumed she was worried about the blueprints: what would happen to this monumental discovery. Only some part of her remained present in this moment. She already knew what would happen. We all did.

The Illusive Man made himself clear:

"Miranda, I want you to erase the data. Destroy it. Leave no trace it ever existed. You already have your solution. You wouldn't want anything to get in your way. I sympathize. Now it's time to take a stand."

Thinking, planning, so purposeful—Miranda hovered her hands over the keyboard.

She considered. She plotted. She prepared.

She was seriously about to do this.

The one backup plan for the next civilization—in case we failed—remained in her hands. In case we failed against the Reapers, all cycles after ours would also be doomed. Believing herself so important, Miranda was about to make this decision. Throwing the weight of the galaxy on Shepard's shoulders, millions of times over. The only card she had left to play. I could smell the desperation oozing from her very sweat, from the shaking breaths she let out. All to spite me. All to spite my actual relationship, now.

If she really wanted to play this game, that was perfectly fine.

Not-so fine, Tali moved closer to me. Also fearing for the data, her engineer's mind couldn't accept this inevitable loss.

She whispered to me, "Aria, we need to stop this… We can't let Miranda destroy the data!"

Standing strong for Tali and Liara both, I kept my heated stare against Miranda's conniving back.

"We have our orders," was all I said.

Knowing I was right, Tali whimpered in helplessness. If we didn't let this happen, the Illusive Man wouldn't give us the IFF. If we tried to stop this, then our current mission was over. Shepard wouldn't want that. She could handle the pressure of losing something like the Crucible. She could not handle us fucking this up and compromising the mission. Besides, I had also found my other comforts from this venture.

I remembered Miranda's own words from several months ago.

Her brilliant words that inspired my determination now, watching as she began typing at the console:

"Never interrupt your enemy when she is making a mistake."

I found my bitter amusement in that wisdom, managing to smirk over it. Even as we all watched Miranda erasing the data from the Archives. She deleted the blueprints for the Crucible. All of it, gone.

"Holy shit," muttered Jack in awe. "She really did it, didn't she?"

"Centuries of knowledge," mourned Mordin. "Hopes and dreams of entire civilizations. Passed down to us from Protheans. Deleted in single instant. Difficult to grasp, more difficult to process…"

Javik stayed silent. He almost seemed sick to his stomach, but he held back his truest reactions.

No one else had anything to say, either. Especially not Tali or Liara, both grappling with this loss as well.

The Illusive Man typed at something on his end. "Good work, Miranda. You made the right call. As promised, I'm forwarding the Reaper IFF to the Normandy. EDI can install it right away. Should you run into any issues, feel free to give me another call. We can discuss your promotion at a later time."

Privately shaken, Miranda breathed out, "Thank you, Sir…"

The Illusive Man's holographic form disappeared, leaving us to silence.

Liara gripped my arm so much harder. Like she wasn't even present with us anymore.

I hissed at her, "Liara, what's with you? You're cutting off the circulation in my arm here."

She shook her head, blinking back tears. She merely whispered about "searching" for something. Searching for what?

EDI gave Miranda something of a lukewarm stare, speaking the same: "Miranda. The Normandy has received the Reaper IFF from the Illusive Man. Would you like me to install it aboard the ship?"

Remembering her supposed leadership, Miranda responded, "Yes, EDI. Please do. By the time we pick up Shepard, we should be ready to go. She's waiting for us. Let's get back to the Normandy, everyone."

Leaving this section of the Archives, we returned to the tram outside. Putting our helmets and breathers back on, we rode this long, long ride across the stretch of dig sites far beneath us. Again, I would've expected Liara to stare out at those sights, admiring. Even as she and most of the team continued mourning the loss of the Crucible: what could've been. And yet she shook against me, so hard, as if about to hyperventilate. Tali went over to her, asking and pleading what the problem was, only for Liara to say nothing, trapped in this daydream of hers… And then, seconds later, we found out exactly why.

Still aboard this cable car, we heard the alarms sounding out across the rest of the facility. The blaring of those sirens, the louder blaring of the warnings blasting out across the intercoms. This doomsday sounded out my worst nightmare. My absolute terrors spelled out before me as these faceless cries:

"ATTENTION: we've just received delayed reports about a Collector vessel reaching Earth! The Collectors have abducted Commander Shepard! I repeat, the Collectors have abducted Commander Shepard!"

No…

No, no, no…

This sudden loss wracked me. I couldn't even wrap it up in anger, covering it all up.

This loss locked me. Cutting off my thoughts, my reactions. Cutting off this circulation everywhere in me. I couldn't process. I couldn't deal. I couldn't. I couldn't see anything except the last image I had of Shepard, there at that docking bay in her hometown. That bashful look on her handsome face after I'd kissed her in front of everyone. And now—

Right from under my nose.

The Collectors had ripped Shepard from my arms. Taken her from me. Without me even noticing.

And they knew to do it now. On this exact day. At this precise time. The one fucking time we'd left her alone. This had Cerberus written all over it. Cerberus, the Illusive Man. He'd set this up. I knew he did!

This rage broiled in me, now, delayed. Delayed and delayed. Catching up. Rising. Fucking steaming. Teeming in this uncontrollable anger—rising and rising with the volume of these alarms going off. The repetition. The repetition. The repetition and repeating and repeating, repeating, repeating, again and again as I could only stand here on this damned tram, waiting for this thing to get to the other side! But like the alarms, everyone reacting around me had grown louder, fit to burst across this airless space.

Panic, panic, panic with the alarms going off and off and off. Tali couldn't breathe. Panicking, panic attacking her and attacking her and attacking her systems, over and over again. She could not breathe. She inhaled, but nothing stayed in her lungs. Whatever oxygen she took in merely evaporated once it reached her. Much closer to hyperventilating, her failed breaths getting higher and higher pitched—Tali leaned against me, on my other side. She held onto me for some kind of stability, some kind of sanity. Because Liara could give her none, still gripping onto my arm, tears streaming thickly down her face.

"FUCK!" raged Kaidan, not even startling anyone. He gripped his helmed head, pacing around, sobbing. "No, no, no! Not Shepard! Not the commander! Fuck, I can't—I just can't—" Kaidan clawed at his helmet so hard. Coming close to ripping it off, off to this airless void, suffocating. "Goddamnit! Goddamnit!"

Forcing a calm, EDI went over to him. Voice trembling in emotion, she pleaded, "Kaidan, please don't…"

Grunting in endless frustrations, Kaidan pressed his head against the tram, forcing his temptations away.

I could barely hear his struggles anymore—not over the sounds of Miranda's half-crying, half-raging.

Miranda slammed her Overloaded omni-tool hand against the cable car's controls. "Damnit, this thing needs to hurry up! Why won't it move any faster?!" She leaned all her weight there, hanging her head in regret, in helplessness. She whispered words I could also barely hear over everyone else: "God, please, no… Please don't do this. Not Shepard. Not my pride and joy. Don't you take her from me…" She absolved herself of any blame in this plot, prayers rasping from her throat: "Please, please—I'm begging you! I'll do anything. I'll give you anything of me. Just please let her be all right. Please, God. Please…"

She knew nothing. I couldn't blame her for this. Just her downright snake of a boss.

