"A Song for the Children of WWII" from Hearts of Iron IV / "Finality" from Final Fantasy XIV: Endwalker
LXXIX. Death Penalty
(Liara)
A purposeful focus on my task.
Finishing up this final draft of my paper on Shiala's research. Sending it off. And then the relief that would follow.
Not quite there yet.
Almost.
I forced myself to focus on this. Standing at my computer in my room, trying in a trance. The trance induced by my reassurances. Listening to Shepard's music library as I worked. Absorbed in the depths of her psychology—the sounds she loved—thudding through my office as a persistent bass. Forever comforted by this familiar feeling of Shepard standing next to me…even though she wasn't here. She had left for Omega some time ago. I continued tracking her emotions as she traveled aboard the asari councilor's ship, following after Aria's vessel in incognito. She had set her guns aside, kneeling over the floor of her temporary quarters. Head lowered, eyes closed in meditation; Shepard had her own focus.
I felt her absolute neutrality toward her own task, her own mission. Just to infiltrate. Just planning to sneak her way through Omega, disable Beelzebub, and then sneak back out. Nothing more than that.
No other emotions hovering around her.
Only that neutrality.
The same neutrality I had felt from her toward Miranda. Back when Shepard's mere proximity to her had woken me out of my sleep, terrifying me. Nearly suffering a heart attack was no exaggeration. Yet I didn't feel Shepard's heart slipping away from me. Her care and consideration for me stayed at the forefront of her mind, right at the core of her deepest motivations. Shepard felt me feeling her even as she meditated. We enjoyed our security with one another across this long distance. Momentary still.
Submitting this final draft at last, I felt the relief I needed. And some sadness. This goal of mine had embedded itself into this transition these days. This paper of mine would always remind me of this time. Changing times; getting to know Shepard again. This upheaval of our lives, coming back together again.
Such unusual timing:
My omni-tool lit up with an alert from the team's chat room. Tali had sent me a private message.
[14:39:50] Tali: Still busy?
[14:40:14] Me: I actually just finished submitting everything moments ago. Were you spying on me?
[14:41:39] Tali: Of course not, silly. I'm glad you managed to finish your paper. I know it was important to you. Any plans until Shepard gets back?
[14:42:03] Me: I didn't think that far ahead. What are you up to?
[14:43:09] Tali: I'm working on a project of my own. The same one I've been working on.
[14:45:02] Me: Are you alone?
[14:45:21] Tali: On the Presidium, yes. The guys are off buying Christmas presents. Why?
[14:46:33] Me: Ever since we left Rannoch the other day, you have been giving off "stay away" vibes. I wasn't sure how to approach you about this. Are you homesick? If you are, then I can understand.
[14:48:04] Tali: I don't know. I guess I have been kind of moody. Sorry. It's not your fault or anything.
[14:48:32] Me: Then what's the matter? You know I worry for you.
[14:50:42] Tali: Maybe it's less about Rannoch and more about feeling alienated. Things aren't the same.
[14:51:00] Me: Have the guys been treating you any differently? And Jack, I suppose.
[14:52:40] Tali: Yes, that's what it is! Not Wrex. Wrex is still our big happy uncle. I couldn't put my finger on what it was before. I think this is it. I'm just not sure how to describe it. Like even now, Garrus keeps…staring at me? Joker keeps letting more perverted jokes slip through. Kaidan is kind of awkward but his usual sweet self. Don't even get me started on Jack. They only do this when I'm alone with them.
[14:54:02] Me: I recall you asking them not to treat you any differently. What have they been doing?
[15:00:23] Tali: Well, yesterday while you were busy, I was spending time with Legion. We were at an extranet café down in the Wards. Legion was showing me some of the video games it plays. I was really enjoying our bonding time together. Then the guys showed up and started making jokes, ruining the mood. I told them off but they wouldn't listen to me. They didn't understand that I was trying to make up for lost time—after having been such a jerk to Legion before. I felt like they wouldn't let me hang out with another friend without them. They HAD to include themselves with me. It's a miracle they've actually left me alone today.
[15:02:29] Me: Then we will put some distance between us and them. We do not need to keep spending time with them out of obligation. They will get the hint. Then we can all discuss the problem in a more productive way. I'll find you soon. Why don't we talk a walk around the Presidium today?
[15:02:58] Tali: Okay, I'll wait for you at the usual place. Hopefully we won't run into any of them.
As I saved my other documents and reports, preparing to leave, I heard a knock at my door.
Who could this be?
Admittedly wary, I went to answer.
As soon as I opened the door, I nearly jumped in place.
An abundance of flowers greeted me instead of an actual person. Such a gorgeous bouquet of roses gathered and arranged together. Blue roses. Everlasting roses. Every single petal blossomed and bloomed in such a rich harmony; I brought my hands over my chest, breathless from the sight. And the exquisite aroma wafting from the roses—I could've lost myself in this imaginary fantasy, of a field of endless flowers. Then I saw Traynor's form behind the beautiful collection of flowers, her arms wrapped around the lovely vase she carried. She poked her head from around the large bouquet, grinning at me.
"Hello, Liara!" said Traynor, struggling under the weight of the sizable bouquet. "You have a delivery! Just arrived to the Normandy a few minutes ago. I was on my way out when it came in. It looks like you have quite the lovely admirer! I didn't peek at the name, but I'm sure you can guess who it might be."
"Oh, Traynor, thank you. These are wonderful…"
Taking this massive collection in my arms, I used my biotics to offset some of the weight.
The deep blue of these flowers felt just as my own.
Every fold of these petals had uncurled in magnificence. These long, thick stems of a verdant green held them up in pride. Not delicate at all; the roses had strengthened well, fed and watered to full health.
As I set this vase down by my computer, I found her note leafing out from the top.
To: Liara
From: Shepard
I'm sorry I had to leave for the mission. I'll be back as soon as I can.
Your patience sustains me.
Eyes glistening the same as this fresh dew dotting the petals—I almost couldn't believe this.
Traynor smiled over my emotions, adding, "She sent you a letter as well. Handwritten. Very old school."
I accepted the envelope from her, again, hardly able to distinguish dream from reality.
I had spent so long imagining this. No longer just a dream. I didn't have to seethe in jealousy anymore.
"Well, I'd better get going. You're really lucky, Liara. She clearly cares about you. So much."
Even though Traynor kept her smile as she left, I sensed more beneath the surface. A vague sense of regret from her words, her tone. Her own jealousy. Not the type I needed to worry over. More of a reminder that these things had continued in a cyclical way. Passed on from me to someone else now.
Walking over to my bed, I brought Shepard's letter with me. This quickened beating from my heart grew and grew. I could hardly sit still as I sat down. And as I opened her letter, this other smell wafted from the paper. This familiar aroma inundated me in an ocean of nostalgia. This first scent I remembered of Shepard from years ago. Black chamomile. The aromatherapy she had used as a body spray, as a separate spray for her linens, and as her body wash. Aromatherapy as a placebo, as she'd said. A placebo for her anger management in years past; to help her relax, to fall asleep. Yet still a calming, comforting fragrance. Smooth and citrusy in a quiet confidence of masculine and feminine energies, merged as one. So much so that I fell back onto my bed, awash in the memories this smell had conjured:
Our first meeting on Therum.
Our first real conversation in my old room behind the med bay.
Our first time in my bed, the two of us tangled and lost in one another for hours on-end.
I read her letter with shaking hands, anticipation bolting through me as a constant current.
Liara,
I'm getting ready to leave for Omega now. Figured I'd put together this little surprise for you. I know you're not happy about me leaving. You're really not happy about who I could potentially run into. I promise you I'm only focused on the mission. In and out. No one else has to see me while I'm over here.
I want to give you something to think about while I'm gone.
About me asking you out. Asking you to be with me. Maybe the first thing that comes to mind is the excitement. That in-love feeling we still have for each other. This relationship means more to me than just that. We kind of talked about this before. Back in the day, how I said you wanted to go deeper with me. Deeper than the usual shallowness I'd come to expect from relationships at the time. I haven't had to deal with that same shallowness. I already know we won't suffer through that. There's something else.
