"The View of Palaven" from Mass Effect 3 / "Lucifer II Battle" from Shin Megami Tensei IV

LXXII. Palaven – Lucifer, Sin of Pride

(Liara)

A blotchy, paint-white blankness overtook me as I slept on over these next few nights on Palaven. As if I should have been able to see the layers underneath. As if I should have been aware of what went on beneath the surface. This paint had covered over my dream's surroundings. Thickly, spots of wet bubbles effervesced over this unnatural canvas. Almost as if someone had taken the existing paintings of Insomnia's brooding cities and brushed over everything with a potent whiteout. Involuntary, I knew that my mind continued to work in Insomnia. For some reason I lacked the awareness, the cognizance I'd had for the past three years. So my lucid dreaming had me thinking of the present, of real life as I slept on.

This natural history museum as the turians' operating base continued to hold our team in shelter. During the day, I would sit with Shepard and General Victus, staying on top of developments with the Battle at the Kingsglaive. Kaidan and Garrus would remain close by, ready to respond at a moment's notice. Aria had completely absorbed herself with Omega, with retaking her station. Shepard did not say anything about it for the first two days or so. But I could tell Aria's distractedness had irritated her. So much so that Shepard had ordered Aria to return to the Normandy. She asked Samara to take Aria's place instead. It could not have been Jack, as she wouldn't have held up well in this cold, with the snows still carrying on. The turians did not have many quarian-ready supplies for Tali, and so she couldn't join us, either. Everyone else had their work to attend to aboard the ship. Samara was the most logical choice, as we needed her strength for this mission; Cortez brought her over to us after dropping Aria off on the ship.

Samara's calming presence helped to quell my anxieties during the day. She did the same at night when we would sit with Garrus and Kaidan, the four of us chatting together about the day's developments.

Anxieties over the mission in general.

Anxieties over so many people dying for our cause: the turian and Alliance soldiers throwing themselves at Lucifer's forces near the Kingsglaive, still clearing out the area these days later.

Anxieties over the future. What-ifs.

Comparatively speaking, my nerves had settled down a great deal since my time with Dr. Aerie. Having Samara with us also proved useful. Except I couldn't shut everything off completely. Not that I wanted to. Yet Shepard caused me to worry the most. I knew these past few days hadn't been kind to her. She did not sleep, and so she had spent this time thinking non-stop, just as I had predicted she would do.

We still hadn't had the time to speak privately.

Not with everything going on.

Instead, Samara was the one who had brought me aside yesterday.

The two of us had taken a walk together outside the museum, under the guise of better familiarizing ourselves with the terrain. I had remained curious about Samara's intervention with Admiral Hackett the other day, warning him to hurry his ships away from imminent destruction by the Reapers. The patience of the falling snowflakes had observed our conversation. Somewhere, I had felt Shepard's watchful eyes on me from her vantage point in the museum, from the other side of the windows. I could never escape her sniper's gaze, precise with care for me. Her care had kept me warm—just as her shared temperature implants had done, even from this distance. The snow hadn't fazed me at all for this conversation:

"Samara, you have kept secrets," I had said right from the start. "Your blessing of knowledge as a matriarch has given you a certain foresight. Except you chose not to share these details with us. Why?"

Samara's open, ethereal stare held remnants of guilt as she had explained, "I could not, Liara. I could not speak a word of them. Not unless I felt it was absolutely necessary. Otherwise, I risked changing too many events, resulting in the loss of our predictive abilities. I tested the waters before in recommending to Shepard that the two of you visit Old Armali together. Then I outright crossed the line in warning Admiral Hackett. I have now changed too much. We matriarchs can no longer predict much of anything."

"I understand… What would have happened, then, had we lost Hackett instead? Do you know?"

"This would have left the Alliance leaderless. Technically, Admiral Mikhailovich would have been next in line, per the unsteady chain of command in light of Alliance Parliament's desertion of their people. But the human military would have revolted against this, as the admiral is not very popular among his troops. They would have lobbied for Shepard to replace Admiral Hackett instead. Given all that has occurred, you can imagine the enormous burden this would have placed on the commander's shoulders."

I had recoiled at the thought of Shepard suffering such a burden. "Yes, I agree with you. I cannot fathom how Shepard would have reacted to shouldering yet another responsibility. And what about Aria? I'm assuming you're already aware of what's happened. What she chose to do with Ashley."

"I am aware. Aria's recklessness was the greatest source of uncertainty for me. I struggled the most with whether or not to warn Shepard of her activities. Even if I did warn her, we still would have reached the same conclusion. I simply had to believe that Shepard would find her own way. She has now done so."

"Then I would like to know, Samara. What exactly was the safe option, instead of the dangerous one she chose? I knew there was another way. An alternate path that would have taken longer. But I knew nothing else beyond that."

Samara softened her tone to avoid wounding me: "Shepard would have needed to propose to Aria on her own. However, there is no telling how long this would have taken."

"That makes sense… Thank you for these explanations, Samara. That only leaves the asari councilor's mysteries. Do you have any idea why she and the Council chose to do what they did? I never expected them to deny Earth the opportunity to better prepare for this war."

"The asari councilor's goals are the same as they have always been: the preservation and continuation of our civilization—meaning the asari people. Tevos of course concerns herself with the galactic community as a whole. But as our voice on the Council, her primary concern is in advancing our interests as a species. As a result of Aria's duplicity, Tevos understood that the commander's protections from indoctrination were doomed to fail. Meaning Shepard would have been unable to protect Thessia should our homeworld come under siege by the Reapers. This secretive gambit with the Council—against Anderson's wishes—was meant to protect asari civilization from falling, even in a roundabout way."

"Even if that is true, I cannot understand her methods. Did she not foresee Shepard's transcendence?"

"She did not. This was never part of her calculations. Nor did she expect me to ruin our predictive methods. Tevos is undoubtedly a skilled politician. She had banked on no one finding out about her plans, as she does not know what I am aware of. She will now have to explain herself soon enough. Ideally during our next visit to the Citadel. But you are still wondering about her reasons, aren't you?"

"Of course I am," I had puzzled. "What does Earth's ruin have to do with Thessia's survival?"

"It involves the secret dome cities on our homeworld. The Council conceived the idea of using the Zakera Wards for refugee housing, due to one particular dome city underneath Armali. The ideas are linked."

"Dome cities? I've never heard of them. Certainly not buried below my hometown."

Samara had smiled in reminiscence. "I seem to recall an old story I heard of your childhood. One in which you spent your days in the park beside your home with Benezia, digging for ruins beneath the grass."

"Oh, how I remember those days… I was convinced I would find something down there. I couldn't stop my imagination from running wild with ideas. My mother used to scold me over it."

"Well, there may have been some merit behind your youthful adventures. There is in fact something buried underneath your hometown. I am confident Shepard will entice Tevos to reveal the existence of these cities. We may gain access to visit the one beneath Armali. In the meantime, there is no need to worry for Shepard's safety. It is true that she has transcended in response to these difficult events. She has at last found the sovereignty she needs to press onward, completely unshackled. After all that has transpired, you are the one Shepard trusts above anyone else. Almost anyone, I should say. The challenge lies in getting her to trust you more than she trusts herself. I believe you are up to the task."

By the time I awoke in the morning, this conversation with Samara remained fresh in my mind.

