Requiem of the Goddess

by Yoshiyuki Ly

Goddess of mind, goddess of heart - closed-off without consent, She cannot flourish; unlocked to the universe in trust and control, She protects from all outside influences. Only one sits atop the throne of Shepard's subjectivity. Ashley/FemShep, Liara/FemShep. Miranda/FemShep, Aria/FemShep. Power plays, intense loves. Renegon Infiltrator FemShep. Spans the Mass Effect Trilogy.

74. Purgatory

"Ride the Dragon" by FKA twigs

LXXIV. Purgatory

(Liara)

More time.

Waiting for so long.

Waiting for a bit longer.

A little longer, and a little longer.

Just another breath, and a few more seconds passed.

Still docked at the Citadel days later, the Normandy had sublimated my anxieties. This constant fluttering in my chest and in my stomach. Hands shaking. Short of breath at times. Because of this freedom blooming across the hours. So many opportunities. I almost didn't know how to handle this. I knew I had to be patient for Shepard. I couldn't risk falling back into something with her. Not again.

Shepard had taken this time to herself. Visits with Sha'ira. A lot of time alone in her room upstairs.

She would still communicate with me on occasion. I would run into her on my way to the kitchen. Shepard would pause her single-minded search for her own meal, stopping to cook something for me instead. She would speak with me as she cooked, relaxed and confident. I would smile at her the whole time. The whole time as she swept me off my feet without meaning to, without any direct intentions. I would simply feel her easygoing vibe pulling me in. I would easily imagine Shepard pulling me into her arms for more—for so much more—keeping the smile on my face, shaped just so. Other members of the crew would pass by, spotting our energy together. I would try to tone down my reactions in that case. Or if everyone had left to the Citadel, leaving Shepard alone with me in the kitchen, I wouldn't censor myself as much. Shepard would give me those easy, attractive smiles of hers—raised on the right side of her face, whites of her teeth showing, shaped in her calm coolness. Each time, that shape of hers reached down, inside of me. Pressing my legs together had grown into a habit of mine around her.

I knew I should have resisted this more.

I knew I needed to pace myself—because Shepard still needed time.

Although I remained torn on whether or not this time actually helped or harmed her.

I couldn't help wondering how Shepard fared on her own. Alone in her room at this very moment.

With every ounce of time that passed, everything only grew more and more difficult. I wanted nothing more than to fast-forward through these days. These agonizing days of waiting like this. Like this, so much closer to what I wanted. So much closer to what I had selfishly fought for in the past.

Distracting myself with work seemed like the best option for now.

Typing at my computer, I continued with my paper on Shiala's research. I hoped to polish everything for the final draft within the coming days. This goal of mine had kept me from exploring the Citadel as much as I wanted. Wandering around out there simply didn't appeal to me right now. Not while Shepard spent so much of her own time by herself. I didn't want to seem like I'd chosen to abandon her. Being alone in separate places on the ship: this felt like the only solidarity I could offer. For the most part.

Even though Tali and the others had gone off to the Citadel, their attentions remained elsewhere. My omni-tool lit up with several alerts as I worked. The entire team had absorbed themselves in our chat room lately. A few days ago, on a hunch, Tali had looked around for any security breaches. Only to find evidence of Aria and Miranda spying on us at that very moment! Garrus had panicked and kicked them out of our chat room. EDI and Tali worked to prevent any repeats from happening. I thought back to when Garrus had offered for Aria to join our Team Renegade Shepard chat, only for her to decline his offer. We had at last discovered her true reasons why. Thankfully, everyone had been quiet in the chat room for months, even in our private messages, meaning our spies had not stumbled on anything worth mentioning. The scare had been a scare nonetheless. Now everyone couldn't stop talking about it…and something else.

Insomnia had gone through a similar fiasco. My dreams stayed stuck in those same visions of an inky white. I couldn't figure out why. One night, I had managed to see enough through the pale obscurity. The captain had shut everything off—our perception, our cognizance. We continued to work as normal, keeping up our routines as executives. Yet Sol had gotten sick of people meddling in her head. Now no one could see a thing. Aria had left, and no one had taken her place so to speak. I kept my post as Vice President and Head of the Science and Research Division. My permanent position, ineligible for any promotions or demotions as I remained. A blessing in disguise.

Lighting and buzzing with these alerts, my nosey teammates spammed me with private messages.

I had stopped bothering to check them yesterday. I could not respond to any of them, either. Because they each said the same thing, growing progressively more invasive each time the person hit send:

[11:44:44] Kaidan: Liara! I can't take it anymore. The suspense is killing me! Are you and Shepard involved again? Are you getting back together after all this time!? The chemistry between you two has been off the charts lately! More than it usually is! What's going on?!

[11:49:01] Wrex: The Ultimate Legend, Dr. Liara T'Soni. Commander Shepard's one and only through it all. Through hellfire, uncertainty and death. The krogan will sing powerful songs about this someday

[11:52:09] Joker: I am LOSING my shit right now. You had your sexy blue tentacles in Shepard's head since day one! They never left! You never left! There's no way she hasn't loved you this whole time! Aww, that's so sweet… I think I'm gonna go drown myself in my tears from being forever-single. Thanks, Liara!

[11:53:20] Garrus: Hey, Liara. Remember back on Feros? That human colony, Zhu's Hope. By the time we got there, the geth had killed the colony's leader, Fai Dan. One of their hired mercs was left in charge. Arcelia, I think her name was. She was really irritable. We all expected the commander to fire back at her. At the end of Arcelia's rant, Shepard bluntly asked if she was done. Then she threatened to leave.

Arcelia changed her tune pretty quickly after that. We got a calmer explanation about the situation. The colonists also needed help with supplies. Shepard wasn't in the mood to help them. She only cared about the mission, about the geth. That is, until you touched her arm. Recommended that we help the colonists. Then it was Shepard's turn to change her tune. Just like that, she offered to help the colonists. I saw that magic for what it was. Your special magic. I ribbed you over it. You swatted my arm away.

Basically, what I'm saying is… You've worked your magic on her again, didn't you? What a goddess.

[11:57:44] Jack: So is Shepard boning you now or what

[12:00:00] EDI: Liara, I have a question. Some of the crew are surprised by you. They never expected you would sway the commander to rekindle your relationship. I feel I am the only one who anticipated this outcome. Before assigning you as our executive officer, Shepard had given the title to me. Temporarily. I lobbied for you to be our permanent XO in my stead. You belonged in this space by default. I recognized this on an emotional level. She seemed to recognize the same at the time. This leads me to my inquiry.

How have you kept the emotional attention of one so logical? Shepard does not always understand emotions, sometimes to the point of devaluing them. Or is this what organics call 'opposites attract'?

[12:02:20] Legion: Where will your influence lead her, Dr. T'Soni? We sensed Shepard-Commander's recent desire to leave the team. In previous months, we noticed her despondency. Her lethargy. A possible depression. Shepard-Commander is capable of fooling most organics with her sense of duty. She is our leader, and so she must lead. There is always more beneath the surface. A struggle, a pain:

"There's a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part. You can't even passively take part! And you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop! And you've got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it—that unless you're free, the machine will be prevented from working at all!"

This is an excerpt from a speech by Mario Savio, leader of the Free Speech Movement, on December 2nd, 1964 at the University of California, Berkeley. This speech came during a protest against the campus-wide implementation of a ban on free speech. 'The machine' represents organic society. Continuing in an intolerable direction becomes odious. Making the machine stop is the equivalent of changing organic society. Or changing the problem before you. Accepting the intolerance will only lead to grave sickness.

We hypothesize Shepard-Commander underwent a similar illness. Though not against free speech or society itself. The path she was on had grown undesirable. She was forced to change her path for her own betterment. We believe you strongly encouraged her current path. Your influence has healed her.

[12:05:34] Tali: I called it over the summer. You didn't believe me. Now I gladly get to say I told you so.

While I appreciated everyone's attention—thoughtful or not—I couldn't make myself reply to them.

I did not want to go down that rabbit hole. An unending spiral of questions and answers, leading to their discovery of what had really happened. I couldn't risk it.

Speaking of risks…

The other reason for my relative isolation these days, instead of enjoying this time on the Citadel.

This test result I had saved to my omni-tool:

Negative.

As it should have been. It needed to be.

During the mission, I didn't have… We didn't have the freedom to… Or the time to dedicate ourselves…

I had no idea why. Why this outcome made me heave for breath. As if drowning under the water of this obvious, practical result. Emotions bubbling up to my eyes, pooling there. I placed my hand to my chest. Trying to calm down. Trying to remember my own logic. I hadn't planned for the positive. Shepard and I had stumbled into that whole situation. Neither of us had allowed the thought to pass our minds. Not until it happened. Not until I had found those shared sentiments deep in her heart. Dormant, waiting to rush out from her and envelop me for the first time. After waiting for so long. Waiting until now, until…

Until the worst possible time.

So inappropriate. Rude and uncaring. So wrong and untimely—and now we had unlimited time.

Unlimited or not, we still had our schedule. We still had our plans. We still had our normal lives.

Sniffling, swallowing down these feelings that had confused me so, I considered sending Shepard an email. My nerves settled in from this simple idea of writing to her. But then I quickly decided: an email wouldn't be enough. I needed to make a different gesture. Something more personal, meaningful.

Checking the hour, I noticed lunchtime approaching. Shepard and I had a comfortable amount of time left before our meeting with the Council. I considered asking her out to lunch with me on the Citadel. Only to reason with myself: she must've had a reason for barely leaving the ship these days. I didn't want to inflame those reasons by asking her to come out with me. Instead, I saved the work on my computer and left my office. I wandered outside to the kitchen, finding this comforting silence all around. Everyone had left to the Citadel once more, enjoying their time out on the station. I took advantage of this peace and quiet by cooking a meal. A relatively simple meal I'd watched Shepard make several times over the years. One I knew she loved and appreciated, no matter her outward mood.

A simple salad with slices of chicken mixed between. Seasoned beforehand—I found this plastic bag in the refrigerator with her pre-salted and peppered white meat. I used Kaidan's portable grill to cook everything as I knew she preferred. More seasoning in her leafy salad, tossed with these specific tomatoes and cucumbers: I sliced them into even more specific portions. Not to thin, not too thick. Mixing everything together with the only salad dressing we had left, I hoped Shepard would like it.