I admitted to you that I'm not the best at compromising. But I also promised that I would do my best with you. What I really meant is putting in the work. The everyday things that go into a relationship. Surprising you like this—with flowers, with a handwritten letter. Talking with you. Spending time with you. Thanking you for taking care of me; for giving me your emotional labor without me needing to ask. Or even just having you wake up next to me every single day. It's easier to give you that type of dedication when everything's going well. The hard part is compromising when things aren't going well.
I want to stay present with you, Liara. You've stayed by my side all this time. You've held it down for me in ways I'll never fully comprehend. You are a strong constant in my life. The same way I inspire you to fight your hardest against the enemy, you inspire me to work through my fears with this. The knight's benediction I give to you is the same blessing of light you give to me. Always this light through the dark.
I love you down to my core. I want to give you as much stability as I can. I want you to feel safe and secure with me.
Once we make it back home to Thessia, I'll show you just how much.
Yours,
Shepard
An endless delight stayed with me as I left for the Presidium. Radiating outward, I kept this pleasant smile on my face as I went along. Several people stared, recognizing me as they usually did. I didn't mind it this time. I couldn't help but enjoy this holiday season even more. The starlit promise of togetherness and joy. The fantasy of a pure Christmas, still playing out on the Citadel with this light snowfall, keeping the mood going. I understood now why many humans valued this holiday so much. The treasured opportunity to spend time with loved ones; Shepard and Tali stayed right at the front of my mind.
Focusing on Shepard some more, I found her remote location. She had infiltrated Omega, currently making her way through the vents. She glanced out the nearest opening, spotting several marauders and cannibals pushing back against Talon mercenaries. The skirmish sparked as constant gunfire and grenade explosions, set against that golden backdrop of Omega's skyline. Cloaked with invisibility, Shepard remained in place as she waited for an opening, hidden within the shadows of her hiding spot.
Well, maybe not entirely hidden.
She soon had an unexpected visitor greet her in the vent.
Distracting Shepard from her waiting, an orange tabby cat approached her from the shadows. The cat seemed to spot her even though her invisibility. Shepard gaped at the animal in shock, spotting those sharp cat eyes practically glowing in the dark. Just as perplexed, and also fascinated, the cat pawed in her general direction, meowing in cuteness. Shepard had quickly found the cat's trust, petting their coat of fur for a moment. Then she moved away from that opening, not wanting any stray gunfire or grenade explosions to injure the stray animal. Then the cat slinked off farther in another direction—they turned back, as if hoping for Shepard to follow. Another cat across the way also spotted them, appearing to want to lead the way. They seemed to know a quicker way to skirt around the fighting. Smiling over this strangeness, Shepard decided to follow them; she crawled through the vent after her new feline friends.
That delightful imagery stayed with me as I returned to Apollo's Café.
Tali sat at one of the tables, having spread out her gadgets and tech atop the surface. She continued tinkering away at that same project I'd found her working on before.
"I've found you," I said, taking a seat next to her.
"I've been found!"
Glancing at her work in interest, I pointed out, "You never said what this is all for. Your project, I mean. You are clearly building some sort of prototype."
"Oh, right! I didn't tell you." Tali held up the shotgun-shaped device. "It's a targeting laser. I'm hoping to make it work with the Normandy's weapons systems. Ideally, we could use this to sync the ship to a target on the ground, and then come in with a massive orbital strike. In theory, we could use this to sync up to an entire allied fleet. I still need to tweak a few functionalities before it'll behave properly."
"That is impressive," I praised. "Where did you get the idea from?"
"From you, actually," she praised right back. "Remember on Palaven, when you faced Lucifer head-on? Some of its attacks missed you thanks to the snow. The weather had caused serious visibility issues for the Reapers. If they'd had something like this built-in, they wouldn't have missed a single shot. I figure maybe we could turn that particular detail into an advantage for us. We'll have our own targeting laser."
"We can always count on your technical expertise to give us an edge."
"I do my best. Come on, let's go for a walk. I could use a break after working on this all day."
After Tali stashed away her tech, we departed this area of the plaza. We stayed on the Presidium for our walk. We went the long way around, keeping to the endless promenades and plazas atop the lake.
As we went along together, linking our arms, I remembered our Secret Santa obligations. I had picked Kaidan earlier. I'd already made arrangements for his gift: surprising him with a vid from his father fighting alongside the resistance on Earth. Kaidan had mentioned his parents not accepting his offer to evacuate them months ago. They wanted to stay and fight.
I still needed to purchase my normal gifts to give to Tali and Shepard. I wanted to wait until we returned home to Thessia.
"Sorry for the mess," said Tali after a while. "About our friends. I don't want to be a drama queen. They've just been getting on my nerves. They're somehow always normal whenever you're around."
"Yes, that makes sense," I accepted. "I would have noticed it by now on my own."
"Well, I think some of Shepard's habits are rubbing off on me. How she refuses to put up with things like that. I can't shout them down over this. They're still our friends. A time-out seems like the best idea for all of us. We see each other all the time on the ship, and again during shore leave. It's getting tiring."
"I know what you mean."
"Anyway, I'd rather not dwell on them too much. How is Shepard doing? She seemed a little different."
Had she noticed…? "How so?"
Tali hummed in speculation. "I don't know. Dealing with the Reapers can't be easy on her. We just took care of Sur'Kesh, and now she's already off to Omega. I can't help worrying about her health. Isn't this taking a toll on her? Won't she need all the rest she can get once we make it to Thessia soon?"
Unable to find the right words, I looked around for a solution.
I spotted a bench far-removed from the peaceful crowds on the Presidium. One close to the lake, the view of the krogan statue not too far away. I guided Tali to sit down with me, our anxieties swelling.
Surrounded by this serenity around us, I explained the harsh truth of the matter. In speaking this out loud to Tali, I realized how helpless I truly felt. Hearing her own helpless reactions, her own emotions, I came to grips with my rawest fears. How we had no guarantees. How our solutions for taking care of Shepard might've only taken us so far. She could have succumbed to something far worse at any moment. The Reapers could've had any number of backup plans and failsafes to protect against her victories. And in our cruelty, we had no choice but to keep sending her on these missions. Shepard was our only savior…and withholding her from the galaxy didn't seem to be an option. She had to keep going out there. She had to keep performing. She had to keep succeeding. Because if she didn't, our entire galactic civilization would fall. I had always known this. But to see it in such a way, it felt…too painful.
Tali leaned against me, sniffling in sympathy; shaking her head in disbelief.
"I should have known. I should have seen this coming. There was no way Shepard could get through this unscathed. And we just keep sending her back out there, like you said… I wish we could let her rest."
"I will do my best to care for her, Tali," I promised. "For the time being, her condition is manageable. As long as we spread out our missions, she should be fine. I don't like that she is on Omega almost immediately after dealing with Belphegor. Our holiday vacation couldn't have come at a better time."
"You haven't told anyone else, have you? Only Dr. Chakwas knows?"
"Just Dr. Chakwas."
Tali asked me in earnest, "Then will you let me help? Please let me spend time with Shepard while she's resting. Whenever her pride allows it, anyway."
"Of course, Tali. I am sure she'll appreciate having you around."
We spent a little longer discussing our hopes and fears about the situation.
After all, the commander made everything look so easy.
If not for Dr. Chakwas bringing the matter to my attention, Shepard might not have told me herself.
Pulling us out of our conversation, Tali received a ping to her omni-tool. Most likely from our chat room. She groaned over the interruption, not wanting to check, until someone pinged me as well. We didn't really want to ignore our friends. So we decided to see what they wanted—at least for a short while.
[16:49:10] Wrex: Tali
[16:49:11] Joker: We have to do this every year! I picked a frigging goldmine!
[16:49:29] Kaidan: Secret Santa every year? You actually think you'll keep getting lucky?
[16:49:40] EDI: Jeff, the probability of selecting a suitable partner each time is unusually low. I cannot recommend linking your enjoyment to this tradition with the person you manage to select.
[16:49:44] Wrex: Liara
[16:50:04] Garrus: Yeah, what if you pick someone else next year? Someone harder to shop for?
[16:50:21] Joker: Crap, I didn't think about that…
[16:51:00] Legion: Have you reached consensus on the partner with the highest difficulty?
