Requiem of the Goddess

by Yoshiyuki Ly

Goddess of mind, goddess of heart - closed-off without consent, She cannot flourish; unlocked to the universe in trust and control, She protects from all outside influences. Only one sits atop the throne of Shepard's subjectivity. Ashley/FemShep, Liara/FemShep. Miranda/FemShep, Aria/FemShep. Power plays, intense loves. Renegon Infiltrator FemShep. Spans the Mass Effect Trilogy.

77. Sur'Kesh - Belphegor, Sin of Sloth

"Iowa" by Slipknot

LXXVII. Sur'Kesh – Belphegor, Sin of Sloth

(Shepard)

After a wild night on Rannoch, my team and I left for the Normandy the next morning.

We took the shuttle back aboard the ship, with Cortez bringing us to the cargo hold. Everyone had their reactions after last night. Joker and Wrex couldn't stop grinning. EDI seemed more than amused in her smiles this morning. Kaidan, Garrus, and Jack had no idea how to react, settling on staying quiet throughout the ride. Legion kept its mechanical stoicism as always, though I sensed more of its attention on me than usual. Liara gave off an air of satisfaction as she sat next to me, while Tali gave the opposite. Less about last night and more about leaving Rannoch. Getting back to normal; having to wear her mask and helmet again. The end of her freedom for the time being.

I had no idea what came over me back at the hotel.

Watching Liara like that. Only for Tali to come in, joining her. Seeing them together had transformed me.

The loss of control still haunted me, even now. Knowing what I'd turned into.

Especially knowing that wasn't the end, the last of it. Liara could've pushed me even further.

Something of her vibes today gave away her intentions to do just that.

Once we touched down, my team gathered with me in the shuttle bay. Traynor and Samara hadn't left to Rannoch at all, so I knew they were already aboard the ship. I spoke to everyone else in my vicinity:

"We had a nice break on the Citadel and Rannoch. It's time to continue the mission. We're heading to an STG base on Sur'Kesh. We'll meet up with Wrex's contact and transport their fertile krogan females to our ship. Whenever the salarians are ready to deploy the cure, we'll head over to Tuchanka and make sure everything goes smoothly. Somewhere in between that time, I expect we'll head to Thessia for the holidays. Christmas before Janiris on New Year's Day. That'll be our next break to look forward to."

For some reason, most of the team exchanged suspicious smiles at my mention of Christmas.

Were they planning something already?

Pretending not to notice, I continued, "I also expect the Reapers to cause trouble for us. If not on Thessia just yet, then absolutely on Sur'Kesh and Tuchanka. EDI, do we have any readings on Belphegor approaching the salarian homeworld? That's the name of the devil ship targeting the salarians."

"Not yet," supplied EDI. "Sur'Kesh remains free of Reaper activity for the time being. I will continue monitoring relevant data from the war room. I will alert you if there are any changes during the flight."

"Understood. Since we're traveling from the Perseus Veil, this will be a long flight. It'll take us several hours to get to our destination. Spend the time however you want. Just keep in mind: the salarians aren't prepared for the Reapers. They aren't built for total war. Not like the turians. We can't expect the same support we had on Palaven. So be ready for anything. Joker, set a course for Sur'Kesh."

"You got it, Commander!" answered Joker.

"Everyone, dismissed."

Salutes and other formal acknowledgments: my team made their way to the elevator, leaving the area.

Everyone except for Liara again.

The two of us alone in the cargo hold again.

We both looked to one another, mindful of this energy between us.

We had time.

"Commander," said Liara, regarding me in curiosity. "Are you hungry? You didn't eat breakfast before we left the hotel. You were too busy coordinating our departure with Lieutenant Cortez earlier."

"Yeah, I should eat something. I'll head up to the kitchen now."

"Do you mind if I join you? Perhaps I could cook for you again."

Liara's curiosity had eclipsed her stare.

There within the shadows, I found her truest intentions.

This feeling in the air:

Liara had something she needed to show me. Something she needed to share with me. Something only possible now with our masks off. Having started this momentum last night, Liara wanted us to continue. She had every intention of seeing this through. But only if I allowed it. Only if I wanted the same. And I did. I felt the reality, the necessity of it all. I needed to see this. I needed to know if I could handle her.

Handling Liara at her worst.

Handling myself at my worst, too.

"I'd like that, babe. Thank you."

As I held Liara's hand, leaving to the kitchen with her, we both shared in this understanding.

We both needed this preview. This preview of how things would be with us in the future.

Even then, the vibes between us reeked of impatience. Such a huge mess of unfinished business we had.

In the mess hall, Liara instructed me to sit at the table. The empty table with all these empty chairs. The broader space of the entire crew deck. Everyone had retreated to their rooms in the crew's quarters. Even Dr. Chakwas had stayed in her room instead of working in the med bay as usual. Listening to the sizzling of the pan as Liara cooked, I sensed this intentional space. How the Normandy itself seemed to give us this freedom on purpose. This time and these moments together. Just Liara with me. Just the two of us alone, with the allure of these smells—the simplicity of a regular American breakfast. Almost like being back home again. Almost like back to normal again with Earth free of the Reapers.

I watched Liara the whole time.

Her every movement, her every flow.

Every time she turned to glance at me, smiling just so, she filled my imagination with possibilities.

Such a thoughtful beauty about her. Understated and intelligent. Bright and hopeful. Dark and eternal.

Once Liara brought me my plate, I expected she would sit next to me.

Instead, she stood behind me. Liara draped her arms down my shoulders, my chest. She pressed her chest against my back, adoring. No qualms at all about listening to me eat like this. Liara nestled the side of her face against mine. She enjoyed me enjoying her cooking. Every light scrape of my fork against my teeth, taking this food into my mouth. Every chew, every swallow from me. Liara listened and listened. Her breaths deepened with each detail. She was the one feeding me, after all. She was the one sustaining me. Taking care of me. She had a vested interest in making sure I absorbed every nutrient.

This laser-sharp focus from her heated right between me.

Anyone else, I would've told them to stop. I would've freaked out. I would've pushed them away.

Not Liara.

Not with her breathing in my ear like this, possessing me. Obsessing over me. Finessing this normalcy.

"Do you like it?" she asked after a while. As if she forgot to ask earlier, enthralled by her fascinations.

I nodded in my enjoyment, eating more.

Liara reached her hand up, stroking my hair. All while she kept our faces pressed together in affection. More affection from her touch. From the way she admired me all the way down. So ethereal like this.

"Do you like the rest?" she specified, pressing her lips to my temple. "Everything else, I mean. I'm not bothering you, am I, Shepard?"

Swallowing first, an empty mouth for now. "Liara. You won't bother me if you let me bother you."

Suddenly, this kicking of her heartbeats against my back. Near-drilling between my shoulder and my spine. The slope of her breasts beneath her lab coat as this extra warmth, holding those beats of hers. Liara barely contained herself. She sighed, and shifted her weight, and stroked my hair even more.

Containing herself nonetheless, she reminded me: "Shepard, if you ever do want me to stop, for any reason…then say the words. Just use our safe word. I will do as you wish immediately. I promise."

"The same goes for you. I hope you know that."

"Yes, I know. There's a reason I am saying this now. Hopefully an obvious reason."

"It is obvious," I reassured her. "But are you sure? You're sure you want to do this now? Today?"

"I am sure," replied Liara. "It is as you said. Anything could happen later on Sur'Kesh. I don't want us to have any regrets. I am more than willing to continue from where we left off last night. Are you?"

"Yeah, I want this for us. I feel like…I need to see the rest. I have to know how this goes with you. I need to know if this feels right. Feeling safe in unsafety with you."

"Then I won't hold back. I hope you'll do the same. Give me the same energy I've saved for you."

As I finished eating, Liara had my promise.

We agreed to do this. To take this chance. Not to fall back into something with each other. But to make sure. We both needed this. And then I would ask Liara to be with me once I was ready. For now, we gave in to this preview. So I held Liara's hand again, bringing her up to my room with me. This tension, anticipation thrummed through us, back and forth; throbbing and lengthening and hardening.

---

Subservience.

I opened the door for Liara to enter first to my private cabin. Arriving to my room, she looked around, though not in the same way she had the other day. The other day, Liara hadn't taken full stock of her surroundings, focused more on gentler concerns at the time. This time, she took everything in. This time, I watched her observations, making my way over to the bathroom door. I needed to get myself ready for this. Even last night, Liara had caught me off-guard, coming into my room the way she did…

Reading me, she asked, "Do you need to wash up first, Shepard?"

"Yes. If you don't mind."

"Not at all. Would you mind if I took a look around your room some more? Inspecting. You said you did some spring cleaning the other day. I'd like to see how thorough you were. If the past is gone."

The past—anyone else other than her.

"I don't mind, babe," I told her. "Help yourself to a drink if you'd like. Whatever you want."

"Thank you. Just one more thing. While you're in there, I hope you'll put one on for me. Not too thick."

The implications, the reminder.

I stopped breathing.

Liara eyed me in intrigue, adding, "I'd like for you to make a mess inside of me. Claim me. Finally."

I nodded in another drugged daze, reminding me too much of last night.

Then I slipped inside the bathroom.

Alone in this steeled room.

Just enough room to move around. To do the bare minimum. Brushing my teeth, always with this same flavor, of an artificial cinnamon to remind me of my humanity. Humanity as like with anyone else. Depravity as with anyone else. How I felt myself coiling with this feeling. Barely hearing Liara's soft footsteps outside my door, out in my room. Inspecting everything. Inspecting my belongings. Inspecting my space; making sure I'd expunged everything and everyone else from the area. Liara didn't want anyone interrupting us. No memories. No reminders. No other claims to her as my throne. This lawful tyrant of me, and I couldn't stop myself from reacting to this lawlessness. Of my inhibitions rebelling against me. Actual rawness, rowdy and hidden for the moment. Close to breaking out. Close to shattering this controlled pasture I'd walked along for so long. Perfectly trimmed grass. Perfectly paved walkways. Always the one way. Always the perfect way. Always the planned way. No more of that now.

Wanting Liara as a woman and needing her as mine.

Intoxicated on Liara's words, her wishes, I did as she asked. I found a new length. The requested thickness. Too many thoughts I'd had to shove down before. Shoving them and shoving them away. Hiding them and stowing them and smuggling them across my mind, from point to point, as these forbidden packages as contraband of my wants. Lingering for so many years. Disallowed before with others, claiming to them that I was over her. Over her and over her, yet if I'd allowed myself to sleep more often, to dream, I would have remembered. I would have dreamed of exactly this moment: flattening my chest with this binder, as a tight, crop top tank top for this illusory appearance. The crisscrossing of lined fabric over my back, as tattoos of disallowances, not allowed, not allowed. Not allowed to think about this for so long. Pushing it down, pushing it away again. Almost like hiding this package again, too, and flattening it. Tightness of my boxer briefs, and Liara's requested strap of me stayed in place beneath the fabric, obeying for the time being. So boyish and not. Feminine and not.

Neither one. Nothing. Both or one or none at all.

As I finished the last of what I needed to do, I felt Liara some more. I felt her out there. That aura of hers. Controlling the space around her. Controlling my room to bend around her wishes. Again I felt this fear. This temptation to isolate myself from her. I could've run away. I could've avoided her. Always this fear of the unknown. Fear of getting too attached to Liara. For real this time. Not even before of past failures, hurts, pain. Because I knew the intensity, the potential. I knew how badly she needed me.

Both of us, consenting adults. This was private. Between us. No one else had to know what we got up to.

When I stepped out the bathroom, the cold of the floor nearly froze over my bare footsteps.

The cold itself dissolved once I found Liara standing at my desk, paces away from me.

The light swing of her hips in curiosity as she stood there. First having observed my model ships, then turning around to find me. And before that, this surprise. Throbbing between me already: this sight of her, the freedom of Liara's skin. The black of her bra. Closer and closer as she inched near to me. I clenched my hands, and tensed them, and wrenched them, trying not to reach down. Trying not to reach out and touch her hips, the other black fabric covering, teasing in that perfect, thin shape.