Taking this finished meal with me, I left to the elevator.

Such a risk I had decided to take. I had no guarantees if this would pay off.

At the elevator panel, I requested the captain's permission for this. To visit her in her private cabin.

Mere seconds later, Shepard granted me her approval. The panel lit up with the option for me to travel to the captain's quarters. I pressed the corresponding button, nerves fluttering anew. So many scenarios played out in my head as the elevator took me upstairs. All the way to the top deck of the ship. I held this bowl of salad in my hands, hopeful and eager. Hoping Shepard would accept this gesture from me.

When the elevator door opened, I exited to this mini-hallway leading to Shepard's room.

Ambient and calming, the equipment just outside of Shepard's room existed in a muted mood. Subdued as these washed-out reds and blues, they reminded me of her. This feeling Shepard emanated, even before reaching her. Even before my assumed need to knock upon her door first. Shepard actually came outside to find me. She stepped out in what she usually wore while alone in her room. I looked upon her, finding her natural lights as subdued as the ones around us. Something in Shepard's eyes lit up at this sight of me. Yet not enough to lift her sprits entirely. Not enough to thin this avoidant fog from her.

Head slightly bowed. Shoulders a bit slouched over. She shrank herself in the dourness of her demeanor.

Swallowing down this sting in my throat, I offered the meal to her. "I made this for you, Shepard. If you are not hungry—or if you don't want it—then I will understand."

These lights shined in her eyes, reflecting brightly off of the sudden emotion passing through her.

As if she had not expected this from me.

As if some part of her still believed she didn't deserve it.

I believed she did. I would never believe otherwise.

Gently, Shepard reached her hands out, accepting this salad, this love from me. "Thanks, Liara…"

I knew the answer already, but I still asked, "Are you all right?"

Shepard fought the urge to turn around. To look away from me in her shame.

I suddenly realized the extent of her preparation these days. Whenever Shepard would leave her room on her own, she had solidified her mood. She had fine-tuned her outward appearance. She had focused on the positives with me, enjoying our company together. Yet the moment she returned to her solitude, this gloom about her came right back. Now I had found her in this awkward state of unpreparedness.

I did not sense any lingering heartache from her. Nor did I find any regrets with her decision to leave.

Only this shame. This lingering embarrassment over her imperfections. Feeling less-than in front of me.

"Will you let me stay with you for a while? In your room. At least before our meeting with the Council."

Nodding in acceptance, Shepard stepped aside. She allowed me to enter her door first. I walked into this calming, blued aura of her private cabin. I found these quarters of hers as I remembered them from before. Yet as I walked down this short flight of stairs, something began to unsettle me. These missing details. Shepard did not have her vid screen on. No music, no white noise in the background. A faint hum emanated from her mini-refrigerator. Fainter bubbling sounds bubbled from her fish tank. The rest stayed in silence. Uninterrupted silence of the Normandy, powered-down and docked at the Citadel.

So silent that I could actually hear Shepard's bare footsteps behind me.

She placed her hand along my arm, guiding me over to the couch. Her other hand she used to carry the food I'd brought for her. We sat down over the leather of this couch together. Shepard kept herself closer to the corner of her furniture's bend. I stayed a bit removed from her, nearest to the mini-refrigerator. I considered getting her something to drink. She did not have anything out on her table.

"Shepard, would you like something from your refrigerator? To go with your salad."

She thought about it for a moment. "We can have some of our wine. Get a glass for yourself, too."

Our wine.

Checking her mini-refrigerator, I found this bottle right at the front. A bottle of Sauvignon Blanc white wine. I couldn't help this feeling, this knotting deep in my chest. Pained for all the time we had lost. All the missed dates we could have shared. The endless nights we could have spent drinking this together. Now Shepard had other memories with other people. She did not have any of those other bottles in here. Only ours. Only our memories. Yet as I poured our glasses of this crisp, pale yellow alcohol, I missed the old days. The simpler times we'd had with one another. Times undiluted by other varieties of wines and champagnes. This one still meant something to us. It meant everything. We at least had this.

Every single one of my movements echoed out to Shepard's room. Each drop of alcohol seemed to have its own symphony as it curled and rested to stillness. I took the glasses over to Shepard's table, mindful of these clinking noises. Although she didn't seem to mind at all. Maybe she would have with someone else. Maybe she would have grown self-conscious if it were anyone other than me: sitting back down beside her, watching her drink, and drinking my own wine. I tried to mute the sounds of my own tasting, my own swallowing of this wine. Drinking of the past simply felt too wonderful. Drinking to the future gave this taste an even stronger impact.

As I watched her taste my cooking, I glanced at the comfort draped at Shepard's other side. The familiar blue of a blanket. Not folded in neatness, she must've curled up with that added nostalgia before I'd arrived. I smiled over the meaning. I smiled even more over Shepard's reactions to the food: my attempt at recreating her routines. Docile and child-like, Shepard ate at an easy pace. I adored every sound of her eating: the lettuce and other vegetables quietly crunching in her mouth. I began to wish I had done this sooner. I'd wanted to keep some type of balance. Giving Shepard her space while also reminding her I was here. She had me, regardless of our actual status together. I couldn't help needing more of her.

Shepard ate exactly half of her salad before offering the rest to me.

"You haven't eaten yet," she noticed. "Here."

I smiled over her consideration. "Thank you, Shepard."

As I finished eating the meal, I stopped myself from recoiling. This did not taste anything like Shepard's cooking. I thought I had managed to replicate her methods. This was…certainly fine enough. Nowhere near as divine as what I adored of her cuisine. I should have tasted this first before coming up here…

"Liara, what's that look on your face for?"

"You are too polite," I told her. "Why didn't you tell me this wasn't good enough?"

"Hmm?" Shepard cutely tilted her head to one side. "It is good. What are you talking about?"

"This doesn't taste like your cooking."

"No, it tastes like yours. It doesn't have to be the same as mine. I really like what you made for me."

Reasoning with myself, I accepted Shepard wouldn't lie to me like this. She truly meant what she'd said.

The fine smile she gave me from behind her wine glass—not one born of a fib to make me feel better.

"Well, thank you for your honesty," I replied, indeed feeling better. "I considered asking you out to lunch instead. Somewhere on the Citadel. I could tell you weren't in the mood to go anywhere. Not unless you absolutely had to."

"It's not just about what I want," she said. "We wouldn't have been able to enjoy a lunch outside."

"Oh… Why is that?"

"There's a group of people stalking me on the Citadel."

"What?! Who do you mean?"

Shepard explained, "It's Aria's people. I recognized some of her thugs—and her more professional agents. They always follow me whenever I go. I've had to lose them before heading to Sha'ira's place."

First Miranda, and now Aria.

I shouldn't have been surprised.

"Even for Aria, this seems strange," I pointed out. "Does she honestly believe you won't notice?"

"I don't know. But it's pissing me off. I heard Aria's hanging out at Purgatory with her entourage. It's a nightclub here on the Citadel. She's tried to have eyes on me 24/7 ever since we broke up. This isn't normal."

"Is this why you have only left the Normandy for your appointments?"

"Yes."

Souring over the news, I pushed these darker thoughts away.

Sudden protectiveness. Such a need to defend Shepard from this distress, this discomfort at any cost.

"I see… Then I am glad I didn't ask for us to go out. Staying in your room is nice. More intimate."

Such a heady look she gave me, then, thinking along the same lines.

"Liara, why don't you change into something more comfortable? Our meeting with the Council isn't for a few more hours. You can use my holo-closet over by the bed."

"Okay…I will."

As I headed over to her closet, Shepard watched me closely. Intently. All while she continued sipping on her wine. I did my best not to look at her bed. Focusing on her holo-closet, I remembered from before. During our first mission, after Feros and the Thorian, Shepard had invited me up here. She had asked me to bring a few of my clothes to place in her closet. I had placed them inside as requested. After all this time, I assumed she had removed them; destroyed the profile I had created within her closet's databases. Only to find this shocking truth. I found my same clothes inside. The ones I'd taken from my own closet and manually brought up to her room, just for this. She had kept everything as I'd left it…

Shepard came over to me. She joined me as I stood here, keeping my hand over my face. I blinked so much harder. Trying not to cry. Trying not get emotional over such a small detail. I couldn't help myself.

"Shepard," I whispered from behind my hand. "You…you kept them. Even after everything."

"I had changed your profile name to a random binary code. Otherwise, someone might've noticed."

"When…? When did you do this?"

"The night before Ilos. Then I did some spring cleaning the other day. I found it again; remembered everything. Maybe it's a sign."

She allowed me to link the entirety of my holo-closet with hers. Merging those handful of clothes with the rest of my belongings. Together as one.

I changed into my own comfort. The black of my N7 shirt…and a tight pair of leggings. Not that I necessarily wanted to cover up. It just seemed like the best idea for now. When I looked up at Shepard again, I found her staring at me. Deep in thought. We both knew what we could and couldn't do together. Even though I trusted her, I didn't want us to take any other risks. I used my eyes to convey this simple wish to her. How I wished we could have found one another again during a simpler time.

"Nothing's ever that easy, Liara," she shared. "Especially not with me."

"That is true. It is also part of your appeal. You always find a way to keep me from getting complacent."

"We don't have to be 'on' all the time, you know. We can take our time. Taking things day by day."

"I'd like that," I said. "It's all I've wanted this whole time."

Something else I wanted:

I glanced behind Shepard to the couch again. Her bed held too many temptations for us. Her couch seemed like a safer choice. Except I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted. I felt these withdrawals—from missing Shepard's touch, even knowing she was not a very affectionate person. Not naturally.

Shepard picked up on what I couldn't say.

She held my hand, having us return to her couch. She sat down first with her back to the corner. I settled myself on top of her; she held me to her chest in this silence. The blue comfort of this blanket, she wrapped around me, keeping me protected from the faint draft running through her room. Shepard adored me like this, so surreal. I felt the patience she had learned in recent days by speaking with Sha'ira, by sorting through her issues. She gave me these lessons, these conclusions, stroking the top of my head in her esteem for me. I closed my eyes in this relaxation she gave to me. The security of her lasting presence. How her fingertips sounded as she brushed her skin against mine. How her lips sounded as she did the same, breathing this heat of her heartbeats over me. Shepard's undivided attention on me brought these chills to my scalp—just as much, if not more than her actual touch. So soothing, she sent those same chills up and down the back of my neck.

