Chapter Two ~ Harry's Humiliation
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Harry sat in History of Magic staring into space. Hermione was sitting next to him, furiously writing notes. Ron sat on the other side of her, idly watching Hermione. Harry was oblivious to all this. He couldn't believe how differently this day was going to end compared to when it started. This morning Harry had woken up feeling melancholy. But then what was new? He asked himself. He had been feeling this way for so long and he had become so good at hiding it that no one knew. Everyone thought this was normal for him. He supposed that was a good thing, he really didn't want to talk about it anyway. He almost started laughing – he didn't want to talk about it? Who was he kidding? He couldn't talk about it. He knew none of his friends would understand his crush on Draco. Hell, his friends would be stunned if he even did something so small as call him by his first name! Harry sighed happily. He had been in love with Draco since the middle of their fifth year. Absentmindedly he wondered when Draco had fallen in love with him. He resolved to ask him later.
Harry could still taste Draco in his mouth. He couldn't wait to kiss him again. Thank god for Dumbledore and his secret room. Although if Harry allowed himself to think about it further (which he really didn't want to – he'd much rather think about kissing Draco) it seemed strange that Dumbledore would allow two horny teenage boys to be in the same room together unsupervised. But then Dumbledore had always been unconventional. Harry was sure he had a good reason for his actions. He always did.
Harry had known he was gay when he figured out that the only reason he had chased Cho Chang was because it was expected of him. He was Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived. He was supposed to be the hero and get all the girls. But then he'd realised he didn't really want the girls. They were nice, some were great friends, like Hermione, but he didn't want to date them.
When he'd realised he was gay, he'd looked around the school at the available guys. Many his age had girlfriends, like Ron. He took their names off the list and then listened to the single guys conversations, many of which were about girls, or chicks as Dean and Seamus liked to call them (much to Hermione's annoyance). There weren't many guys who didn't constantly talk about chicks and scoring with them. One of them was Draco. Once Harry had looked at Draco through new eyes (without his old prejudices) he had noticed just how sexy he was. And when Draco thought no one was looking and relaxed, Harry noticed a sadness in his eyes and an exhaustion that spoke volumes about his state of mind.
When Draco had asked to talk to him in Potions this morning, Harry had jumped at the chance. He'd been trying to come up with a way to talk to Draco, but while both of them were still slinging insults at each other, Harry didn't think Draco would talk to him about what was bothering him. Harry had spent countless nights lying awake thinking about what could make Draco feel so miserable. He'd come up with plenty of ideas, each more horrifying than the last – his father beat him, his father beat his mother, he was being forced to be a Death Eater, he had a terminal illness…… By the time he got to that one, he was running out of feasible ideas.
The truth was just as bad as any of those ideas. Harry knew what it was like to live with the threat of death hanging over his head. Voldemort had ensured that he would live with it for as long as Voldemort was still alive. Harry wished he could just kill him and be done with it. Then he and Draco could be together and his parents would be safe. Harry knew what it was like to have no parents and he hoped that Draco would never know that pain.
Harry's mind wandered off the subject as he thought about his parents. He wondered what they would say about him being gay and in love with Lucius Malfoy's son. He hoped they would just want him to be happy. Shit, Harry thought, what was Sirius going to say when he told him? Harry shuddered. He really didn't want to be the one to tell him. It's not that Harry was afraid of Sirius' reaction, but he really didn't know him well enough to be able to gage his reaction to a situation like this. He had already lost too many relatives. He didn't want to lose his Godfather too. Remus was another one who worried him. Remus and Sirius had become surrogate fathers to him. The two remaining Marauder's (the good ones, Harry refused to think of Wormtail as a Marauder) were close to James and Lily and it made Harry feel close to his parents to be with them. He didn't want to lose that. Perhaps he should give them one piece of information at a time. Firstly that he was gay, and then later, that he was in love with Draco. Hell, he hadn't even told Ron and Hermione that he was gay. There just never seemed to be a right time to bring it up.