But even from here as Liara gazed up at me, I smelled her.

I smelled the heat of her, the budding release of her. How she craved this end of my self-control.

Liara's gaze soon turned to observation. Her observation soon turned to scrutiny, inspecting me next.

Liara held my chin, moving my head this way and that as she would a test subject. Dissecting me in a lab.

"Everything looks normal," she noted, pressing up against me more. "No bite marks or scratches I don't remember from before. Just the vague scar over your brow—from the injuries you suffered on the Purgatory ship while recruiting Jack." Liara smiled in her satisfaction again, feeling me hardening against her, slow and steady, growing. Even more as she ran her hands down my torso, undulating her palm and fingertips down my abs. The lengths of her fingers only teased along the band of my briefs. "Although, this might be new. This feeling of you. Rock-hard. You never really allowed me to touch you before."

Softness of her hands, hardness of me. "Aside from something like…a back massage, I never let anyone touch me. It didn't—it didn't feel right. I guess I didn't want to give them the wrong idea about me."

"I know you aren't a switch, Shepard. Not physically. You are not submissive. Is that what you mean?"

"Yes, I'm not built like that. I'm pretty or whatever, so people will want me a certain way. I don't like it."

Liara promised me, "I have no illusions about that." And still she touched me. Still she gave me this gentleness of her hands, holding this firmness of my form, so fit compared to her. "I only hope you don't mind this. Or better yet, that you enjoy it. It's my way of admiring you. How deathly attractive you are." The direction Liara touched me from, from beneath me, as submissive to me in physicality, kept me heated and heaving for breath. "I need to touch you like this. At least…some of the time. Is this okay?"

Steadily distracted by her intentions, I made myself respond, "It's more than okay, babe. Don't worry."

"That's a relief. Speaking of how you are built—" Liara canted her head back, glancing at my model ships. "You've had a fondness for these for quite some time. Did you put them together yourself?"

I laughed. "No, I wish. I always wanted to learn how as a hobby. I just never sat down; took the time."

Liara hummed in consideration. She tucked the information away for safekeeping.

So seamless as she did this, Liara wouldn't let me go. She wouldn't let me look away from her. These next few seconds, she spotted this in me. My thoughts. My fears. My temptations to avoid this. The idleness I could've faced instead, running away from her in my solitude. Never wanting to breach my peace of mind for this challenge. This intensity from her, matching my own. How she couldn't keep her hands off of me, admiring the small of my back now. The rounded muscle just along the base of my spine. How I had tensed these muscles without realizing. Only for Liara's touch to relax them down.

"That would have been easier, wouldn't it?" she wondered. "Choosing a safer path. Sloth and sin."

"It really would have been the easiest thing for me."

"Well, we're past that now. I'm not letting you run away from this anymore. Come to bed with me."

Possessed by her, obsessed with her, Liara pulled me along by my hand.

She walked in front of me. She gave me this next preview, this show. She let me admire this view of her from behind. The way she moved as she walked. The shape of Liara's body, so much shorter and smaller than me. The fine angles her back made down to the cut of her hips. Her perfect posture. Her teasing in glancing back at me from over her shoulder, the sparkling blue of her eyes alight in this lightlessness.

When Liara stopped beside my bed, it was only for a moment.

I leaned into the moment, leaning into her.

Right up against her, right at her back. Liara leaned into my touch and my hold. The perfect compliment from me to her—of how hard I still was, pressed behind her, more and more. I curled myself down to her, kissing this delicate warmth of Liara's neck, her luscious skin. The softest incline of her, lengthening and turning and twisting into my lips. The way she sounded, this release of her. Like leaning back into the most indulgent bath, or a sauna, yet still standing. Standing here in my arms where she belonged.

Liara reached her hand back. Up and around to me. Right to the back of my head, running through my hair. How she controlled me, moving me with this unintended precision. I closed my eyes, moving into her movements of me. Whatever she wanted. Whatever she needed. Liara gave me this extra compliment right back. This breezy scent of her. The shore of an ocean. The water, the flow, the winds. This smell of her evoking feelings from the past. Evocative as nostalgia, evoking, invocations:

"I love you," from me, whispering and pressing this down her neck, down to her shoulder.

Liara nearly lost her breath, shuddering against me.

"Say it again," she breathed, as breaths found and lost again moments later. I found them as my own, steamed and broiled in my chest and my stomach, wafting as one feeling and aroma, incensed for her. This same feeling. This same feeling I could never, ever forget or run away from. Always for her, always.

"I love you, Liara."

So much harder. Her inhales, exhales. Her emotion. Liara could have passed out from this hit of ecstasy.

Not just from the words.

Liara felt my every meaning.

I lay her down on the bed. Already she had moved the blanket aside. Already open to the smoother comfort of the sheets. Liara settled her head down over the pillows. She closed her eyes, finding her surroundings again. Here in my bed again. My first. Too many roadblocks between us since then. I had battered her along those roads, blocking her and breaking her. Leaving her as that blue decay, so cold.

I moved on top of her. Over Liara, over the bed. I gave her this time to breathe. Catching her breath.

Weakened like this, Liara leaned into her state of mind. She wanted to be this for me. Praying for prey.

Kneeling here, just beside Liara's legs lengthened next to me, I watched her.

Harder and harder my eyes focused on her. Honing in. Watching her, watching her. I stared at her bra for a while. Hardness of her own there, keeping my attention a little too well. The rising and falling of her ribcage as she breathed, still steadying herself. The bones of her stuck out, jutting and curving down, sticking to her skin. I should've noticed something like this when she'd shocked me before, giving me that treat on the beach back home. That reveal of her body in her two-piece. Or even the forbidden time we'd spent in her room a few weeks ago. She might've had these same signs back then. I just hadn't noticed at the time. I hadn't inspected her for myself. Liara hadn't been eating regularly. Not as much as she should have. Even for an asari. Depression, despair because of me before. Maybe suicidal. Maybe…

Leaning over her, I reached out to Liara. I reached down to touch her. Her chest first. I held her inhalations, her exhalations in my hand. Against my palm. Liara's heartbeats punched against my palm, throbbing out along the fan of my fingers over her skin. I felt the same in heat, rounding my hand over this cup of her bra. Her other one, too. I wanted to touch her breasts like this. I wanted to make her sound like this. Quiet in her quaking, eyes closed. The perfect size of her. She fit right in my hand. Kneading, softly, softly. Any direction I fondled her, Liara moved with me. Caught up in the moment. Softer and softer. Weaker and weaker. She spread her legs open for me without meaning to.

I touched her more. Down the story of her ribcage, down to her waist. Measuring her flesh with my hand. The back of my hand, the veins snaking beneath my skin. The flex of my knuckles angling and shadowing down. The color of my skin over the color of hers. The contrast. The pigmentation, precise.

Playing with Liara's century.

Playing with this third of mine.

I smoothed the pads of my fingers along Liara's waist. This thin, black fabric separating us. This sound of my skin, my touch rubbing along the elastic band wrapping around her. This smell of her, so acute from here. Pungent in sweetness. Thickening and thickening. She had been thinking about me. Even before this moment. I touched down to her thigh. Slick and slippery, viscous, extreme. I could have pulled my hand away like pulling out of a beehive—honey everywhere, but without the sticking. No stinging, either. More as…something I wasn't supposed to do. Something I wasn't supposed to enjoy. Taking advantage. I smiled at this sense anyway. Doing this. I had been watching Liara without meaning to. For a long time. Well-beyond my conscious perception. Though it took me a while, I did manage to wake up.

Liara opened her eyes. So wide and innocent, lusting for me all the same. She'd pulled this out of me.

She knew exactly what this was.

What I meant. What I felt.

She saw it in my stare, and she writhed more. She moaned more, wanting me. Wanting so much more.

I had to ask her, "Why do you like this?"

"Because…it's mine," she said. "And I'm the one giving it to you. You get to take it however you want."

"However I want?"

"Yes… I'm yours, Shepard. I want you to take me. Give me everything you have. Your real truth."

Something of Liara's tone brought up questions.

I leaned over her more. Liara took her bra off. She tossed it aside, tossed it away. She slipped off her underwear, too, bringing her knees to her chest for the last. Fabric kissing her skin on the way off.

As she settled beneath me again, Liara couldn't meet my eyes. The truth. The truth of my reactions. How I felt back then. The anger, the hurt. The betrayal, almost. What she did by lying to me. Keeping secrets from me. Almost killing someone who wasn't right for me, but I hadn't known it at the time. Covering it up, covering it up. Their rivalry. Not the worst of it. The silence from Liara's end. What she should have told me. What she should have done. I should've been over it. Watching this remorse bubbling in Liara's eyes, I realized the worst of it. Other people didn't matter for this. Just the two of us. Just Liara with me.

This fucking mystery of her meaning.

How special she was to me.

How I couldn't let her go. How I couldn't forget her.

I had tried so hard. Or I hadn't tried at all. I had convinced myself that was it. No more. Done.

Burying her hadn't done anything. All it made me do was dig her up again. Digging this back up again.

Liara whispered, "I'm sorry."

She sniffled, crying a bit. So fragile. Those streams fell down the corners of her eyes. Just from watching me over her. Watching me steam like this. Stewing, boiling.

"Sorry for what?"

"For lying to you. Keeping so much from you. I hurt you terribly. We both apologized to one another before. We thought we were over it. Being back in your room like this, underneath you… I don't know."

I sharpened my stare, scrutinizing her. "You don't know what, Liara?"

"Back then, I always wished I could confess to you. Telling you the truth. Even knowing how upset you would be. Even knowing how angry you would be with me. I hoped you would just…just… Forgive me."

In aggression.

Making up, getting back together again.

Even she knew back then that I'd forgive her. Every time. Every fucking time, well-beyond my free will.

And then I smelled her again. I smelled her more, with Liara sniffling thickly now. These tears slipping down her face. She wanted my forgiveness. She needed it. She needed to be such a good girl for me.

I leaned down to her, taking these tears from her face into my mouth. I wanted Liara to feel safe with me. And she did. So safe that she wrapped her arms around my back, gripping on to me. Shadowing over her, I felt these old fantasies she'd imagined long ago. Telling me the truth. Confessing all. Knowing I would forgive her, and that I would do this. Knowing that I would've dropped everything to get back with her, after finally having that one thing. Her honesty. Her totality. Her complete vulnerability, like now. Now, touching down her body again, feeling every spasm from her breaths, her shaking. My rebellions made me grip her. Rebelling against the obvious. Rebelling against Liara's power over me, however futile. This power she'd always had. This exception to my every rule, distorting my reality.

Still endlessly apologetic, Liara gazed into my eyes. Fearless in her fear, she refused to look away, even as she trembled beneath me. Touching back down to her cravings, I fingered her in this helplessness of my own. Helpless to stop. Helpless to this red blushing through Liara's face. Helpless to her every sound, her every movement moving from my own. Curling two of mine inside of her, this tightness tempted the hell out of me. She wrapped around my fingers, clinging. Clinging, and needing me to shape her like this.

Intoxicated by her again, I breathed over her lips, "Why did it have to be you?"

Liara couldn't answer me. Not as I kept reaching higher and higher into her, distending her pulsing around me. Only this limit of my ring finger and smallest finger as a stopgap, pressing right up against her. So fucking wet. Drenching my entire hand down to my wrist. She couldn't stop needing me like this.

Menacing more, I had to know, "Why are you such an exception for me, Liara? You made my life a living hell behind my back. You lied to me. You kept shit from me. You almost killed the person I was with at the time—even if it was for a good reason. You've done everything I can't stand. Everything everyone else did to me. So why the fuck can't I resist you? Why can't I just thrive on my own without you?"

Driving me insane, Liara held me more. She gripped me more. She pulled me down, nestling my head, my face along her neck, her shoulder. Blinded in her shadows, I blinked against the hard smoothness of her collar bone, at once firm and flimsy as a twig, ready to snap at any moment. This novelty of my fingers inside of her, pre-fucking, had already driven her mind far away. She spread her legs open even wider. She held me even harder, not wanting to let me go. Liara did this, knowing how it affected me. She heard my grunts, how I barely controlled myself; how I couldn't keep controlling myself any longer. She thrived on this exceptionalism of hers. She lived and breathed this as her identity, so special to me.