No expectations and no interruptions.

Everything I had hoped for, waited for, and fought for—it all existed right here. In this quiet moment.

"Liara," she murmured, so dream-like.

Dreamy, in a dream: "Hmm?"

"Do you need this from me?"

No thinking required, I simply nodded against her chest.

"All right."

I recalled in such detail: "I used to be so jealous. Nearly fit to burst. Watching you be with others instead of me. Imagining you giving them these affections. It burned me up so badly… I could have died again."

I wanted her to promise she would never leave again.

I held my tongue, knowing it was too soon for this. Much too soon.

Still, something of what I said caused Shepard to go quiet. Quiet, worrying.

"Shepard?" I asked, getting a better look at her. "Is something the matter?"

Shepard had a faraway look in her eyes—before regarding me in sincerity. She seemed to convince herself of something. Willing to trust me, to believe in me. I gave her a look, wordlessly promising she could trust in me. Whatever weighed on her mind, I wanted to know. I wanted her to share this with me.

"I…need your opinion, Liara. Your recommendation—about who to assign to work in the armory. I handled it for a while. With everything going on, it would be best if someone else took care of it."

I suggested, "If it is the armory, then perhaps you should ask Wrex. He is familiar with the workload, having focused on our armor during the first mission. It would not be unreasonable to have him transition to our weapons as well. What do you think?"

"Wrex should be fine. I'll ask him about it later."

"I get the feeling there is more behind this story. Or am I imagining things?"

"No…you're not imagining things," she admitted. "There's another reason why I had to leave. Why I threatened to leave the team entirely. Why I had to get myself out of that relationship. The repetition, the broken promises. Continued cycles. Reminders of the past. Being around her isn't great for my health anymore. Even knowing she's had her people stalk me on the Citadel—it brings these problems right back. I'm hoping the Council gives us another mission soon so we can get the hell out of here."

I worried for her, "How has this affected your health? Do you mean your mental health in particular?"

She shared with me the thoughts she'd had.

The thoughts I hadn't picked up on in giving Shepard her mental and emotional space.

The thoughts she could've acted on in the armory—the ones that could've taken her from me.

As soon as she finished telling me everything, I couldn't help my reactions. I held Shepard closer to me. I clung to her, really, kissing every part of her face I could reach. Shepard humbled herself in-turn. She softened all over again, quietly enjoying this attention from me. Maybe even needing this.

I only stopped once I remembered: "Shepard, if you feel this way…what will you do about Omega? The Reapers are there. You will need to defeat the devil ship in order to save the Terminus Systems."

"I know… I want to help Omega. I don't want to be around her anymore. I'll have to come up with some kind of plan. An alternative. I'll think about it and let you know."

"That is fine. Just promise me those feelings of yours are in the past. I couldn't survive if we lost you."

"They're in the past. It's okay. This situation has changed me. I don't feel so untouchable anymore. Above everything; above reproach. If anyone other than you saw me like this, then I don't think I would survive, either. My ego wouldn't have been able to handle it. You've been very understanding with me, Liara. Very patient. I'm not focused on whether or not I'm worth it anymore. I just know that you are. You're worth it to me. You're worth everything. Sorry it took me so long to wake up and realize this."

Smiling brightly, I curled myself back into Shepard's hold. She allowed us to bask in this feeling together. Our shared understanding. Our shared patience. We stayed like this for as long as we could. At least until we needed to get ready. We needed to find Tali and Wrex ahead of our meeting with the Council.

We somehow avoided sex. For now. For how much longer, I didn't know. The question still excited me.

---

When the time arrived, Shepard allowed me to get myself ready in her room. She did the same. As we left the Normandy together, I nearly forgot to tell her. I needed to update Shepard on these other matters with Insomnia and the team's chat room. I considered not mentioning any of it. But I didn't enjoy the idea of keeping quiet with her. We had this tacit agreement together. No lying, no keeping secrets from one another. No matter how small or insignificant. Certainly we could keep our own secrets with one another, between the two of us. Having it the other way around didn't sit right with me.

"Liara?" asked Shepard, as we exited the airlock. "Is there something going on?"

"I have a few updates for you, actually. One of them concerns Insomnia. I am not sure if you've noticed—our access has been cut off. Including your permissions with the VR game."

Shepard tinkered with her omni-tool. "I did notice that. I was going to ask you about it."

"Well, this is the captain's doing. She is understandably fed up with people meddling around in there. I cannot see a thing whenever I dream. It is the same for everyone who is aware, like Samara. We are all still working under Sol's command. Things are continuing as they should without our conscious input. I suppose this is a good thing. We don't have to worry about any repeats happening with the enemy."

"That's true. Do you know if Aria and Miranda still have access to HQ?"

"They don't," I supplied. "The captain has completely locked them out. She also destroyed their keycards—and Ashley's old keycard. We are all on high alert after the last incident, knowing Ashley had compromised us. For our own safety, we executives have taken to living at HQ instead of returning to our home locations after work. Beyond that, I'm afraid I don't know much of anything. It is a miracle I am able to pick up on these few details in my dreams. Everything is simply…blank. It is rather surreal."

"I guess it's for the best, like you said. But there isn't a 'boss' anymore, is there?"

"Not formally, no. Just the captain. I am still your Vice President. There is no one between us now."

Shepard hummed in thoughtfulness.

"There is one other thing," I added. "We found out Aria and Miranda had been spying on our chat room. The Team Renegade Shepard chat I told you about long ago. Garrus removed them, and Tali and EDI did what they could to prevent any repeats. We had all been unusually quiet in the chat ever since the last mission. So they did not discover any sensitive information about us. I only thought you should know."

Frowning over the news, Shepard still said, "Thanks for telling me. And for handling the problem."

"Of course."

Once again we passed through docking bay D24 together. Shepard measured her pace with mine, shortening her naturally long strides for me. Smiling over her care, I took in this now-familiar crowd around us. The transience of these comings-and-goings: more families, more friends, more loved ones saying goodbye to one another. More soldiers getting shipped off to war. More wandering souls missing their other halves. I found my added blessings in sharing this time with Shepard. This precious time with her, knowing we no longer had to live apart. Knowing we never had to be separated ever again. We simply dealt with this minor awkwardness now. Walking closely together—but not holding hands. My arm kept bumping into the ridges of Shepard's knuckles. She would flex her hand on reflex every time.

We had held hands before. We would always do it, even with our strange friendship-relationship before.

This would have been different.

Yet as we headed to the elevator, we heard the emphasis of our new time together. We heard the news playing on the screens around the docking bay. The veritable rumors of Shepard's breakup. Those sitting around in the seats in this area listened intently to the news. Anything to absorb the details of Shepard's life. Anything to forget the pain of their own situations, so varied and complicated. None of those people seemed to notice Shepard disappearing with me into the elevator, heading to the Presidium.

Wrex had already sent me another private message, promising to meet us at the Citadel Tower. I knew we would find Tali over by Apollo's Café. And so we made our way in that direction.

As she walked with me, Shepard remained vigilant. I was about to ask her why, until I remembered. Aria still had her people following Shepard; the both of us now. I could not see them around anywhere. Yet I knew Shepard had spotted Aria's thugs and agents with ease. This matter did not help keep Shepard's mood where I wanted it—where she'd had it with me in her room earlier. Things probably wouldn't improve for the better until we left the Citadel for our next mission, as Shepard had hoped for earlier.

The very image of an idyllic peace: we found this open plaza of the Presidium in perfect harmony. A little more crowded than I remembered, with several people shopping at the kiosks, stocking up on combat supplies. Other groups of people mingled around the benches and tables, sharing in the horror stories of their friends and loved ones behind enemy lines. Everything else embodied the blinders the Presidium wore as a whole, largely ignorant to the realities of this war. Though perhaps not for much longer.

Shepard and I passed through this pearly white maze of stairs and walkways. We descended to Apollo's Café off to the side. Several politicians and executives stood in line at the front counter, ordering their meals and drinks to take with them back to their offices. The asari working behind the counter—she gave me a pointed look, briefly, before returning to the hectic workload in taking everyone's orders. I could have sworn I'd seen her before… Her face seemed familiar to me. I did not have time to go up and ask her anything. Not with how busy she looked over there. Maybe I would ask her some other time.

We soon found Tali sitting at one of the tables closest to the lake. She had recently started working on a pet project during her free time. I was not surprised to find several pieces of quarian technology scattered about her table as she worked—along with a rounded mechanism about the size of a shotgun.

"You never rest, do you?" I teased, taking a seat next to her.

"Never!" she declared in joy. "I'm really enjoying this, actually. Back during the retrofits, there wasn't enough time for side projects. I'm making the most of our downtime when I can. At least before our meeting with the Council. Wrex is making his way over to the Citadel Tower now. Where's Shepard?"

"Shepard…? But she was just here—"

I finally noticed them: Aria's group of agents that had stalked Shepard on our way over here. Shepard had decided to go over to them. She intimidated the thugs to leave this instant; to stop following her around. I didn't have to guess what had tipped the scales for her. Shepard refused to let this stalking go on with Tali and myself involved. I imagined her worrying for our safety, or just not wanting us to be disturbed. I absolutely heard that protective edge in her voice, all as she told Aria's people to leave us alone. Thankfully they listened to her, leaving the area one by one. Not without attracting attention.

Tali soured over the sight. "Don't tell me those were you-know-who's people following her."

"As if it needed any confirmation."

"I don't like this. I don't like it at all." We both observed Shepard watching the watchers, making certain they left the Presidium entirely. "Listen, I know we got in trouble for talking badly about so-and-so before. Clearly something serious happened for them to break up like this. There must be a pattern."

"Yes, there is. A very damaging and dangerous pattern."

"Well, no matter the details, I'm always going to take Shepard's side. I suppose I didn't want any repeats of the past. Where Shepard took her side over ours—even if she had a perfectly good reason to do so. I understand how her sense of justice works. I need her to stay loyal to us. Know what I mean?"

"I do know, Tali," I replied. "This mystery remains. If she will be willing to work through disagreements with us in the future…instead of rigidly sticking to her sense of justice. Like she has always done."