I still lay in the museum on Palaven, wrapped in a cot on this hard silver floor. And yet this continued warmth fooled me into thinking I had transported back to the comfort of my bed. The greater gentleness of Shepard's presence, even hardened by the outer shell of her N7 armor, only added to the fantasy for me. She sat right by me, scrolling through an extranet page on her omni-tool. I had curled up against her leg without realizing it. Completely automatic in my sleep. Shepard didn't seem to mind at all. But I could tell her pervasive thoughts had yet to leave her. She had a distant air about her. Incredibly distant as she browsed this extranet page. Unable to help myself, I took a brief peek:

Shepard had spent this time looking up counselors on the Citadel. Someone to speak to. The current page she browsed gave information about the powerful and influential Sha'ira, an asari consort with a highly successful business on the Presidium. I did not know much about Sha'ira myself. Only the stories of her kindness and compassion, and her famous gifts of words—she was many things to many people, unique to each individual. Sha'ira's clientele included many high-profile names across the galaxy, from decorated war generals to wildly successful business moguls. Shepard herself wouldn't have been out of place on such a list of the consort's clients. She grumbled and quickly scrolled past mentions of Sha'ira's more erotic services, making me smile. Shepard didn't seem interested in that at all. The main draw for her: the consort's promise of total discretion and airtight security. Shepard kept this distance about her as she pondered, considered. I could not envision her trusting anyone with something like this. Maybe my time with Dr. Aerie had inspired Shepard to give this a try. Whatever she decided to do, I would support her.

Some of that distance narrowed once she noticed me stirring beside her.

"Shepard. Good morning."

"Hey, Liara. How'd you sleep?"

"Better than I expected. I've already grown used to the occasional sounds from outside. The fighting." Looking around, I didn't see Kaidan, Garrus, or Samara anywhere. "Are the others with General Victus?"

"No, they got restless. Victus sent them to bolster a flank out in the city. Nothing they can't handle on their own. He did warn that something important might come up soon. The soldiers near the Kingsglaive are close to getting the job done. They've almost cleared the area for us."

Sitting up in grogginess, I asked, "Why didn't you wake me? We could have joined them."

Shepard glanced away in a hard shyness. "I didn't want to. You looked like you were finally at peace."

"I was. I am. Mostly."

Something heavy seemed to weigh on her mind now. Much heavier than before.

As if we had swapped places. I had left many of my troubles behind, while she had found only more.

I wondered if Shepard had been avoiding this. Never wanting to dwell on me for this specific reason. Choosing to focus on others to escape this difficult contemplation of hers. Everyone else appeared to be a known quantity for her. Dangerous lines never to cross—with Tali. Senseless frustrations never to revisit—with her other exes. I seemed much more nebulous in comparison. Shepard did not know how to define me anymore. Not after she had stopped painting her perspective of me in such broad strokes, back when we weren't really speaking to one another. Given our vastly different personalities, I considered the possibility. The possibility that our love posed quite the challenge for her, and so she had gone to great efforts to suppress her feelings for me. Feelings she'd had all this time, all these years—even in death, in anger, and in love with other people. So many, many feelings that had burst from the seams and out from the darkness, shocking her as they had when I'd first kissed her again in my room.

More than her heart, I had gripped her mind and refused to let go.

I knew she found this very romantic. How she dealt with the actual reality was another matter entirely.

I could not ask her about it, as Shepard had decided we ought to check on General Victus. She gave me some time to eat, and to prepare myself for the day ahead. And then we returned to the general at his station, this war-torn view of Palaven brightened by the morning snow. The turians had fortified the immediate area with a barricade, further protecting the museum from any stray attacks on the ground.

"Ah, there you are," said Victus. "I was nearly about to send for you. Commander Shepard, Dr. T'Soni. We need your help. Something urgent has just come up."

Shepard asked, "What do you need, General?"

"I've lost contact with General Corinthus on Menae. There's a comm tower out and it needs repairs. Luckily, your teammates are already in the vicinity. I've asked them to repair the tower. But it's taking them quite a while to get through the enemies out there. Even with your justicar companion's power."

"Understood. I'll contact them now and see what we can do."

"Thank you, Commander. We're in your debt. Once your team repairs that tower, Corinthus will brief me on Lucifer. I'll come up with a plan of attack for the Kingsglaive. The rest will be in your hands."

Stepping off to the side with Shepard, I listened in as she contacted Kaidan, Garrus, and Samara by radio.

"Commander!" yelled Kaidan, gunfire and biotics both blazing in the background. "Thank God you called! We're in trouble!"

"What's going on, Kaidan? General Victus told me you're overwhelmed out there."

"Yeah, Victus sent us out here earlier! We helped bolster a flank that was breaking. Everything was going fine until the enemy sent in reinforcements! They damaged the comm tower and pushed back our line! Samara's holding up our defense with me, Garrus is doing damage, and our allied forces are doing what they can. But it's not looking good, Shepard! I'm worried we won't make it! The only thing saving our hides is that we can see better in the snow than they can!"

"Stay calm. I need to know where you are. Liara and I will head there now."

Garrus chimed in, "Shepard, I've got another idea! Instead of risking your lives out here, it'll be better if you support us from a distance. Your sniping can do some real work on these monsters. There's a perfect vantage point not too far from us! I was going to make my way over. It'll be best if you go instead!"

"All right, Garrus," said Shepard. "Tell us where this vantage point is. Send the coordinates, too."

"It's my apartment, actually. Once you look out the window in my living room, you'll see the comm tower in the distance. And all these Reaper ground forces swarming the area! I'm transferring the keys and coordinates to your omni-tools now. We'll keep holding on until you get there!"

No time to waste—Shepard and I soon left the museum together. After reaching the main barricade, she cloaked us both to invisibility. Holding my hand, guiding us forward, Shepard led us through Cipritine toward Garrus' apartment. We snuck through the snow in a rush. We moved from building to building for cover, avoiding the various skirmishes in our way. The turians and the Alliance worked together to protect the tent city for the hospital. I worried for Dr. Aerie's safety in the middle of all this. I simply had to trust that our allies would keep her and the hospital's patients safe. Kaidan and the others needed us.

Reaching the tall apartment complex, we found the snowy, urban area deserted. Several skycars lay abandoned near the entrance. Anchoring my biotics, I used my force to displace those cars, snow powdering as it dissipated, obscuring our view. We pushed inside the lobby doors as soon as we could.

Garrus' apartment awaited on the topmost floor of the building. All the way up on the 72nd floor.

As we entered the darkened, dilapidated lobby, something didn't feel right.

Derelict and empty, this place should have been completely abandoned. The beginnings of a decaying stench had already set in. The turian military had evacuated large segments of the population to the Citadel. Anyone still on Palaven at this point was either a soldier fighting outside, or a civilian injured in a hospital somewhere. What was this feeling?

Shepard pointed out, "The elevator looks busted. We'll have to take the stairs up to the top floor."

Taking a look, I found that the elevator had indeed crashed down on this floor. I imagined the rush and panic of Garrus' neighbors escaping after the Council's PSA. Exactly like on Earth. Datapads and other errant belongings scattered around the lobby, most of the items trailing from the elevator's broken doors. A separate trail of sentimentality led to the stairwell. Shepard and I headed there together.

As soon as we entered this echoing silence of the stairwell, that feeling overtook me again.

Shepard stopped in place.

Checking her radar, she picked up on several enemies on the floors above us. Those red dots sprinkled throughout her schematics of the building. Not an overwhelming amount, but enough to pose a threat.

I heard those gnarled, tortured sounds from upstairs. The filtered groans of several cannibals, their cavernous mouths watering for more flesh to devour. Several of them suddenly appeared there on the stairs. Their bloated, bloodied forms hobbled down in a plumped clumsiness, lumbering toward us. They raised their gunarms to shoot in our direction, ready to destroy us in a bullet hell in these close quarters.

"Shepard, take cover!" I ordered, flexing my biotics around me on instinct.