Harry's mind wandered back onto the subject – Draco. Harry smiled. He didn't notice Ron frowning at him. The hardest part of this whole situation was pretending that he still hated Draco. It was so hard to call him Malfoy in front of Ron and Hermione, but he knew that if he didn't, they would be suspicious and he wasn't ready to share this with them yet anyway. This was so new and so delightful that he wanted to keep it to himself for now. Which was convenient because he had to keep it to himself. The only thing marring his happiness was the nagging feeling that Draco was keeping something from him. Harry really couldn't explain the feeling, just that there was something he wasn't telling him.
Harry decided that he couldn't wait much longer to meet Draco so he scribbled a note on a scrap piece of parchment and folded it up ready so he could push it into Draco's hand sometime on the way to dinner. It was too bad the owls only came in at breakfast, that would have made it easier to get the note to Draco, but he couldn't wait until tomorrow. Harry absentmindedly unfolded the note and reread it, paying particular attention to Draco's name.
Draco, meet me at the room at 9pmHarry hadn't signed it, so if someone else read it they wouldn't know who Draco was meeting. They also wouldn't be able to figure out which room in this huge castle they were meeting in. Only Draco and Dumbledore knew the significance of that.
Finally History of Magic was over and Harry collected up his books and left the classroom along with the rest of the class. Harry walked beside Ron and Hermione (who were again holding hands) but his eyes were darting all over the corridor, looking for Draco. Harry finally saw him walking about twenty metres in front of them. Harry quickened his pace, trying to catch up with him.
"Harry, slow down!" called Hermione.
"I'm trying to catch up to-" Harry wasn't able to finish the sentence (which was lucky since he had no idea who he was going to say he was trying to catch up to) because Ron interrupted him.
"A girl? Hmmm who could Harry have a crush on now?" Ron teased.
Harry ignored him and hurried up. Just as Draco reached the door to the Great Hall Harry caught up with him. He pushed Draco out of the way (trying to do it gently while looking like he was trying to hurt Draco – which was harder than it seems) and pushed the note into Draco's hand while he did it.
"Watch where you're going, Potter!" Draco snarled.
"Make me, Malfoy!" sneered Harry.
Harry walked over to the Gryffindor table and Draco stalked over to the Slytherin table, muttering, probably about how annoying Harry was. Harry noticed him read the note. Draco looked up at him and nodded slightly.
Harry barely noticed what he was eating and he followed the others back up to the Gryffindor common room. He sat with Ron and Hermione and pretended to do his homework. It didn't really matter anyway, they were so wrapped up in each other that they barely even noticed he was there. When it was about ten minutes to nine, Harry packed up his books.
"I'm going to bed, you guys," he said.
"So early?" Ron questioned, "It's only 7:30!"
"Uh, try almost 9 o'clock," Harry replied with a smile.
"I guess I lost track of time," Ron said sheepishly.
"Goodnight," Harry said, standing up.
"Goodnight," Ron and Hermione replied.
Harry ran up the stairs to the seventh year's room and dropped his books on his bed and grabbed his invisibility cloak. Luckily no one was in their bedroom yet as Harry threw the cloak over his shoulders and made sure he was entirely covered. He left the bedroom and quickly walked out of the common room, through the corridors to the room Dumbledore had prepared.
Harry trusted Dumbledore with his life, but he wasn't sure how you went about making a door that only let two people in. He tentatively put his hand on the doorknob. Nothing happened. He turned the doorknob. Nothing happened. He pushed the door open. The only thing that happened was the door opening. Harry quickly stepped inside and shut the door behind him. Harry pulled off his cloak and hung it up on one of two hooks next to the door.
Suddenly Draco appeared by the window. He had pulled off his cloak too. Draco walked over to where Harry still stood next to the door. Draco leaned past him to hang his cloak up on the remaining hook. Harry breathed deeply as Draco leaned in closer to him. He smelled so good, Harry thought. Draco stood straight again when his cloak was safely on the hook.
Harry reached out for him and they fell into each other's arms. Harry found Draco's lips and kissed him like he hadn't seen him in years even though it had only been a matter of hours. He felt Draco return the kiss with equal intensity and felt relieved that he hadn't imagined the chemistry between Draco and himself. They released each other as they gasped for air.