"Considering everything we've been through by now, I have hope. Hope that Shepard will fight through the tough times with us. It won't be pleasant. It will be painful. I'm imagining…she loves us enough to do it anyway. She would be able to see we're worth the struggle. Or is that too strange of me to say?"

I agreed with her, "It is not strange at all. I believe she has it in her these days."

"Oh, good!" said Tali, relieved. "I thought it was wishful thinking on my part. There's a lot more I wanted to chat with you about—with this. We can't now. Not while we're under surveillance." She sadly had a point. "Long story short: you and the captain are meant for each other. Let's work to keep it that way."

Before I could ask Tali what she meant by that last part, Shepard found us at our table. She raised her brow at all the tech scattered about the surface. Only for a smile to swell over her face. Meanwhile, Tali smiled to herself—mind running wild with ideas—as she began placing all the tech back inside her many pockets. Surprising us both, Shepard stood behind Tali's seat, leaning down to her. She draped her long arms around Tali's shoulders in such a loving embrace. Caught by surprise, Tali giggled over the gesture.

"What's this for?" she asked. Shepard only pressed her grin to the side of Tali's hood. "Aww, you're so sweet. You're like a puppy right now, Shepard. A very big, subdued puppy. Really, what's this about?"

Shepard smiled at me smiling back at her, staying vague—"You'll see, Tali."

"Hmm, okay. If you say so!"

This moment was so precious, I just had to take a picture of them with my omni-tool.

Once Tali collected everything, the three of us left to the Citadel Tower together. Shepard puzzled over the prototype device Tali had holstered behind her waist. With Tali chatting with me about nothing in particular, Shepard decided not to ask about it. She simply enjoyed our company as we went along.

We soon arrived to the splendid epicenter of the Citadel. The Council Chambers remained lush with such beautiful trees of soft cherry pinks, reaching up to the many stairs along the anterooms rising up through the tower. Luminous fountains glimmered in the light of the tall window shining in the nebula from outside. Not at all as peaceful as I expected, many politicians and military officials hurried through the chambers. They congregated upstairs along the balconies overlooking the Council's audience chamber. Numerous C-Sec officers remained stationed up on those balconies and anterooms, herding the mass of crowds there. The people certainly had permission to be present, yet they seemed to be early for something scheduled at a later time. In light of this schedule, C-Sec had several protections in place to prevent anyone from overhearing our meeting with the Council. Nevertheless, this palpable excitement in the air had swept through everyone as they waited and waited, speculating together. Only the keepers upheld any sense of order, quietly working at their stations scattered throughout the area.

Tali craned her head up to take in all the excitement. "There are so many people up there… It's like they're trying to get into the VIP section of a party! What are they waiting around for?"

"I have no idea," I said. "How sensational. I've never seen anything like this on the Citadel before!"

Shepard smiled up at the spectacle in pride. A leader's pride.

Wrex trudged over to us. "Huh. You noticed that, too. I was supposed to have a friendly talk with one of the salarian people. Then some big announcement went out to all the people who work in the Tower. The salarian forgot I existed and ran off with the crowd. They giving away free drinks or something?"

"I'm sure we'll find out soon enough," promised Shepard. "It's good to see you again, Wrex. Sorry I haven't been around to greet you properly. We already moved your things to your room on the ship."

"No harm done, Commander," said Wrex, automatically forgiving. "Heard you're going through it these days. I don't blame you. Figured you needed some time to dust yourself off first. Looks like you have."

"For the most part, yeah…"

Wrex clapped his hand over Shepard's shoulder, encouraging. "You'll get through this. Since I'm back on the team now, got any work for me? Maybe in the armory? I don't wanna be a freeloader or anything."

"The armory's fine. We could use you there. It's down in the cargo hold—just like before."

"Good! I'll get started whenever we take off again. Can't wait to see everyone's new toys."

Shepard offered her hand. "Welcome back to the team, Wrex. We've all missed you."

Wrex shook her hand in a strong solidarity. "Missed you, too, Shepard. The Normandy's like a second home to me. But if the rumors are true, I never really left." Tali ribbed him in her scolding. She honestly still believed Shepard knew nothing of our chat room. "Oh, shit. I wasn't supposed to say that, was I?"

"You're hopeless, Wrex," chided Tali.

"Sorry, Tali…"

Shepard appeared not to have heard them.

Smiling to myself, I appreciated her willingness to go along with the charade. Even after all this time.

Instead, Shepard changed the subject, "Wrex, while we were on Palaven, the turians asked about you. The krogan, I mean. The general in charge of Palaven's resistance wants krogan boots on the ground to help them out. He knows it's a lot to ask. I promised I'd pass the message along to you anyway."

"That is a lot to ask," grumbled Wrex. "I wouldn't mind giving the order for your sake. I just know my people wouldn't be happy about it. Not unless we get something out of it first. Then again, I might have a solution in mind to help things along. The only thing that would move things along. Sit tight for now."

"All right, thanks. It's time. Let's head over and speak with the Council."

---

Approaching this still-beating heart of galactic politics, even in the midst of war, our group found the councilors waiting for us. They each stood behind their podiums at the audience chamber. The turian councilor, the salarian councilor, the asari councilor, and now the human councilor—Councilor Udina, the former ambassador to the Alliance. Councilor Udina settled for a clean appearance in his white suit, his attitude also having undergone some sort of cleanse. No longer did he look upon us with the scorn and disdain I recalled from before. Something in his demeanor had changed, calming for the better. By contrast, I spotted a measured set of nerves surrounding Tevos, the asari councilor. She controlled them for decorum's sake, for the sake of the meeting, and to save face. Knowing she had lost the ewer of her knowledge as a matriarch—in predicting the future—she did appear visibly disturbed. But only just so.

Shepard stood at the fore of this platform beneath our feet, raised above the garden down beneath the scenic glass. I remained right at her side, with Tali and Wrex just nearby. All those politicians and military officials continued cluttering the space upstairs, all along the balconies and anterooms. C-Sec continued to control the crowds, still ensuring they could not hear the sensitive details of our meeting. Yet they all seemed eager for our meeting to end. As if waiting for something after the fact. Something momentous.

"Commander Shepard," addressed Udina. "Thank you for bringing your teammates with you for this meeting. First things first: we've received Councilor Anderson's pod. We offer our sincerest condolences for your loss. We know Anderson cared for you a great deal. He took you under his wing in the Alliance; ensured you made it to where you are today. Even though I have taken his seat on the Council, I can never replace the man he was. His leadership and influence will be sorely missed by all of humanity."

Shepard had not expected such grace and humility from him. "Thank you, Councilor Udina…" Soon she remembered the real reason for our gathering—"With that said, I can't help feeling angry that he's gone. Anderson didn't have to die like this. Udina, I know you weren't involved, so I'm speaking to the other councilors when I ask—why didn't you do anything to prevent this? Why didn't you warn the public sooner? You lied on galactic television, acting like you had just found out about the Reapers! If you were going to do that, why didn't you at least let Admiral Hackett mobilize our fleets sooner?"

Meek in his mistakes, the salarian councilor justified, "We could not risk ruining the peace in the galaxy. This has always been our foremost concern, Commander… We apologize for Earth's enormous loss."

"This is more than a loss, Councilor! Liara and I were just on Palaven. We saw it with our own eyes—the turians had all clearly mobilized before the Reapers showed up. Sur'Kesh and Thessia are both safe and sound right now. You knew the Reapers would hit Earth first! So humanity had to be your sacrificial lambs, all for the sake of peace?! You couldn't even get a warning out one week in advance? One week!"

Well-aware of their blunders, the councilors minus Udina could not come up with another argument.

"Councilor Anderson died for your bullshit! Admiral Hackett nearly lost his life out there! Alliance Parliament deserted us! All while the Council left Earth out in the cold to die—even after everything we've worked for together. And for what? Politics? Keeping the peace? This is unacceptable!"

"Shepard's right," agreed Udina. "Had I found out about this sooner, you can be sure I would have sounded the alarms. You all kept me in the dark until you couldn't anymore. Now you've made a giant mess that could've been prevented! There's no excuse for this!" Watching the councilors lower their heads in shame, Udina sighed in irritation. "As much as I wish we could, Commander, we cannot take back the past. What's done is done. We must move forward. Are you willing to work with us again?"

"I have to, Udina," relented Shepard. "It's not like our mission will survive without the Council."

"Very well. Then let us proceed. The turian councilor first wished to discuss matters on Palaven."

"Yes," said the turian councilor. "Commander, I thank you and your team for assisting the turian homeworld. Dr. T'Soni's outstanding fortifications against Lucifer will serve as an inspiration to all biotics across the galaxy. Our military forces are gradually clearing the Reapers from Palaven and our colonies. Their efforts are far more productive now that the devil ship is gone. The enemy's morale has plummeted without their commander. Our plan of attack against the Reapers is working as intended."

Shepard mentioned, "I spoke with General Victus before we left. He asked if we could send the krogan along to assist them. My teammate Wrex has something he'd like to say about that."

"But of course. This is a complicated matter. Urdnot Wrex, I understand you are clan chief of the most powerful faction on Tuchanka. If there is anything the Council can do to facilitate your people helping Palaven, please let us know. The survival of our homeworld is at stake. We are open to negotiations."

Stepping forward, Wrex made himself clear: "There isn't much to negotiate, Councilor. My people want one thing, and one thing only. A cure for the genophage. Then we'll be happy to help you turians out."

Eyes widening in fright, the salarian councilor protested, "Absolutely not! We cannot cure the genophage! Lest you forget, Wrex, the genophage is in place to control your people! We allowed you to run rampant before. This did not end well for the galaxy—or for your own homeworld! Do not ask us to repeat the mistakes of yesteryear. The krogan must remain sterilized. It is for your own good!"

"Then it's a no-go. No cure, no krogan on Palaven. Or anywhere else except Earth. Simple as that."

The way Wrex asserted himself with ease—he sounded privy to critical details beyond this conversation.

"Valern, please," beseeched the turian councilor. "I understand this is a tricky situation. Need I remind you, life on Sur'Kesh remains undisturbed. The salarian people are still thriving in peace. My homeworld is in flames, even if those flames are now carefully controlled. We need the krogan to finish the job."