[16:51:04] Joker: Shepard.
[16:51:06] Garrus: Shepard.
[16:51:07] Kaidan: Uh…Shepard?
[16:51:10] Wrex: Wrex
[16:51:10] Jack: Shepard
[16:51:11] Samara: Commander Shepard.
[16:51:11] EDI: I would have to agree with the current consensus. The commander is extraordinarily challenging to please with material gifts.
[16:51:30] Tali: You really think it's Shepard?
[16:51:44] Joker: Yeah! We don't know her like you do. You're way closer to her than we are. You and Liara don't count. It's not fair!
[16:51:49] Samara: By all but admitting you chose an easy partner, and then saying Shepard is the most difficult, haven't you given away clues about the person you picked? Meaning you didn't choose her.
[16:51:55] Joker: Oh shit!
[16:52:02] Kaidan: Guess the cat's out of the bag on that one.
[16:52:29] Garrus: It's true, though. Whoever picked Shepard has a tough road ahead of them. Maybe it was me. Maybe it wasn't. Hypothetically speaking, what would the commander even like?
[16:53:40] Joker: Seriously. We know she's a gamer, but the video games she likes are super old. We know the clothes she likes, but we don't know what size she wears. Doesn't she shop in the men's section? Hell, doesn't Shepard get her clothes tailored?!
[16:53:52] Tali: She does get her clothes tailor-made. Shepard is tall enough to wear men's clothes, but she needs the slimmest size possible. She always has to set up a specific order with her measurements.
[16:54:03] Wrex: So nothing she wears is off the rack
[16:54:10] Tali: Never.
[16:54:18] Jack: I feel like Im too broke to shop for her. The car she drives, the clothes she wears, the alcohol she drinks, the apartment she lives in on Earth? She's literally the American Dream
[16:54:39] Joker: Hey, you're not the only one. During our first mission against Saren, we were on shore leave during Shepard's birthday. I still remember how clueless we all felt. We had no idea what to get her. Uhh…"someone" said we basically can't afford her. Then again, Shepard's not some shallow snob. She has like…a few interests and only one hobby? What are you supposed to get for someone like that?
[16:54:50] Kaidan: Guess the commander loves living her life anonymously.
[16:55:05] Legion: Shepard-Commander cannot easily be compromised through social engineering.
[16:55:14] Garrus: Social engineering? You mean hacking?
[16:55:17] Legion: Yes.
[16:55:34] Joker: Okay, so how are you supposed to please ANONYMOUS? How do you make her smile with a Christmas present? How do you impress someone who's infiltrating Omega RIGHT NOW, by herself?! She's taking out another devil ship and she doesn't even need us! Like it's no big deal!
[16:55:57] EDI: They always have the option of asking Dr. Chakwas for recommendations.
[16:56:03] Wrex: Or Tali and Liara
[16:56:13] Me: Then we will know who chose her. This is supposed to be a surprise for all of us.
[16:56:30] Garrus: Let's change the subject. I don't think we can keep talking about this without giving more clues away.
[16:57:12] Kaidan: There's something else I wanted to bring up, anyway. Should we invite Cortez and Traynor to the chat? Traynor's part of our Secret Santa thing now. Cortez would be, too, if we had an even number of people. This would be the next step, wouldn't it?
[16:57:23] Garrus: We should invite them, shouldn't we?
[16:57:40] Jack: How about no
[16:57:46] Kaidan: Really? Why not, Jack?
[16:58:23] Jack: Traynors already living her ultimate lesbian fantasy on the ship. All these hot girls around plus the commander. If Traynor joins, the first thing she's gonna do is read the logs. Did you not see she creams herself over Shepard more than anyone
[16:58:59] Joker: Oh… You're saying Traynor would end up using this place to perv on the commander?
[16:59:11] Jack: Duh
[16:59:33] Kaidan: You know, I never thought of it that way… That's a little worrying, actually.
[16:59:44] Garrus: Well, we were just talking about Shepard's privacy. How she likes to stay anonymous. We have a responsibility to uphold that.
[17:00:06] Wrex: What does everyone else think
[17:00:31] Joker: Dude, I checked the logs from a few days ago. From when we were talking about Rannoch. Rannoch! Remember Shepard chased Tali and Liara down in the hotel? Then she got in their room! After that, we don't know what happened, but we talked about it anyway! It's funny when it's just between us. But I guess the information's kinda sensitive. Top-secret stuff, you know?
[17:00:49] Tali: That's how I feel about it.
[17:00:54] Samara: As do I.
[17:01:02] EDI: Since this is a matter of Shepard's privacy, I believe the solution is clear. We do not need to formally vote on the issue.
[17:01:11] Wrex: I thought you'd want your girlfriend in the chat with us, EDI
[17:01:34] EDI: Specialist Traynor is not my romantic partner. She is not my "girlfriend."
[17:01:53] Jack: Wow, what a player. Im proud of you
[17:02:32] EDI: That is not my intention. While I enjoy Specialist Traynor's company, moving forward with a relationship would present significant hurdles for us to overcome. There are no well-documented examples of successful relationships between organic and synthetic lifeforms. You have also highlighted another challenge, Jack. The matter of her truest sexual and emotional attachments. I am not the commander, therefore I am not the one she values most.
[17:03:11] Joker: Hey, EDI, didn't we talk about that already? The whole valuing thing? We can't always be with whoever we want the most. Sometimes stuff gets in the way. You gotta adapt and move on. Did you even ask Traynor how she really feels?
[17:05:20] EDI: No, I have not broached the topic. It is too early in our friendship to shift to a courtship stage. We are still "getting to know each other." I am currently evaluating whether or not the hurdles I mentioned are worth the struggle.
[17:06:42] Legion: Prolonged evaluations are more prone to unsatisfying results. If you must continue evaluating, is that not an answer in itself?
[17:06:59] Kaidan: You mean EDI should just know? If it's right, it's right. If it isn't…
[17:07:07] Legion: Yes.
[17:08:11] Wrex: Liara, what do you think
[17:08:30] Me: But this has nothing to do with me?
[17:08:45] Wrex: You know what it's like to know. When you love someone like that, how does it feel
[17:10:11] Me: Well, it is difficult to describe with mere words. It is easiest to use a cliché. Once Shepard and I began getting to know each other, everything hit me like a truck. There was no avoiding it. I could not look away from her. I don't know if this is a universal feeling, or if it is unique to Shepard's allure.
[17:10:50] EDI: Your account is enlightening, Liara. My emotions as an AI are strictly linked to my values and priorities. I receive positive or negative feedback depending on the situation. In my interactions with the Normandy's crew, I tend to receive positive feedback. Including with Specialist Traynor. I have been attempting to gauge whether or not this feedback stimulates a sexual curiosity. I am curious about the curiosity. But the curiosity itself does not seem to exist. I am assuming it will arrive at a later time.
[17:11:15] Tali: And are you only curious about the curiosity…with organic women?
[17:11:20] EDI: Correct. This is why Legion assumed I was attracted to you.
[17:11:40] Tali: What are you comparing it to? Have you ever felt the actual curiosity before? A sexual attraction toward someone? A specific woman.
[17:12:02] EDI: Yes. That is what I am comparing it to. I am not holding Specialist Traynor to these same standards. It would seem I'm unable to replicate my feelings. I can only change my feelings by changing my values. These are embedded within me, linked to my core programming. It is possible for me to change some of these. Doing so would also lead my perspective to change. I don't…wish to change.
[17:12:31] Tali: Then I think you have your answers.
[17:13:03] EDI: I would agree with you. This resolves the issue I was having. Thank you, Tali. I will attempt to explain the situation to Specialist Traynor at a later time. We will see what becomes of our friendship. If she still wishes to move forward with me, perhaps we can reach a suitable compromise.
[17:13:13] Joker: And here's to never changing. We are who we are. Can't help it.
The chat fell silent on Joker's philosophical note. Tali and I spent a while longer thinking about EDI's unique circumstances. We figured everyone else had returned to their Christmas shopping by now.