Grunting over her limited defenses, Shepard listened to me, crouching down beneath the staircase.

Needing time to think, I launched a wide stasis field upstairs. I caught every single cannibal in the bubble. Pausing, paling to a murky white, time stopped still for them. I sent a warp strike at them. Shredding the clotted mass of their open mouths and raised gunarms, the detonation exploded. So loud. Rumbling overhead and shaking the entire building, I nearly panicked. The walls trembled from my force; rubble poured down from overhead, much like the beginnings of an earthquake. Yet the cannibals had fallen to fleshy pieces on the stairs. I had gotten rid of them, but at a cost. I could not use my full strength in this apartment complex, its foundations weakened by the Reaper attack. If I did that again…

"Liara, on your six!"

I whipped around on Shepard's warning—about-face.

Through the doorway, I saw them at the last second.

Multiple eyes glowing an unsettling white-blue. Gleaming right at me. Laser-focused with intent to kill.

A group of marauders had stormed through the lobby. I must have alerted them after moving those skycars outside. Those distorted, Reaperized turians headed for me in their view. Their powerful assault rifles tore through my kinetic barriers with such precision. They could have seriously harmed me—if Shepard hadn't reacted in time. As soon as the marauders stepped into her view, she rushed to my side. Open wounds over my shoulders; violet blood spattering against the black of her N7 armor. She drew her pistol and shot at the marauders. Aiming true, Shepard decapitated them, ending their gunfire.

More sounds of more approaching marauders hailed from outside the building.

Shepard wrapped her arm around my waist, cloaking us again. I feared she would have us go up these stairs, forced to contend with the enemies crowding the halls immediately above us. Instead, she used her momentum to rush us back out to the lobby. She dashed with me inside the broken elevator. Out of service, we could not use the elevator to get upstairs, to escape the crowded mass in the lobby. Knowing better, Shepard opened the emergency hatch leading upward. The ladder there had remained in-tact. Shepard gazed at me in worry from behind her helmet. I winced in pain before nodding to her. I could at least climb up to get away from the Reapers on these first few floors. I really had no choice.

The commander had me go up first. Gingerly I grabbed hold of the ladder, pulling myself up. I fought through this pain in my shoulders. Those assault rifles had ripped my flesh open. Climbing and climbing with Shepard right behind me, I willed myself to go on. Even as my own blood had started dripping down the back of my lab coat. My wounds began burning from this open air exposure. And from this constant exertion. But I wouldn't let the Reapers find us on account of my own weakness. I had to keep going. Shepard offered for us to stop on the first safe floor—the sixth floor. I moved up one more for good measure. Onto the seventh floor and through the open elevator doors. I climbed out to the hall.

No more sounds of the Reapers around us.

Only those faraway echoes of the larger ships blaring in the distance, burning Palaven to the ground.

Checking the nearest window, we barely saw the top of the comm tower out there.

This vantage point wouldn't work. Shepard needed to get up to Garrus' apartment for the best view.

As I sat down on this floor of the hallway, Shepard returned to my side. She knelt with me, applying the medi-gel from her omni-tool. She applied enough to my wounds. The burning stopped. The gashes began to close. But I would need more concentrated applications if I wanted to keep fighting today.

Shepard asked me, "Does it still hurt or anything?"

"The burning's stopped, but it is still sore. I am not sure if I should keep climbing the ladder. Taking the stairs would be best. I worry the Reapers might hear us in the stairwell. Maybe I should wait here."

"No, you're coming with me," she insisted. "Garrus should have a first aid station in his place. Let's get you up there."

I was about to ask how, until she simply showed me instead.

Shepard again secured her arm around my waist. Carrying me at her side, she maneuvered herself back onto the ladder. Up she climbed to the top floor. Without complaining, without stopping. Trying to be helpful, I at least held on to the railing on my side. This gave her a bit more leverage to climb upward with only one hand. We continued at this pace in silence. Silence aside from Shepard's breathing, laboring more and more the higher we went. Higher still, the crashed elevator had long since escaped my view down there, obscuring fully into darkness. Only the ladder existed in this metallic infinity.

As Shepard carried me away from that sight, I couldn't help remembering the past. That elevator on Noveria—at the Peak 15 facility my mother had traveled to with her commandos, while housing that rachni queen. Shepard had led Tali, Ashley, and myself through the facility, infiltrating alongside her. I remembered feeling completely out of my element, inelegantly traveling through tunnels and side paths. Shepard had no doubt felt more at home with these things. We had arrived to an elevator at some point after escaping the asari commandos seemingly possessed by the rachni queen. When the elevator had stopped functioning, we'd had to flee, just as we did now in Garrus' apartment building. Except Ashley was deathly afraid of heights, and she had not thought to warn any of us beforehand. She could not move, frozen still in her fear. I'd had to watch as Shepard took Ashley into her arms, making that leap of faith with her all the way to the bottom—while the elevator crashed down from above their heads. Shepard's Icarus Landing System had saved them both from plummeting to their deaths. Then her skillful maneuvering into a vent protected them from the elevator's destruction at the bottom.

How strange that Shepard and I now found ourselves in the reverse scenario.

The elevator had already crashed beneath us.

Shepard carried me up and away from that sight instead of a freefall.

I would have enjoyed this symbolism much more—if I hadn't felt Shepard's private toiling. Emotionally.

More than her physical toiling in bringing me up this ladder. More than the pressures of needing to reach the vantage point soon, to help our teammates. Shepard seemed to blame herself for my injuries. Except she could not have reacted any faster than she had. Not after I had told her to get into cover.

Reaching the 72nd floor at last, we found the elevator doors wide open. Shepard and I worked together to get ourselves over to the landing. Mostly silence, desolation in this hallway. A few apartment doors stayed open, allowing us to peek through to the final moments of those families, of their panicked escapes from their homes. Valuables unguarded; entire lives uprooted. No doubt a looter's paradise at some point later on.

Walking together, we followed the apartment numbers around the corner to 7205.

The door to Garrus' apartment opened in response to the digital keys we'd received. Hollowed out and damaged like the rest of the building, my friend's home appeared as in-tact as it could have been. I was not surprised to find that Garrus had something of a bachelor pad. Scarce amounts of furniture. Expensive electronics everywhere. Several assault and sniper rifles on display along the walls, some having fallen to the floor.

Garrus at least had a first aid station on the wall in his kitchen.

I did not go to the station just yet. Shepard spotted the comm tower outside the window in Garrus' living room. Even from here we could see the spill of Reaper forces swarming the area out there. Off in another direction, we saw the Kingsglaive. Lucifer continued to loom there next to the building, continually protected by its loyal forces on the ground. Our allied soldiers had turned the tides, steadily outnumbering the Reapers in their way. Except the very center of the hotel had begun smoking in flames. I worried how this might affect our approach later on. I envisioned Shepard reaching Lucifer's backdoor from the roof of the building. But not with the hotel on fire.

After removing her helmet for better visibility, Shepard retrieved her Black Widow from over her back. She used her scope to spot precisely where the Reapers had pinned down our teammates. Before she took her first shot, Shepard looked to me. She needed me with her. I gave her a look, conveying that I didn't want to use any additional first aid right now. Not until I knew our companions were safe again.

"I'll stay here, Shepard," I said, sitting down behind her. "Do what you do best. I will watch your back."

Shepard nodded to me.

Handling her sniper rifle again, she fired at will. One shot, two shots, three shots before needing to reload. Deadly-accurate. A ridiculous amount of kickback, even for me with my back pressed against hers. I pressed my hands to the floor just to steady myself. The whole time I kept my eyes glued to the front door. I wouldn't allow the enemy to ambush us again. I severely doubted they could make it all the way up here. But I preferred to be safe instead of sorry in this case. The only time I moved was when Shepard needed ammo. I went to retrieve some spare thermal clips from Garrus' plentiful stock in a corner. Shepard burned through her shots, burning through the enemy. They didn't stand a chance.