The salarian councilor shot back, "Save your reminders, Sparatus. I am under no illusions about this war. Nevertheless, this is an unsavory ask by Urdnot Wrex. He is taking advantage of the current climate, requesting that we let the krogan roam freely, opening the doors to further ruin against us both. Do you honestly believe Tuchanka will forget the past? Curing the genophage will not hand-wave away the centuries of strife between our people. As soon as this war is over, and the Reapers are gone, you can rest assured we salarians and the turians will be next on their list! Who will save us then? Humanity?"

Udina muttered under his breath, "Not after you left Earth to burn the way you did."

"My point exactly."

Tevos interjected, "Valern, Sparatus, Udina—let us cease this needless infighting. We will instead find a suitable compromise. Urdnot Wrex, I must ask of you. As clan chief, do you personally hold a grudge against the turians and salarians for their role in the genophage? Do you seek revenge against them?"

"I don't, actually," revealed Wrex. "Not personally, like you said. You can thank Commander Shepard for that. She opened my eyes in a lot of ways. Before I met her, I didn't give a damn about my own people. I thought we were all hopeless, wandering around as mercs; destined to die for a credit or two. Then Shepard inspired me. Taught me there's more to life than killing for credits. I started looking inward, finding glimmers of hope for my people. We can move forward and be better than what we are today. But that won't happen unless we get rid of this fog over our heads. My dreams as a leader won't come true until the genophage is gone. Only then can my people finally heal from these centuries of pain."

The turian councilor praised, "Well spoken, Wrex. I see the clear wisdom in your perspective."

Begrudgingly, the salarian councilor agreed, "Your words are powerful indeed. I am still hesitant about this. If we do cure the genophage, our hopes for continued peace rest upon your shoulders. For you must inspire this same hope in your people. You must control their bloodthirsty calls for vengeance. How can we know your dreams will persist across the years to come? Will you stay in power forever?"

"It is possible," said Tevos. "Should Commander Shepard defeat Harbinger, she will become immortal. All those who follow her—meaning her teammates—will receive the same blessing. This includes Urdnot Wrex. If he is successful at maintaining power for an age, then there is yet hope for everlasting peace."

Wrex puzzled, "Immortal? You mean living forever…? Sounds like crazy talk to me."

Tali privately worried over the implications of all this.

I looked to Shepard, finding her recollections of our own conversation. When I had told her the very same some time ago. I felt her energies linking with mine in this moment. A synastry of our own hopes.

Meanwhile, the turian councilor gave the salarian councilor a look of his own. Such a pleading look.

"Fine. I am going over our dalatrass' head with this. She won't be pleased. Urdnot Wrex, I understand you've been in contact with our Special Tasks Group. What have they communicated to you thus far?"

"I have an insider with them," explained Wrex. "STG told me about a secret base on your homeworld. They have a project going on Sur'Kesh with fertile krogan females, working on a cure for the genophage. Apparently this project's piggybacking off some work done on Tuchanka with an enemy clan of mine. They're taking the results from those brutal experiments and finishing the cure in a better way."

"Yes, you have the right of it," replied the salarian councilor. "Mind you, we had no plans to actually deploy this cure. STG had hoped to hold on to the cure for…political leverage. Or for dire emergencies. It sounds to me like this is one such emergency. Commander, you and your team have permission to travel to this base—once the project allows for visitors. Meaning not just yet. I will need time to handle the necessary damage control over my unilateral decision. Wrex's contact will keep you informed."

Shepard responded, "Understood, Councilor. We'll wait to hear from them. In the meantime, humanity needs some relief. Earth's refugees are stranded outside the Citadel after fleeing for their lives. There's no room for them in the designated housing in the Zakera Wards. We need a better solution, now."

Tevos offered, "I may have an olive branch for you, Commander. If you are willing to accept."

"Let's hear it, then."

"As an apology for our cruelty toward Earth and the Alliance, the asari will play host to your refugees. Thessia will shelter and care for them. We have numerous safe havens available for human refugees, and for your military. Our homeworld will be left alone by the Reapers—if not indefinitely, then for quite some time compared to other worlds. We extend our current times of peace to your people in need."

"Where exactly on Thessia are these safe havens of yours?"

Just as Samara had told me: "Thessia has several secret, underground 'dome cities' spread across the land. Very few asari know of their existence. The Reapers will not be able to find these underground cities. Earth's citizens may safely rest there with food, shelter, and other amenities provided to them."

Not at all pleased, Shepard called her out, "Yeah, okay. I see what's going on here. What you tried to do. You waited until the last second to warn the galaxy about the Reapers. Earth burned first as ground zero for the invasion. Now our people are the last ones making it to the Citadel. The refugee housing's full. That leaves us with no choice but to accept your olive branch. If Earth's people head to Thessia in droves, it gives the Alliance all the more reason to protect your homeworld once the Reapers attack."

Tevos went silent.

She hadn't anticipated this outcome: getting found out like this.

Shepard forced her own control. "I'm this close to walking out of here, Tevos. You royally screwed up."

"…I apologize, Commander. I am deeply ashamed. I can only reiterate that my offer is on the table."

"Lucky for you, I have to accept your offer. Our refugees can't afford for me to be stubborn and refuse."

"I understand," said Tevos. "Then I will direct you to the main terminal found within the Spectre Office in the embassies. You now have authorization to send all human refugee transports to Thessia. Once you give the order, they will have clearance to leave without delay. We will first attempt to fill the space we have in Labyrinthos, the dome city built underneath Armali—a place you know quite well by now."

"All right. I'll head to the Spectre Office once we're done here."

"As an extension of my apology, you and your team may visit Labyrinthos at any time. You are free to explore our artificial city and learn more about its inner-workings. This agreement of ours is a symbol of the alliance between Thessia and Earth: the asari and humanity. Your enduring relationship with Dr. T'Soni has also paved the way for this extraordinary compromise, Commander. When the time comes, the asari fleets will assist your people in retaking Earth and defeating the Reapers once and for all."

Shepard glanced at me standing beside her, looking past her anger to find the meaning in this gesture.

Then Udina said, "Lastly, we'd like to go over the situation with the quarians. Tali'Zorah, this is why we asked for you today. Have you heard any further news about a possible war against the geth?"

"None whatsoever," replied Tali, dejected. "I've been checking every day since Admiral Hackett told us… But I really should have known by then. It worries me that I haven't found any news on my own."

"That doesn't surprise me. It also confirms my suspicions about the admirals, how they've chosen to treat you. However, this isn't our main concern with them. There is something else we wished to inform you of. For over two hundred years now, the Council has toiled to keep a secret hidden from the galaxy. A monumental secret hidden on Rannoch, your homeworld. With the Migrant Fleet contemplating war with the geth, they will likely discover this secret in the coming future. The Council has a serious interest in protecting this secret from harm. We've decided to send you to investigate the matter in our stead."

"Investigate…? You mean to investigate this secret—whatever it is? Something that is on Rannoch?!"

"Correct," confirmed Udina. "We understand no quarian from the Migrant Fleet has set foot on your homeworld since the end of the Morning War. Knowing this, we do not make this request of you lightly. Furthermore, you expressed to Admiral Hackett your wishes to negotiate with the admirals, to convince them to rethink this senseless war against the geth. You also lamented your lack of political power to make them take you seriously. To that end, the Council has come up with a solution. One that gives you both the power to negotiate with the admirals, and to investigate Rannoch with Council authority."

Council authority?

Such powerful, promising words made my heart pick up in anticipation, in excitement. I felt Tali's same reactions in tandem with mine. All those people upstairs began leaning in, listening much closely as they watched. Wrex nodded in an unending well of approval. And of course, Shepard would not stop smiling.

The turian councilor supplied, "When this issue with the quarians emerged, the Council collaborated on the best way forward. Councilor Udina asked a powerful, influential figure for a recommendation. This person then put your name forth, Tali'Zorah—for you to join them in the elite force of Council Spectres."

Completely speechless, Tali could hardly believe this surprise.

So long ago, Tali had provided the evidence Shepard needed to become a Spectre—the evidence implicating Saren and my mother Benezia for going rogue and working with the geth. The first human Spectre on that day. That historic day over three years ago, leading to this next momentous occasion.

Coming full-circle in such a way, Shepard had chosen to pay her blessings forward. Forward to Tali.

Tevos addressed her first: "Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, please step forward."

Tali looked to Shepard first—as if asking for her permission—yet there was no need.

Shepard nodded to Tali in reassurance, bearing her encouragement over her chest.

We all watched as Tali stepped into this spotlight. A pure look of awe she gave, gazing up at the Councilors across from us. The persistent light shining in from outside this window shined a powerful sheen over her mask. Innocence and readiness at once with so many eyes on her from above. In this moment, she was the center of the universe—and who better to place her there than Shepard herself?

Tevos continued, "It is the decision of the Council that you be granted all the powers and privileges of the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance branch of the Citadel. You have proven your extreme dedication in serving Commander Shepard—another Spectre—so faithfully. You are also a technical savant, peerless in your intricate knowledge of engineering and technology. It is your incomparable knowledge that keeps the Normandy going strong, ensuring your captain's ship will win this war for the galaxy."

The salarian councilor added, "As you know, Spectres are not trained, but chosen. Individuals forged in the fire of service and battle; those whose actions elevate them above the rank and file. Three years ago, you fought valiantly with your teammates to save us, the Council, from assassination by the geth. More recently, you emerged a hero following your suicide mission against the Collectors, with your skills and expertise contributing to the success of the operation. Now your team has undertaken this perilous mission to defeat the Reapers—and we have no doubts they will succeed with you alongside them."

"Spectres are an ideal—a symbol," said the asari councilor. "The embodiment of courage, determination, and self-reliance. They are the right-hand of the Council, instruments to our will. Your thoughtfulness and consideration for others will prove a great boon for your work as our agent."

The turian councilor spoke, "Spectres bear a great burden. They are protectors of galactic peace, both our first and last line of defense. The safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold. You are an exemplar of your people, Tali'Zorah—the very best of what the Migrant Fleet has to offer the galaxy. The general populace finds it easy to scorn your society, prejudiced in their narrow-minded beliefs. They will now see that your kind are not mere beggars and thieves. The quarians are a noble people, proven by your excellence. You carry this weight of distinction upon your shoulders. We ask that you do so proudly."