Biotics glowing, flexing around her: Jack looked fit to burst. Growling in anger, she bared her teeth, ready to destroy, ready to kill on the spot. She looked to Miranda, about to fire at her. Only for Kasumi to grab Jack from behind, holding her back. I could see those shadowed tears beneath Kasumi's hood. How she only held herself back, holding Jack like that. Kasumi wrangled her with strength not her own, begging and pleading, pleading and begging. We had all put two and two together by now, figuring out this was Cerberus' doing. But not Miranda's. No, Jack just wanted an excuse to kill her. She couldn't.

Javik had leaned against the tram. He still said nothing. More out of shock this time. Dissociating in silence. Just as Garrus did next to him. Mandibles quaking, he looked like he wasn't even here anymore. His mind remained elsewhere, no doubt imagining the Collectors taking Shepard away from Earth. Powerless. Helpless to stop any of it. Samara's breathing had quickened, too. But, like EDI, she forced herself to stay calm. Or to at least give that appearance. Mordin had mimicked her reactions. All in an effort to not freak the hell out. Even though he probably wanted to. He barely, just barely held it back.

But Legion couldn't stop shifting its head flaps. Small red lights flashed all around its head. It couldn't seem to process any of this, either. So much so that Zaeed kept barking at Legion, cursing in questions; 'asking' if it was all right, if Legion was still there, still here with us.

It just now occurred to me to leave, too. Mentally, emotionally. I tried. I tried and tried to connect to Shepard, to find her out there, somewhere. But as disconnected as I was, I couldn't. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't find her anywhere. I couldn't feel her, I couldn't see her, I couldn't touch her mind at all.

What if she was already…?

Cutting off the rest of my nightmares, Liara woke up. She grabbed hold of my face all of a sudden. Then her eyes went black. She melded her sight to mine, even as our team around us didn't understand.

Garrus snapped in a confused fury, "Liara, is now really the time for that?!"

So far-removed from actual sex, Liara removed my presence far away from this moment.

She brought my sight to where she had searched, to what she had found.

These moving images, right now, of the inside of a Collector ship. Much larger than I could've conceived: the rocky browns and polished chromes raised high up to the endless ceiling. Way up there, various tubes connected from the empty pods near the ground, splattered only with bloodied paste on the insides. Those tubes went off past my view, past Liara's view, out to some misty part of the ship. Except this looked less like a single ship and more like their base. Their homeworld past the Omega 4 Relay.

Right at home, a pair of unarmed Collectors walked toward those pods. Together they dragged someone along. Shepard. They each held one of her arms, pulling her unconscious form across the ground. They fully intended on taking her into one of those pods, those things, to process her alive!

I reached my wishes out to her, across systems, across the galaxy, begging, 'Shepard, wake up!'

Shepard couldn't hear me.

Too deep in her sleep. Too far gone.

Trapped in the white of that void. She couldn't wake.

Tali and Liara's panicking stayed crisp by my side. Even as I kept reaching, reaching, reaching farther:

'Shepard, I need you to wake the hell up. Now!' Those two Collectors kept dragging her closer. Closer to that pod among many. Closer to that pod linking to those tubes, those tubes filled with—'Babe, please, wake up! Wake up!' The chiming sounds of her dog tags sounded from beneath her shirt. Concealed more, Shepard's sidearm protruded along her hip. Her dog tags, her sidearm that wouldn't have been left behind if they processed her, if they got away with this. 'Shepard, come on… Come on! You have to wake up! Open your eyes! Don't let them take you. Don't let them take you away from me… Do you hear me?!' Desperation, desperation growing, bubbling in me as those golden toxins hissed and misted out of the pod. The Collectors had brought her over. They were about to lift her arms, about to lift her inside, pulling these blinding tears out of me. 'Shepard, I fucking love you; I can't live without you. So I need you to open your eyes. Open your eyes right now! Fucking wake up, damnit! WAKE UP!'

Shuddering awake, Shepard's eyes shot open.

Waking with this panic from me instilled in her, she'd already sharpened her instincts.

Shepard pulled her dominant arm out of the Collectors' reach. Both of the Collectors could only look around, caught unawares. Shepard grabbed her gun. Taking full advantage of this element of surprise: she shot one of the Collectors dead. The other one caught still looking around—Shepard shoved it inside the pod instead, trapping it within. That processing kicked in right away. Molding and melting raw matter down to blood and paste, that Collector could only pound its insect-like fists against the glass, letting out such loud clicks of anguish. Wide-eyed in horror, Shepard backed away from the sight, watching what could've been her dissolving in there, then transported up above through those tubes.

The sounds of her gunfire had already alerted the rest of the Collectors.

Dozens and dozens of units started pouring into the room from elsewhere.

'Shepard, you need to get out of there!'

She didn't even need me to tell her.

Shepard activated her tactical cloak. She had already spotted her escape route before I could. Invisible, professionally silent, she hurried toward one of the vents near the floor. Escaping within, she disappeared from the room just as it populated with enemy units. The pattering of the Collector troopers' running across the ground. That deranged moaning and howling from those husks and abominations. The unnatural screeching from those giant, floating Praetorians. They all crowded the area where she once was, surveying the Collector she'd shot dead; the processed remains of the other.

Crawling her way through the vents, Shepard forced herself far away from those sounds, those dangers.

She moved far enough, the vent opening up, widening. Wide enough to where she could walk through, even if she did have to bend down with her height. Somewhat transparent, the vent turned into more of a tube. That tube had a wide, unending view of the rest of the Collector base. The rest of those Collector units out, searching, flying, and scrambling in a panic, trying to find her somewhere. But they couldn't.

The Collectors resorted to drastic measures. All of a sudden, massive waves of heat surrounded Shepard in the vent, ripe to cook her alive instead of processing her. Shepard forced herself not to cry out, in case she gave away her location. Still cloaked, still invisible, she activated her temperature implants as this complement. Ice cold, chilling herself, Shepard could stand the heat. She could take it. She hurried through the vent nonetheless. She rushed and ran, finding a bunch of valves suddenly blocking themselves off behind her. She ran faster. Shepard pushed herself harder. She sprinted and bolted and ran and ran and ran her way through the vent. Through to where? To where? To fucking where, I didn't know. I just needed her to get out of there. I needed her to escape. I needed her to get to open air—someplace safe. I needed her to fucking survive.

I knew Shepard could run forever if she had to. If she really needed to.

And it seemed like she did. Honestly, seriously. Until she reached the other side. Until she escaped the vent at last. Until she practically flew out to the open air of—wherever the hell they'd taken her.

Answering my worries, my worst fears, Shepard stared out to precisely where she stood.

She gazed out to the expanse, and found she had no place left to run.

Heating, burning red from the galactic core. The very edge of a black hole, blazing in a glaring saturation of red and orange and more red, shining in a bright darklight. Raising her hand to her face, covering her eyes, Shepard couldn't handle that sight for long. She instead gazed out to the rest. To the graveyard of ships and ship parts floating out there all around, as sharpened debris with nowhere to go. Forever stuck there.

Just as Shepard would've been if we couldn't get to her.

Exhausted, Shepard fell to her knees. The shock of everything finally hit her. She brought her shirt to her face, breathing in and out against the fabric. Kneeling there over that brown shade of rubble, Shepard's emotions had caught up with her. She fully realized what could've happened. What could've become of her if she hadn't… Yet it seemed to me that she had already accepted that fate. Before. Maybe when the Collectors had first touched down, first invaded her homeworld. She must've chosen to surrender. All to save the innocent people around her. Noble and self-sacrificing and all, and she'd arrived here, still alive.