Liara knew she could beg and plead for more, and so she did.

She knew she could do it, because of this feeling between us. This sense.

This sense that I could run away from her all I wanted, but I couldn't escape. I could never escape her hold around me. Not in this transcendent state, protecting myself. Especially not as she held me now.

My instincts led me to individualism. Independence.

I wanted to be alone. I wanted to do everything on my own. I didn't want to have to rely on anyone. I didn't want to need anyone. Being on my own meant I didn't risk anything. I didn't risk my mind fracturing over losing someone, anyone. Losing the person I depended on. No. I just wanted it to be me.

But then I looked at Liara underneath me, so precious and loving and dedicated to me, and I…

I hated myself for walking away from her before.

I despised myself for leaving her unprotected, depressed and suicidal without me.

I raged internally over these contradictions flashing through me: one to the next and one to the next.

Furious as this wellspring sprung up from so far down. Deep down and deeper still. Internal rage and anger and confusion and madness. Subservient again, subordinate again, I pulled my hand out from between her. Liara whined in protest—writhing around, needing me—and she drugged me all over again. I placed myself right between Liara's legs, pressing my waist into her. This opening from her, wet and wanting, I couldn't resist. Even at this maximum voltage from me, ready to explode at any second.

An abundance of natural lube from her, I didn't have to worry about any tearing, over-stretching.

I hiked her thighs around me and went all-in.

I thrust into her with this pent-up rage. So many confusing passions, of all I'd held back for years. Years through life and death since I'd met her, since I fell for Liara and this mystical power she held over me. Thrusting, pounding, rising; echoing everything I felt into her body, down to her bones as Liara shuddered beneath me. She subjugated me with every sound she made. She chained me down; revved me up. She made me fuck her out of my control. The one thing I cherished of myself, ripped away.

Ripped away and torn asunder, exactly as I did to her right now. Reality and consciousness, not a dream.

This painful reaction, sweating and holding me tight as she screamed my name. Forcing through this tightness of her. Forcing through this shape of me, endlessly hard and prying and territorial. I carved myself through to Liara and she needed more. I took her with this purpose—never mindless, never artless—rolling my hips into this madness. Not just some random fuck. I gave her this creativity of mine. The best thrusts, the best movements: everything as the best for her, only her. The pinnacle, the reason for her patience, waiting for me. No one else would've been able to turn her out like I did. No one.

Bloodwhetting over my back, Liara's already-short nails had dug into me, breaking my skin.

Leaning into the pain, I smirked against her neck.

Fucking this forgiveness out; embracing it:

"This is what you wanted, isn't it?" I asked her, still going. "For me to fuck you like this? Taking everything out on you?" She moaned out her only answer is yes. Yes and yes, over and over. Her privilege. Her power over me. The one thing no one else had, she coveted as her holy treasure. "You know—I never forget, and I never forgive—not all the way. Not all the way. If I'm done with someone, then I'm done. They don't exist anymore!"

She got off to my struggling, reaching ever-higher. Almost there, almost there.

Even so, I focused on Liara. I found this spot of hers, so indistinct to describe. Friction against me, from this specific part of me strapped on, and she had lost her mind, too. I loved her and hated my fixations, needing to please her like this after so long. These fumes resonating in my heart, I couldn't stand them.

I repeated in this raging, "Just you, babe. Only you. You and this persistent hold on me." Insult to injury. Liara held me even harder, so far-gone from everything I gave her. Hatred, co-dependence, and rage seared out of my throat—"Why, goddamnit?! Why can't I just be without you? Alone! FUCKING WHY?!"

Not sorry at all, Liara repeated her whining, "I'm sorry, Shepard. I'm so sorry," over and over, pulling me in. Not only with her arms. Her hold around me, between us both. Her tightness seized me, and her whole body shook from everything. Every fucking thing! Every thrust I gave her, unrelenting. Sincerity and ecstasy both in her emotions. Visceral. Helpless in her cadence of her apologies, over and over and over, submitting to me. Giving into my authority, my power over her. Depraved and psychotic.

Shattering in sound, mind fracturing, Liara fully got off, coming in this rise, this release, this resurrection.

She smiled underneath me, too.

She smiled in these shadows from my form over her, still fucking her, still going as I throbbed, pulsed.

Liara smiled, because she knew she had me. She knew…she could get away with murder. I still loved her.

Enslaved by her, she pulled this out of me. This release of my own. This struggle to comprehend. These exceptions from her, branding my skin red down to my back in pure heat. I couldn't understand her; I couldn't understand any of this, and my emotions took over. Kneeling before her in metaphor, filling her up. This warm, soaking mess; shooting this stream; claiming her like this after so long. She pulled more out the more she pulled me in. Deep inside and well outside around me, holding me closer than close.

Time passed, somewhere…

More time as Liara whispered her devotion in my ear.

Even more as she situated us both. She moved around my exhaustion, needing to do this.

I somehow ended up face down over my bed. Enveloped in this warmth from Liara's body. This residue of her sweat, her skin, her suffering for me before this surrealism. So surreal as Liara sat up next to me, her legs pulled closely by her side. The calming sound of her omni-tool activating: she applied medi-gel to these spots over my back. The spots she had cut and dug into with her nails. Then Liara leaned down, kissing this healing over my skin. The brush of her lips over me. Her pressing love. I shuddered in chills.

Those scars of hers belonged to me, too. Seen and unseen.

All my fault.

Liara smoothed her hands over my back for a while longer.

She put her weight into these movements, kneading and massaging. Exhausted, I groaned from this overload of her touch. A woman's touch. Specifically hers. Absolute softness from her fingertips down to her palms. She revered me. She worshipped me in this simplicity. She couldn't get enough of me, adoring everything I had just given her moments before. Right between my legs, caught by the cotton of my boxer briefs and the other of my sheets, I hardened back up. Extending, thickening. I needed to be inside of her again. I needed to please her again. I needed to give her this winded fever of mine, again.

"Liara…"

That little smile in her voice: "Shepard."

"I meant what I said, you know. I'm…pissed off. I don't—I don't understand you."

"You don't need to understand me," she said, massaging more. "This is what it is. Can you accept it?"

"I've already accepted it, babe. It just…keeps throwing me off. You do."

"Why? Because I pulled this out of you?"

"Yes…"

Liara laughed, so pleased with herself. "And I'm the only one who can do this to you. As I should be."

This clammy feeling of her sweaty palms along my bare shoulders:

Hauling me, lugging me, Liara turned me over on my back. All of my weight settled in this new spot.

Immediately I picked up on this smell in the room. Rawness of sex and hormones. The familiar smell of Liara's scent mixed with my own in this newness, this innovation over time. Not even seconds later did Liara lean down to me. Clasping her lips to mine, impassioned. I couldn't keep up with her emotions, spiraling in my own. Smiling into this, into me, Liara gave me her satisfaction. The start of this new obsession. I felt it in her smile, in her meaning. How much she'd enjoyed me. How much I had opened her, opening her eyes, opening her mind to my need to please her. Liara reached down. Right down between me, finding this curved bend brushing along my abs. Veined and pulsing for her, throbbing again, I felt the last of my power leaving me. It left the moment Liara wrapped her hand around me. The precision of her touch, the exact shapes of her fingers, folding and unfolding. Stroking and stroking.

Liara murmured into my mouth, "You're very good, Shepard. You know exactly how to please whoever you're with. But you have to know I want more than that. I need so much more with you." Hiking her leg up, Liara settled herself on top of me. She mounted my waist, drenching me in her. Slow and steady, she kept me still with her hand: sliding me inside of her, sliding her body back down. Even just her sighs overloaded me. "I can't get enough of you. Not now, not ever. Do you think you can keep up?"

Clenching around me again, so hot and wet, I couldn't answer her. She surrounded me like a sauna of flesh, exclusive to her in this feeling. Just her. Her essence in intimacy. The pressure of her lingering tightness—she cut off the circulation of my thoughts. Thoughtless and wanting, I couldn't control myself anymore. Liara had fully taken the reigns. I watched her ride me, pressing her palms down to my hips, holding on. These back and forth motions of her hips, circular even on an even plane of me. Endless.

She stared right into my eyes, too.

No fear. No shyness. Just this command she had seized over me. How many times had she dreamed about this? How many times had she lived this before I brought her back? Liara gave me that experience of hers right back, riding me like this. I gripped her hips, needing to hold on to her somehow. She pressed her palms along the backs of my hands, tightening. Tightening around me again, too. She wouldn't let me think. She wouldn't let me breathe unless I kept eye contact with her. She found my awe of her, staring and gazing in my helplessness before her. The way she moved, the way she claimed me in this roundabout, backward sense, skewering my expectations. She sounded so divine.

I heard her that much clearer, closer once she leaned down.

Liara doubled over me, this squeeze of her breasts pressed over my chest.

She held my shoulder, and then my neck. My breathing picked up; she leveraged herself on my shoulder, specifically. Holding my neck only as a sentiment. Only to darken her stare, darken her meaning for me.

Liara spoke right in my face, rhythmed as she rode me. "You're the one who did this to me, Shepard. I fell for you and I couldn't get away. You fucked me up. So I expect you to take care of me from now on." I rocked my hips up, gaining this leverage as my only promise. Taking care of her, I gave Liara my obsessions. I thrust into her from beneath her. I lost myself in her voice, thundering of me: "I'm never letting you go. Never. I'll chase you…to the ends of the universe if I have to. You belong to me. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I exhaled, heavy in heat; fucking her harder. "Yes, I understand."

I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop.

Liara belittled herself in her reactions. Always to pull this insanity out of me.

She smiled in regality, again, knowing she had me. Knowing I couldn't stop. I couldn't control myself anymore, just fucking her over and over again. Heartbeats pounding all the way down from my chest, down everywhere in me, I could not stop. Only after I shot inside of her again, and only for a moment. Only a cooldown before I got back on top of her, doing this again and again and again. This struggle from me, these sounds of mine, like trying and lifting and toiling and working, working, working. Sweat drenching, inhibitions drowned to the bottom of the sea. Liara put me to work for her—and all she had to do was keep her legs open. All she had to do was spread them wider on occasion, wielding this over me. All she had to do was sound this weak and needy and pleased, and she had me. She made me do anything for her. So capable, rubbing my arms and my shoulders in awe of my strength for her. That sense pulled me right back every time, giving her more.

---

Longer hours, unending.

I had exhausted Liara, tiring her out eventually.

And eventually she fell asleep. Deep breathing, undisturbed. Endless peace in her exhaustion. Here in my arms I held her, but not without worry. The mission slipped back into my mind. EDI hadn't alerted me to any changes with Sur'Kesh. This bad feeling pricked at the back of my mind anyway.

Quietly, I untangled myself from Liara without waking her. Tucking her in some more, I settled her in this lock of heat between the sheets, still filled with the memories of our hours together. I smoothed my hand along the edges of her scalp. This softer blue of the crown over her head, gradually darkening to a deeper blue, farther down her crests. I settled my lips over the warmth of her head, listening to her. Feeling her every breath physically echo into my mouth. I felt our synergy, our synastry. Everything.

As I left to my bathroom, jumping in the shower and getting dressed, I felt this so much deeper.

Instead of fighting against this feeling, I let it guide me instead.

As this first guidance, I sent Liara a message, just to let her know where I would be.

As this next guidance, I made my way to the war room. An unusual quiet had settled through the Normandy. Anxious, anticipating. The same way I felt now. My analyst crew working in the war room focused on their work, practically stuck to the screens and data at their fingertips. At the center island down the steps, I found a similar story: EDI and Specialist Traynor pored over the feeds in front of them. They didn't notice me approaching. Not Traynor, anyway. EDI looked up from her work to smile at me.

"Hello, Shepard," she said. "I am surprised to see you. I thought you would have waited to receive an alert about Sur'Kesh."