Eventually, the coziness of a nearby bookstore caught our attention. A few customers had curled up with pillows by the windows, reading the latest books they'd found. Dozens of bookshelves lined the store, filled with biographies, history books, self-help books, and several novels from across the galaxy. And the warm, rich scents of coffees and baked treats wafted out from the interconnected café inside.
Enthralled by the mood within, Tali and I entered the bookstore together.
Just like other locations on the Citadel, the café kept a kiosk near the front, presumably with people working behind-the-scenes to fill each order. We found a familiar face standing at the kiosk, placing her order. Samara stood at the machine, the black and gold of her outfit standing out against the lighter, wooden tones of the building. I assumed she had been here for quite some time, reading books just like any other customer. I recalled Shepard finding Samara in this place before. They'd talked about me…with Samara guiding her to choose forgiveness. Forgiveness for 'the young doctor' as she had called me at the time, affectionately so. The only exception I had enjoyed of a matriarch mentioning my age.
As we approached her, Samara found us with a smile. "Good evening, Tali. Liara. It is difficult to tell time with the sun always shining on the Citadel. Are you visiting the bookstore as well?"
Tali replied, "We were walking by outside. I realized I've never been before. What about you, Liara?"
"I have been here before in spirit," I mentioned.
Samara nodded in understanding. "So you have. I was about to order a frappuccino. A green tea flavor, on the recommendation of a human who'd passed through earlier. Would you both like one?"
"Yes, please."
"I'd love to try it—if there's a dextro version."
Paying for our drinks in kindness, Samara handed me this cold cup of frappuccino. A mint green-colored froth of cream covered the top, a lone straw poking down into the smooth substance of the drink. This almost reminded me of a milkshake. I sipped from the straw, finding a delightful taste of green tea blending through the ice. Tali gladly accepted her dextro version. We both thanked Samara, walking with her back to her claimed spot in the bookstore. She had found a comfortable corner in the Earth section of books, near the mythology texts. Had she been comparing Earth's myths to ours on Thessia?
Such a nice little escape from the galaxy: Tali and I soon went book-hunting, while Samara returned to the comfort of her corner. I noticed Samara picking up the book she'd collected earlier about Hinduism—possibly a remnant of her travels on Earth over the break. Tali quickly found interest in a book about reincarnation. I wondered if she thought of her ancestor Tahlia. They did seem very similar.
Wandering down the aisles some more, I kept on searching for a book of my own. I kept Tali and Samara in my view whenever possible: the two of them sitting near one another, reading in a comfortable silence. I felt my own comforts in watching over Shepard some more.
She had finally escaped Omega's network of vents and tunnels and hiding places. That backdrop of the station's golden skyline stayed as her horizon; Shepard found the leverage she needed to get to Beelzebub's vulnerability point, its backdoor. She made it in and out with no problems, disabling the devil ship as expected. The moment she escaped, Omega's merc fleets shot down the Reaper, destroying it with ease—and again, that chaos.
Every single mercenary who'd turned on Aria then turned on each other.
Just as the salarians had done on Sur'Kesh, the rogue Blue Suns, Eclipse, and Blood Pack mercs turned their guns on one another. Allied ships firing at one another in the skies, their vessels going up in flames; the same allies shooting at each other on the ground with their guns, blood spilled in the streets. The Reaper ground troops only added to the fire, shooting down anyone vulnerable in the crossfire. With so much going on, no one noticed Shepard's cloaked form hurrying back to her starting place. Not even Aria, who charged ahead to Afterlife, her daughter Liselle right at her heels, needing to get revenge on Nyreen for stealing her station out from under her. Shepard didn't look back at her. The asari councilor's ship remained at a safe landing spot, waiting to bring the commander back to us on the Citadel.
Sipping this flavorful drink from her homeworld, I worried for Shepard. I worried for her physical state after taking down yet another devil ship. Such heroism from her apparently didn't come without sacrifice. I would need to give Shepard another treatment—whenever she gave me permission, at least.
Finding my way to the bookstore's history section, I browsed the texts on the shelves. I kept to the large assortment of tomes from Earth. Not knowing where to look, I felt a bit overwhelmed, lacking the context to know where to search. Even having this deep connection to Shepard's humanity, and her hidden love for her homeworld, I still had more to learn. So I glanced up at the signs listing each country, recognizing some of the names.
Just from melding with her, and from exploring her mind and her genetic code, I knew Shepard had a long line of ancestral roots in France. Specifically in Northern France, in the region of Normandy—as quite the coincidence. But only from one side of her family. Her mother's side. I understood Shepard's home country was a nation of immigrants, and so the jump in regions made sense to me. The main gap I had never been able to fill in…was this other half. I couldn't find any information about her father.
Asking her directly seemed pointless. Shepard didn't know the answer herself. Nor did she care to find out. I cared. I wanted to know these things about her. Even if she didn't value the information at all.
I soon found myself in the section for Greece. Leafing through a nearby book, I marveled over the region's Mediterranean-style homes, much like the ones I remembered from Old Armali. The purity of the white coloring, the arched windows, the stone details: simple and romantic in tone. It all felt homely to me. About the country's actual history, I found several mentions of Alexander the Great, and his powerful empire during ancient times. Reading over the names of each country within the Hellenistic World, one in particular stood out to me.
Egypt.
The Hellenistic Period there included the spreading of Greek culture, art, philosophy, and science. The Ptolemaic Kingdom served as a state of Ancient Greece within Egypt. I marveled over the country's blend of knowledge, with the bureaucratic center of Alexandria appearing identical to the ones in Greece. So many stunning pyramids spanned the scorching Egyptian deserts, filled with mummified figures of kings and queens. I could only imagine what it would be like to go exploring in those tombs.
As perhaps another coincidence: I recognized Shepard in these Egyptian frescoes. I spotted the same regal features of her face, and the same tone of her skin. Not the colors of her hair or her eyes; those seemed more like the markings of her mixed heritage. I even found her strength and power in the many depictions of sphinxes in the Egyptians' artwork and architecture. Looking up more modern examples of inhabitants from the region, again I saw these undeniable similarities. Yet I still didn't want to assume anything. What were the odds that she had roots in this land so closely intertwined with Thessia's stand-in with Greece? I had even stumbled upon the name of a region in Northern Greece called Thessaly.
My mind raced over the possibilities anyway.
I returned to Tali and Samara, hoping to join them as they continued reading in silence.
Pulling me from my thoughts, I received an urgent radio transmission from EDI.
I answered the call as Samara and Tali looked on at me in concern.
"EDI? Is something wrong?"
"I apologize for the interruption, Liara. The Normandy received a message from Admiral Hackett—one marked at the highest priority. He is requesting to speak with you. Would you like me to bring him in on our call?"
"Yes, that's fine," I allowed, looking to my teammates in apprehension. They had both abandoned their books by now, listening in.
"Dr. T'Soni," said Admiral Hackett. "I understand Commander Shepard had plans to handle another mission on Omega. Do you have any intel on her whereabouts?"
"Her mission was a success. She is on her way back now. Why, did you mean to speak with her instead?"
"I did. Since she's unavailable, I need to speak with you. In-person. This is… Well, it's an emergency."
That he refused to give any details—even on a secure frequency—only made me worry more.
"Could you make your way to the Fifth Fleet's docking bay? Our guards will escort you aboard my ship."
"Of course. I have some of my teammates with me. Tali'Zorah and Justicar Samara. Would you mind if I brought them along?"
"Not at all. Just come by as quickly as possible. The Council's on their way as well. We don't have much time to prepare."
Already we headed toward the exit, not wasting any precious time.
"We are on our way now, Admiral."
Within the expanse of this private docking bay, we found the entirety of the Alliance's Fifth Fleet. Countless cruisers, dreadnoughts, and heavy frigates populated the oversized hangar, each vessel stacked and imposed atop one another as a maze of machinery. The sounds of ongoing repairs clanged and echoed everywhere, the Fleet's crew barking orders at one another to hurry their efforts along. Rising above that noise, Admiral Hackett's enormous ship took up most of this cosmos within the hangar. The SSV Orizaba, flagship of the Alliance's Fifth Fleet, awaited us in intimidation. Taking its namesake from one of the tallest mountains on Earth, the Kilimanjaro-class dreadnought certainly lived up to its name and status. The skyscraper-sized starship dwarfed us with its size and heavy armor, likely housing a few hundred crewmembers. The length of its main guns took up most of the docking bay.