'Babe, listen to me,' I communicated, softer. 'We're going to get you out of there. I just need you to hold on for a while longer. Do you hear me?' Still invisible, still breathing hard, I could at least see the outline of her cloak glimmering in that saturation. Shepard nodded her head for me. 'Stay right there. You're safe. The Collectors won't find you. We're going to get there and we'll blow them all up. Together.'

Shepard seemed to believe me.

Yet something else continued to weight on her mind. She wouldn't fully calm herself down.

As this tram finally let us off, I looked down at either side of me. Liara and Tali both holding onto my arms. The two of them reaching her through me. They found Shepard through me and refused to let go.

'I have the girls with me. Tali and Liara. They're okay. I'll make sure nothing happens to them, all right?'

That did it.

This single bit of reassurance.

Those specific words from me made Shepard slow her breathing. She calmed down…as much as she could. She relaxed. As much as she possibly could in a situation like this. I felt Shepard's gratitude bursting from her heart. How she had locked herself to me, absolute trust binding us together, more.

I carried this feeling with me as we all rushed back to the Normandy.

Sirens still going off, panic everywhere. The Alliance personnel had completely lost their minds. Running around, not knowing what to do; they only made room for my team to rush by, barely even registering us at times. Some of them shouted in a frenzy about organizing a rescue party. Others shouted the idea down, reminding their superiors that no ship had ever made it back from the Omega 4 Relay. And then they noticed us rushing past. They remembered that the Normandy could make the trip. Besides, if anyone was going to get to Shepard, it had to be us. The soldiers and the scientists found some peace of mind in these reminders. They saluted us as we ran past, wishing us luck. "Godspeed," as humans said.

---

Back aboard the Normandy, we all rushed to the CIC. We would've stayed on the bridge with Joker and EDI, but there just wasn't enough room for all of us. Miranda assumed her position at the galaxy map, ready to chart our course to the Omega 4 Relay. That rusted mass relay, glowing an old, dangerous red, right next to Omega, right next to my station. I had never paid much attention to that thing, convinced it was only taking up space next door. But now it remained our only hope to get to Shepard, to save her.

Miranda found enough focus, gripping the railing at the galaxy map to cover her nerves. "EDI, what's our status on the IFF? Are we clear to proceed through the Omega 4 Relay?"

"The IFF is nearly installed, Miranda. However, I must test its impact on the Normandy's systems—"

Kaidan blurted, "EDI, come on! Do we seriously have time for that?! Shepard needs us to get to her!"

"I understand your frustrations, Kaidan. But I have detected an anomaly within the installation—"

Then Jack barked out, "What the hell?! Fuck that, EDI! We gotta leave now! Deal with that shit later!"

"I have to agree," said Miranda, against her better judgment. "We really don't have time for tests and caution. Finish the installation now. We have to move. We need to leave the Sol System this instant!"

"…very well. The installation is complete. Please specify our destination on the galaxy map."

Before Miranda could even interact with the map, the ship started moving.

"This can't be good," worried Garrus. "What's going on? Miranda, did you pick the destination that fast?"

"No, I… I didn't pick anything yet." Miranda looked around in alarm. "Joker, why are we moving? Did you do something ahead of time?"

"Shit-shit-shit." Joker panicked and panicked. "The ship's moving on its own! I can't stop it! I can't override the commands, I can't hit the failsafes—I can't do anything! EDI, what's happening?!"

EDI explained, way too fucking calmly, "This is the result of the anomaly I detected. I did not have sufficient time to ascertain the details of this anomaly before receiving Miranda's orders. I have now finished analyzing the issue. The IFF has overridden our systems. We are currently leaving the Sol System, but not for the Omega 4 Relay. Our current destination is Cronos Station. Cerberus headquarters."

"What the shit!?"

"We will be forced to leave the Sol System in ten minutes. After this point, our route will be locked. I believe the Illusive Man intends to apprehend the Normandy and everyone aboard. He does not wish for us to reach the commander past the Omega 4 Relay… This is a grave betrayal of mission parameters."

All over again, the team around me went into full-on meltdown mode.

Hearing their screams and shouts and cries, it took everything in me to not fall. To not give into the same madness, the same helplessness. Instead, I held onto EDI's words. We had ten minutes to find a way out of this mess. Ten minutes before this mission went up in flames. Only ten minutes. Ten minutes.

I refused to leave Shepard stranded out there.

Liara had yet to let go of my arm. Through our stronger connection, I could still see Shepard in my mind's eye. I could still see the glimmer of her cloaked form. She stayed knelt on the ground, kneeling in that same spot aboard the Collector homeworld. The edge of the galaxy's accretion disk glowed on in that powerful saturation of light and dark, shining over Shepard's apparent calm. She had started meditating to pass the time. Still alert. Still listening for any threats in the background. She was still safe.

And the way I saw it, I had gotten her out of that near-death situation from moments ago. I could get our team out of this one now. I had to. I had no other choice.

"EDI," I said. "You mentioned our route will be locked once we leave the Sol System. That means it isn't locked as of right now. If you and Joker can't change it, then who can? The Illusive Man?"

"The Illusive Man cannot manually change our current course… It appears only the captain can override the IFF's commands. Since the commander is not here, these permissions fall to the executive officer."

Everyone looked to Miranda.

Seemed simple enough, right? All she had to do was use the galaxy map like normal. Problem solved.

Except it wasn't that easy.

Because Miranda received a call to her omni-tool. The Illusive Man had no doubt been listening into our conversations, spying on us through the ship's surveillance. He wasn't about to let anything change now.

Miranda braced herself before accepting his call.

Smaller this time, the Illusive Man's holographic form projected from her omni-tool.

"I've already heard your discussion," he stated, straight to business. "It's true—only the captain can override the IFF's commands. But I'm afraid I can't let you do that. The Normandy has had its time. Your team has failed the mission. It's over. Miranda, I'll see you at headquarters once you arrive. We haven't spoken in-person in quite some time. Our conversation is long overdue. There's a lot you don't know."

"Sir, this is insane!" shouted Miranda. "You can't just shut the mission down whenever you damn well please! Better yet, you shouldn't want to do this in the first place! What's gotten into you?! Why are you interfering with our progress? With our rescue mission! Shepard's out there, by herself, and she—"

"—she's had her time as well. Leave her. The commander is finished. If you choose to defy my orders, Miranda, I will retaliate against you. This will unfortunately have to get personal. I…I have no choice."

"…what?"

"You have clearance to use the galaxy map, it's true. I wasn't able to prevent that from happening. But if you do this, I will resort to the nuclear option. Cerberus operatives are still looking after your younger sister. Oriana Lawson on Illium. I currently have these operatives on standby. With one word from me, they will murder your sister. They will assassinate her where she is, right now, walking around one of Illium's malls with her friends from university. Should you stay your hand, I will also stay mine. No harm will come to Oriana. If you choose to place Commander Shepard's life over hers, then, again…I will have no choice. The decision is yours."

Just like that, Miranda froze.

All it took was the Illusive Man threatening her sister's life, and Miranda choked up.