"Commander!" exclaimed Traynor, hurrying to salute me. Out of breath, she sounded terrified: "So sorry, didn't see you there! Or hear you! I really should have listened to Joker's warnings about this…"

"At ease, Specialist," I told her. "I'm not going to throw you off the ship."

I made sustained eye contact with Traynor as I spoke. My way of signaling to her that I wasn't a threat.

She smiled at me in understanding—a sudden boost of morale.

Back to business, I wanted to know, "Do we have any readings on the enemy?"

"None," confirmed EDI, "Which is troubling. It is unclear if the Reapers intend on ignoring the salarian homeworld completely. Or if they have other objectives."

Traynor explained, "Then again, once we do get a read on the enemy, it'll likely be too late. By the time our long-range scanners have found them, it means the Reapers are just minutes away. We're able to pinpoint Reaper 'pings,' or signals they spread throughout a system. This is what gives away their fleet's location and destination. We haven't spotted any of these pings in salarian space so far… Not directly."

"Not directly?" I asked.

EDI pulled up a holographic simulation of an enemy fleet. "It appears Apollo has been surveying the area. While not entering salarian space directly, it has sent several pings within this general direction. I am unable to determine if it intends on reaching the planet, or if this is only a reconnaissance tactic."

Apollo.

That devil ship as our most valuable target, just behind Harbinger. This one really did like to hide.

Wiping out Apollo would wipe out a significant chunk of Reaper morale galaxy-wide. If we could survive.

"Might be scouting around," I figured. "Waiting to give Belphegor the order to attack."

Traynor worried, "Should we expect a double-team with Apollo and Belphegor? Their combined fleets?"

"Admiral Hackett said this Apollo will copy my tactics as a commander. This isn't something I would do."

EDI pointed out, "Scouting around unseen is indisputably consistent with Shepard's tactics. However, Apollo has its fleet of specialized Reaper destroyers. Belphegor's numbers rival that of Lucifer's on Palaven, with the amount of force necessary to overtake an entire planet and multiple colonies."

"Oh," replied Traynor. "So Apollo adding its forces to Belphegor would essentially be overkill…"

I agreed, "I'm not the shock and awe type of soldier. Not unless I know it's my only option."

"Right, of course. You're far more strategic. Then I guess there's nothing to worry about."

"For the time being," stressed EDI. "I believe Belphegor is waiting for our team to arrive on Sur'Kesh. Given its representation as the sin of sloth, perhaps it is procrastinating with its advance. This would essentially be the opposite of Lucifer, who waited defiantly on Palaven for a confrontation. This would also give us no avenues to prepare ahead of time. We will only be able to react in the moment."

"Then we'll prepare for a sneak attack," I settled. "It's all we can do at this point."

EDI and Traynor nodded in agreement, leaving the rest to me. In the same vein, they left us all to silence. They gave me this time to think, to plan. I folded my arms, staring at these readings, this data. The salarians hadn't mobilized their fleets at all. They seemed content to pretend like all was well. I knew our team couldn't pull this off alone. We needed support. Support the salarians couldn't give us.

I also noticed this…energy in the room.

Between Traynor and EDI.

Traynor may have been jumpy earlier for other reasons. I had interrupted something. Because I saw their coy glances and little smiles, as subtle as my blinking. I did my best to not give away my notice. They definitely couldn't tell, as Traynor and EDI kept this on as they worked and analyzed. Not wanting to be a third wheel, I left to the vid comm, getting in touch with Admiral Hackett.

Hackett answered right away. "Shepard, perfect timing. Are you and your team headed for Sur'Kesh?"

"Yes, Admiral. We'll be there shortly. I'm not picking up any readings on Belphegor's invasion. But we suspect it'll head to the salarian homeworld once we arrive. Are you seeing anything on your end?"

"The same as you. I'm also willing to bet the enemy's waiting for you. There's no other explanation. The salarians have yet to mobilize their forces. Most of them are in denial. Easy pickings for the Reapers."

"Denial about what?" I asked. "Do they not see the enemy decimating other planets out there?"

Admiral Hackett clarified, "The salarians think they've cracked the code. As if they've fooled the Reapers into not heading for their homeworld or colonies. When I first briefed you about the Reapers, the Alliance suspected the salarians would sit the war out. We weren't sure why. Well, this is the reason."

"They can't possibly think they've found a counterintelligence problem to overwhelming force."

"Sadly, they think they have. As you know, the salarians are in charge of directing primary espionage and intelligence operations for the Council. Following the Battle at the Citadel, we received an abundance of intel on what to expect during this war. It's how we prepared as allied forces. We saw nothing wrong with letting the salarians handle the bulk of our counterintelligence prep. Turns out the Salarian Union put most of that intel to use for their gain instead. They created systems to fool Reaper signals, transmitting no evidence of civilization in salarian space. They did this behind the councilor's back."

"All of that behind the salarian councilor's back? How?"

"It's a little embarrassing for the councilor," said Hackett. "He's one of the few male salarians in a real position of political power. He wanted as much transparency as possible with our allied forces. The Salarian Union is headed by Dalatrass Linron. The dalatrass and her cohort schemed to come up with this plan. The way they saw it, if they could protect salarian society without lifting a finger, they could install someone else on the Council. Someone more amenable to their political agenda, unlike Valern."

"That's egregious, Admiral," I said, pissed off now. "They could've shared that technology with us!"

"I know. It violates every agreement we've made with the salarians. If the councilor had been involved, I would've ordered you to ignore Belphegor. Just let Sur'Kesh burn in hell. Because it wasn't only a singular decision by the dalatrass. Multiple members of their military are aware of what's going on. They're essentially waiting for a regime change once this is all over. It's a full-on coup, Commander."

Did Mordin know about this? He was retired STG.

I wanted to believe he'd have warned me by now if he knew.

"Admiral, the Reapers have to know something's up. Even Apollo's been scouting around the area. I'm positive it's found some kind of flaw in the salarians' plans. Belphegor will be there after I touch down."

"No doubt about it, Shepard. We still need to handle this issue with the dalatrass and her coup. I'm bringing on the salarian councilor for our call. He requested to speak with us both."

The salarian councilor appeared next to Hackett's form, looking visibly distressed from under his hood.

"Commander Shepard," said Valern in a rush. "Admiral Hackett. Thank you for agreeing to speak with me. I apologize for involving the Alliance so heavily in my peoples' politics. The situation is urgent."

I still needed to know, "What's the dalatrass' angle here? Why is she so focused on ousting you?"

"It's simple, Commander. The other day, I warned that it would take some time before you could visit the STG base. The one where our scientists are formulating a cure for the genophage. In going ahead with deploying the cure, I had expected to run into significant resistance. Chiefly among them, Dalatrass Linron. However, much to my surprise, the dalatrass did not put up much of a fight. This only seemed to solidify her and her cohort's opinion of me. They are diametrically opposed to assisting the krogan."

"So this is one more thing they plan to use against you."

"Precisely."

Admiral Hackett sent a vid to my omni-tool. "Take a look at this. It's all the evidence we need."

Opening the vid, I found another hooded salarian politician, Dalatrass Linron. Captured from a sketchy angle, the grainy vid at least had clear audio. Audio in which the dalatrass spoke to her cohort in private:

"We have remained completely safe! There is nothing to worry over, friends. Sur'Kesh will not fall. Not a single Reaper will make its way to our jungles and capital realms. The salarian people will not go the way of humanity, forced to flee into the asari's arms for shelter! We will not wait for the krogan to come for us, either. We will each oversee their continued subjugation—as soon as Esheel is seated on the Council."

Effusive clapping and cheers followed before the recording cut out.

Meanwhile, the salarian councilor could barely keep a straight face, ready to explode at any second.

Sympathizing with him, I asked, "Councilor, who is Esheel? Another politician in the Salarian Union?"

"Yes, just so," he replied, venomous. "Had I perished during the Battle at the Citadel, she would have been next in line on the Council. She is an utterly callous woman. Machiavellian in every sense of the word. She does not think highly of me. Esheel is convinced I am weak-minded, and that I am destined to lead our people down the 'sewage pipe.' I've no doubts Esheel is the loudest voice in Linron's ear."

"And how'd you get your hands on this footage?"

The salarian councilor sneered, "It was given to me personally as a gift. Purchased from the Shadow Broker by a not-so-mysterious figure, Solheim. Courtesy of Cerberus. She included a note of thanks with the delivery. I was the one who pushed for the Council to speak with Miss Lawson during the Lazarus Project—during your absence. My colleagues did not initially agree, but they went ahead with the decision. As this is an instance of debts repaid, I am willing to believe Solheim has no ill-intent here."

If Miranda knew about this, I could only imagine what other information she'd found by now.

Admiral Hackett stated, "The ball's in your court, Councilor. Let us know how you'd like to handle the dissenters. This could prove disastrous for our diplomatic ties. Knowing what we know now, there's no way humanity would cooperate with Linron and Esheel in charge."

"Yes, I understand," replied Valern. "Conveniently enough, Dalatrass Linron will be at the STG base on Sur'Kesh. She intends to oversee the commander's visit. Shepard, would it be too much to ask for you to play the ignorant fool? Simply treat the dalatrass as a regular ally. She will assume you know nothing."

"That's fine with me," I answered. "She'll be in for a rude awakening once the Reapers attack."

"Agreed. Her schemes will unravel, and she will lose all support from her cohort. Esheel included. I will pull the necessary strings to ensure they are unable to flee Sur'Kesh. If the Reapers do not end them, then their disgruntled collaborators will do the job. Direct assassination by us will not be necessary."

"That just leaves Belphegor. Do you need me to take it out?"

"Please do," requested the salarian councilor. "Whenever our military stops its internal squabbling over the dalatrass, they will turn their focus to the real enemy. You will also need to evacuate our scientists and test subjects for the genophage. They will be able to continue their work aboard your ship."

"Understood, Councilor."

Admiral Hackett told me, "Commander, sounds like you'll be on your own. We can't rely on the salarian military for a quick counteroffensive once Belphegor's disabled. The Normandy will have to destroy it."

"It'll take a little longer, but she can handle the job. I'll let Joker know."

Valern bowed his head in thanks. "I regret that things have come to this. This may be the end of my homeworld. But when the dust settles, we will rebuild. I will do my best to pledge stronger ties between my people and yours—once this is all over. We will be at your mercy…and we will deserve it."

The salarian councilor departed the call, leaving an endless fog of remorse in his wake.

Hackett shared with me in concern, "I don't like this, Shepard. Something tells me this operation will go sour, one way or another. I'll leave the rest to you. Be careful out there."

I saluted him. "We'll get this done, Sir. Just like always."

He saluted me back. "Helps to hear that. Contact me again as soon as you can. Hackett out."

Making my way back to the war room, I found a surprise waiting for me.

Liara had arrived here earlier, speaking with EDI and Traynor at the central console. Dressed and ready to go, she had probably seen me speaking to Admiral Hackett, and then decided to wait for me. So seamless: she breezed past her conversation with Traynor and EDI, heading over this way. We met halfway at these handful of small steps leading down to the main island. This natural sheen and brightness of her eyes and her skin found me, even as her expression had dulled in worry and anxiety.

I held her hand, thumbing the pliable fabric of her glove. "Hey. You get my message?"

Liara nodded, still wanting more. Closing this gap, she moved into my hold, her head along my chest.

She admitted as a whisper pressed between us, "I couldn't sleep without you."

My heart swelled up, and I knew it showed in my eyes, in my expression. I didn't look directly at them, but EDI and Traynor exchanged smiles. They might've heard Liara's dulcet voice anyway.

"Sorry," I said, rubbing the stress from her back. "There's a situation. I need to talk to you about it."

"I assumed so. Tell me everything."

Speaking off to the side, removed from everyone else, I briefed Liara on the issues. The mess with the salarian councilor, his would-be successor, and the dalatrass, I explained in full. She listened through her stunned shock, not having expected the salarians would betray us like this. Liara seemed most surprised about the leak coming from Miranda and the Shadow Broker. She knew a bit more about this than I did:

"The footage came from the Shadow Broker? Purchased by Solheim, as she calls herself now?"