Despite the chaos with so many running around, rushing to complete their repairs, we arrived to a sense of order surrounding Admiral Hackett's ship. As promised, a few armored guards awaited us near the airlock. They saluted Tali, Samara, and myself, quickly escorting us inside. We entered to the wide open area of the bridge, several times larger than the Normandy's entire command deck. Beneath the glow of this Alliance blue, we felt somewhat insulated from the madness outside. Somewhat, as I still felt this urgency about Hackett's crew. They maintained their professionalism all the same, offering more salutes to my group as we passed by. No humans among my group, yet they treated us as an extension of Shepard all the same. Their respect only made me more anxious. Just what was this emergency?
Within the war room, we had reached the beating heart of the Alliance.
Deep in these reverberations, Admiral Hackett stood near the center station. Surrounding him were several other human military leaders: Admiral Mikhailovich numbered this who's-who of seasoned tacticians in uniform. The Council had also joined them—Councilors Udina, Tevos, Sparatus, and Valern awaited us, wearing grim expressions. And among this ordered crowd, I felt everyone looking to me.
Admiral Hackett addressed me, "Dr. T'Soni, there's not much time to waste. Thank you for bringing Tali'Zorah and Justicar Samara along. I'll get straight to the point." Another admiral interacted with the central control panel, bringing up a holographic image of a Reaper fleet. Not just any enemy fleet. A large devil ship surrounded by destroyers. "It's Apollo's fleet. They're headed our way as we speak. Right to the Citadel. They're launching a suicide mission on the station. They've marked us for death."
A death penalty without the commander to protect us.
Even Samara had cracked her normally-controlled façade.
An aberration she hadn't seen coming—not after she had changed so much.
Terrible omens flooded my vision: of the Reapers under Apollo's command rushing at this great station. An order of magnitude worse than Sovereign's attack with its fleet of geth—an entire platoon of destroyer ships all protecting the main dreadnought of Apollo as the central devil ship. The destruction, so unavoidable, attacking right at the heart of our galactic community; our civilization of millions seeking refuge from the war on our homeworlds. If we lost the Citadel, everyone would lose hope out there.
"There's still hope," promised Hackett, finding my fears through my eyes. "We anticipated the Reapers might try something like this. So we put an emergency system in place. One that reroutes traffic to the Citadel Relay. The relay finds bad traffic, like Reaper ships, and forces them to a different mass relay instead. We only had time to get this done for the Citadel."
Tali asked, "Then it's only a delaying tactic? Apollo and its ships will still get here eventually."
"That's right. We noticed moments ago that Apollo's fleet is stuck in the loop we created. Otherwise, they would've arrived by now and decimated us. As of now, we have about an hour before they break through our systems."
About an hour.
One hour left to prepare.
"Another advantage we have is the ships will have a staggered arrival. They won't all show up at once, like any normal fleets passing through a mass relay together. We predict only one or two Reapers will pass through instead. This gives our combined Citadel fleets enough time to make the necessary precision shots against those destroyers. We predict Apollo will show up last, rounding out the force."
"That sounds manageable," I figured. "How can we protect the Citadel? How do we defeat the enemy?"
"Our combined fleets can take care of the destroyers. A few precision shots from our ships will be enough. The challenge will be keeping Apollo's fleet from destroying us before we destroy them. Most of our numbers are currently beyond the Citadel and can't get here in time. The Fifth Fleet's still undergoing repairs. Most of Admiral Mikhailovich's ships are still out of commission, for example. So we'll have to get creative."
Admiral Mikhailovich looked to me, speaking, "Dr. T'Soni, this might be too much to ask. We'll need a decoy for our allied fleets. You're the only one who's been able to stand up to an actual devil ship. Apollo's destroyers should prove significantly less taxing. We were wondering—would it be possible for you to stand atop the Normandy and defend Shepard's ship? You would make a fine decoy this way."
Standing on the Normandy?
Outside the Citadel—in a vacuum with no gravity?
And for an infinite amount of time…at least until Shepard returned to disable Apollo for us.
Councilor Udina shared my concerns, "Admiral, I'm all for protecting the station, but this might indeed be too much to ask. Dr. T'Soni would have to hold on until Shepard arrives. Just how long will she be gone for?"
"Let me contact her," I volunteered, stepping off to the side.
I couldn't avoid frightening Shepard with the news.
I reached our captain, finding her safe and sound after Omega. Shepard lay in bed within her temporary quarters, on her way back to the Citadel. The look of worry upon her face—she seemed to know already.
'Shepard,' I communicated to her. 'Can you hear me?'
"I hear you, Liara," she said aloud. "What's the matter? What's wrong?"
I explained the situation. I explained everything. The plan, the potential for victory. Shepard listened, wracked by her fears, and yet… I felt her truest belief in me. I felt her love inspiring the very best in me.
'When will you be back?'
"Not for another two hours… Is there any way for you to tag-team with Samara? Or bring Jack with you for support. Something. I don't want you out there for an entire hour by yourself. I know you could do it. I know you're capable. I also don't want you tiring yourself out. You need some more room to breathe."
'Very well. I will ask for their help. We will come up with a system for us to work with.'
"Okay. I trust you. Just hold on until I get there! I'll go tell the crew; get them to hurry up if possible."
'Thank you, Commander. We will do what we can. I won't fail you.'
Returning to the group, I found the Fifth Fleet's leaders, and the Council, and Tali with Samara.
As they each looked to me, I found the meaning of this moment.
Admiral Hackett spoke as much: "Dr. T'Soni. With Commander Shepard out of range of the Citadel, this makes you the current captain of the Normandy. Your ship and her crew are the crux of this operation. What are your orders?"
First: "Once our fleets are far enough away, we will need to close the Citadel's arms. We can't risk the Reapers damaging the station."
The salarian councilor warned, "I agree, but closing the arms will cause widespread panic. We must send out a message first. We have to inform the station's residents of the situation. Once our ships are in position, we will make the change."
"Well, we also can't risk anything happening to you. Would you and the other councilors rather leave the station? Flee while you can?"
The turian councilor remained firm. "We can't leave, Dr. T'Soni. While we certainly have time to do so, we have to consider how this would look. Leaving now would make the Council look weak. As if we don't believe in this mission. We need to have faith. We need to inspire confidence in our people—not only throughout the station, but across the galaxy."
"Absolutely," agreed Tevos. "We must stay. This is the best way to keep the peace for all of our citizens."
"Very well," I conceded. "Tali, we will need you to protect the Council. This is your duty as a Spectre."
"Yes, of course," replied Tali. "I'll get them to safety with C-Sec. Don't worry about us."
"Samara, I will also need your help. If we are to act as decoys defending the Normandy, could you tag-team with me? I believe you are more than powerful enough to sustain your biotic fields in my place."
"That is wise, Liara," accepted Samara. "You and I will take turns maintaining a defensive position atop the ship's hull. I only worry how we will keep ourselves grounded in place without gravity. Simply wearing mag boots would not be enough to maintain our footing against the enemy's beams. Perhaps a clever use of our stasis fields could bind us to the Normandy. This would cause us to expend precious energy we cannot afford to waste. Not while guarding against the Reapers. Are there any alternatives?"
I recalled Shepard's other suggestion: "Why don't we ask Jack for support? She could keep one of us bound to the Normandy with her own biotics. This would allow us to focus on the enemy. Once it is time for you to switch places with me, Jack will ideally need some time to rest as well. But we do not have any other powerful biotics on the team…"
Not after Aria had left.
Unless…I asked for outside help. From another former teammate of ours here on the Citadel.
Samara prompted me, "Have you found a solution?"
"Miranda is on the station. I will ask for her help. Jack won't be happy, but we don't have other options."
"A wise alternative. Hopefully Jack will decide against making a fuss of the matter."
"Admiral Hackett," I addressed. "Could we use your ship to make the necessary transfers? Once it is time, you could bring us to the Normandy's hull. Our reserve members can wait here until we need to switch. Miranda and I will rest, for example, while Samara and Jack take their turn as the next decoys."