Harry had a look around the room. It was like a living room, although it was far fancier than anything the Dursley's could have had. There were two doors leading off the living room to the left of the entry door. Harry walked over and peered inside one then the other. One was a complete bathroom and the other was…Harry gasped in amazement…a bedroom! What on earth was Dumbledore thinking? He was basically encouraging them to sleep together. What sort of headmaster does something like that?
Harry turned back to Draco who was regarding him thoughtfully. He watched as Draco gracefully crossed the living room and sat down on the sofa near the fireplace. Draco patted the space on the sofa next to him and looked expectantly at Harry. Harry crossed over to sit next to him. Draco kissed him so sweetly that Harry wanted to cry. His dreams had finally come true. Draco pulled away from him and put his arm around Harry's shoulders, pulling him closer to him.
"Talk to me, lover," Draco said softly in his ear, "I know something is bothering you, what is it?"
Harry smiled at the endearment that fell so easily from Draco's lips. He snuggled up closer to Draco. He felt so safe and so loved when he was with him. He was obviously starved for attention. Oh, not the fame sort of attention. He got that everyday and he could do without it. He was starved of…perhaps affection was a better word, Harry thought. It had been so long since someone had held him close and made him feel like everything would be okay.
"I'm just worried about you, Drac," Harry replied.
"There's something more. I can feel it, Harry. Tell me," Draco said, a little bit more demanding this time, reminiscent of the obnoxious Draco Harry was used to.
"Okay, okay. I just have a feeling that there's something you're not telling me." Harry sat up next to Draco so he could look into his eyes. Such beautiful silver eyes, Harry thought lovingly. Draco looked away, over towards the fireplace. He gazed into the fire for a few minutes before turning back to face an increasingly worried Harry.
"I haven't ever lied to you, Harry. But you're right, I have been keeping something from you." Draco stood up and started to pace around the room. Harry stayed where he was, watching Draco move around the room. He was starting to get scared. Draco was behaving like the world was going to end as soon as he confessed his secret.
"I'm a virgin, Harry." With that revelation, Draco sank into the nearest chair and held his head in his hands.
Harry stared at him for a minute and then started laughing. He couldn't help it. Draco had been so serious and maudlin that Harry had thought he was going to confess to something terrible but this was nothing. And there he was sitting with his head in his hands like he honestly thought Harry was going to think badly of him for being inexperienced. Harry noticed Draco had looked up and was staring angrily at him. Harry tried to stop laughing, he really did but he couldn't stop. Draco just looked too gorgeous sitting here with his eyes flashing fiercely.
"I'm a virgin too, Draco," he managed to choke out. He finally managed to calm himself down and explain. "I'm sorry I started laughing, but I really thought you had a terrible secret you were hiding and when you said you were a virgin, relief washed over me and I realised that you were making this into a big deal when it really isn't. It's okay. I just…I didn't mean to laugh, honestly." Harry stopped talking, feeling like he'd already dug his hole deep enough and if he said anything more he'd never be able to get out.
Draco looked hopefully over at Harry.
"Really? You're a virgin too?" he asked breathlessly.
Harry nodded.
Draco came back over to the sofa and sat next to Harry. Harry gently brushed Draco's light blond hair off his face and caressed his cheek. They kissed, gently at first and then with increasing passion. Harry started pulling at the clasps on Draco's robes. Draco started fiddling with Harry's robes as well. Harry pulled him up and led him into the bedroom.
The door shut with a soft click.
Much later that night, Harry was watching Draco sleep beside him. He looks so peaceful, Harry mused. Harry ran his hand through Draco's hair. God, I love him, Harry thought ardently. Suddenly Harry thought he heard a noise in the other room. He lay perfectly still, straining to hear. He gingerly got up from the bed, not wanting to wake Draco, who needed a good night's sleep. Harry pulled on his jeans, picked up his wand and slowly made his way to the door. He slowly turned the doorknob, not wanting to reveal his presence to the intruder just yet.
The door opened slowly and Harry peered out.
The fire was still roaring away nicely, must have a charm on it, thought Harry absently as his eyes scanned the room. Over near the window stood…Dumbledore! Harry left the bedroom and quietly shut the door so Draco could continue to sleep. Harry tiptoed over to Dumbledore and stood at his side, waiting for him to speak.