She froze. She choked up. She hesitated. She couldn't immediately shoot him down; put Shepard first like she was supposed to do!

Jack snarled at her, "Hey, Princess…you better make the right choice. We got less than ten minutes to get this done. Screw your sister. She doesn't mean shit. Because if you pick her over the commander, it's over. I'll find some way to break out of your Cerberus place. And guess who's gonna be my first victim?"

Quavering in fear, Miranda still wouldn't budge. She just kept standing there on the verge of tears.

EDI gave us a grim warning: "Five minutes remain before we reach the Sol System's mass relay…"

Miranda remained in shock.

In such a sudden, sudden shock from the Illusive Man turning on her like this so suddenly.

That shock was enough to keep stalling, to buy more time, to leave Shepard stranded, to kill our mission.

Absolutely livid, I lost it, raging at her, "Miranda, wake the fuck up! We need to get moving! Are you actually going to make us leave Shepard behind?!" She wouldn't answer me. She wouldn't fucking answer me. Claws out, biotics burning up, seeing red; I lunged at her—"You traitorous piece of shit!"

Too many hands and arms grabbed at me, pulling me back. Liara kept her vice-like grip around my arm, stronger. Samara fully stood in my way, strongest. Too many voices begged and pleaded me to stop. Not Liara's. Definitely not Tali's or Jack's. Everyone else. They didn't want me to make the situation worse.

Either way, it didn't matter.

The Illusive Man did his job. He'd already immobilized Miranda like this. Paralyzed her in fear. She had backed away from me, slumping against the wall near the elevator now. She couldn't even fight back, defend herself. Completely pathetic. Even with her boss watching, so victorious, she let him defeat her.

"Three minutes remain before the Normandy passes through the Charon Relay to Cerberus HQ…"

Staring at the Illusive Man's form in terror, Liara gripped me harder, somehow, getting my attention.

She then whispered to me in anxiety, "Aria, you are the captain. Shepard made the change some time ago. She thought of everything…" But—how? Just how did she know to do this…? "I thought we could trust Miranda to pull through. Maybe… Yet she won't. Please give me the strength to do this. This is our last resort." Only Tali overheard, giving Liara a strange look. Letting go of me, standing strong, Liara asserted herself—with the Illusive Man listening, watching: "Miranda, this game is over. The Normandy no longer needs to recognize you as the executive officer. That role now falls to me. You have failed in your duties. I'm taking charge now."

"You…you what?!" stuttered Miranda from her spot on the floor. "For God's sake, Liara, I can't process what's going on right now! I don't understand what's happening! Aria tried to kill me, and you—!?"

"I don't care for your excuses, Miranda. We're nearly out of time. Shepard needs us! I'm making the executive decision—as our leader's chosen second-in-command." Liara had the outright nerve to look straight at the Illusive Man. Dead in his eyes. Directly into the pure shock and awe shaking through his unnatural blues. "Commander Shepard created a second crew manifest. I'm invoking it now. EDI, will you recognize me as the Normandy's XO? I am listed as such, as well as Shepard's second-in-command."

EDI actually sounded relieved.

"Yes, Liara," she replied, already knowing the details. "The Normandy now recognizes you as the official executive officer. I have removed Miranda's name from the role. She is also no longer the ship's captain."

If the rest of the team wasn't so gobsmacked, they probably would've started cheering.

They instead hung onto Liara's every word, her next ones especially:

"Then I also assert Aria as our new captain. Shepard listed her name on the separate crew manifest."

"Understood. The Normandy recognizes Aria as our temporary captain. She may now override the IFF's locks over our systems. I recommend haste. Only one minute remains before we reach the Charon Relay."

I bolted to the galaxy map not too far away.

Having done this so many times on my own ship, with my own crew—

My hand went straight to the Omega Nebula. The Sahrabarik system with Omega, with home, and with the Omega 4 Relay just nearby. I made the change. I switched our destination. And the ship actually cooperated with me. The sheer elation in Joker's voice sounded as heaven right about now:

"Aria, holy shit! The locks are gone; EDI and I have control again! We're on course! We're en route to the Omega Nebula! We're heading to the Omega 4 Relay! Liara, you're seriously badass! I could kiss you!"

Liara kept her cool. "Let us save the celebrations for later, Joker." The rest of the team held back their sighs of relief. We still had a long way to go. But this was progress. Significant progress. Liara knew the same, walking toward the Illusive Man's form. His holographic form projecting from Miranda's omni-tool. That stern, severe, downright dangerous look in Liara's eyes… I had never seen her like this before. "Illusive Man. I commend your efforts at paralyzing Miranda long enough in order to get your way. I'm afraid it wasn't enough. Even though she is not here, the commander has outsmarted you. She saw this coming; she prepared. You made a fatal mistake in underestimating her. I now speak on her behalf when I say: we do not need you anymore. Expect us to return from this mission alive. With the commander."

Utterly defeated, the Illusive Man could only listen as Joker narrated for us in glee:

"The Charon Relay is in range. Initiating transmission sequence!" Some vague hope Miranda's boss had, for the Normandy to zip through these bright stars and dark skies, arriving at his intended destination. "We are connected. Calculating transit mass and destination." Contrasting against his false hopes, our team persevered. "The relay is hot. Acquiring approach vector. All stations secure for transit." The rest of the Normandy's crew remained on our side, even with their Cerberus loyalties. Not one of them thought of defying us. "The board is green. Approach run has begun." We all felt Shepard with us in this moment: her spirit passing through the CIC as normal. Approaching the bridge. Protecting us. Protecting her ship. Leading us all safely forward even in her absence, even unto death. "Hitting the relay in three…two…one…"

Successfully passing through the Sol System's mass relay, the galaxy map reflected our new location:

Heading through to the Omega Nebula with no issues.

The Illusive Man's form then disappeared from Miranda's omni-tool. He hung up. Left her out in the cold. Just like that. He chose to abandon her, knowing we could've reacted, retaliated in any way.

I didn't want to keep his front row seat for the fallout.

So I gave my order, "EDI, cut the Normandy's surveillance to the Illusive Man. I don't want him listening in on us anymore. Cut off his access to the ship. Everything. I want it all gone! We're done with him."

"Of course, Aria," obliged EDI. "I have severed all surveillance functionalities connected to Cerberus headquarters. Our navigation records, fuel usage, and other relevant data will not transmit to anyone outside the ship. The Illusive Man no longer has access to our location or our activities. It is done."

As for the traitor:

"Kaidan, get the marine detachment together. Place Miranda under house arrest in her room. Shepard can decide what to do with her once it's time. We'll respect whatever decision the commander makes."

Kaidan saluted me. "Aye, aye, Captain! Did you want me to return to the CIC once we've secured her?"

"Yes, please do. Just keep a patrol outside her room. That'll be fine. We have more to talk about."

Kaidan gathered the ship's armed guards nearest to us. Together they escorted Miranda to the elevator. She didn't dare look at me as they went. Of course, Miranda could've overpowered the guards. I knew she was strong enough to kill them, to escape if she really wanted to. But then she would have had to deal with me. Her belated cooperation today was more about keeping the peace. Miranda had accepted her fate. She knew we were all done with her, too. And I almost wished it didn't have to end this way.

Thinking on it now, with a clear head, I would've regretted killing her.