"Yes," I replied. "That's what the salarian councilor said. Why, is there something strange about it?"

"Not necessarily. I'm just remembering an off-hand comment Miranda made a long time ago. Long before you brought me back. The Shadow Broker was a major competitor for Cerberus under the Illusive Man. Miranda had made a point to never go to their competition for major intel like this. Unless she's changed the company policy now that she's in charge. Somehow, I don't believe that's the case."

"I see what you mean. Could've been an exception."

"Maybe. It is something to keep in mind, anyway. I am more concerned about our trip to the STG base. If the dalatrass is going to be there, it is safe to say the salarians will be watching our every move."

"Right," I agreed. "They're not expecting the Reapers to hit, either. So we can't bring the full team. If we show up ready for war, the dalatrass will figure us out. In her mind, our only objective is to get these krogan females from the facility aboard the Normandy. The salarian councilor asked me to be discreet."

Liara reasoned, "We will have to settle for only a few members. Let me know who you'd like to bring along. I'll notify them to prepare for the mission."

Purposely and willfully putting us at a disadvantage for this operation.

Giving the appearance of unpreparedness; preparing to be caught off-guard by the invasion.

I hated playing politics, but I knew what was at stake. I made my choices and prepared to move forward.

---

As no more than necessary, Liara and I boarded the shuttle with a downsized team. The same amount of people I had brought for Palaven, back when most of the team had been busy working on the Normandy. Ideally, I would have wanted to bring everyone for Sur'Kesh and Belphegor, given how little support we would have this time around. But we somehow had to get by with far less this time. For all the salarians knew, we only wanted to get these krogan females immune to the genophage for the cure.

Only Wrex, Tali, and Jack joined Liara and me for the mission.

They each knew the deal. They each knew to act natural. We all knew the risks going into this.

As Cortez drove us along in the shuttle, I felt my team's resolve. I also felt them relying on me even more. Far more as we entered Sur'Kesh's orbit. Hardly any military vessels greeted us as we passed by. Only the usual patrols and projects obscured the vast oceans and vegetation across the planet's surface.

Watching the display monitors, Wrex commented, "Looks like the calm before the storm."

"It does," agreed Tali. "Not an enemy in sight. At least for now. Their signal-blocking could have fooled anyone except the Reapers. If the salarians weren't such traitors, I would admire their achievements."

Lounging in her seat, oddly chill today, Jack called to me, "Hey, Commander. Why don't we get the krogan females and get out of here? Who says we can't just bail on these fuckers? Do we have to take out the devil ship? 'Cause there's no way the lizard people are gonna help us on Earth."

"We have to do this, Jack," I explained. "I don't expect the salarians to help us against Harbinger. That doesn't mean we can let the civilians suffer over this. We have to give their military a fighting chance."

"Yeah, I guess. Kinda forgot about that part."

"In this instance," spoke Liara, "The salarian government is not representative of their people. We should not punish them over secrets and lies they knew nothing about. It wouldn't be fair of us."

Wrex chimed in, "Doesn't apply to the genophage, though. Just about every salarian wants my people to keep living in this hell. Compared to the shit I've dealt with, the salarian councilor is a real standup guy. So of course this dalatrass wants to get rid of him! Can't wait to meet her soon."

Tali teased him, "Are you going to play nice? I get the feeling she won't be all that respectful of you."

"Sure, I'll play along. Smile to the dalatrass' face knowing she gets blown to pieces soon enough. Ten to one she dies during the first wave of the invasion. Probably within minutes. It's what she deserves."

Jack smirked over the image. "Okay, now we're talking. Shouldn't be too bad playing along, then."

Wrex laughed in satisfaction. "Yeah, as happy as that makes me, she doesn't matter. I know what's more important. These females are the best and probably last hope for my people. We need to get them."

Liara reassured, "We'll bring them back, Wrex. Don't worry."

"Definitely," promised Tali. "It's our highest priority next to defeating Belphegor. We won't let you down."

"I appreciate that, you two. Wouldn't want anyone else along for the ride."

Outside on Sur'Kesh, thick rays of light shone through the clouds. Waves of crystalline rivers wound through the mountains and ravines, leading us to our destination. Giant waterfalls of the same crystal-clear quality misted next door to the STG base. Steeped next to those waterfalls, the massive ziggurat-like structure raised as a terraced compound. Almost like a temple of technology, the outdoor STG facility stood tall, surrounded by the purity of nature as it overlooked an ancient reservoir. Several jade palm trees shaded over the off-white color of the building. Open labs, open balconies, open everything.

Extremely open with hardly any cover.

Plenty of long-range freedom for sniping. I spotted several salarian snipers deep in the labs. Hidden in the shadows, focused on our shuttle in the daylight, they had their rifles trained on us.

But not enough defenses for my team's safety.

I needed to blitz Belphegor as soon as it landed. No sitting around for days on end. Not this time.

Our shuttle landed at the topmost level of the facility. Standing near the landing pad, the salarian soldiers watched us. They kept a close watch as we exited our shuttle. Not quite so peaceful and carefree as I'd expected, the salarians could hardly sit still. Only one dark-armored soldier came to greet us. Even then, I saw the fear, the apprehension in his eyes. Something wasn't right about this.

"Good day, Commander," said the soldier. "I'm Padok Wiks. I understand you're here to oversee the transfer of our test subjects to your ship. You'll have our full cooperation as long as we have yours."

Suspicious now, I asked, "What cooperation are you asking from us?"

"I must insist your krogan colleague remain under guard. Please remember this is an STG facility. A salarian facility. We cannot have a fully-armed krogan roaming about the grounds. This would cause our personnel to panic. I'm sad to say we have enough to panic over. We shouldn't add this to the list."

Wrex grumbled and growled, the reds of his eyes glowering in danger, but he knew not to say anything.

"Fine," I allowed. "We'd rather avoid a diplomatic incident."

"As would we," obliged Wiks, as the other soldiers surrounded Wrex as a contingent.

"You mentioned your people are panicking. What's going on?"

Padok Wiks looked around at his colleagues. Terrified and defeated, they each nodded to him, as if giving their blessing and permission. Then Wiks led my team and me farther into the facility. I followed him, with Liara, Tali, and Jack close by, and Wrex trailing along with his armed escort of salarians.

"I feel comfortable sharing this with you, Commander. Sur'Kesh may appear peaceful, but it would be a mistake to assume all is well. We all have war on our minds. Especially in recent days. We've heard reports of Apollo scouting around our airspace. I cannot promise you will be safe here for much longer."

Within this roofless facility, the scientists only reinforced Wiks' concerns.

As they went about their routines—working the lab equipment, studying their omni-tools for data—this sense of dread took over. Everyone's thoughts interfered with their work. Surrounded by the majesty of Sur'Kesh's endless views, the salarians found no inspiration out there. Their worries had infected them, affecting their every move. So unusual for them as such a quick species. They'd all heard the same reports, harboring their doubts and concerns. Yet they worked on, not knowing what else to do. Only the machinery and equipment performed as they should have, transferring their specimens from place to place. Not even the bulky yahg punching at their containment shield caused any real fuss.

Wiks steered our talk away from war, telling me, "As you can see, this base contains sensitive information. We conduct evolutionary trials, morphological simulations, and exogenetic assessments, among other things. The research we do here has kept Sur'Kesh safe for millennia."

"Even studying krogan?" I asked.

"The females were in poor health when we found them on Tuchanka. They were brought here to stabilize their condition."

Wrex's guard began guiding him just downstairs. He stomped along in defiance, declaring, "This whole planet smells wrong."

Padok Wiks ignored him. "I'll need to clear you for the lower levels before you can see them. In the meantime, Dalatrass Linron would like to speak with you. If you could please follow me, Commander."

I glanced at Liara, Jack, and Tali, giving them clearance to roam around. They nodded to me, fanning out.

Following Wiks again, I found the guest of honor near a central hub.

The same grainy silhouette from the Shadow Broker's vid appeared before me as real, in the flesh.

The head of the Salarian Union, Dalatrass Linron, turned her attention to me. I found her smarmy smile from beneath her hood. Knowing better, I didn't react, leaning on the research I'd done on her before leaving the Normandy. Supposed 'queen bee' of her wealthy bloodline in Sur'Kesh, she'd only won her recent election by a narrow margin. Unlike the asari councilor and her gamble with earth, the dalatrass had a personal stake in these machinations. She needed to oversee a peaceful Sur'Kesh as a way to bolster her political future. Installing her friend Esheel on the Council also tied around to the same thing.

People protecting their own as usual. Every time.

"Why hello, Commander Shepard," said the dalatrass, still all smiles. "I presume you know who I am. I'm the one who gave authorization for this exchange. It's an honor to meet the famed hero of the Alliance. And what an icon you are! Many of our STG training tactics were inspired by you as an N7 Infiltrator."

She offered her hand to me.

I looked down at it, remembering my obligations.

From across the way, I felt Liara's attention on me. She worried about what would happen if I didn't do this.

So I shook the dalatrass' hand. Firm, steady—unlike her delicate hold just existing in my clamp. I almost pulled the back of her hand against my armored core. Not on purpose. Not too obvious. Just direct.

Dalatrass Linron's eyes grew wide. Startled, she pulled away once I let go.

"Oh," she stammered. "Commander, you are surprisingly strong! Every time I've shaken hands with a human woman, it was always a forgettable affair. No wonder you humans place such high value on shaking hands. It truly does say a lot about a person, doesn't it?"

"Maybe," I deflected.

"There's that stoic hardness I've heard about! You aren't one for politics, are you?"

"Dalatrass, I'm a marine. Not a politician. If there's something you're trying to say to me, just say it."

"It's nothing in particular," she claimed, so charmed by me now. "You must understand. I am a politician, which means I'm used to layers of secrecy and deception. I tend to anticipate when someone is smiling to my face while holding a knife behind their back. Your candidness is refreshing, that's all."

If she only knew.

Linron sighed in contentment. "Well, as I mentioned, I'm the one overseeing this transfer today. These krogan women went through hell and back on Tuchanka. The brutal, barbaric experiments they suffered at Maelon's hands are inexcusable. It is a miracle they've survived this long. I suppose it is also a miracle that their sacrifices will lead to a cure for the genophage."

"You don't sound too happy about it."

"Of course not," scoffed the dalatrass. "The krogan are beasts. Savages! We did them a favor by controlling their population. They no longer roam the galaxy as warmongers. I fear they will return to this path, should you deploy this cure for them. Your krogan companion may be a cooperative brute, but he is still a brute. You cannot possibly believe his redeeming qualities redeem all krogan."

Steaming from the inside of my N7 armor, I said nothing in response.

Dalatrass Linron smirked at me. "How strange. Nothing to say in defense of your teammate?"

"You've made up your mind. There's nothing I can say to convince you otherwise."

"So you won't even bother to challenge me? Even after you have already challenged the salarian dogma by demanding a cure for the genophage! Do you honestly believe this is the best choice?"

"Sounds to me like you're afraid the krogan will come after you someday."

"That is…a distinct possibility. One that the salarian councilor shares with me. And yet, despite our disagreements, I accepted the councilor's request for your visit. This will all have to play out naturally."

I understood that loud and clear.

"Anyway, Commander, there is still some time to wait. I promise you will soon have access to the lower levels. Once you are granted access, I will meet you by the elevator just behind us. I'll be happy to walk you and your team through the exchange process."

"Then I'll wait until it's time," I accepted.

"It was wonderful meeting you, Shepard. We'll speak again soon."

Wandering away from the dalatrass, I needed to cool off.

Too many reminders of why I usually couldn't stand politicians.

I glanced over and saw Wrex and Liara talking together. Deep in conversation, they spoke to one another even while surrounded by those armed salarian soldiers. Whatever they discussed, it looked important. Something personal between old friends. I decided to go over to them a little bit later.

Over by another containment shield, I found Jack and Tali.