Udina congratulated her: "You are the first quarian Spectre, Tali'Zorah. This is a great accomplishment for you and your entire species. May you forever be a friend of the Council, our protector. And may you forever be a friend and a protector to all in the galaxy who deserve you."

"Thank you, Councilors," accepted Tali, bowing her head in gratitude.

"Your mission as a Spectre is twofold. We would like you to continue assisting Commander Shepard with the Reapers. We also ask that you protect and preserve the secret on Rannoch—the critical secret we have kept for over two hundred years. We feel it will be best for you to see this with your own eyes. The truth will immediately speak for itself. So we're sending you and your team to Rannoch. Specifically, to the city of Whitegate within the Empire of Aht Urhgan. You may begin your investigation there."

Teeming with excitement, Tali held it back in seriousness. "We'll head to Whitegate and take a look."

The salarian councilor requested, "Before you visit Rannoch, Tali'Zorah, there is also the situation with the Migrant Fleet. Now that you are a Spectre, we recommend speaking with the quarian admirals."

"However," warned Tevos. "The admirals may not be willing to listen, despite your new status. We have intel that suggests they will not be amendable to any talks of dissuading them from war with the geth."

"But why?" asked Tali. "How are they so dead-set on this war? They have to know how futile it is."

"They are well-aware," said the turian councilor. "The answer boils down to simple desperation. In short, the Migrant Fleet is running dangerously low on resources. Since the Morning War exodus, your people have kept a cycle of repairing and refurbishing your thousands of ships. Within the next year or so, your engineers will no longer be able to maintain your vessels. A Fleet-wide alert has gone out to everyone, including those on Pilgrimage. This doomsday scenario has swayed the Conclave and ship captains to vote in favor of going to war against the geth. The quarians have no choice now but to retake Rannoch, at last putting their haggard, broken flotilla to rest. Your peoples' very survival depends on it."

Trying not to panic, Tali quickly checked her omni-tool. "Keelah, there's still no news showing up for me about this. I believe you about the Fleet-wide alert. If it went out to those on Pilgrimage, too, then it was meant for all citizens outside the Flotilla. I should have gotten it as well. The only explanation I can think of…is if they changed my permissions! They're actually treating me like an exile from the Fleet!"

Udina sympathized, "This is what we feared they had done to you, Tali'Zorah. It is likely the admirals have taken offense to you dedicating yourself to Shepard and the Alliance—our people, humanity—over the Fleet. Should you attempt to negotiate with them, do not be surprised if they take further action against you. Drastic action, in fact. They may become hostile. We unfortunately can't assume they are still our allies. If the admirals are a lost cause, so be it. Your mission on Rannoch is more important."

"Understood, Councilor Udina… I'll do my best to set my personal feelings aside. For the mission."

"Of course. I have more information for you, but we are due for a break. Meet me in my office at the human embassies. Councilor Anderson's old office. Shepard, Dr. T'Soni—please come along as well."

Shepard and I both expressed our acknowledgment.

Tevos then announced, "This meeting of the Council is adjourned."

The councilors—except for Tevos—each departed their podiums. Everyone upstairs began to file out. Wrex and I walked off to the side with Tali, eternally happy for her.

Brightening now, Tali thanked us, even in her disbelief that this had happened at all. The first quarian Spectre! Such a wonderful surprise for Tali and her people. This opened several doors for the quarians, all but ensuring they would become a Council race. They would likely have their embassy on the Citadel restored to them after having it taken away centuries ago. I gave Tali the warmest of hugs with my congratulations. Wrex offered more glowing praise for her accomplishment. She deserved this.

I did notice that Shepard had stayed put back there.

Tevos had also remained in place behind her podium.

The two of them remained within earshot for me. I couldn't help overhearing Shepard ask:

"What was all of this for, Councilor? Did you seriously expect me to die out there on Palaven? Is that it?"

"Yes…I did. If not on Palaven, then elsewhere. Possibly on Thessia. Aria's lies would have caught up to you both, causing a cataclysm for your protections against the Reapers. And yet you are still standing."

"Then you know what this means," said Shepard.

Such astonishment from Tevos: "You have transcended, Commander. This is…an incredible outcome."

"One you didn't expect."

"Not at all. I expected you would have some victories over the Reapers. Temporary ones with Aria as your protector. This was the most optimistic option. Only for everything to fall into ruin—once you discovered her lies, her duplicity. Her recklessness that endangered you."

Shepard questioned, "Then what was Aria supposed to do instead? If the path she took was too dangerous, what was the alternative? What would've been the best thing for her to do?"

"She should have waited for you," clarified Tevos. "For you to propose to her. To ask for her hand in marriage; to become your bondmate. This would have satisfied the necessary requirements. If you recall, Shepard, I wrote you a message on your birthday. I hoped to prod you toward that outcome. Except you both chose differently instead. Aria chose the wrong paths. You decided to leave her."

"So all the stalling you did before. Not letting the Alliance mobilize. Not warning the galaxy ahead of time. Not saying anything to keep Anderson alive. Everything led to this."

"It was…a roundabout solution. One that ended up completely unnecessary in the end. One that has strained diplomatic relations between us both. I must once again apologize for the mess I created."

Softening in forgiveness, Shepard asked, "Why didn't you just tell me? Say the words. Marry her."

Again, Tevos fell silent.

Her eyes wandered in guilt, in contemplation.

No amount of diplomacy could save her from this situation. She needed to tell the truth.

"Because, Shepard. Even if I had said the words to you directly, you would not have proposed to her."

This measure of Shepard silence felt as her uneasy agreement.

"The two of you had grown comfortable with one another. You may have wished to marry Aria out of obligation. 'After everything she has done for me.' Yet the longer you stayed together, marriage or not, a feeling would have eventually settled in. 'Everything is fine. Everything is perfectly fine. She has done so much for me. I have made her incredibly happy. Except there is something missing. Something I can't quite pin down. Something I cannot name. Still, I should stay with her. I ought to stay for her sake. But I am unhappy. I am deeply unhappy…and I do not know why. I must be a terrible person. A monster.'"

The ethos with which Tevos spoke had chilled me.

As if she spoke from personal experience—such feelings toward her own bondmate, her own marriage.

Judging from the way Shepard stared at her, she noticed the same as I did.

"Commander, no matter my missteps, you and I do share a bond. A deep understanding of one another. I am certainly able to discern more of you than you are of me. For many months, I had accepted we would lose you. This was what I believed. Aside from what I could predict, I also had to consider your nature—who you are as an individual. Relying on others is your worst nightmare. You wish to stand on your own wherever possible. Relying on another to protect you on this scale, and with love involved—it was always a disastrous combination. This leads me to believe someone purposely set up such an impossible situation. Someone intentionally set you and Aria together—in order to orchestrate this chaos. Someone else who knows your mind and habits well enough to predict such an outcome."

"You're right," granted Shepard, hollow in her acceptance. "I'm sure you already know who it was."

"I do know. Then their goal was never for you to succeed. Failure was the only option. The enemy came very close to achieving that. You did what was best for yourself. Your own health. Your own sanity." The asari councilor sighed in her relief that Shepard had persevered. "I have already revoked Aria's Tentron-level security clearance. The one that allowed her to communicate with you across any system. She also cannot use a specialized VI, for example, to hack into security cameras and watch you wherever you go."

Empathetic to the last, Shepard sensed the councilor's emotions. Her truest fears over wandering in the dark. No longer able to predict the future with any certainty.

"Tevos," she spoke in strength. "I'm still your Spectre. Just like Tali, I'm the Council's right-hand. Your protector. We have a bond, like you said. We need to trust each other. Otherwise, this won't work."

"You have my solemn agreement, Shepard. Thank you for the reminders of your loyalty. I needed them."

"Since you know what happened, will you head to Thessia later this month? For Shiala's service."

"Yes, I certainly will. We may see one another there. Will you attend the service with Dr. T'Soni? I am looking forward to reading the paper she has volunteered to write about Shiala's valuable work."

"I'll be there with Liara for sure."

Tevos smiled. "That is good news. Should anything else come up before then, I will request another meeting with you. Go in peace, Commander. May the goddess grant you the wisdom to persevere."

"You, too, Councilor."

Leaving on that note, the two of them departed at last. Tevos retreated from these chambers, returning to her office. Shepard returned to my side. We left the Citadel Tower with Tali and Wrex, heading for the human embassies together. Wrex then went to tell the rest of our team about Tali's promotion. They would all want to go somewhere on the Citadel to celebrate the occasion. In the meantime, the rest of us made our way to Councilor Udina's office, off to find out the rest of what he had to share with us.

---

Beautiful and full of bureaucracy, the Citadel Embassies glimmered in a persistent silver and white, in polish and professionalism. Open walkways led to orderly sets of benches and lobbies; spotless windows separated public areas from the offices belonging to various diplomats and representatives. Even larger windows flanked the elevator I exited with Tali and Shepard, the expansive view overlooking the whole of the Presidium. Hanar, volus, turian, elcor, and human politicians populated the area, speaking freely with one another. Yet despite these perfect surroundings, I couldn't help spotting the problem areas.

Several humans stood in line in this section of the embassies. Those at the front of the line begged with the clerks behind the counters. They begged and pleaded for someone to do something about the refugee situation. These lucky humans had escaped Earth ahead of everyone else, finding shelter in the refugee housing. Except many of their loved ones remained stuck in the line of transports outside, unable to join them on the Citadel. The clerks listened in patience and compassion, stating again and again how this was out of their hands. They could do nothing to ease these burdens. Through tears and more pleading, the human civilians continued to make their case. The clerks kept repeating the reality of things. Back and forth and back and forth, until it was time for the next person in line to do the same.

Shepard listened to them as we walked by, no doubt taking everything into consideration.

Upstairs in Udina's office, we found him sitting at his desk in the center of the room. The constant flow of the Presidium's traffic streamed on just outside the windows behind him. From the looks of things, Anderson's belongings remained undisturbed—at least for the time being. Shepard observed them in fondness, taking a look around. Tali and I settled closer to the councilor at his desk.

Udina let us know, "I left Anderson's possessions as they were. I figured you would want to see them one last time." Shepard paused in front of some of Anderson's military honors. "Commander, I also must apologize. About my…brutish behavior and attitude toward you before. I had no idea the amount of pressure you were under. There are numerous operations in the works, just to protect you from your enemies. We have other Spectres assigned specifically to look out for your safety. We've already done the same for Tali'Zorah wherever possible. In short, I allowed my assumptions to get the better of me."