"Nice shooting, Commander!" praised Garrus. "We're already breaking through! The tides are turning in our favor!"

"No kidding!" agreed Kaidan. "Think we've got it from here, Shepard. The enemy's falling back!"

I asked, "Will you be able to repair the comm tower now?"

Samara replied, "Yes, quite soon. Your assistance has been invaluable. I feared the Reapers would overwhelm us. Had we been on our own for a few moments longer, we may not have survived."

"Good to know," said Shepard. "I'll radio Victus and update him on your status. Get back to the museum once you're in the clear."

"As you wish, Commander. Thank you."

After ending our call with the team, Shepard contacted Victus as promised.

"Commander Shepard—I've heard the news," relayed Victus. "Our allied forces are already celebrating victory with your teammates. I can't thank you enough for your help. At this point I'm just waiting for the comm tower to come back online. Once it's operational again, I'll get in touch with General Corinthus."

"Copy that. There's one other thing, though. The Kingsglaive looks like it's about to catch fire."

"Yes, that is unfortunate… I had hoped to use the hotel to get you up to the devil ship. I'm sending firefighters over ASAP, but we may need a change of plans. It'll depend on the intel Corinthus gives me. For the time being, there's no rush for you and Dr. T'Soni to return to the museum. I'm sure you're exhausted by now. Please stay put and regain your energy. I'll call you back once we're ready for you."

"We'll wait to hear from you, then. Shepard out."

Silence once more.

Taking a breath after her sniping, I felt Shepard's weariness. Even her emotional exhaustion. This must have been a long few days for her. No sleep. Constantly focusing on the war, on the enemy's whereabouts. Brooding intensely over the imminent end of her relationship. Perhaps also brooding over stumbling into sex with me back on the Normandy—something neither of us believed she would ever, ever do. And now she dealt with her guilt over my healing injuries. She truly needed a break for a while.

"Commander, I will tend to my wounds. We applied enough medi-gel in time earlier. I'm sure I will be fine once we take this time to catch our breath. Do you need a moment? I can leave to the other room."

"Yeah… Just a few minutes."

We still needed to have our conversation as well. The one Shepard had promised we would have.

With the assault on Lucifer fast approaching, I hoped to take advantage of our short-lived privacy.

Maybe after these few minutes to ourselves.

Giving Shepard one last smile, encouraging, I went to the kitchen. I retrieved these medical supplies from the first aid station. Then I brought them with me into Garrus' bedroom—the sole space branching off from the living room. As I went, I remained acutely aware of Shepard's state. She did her very best to hide it. But I couldn't deny how frazzled she seemed. She could not keep up this façade around me for much longer.

Dim lighting in this bathroom: I stared at myself in this shadowed mirror. These past days, this war should have affected me differently. Yet I found my skin with an odd glow in the darkness of this unknown. Garrus' bedroom remained adjacent to me. I had kept the doors to both rooms open, listening to Shepard's silence in the living room. Listening and listening as I cleaned myself up. I had applied more medi-gel to my shoulders, stopping this soreness. I had used the hard, scattered tap water sputtering from the sink's spout to clean this blood from my clothes. After shutting the water back off, I again only heard that silence. The sounds of Shepard's occasional sighs reached me as reassurance.

Simple reassurance that she was still there. That the enemy hadn't snuck into the apartment somehow.

Finishing with my wounds and cleaning, I stepped back out to Garrus' darkened bedroom. As scarce as his kitchen and living room, my friend had only the barest of necessities in here. A full-sized bed by the wall. A small desk with his datapads lying about in no particular order. More guns. A larger vid screen than the one in the living room. A holo-closet glowing as orange in the dark, flickering on occasion.

That light guided me over to the desk.

Those datapads caught my attention. Unencrypted. On the topmost one, I saw those familiar names written there. Tali and Shepard. A separate one with my name and Shepard's. Garrus had jotted them down numerous times. I hesitated to pry any further. I did not want to invade his privacy or betray his trust. Deciding not to take the risk, I set the datapads aside, turning them face-down for good measure.

Shepard soon found me in this quieted dark. She reached my side in a supportive silence. Already she had picked up this shift in my energies. Studying me for a moment, Shepard ran her gloved hand through her hair as a nervous tic. She didn't know what to say at first.

"Thanks again," she settled on saying. "For the Black Widow you and Tali got for me. It made quick work of those ground forces out there. Much quicker than my regular Widow could've pulled off. I'll still keep both around to use differently. Depending on the situation. I appreciate having the option to choose."

I smiled a bit, thinking the same. "Yes, that is what we had in mind for you. I'm glad you like it."

Glancing at those datapads on the desk, she asked, "What were you trying not to look at?"

"Something I wasn't supposed to see," I replied, stepping away from them. "Please don't tell Garrus."

"I wasn't planning on it." Then Shepard remembered: "On my birthday, you sent me something else. A separate email. One you ended up deleting before I could read it myself. Why did you do that? Why'd you replace it with a generic message instead? What did you originally send me that day?"

"It was…a love letter. In the form of an email. I didn't think it was appropriate to send. Not at that time. My feelings had gotten the better of me the night before this. Everything you experienced of me in my room the other day—that was essentially what I'd written about. I wasn't sure if it would be enough. Enough to sway you to return to me. And if it wasn't, I couldn't deal with the pain of knowing for certain. Knowing for a fact that it was not enough. With all of that in mind, it seemed better to take it back."

Shepard understood.

She also noticed, "There's something else on your mind."

"As always," I admitted. "Our minds seem to be in separate places. I am hyper-focused on one thing. Your concerns are reasonably elsewhere."

"Liara, please just be honest. Let's talk. After your session with Dr. Aerie, you said there was something you needed to share. I'm listening. We have time now."

Time had again stopped for us, stopping for this.

"Shepard, if you choose to leave her over this…do not ask me to be with you right away. You and I will both need time. Time to adjust. Time to heal and move on from the past, both near and far. The last thing I want is for us to lose one another again. I am not sure how we might recover if that happened. So if you do decide you'd like us to start over, it can't be soon. I don't know when exactly, but it cannot be immediately. Please wait to ask me—until you are absolutely ready."

Gentle, sincere: "Ready for what, exactly?"

"Ready for me to rely on you again. Or really for the first time. I already know which lines to never cross with you. But I need to know you won't leave the moment we start having relationship troubles. I need to know that you will always put me first, no matter what. I need you to prove to me that you are serious about this. Is that fair?"

She nodded with her agreement. Her assessment that my boundaries and expectations were in fact fair.

I then watched Shepard lower her guard. She had been holding this in over the past few days.

Holding it close, holding it tight. Nearly fit to burst from her heart.

"Shepard, it is your turn to be honest now. What are you thinking about? Please, tell me."

She stared down at the floor. Unable and unwilling to look at me.

I could never have prepared for what she confessed: "I get everything you're saying, Liara. I hear you. This is all a lot of effort on your part. A lot to deal with. A lot of time and energy you're willing to put into me. You have such endless love and patience in your soul. I just…don't feel like I'm worth it anymore."

Tears stung at my eyes. "Why…?"

Shepard agonized, "I did the one thing I never believed I would do. I cheated. Maybe I'm embarrassed."

I repeated to her, "No one else has to know. We promised. We promised."

"That's not the point…"

"Then what is?"