Next to them stood a salarian technician at a console. Apparently bored out of her mind waiting for the Reapers to upend salarian civilization, Jack kept touching the console. Pressing buttons. Poking at readings and data she wasn't supposed to. Each time, the technician would look directly at her, asking her to stop. Except Jack wouldn't stop. Tali stared at her in a bemused silence, not knowing what to say.

"Please don't touch that," said the technician, still typing and trying to work.

Jack touched the console.

"As I said, human. Don't touch that."

She touched the console again.

"Again, I would ask that you refrain from touching that."

One more time.

Progressively more annoyed: "Perhaps 'don't touch that' means something different in your language?"

Jack touched the console once more.

"I would rather not refer this matter to the human embassy."

Pressing the button, pressing the button.

A different approach: "Touch it all you want. You'll never find out what it does."

Even more amused now, Jack touched it again.

"Are humans really so deprived of stimulus that they must insist on touching everything?"

She touched it yet still another time.

"I'm afraid if you keep touching that, you risk a diplomatic incident."

Jack sniggered and touched it more.

The tech scolded more, "Further manipulation of that object is grounds for further admonishment."

Bother, bother, bother.

"Really!" yelled the technician. "You must stop touching that!"

Pushing it now, Jack pushed it once again, again, again.

"Once more, the Salarian Union formally requests that you not touch that."

Exasperated now, Tali interrupted, "Jack, there's people that are dying… What are you doing?!"

Jack shrugged. "I dunno what came over me. I just felt like touching it."

"Will you please leave this poor man alone?"

"Yeah, okay, Tali. You're the boss."

Sighing in annoyance, Tali pulled Jack away from the technician, who scowled after them in disapproval. Then the two of them separated. Jack left in one direction, a bit closer to Wrex and Liara. Tali walked off someplace else. She went to stand near the edge of the lab, staring out to the vista. I thought against going to speak with her. Tali looked like she needed some time to herself. I stared in concern, making a mental note to speak with her another time. I didn't want to baby her during the mission.

Liara and Wrex's conversation looked to have settled down by now. So I headed over to them next.

Approaching the pair, I heard Wrex saying, "Everything's come right back to the beginning. And here you are with her. Working things out. Giving this another chance. You feeling confident?"

"Well, there are no guarantees," said Liara, modest in her tone. "I am hopeful. This is the best I have felt in a long time. A very long time. I don't want to ruin this. Not for anything."

"I hear that. Just know I'm wishing the best for you. If you can turn this around, anything's possible."

Liara smiled at him. "I would like to believe the same. It is wonderful to know you care so much."

"Of course I do! You and Shepard both helped me get to where I am today. I'll never forget that. If you ever want to talk again, let me know. Maybe after we have a few salarians for lunch."

The salarian soldiers frowned at Wrex, not amused by his joke.

"Thank you for speaking with me about this, Wrex."

Wrex chuckled in a deep amusement. "Anything for my precious blueberry."

Liara giggled in delight just as I made it to her side.

"Passing the time?" I asked.

"Yes," replied Liara, leaning on me in comfort. "Wrex and I were reminiscing."

"It's been a hell of a ride," said Wrex, nostalgic. "Being back on the team brought back memories."

My own memories: "I can remember you sleepwalking on the Normandy. Just from how stressed you were about your people, about the genophage. You couldn't keep burying your feelings anymore."

"Yeah, I remember those days. Whenever I needed to forget, it was easier to just drink, or kill something. Couldn't keep doing that anymore. Then everything came up to the surface like you said. Still, I'm glad I moved on from all that. Had to do it eventually. And now we're here today, making real progress with the genophage. Progress no one thought was possible. Even I still can't believe it."

"We'll get this done, Wrex," I promised. "As soon as the cure's ready, Tuchanka will be our first stop."

"Glad to hear it, Shepard. Couldn't do this without you."

Padok Wiks came over to us. "Pardon me, Commander. We're now prepared to have you visit the lower levels. If you're ready to proceed, please follow me to the elevator."

Glancing around, I spotted Tali coming over this way. She decided to stay with Wrex; his armed guard wouldn't allow him to join us downstairs. Then Jack found us. I brought her and Liara with me, following Padok Wiks. Over by the elevator, Dalatrass Linron awaited us. She smiled at me as she had before.

"Hello again, Commander," greeted the dalatrass. "If you don't mind, I would like to continue my oversight of your visit today. Just to ensure everything goes smoothly. One can never be too careful."

"That's fine with me, Dalatrass. Lead the way."

As we went to the elevator, the dalatrass glanced at Wrex across the way. She turned her nose up at him. Wrex and Tali noticed, exchanging sour words over the sight. Uncaring, Dalatrass Linron continued with us. Then Padok Wiks received some kind of communication. His eyes went wide, panicked. He quickly whispered some information to the dalatrass before leaving in a hurry. Briefly shaken, Linron did her best not to react any more than she already had. Saving face, she proceeded with us down below.

---

A cold, lifeless dungeon of technology.

Equally lifeless, the dalatrass accompanied us on this elevator ride, oddly quiet.

Down on these lower levels, the salarians kept the lights off. Only the glowing auras from the personnel's omni-tools and computer monitors gave us any guidance. Those omni-tools moved around the room, belonging to the panicked personnel fast-walking from place to place. Some of the salarians tried to focus on their work. At least until the announcements blared over the facility's intercom:

"Alert! Threat condition six has been declared. Repeat, threat condition six has been declared! Reaper forces sighted! Scramble readiness teams! Base personnel must evacuate! Evacuate immediately!"

Dalatrass Linron's eyes bugged out. Arms wide, she stumbled into a run, abandoning ship with a quickness. A few of the STG personnel around followed her. Rushing at her heels, the salarians begged the dalatrass to let them protect her; to not run off on her own. They assumed responsibility for protecting the head of their government. Oblivious, they didn't know the full truth. Not yet, anyway.

Jack called after her, "Hey, where do you think you're going?! Get back here!"

"It's no use," advised Liara. "Every war has its traitors. She will try and save herself."

"Yeah, just sucks it had to happen like this. Hope the Reapers blast her to shreds out there."

I contacted Tali and Wrex via radio. "Tali, Wrex, come in. What's the situation up there?"

Tali's voice sounded steady in her calm, "There's still time, Shepard. The salarians are evacuating. Their military ships are airborne. Wrex's guards left, too. We don't see the Reapers in the distance yet. If it's anything like Earth, I'm sure we only have a few minutes left."

"Then I need you and Wrex to stay with Cortez on the shuttle. We'll get the krogan to you."

"Okay, standing by once we get there. Please hurry."

Soon a familiar face found us, a bright spot in this darkness:

"Shepard! Excellent timing. Good to have you here."

"Mordin?" I asked, getting a better look.

Sure enough, he approached us in the white and red of his lab coat. The same smile of his, the same scars on his face. Undeniably Mordin. Seemingly unperturbed by our situation, he shook my hand.

"Eyesight still sharp," he praised. "Surprise understandable. Didn't explain full scope of work. Special consultant for STG. But not for long. Reaper forces arriving to Sur'Kesh. Facility's destruction imminent! Was that Dalatrass Linron…? Never seen her run so quickly. Oddly terrified for leader of Salarian Union."

Liara told him, "It is good to see you again, Mordin. If only we had the proper time to catch up…"

Jack added, "We kind of need to get a move-on."

"Yes, can explain more later," agreed Mordin, gesturing for us to follow him. "Security warnings troubling. Need to get off-world for sake of krogan!" We passed by more personnel scrambling to evacuate. "Females had weakened immune systems. Side-effect of Maelon's cure. These didn't survive." Past the glass before us, I saw the outline of several dead krogan women, hidden beneath covers. "Data saved from Maelon's experiments helped. Lacked crucial details to reconstruct cure, but still useful for synthesizing from living tissue. One survivor. Immune to genophage. Can synthesize cure from her."

"She's still here? Can you finish the cure?"

"Yes," said Mordin in confidence. "Last hope for krogan. If she dies, genophage cure…problematic."

He guided us over to one of those containment shields.

Through the fog within the container, I spotted the large, wide form of a krogan. Mostly covered up with clothes and armor, she had her eyes closed. Her deep blue, hooded garb looked almost religious to me.

Mordin warned, "Please be careful. Krogan slow to trust."

I couldn't see the krogan through this fog. Not directly. I somehow felt her cold, curious stare on me.

Liara scanned the krogan's vitals, fretting over her failing health.

"Human," said the krogan woman, her voice profound and commanding. "Are you here to kill me?"

"I'm not here to kill you. We're here to rescue you. This facility isn't safe anymore."

"That voice. You sound familiar. Would you happen to be…Commander Shepard from the Alliance?"

"Yes," I confirmed. The krogan hummed in curiosity. "Urdnot Wrex and I are getting you out of here."

"Wrex. So the blockhead kept his word. He's almost too late. Those were my sisters you saw back there. They died in a lot of pain. And now I'm the only one left. That makes me dangerous to a lot of people."

Another announcement—"Alert! Reaper vessels have breached the perimeter! Multiple ships inbound!"

Then Wrex's shouting pierced our radio: "Shepard, watch your head! Belphegor's about to shoot at the STG base! It's right above the building!"

"Liara!"

"Jack, help me!" she shouted, hurrying forward.

"I'm on it, Blue!"

Placing themselves in the center, Liara and Jack conjured a shared biotic field, reinforced by one another. They covered me. They covered the krogan. They covered Mordin. They shielded our heads from the sudden blast cutting through the building. Crimson red from Belphegor's beam melted through the structure. Destruction, debris, and dust everywhere. The hammering of force against Liara's biotic bubble, superimposed on top of Jack's. I didn't think Jack had the strength yet to guard against a devil ship, let alone a destroyer. Providing support for Liara instead, neither of them had to suffer from a single hit. Suffering in turn, the personnel around us, unguarded and unprotected, screamed from the impact of the blast. Up through the damage, I spotted Belphegor's gigantic form descending to the ground just outside the building. Several of its fleet ships flew past to terrorize the rest of the planet.

No one else around us survived.

The technicians and scientists had all collapsed to the ground, buried in heaps of smoldering rubble.

Even shadowed behind that mist, and her garb, I saw the krogan female's bewildered stare. If she still had any doubts about us protecting her, they should've vanished by now.

"Liara, Jack, escort Mordin and the krogan back to the shuttle. Make sure Cortez gets them to the Normandy."

"Okay, Commander," answered Jack. "What are you gonna do? Going after Belphegor?"

"It looks like it's still nearby. I'll disable it. Tell Joker and EDI to stand by with the Normandy. We need them to destroy the Reaper. We can't count on the salarians to help us with this."

Liara asked me, "After getting Mordin and our guest to safety, should we return for you?"

"Yes, bring Tali and Wrex. We'll stay together and wait for Cortez to pick us up. Now get out of here!"

While Mordin extracted the krogan from her containment shield, I hurried back upstairs.

Invisible with my tactical cloak on, the late-afternoon sun shined over me, my form glimmering as I ran.

I rushed past the salarian soldiers running the opposite way. I pushed through the salarian scientists trying to contain their escaped varren, yahg, and other lifeforms. I kept my eyes on Belphegor just nearby. Towering right next to the facility, the devil ship hovered along close to the building, beaming down on the salarians evacuating down on the ground. Several other Reaper forces had fanned out to the other buildings in the distance, leaving them as smoking craters. The backdrop of this perfect paradise on Sur'Kesh—the sunny blue sky, the still-untouched spots of nature beyond—and Belphegor cared nothing for it. It bore down this destruction with the other Reaper ships, unstoppable.

Catching up to the devil ship, I waited until it reached a rounded edge of the building.

Right at this opportune angle, uninterrupted—I jumped onto this footing of the ship's backdoor.

As I stormed through, I remembered at the last second:

I should've activated my optical camera. I should've let Liara and the others watch my progress.

I had forgotten in the middle of all the chaos.

They trusted me to get this done. No one had thought to mention it, including me.