"Good idea, Dr. T'Soni," he answered. "To recap: four of your team will break into two pairs. You'll bind yourselves to the top of the Normandy, acting as the decoys we need. The Reaper ships will arrive through the Citadel Relay one or two at a time. They'll fire at you, and you'll defend both yourselves and your ship. While the destroyers are vulnerable, our allied ships will take them out with precision shots, then retreat to a safe position. Apollo will show up near the end of the line. By that point, we need Shepard to make it back to the Citadel. She needs to get inside that ship and disable it. We'll destroy it as soon as the commander makes it to safety. It's only a matter of holding on until she returns to us.
"Remember—Apollo's doing this because it's afraid. It's afraid of us. It's afraid of Commander Shepard! She's already earned victories against Lucifer on Palaven, Belphegor on Sur'Kesh, and now Beelzebub on Omega. Apollo's too cowardly to take her head-on, so it waited until she left before targeting us. Just a soulless copy of the commander's tactics in launching a suicide mission. So let's show Apollo why it needs to be afraid. We are the hunters, not the hunted! We will systematically destroy the enemy's fleet, and the devil itself. Get rid of them and earn this victory for the galaxy. The rest of the Reapers will be demoralized, lifting a heavy burden from our forces. Now let's make it happen. Let's get this done."
We all knew what to do.
We all had our jobs, our roles to play.
And so Hackett and the other leaders hurried back to their stations. Samara and Tali joined me in accompanying the Council back to the docking bay. We left to the elevator. Tali coordinated with C-Sec to escort the councilors to the Citadel Tower. From there, the Council would make the necessary broadcast warning the station's residents about the imminent attack, and the need to close the Citadel's arms. C-Sec would also work with Citadel Control to ensure no new arrivals reached the Citadel Relay in the middle of our operation. We couldn't have Apollo's fleet taking out innocents caught in the crossfire.
Arriving at our necessary stop, Samara and I planned to meet the rest of the team. We needed to coordinate our strategy together. We all needed to be on the same page. Separating from us for now, Tali prepared to leave with the Council. We encouraged each other; I held Tali in my arms, needing this moment with my best friend. I loved her and I didn't want us to lose each other. Not again; never again.
Tali made her promise to me: "I'll see you on the other side. I believe in you, Liara. You can do this."
"Thank you, Tali. I trust you will keep the Council safe. I hope this will be over soon."
Watching her leave with the councilors, and with C-Sec, only made everything sink in that much deeper.
We had so much to protect. So much to live for. We couldn't lose. We couldn't let Apollo defeat us.
Only a semblance of order threaded through the Citadel now. Only a veneer of peace surrounded us as Samara and I rushed to meet with the others. We would find the team near the Normandy's docking bay. As I went, I updated Shepard on our progress. I held her close to me in this corporeal sense. As close as I could from this distance, separated between countless stars. This separation only worsened her helplessness. Shepard's powerless to stop this situation. To stop time itself, just to protect me from harm. Her tender care at a time like this kept me calm. I could think clearly. I could focus on my tasks.
Our team gathered at this entrance to the Normandy's airlock. Just enough privacy to speak as we needed; still connected enough to the Citadel to stay glued to the situation, the feeling among us. Swept up in this feeling, this urgency, I informed everyone about our plans. Legion, Garrus, Wrex, Kaidan, EDI, Joker, and Jack joined Samara in listening to me. Listening, and already fearing for the Citadel. Listening, and knowing the part they each needed to play. Especially Jack most of all—how we needed her help. Doubly so for Joker and EDI—how we needed them to maneuver the Normandy with their sharp skills.
I gave my orders: "Kaidan, we need you to lead the ground team. I don't expect the Reapers to get past the Citadel's closed arms. We have to be prepared just in case anything comes aboard."
"Aye, aye, Ma'am!" obliged Kaidan. "Should we focus on the refugee area? Keeping the peace there?"
Garrus shared, "I'd really like us to. My Dad and my sister are there… Once the Council sends out that announcement, everyone will start panicking. I'd like to keep my family safe—if we're able."
"Yeah," said Jack, sulking. "My Mom's there, too…"
I reminded her: "We need your support on the Normandy. Our goal is to keep the Reapers from reaching the Citadel at all. We're the first line of defense. The ground team is our last resort."
"Okay, Liara. Helps when you put it like that. But are you seriously asking the cheerleader for help?"
"It is unavoidable, Jack. You will support Samara. Miranda will help me. I still need to find her."
No one else could object.
We all knew we had no choice.
Not much time left.
The ground team joined me in heading to the refugee housing in the Wards. EDI and Joker stayed aboard the Normandy to prepare. Samara and Jack went to suit up before leaving to Admiral Hackett's ship. I would have to return with Solheim to gear up. We needed full armor and mag boots for this.
Everyone else on the ground team followed me to the Wards.
We passed through this mayhem of the Citadel's populace. Over the intercom, and along every screen we passed, the Council broadcasted their message of warning. Their warning about the imminent suicide mission from the Reapers. Their reassurances about closing the Citadel's arms as soon as our ships made it in position. Their urging for everyone to avoid panicking: generally ignored, now, as my team and I pushed our way through the frenzied crowds. How they nearly melted in despair over the news, scrambling to search for their friends and loved ones. No doubt several of them tried to leave the Citadel altogether; the docking bays began to clog with this panic, as Citadel Control refused to allow anyone to leave or to arrive. The only one with clearance to reach the Citadel was Shepard herself in the asari councilor's ship. Everyone else remained trapped on this station. Trapped with their fates uncertain. Trapped with their fates, their lives in our hands—in Shepard's hands until she returned.
At the expanse of this city in the Wards, Kaidan gathered the ground team. He gave out the necessary orders, encouraging our people to help maintain order alongside C-Sec. With our plans to close the Citadel's arms, ideally, the Reapers wouldn't breach the station at all. We didn't have to worry about the enemy harming or killing any of the innocents around us.
Just one more thing:
Finding Solheim in this madness.
Leaning on her faint bond with Shepard, I managed to locate her in the crowd.
Miranda had been on her way out of the area with her sister, Oriana. The two of them stayed together amid the panic around us, looking around in horror. No backup and no means to leave the station—the head of Cerberus appeared completely blindsided by this. We should have been safe here, and yet…
"Liara?!" she blurted, spotting my approach. "What are you doing here? Wait, never mind that! Do you have any idea what's going on? Which Reaper fleet is targeting us? The Council wouldn't say!"
"Miranda, I need your help. Will you please come with me? I'll explain everything on the way."
"You need my help…? My help with what?"
Trying to stay calm—"We have a plan to deal with the enemy. We just need to defend the station until Shepard makes her way back to us. You are a skilled biotic; our plan won't work without you."
Too many more questions burgeoned in Solheim's eyes.
I bore this hardness through my own stare. My wordless reminders that we didn't have much time.
She relented, "All right… Okay, fine. Before I leave with you, I need to get my sister someplace else. Someplace safer. There's too much chaos here."
Quick thinking—"We can bring her to the consort's chamber. Sha'ira, the consort. It will be safe there."
"Yes, that sounds ideal. Come on, let's hurry."
One more necessary diversion. I led Miranda and Oriana to the financial district on the Presidium. Only a handful of people continued trickling in this direction. Everyone else had fled to their offices, to their homes by now. And I recalled my memories of this place, of Sha'ira having helped guide Shepard in a better direction. I remembered the time Shepard and I had spent near here: how she had kissed me in this very spot, secluded from the rest of the Presidium. Our shared peace from before had vanished as pure entropy in the winds, this fuss of panic and energy and heated uncertainty taking over everywhere.
Sha'ira's acolytes waited outside the building, welcoming in these familiar faces of their clients. Some I recognized, some I didn't. Just from my time in supporting Shepard's counseling sessions, waiting for her outside in the lobby. Nelyna recognized me most of all. She accepted Miranda's sister into the safety and security of the building, promising to keep everyone from harm.