"You pulled that out of me. I thought I had this under control. My feelings for you. Everything. Turns out I was wrong. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Because guess what? Even if we do get back together, you're always going to wonder if I'll cheat on you with someone else. I don't want that hanging over me. This would make everything worse—if you start mistrusting me for perfectly valid reasons."

Stunned, panicked.

I didn't know what to say. What to do. How else to react.

I felt our one chance at forever slipping away—all because I hadn't prepared for this.

"Then what do you want, Shepard?" I asked, barely hearing my own voice. "What is the solution?"

"I should go off on my own," she said, shattering me. "I'll finish the mission by myself. Leave the Normandy to you. With Aria gone, you'll be the captain. Stay with Hackett and the Fifth Fleet if you feel like it. But I'm completely checked out by this point. After everything, I'm done. I'm really done."

Mocking me now, I remembered my acceptance before. I had accepted this possibility. That Shepard would wish to leave. Except now, facing the real possibility…I couldn't accept this. I just couldn't. Because I knew. I knew her. This wasn't a sound decision Shepard had reached after logical deliberations. This was her trying to run away. Running away from the problem as her one solution.

"Shepard, please don't do this. Please don't go. The team will be devastated!"

"That's not enough," said Shepard. "That isn't enough. They're the last ones I'm thinking of right now."

The painful roots of Shepard's problem:

Shame. Embarrassment. Humiliation.

I needed to bear this burden with her. I needed to bear this cross for her, before her. Anything less, and Shepard would not listen to me. Anything less and I risked losing her to time, to this war, to far more.

Heartache guiding me, I lowered myself. I lowered myself before her. Down on my knees, staying here.

"Liara…"

Her breaths quickened in emotion. The prelude of my gesture.

"I understand," I murmured underneath her. Underneath her gaze. Underneath this long, long shadow she had cast over me. "You are imperfect, Shepard. You cannot stand being anything less than ideal. It is in moments like these where you are a person. You are still human, no matter where you belong. You are still you."

"No, I am not," swore Shepard. "I ignored my own instincts for weeks, knowing Aria kept something from me. I set it aside for our relationship, thinking that's just what I was supposed to do for my girlfriend. I shouldn't have compromised on that. I should have listened to the feeling nagging at me in the back of my head. I should have confronted her. I should have pressed her when she told me not to worry about it. Now we're all in this mess because I stayed quiet, giving her the benefit of the doubt when I shouldn't have."

Holding strong, I challenged her, "Then tell me more, Shepard. What are you most upset over?"

"The expectation that I'm supposed to play nice. That I'm supposed to calmly sit down with the person who lied to me, who crossed me behind my back, and work things out. It's about the promise she broke. The promise that she wouldn't continue this cycle."

"If this were a less offensive offense, then you would be willing to listen. You would be willing to forgive her, to reach an understanding. You are past that point."

"Yes. Doesn't matter if she did all of this for a good reason. Lying to me about it is the hard limit. This one thing cuts me off from forgiving, working things out. Then I went and gave into my worst instincts with you. None of this is right. I betrayed my own morals. It's why I need to leave."

Still so emotional, blinking back these tears welling over my sight.

This strength of Shepard's armored stance had blurred for me. Blurring in the dark of this room.

"That isn't the solution, Shepard. It isn't…"

Beyond angry, she somehow did not yell at me. Only emphasizing—"Then what is?"

If she did leave, I couldn't accept it. I couldn't let her run away from me in her irrationalities.

Shepard stayed quiet, then. She seemed to realize something. Maybe how I felt. Maybe more than that.

She knelt down in front of me. She lowered herself to this floor of Garrus' bedroom. Leveling herself with me, evening things back out: Shepard held me. She held me as my body had started trembling. Trembling from this strongest, internal earthquake of mine, stronger than the one I had nearly caused downstairs with my biotics.

"Liara, this is another reason why. Why I feel this way. I'm not worth it. I hate doing this, babe."

Somehow, I saw a way out. I saw the light.

My voice trembled with me, but not in uncertainty—"You keep saying that. That you are not worth it. But am I not worth trying for, Shepard? Don't I matter to you at all? I know we are the same. Terrible people in a terrible situation. Maybe Ashley was right and we are all irredeemable. I am willing to accept that. But I won't allow those ugly truths to hold me back. I won't let them stop me from believing we can both be better. If you also accept this for what it is, then speak plainly. Am I not worth it to you?"

A stunned silence of her own.

"Or is this only about you? You are acting as if my feelings don't matter. I know how uncompromising you are. I know how convinced you are that you are right. And still I would do anything for you. We can strive to do better by one another, knowing that we've made these awful mistakes. We can forgive ourselves today and improve tomorrow. So if that isn't enough—if it's not worth trying for—then prove it. Walk away. Abandon me. Leave this apartment and run off on your own. Right now. I dare you."

Shepard did not even consider getting up to walk away. She barely even moved as she breathed.

She just stared at me. Disbelieving. All while a potent heat had built in her face.

Something else seemed to temper her as well. Something I could only guess at from the time we'd spent together in my room. This something managed to calm me.

Lowering her head in a deeper shame, she said, "I'm sorry. I don't like that I'm apologizing to you again. Only a few days later. I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want anyone to see me like this."

Taking care of her, I brought Shepard's face closer to mine. I needed her to look into my eyes, and she did. I wanted her to see what I saw in her. The good and the bad in her were all true at the same time.

I expressed to her, "We need your leadership, Shepard. I need you. It is selfish of me to ask you to stay like this. For these specific reasons. The team feels the same as I do. We need you close in the distance. I need you closer than close. Please reconsider your fears and frustrations. I wish you would talk to me about them. Share them with me honestly instead of bottling things up. I am not your enemy."

"…I don't want to burden you with my bullshit."

"Well, just the other day," I mentioned, "You brought me to see the doctor. I worried about the same. About being a burden. Most especially to you. In your eyes, it was not a burden at all. Is this not the same? Only this time, it is reversed. You are the one in the uncomfortable position of being vulnerable in front of me. As if this would somehow lessen my opinion of you. I promise you nothing's changed."

Somewhere, Shepard agreed with me. She knew I was right about this. Even if she wouldn't admit it.

I went on, "Even if it is a burden, it is yours to carry with me. Just as mine are for you. I want us to work together on this. I spent years suffering under my own burdens alone. I feel better these days because of you. Because you helped me take this weight from my shoulders. Now I'm here to do the same for you. Unless…you decide your pride is more important. More important than our potential for one another, what we could have. And all that we stand to learn and share in the far future."

I felt her heart returning to me.

At last I had gotten through to her.

We only needed a bit more.

Shepard decided to ask me, "What do you think I'm most afraid of, then? Why did I blow up the way I did? I guess I was trying to cover something up—without realizing it. What is my worst fear? I don't know anymore. I don't think I ever knew at all."

Easy.

The simplest answer:

"You are most afraid of feeling incompetent. Just as you despise suffering incompetence from others."

My response shook Shepard to her core.

She believed my words. She could not believe how easily I had given my answer. But she believed me.

"You are sometimes cruel enough to view someone who is emotional as someone who is incompetent. Your machine-like adherence to facts and reason is an intimidating standard to live up to at times. Yet I have kept trying over the years. Sometimes failing miserably…only to fall out of your favor and suffer your ire. Do you understand now why I spent so long avoiding an emotional outburst in front of you? Even to the point of appearing fake or two-faced in my need to smile at you instead of complaining."

Again she believed me.

"I am here, Shepard. We both need to meet in the middle somehow."

"But why…? Why do you still want to be with me? Why aren't you judging me; telling me how fucked up I am? Why aren't you scorning me like anyone else would? Why?"

"Because I love you. What other reasons do I need?"

This artless answer from me broke her façade.