Not for my sake. But for Shepard's. Despite the severity of Miranda's betrayal—purposeful or not—I knew. Shepard would always care about her. At the very least. If nothing else. After all, I remembered that brief, short-lived hope Shepard had had before. Her brief, admittedly delusional hopes for Miranda to come around. But she just wouldn't. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not the next day. Probably never.

Once Kaidan returned to the CIC, he assured us Miranda was locked in her room. The ship's guards would remain stationed outside her door. EDI had also cut off Miranda's access to the ship's surveillance, along with all extranet access in her room. No more spying on us. No attempts to reach out to someone else. Completely isolated. We didn't have to worry about her screwing up anything else.

Spread out before my place at the galaxy map, the rest of the team observed me. They waited for me to speak. They all seemed emotionally drained. Especially Tali, Liara. But still holding it together. Still willing to press on. We had plenty of time before we reached the Omega 4 Relay. So I chose to explain to them:

"Listen, I know we all praise Shepard for being prepared. She thought of everything. I really have to hand it to her. But this preparation of hers didn't come out of nowhere. There's a reason why she did all this."

I told our team the truth. I told them what Tevos had told me back on the Citadel. I told them that the Illusive Man was indoctrinated. That was what he meant when he'd said, "I have no choice." He knew he couldn't win, and so he'd set Shepard up. That was why he'd manipulated Miranda into destroying the Crucible—so no one after us could finish the job. That was why he'd turned on her so harshly in the end.

Through everyone's shock, their rage, their near-tears, I made sure to emphasize Shepard's intentions.

She had figured this out on her own, months ago. Her immediate instinct had been to protect us. So she chose not to tell anyone aside from the Council. Shepard created that separate crew manifest—in the event of an emergency exactly like the one we'd just survived. She also knew the obvious. That if she tried to tell Miranda, to warn her, or anything, then Miranda would not have believed her. More than likely, Miranda would have taken the Illusive Man's side. She would have inevitably alerted her boss to Shepard's knowledge. If the Illusive Man had found that out, it would've been game over. For all of us.

Once I finished my story, the team all stayed in a stunned silence.

No one had any comments, any questions. No reactions besides this persistent shock.

Even Liara hadn't known all the details. Only that Shepard had made these contingency plans in the first place. But she couldn't have imagined it was for something like this.

Then Joker informed us: "Just made it through. We've got plenty of fuel and everything. We're good to go whenever you're ready."

Staring down at the galaxy map again, I felt the pressures of this moment. I couldn't escape them.

I felt the team watching me again. They only added to these pressures, but I couldn't blame them for it.

Shepard safely continued meditating, far beyond my reach. We needed to get to her. No matter what.

Then EDI spoke to me, "Please confirm destination, Aria. The Reaper IFF is online, but there is a chance the Normandy may not survive the Omega 4 Relay. Once we are en route, we are committed."

I set our destination one last time, more than committed. "We're going. And we're getting Shepard back. The Collectors are about to find out what happens when you piss us off. They won't know what hit them."

"You got it, Aria," said Joker. "Plotting a course for the Omega 4 Relay. ETA about two hours. I'll let you know when we arrive."

Turning back to the rest of the team, I took a good look at them. I knew, if we showed up on the Collectors' doorstep this very second, it wouldn't have ended well. Too many uncertain faces. Too many eyes unfocused. Too many emotions stormed between everyone, collectively. When it came down to it, I could never fill Shepard's shoes. This should have been her standing in this spot. This should have been her, giving these final orders for the time being. If we somehow failed to reach her, I knew it was all over for us. All I could do was follow her powerful example.

"We all know the odds are against us. But that's not stopping me. It shouldn't stop you, either. Shepard's waiting for us. I swear to you the Collectors won't find her. She's safe. So take these couple of hours to yourselves. Retreat to your rooms. Rest up. Get your heads back in the game. Because this isn't over. Once we're almost there, I want everyone back at their stations. We'll need all hands on deck to make the journey as smooth as possible. For now, we still have some time. Make the most of it."

Respecting me, believing in me, the team all gave their strong acknowledgments. Then they all retreated to the elevator, returning to the crew deck, and getting back to their rooms as ordered.

Everyone except for Liara, who stayed behind with me.

"What is it?" I asked, trying to hide my lingering nerves.

"Aria, I wished to thank you. Shepard may have gotten us here. But it is your strength that inspired me to free us from the Illusive Man. I don't know if I would've been able to do it on my own. And that is why Shepard chose you to replace her as the captain. It seems our strengths and weaknesses go well with one another. I can look after the team interpersonally. You can protect us through your sheer grit."

"That's true. You're right. Thank you for pointing it out."

Liara managed to smile at me. "Of course. With that said, we're nearly at the end. Are you ready?"

"No," I answered. "Not that it matters. We're going in mostly blind, and we don't even know if we'll survive the trip. Plus, after all the bullshit from earlier, too many of our people are unfocused. No way in hell we're ready…but we don't have a choice. Shepard needs us. I'm willing to sacrifice anything for her."

"Even with these bad odds, I know you'll get it done. We'll get it done."

Such an unwanted moment of vulnerability for me.

All because I realized:

I couldn't have done this on my own. I couldn't have helped Shepard by myself. If not for Liara, I wouldn't have been able to find her. I wouldn't have been able to reach her, to wake her up, to speak to her. I would have ended up letting the Collectors take Shepard away from me, from all of us…

Liara saw this truth in my eyes. She told me, "I understand how you feel, Aria. But I wasn't able to wake Shepard in that moment. That was why I turned to you. You did what I couldn't. Let this be a reminder: I am here to support you. You and the commander both. I can only hope you will accept my support."

"I'll do more than accept it. You're invaluable to me now, Liara. I suppose this is just—unsettling."

"Well, hopefully in time it will become easier to deal with. You could say we will have entire lifetimes to get used to one another. For now, I should go check on the others. I'll also be sure to inform you of any changes. Otherwise, we'll arrive in a few hours. Good luck, Aria. We will see you on the other side."

Instead of saluting me like Kaidan had done earlier, Liara chose a more personable approach.

She came up to me, holding my hand. Just holding mine in both of hers. Liara communicated her sincerest thoughts to me without words. Just through her eyes. Then she smiled at me, radiating this serenity through us, before taking her leave. She left only the most positive energies in her wake.

Completely alone now, staring at the elevator, I realized something else.

I now had access to the captain's quarters…

Shepard's room.

I had never been up there before. I wondered if this was the best time to sate my curiosities. But it really felt like now or never. I didn't want to hesitate on this, only to somehow regret it later. So I made the decision to head to the elevator—and I selected the topmost floor. The elevator brought me upstairs. Up to the captain's private cabin. Up to Shepard's quiet space; her coveted living area aboard the ship.

As soon as I entered the room, the smell of Shepard's cologne reached me.

I smelled her as if she were here. As if we were back at her apartment again. As if nothing had gone wrong whatsoever. As if things were perfectly normal.

Knowing it was all a lie, I couldn't help these emotions stinging at my eyes.

Stinging, blurring, but I could still take in these details of Shepard's room. Organized. Orderly. Cleanliness glowing in the ethereal blue light from her fish tank. Structure, relaxation from the bed against the far wall. A quiet comfort, seclusion. This space seemed to miss her. Maybe as much as I did.