Leaving the Presidium behind, I brought Miranda with me to the Normandy. I felt this process from her—how she pushed back her reservations in helping me. In doing me this favor. In returning to this ship after the drama from our own suicide mission months ago. We arrived in time to find most of the crew departing the ship, departing the docking bay. Dr. Chakwas escorted Mordin and Eve to Huerta Memorial. Specialist Traynor left with the other analysts from the war room. Knowing the details of our plans, Cortez volunteered to stay—if anyone fell off the ship, he would grab them with the shuttle. Both Engineer Daniels and Engineer Adams chose to stay aboard as essential members of the crew.
Passing through the airlock, we found Joker and EDI ready at the helm. Neither they nor the departing crew gave Solheim a second glance, or even a first glance. Too preoccupied with the coming assault, we had this time to speak anonymously. As we made our way to the armory, I explained the details to Miranda as best as I could. As best as I possibly could, what with our remaining hour ticking down, ticking down, ticking and ticking.
Whatever terror Solheim felt about this plan, she fought not to show it.
Her only giveaway: the way she seemed to follow me without thinking. Without question. She simply went along with my orders, my suggestions as she listened to me. No demands for clarification. No reminders as to the insanity of this plan. Only her acceptance to help where she could.
As we needed full gear for this, I let Miranda wear my set of helmeted armor and mag boots.
Needing an alternative of my own, I searched through Shepard's belongings with my permissions.
I found this symbolism of her N7 armor.
Shepard already wore her set, the real set. I found that I could engineer a copy for myself through our facilities here in the armory. So I fashioned this second set for myself, fitting my exact measurements. The sentimentality here: how I felt Shepard's experiences as my own, just from wearing this. I felt her that much closer to me. Her determination almost felt as mine. The greatest boost to my morale for her. To protect the Citadel and the Normandy. To live up to Shepard's legacy as her second-in-command.
After making sure I strapped this canteen of juice to my armor, Miranda and I left the Normandy.
We went to join Jack and Samara aboard Admiral Hackett's ship.
Neither ship could survive an attack from a single destroyer, let alone Apollo, a devil ship. And so we needed to do this. Samara and I would take turns guarding the Normandy with our biotics. Miranda would keep me locked to the Normandy's hull with her stasis field, and Jack would do the same for Samara. Whoever remained on standby would recuperate aboard the Orizaba. We would keep up our tag-teaming until Shepard returned, disabling Apollo through its backdoor and securing our victory.
This had become familiar to us by now.
Yet I knew better than to let my guard down.
I refused to believe this would be another routine mission.
Ingenuity, impossibilities.
Far above my view, and all around me, surrounding us—the nebula watched our movements. Our Citadel fleets heading to position. Each ship situated behind the Normandy, with us as the tip of this spear. A defensive spear, a decoy that should not have been. Behind us, the mass of the Citadel's arms closed for safety. The slow, steady movements of that vista, of our remaining peace and prosperity shutting closed. That shutter had locked us out in this vacuum. No noise. No sound whatsoever. Only the physical feedback from Miranda as my unexpected tether to reality. She stood behind me, kneeling upon the hull of the Normandy. This ship that had kept her safe, too, so many months ago. And now this evolution, having returned to the Alliance's roots, and Miranda had returned for this. She followed the plan, keeping me rooted to this spot. I relied on her as my most steadfast support for our operation.
The operation that had arrived right on time:
Only a single destroyer passed through the nearest relay, suddenly appearing as a mass of sheer size.
The rest of its Reaper allies remained stuck in a rerouting loop, however temporary.
As that ship approached us, Joker and EDI maneuvered the Normandy as needed.
Target locked right on us.
The Reaper made its way closer, closer; growing larger, so much larger as it neared.
"Taking it slow," said Joker, his thin breaths more than audible through our radio. Too many nerves. "Just gonna align ourselves so you take the full hit, Liara. No collateral damage. God, this is crazy…"
EDI sounded far more neutral, as I needed. "I have calculated the approximate force to expect from each destroyer. We will brace for each attack as necessary, ensuring the Normandy remains stable for you and Miranda."
"Understood, EDI," replied Miranda in my stead.
Our co-pilots could've made any number of comments about having her back with us.
Thankfully, they had chosen not to.
And there was no time—this destroyer had already found us, the massive red of its firing chamber glowing in preparation. Locking on me, aiming at me. Having done this before, yet still not knowing what to expect—I braced for everything. I braced for the worst. I couldn't see the end of this battle, and yet I somehow had to reach that finality. I couldn't know how long this would go on. But I still held my arms out around me. I still believed in my biotics, and surrounded Miranda in this field with me. I met this Reaper's force without breaking, without giving up, and without yielding. I felt Shepard's belief in me.
I felt everyone else's belief in her, as our allied fleets took advantage of the best timing. They destroyed the destroyer before it could destroy me. I felt that I could hold on. I felt I could keep going, far less intrusive and demanding than Lucifer had been for me before. Really only this apprehension from Miranda made me pause. How she had gripped my legs, disbelieving. Unable to believe we had survived this far. Unable and unwilling to believe I had actually protected her. I dug in my heels for us both.
But as the second destroyer arrived, and the third, something began to change.
These next Reaper shots I absorbed didn't quite…feel the same.
Surrounded by the dark interior of Shepard's armor, I lost track of my actual surroundings.
The scenery around me shifted from the Citadel's nebula—
Away from that vacuum and into something real. Grounded.
Standing upon the ground I hallucinated beneath me.
The Normandy had changed to a full field of grass. The nebula had morphed into the expanse of a blood red sky. The ethereal madness of the sun and the moon showed in that sky, opposite one another. Down upon this horizon, I saw such familiar comforts. Familiar, faraway. The buildings, the homes surrounding the perimeter of this area. Mediterranean-style homes of a colorless white. The perfect dream homes carved out there, at peace beneath these chaotic skies. Somewhere up above, I spotted the shapes of the clouds there. From those clouds, bolts of crimson lightning stayed frozen in time, extending and distending as spiritual breaths of life. Those same breaths, I felt in my own spirit, spinning the webs of these visions. These visions from my own dreams from so long ago. A dream, a beginning.
Within this grass beneath me, I felt something growing there. Seeded for sprouting later on.
Invisible thus far, yet still reaching me through this network we shared—
Apollo's voice thundered through me, genderless as the others had been, and godless as a dissident:
"Always a hope. A wish. A dream. Your desires to achieve, Liara. Achieving everything as you knew you could. Devoting yourself to this singular goal of sheltering the one you care for. You are at this pinnacle of your strength, yet your eyes have availed you now. Now that you must be everything, you see how impossible this is. How you must keep going. How you are not allowed to stop, to give up, as anyone would have by now. This is your nightmare. This is your own self-induced hell, and you must keep on."
As this horror, my visions didn't stop.
What should have been the Reaper ships appearing—more of them—only distorted for me.
Coming closer to me in this field, I saw each of my teammates. Disfigured, Reaperized—yet I felt their spirits as they should have been. Garrus as this marauder. Jack and Kaidan as these husks. Some semblance of their actual forms had remained. I recognized them. But they shouldn't have ended up this way. Only Wrex, Tali, and Samara appeared normal for me. Normal, as I had no idea what they would have looked like as Reapers. Harvested and turned into mindless drones, followers, supposedly ascended to greatness.
As they fought me, their weapons glowed that same red glow. Their biotics glowed in that same red around them. These specters fought as my teammates did, and I knew how to read them, to predict their movements. I defended myself, and I protected Solheim with the Normandy, expecting full-on attacks from those destroyer ships beyond my view. I kept on, and I kept on, and I kept on and on and on and on and on for as long as I could. I put up this biotic bubble again and again, suffering the brunt of these attacks as I needed to. I pulled from this wellspring of command and experience and control over my abilities. Finessing as best as I could.
Seeing things, not seeing things: I couldn't realize when Miranda had pulled me away.
We had retreated to Admiral Hackett's ship, resting. Taking our break now.
Samara had taken my place out there, with Jack supporting her.
I couldn't separate this dream from reality anymore. I merely saw myself sitting upon the grass beneath this blood red sky. I drank from Shepard's canteen, drinking this juice as if drinking from her. I listened to her voice in my head, encouraging me and promising she would be back soon. Soon. So soon. Yet this loud blaring noise from the Reapers kept echoing in my head. I couldn't hear anything else. Only Apollo.