Shepard hid herself in my hold. She let me adjust us, resting my back against this bed we could not lie upon together. She buried her face against my shoulder, now mostly healed—healed more by this mix of her anger and shame and joyful confusion. Maybe she couldn't see what I meant. That she did deserve happiness, and she did deserve to be loved. I could never imagine giving her anything less. Even when we did argue, I had no desire to punish her or ostracize her. I empathized with her struggles instead. I admired Shepard's strength for rising above them. As much as she possibly could. I needed her to know:

"It is a matter patience. I hope you will be patient with me. And with yourself as well. I know you are uncomfortable with where we stand. You are used to being in the right. This is messy and complicated. I will always love you whether you are in the right or in the wrong. I will forever be here for you, regardless of your missteps or mistakes. So long as we respect one another's needs and boundaries, I believe we will be just fine. You are worth any struggle. I want to be the same for you. So please…stay with me, with the team. Let us work things out in time once you are ready. For now, that is all I ask."

Shepard nodded against me in acceptance, in relief.

She stayed in my arms, stabilizing. All with the expectation that this would take time. She still kept me close to her in the here and now. Here in the middle of this apartment, this broken home that belonged to neither of us. Here upon the floor of this room where Garrus had spent most of his time on Palaven. We owed it to him to save his homeworld. We had promised the turians that we would end the worst of their suffering. Shepard and I couldn't have done more for them without this. She gave me her affections as this harmony in my spirit, resonating so deeply. My resonance mended her all the same.

Shepard wouldn't pull away from me—not even once General Victus contacted us.

She kept me in her arms while answering his call, having recovered by now.

"Commander Shepard, come in. Are you and Dr. T'Soni still out there?"

"We're here, General. What's the situation?"

"I have your other teammates with me. Alenko, Vakarian, and Justicar Samara. We're currently bracing for heavy attack by Reaper forces. Lucifer knows we've pushed back against its troops near the Kingsglaive. The Reapers are close to retaliating against us. They're headed toward the museum."

"Do you need us over there?" offered Shepard, pushing back her panic. "We can always…"

"Negative, Commander. You and I both understand what this means. I've already asked your people to evacuate. Your shuttle pilot is on his way. There's still time for your team to retreat. Yet not for us."

Shepard and I scrambled to the nearest window.

Our view of the museum—already we spotted several giant Reaper ships aiming for the building.

Then we heard Kaidan's weary voice, "Shepard, Liara. Don't worry about us. Cortez just landed nearby. Feel like shit for abandoning the turians… They won't let us stay and fight. What are your orders?"

Shepard said, "I need to know your status. Are you and the others still tired from the comm tower?"

"I hate admitting it, but we're all pretty beaten down… Even Samara's really worn out. It's bad."

"Then go ahead and evacuate, Kaidan. Take Garrus and Samara with you. Get back to the Normandy and see Dr. Chakwas in the med bay. Liara and I will take care of the mission."

"Aye, aye, Commander. We're boarding now. Make sure you take out Lucifer for us. It needs to pay."

Shepard knew we had only one option now. "General. You said you'd have a plan for our approach."

"I have the plan now," said Victus, eerily calm. "You won't like it. But it's all we have left." He forwarded the coordinates for the Kingsglaive to us. "As you know, the hotel is in bad shape. By the time you arrive, the building will be up in flames. Your orders from me are to get up to the roof, Commander. Our firefighters are containing the spread as best they can. They're buying time for you. There will be a team waiting outside with their aircraft to quickly sneak you up to the roof. Their vehicle is small enough to escape Lucifer's notice while hiding behind the Kingsglaive. From there, with the right timing, you can jump across to Lucifer's back entrance. After you disable that ship, use your escape method I read about in my reports. Your Icarus Landing System. Despite the long drop, I'm assuming you'll land safely back on the ground on your own."

"Of course," confirmed Shepard. "Will there be anyone around to take down the Reaper afterward?"

"Our allied fleets are on standby, waiting for Lucifer to visibly power down. Once it does, they'll launch an all-out assault. I'm having them wait for you instead of assisting us at the museum. They would only end up dying if they helped us instead. With the Reapers locked on us, this gives our fleets an opening to safely take down Lucifer. This is the calculation I've made. I won't change my mind. I'm trusting in you."

When Shepard couldn't respond, I spoke for her, "Thank you for believing in us, General Victus. We will hurry to the Kingsglaive now. If there is any way for you to survive out there, please find it."

"We know that won't happen, Dr. T'Soni. Though I appreciate your gentle optimism. I'm ready and willing to die with my men. Your leader would do the same for you. I wish you the best of luck together."

Leaving no room for us to talk him off this ledge, General Victus ended the call.

Checking her radar, Shepard found no remaining enemies in the building. We could escape without delay.

Shepard grabbed my hand. Together we ran back outside to the hallway. Garrus' apartment door locked behind us, sealing our memories within. These memories stayed with Shepard and me as we made this speed run through the building. Sliding down the ladder of the elevator shaft—stopping on occasion only to avoid burning our hands of this method. Then Shepard cloaked us anew, and we dashed outside to the snow. Outside to the Kingsglaive standing tall just blocks away, smoke and flames overwhelming.

'My dear, sweet Liara. How the heavens have rearranged themselves before your might. Your might of spirit, of devotion, of patience. Your might of existing in the darkness and the light, branded and scarred by the tyrant you so adore. Yet you must no longer have any notion of where your strength will lead you. You suffer a heavy burden of atonement on your shoulders, which you shall bear for all eternity. But fear not, for only by receiving this curse can you truly walk the path of conquest. No longer meekly sitting still, powerless as the love of your life passes you by. You, too, have transcended in walking this path. This path of preserving the galaxy—while remaining hand-in-hand with the one who also wishes to destroy. I must know the extent of the power you now hold within. I must learn if you will prevent your tyrant from erasing us all. Our lives. Our souls. Our very existence. Our ripples across worlds. Our memories of you.'

Sprinting through the snow together, hand-in-hand—Shepard kept me with her. She knew my limits. She pushed me, but did not run too quickly to make me fall behind. I matched her tailored strides, her spikes of speed adjusted for me. High above us in the clouded skies, several Reaper ships crossed upward, leaving Palaven's surface. Lucifer did not number among that legion. Its towering form continued to hulk around just beside the hotel. Yet the devil ship had commanded its followers to leave for some reason.

Several other ships kept their trajectory toward the museum. They would soon swarm General Victus and his troops, vastly outnumbering them. He had already decided he would die for the cause. Yet I still wanted to believe we could save him.

We neared the site of the Battle of the Kingsglaive, fresh snow having coated over the blood of the fallen. So many fallen that had sacrificed themselves to clear this area of Reaper ground forces. As Shepard uncloaked us, we caught our breaths around the corner of a charred building. Lucifer remained right around this corner, alone and undefended; too prideful to move from its claimed territory. The firefighters Victus had spoken of—they assembled behind the Kingsglaive, sneaking inside with their equipment to control the flames. They prepared a vehicle to get Shepard safely up to the roof soon.

In the meantime, Shepard contacted Admiral Hackett.

"Shepard, I just received word! Are you and Dr. T'Soni over by the Kingsglaive?"

"That's right, Admiral," she replied, keeping an eye on Lucifer and the firefighters. "I'm waiting for the go ahead to get up to the roof. The firefighters will take me up in one of their aircrafts." Overhead, a few turian ships flew by, aiming to distract the devil ship. "I think the turians are sending in decoys. Lucifer will focus on them instead of spotting me with the firefighters."

"Of course. I trust you'll get the job done. Did the general say he was going to retreat?"

"No… He plans on staying at the museum with his people."