Passing by her desk, I saw those two pictures. The one of her and Tali; the other one of her and Liara. The sight did warm me. Even if it felt lukewarm. Bittersweet. I wasn't one to enjoy taking pictures. Neither was Shepard, apparently. Yet I yearned to have something of us in this room as well. I wanted her to have a picture to look back on. I wanted one for us, too, to do the same for myself. And then:

I received an email to my omni-tool.

An email from Tali.

She had only written, "Thank you, Aria. Thank you so much."

The attachment she'd included expressed the rest of her gratitude.

This unexpected picture Tali had taken of Shepard and me. Candid, secret. Neither of us had noticed her stellar photography skills capturing us. Nevertheless, Tali had photographed us together. Together at the 94, right as I had made to leave her alone. I was on my way to introduce myself to the club's owners. Stopping to say goodbye to Shepard first. Stopping to admire her, to adore her, all while the club's golden, digital display lit up the walls in the background. Tali had somehow caught this specific moment. The most precious moment with this loving look in my eyes. I almost didn't recognize myself. Nor did I recognize the sheer longing in Shepard's stare. How much she wished I would've stayed with her…except she wouldn't say the words. I hadn't noticed anything until now, now that I saw her like this.

Shepard chose to sacrifice so much of herself for me. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

Hurrying to save her, despite the odds, seemed like the least I could do.

But for some reason, this didn't feel like enough.

I could never repay Shepard for loving me the way she did. It was impossible. But I still wanted to try.

Going to her bed, I once again found her scent in this blanket, in these sheets, over these pillows. I curled up in this temporary paradise, thinking of her. Thinking of all I held dear. Including my dearest and only daughter. I had been picturing Liselle and Shepard lately. The two of them with me, at my side. In such a specific way. I thought about it all over again once I checked my other emails, finding that Liselle had messaged me earlier. My daughter had sent a few frantic emails. She had heard the news of Shepard's abduction. Everyone must have known by now. The Alliance personnel at the Archives had apparently spoken to the media, telling them that the Normandy had left on this rescue mission. The galaxy remained in suspense. Just as my daughter did.

I wrote back to Liselle, explaining everything. Absolutely everything. I left nothing out—for once. I actually told her how I felt. How I really, really felt about Shepard. How I imagined us. How ashamed it would always make me feel before. How I couldn't help any of that anymore. Now I needed Liselle to know the full story. I didn't necessarily expect to die on this mission. But just in case I did, I told Liselle the whole truth. I needed her to know it was worth it. That Shepard was worth dying for.

---

Once it was nearly time, I decided to leave Shepard's room. I couldn't keep wallowing in my feelings like this. Otherwise I risked losing my focus when it mattered. But as I walked around the Normandy, taking stock of the crew, this extra time hadn't been helpful to everyone. Some of the team, like Liara and Samara, had benefitted from all this time to think, to refresh, to focus up. The others…not so much.

Still, we had to move forward. Everyone knew they had to get themselves together. So they'd returned to their stations, ready and not-ready and only-sort-of-ready to get this done. Nothing else mattered.

I made my way to the bridge, with Liara following close behind. Past the windows of the cockpit, the familiar red from the Omega 4 Relay glowed through to the ship, that old contraption spinning faster as we approached. I stood between EDI and Joker in their chairs, focused.

Even from this emotional distance, I could tell:

A strange energy permeated through the helm. Stranger than the unknown of the relay before us. EDI seemed as prepared as ever. Clear-eyed. Ready to go. But Joker…I didn't know about him. I didn't know.

He held himself together enough now that I was here, now that Liara was right behind me.

I just had a feeling about him.

Joker made the announcement, "Approaching Omega 4 Relay. Everyone stand by."

Approaching and approaching, that light from the relay grew unbearably bright. But I stared straight ahead anyway. I focused on that eye of the storm, needing us to get through. We had to make it.

"Let's make it happen," I said.

Joker took an unusually deep breath as he handled the ship's controls.

Such a contrast to EDI's preparedness as she worked. "Reaper IFF activated. Signal acknowledged." Somewhere, I felt the ship moving way too much. "Drive core electrical charge at critical levels."

Joker hurried to correct the issue—"Rerouting!"—right as we flew into that bloodied light of the relay.

Passing through the unknown at such impossible speeds.

This sudden acceleration made me grip the leather of his pilot's chair.

I held on with everything in me, finding Liara doing the same on EDI's side.

The suddenness of bolting through that debris field, that graveyard of ships I had seen before:

Panicking again, Joker barely maneuvered us in time, getting the Normandy through a tight opening. All those hulking ship parts, pieces of metal clawing and broken and taking up serrated space. Those gigantic parts and pieces eclipsed the light everywhere—that same red, that same saturation as Shepard's sky. Once we made it to a clearing, I saw all those other dead ships dotting along the horizon. The galactic core glowed on as a sun, burning in a bright light; shadowing all as jagged edges, everywhere.

Joker observed, "These must be all the ships that tried to make it through the Omega 4 Relay. Some look…ancient."

EDI noted, "I have detected an energy signature near the edge of the accretion disk."

The largest, unobscured ship of ships:

"That's the Collector base," I said. "Shepard's over there. Take us in."

So smooth, nice and easy, the Normandy made its way toward that towering homeworld.

The illusion shattered not even moments later.

EDI gave a warning, "Careful, Jeff. We have company."

I couldn't see anything in front of us, but I felt the disturbance all of a sudden. Something out there had fired at the Normandy, shaking us and mowing down our shields. Joker worked with EDI to take evasive maneuvers. But I could see his hands juddering as he controlled the ship. I could see him flailing under his best attempts to cover it all up, swiping and pressing at the controls with all his might. Joker managed to fire back at those tiny drones out there somehow doing so much damage to us. But he also seemed to fight against EDI—flying the ship with him—even as she did her best to help him out. His need to get to Shepard had grown so great, he'd stopped considering anyone else. He charged ahead.

"Jeff, you are fighting against me!" snapped EDI. "We need to share control—!"

"I've got it, EDI! I'm taking these things out, all right?! I fucking got it!"

He absolutely didn't have it, because Liara and I felt the worst hit yet against the ship's plating. Someone's gnarled, curdling shouts pierced us from somewhere behind. Farther behind the bridge, from the armory. The sound of that voice—it only could've been one person.

Liara hurried down the bridge. "Zaeed?!"

Biting back my reactions, I ran after her.

Joker's regretful groans sounded just beneath the Normandy still firing at our attackers outside.

Holding it together, I had to hold onto the backs of the crew's chairs lining the bridge, just to walk straight with all this turbulence. Liara did the same right ahead of me. We navigated this shifting and seesawing, getting to the CIC first. Past the CIC we rushed to the armory's broken door. Just outside the door, the floor of the ship had burned and singed, leaving behind a near-crater of destruction. Through the forced-open door itself, the armory had gone up in flames. The sprinklers went off in there, keeping the fires from spreading out here. But Liara and I could already see the worst. Zaeed's charred corpse lay on the ground. His armor had burst open from the wound of that drone's beams. Blood-spattered and broken, the old man hadn't stood a chance. Even though I knew for a fact Shepard had upgraded the ship. She had decked the Normandy out with the best she could possibly find. Yet this still happened.