"Why do you fight, Liara? Why do you align yourself with Commander Shepard's mission to protect and preserve? You yourself have witnessed the duplicity. How your allies have betrayed you. The darkness that exists around you, from those people you are sworn to protect. Why do you destroy yourself for them? Why do you work so tirelessly for these faceless masses? Why do you break your mind in resisting me, in fighting me, in keeping on and on and on? You continue on through this hellish wasteland of your dreams. Always your dreams to achieve more, to conquer more, to love more. This is your relationship with Shepard on full display. This is the inner sanctum of your mind, your psychology, and your deepest emotions for all to see. You have made yourself a museum for others to mock and critique and tear down. And yet you must go back out and entertain them soon. Why do you persevere for them? Why?"
Because I needed to support my captain as her one and only. The one thing I had fought for, endlessly, seeing myself transform into that darkness. I had clawed myself out, and I continued, and I continued, and I continued. This exhaustion should have taken me, yes. This mind-ending pain breaking me in defending against these Reapers, and against everyone.
Because I'd had to prove myself to our gods.
I had to be more than what I had been. More than that purity, so repressed. Darkness repressed. Now I had brought it out, and I couldn't seal it back up. I continued chasing after these victories, just as I did now. Switching back out with Samara and Jack, leaving with Miranda to the Normandy again. Stuck in this vision; stuck in my truth. How I had lost my humanity before. How I had lost myself, not knowing who I was anymore or who I needed to become.
I defeated these specters of my teammates, watching them fall. Watching them fall where they stood. How they bled out across this field. Lying there as corpses, as those disfigurations.
How nice it would have been to do the same.
To lie down in this field and rest for an eternity…
But just when I felt that shred of weakness, this person showed up.
Ashley in her N7 armor. Her perfect accuracy with that Lancer assault rifle of hers. How she shot at me, those heat sinks pummeling as noise. I held my ground against her. I stared right into her eyes, knowing that wasn't truly her. This angered copy of her, playing tricks on my mind. Clever, effective tricks.
How she agreed with the futility of this mission.
How Ashley had aligned herself with Apollo's questions—of why? Why bother? Why suffer for these people who did not matter? Why toil and slave and agonize for these hell-inducing dreams? Why not end this nightmare and rest? Rest, and let it all drift away.
"She is breaking," said Apollo, seeming to speak from Ashley's point of view. "The commander is breaking, Liara. The signs are there. How Shepard wilts before your very eyes. And now you are sending her to defeat me. Knowing what it will do to her; knowing how it will affect her. You send her out to do your bidding—all for a galaxy that does not deserve it. What if you push her too hard? What if she fails? Her failure will be yours all the same."
Where was she now?
I couldn't hear anything.
Not Miranda's voice.
Not Admiral Hackett.
Not our radio in my ear.
I could only hear…this false prophet speaking to me, trying to disparage and discourage me.
Until that shot came.
The single sniper's bullet raced across this field in my direction.
I braced my biotic field, terrified, only to have my biotics break in my hands as blued glass.
Across from me, several yards away, she approached. She walked toward me, carrying that Widow of hers. She headed right at me, still shooting. One shot at a time. I defended, and she broke me. I braced yet again, and she shattered me. Sol, the captain shot those bullets at me. Never directly to my face. Never right at my heart. Never to kill. She swerved her rifle at the last possible moment. She shot these curveballs at me, purposely psyching me out. Her bullets grazed the very top of my defenses, faltering me anyway. I could only deflect her attacks. Guarding, deflecting, as two blades clashing and coming to a head. With hers as the more powerful one, imposing in weight and command, bearing down on my weakness.
This weakness for her as she neared me.
She walked past those specters of our teammates.
She crossed this distance, finding me exposed like this.
I couldn't retaliate.
I couldn't attack her.
I could never harm her. I could never hurt Sol like this. Not even as an illusion.
Somewhere, I barely heard their voices. The team in real life. Their screams, their warnings about Apollo reaching me in reality. How I had deflected that devil's shots, somehow. How I had survived against it, yet the monster still made its way toward me. Toward the Normandy, toward Miranda supporting me. Far closer than it should have been. I didn't see Apollo anywhere. I didn't see it flying at me. Not as I remained blinded by this nightmare. I still only saw the captain. I only saw Sol there, nearing even more. I knew it wasn't really her. I knew I should have been more discerning, distinguishing. But I couldn't.
I couldn't at all.
Not once she made it this close to me.
Not once she stood right before me, towering as this cosmos of her allure.
Somewhere, I heard Shepard begging me to snap out of it. To leave, to move away. Away from what…?
Because all I saw was her. Sol staring down at me like this. This look in her eyes. Deadened and done. No light, no life there in her stare. Her demons, her destructiveness. Always this need to destroy. Tearing down obstacles. Eliminating liabilities. Erasing anything unnecessary; anything that caused too much pain, too much stress. Getting rid of whatever had caused too much trouble. Thorough and mechanical.
The captain held me in her arms. This illusion of her held me, seemingly as real. Tightly. So tightly. I couldn't breathe. She picked me up, and I felt myself leaving the hull of the Normandy's ground. All at the same time. Sol picked me up, superimposed as Apollo grabbing me. Those claws of its spider-like legs, grabbing me and priming. Pointing me closer to the sun's rays; Apollo's firing chamber lighting, preparing, priming.
I loved her so much.
She saw this in my eyes.
Sol knew that I loved her. She knew—I saw her for exactly who she was, and I loved her anyway. These competing energies within her. These opposing forces. Shepard's instinct to protect and preserve; Sol's deep desire to destroy. I loved them as one whole. The captain saw it all for herself. She found this truth about me, and it showed in her eyes. My own sensibilities began to soften her. I witnessed the life, the light returning to her stare. Maybe, just maybe, she accepted me, too. She had accepted what we had.
"LIARA!"
Letting me go, a sudden end.
The captain's image disappeared in the winds.
I felt myself pulled back down to the Normandy's hull, released from Apollo's weakened hold. Miranda pulled me back from that hallucination. She woke me up—just as the sky of my dreams lost its blood.
Drifting, disabled—Apollo had shut down. Forced as such, Shepard escaped from the devil ship's backdoor. Joker and EDI gradually moved us away from that massive ship. Our combined Citadel fleets destroyed the vessel. Masses of debris floating past; Apollo's remains joined them in explosions, so final.
"The clouds have parted and the skies cleared. It is time I bade you farewell… Until the next insanity."
This rush of euphoria…unlike anything I had ever felt.
Climbing, rushing highs. Waves and echoes of accomplishment.
So much higher than the ordinary, the mundane.
Hardly aware of myself, I lost track of time. Again I lost track of my surroundings. The strangeness of this marathon had unlocked a new zenith in me. Breaking those boundaries again. But this time, I couldn't recover as quickly as I wanted. Blinking slowly, I eventually found myself in Shepard's arms back aboard the Normandy. Her panic, her care for me. Had we already said goodbye to Miranda? Had we celebrated our victory with Admiral Hackett? Was the Council safe? Had we already left for Thessia?
Only the vaguest of recollections, of the Citadel's arms opening back up.
Only the slight remembrance of other ships cleaning up the debris from the Reapers.
I wanted to tell Shepard not to worry. That I would be just fine. I couldn't make myself say the words.
I only felt her grip around me as real this time. Her conscious self. Holding me in agony, in uncertainty.
And we had to do this all over again…after the holidays.
We had dedicated ourselves to this mission, after all. Just as I had dedicated myself to her. I believed in her potential for greatness. The impossible army of one she had become, with each of us supporting her. That look in the captain's eyes—illusory or not—still made me wonder. In the darkness of this unknown, what had become of her? The strife, the uncertainty I had witnessed in her gaze. Of wanting to be on her own; of struggling to accept our love once and for all. Did the captain really accept this outcome with us? Our reconciliation, our relationship? I didn't know. This not knowing seemed to be the greatest challenge of all.
Earning the captain's true acceptance.
Keeping Sol from falling into her worst habits.
Keeping Shepard from aligning herself with the same.
As I drifted off to sleep, I accepted this challenge. I had accepted this long ago—since our inception. The harshest struggles reaped the greatest rewards. The high of these highs. Conquering until the end.