"That's unexpected, Udina," admitted Shepard. "Never thought you'd pull your head out of your ass."

"Believe me—from the moment I took over as councilor, it was a near-instantaneous process. Once I learned precisely how valuable you are, I changed my opinion of you. Keep in mind, as ambassador, I had only limited access to details about you and your mission. Though I always wished to know more, Anderson and the Council had kept me at arm's length. We can blame my insecurities and bruised ego."

"Makes sense. Apology accepted, then. I just feel like there's more to this story somehow."

Udina confessed more, "It's true. I hate to admit it, but Cerberus attempted to recruit me some time ago. I of course turned them down. If you recall, after your death, we had a scare with Cerberus. We purged several of their sleeper agents from the Alliance, and our staff here on the Citadel. I couldn't justify becoming a turncoat myself. Your loyalty to the Alliance and the Council may have inspired me."

"Hmm, interesting. I heard you were in charge of looking into Cerberus over the summer. Did you learn anything useful?"

"Yes, actually. It's why I invited you here. I wished to share the details I discovered. Cerberus has officially been resurrected. They even have a new 'Illusive Man' leading the organization these days."

Shepard knew. "You mean Miranda Lawson, don't you?"

"Well, yes," replied Udina. "It is your former teammate. She now goes by a different name. Solheim. It is a Norwegian word that means 'home of the sun.' I did some research into this. Apparently, her late father Henry Lawson considered making Solheim her surname instead. Supposedly in an attempt to distance her from himself. He clearly changed his mind. The meaning should sound familiar to you."

"Miranda's Cerberus manifesto. She mentioned Cerberus becoming the one true 'home of the sun.'"

"Your memory is impeccable. I have to wonder what Cerberus will be like under Solheim now. They've yet to make any major moves thus far. We haven't been able to trace any dubious financial transactions from them. Nothing illegal or unethical; no under the table dealings. This leads me to believe Solheim is using her own personal wealth to rebuild the organization. Perhaps Cerberus as a whole will turn a new leaf under her leadership. Or perhaps not. We cannot assume she is still an ally. Nor is she an obvious enemy. Even though this woman is someone you were once close with, I must advise serious caution."

Deep in thought, Shepard kept Udina's warnings at the forefront of her mind.

"Hopefully, Cerberus and Solheim will not make themselves an issue for us. For now, Tali'Zorah, please keep your focus on the quarians—in addition to serving Commander Shepard on the Normandy. Should you speak with the admirals, do take care with them as well. Rannoch awaits once you are ready to depart. Make a report to the Council once your investigation has turned up enough results."

Tali promised, "I'll be sure to do so. Thank you again for the opportunity you've given me. I never imagined the Council would make a decision like this. Not after what my people did with the geth. We lost our embassy here on the Citadel after crossing certain lines with artificial intelligence laws. We're really not even a Council race anymore because of this. Making me a Spectre is a bold political move."

"Your background and accomplishments spoke for themselves. With Shepard putting your name forward, the decision itself was simple. You needn't concern yourself with the political ramifications. These will all work out in due time. Some may question you for your age, or the mere fact that you are a quarian. Not all of our Spectres are known for their brute force in combat—with the commander chiefly among them. Your strengths lie in your engineering expertise, your determination to get the job done, and your compassion for others. We only ask that you keep applying your strengths as a Spectre."

"I absolutely will. I wouldn't dream of doing anything less."

"Then I have every confidence your mission on Rannoch will succeed. I'm sure you'd like to go celebrate with the rest of your teammates. I won't keep you any longer. The three of you are dismissed."

Leaving Udina's office, Shepard brought us to the Spectre Office right across the hall. She seemed to move rather quickly. As if avoiding someone again. Someone else following her, obstinately so.

"Shepard. Human. Spectre status recognized. Tali'Zorah. Quarian. Spectre status recognized."

Irritated by that obstinacy, Shepard managed to calm herself enough. At least as she watched Tali take a look around the office. A few panels and monitors awaited along the far walls, including the main Spectre Terminal with details surrounding politics and security across the Citadel. A separate panel appeared to be the Spectre Requisitions shop—Tali and I had found a middleman to purchase Shepard's Black Widow from this very store, which ended up costing us more credits. Another door off to the side led to a shooting range for weapons firing practice, along with a workbench for modifying said weapons.

Tali joined Shepard alongside the main terminal, watching her navigate the menus there.

"So this is what the asari councilor talked about," noticed Tali. "When she told you to use this panel for the human refugees. All you have to do is read over the brief and make the authorization?"

"Yes, that's all I have to do," said Shepard, making the authorization now. "Citadel Control should start pointing the refugee transports to Thessia. From there, Asari High Command will make sure everyone gets to Labyrinthos first. We'll have to pay a visit to this dome city the next time we're in town."

"Definitely. You've never heard of Labyrinthos before, have you, Liara?"

"Not until recently," I supplied. "Otherwise I would have mentioned it, or suggested we visit sooner. Tevos described Labyrinthos as an 'artificial' city. Since it is underground, they must have some form of synthetic sunlight, like here on the Citadel. I'm imagining the libraries and other vaults of knowledge likely hidden down there. I can't wait to take a look once we arrive—after we visit Rannoch, of course."

Tali sighed in amazement. "I must be dreaming… The homeworld had always seemed so far away to me. Now it's actually within our reach! And there are secrets to discover! It's a shame Rannoch's been abandoned to time after our exodus three centuries ago. We could have made so much progress with our civilization if not for the war. Now that I know, I can't stop wondering about what could've been."

Then it occurred to me: "Commander, we will be traveling into the Perseus Veil. Will the Normandy need to use the stealth systems in order to sneak past the geth fleets? Won't we find many more hostile geth on Rannoch's surface? Surely they will get in the way of Tali's investigation, won't they?"

"…no," was all Shepard said.

"Really?" questioned Tali. "I almost forgot about that! The geth are bound to get in our way. Strange that the Council didn't mention it. Shepard, how are you convinced they won't be an issue?"

"Let's ask Legion about it later."

"Okay, but why won't you tell us now?"

Shepard avoided responding to her. Instead, she directed Tali's attention back to the Spectre terminal:

Quarian pilgrim Jen'Volan nar Neema on the Citadel received a large credit transfer from the Fleet. Jen'Volan purchased tech, including high-end weapon mounts and kinetic barrier emitters, from several ship service centers. On Illium, another quarian pilgrim, unidentified, was observed searching for a ship traveling "close to the Perseus Veil." The pilgrim was later heard saying that his Pilgrimage was recalled. Data suggests the quarian fleet is withdrawing its pilgrims and upgrading ships for combat somewhere near the Perseus Veil. This could be a reaction to the Reaper invasion, but no formal offer or request for assistance has come. Intel suggests the quarians may instead be preparing for conflict with the geth.

"That's…troubling," said Tali. "I can't remember the last time the Fleet recalled any Pilgrimages. Not outside of extreme emergencies. This is serious."

I asked her, "Do you believe everyone on the Flotilla supports the war? Or at least a large majority."

"It's difficult to say. If the Conclave and ship captains voted in favor, then it's possible. But there's still the regular civilians. If they do support it, it's probably because they're afraid. I don't think anyone actually wants to go to war—aside from people like Admiral Han'Gerrel or Admiral Xen. The Flotilla is falling apart. Everyone is desperate. It really does seem like war against the geth is their only option…"

"Tali, I'm sorry…"

"No, don't say that, Liara. This isn't over yet. I'll still do my best to reason with the admirals. If they won't listen, then that's that. I'll at least know I tried. Whatever's waiting for us on Rannoch seems to be more important. Maybe it can even help us solve this issue with the war. We'll just have to see."

Shepard had decided to check another terminal. On the screen there, she brought up a visual of the hallway outside the Spectre Office. There we found Bray pacing back and forth, his hand glued to the side of his head, pressing to his in-ear radio. We heard Aria's voice coming from his radio as well:

"Tell me you didn't lose her. Tell me you didn't fucking lose her, Bray."

"I can't tell you that, Aria!" snapped Bray, at his wit's end. "Better yet, I told you this was a stupid idea. Absolute shit. The commander wants nothing to do with you! Then you order us to go follow her?! Did you forget I'm a batarian? A batarian in the human embassies. If C-Sec finds me here, they'll throw my ass in jail for suspected terrorism! If they find out I'm stalking two Spectres, it's off with my head!"

"Your first mistake was thinking I give a damn about your opinions with this. Your second mistake was losing her. Shepard already told off everyone else. I need you to do this. I need eyes on her, now!"

"Well, then, you shouldn't have told me to go spy on a fucking infiltrator. Give it up, Aria. She's done."

Aria promptly hung up on him.

In no mood to deal with this, Bray left the area. He retrieved a cigarette from his pack and went outside.

"How predictable of her," I noted.

"Even if it is," groused Tali, "I still don't like it." Checking her omni-tool, she found Wrex's pings in the chat room. "Looks like Wrex is gathering everyone at Purgatory to celebrate. I've never been there before. Isn't it some kind of bar? Or a nightclub with dancing. Both, I suppose. Sounds like it'll be fun!"

Purgatory… "Shepard, isn't that where Aria is now?"

Shepard nodded in a stoic silence.

Tali worried, "Oh… If that's the case, you don't have to come with us. I know you'd rather not see her."

"I'll still go. I don't want to miss out on celebrating with you."

"Well, obviously I want you to come. You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," promised Shepard. "You're a Spectre now. It's a big deal. I'm really proud of you, Tali."

Flattered and pleased, Tali gave Shepard a hug of her own. As I smiled at them together, this question passed through me. I wondered if I could continue accepting this between them. This attraction, these feelings they shared for one another. Tali as Shepard's princess, always. Now things had changed. Now I wanted Shepard to make me hers. I knew Tali supported this; she supported me. She supported my relationship with Shepard one hundred percent. I understood quite well that Tali had no interest in a more…traditional relationship of her own. She had already found her own happiness, in her own ways.

When I thought of it that way, I supposed there wasn't a problem at all.