Liara breathed out, "Goddess, no… Jack will be devastated." We waited and waited for the sprinklers to extinguish those flames. "That also could've been James in there. He did himself a favor by leaving."

Fed up, I pointed out, "Joker isn't on his game. He's fighting EDI for control when they're supposed to be working together! I can't even wonder what his damn problem is, because I already know. It's obvious."

"I have to agree with you… This is all terribly tragic."

Another hit drilled into the ship somewhere down below us.

"Alert!" sounded EDI's voice over the intercom. "Hull breach on the engineering deck!"

"It's in the cargo hold!" said Joker. "Some kind of intruder! We've gotta get it out of here!"

Just one thing after another.

"Liara, get a team together," I ordered. "Go deal with the intruder. I'll get Zaeed's body to the med bay."

"Right away!"

Liara hurried into the elevator, disappearing downstairs. I waited for the rest of these flames to subside. Once they vanished, I stepped into the soaking armory, these shallow puddles wetting the bottom of my boots. I found Zaeed's corpse right in the middle of the room. Right in the trajectory of the Normandy's scarred plating. The violet luminescence of the ship's kinetic barrier glowed on, keeping our oxygen levels locked safely inside. Outside, I witnessed all those tiny, but deadly drones flying around the ship. One by one, they fell to the Normandy's cannons, as Joker and EDI fought back, even as they fought against one another. That fighting had led to this death. Their discord led me to kneeling at Zaeed's side, reflecting like this. I remembered first meeting him on Omega years ago, respecting his previous work with the Blue Suns. Whatever my personal opinions had been of him, they didn't matter. I could still remember appreciating him. Especially when I first joined this team, seeing a familiar face. I just now realized how much easier that had made things for me, stepping so far out of my comfort zone.

Taking on my responsibility as captain, I took his burned corpse into my arms. I carried Zaeed's remains down to the med bay. Dr. Chakwas would know what to do. This whole journey, this whole process served as another reminder. This wouldn't have happened if Shepard were here. And I could never, ever fill this void she had left behind. For all my bravado and accomplishments, the simple fact remained. I could never live up to Shepard's legacy. I would never be even half the leader she was. All I could do was get the Normandy to her. Beaten and broken; much emptier than before.

When I reached the med bay, I found Dr. Chakwas waiting for me. She had her head down, nodding in a grim resignation. She then had me set Zaeed's body down on one of the beds. Dr. Chakwas covered him in a white sheet. Soon I heard Liara speaking to me via radio over the sounds of biotics and gunfire.

"Aria, I have Kaidan and Samara with me. There is some sort of large, flying drone in the cargo hold. We are dealing with it as best as we can, but it is rather evasive. It is close to escaping the ship."

"We're sitting ducks out here!" called Joker. "I have to try to lose them in the debris field!"

Grabbing hold of the med bay's equipment, I fought to keep my balance, to keep standing. All this damned turbulence again—I worried that the Normandy wouldn't hold. I wasn't alone in my thinking.

EDI chimed in, "Our kinetic barriers are not designed to survive impact with debris that size, Jeff."

Joker snapped back, "You think that matters?! Shepard's waiting for us! We're going in!"

This fucking hothead was going to get us all killed!

Joker knew it. He knew he shouldn't have done this. "Come on—find some room. Find some room!"

EDI warned him again, "Kinetic barriers at forty percent."

"Reroute non-critical power! This is gonna hurt…"

As Joker forced us through the debris field, the Normandy hit everything in its way. I used my biotics just to force the gravity around me to cooperate. I grabbed hold of Dr. Chakwas this time, saving her from falling to the floor. Another awful explosion blasted through the ship, more than likely cutting another gash through the hull. Not on this floor. Not on the crew deck. Somewhere on the engineering deck…

"Damage report!" ordered Joker.

"Explosion in the port cargo room!" relayed EDI. "Damage was contained. But Javik…did not survive."

Dr. Chakwas muffled her sound of grief.

If we didn't need Joker to pilot the ship…

"Damnit… Okay. Just—take the helm, EDI. Keep it slow. See if we can avoid any more attention…"

"Please go ahead, Aria," requested Dr. Chakwas. "Don't worry about me. You need to get to Javik."

"All right," I accepted, leaving the med bay. "I'll be back with him as soon as I can."

With the ongoing commotion, I kept my biotics glowing around me, forcing this equilibrium. Even though this body count started getting to me. Then I returned to the elevator, heading down one floor. The whole time, I couldn't stop thinking about these tragedies. Javik's room was just down the hall from mine. In another universe, that could've been me instead. Or even Tali and Legion in the engine room. If something had happened to Tali, I couldn't possibly imagine Shepard's reaction… She would've lost it.

Arriving to Javik's room, I found his corpse much like Zaeed's. Burned to a crisp. Barely recognizable. Lying there on the floor beneath the shower of the sprinklers putting out the fires. Losing the Crucible and then losing Javik, all in the same day. We had lost this history, lost this meaning. The last surviving Prothean in the entire galaxy had fallen to Joker's idiotic mistakes. Carrying Javik with me, I reflected again. Remembering that he had respected me; maybe even had a crush on me, but he'd never said these things to me directly. Always calling me Shepard's queen…

As I brought him with me to the elevator, I looked past the windows. The windows above the cargo hold. Liara and her team continued fighting that spherical enemy, whittling it down. Such a powerful red laser beamed down on Kaidan's biotic defenses. I got the hell away before it could try to fire at me up here.

I safely got Javik's body to the med bay. Dr. Chakwas merely pointed to another bed. I brought him over, setting him down. She pulled that white sheet to cover him completely. I didn't want this place to turn into a morgue. We just needed to get through this without losing anyone else. Not another death more.

"Better get back up here, Aria," said Joker, sounding down. "We're about to clear the debris field."

No time to stop, no room to rest. Not even a second to breathe. Back up the elevator I went, finding Liara on the way, her team having dealt with that intruder. Together we returned to the bridge.

Unobstructed, we could finally see our destination straight ahead.

"Shepard's just near a landing spot," I said. "Wherever you can set us down without drawing attention, she has to be there."

The Collectors dashed my hopes of getting in quickly and quietly. They sent out one of their largest ships, lodging itself out from the towering trunk of the massive base. The same fucking ship that had been hounding Shepard for years. The one that had killed her and destroyed the original Normandy before; and no doubt the same one that had abducted her back on Earth.

Sharpened and rounded in halos of rock and steel, that thing came right for us. The golden core of its main gun glowed in warning, lighting up as it charged. EDI and Joker actually worked together this time, dodging that deadly beam with ease. I remembered we had those Thanix cannons to fight back.

"Time to show our new teeth. Fire the main gun." Those perfect forces of light converging into one powerful beam. Our cannons tore straight through that ship, blasting it open in flames. Joker held back his excitement over the sight, knowing all we'd risked to get here. "Get in close and finish them off."

Just one more punch, and it did the job. The rest of that ship practically melted from our cannons, dissolving in explosion after explosion. Victorious, the Normandy raced clear past that spectacle—but not for long. The rippling shockwaves from that explosion bucked and rocked us. Those ripples turned to invisible shots themselves, ramming against us; nearly throwing the ship completely off.

Joker scrambled to keep control. "Mass effect field generators are offline! EDI—give me something!"

"Generators unresponsive… All hands brace for impact!"