"Victus is playing the martyr, Commander! We can't let him go down with the ship like this! The general is Palaven's best asset. They need him to get the turians back on track once you take out that devil ship! Without him, their resistance in thinning out the remaining Reaper forces will take too long. If that happens, then we risk losing Palaven's support for Earth."

"We're on the same page. Is there any way we can help? Victus seemed oddly resigned about this."

"I'm pulling out all the stops. I've sent Mikhailovich's ships to extract the general. Doesn't matter if we have to pull Victus out of there kicking and screaming. I'm not letting him die this senseless death."

"Good call, Admiral. Let's hope they get Victus out in time." Gesturing over this way, the firefighters hailed Shepard over, prepared to take her to the roof now. "I'd better get going. My aircraft's ready."

"Understood, Commander. Good luck to you and Godspeed."

"Thank you, Sir."

As Lucifer busied itself with shooting down those decoy ships, Shepard looked to me.

She extended our limited time for a bit longer—"Will you be all right on your own?"

"Yes, of course. The soldiers who fought and died here did a remarkable job of clearing the area. Their sacrifices gave us this chance to succeed. I will remain on standby in case you need me for anything."

"Okay." Without needing me to ask, Shepard linked her optical camera to my omni-tool. "Be safe, Liara."

"Please…come back to me."

"I will," she vowed.

Gripping my hand one last time, Shepard soon took off. Her armored hand slipped from my grip, leaving me with only the memory of her touch. Crossing this street packed with snow, Shepard ran across to the firefighters beside the Kingsglaive. Crossing the Rubicon, she hurried through the open path in Lucifer's blind spot, the devil ship still busy toying with those brave decoys in the sky. She stayed in my sight, huddling with the firefighters as they ushered her aboard their aircraft. Thankfully, the turians kept the vehicle's hatch open, allowing me to keep an eye on Shepard aboard.

Quietly they ascended the silver heights of the hotel.

Quickly they brought Shepard up alongside the building, powerful rushes of water ejecting from the flaming windows. Just by those curling flames, I watched Shepard watching me from this growing distance. Higher and higher she ascended aboard the aircraft, her N7 figure standing firm between the firefighters, each moving and kneeling and looking out for approaching threats. From her optical camera's feed on my omni-tool, Shepard kept her sights mostly locked to me. My figure in the middle of this snow, staring up at her; growing smaller and farther by the second from her perspective. She would glance above her head to check the remaining distance to the roof. Or she would scan around my perimeter to check for any enemies flanking my position.

Once she reached the roof, Shepard jumped atop the surface. The flames of the burning hotel had yet to blaze up that far. She had time.

Except Lucifer had moved to an undesirable position, still shooting at those other turian ships in the sky.

Shepard couldn't make the jump from there.

"Liara, looks like there's a problem," she told me via radio, quelling her anxieties. "I don't want the firefighters to take me any closer. If they alert Lucifer, it'll turn around and kill us all."

"I know, Commander," I replied, turning the corner to Lucifer's location. "Leave this to me."

"What are you doing…?"

"I am doing what you need of me."

Shepard could not tell me to stop. She watched my approach from the roof. She watched me cross these icy winds, pushing forward through the snow. Out to this open field where Lucifer had clawed itself in, digging in its heels. The impossible height of another skyscraper stood before me in this Reaper form, dwarfing me a thousand times over. Still I gathered this courage in my hand, glowing a biotic blue. I hurled this single throw at Lucifer. Like throwing the most valuable part of me into the void, and having the void merely turn back and stare. Ignoring those decoys out there, Lucifer turned to me, quaking the ground I stood upon. My attack had done nothing to pierce those powerful shields around its form. Only enough to turn and look down upon me, as if affronted by my gall, my nerve, and my impudence before its might.

The root of all evil stared me down.

An absolute lack of empathy: devaluing all life in the galaxy into mere crops for the Reapers' harvest.

Loud, intimidating sounds blaring as pure noise, Lucifer stood in the correct position. The necessary position. The ideal position as Shepard successfully made the jump to the ship's backdoor. From the corner of my eye, I saw the footage on my omni-tool. Shepard pressed ahead with ease, passing by the many geth-like tubes within. Not once did she pause in pain, in uncertainty. Lucifer's indoctrination failed to reach her at all. As Shepard hurried through the maze of Lucifer's insides, I remained here.

The innocence of these snowflakes coated my face, barely concealing my deeply-held fears. Fears over this impossible stance—facing the definition of power, mountainous before my diminutive size. Together we stood within the ninth and lowest circle of hell, frozen over. Locked away in Kokytos; facing one another. All while several camera drones flew overhead, capturing this live footage. Broadcasting every second, every moment to the entire galaxy.

A proud, regal, and genderless voice assailed my head—feverish—as if I had started hallucinating:

"So, you have come thus far… Little Liara and her tyrannous sun approach me for a fight. The light of hope you have held on to for your commander, for what you share—will it shine without wavering, even before me? I admire your spirit, young asari. But is it not reasonable that hope be tested and shattered if found wanting? Try and keep your hope alive without yielding to my might!"

Lifting up into the air, Lucifer leaned back.

It leaned back, the core of its firing chamber beneath those claws glowing and heating. Red bolts of energy sparked and rounded as gathered lightning. A gathering storm—the skies and clouds high above bled a deep crimson, the snow still falling as whitened purity, and the winds still blowing as an icy chill.

Suddenly thrown off-balance from within the labyrinthine darkness, Shepard stumbled against the nearest wall. She knew what this meant, yet she kept pushing onward. Faster she ran. As if she could reach her destination any quicker; as if to save me from this madness. Yet not even Shepard could outrun what awaited me. She couldn't save me from this fight. I had to survive on my own. At least until she disabled the ship's mass effect core. For now, I simply basked in this shared warmth she gave me.

I extended my arms out before me, burning alive with our hopes together. Out hopes to be better than our mistakes from yesterday. Our hopes to rise above today. Our hopes to be so much more with one another tomorrow, and every day after that, day by day for all eternity.

Standing my ground, digging my own heels in—I erected this biotic field, this barrier around me.

With all my might.

Lucifer's might matched my own, crashing the force of its laser against my biotic barrier. The recoil! Shattered steel clawing against the matter of my mind, tearing at it, beating at my brain—and I SCREAMED. Twisted metal of my senses distorting; the sights around me fogging to static, black and white lines zigzagging as an interrupted signal, of my eyes failing even to connect to my surroundings anymore. Icy gales blowing past me in reverse, playing out as flipped and rewound, terrors of sound as noise haunting my head; reversed and rewound so strongly, the chilly winds felt as heatwaves, growing of my love. Somewhere far away, I might have heard Shepard's voice. Her imperiled voice, begging Admiral Hackett to send more backup my way. Anything to distract Lucifer from firing at me like this again—too many times, too much destruction. Yet her panic for me sounded only as that same coiled iron, tangling and tangling as unintelligible. Just as unintelligible as the raw power colliding against me.

This sphere around me should have shattered.

This bubble should have burst, obliterating me.

Yet once the dust of the snow cleared, and my senses returned to me…still I remained.

Still standing. Breathing hard. Staring up at the regal power Lucifer radiated in superiority.