In remembering Liara so strongly, I wondered if this colored my perceptions. Because once I made it into Belphegor's interior, this…didn't look as I had expected. This looked nothing like the lifeless, sterile machinery I'd seen of Sovereign, of Lucifer's insides. As if transported into another reality, or the past, I found a long-lost world from my memories. Another facility. Open skies. The smell of rain in the air. The far-off beaches that had reminded me of home. The constant threats from geth and krogan attacks.

Somewhere within the Attican Traverse. Someplace I had chased down an old enemy.

My footsteps interrupted the shallow water beneath my boots, settling back to stillness.

The wide door of steel behind me. A similar door well across this thoroughfare: machines on either side of me, just along the walls. All around, I felt the resolve of faceless salarian soldiers in the distance. Completely alone, I felt this singular purpose of heading forward. Forward to the other side of the door.

Pressing forward after I had made my decisions. The only choice I could have made for both survivors.

Virmire.

These tense moments after Ashley had armed the bomb, waiting for it to detonate.

This gripping memory of having ordered Liara to retreat—to abandon Captain Kirrahe and his men.

Deep in my head boomed a lethargic and genderless voice, speaking with a familiar superiority:

"The mighty vanquisher of Lord Lucifer has found me. I am Belphegor, the duke who governs the slothful among organics. The ants of Sur'Kesh believed they could fool my kind with their inventions. They didn't have the will or the strength to face me directly. As they shouldn't, for they knew they would lose! Yet it would seem you are not like the salarians. They would have lazed about on their homeworld while we conquered the galaxy. Their crimes against all—and your crimes against them will not go unpunished. You have my first and final warning to turn back now. If you do not, the salarians will suffer this schism as they deserve. Or don't turn back. Keep going if you please, but you cannot say I didn't warn you…"

Turn back?

For what?

That wasn't an option.

Calling Belphegor's bluff, or so I assumed, I hurried forward.

I ran ahead, just as I had done that day. Rushing to get to Ashley. Panicking when her omni-tool had suddenly cut out, cutting our radio communications. Not knowing Liara had had her at gunpoint. Not knowing anything, so naïve. At the time, Saren had found them before I could. He'd interrupted at the perfect time. Stopping that bloodshed. Or maybe he hadn't interrupted a thing. Liara had hesitated on her own. She had witnessed a vision of what would've happened. That image of me emotional and upset after returning from the dead. I had taken Ashley out to a party that night, believing in what we'd had, only to find these reminders. The undeniable truth that Ashley had intended to lie to me. To say nothing of the truth: her rivalry, her secrets and blackmails and mistakes. I had discovered all; she couldn't keep it from me.

Both of them with their lies.

Both of them with their escalations, their arguments, their gunwaving and gunfiring.

Both of them falling into these follies. And still I forgave one of them. Still I loved her to this day.

I should have been able to move on.

I should have been able to forget about her.

I should have kept my anger over this; my resolve. My protections. My barriers, my walls. Everything.

Always as this exception, this emotional exception, Liara proved me wrong. She isolated my isolation.

This time, when I reached the door, it opened for me. Like reaching the end of a dream. A constant, recurring dream from the past. The same dream I would've had if I'd allowed myself to sleep as normal, as a mortal. Because I couldn't reach this door in the past. Liara had blocked it with her biotic bubble, shielding her and Ashley both from Saren's geth firing at them. And then I had arrived too late, already finding Saren there; and I had tried and failed to assassinate him, my sniper rifle failing me at the time.

As this massive door parted for me, I found the scene as I should've found it before.

I found Ashley sitting upon the ground, leaning against the bomb. Her body and armor filled with bleeding injuries from other gunshots. Weakened as she bled in moderation, that red distilling out to the water beneath her. She stared up in defiance at the one above her. Standing over her with that pistol:

Liara aimed her gun right at Ashley's head. Directly between her eyes. No fear, no emotion. Also armed with the gift of divination. Having seen Ashley for exactly who she was, what she was. Knowing all. Ready to do anything to protect me. Protecting me from this person who nearly drove me insane.

This time, Liara pulled the trigger. She pulled it without hesitation. The shot rang out across the skies.

This time, Ashley's head snapped back from the momentum of the shot. She slumped backward, dead.

Liara turned to look at me dead in my eyes.

She found this acceptance about me. No longer fighting this. Embracing her instead of running away.

Making this point, I went up to her. I held this hallucination of Liara in my arms. I wore her dark smile over my chest as a badge of honor. I stared down at Ashley bleeding out behind her on the ground, wondering. Wondering how different things would've been, had Liara pulled the trigger before. With no regard for the Reapers, and no concerns about anyone needing to protect me—if none of those issues mattered at all. If only this mattered. Just this feeling Liara gave me, of her patience. Her own strength, her own way of fighting for me. Protecting me from anyone and anything—no matter the consequences.

"It's over now," soothed Liara, holding me closer. "You belong to me. I'll do anything to love you."

Radical acceptance:

"I believe you."

Liara gazed up at me in question. "You aren't angry with me? If not for my actions, then maybe something else. Like taking up all this bandwidth in your mind, in your heart. Do you resent me?"

"It's not that," I promised. "Anything could happen… I don't know what I'd do if I lost you again."

"Then keep me close, Shepard," she said, softly so. Just as soft, Liara ran her hands along my arms, admiring my strength. "We will meet again. Once it's time." She then raised my arms, guiding me to grip these handles above my head. The same ones I should've expected on this Reaper ship. "You may be at your wit's end once we do meet. But there's nothing to fear. The winds will rise again. That journey's end will be one step forward to tomorrow. Our tomorrow. I will care for you with all my heart and soul."

Believing in the spirit of her words, I pulled on the handles over my head.

The visions before me disappeared. These memories of Virmire; this illusion of Liara's form. All gone.

Everything returned as it should have been. The trails of cold steel within Belphegor's form. Everything tilted slightly in one direction, leaning me with it, as the devil ship powered down. The ship had slumped to one side. Disabled and defenseless.

Joker contacted me, "Commander, EDI and I are all set to fire with the Normandy! Mordin and the krogan female are on their way with Cortez, too! Just waiting for you to leave before we tear Belphegor down!"

"I'm heading out now!" I said, pushing to the exit. "Liara, do you have everyone else with you?"

Liara responded, "We're all waiting for you on the ground! You'll find us as soon as you evacuate!"

A successful mission, as it should have been. I ran onward with this sense of accomplishment. Mixed with foreboding. These memories of Virmire still wouldn't leave me. I had sent Liara with Captain Kirrahe and his troops. Her biotics had protected them from the scores of geth and krogan attacking from Saren's base. But eventually, I'd had to make a decision. I'd had to choose between saving Ashley or Liara. I couldn't get to both of them in time before that bomb went off. One of them should have died there.

I had decided against that by ordering Liara to retreat.

Ordering her to abandon Kirrahe and his people, leaving them to die on Virmire without her.

Whether they had died to the geth or the bomb's explosion, I didn't know. No one had ever found out.

That one decision, that one choice came back to haunt me as I escaped this devil ship.

Making this leap of faith, I jumped down from this spectacular height. Another world wonder of Sur'Kesh's vistas—a disabled Reaper, towering above all—and I flew down from this altitude. Nearer and nearer I spotted the fighting along the ground, of the salarians pushing back against the Reaper ground troops. Cannibals and husks and marauders swarming these once-beautiful jungles and rivers, defiled now by these invaders. Somewhere within the fighting, I spotted Liara, Tali, Wrex, and Jack helping our allies. The salarians fighting had to be the ones who'd had no idea about the dalatrass' betrayals. Taking on the brunt of this war, they suffered for their government's lies.

The gold of this halo surrounded me, as my Icarus Landing System kicked in.

I landed on this spot of grass. Unscathed and ready to move. I ran a safe distance away, toward my team.

I gave the order—"Light 'em up!"

EDI complied, "Target locked!"

Hovering up in the crowded sky, the Normandy rained down her cannons on the devil ship. Endless blasts and explosions blew through the jungles. Not as immediate as Lucifer's end, the Normandy took several more shots before taking the Reaper down. Every single one blew off another of Belphegor's limbs, sending it flying off into the distance. Already feeling the effects, the cannibals, marauders, and husks seemed to give up, stopping their onslaught. The other Reaper ships shadowing the skies slowed down their pursuit of the salarian military vessels up above. The salarian soldiers decimated the Reaper ground forces closest to us. They all celebrated loud and wide once I made it back safely to my team.

"Lie down and rest, Shepard. And never get back up again. In time, no one will remember your failure to fulfill your obligations. You will have gained the valuable gifts of weakness and idleness. Laziness is a virtue. Non-choices are a blessing. Because every choice you make will inevitably return to haunt you."

Some of the salarians around us froze in terror.

Minds shattering as a schism, they howled and hollered in pain. A mental separation: as their only reprieve, they fired at their fellow salarians. The other salarians who hadn't turned, who'd stared in horror at their comrades' suffering. All across Sur'Kesh, the same repeated, with most salarians remaining normal and the others losing their minds like this. As some measure of my decisions, of my choices, and my bonds with others, the salarians reacted like this.

My choices with Captain Kirrahe had sealed the salarians' fate after Belphegor.

Not even my friendship with Mordin could salvage this devastation.

In the middle of the confusion, I found my common sense.

I gathered my team. We all ran away from this madness. We ran deeper into the jungles, escaping.

---

Night had already fallen on Sur'Kesh.

My team and I had escaped into this maze of leaves and tall trees, well away from the waterfalls.

We couldn't leave the planet for the Normandy with the salarians in this state. The maddened salarians shot at their own people and the Reapers. Indiscriminate. And the Reapers themselves had complete air superiority. Sur'Kesh's orbit had turned into a shitshow, and Cortez couldn't find an opening for the shuttle. Not after getting Mordin and the krogan female to the Normandy unharmed. So I had to wait with my team. We had no choice but to wait for an opening. Or a miracle.

Patrolling our immediate perimeter, Jack and Wrex kept an eye out for the distance.

Liara stayed just behind me from where I sat on the ground.

Tali leaned against my shoulder, physically and emotionally drained. She had used her tactical scan to keep track of anyone and everything around us. The nearest Reaper ground forces ravaged the salarians several meters away from us. Their faint forms glowed as orange outlines in this pitch darkness at night.

Safely away from that madness, we still heard the fighting.

Constant gunfire rang out in the distance. Death cries from the salarians. Those noisy blares from the Reaper ships. Each time I checked the feeds coming in, I only saw the salarians getting decimated. Even without Belphegor around to rally its troops, the salarians couldn't make many gains. Not with all this infighting.

We couldn't keep up this waiting game.

Tali came close to nodding off.

I sensed everyone else's exhaustion, their hunger from this long day.

Joker contacted me again, "Commander? Just checking in. Nothing's changed up here. You still there?"

"We're here, Joker. Same situation."

EDI postulated, "I am wondering if we would be safe from detection with the Reaper IFF from our previous mission. We decided to remove it during the retrofits. There was still a chance Cerberus could have used it to track us on the Normandy."

Tali justified, "This was before the Illusive Man turned up dead. Even still, it was guaranteed whoever took over Cerberus could have tracked us. I didn't want to take that chance."

"No, you made the right call," I reassured. "We just need to find another way out of here."

I considered asking EDI and Joker to contact Admiral Hackett. Calling in the Alliance for reinforcements. After all, Hackett had promised the Fifth Fleet to us in this way. We could rely on them for emergencies.

Right before I made the suggestion, I heard something. Something in the near-distance. The sound of a small ship landing. Then several voices shouting. Salarian voices. Not the same indecipherable madness from the salarians who'd turned. Tali's tactical scan tech hadn't picked up on them as enemies.

I gestured to my team. I then pointed in the direction of the noise. Readying their weapons—just in case—Liara, Tali, Jack, and Wrex followed after me. I led us over to the arguing, the yelling. As we closed this distance, we pieced together more of their shouting. Something about 'refusing to go any further.'

Then we saw them: a group of salarians in the same uniform. Still shouting in anger, they had encircled someone on the ground. They each pointed their rifles down at the person, jerking their guns toward them in anger, as if about to shoot. Mere steps away was that small vessel. Just large enough to fit everyone in this scene. Stepping closer, quietly, I got a better look at the so-called victim on the ground.