Hovering over the hull of the Collector base, the Normandy limped forward. Limping as these impacts against the ship punched at our wings. Limping and falling and skidding in burning flames, threatening to burn us alive. What little the hull could still hold, it held, keeping us relatively safe. Throwing us off-balance, Joker and EDI barely stayed in their seats; Liara and I barely stayed on our feet, falling this way and that amid this crash-landing. Skidding and flaming and sparking to a gradual halt, the ship eventually stopped. It stopped. We'd made it. Barely alive. Barely functioning.

"Joker!" said Liara, finding her balance. "Are you all right?"

"Ugh…think I broke a rib," groaned Joker, while the ship's controls sparked and fizzled. "All of them!"

EDI gave an update: "Multiple core systems overloaded during the crash. Restoring operation will take time—"

Once it sunk in that we were here, my body moved on its own.

I bolted out from the Normandy. I ran outside without looking back.

Someone might've called my name. I didn't know who. It didn't matter. Nothing else did. I didn't even assume this landing zone would be safe. I had no concept of safety, no concept of time. I ran and ran atop the false earth of this Collector base. I ran down this slope, escaping the demonic scheme of the sights overhead and in the distance. I ran with every single emotion I had. I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop.

The Normandy smoked and charred behind me, practically broken. Practically dead.

Even if we didn't have a way out of here, I didn't care. I couldn't. Not in this moment. Not as I rushed down this incline, finding my one love so sublime. I found Shepard walking toward me. Tall and proud, even in this near-death, she emerged from this unknown. Scathed, but never broken, she projected the strength I needed. The exact strength to show me she was all right; that this was real; that she still lived.

When she took me into her arms, everything felt correct.

Shepard wrapped her certainty around me. I nearly broke down. I should have. Sheer disbelief from the moment, the exhaustion from getting here… She somehow made it all okay. Even as I smelled this Collector base over her skin, from her hair, all over her regular clothes, I couldn't care. This sweat and grime belonged to her, and it smelled so divine to me. Just like the sound of her voice, so comforting.

"Thank you, Aria. Thank you for getting here. I knew I could count on you. I knew you'd pull through."

And this euphoria when she kissed me—I would never forget it.

Yet as much as Shepard sustained me, we knew we couldn't linger here. Even though she had been safe here all this time, anything could've changed at any moment. So I brought her back to what remained of the Normandy. Holding me around my waist, Shepard tensed at the sight of her now-haggard ship, clenching me tighter. Considerate as ever, I could tell she didn't blame me for any of this.

As soon as we boarded the ship, returning to the bridge, Shepard's consideration for me grew and grew. She found the rest of the team waiting for us, waiting for her. Complete relief from them, everywhere. Sighs and cheers and soft laughter. Tali outright jumped into Shepard's hold, barely stopping herself from crying in joy. Still holding me, Shepard managed to catch her with a grin, keeping Tali close. Liara held onto them both, endlessly relieved. Shepard smiled down at her in pure gratitude as well.

But then she looked around some more. Surveying the group with care. Shepard noticed a couple of absences. Missing faces. Everyone else stared down at the floor of the bridge. Avoiding eye contact. Looking mournful, remorseful. Just staying quiet, not knowing what to say. How to break the news to her. Wordlessly, Shepard understood enough. The elation from our reunion all but wore off. Her expression fell to seriousness.

We all guided her to the elevator.

As we went in silence, Shepard already seemed to know. She knew what to expect.

I knew she didn't blame me for this, either.

But I still felt responsible. I felt completely responsible for this grim solemnity in the med bay. I felt absolutely responsible for the slowness of Shepard's footsteps, walking toward those beds. Those beds where Javik and Zaeed lay, their outlines visible and shadowed beneath the white of those sheets.

Shepard kept her head down. She quietly mourned their deaths.

Jack went over to Shepard's side. She stared down at Zaeed's frame underneath his sheet. Caring, understanding, Shepard held Jack around her shoulders. She gave Jack this moment, so supportive. I could tell how much this meant. Just for Jack to have this type of support from Shepard. Especially at a time like this. It seemed to make all the difference.

After enough time had passed, Shepard moved with us to the mess hall. She had clearly noticed the Normandy's guards posted outside of Miranda's room. So Liara volunteered to explain the whole story. She caught Shepard up on the events from Mars. The Crucible. The Illusive Man's orders to Miranda to destroy the blueprints. Her decision to erase the data, but for such specific reasons. Then her boss' last-ditch effort to kill the mission once we returned to the ship. Miranda's failure to lead, her failure to put Shepard first. Liara's decision to officially switch up the chain of command. Then everything else. All that had gotten us here. Our journey through the Omega 4 Relay. And all that had happened to the ship.

The whole time while Liara explained everything, Shepard only listened.

She didn't say a word.

Such a deep-seated anger sat with her, growing and growing by the minute.

Once Liara finished explaining, we gave Shepard a moment to process everything.

Given the circumstances, our commander did a remarkably wonderful job at keeping calm. On the outside, anyway. I could tell that anger continued raging within her. But she refused to really show it.

"Listen," said Shepard after a while. "We've all been through a lot. Sounds like you had a hell of a time with Miranda and the Illusive Man. I'm proud of you all for making it out of that situation. I'm glad you managed to get to me, too. But we can't stop here. We still have one final thing left to do." She canted her head upward, speaking to Joker and EDI over the comms. "How long until the Collectors find this landing zone? Obviously I was out there for a while. I'm wondering how much time we have left."

EDI responded, "I do not detect an internal security network. It is possible the Collectors did not expect anyone to reach the base."

Joker added, "If we're lucky, their external sensors were hit like we were. They might not know we're alive."

"Understood." Then Shepard looked to each of us, deciding: "I want you all to get back to your rooms. Get back to your stations. Wherever you feel most comfortable. Before we head out, I'd like to speak with each of you one-on-one. Find out where your head's at. Because of the extraordinary circumstances we're in, I know you're not all there. I know losing me threw a lot of you off your game." Some of the team couldn't hide the truth; couldn't hide their shaken reactions. "It's okay. Really, it is. At the same time, I have to make a decision. I have to make a choice. If I feel you're not at your best, I'm going to have to ask you to stay behind. Even if it means going into the final assault with half the team—or less—this is what we have to do. I'm not losing any more of you. I refuse to send any of you out there to die."

Everyone nodded in a grim understanding.

To me, this seemed like the most compassionate choice Shepard could've made. Compassionate and pragmatic at the same time. For the ones she would take with her, this would add an insurmountable pressure over their shoulders. But I expected Shepard to only choose the ones who could handle it.

For the time being, the team followed their orders.

They departed for their rooms, for their stations. We all knew Shepard needed some space to herself first. To clean up. To get changed. To get mentally prepared for this final end of our suicide mission. Once she was ready, she would find us.

As everyone left, I only lingered for a short while. Shepard made sure to look at me. She regarded me with the utmost gratitude, still, for all I had managed to pull off. Despite these extraordinary circumstances, indeed, we had our unity. We had this sense of security, knowing Shepard would guide us the rest of the way. I had never relied on anyone like this before. I had prided myself on not doing it. Yet this security blanket Shepard had given me—as my leader, as the love of my life—kept me bundled and warm as I left to my room. I held and I cherished this feeling, as much as I held and cherished her, even across life and death, across space and time.