Shepard heard my ragged breaths. And I heard her clear bewilderment, so proud of me, "Fucking hell, Liara…"

Seemingly amused in conceit, Lucifer's voice raided my head again—"An organic who survived my power, still standing before me… Impressive. Already I have traversed your mind and found your fearlessness, Liara. Your fearlessness that has brought you to this stage. Your fearlessness that has torn the skies asunder in your image. Anyone who would belittle you for your choices could never understand such strength of will, let alone wield it as you do now. For you chose to break free of the shackles that had bound you for so long. The shackles of law and civility. The shackles of fairness and respect. The shackles of companionship tying you to your enemy in violet. You destroyed your unending path of sorrow and misery, forging a better tomorrow for yourself with your beloved tyrant. You have embraced chaos. For the sake of others, you must balance chaos with order. You must appease others, taming your darkened spirit that yearns for the thrill of life! But not now. Not as you face me. Fight with your desires, base and uncensored for once in your century of living! Seize your dreams and suffer the consequences!"

Rising up anew, Lucifer's firing chamber glowed in that danger once more.

By some miracle, the strongest wintry gusts blew between us. Sheer serendipity cloaked me in this gale of snow and ice. Pure luck had obscured me from Lucifer's precision locks, causing its beam to miss me. So soon after the first had hit, I needed this luck. I needed this moment to to collect myself. Up above, more turian and Alliance ships flew by. More brave souls willed themselves to die for me, just to buy me a few seconds to breathe. Through this whiteout, I kept my eyes to Lucifer's darkened silhouette, unresolved.

When the winds cleared, and Lucifer fired at me again, I found my footing.

I shielded myself—reinforced by my truest inspirations, my deepest-held needs.

High as a satellite in Palaven's orbit, I swallowed this rush, this thrill from holding my own. These chills along my crests pebbling in pleasure. This pleasure from defending myself against power incarnate. This satisfaction of Shepard's speechlessness in my ears, all as she pushed harder to reach her goal. Standing strong on my own two feet. Inspired by the dreams empowering me—my dreams for so much more with the one I loved. How she energized me, chemistry spinning these webs in my core, craving to possess her. Endowed by her endowments, going and going for me as I went and went for her, pushing back against Lucifer's powerful beams threatening to tear me apart. Nothing could ever break me again. Not like the suffering I had suffered for so long—my only suffrage of what I had longed to chase after.

Seizing the day, seizing the moment, even in the midst of these misapprehensions howling at me—

I stood in the middle of this arena and again, held my own. Again and again and again.

All as Shepard finally reached her goal. She had reached those handles up above. She reached and reached, pulling them down from the ceiling above her head. She reached up and tore down the sky of Lucifer's might before me. Mass effect generators failing, shields vanishing. The devil ship slumped down, powerless and wanting. As Lucifer's form weakened, awaiting total defeat, our allied fleets converged across the reddened skies, preparing to fire.

Hackett's congratulations—"Shepard, that's it! Lucifer's down! Now get the hell out of there, Commander! Dr. T'Soni, we'll handle the rest from here! You both fought valiantly. Hats off to you."

Remembering her path through that maze, Shepard quickly found her way back out.

She then jumped clear out from that exit. This leap of faith, so defined: Shepard cascaded from Lucifer's heights, surrounded by the golden halo of her specializations. Her Icarus Landing System cradled her in safety as she descended those great heights. Down to the ground of the snow. Down she went, landing in a slow motion of success, knees bending in a delayed velocity. Then she sprinted over to me. Shepard hurried away from the devil ship. The turian and Alliance ships above readied their guns, their cannons, their end to this devil upon Palaven's soil—unified as a single consciousness, harmonizing their might.

Blasting into pieces, Lucifer fell at last.

Scattered remains of the Reaper ship went flying in every direction—glass breaking, silver cleaving, the Kingsglaive suffered the worst impacts. The enflamed building soon fell as Lucifer did, both symbols falling to the snow far below. Thankfully, Shepard and I had placed enough distance between ourselves and that destruction, merely watching this spectacle of loss.

As the skies whitened back to ice, all of Palaven seemed to ring out together in victory. They still had more to do. They still had to defeat the remaining Reaper forces, greatly weakened by the loss of their commander. Their total victory had grown that much closer.

With this nearer victory, I breathed out a sigh of relief. Shepard did the same at my side. She gave me the proudest smile she could manage, making every last struggle worth the pain.

Admiral Hackett praised us once more, "Great work, you two. This is an incredible triumph for Palaven and the turian people. It'll take time to weed out the rest. The Reapers are still attacking Palaven and the turian colonies out there. They'll have a much easier time getting through this war now. It's all thanks to you."

"Thank you again, Admiral," said Shepard. "Any word about General Victus? Did he make it out alive?"

"I'll let him answer that on his own."

Limping footsteps through the snow—we found the general shuffling toward us. Rife with injuries from his extraction, Victus at least remained standing. Several of his troops and personnel followed after him, looking equally torn and battered. Yet they still smiled, knowing Lucifer no longer ravaged their world.

"Just incredible," commended the general. "Not only did you defy my wishes about the museum. You also completed the mission with flying colors. The Kingsglaive is gone…along with the centuries of history within its walls. But we will rebuild. As soon as we finish taking back our home from this war."

I smiled. "It is good to see you again, General. Thank the goddess you managed to survive after all."

"I'm glad you made it, too," agreed Shepard. "You were pretty stubborn about staying. The Alliance wouldn't accept that. We need you. Your people need you."

Victus settled, "You're both right. I suppose Palaven would have been much worse off had I died back there. I had hoped to leave this world with my honor in-tact. Looks like I won't have to worry about that anymore." The general gazed at Lucifer's remains scattered across the way, burning in smoke and flames. He found his strengthened resolve from that sight. "It's time for us to finish what the Reapers started. I promise to lead the resistance here on Palaven. I also vow that the turians will lend their assistance to Earth once it is time. By then, I'm sure we'll have the soldiers and the ships to send over."

"We appreciate it, Victus. Is there anything else the Alliance can do to speed things along for the resistance?"

"Hmm… It would be helpful to send the krogan our way. The krogan are merciless. Incredibly powerful. I'm all but certain they would help us turn the tides that much sooner. With the politics surrounding the genophage, I'm aware this is a futile request. The krogan have never forgiven us for sterilizing them so long ago. Nor the salarians for their hand in assisting our ancestors with the genophage. Still, Shepard, if there's any way you could make this happen, the turian people will once again be in your debt."

"That does sound complicated. I'll talk to my friend Urdnot Wrex about it. We'll see what we can do."

"Ah, the leader of Clan Urdnot. An invaluable ally on Tuchanka. In that case, you may end up moving mountains for us again. I'll try and remain a bit more hopeful about my request."

This ringing in my ears, the onset of serious exhaustion:

After pushing past my limits against Lucifer, I felt my body about to give out on me. Shepard noticed in time. She held me around my shoulders, calling Cortez right away for extraction back to the Normandy. I knew I would be fine. I would be okay… I simply needed to rest. Recognizing my strength, General Victus shook my hand. I made myself return his grip, not wanting to show weakness at a time like this. He smiled in his gratitude toward me. Then the general shook hands with Shepard, again wishing us the best of luck.

Returning to the Normandy with my commander after these days on Palaven, I couldn't wait to sleep.

Sleep as a long-deserved rest. Convalescence. A mini-paradise following the struggles we'd faced. Deserving or undeserving. Undeserving only if I allowed my shame to get the better of me. Shame over my mistakes, over causing these more difficult struggles Shepard now had to contend with. I believed in her to find the best way forward. She deserved the grace of my compassion, and her own, for herself.

"Never give in to the dissonant chorus of despair. Stand tall with pride, Liara, as the throne for your tyrannous sun. She has risen to the occasion…and torn my might from me. Should she rise to your needs, I wonder…if the cycle will finally change. If organics can at last survive the paradox of their existence. Accepting their darkness with the light. Embracing both the angels and the demons they harbor within, inescapable. Balancing order and chaos as you do…in such harmony of peace. Now and forevermore."