I never had to worry about Tali growing jealous of me. Even though I dealt with a great deal of jealousy, staying quiet as we left to Purgatory together. I needed to find my own peace with this situation. Now that we all had this freedom, I could come up with solutions. Effective solutions; creative solutions.

---

While on our way to Purgatory, we had spotted this change throughout the Citadel. The news about Tali's induction to the Spectres had spread across the entire station, from the Citadel Tower to the Presidium and down to the Wards. The first quarian Spectre and among the youngest inductees. The many news announcements we heard praised her accomplishments in saving the Council during the Battle at the Citadel, her tech expertise contributing to the success of the suicide mission, and in leading the engineering operations aboard the Normandy. We passed by several people discussing the news. Most of them sounded pleasantly surprised, discussing the political implications this would have for the quarian people—just as Shepard had opened many doors for humanity when she first became a Spectre.

Exiting this next elevator, we arrived to another section of the Presidium. Purgatory remained sectioned off in another area of the Citadel's inner-ring. Off to the side, the daylight of perfection passed us by: the usual traffic of the skycars passing between these all-white buildings, over the ring of the lake. On this side, Purgatory's VIP entrance shadowed in strong gradients of neon blues and pinks. Already we heard the welcoming bass of the club music pulsing out here, as a preview for inside. A number of people sat on the benches outside the entrance, discussing the news about Tali, or hobbling around drunk already.

Shepard led our way through, promising to pay for everyone's drinks. "Just put them on a tab. I'll take care of it." Affectionate in joy, Tali held onto Shepard's arm nearest to her, thanking her profusely.

I almost felt myself slowing down. Falling behind. If only to avoid this jealousy of mine.

Sensing my dilemma, Shepard wrapped her other arm around my waist. I smiled over her ease with me, her confidence. She kept this strength about her, leading Tali and me inside the club. We passed through this entranceway shaded with those same blues everywhere. Such a forced-state of cleanliness—the refinement of the Presidium—of these spotless walls, sanitized decorations, and carefully-controlled colors and lighting. Even as these drunk soldiers slurred to their friends or to no one at all, some sitting upon the floor with no hopes of getting back up any time soon. The C-Sec officers standing guard at the front door didn't seem to mind the drunkards. This all looked like a regular occurrence for them.

The VIP entrance brought us to a section elevated above the rest of Purgatory. A rounded city of exhilaration lived on down below, more levels and platforms wrapping around the central ring of the building. The stairs before us led to more bars and more dance floors up above, with the word Purgatory lit up by the club's logo. The people on those dance floors looked as mere shadows before the many bright lights. The asari dancers on the sides looked the same, as sexed silhouettes moving to the beat in exoticism. Purgatory gave off a pressure cooker of energy, primal and overbearing. As overbearing as this bass repeating itself deep in my chest, massaging my ribcage as mini-vibrations. Those people on the lower levels drank and danced together with such a need to forget. Those up here on the VIP floor did the same. Everyone except for our teammates who'd just arrived to the lower bar, ordering drinks.

Somewhere upstairs, I spotted Liselle at the other bar there. She sat on one of the stools, ignoring everyone dancing behind her. She looked utterly dejected. Had she lost her job as a commando? I had vaguely heard the news about her dishonorable discharge. Liselle had been in charge of guarding Shiala with her life. For her to lose her charge in Insomnia, in what must've been a dream—and then to learn about her mother's relationship ending. I could not blame Liselle for drinking her sorrows away by herself.

On the other hand, someone powerful had clearly protected Aria from the actual crime she had committed. The crime of deleting Shiala's entire existence from the cycle of life and death. I did not have to guess who this powerful person was.

Then I spotted Aria herself at the VIP lounge. She sat on a rounded, red couch there, largely removed from everyone else at the club. She had only her thugs and agents standing guard nearby. Of course I felt her energies focused over here. Specifically on Shepard walking along with Tali and me. Aria appeared hopeful, expectant. Always with that controlled image of hers. As if she believed Shepard would go and speak to her. And if they did not speak, then they could have something else together. Maybe having sex one last time. Really as more of a prelude to getting back in Shepard's good graces.

Yet Shepard's mind remained elsewhere. She didn't seem to notice her ex staring at her like this. Blocking Aria out as much as possible, Shepard continued on to the lower bar. Tali and I stopped in place, watching her go. We watched her disappear into the crowd of our teammates over there.

Tali simply gave me a look.

I agreed with her wordless wishes.

Together we walked over to Aria's spot in the VIP lounge. Spotting our arrival, Purgatory's guest of honor waved her hand as a signal. Her thugs made room for Tali and I to pass through. Aria did no more than this, however. Sitting on that couch with her heeled boot crossed over her knee, she said nothing at first. She refused to make eye contact with us. This extreme contrast of blue lighting against Aria's skin only brought out her subtle realities. The glare of shadows against her sharpened eyes. The general energy of this place practically lifting the feral markings from Aria's face—the face she tried so hard to save, even now. Even as Tali went up to her, sitting on the couch, intent on having this conversation.

Aria at last spoke in a leisurely chill, "Look who's here. I wasn't expecting visitors today."

Tali corrected her, "You mean you were only expecting one visitor. Not Liara or me."

Steaming in silence, Aria gave no response to that.

She instead shifted the subject, "I heard you became a Spectre. The news has rocked the entire Citadel. This certainly changes the game for your people. Congratulations are in order."

"Thank you, Aria."

Apparently, Tali and I had decided against mentioning the chat room drama. Aria had also decided—casually in her controlled ire—to not bring it up. Even as she continued avoiding eye contact, she seemed keen on getting us away—so that we would not discuss the drama at all.

"Well, what's new with you?" asked Tali, testing the waters.

Aria finally glared at her. "Is that supposed to be funny?"

"Not at all. I figured I would keep things friendly between us."

"Don't bother. If you have something to say to me, Tali, then be enough of a woman to say it."

Tali then made herself clear: "I want you to stop what you're doing. Sending your people to follow Shepard around everywhere. Even though you know she doesn't like it, you keep doing this to her."

Aria glowered, "That's none of your business. I also don't need you telling me what to do."

"It is my business. Shepard is my friend, and she's hurting right now. You're not making this any easier for her. Maybe if you would get rid of your ego for one moment, you'd see you aren't helping her. Or does it not matter that you've made her uncomfortable? Is this only about you and what you want?"

"You have some fucking nerve to come into my space and tell me how to live my own life."

"This isn't nerve, Aria," insisted Tali. "I'm only telling you the truth. Even if you don't like it."

Aria sneered in sarcasm, "God Save the Princess."

"This isn't about that, either. All I'm asking is for you to leave Shepard alone. She's done."

"Oh, that's where you're wrong. This is about that—and she isn't done. First of all, the only reason I haven't obliterated you from my sight is because of her. Because she cares about you so damn much. Second of all, you don't know her. Not like I do. There's just no way. No possible, conceivable way someone can lose their feelings the way she did. So suddenly—just like that. I refuse to accept it."

This sounded oddly familiar to me.

Tali reminded her, "Actually, it is possible. Shepard lost her feelings for Miranda quite quickly. You benefited from the situation. That's when she decided to be with you instead. Now you're on the other end of things and you don't know how to handle it."

Aria seemed convinced she mattered more than that.

Some kind of exception.

Perhaps she should have been by now. After everything she had done. And yet…

"Don't lecture me, Tali. I'm not in the mood."

"I know you're not. I'm still telling you the truth. Whether you want to accept it or not. So I'm only going to say this one last time. Leave Shepard alone. We're only here to celebrate my induction to the Spectres—this is not about you, about some second chance with her that doesn't exist. Don't send your people over to her, demanding that she speak with you. Stop ordering your thugs to stalk her around everywhere. Stop making her uncomfortable, making her angry. She's moving on. You need to let her."

"Really," challenged Aria. "And what will you do if I don't?"

Tali had the wisdom to say nothing in this moment.

She didn't need to say a word to prove her point.

Off on the other end, Shepard had emerged from the crowd at the bar. She stood in place over there. Glaring over this way, shadowed in the distance. Glaring in Aria's direction in a clear danger. The juxtaposition of Shepard's silent wrath and Tali's knowing silence threw Aria well off-balance. Tali, seemingly unprotected on these frontlines, backed up by the force of a thousand suns behind her. These next few seconds suddenly turned critical. If Aria even looked at Tali the wrong way, we knew. We knew exactly what would happen. Nothing would have stopped Shepard from retaliating. Not even the past.

Breaking eye contact, Aria admitted her own defeat.

For all of her denials and hurt feelings, she at least knew how to choose her battles.

Visibly enraged, holding it back, Aria sneered again, "We all had a fun ride together. It's a shame it had to end. You girls take care now."

Satisfied enough with that, Tali stood up to leave with me. Aria's thugs moved again for us to leave. I ensured Tali walked in front of me as she left, if only to protect her like this. We should have left. This should have been the end of it. But of course, Aria wouldn't allow that. She wouldn't allow us to leave like this. As if we had won. As if we had defeated her.

Aria shot her spiteful venom right against my back:

"You'll never be enough for her, either."

As I turned around, I briefly wondered if she had meant Tali instead.

No, she hadn't.

Because when I turned my head, I found Aria glaring at me. She seared her stare into my eyes. More and more as I refused to give her the same energy in return. Aria could never know what I knew. What I felt. How long and hard I had fought to reach this point in my life—for myself. This point where not even her hateful words could affect me. Soon enough she saw her venom had left me unfazed. She warped her stare into pure shock, not understanding. She couldn't understand how she had not damaged me, made me react; made me start crying on the spot. Maybe I would have long ago.

Eventually, Tali held my hand. She tugged my wrist along, needing us to get away from here. I followed her lead as we left together, joining Shepard with our teammates at the bar. We all celebrated together, drinking the night away. Some of us in more moderation than others. I stayed close to Shepard throughout the entire evening. All without fear. I enjoyed this relaxation about her, the two of us drinking Thessian wine together this time. As a preview, I hoped, for the time we would spend on Thessia at a later time—after we traveled to Rannoch.

This waiting also continued on and on.

Waiting for this time to pass; waiting, and measuring the essence of time itself as it went by.

Waiting for Shepard to be okay again, for her to ask me to be hers—completely this time.

Waiting in this purgatory of my own.

Waiting a minute for her love.