Cowering on the jungle floor, Dalatrass Linron held her hand up in defense. Shielding her face with her arm, she could do nothing more. Nothing as these salarians threatened to kill her right then and there.

"You lied to us! You promised our homes would be safe!"

"You said the Reapers wouldn't find us! How do you explain them showing up like this?!"

"Did we betray our allies for nothing?! Because once they find out, we're on our own! No one will help us! The Alliance won't help any more than they already have!"

"This is the end of our civilization! Our people won't survive! Our blood is on your hands, dalatrass!"

Knowing the risks, I purposely cracked a few twigs beneath my boots, letting the salarians hear me.

"Who goes there?!" shouted the centermost one. They all kept their guns pointed at the dalatrass.

One of them used their flashlight to search through the trees. "I don't see anyone! It's too dark!"

"I'm picking up friendlies inbound. Doesn't look like they're one of us."

Another one ordered me, "If you're out there, say something! Are you a friend?"

"I'm a friend," I said, walking into the clearing. "Commander Shepard of the Alliance."

"Commander Shepard?" repeated the center salarian, lowering his guard. "I recognize that voice! It really is her!" He recognized my face and my armor once I arrived into view. Still he kept his gun trained on the dalatrass. "You're the one who took out Belphegor! Did…did the Alliance come to help us?"

"My team and I came to visit one of your STG bases. We met the dalatrass there."

"Then you don't know. She outright promised we'd be safe. She promised the sun and the moon, only for everything to go up in flames! She just said what she needed to get more votes! She fooled us all!"

Linron reached out in my direction, begging in hoarseness, "Commander…please—please help me—!"

"Quiet!" snapped a different salarian, digging his gun into the dalatrass' skull. "One more word and we'll blow your lying head off!"

I glanced at the ship nearby.

I glanced at the dalatrass sobbing on the ground. The way she cried, so uncontrollable, spoke to more than mere cowardice. Getting a better look from the salarians' flashlight, Linron's face bled in disfigurement. Blunt strikes from the ends of those guns: the salarians had mauled her, unrecognizable. Multiple bruises had darkened her thin wrists. Her robes looked somewhat torn, yet still intact.

"Tell me what happened," I stated. "Is this your ship?"

"Yes," replied the middle salarian. "It's the dalatrass' escape shuttle. We weren't given any information when she first showed up. She just told us to get into the air and leave. Then the internal news reached us…about what she did. How she ordered the construction of some sort of signal jamming device for Sur'Kesh. Something that would fool the Reapers into ignoring us, thinking there was no one here to harvest or kill. Except the Reapers found out about it and decided to invade anyway."

This didn't add up. Did the crew know about the dalatrass' plans before or after the Reapers arrived?

Something told me not to ask. If I poked holes in their argument, this wouldn't end well.

"Everyone's livid," said another salarian. "I'm pretty sure it's why we're all turning on each other. No one knows what's real anymore. This civil war on top of the Reaper attack…it's devastated us, Commander. There's very little hope for our survival."

If the salarians believed that was the reason, I saw no point in saying otherwise.

Feigning ignorance, I asked, "What about the salarian councilor? Was he involved in this?"

"No, Commander. The Salarian Union is to blame. Not our representative on the Council. Councilor Valern recently sent out a message condemning the dalatrass' actions. He'd had no idea before all of this came out. He promised to conduct a full investigation…but an investigation won't change what's already happened. It won't fix this. It won't give us our homeworld back. It just won't."

"Then what's your goal here? Are you trying to kill the dalatrass, knowing it'll get you in trouble?"

"What does it matter? Our leaders lied to us! Everyone lied! She lied!"

"I understand that. But an extrajudicial killing of your head of state won't help you. Especially with a Spectre as a witness. Do you want justice? Or do you want the dalatrass' murder on your hands?"

That middle salarian made the mistake of pointing his gun at me, shouting wildly, "What the hell does justice matter?! There is no justice anymore! Not after what she did! Don't you DARE take sympathy—"

Unprompted by me, my team aimed their own guns at the salarians. Pulling the triggers, shooting. My people massacred every salarian standing until they couldn't stand anymore. Gunfire from their weapons lighting up in the night, they backed me up. They killed every last one of them, bleeding out.

Except for the dalatrass still cowering in the dirt.

All the murky green blood from her crew had blended into the leaves as camouflage.

I went over to her, kneeling at Linron's side. She had stopped sobbing. Most likely out of shock. Her breathing had thinned, quickened. She probably expected me to finish her off at any second now.

Wrex also came over. Gripping his shotgun, glaring at the dalatrass, he kept the gun close to his chest.

"Wrex, she's unarmed," I reminded him. "She's a non-combatant in the middle of a warzone. We can't."

"I hear you loud and clear, Commander."

Wrex holstered his weapon instead.

"Dalatrass, I need your side of the story. What those salarians said back there, was it true?"

"Yes… Yes!" More tears slipped down her bleeding face; her emotion broke through: "We didn't want this, Commander! We're not the turians! We cannot defend our homes from something like this! We didn't want this! We didn't!"

Understanding without sympathy: "I get what you're saying. Did you plan on escaping with this ship?"

"I… I did. I—I equipped it with up-to-date Reaper IFF technology. Taken…from Sovereign. I was trying to evacuate…when my crew turned on me."

"We can use this ship to get to the Normandy. It's small enough to fit into our shuttle bay. You need to surrender yourself into our custody. Turn yourself in. We'll get you to the Council by tomorrow." Disbelief; more sobbing from the dalatrass. I remembered her other accomplice: "Where is Esheel?"

Dalatrass Linron went quiet for a moment.

Then she admitted, "Esheel…attempted to abandon Sur'Kesh some hours ago. I do not believe she made it very far. She must have seen the earlier reports…of Reaper activity…and decided not to risk it." Her steady realization: "Ah, Commander Shepard… You—you knew all this time, didn't you…? You may be just a marine. Yet you are…a far more cunning politician than I am. You would make an excellent spy. I should have hired you years ago…"

"I'm again asking you to surrender. You're badly injured. You need medical attention. We can help you."

Swayed by my supposed cunning, the dalatrass gingerly held her bruised wrists out to me.

I helped the dalatrass get to her feet. She could barely stand. I had to support her in my hold.

Boarding the salarian ship, I asked Tali to make sense of the controls. She figured out what we needed and got us into the air. After contacting Joker and EDI, we coordinated our arrival. We hurried back to the Normandy, ignored by the Reapers as they continued their assault on the salarian homeworld.

---

Back aboard the Normandy, Kaidan took the dalatrass into custody. Our marine detachment stood guard over her. We set a course to reach the Citadel tomorrow morning. C-Sec would take her off our hands.

Liara joined me in the war room. I had allowed everyone else to return to their rooms, getting some rest after the mission. But I still needed to make sense of what had happened back on Sur'Kesh. I knew this was my fault. I knew this had something to do with my bonds with other people. But nothing else.

Liara explained, "Insomnia would have the direct answers, if only we could return there… I am not entirely clear on everything myself. I only know as much as you do. That this has something to do with your relationships with others. Your decision to save me on Virmire inevitably led to this outcome."

"Well, I remember talking to Sovereign before. It mentioned something about a schism. A battle for control. Each species will want to stand with me or against me, based on my choices. I guess it does have to do with Insomnia, all the people there. The ones who stand with me are all part of the world you created. The ones who stand against me won't show up there. So by destroying Belphegor, we sealed the salarians' fate. The ones who turned won't be in Insomnia with everyone else."

"Yes, that must be it," she agreed. "This is still unusual. How your choice with Captain Kirrahe tipped the scales in this wild direction. The salarians' overall positive opinion of you should have helped more."

"It was a big deal. Maybe that's why it outweighs everything else."

Liara surmised, "Then I imagine the same would happen with the drell. What happened with Thane and his son on Kahje. Kolyat would have killed Miranda during that misunderstanding if you hadn't stepped in… I get the feeling we would witness a repeat on Kahje if you were to destroy the devil ship there."

"You're right," I said. "Luckily, Hackett doesn't expect us to help the drell and hanar. This is another reason to avoid them. It probably won't be safe to help them until we take out Harbinger." This sudden look of concern in Liara's eyes. "What's the matter?"

"Shepard, if you and I had never made up… Do you think the same would've happened on Thessia?"

This sinking feeling in my stomach showed all over my face.

Liara shook her head, not wanting to picture a disaster like that. We had both made up. We had both moved on from our hurt feelings and disagreements. We didn't have to worry about the asari like this.

Instead, she looked on the bright side, "This is all part of a greater process. In saving each species and world from the Reapers, we are inviting them into our world. We are bringing them into this single collective unconscious, shared as broader allies. I only wish we could return to Insomnia to check on our progress—or search for clues as solid evidence. The captain still has everything cut off."

"Are there any alternatives?" I asked. "Some other way to get in there?"

"Not that I know of… I will keep an eye out for any information I can find."

I brought Liara with me to speak with Admiral Hackett. We updated him on what happened with Sur'Kesh, at least from our experience on the ground. He listened in solemn silence, letting us corroborate everything he'd heard from the reports coming in. We recounted our experiences on the STG base, getting Mordin and the krogan female to the Normandy's med bay, and finding the dalatrass held hostage by her crew in a jungle. About the salarians turning on each other—Liara and I made a point to not mention Insomnia. Just the prescient point linking their madness directly to the Reapers.

Once we finished our explanations, Hackett commented, "It's unfortunate what happened to the salarians. If no one's able to come up with a solution, then they're out of luck. The news about them has already made the rounds across the galaxy. About the dalatrass, too; what she tried to pull off. Safe to say no one has any sympathy for them. Our leaders are trying to push some nuance in. The distinction that the average salarian had no idea about their government's betrayal. Seems like it's sticking."

I wanted to make sure, "So we don't need to expect any widespread shunning of the salarians?"

"Negative, Commander. The salarian councilor was quick to squash that from happening. Even he didn't know about this. The Alliance News Network is working overtime to control the narrative on this one. They're blaming the salarian civil war on this huge fallout, with the truth coming out into the open."

This all seemed like a convenient excuse for my actual blame in this. A very convenient coincidence.

Admiral Hackett tried to encourage me, "Shepard, this isn't your fault. You couldn't have known destroying that devil ship would lead to this. I'm just wondering if there are any other risks out there."

Liara explained, "We have reason to believe the same would happen on Kahje if we were to go there. And, now that I think about it, on Omega. The disparate species there may pose a similar problem."

I understood what Liara meant.

The batarians, vorcha, and other non-Council races on Omega had no real ties to me. Even if I hadn't acted directly against them, I hadn't rallied them to my cause, either. This had something to do with Aria as well. Her enemies would lose their minds if I took out Beelzebub—Omega's devil ship. I saw that as a risk Aria was willing to take if it meant regaining control of her station. I would have to take that risk for her in liberating Omega. Because liberating Omega would liberate the entirety of the Terminus Systems, including the many other colonies there. Places like Illium would remain in danger until I helped Omega.

"I see," said Hackett in pensiveness, not seeing the truth at all. "The sad truth is, we can avoid Kahje. But we can't avoid Omega. We each know what's at stake with the capital of the Terminus Systems. I advise making your way there next, Commander. Our evacuation efforts with the colonists have stalled. Now that the turians have a foothold against the Reapers, we have Alliance ships to spare for the Terminus."

"I will, Admiral. For now, we're headed to the Citadel. C-Sec will handle the dalatrass once we arrive."

"Hell of a thing you pulled off getting her into custody. This is a major victory for the salarian councilor. It'll prove to the galaxy he's serious about cleaning up the Salarian Union's mess. When the time comes, we won't have to twist his arm to send salarian aid to Earth. He'll remember his debts to us."

At least something came out of this nightmare.

"A lot's happened today. I won't keep you any longer. Keep me posted on Omega. I'm hoping you manage to resolve the situation there soon. We could all do with a much-needed break for the holidays. We'll focus on resuming operations after the New Year. Hackett out."