"I see you found the room alright," Dumbledore said finally. Harry nodded.
"You must be wondering why I am allowing two students to sleep together like this. Have you ever read William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, Harry?"
"No, but I've seen the movie," he replied with a grin.
"Ah yes, well then, you know the story. You and Draco remind me of Romeo and Juliet. Their families were on opposite sides, as are yours and Draco's. And the priest in the story believed that their union could end the cycle of hate that gripped both families. I believe that two sworn enemies falling in love could show many people in this battle that people can change and that hate doesn't have to continue. We could get many people to join our side." Dumbledore sighed wearily, "We need as many people as we can get if we are going to rid the world of Voldemort." Dumbledore sat down on an armchair in front of the fire. Harry sat down on the sofa he and Draco had sat on earlier.
"There is another reason for these rooms being made available to the two of you exclusively. There are going to be rough times ahead and it may become necessary for the two of you to move down here permanently. But we shall see what happens." Dumbledore stood up, "Goodnight, Harry."
"Goodnight," Harry replied as he watched the headmaster leave the room. Harry sat on the sofa for a few more minutes, thinking about all that Dumbledore had told him. Rough times ahead? What did that mean? Voldemort? Or his fellow students prejudices? Harry sighed, worrying about it now wasn't going to help matters. He decided to enjoy this time with Draco, thinking that they might not get another peaceful time to just be together.
Harry crawled back into bed with Draco and cuddled up next to him. Draco's arms went around him and pulled him close. Harry kissed Draco gently, "I love you, sweetheart," he said softly. "I wuv ou too," Draco replied, sleepily. Harry and Draco fell asleep in each other's arms.
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The next morning, Ron and Hermione rushed over to the teacher's table when they got down to the Great Hall for breakfast.
"Professor Dumbledore, Harry's *gasp* not in *gasp* his bed *gasp* it hasn't been slept in," Ron finally got out when he had caught his breath. Hermione was panting just as hard as they had run as fast as they could all the way down from the Gryffindor common room. Hermione was almost in tears as she looked at Dumbledore desperately.
"Calm down, Hermione. Harry is fine. I believe he is currently enjoying a hearty breakfast." Dumbledore looked towards the Gryffindor table, which Ron and Hermione had run straight past in their hast to get to the headmaster. Ron and Hermione followed his gaze and saw…Harry eating and chatting happily to Seamus, Dean and Neville. Both turned very red and sputtered out apologies to Dumbledore. They made their way over to their table, very aware of the curious faces following their progress.
Harry smiled up at his best friends as they sat down at the table. He had watched the whole incident out of the corner of his eye and was very amused by it, even though it did mean that he would have to explain where he was all night. Maybe now would be a good time to reveal the shock of his sexuality. Harry grinned, that would definitely take their mind off his whereabouts last night. Questions from Ron and Hermione started raining down on him as soon as they sat down. He couldn't really understand what they were saying but he had an idea of what the topic was so he could interpret the questions and he knew they were ones he didn't want to answer.
"Ron, Hermione," Harry smiled reassuringly at them both in turn, "I'm gay," he said simply. Hermione gasped and Ron looked incredulously at him.
Seamus patted him on the back. "Way to go, Harry!"
Within minutes the entire Gryffindor table knew Harry was gay. Harry groaned. He had been naïve enough not to realise that being the great Harry Potter, this was big news. The gossip had now spread to Ravenclaw. They were all staring at him. The girls with disappointment, the boys, well some were looking disgusted and some were looking just plain embarrassed and some were looking…interested? Harry turned away, not wanting to encourage anyone. He peeked over at the Hufflepuff table. Sure enough they were staring and giggling. Harry didn't know if he dared to look over at the Slytherin's. However, he needed to see Draco's reaction. He knew Draco would have to be cruel, to keep up the façade of mutual hatred, but Harry felt an irresistible urge to look over at him.
Slowly Harry raised his head and his eyes met Draco's. Harry almost fell off his chair as he felt the full force of the hatred in Draco's eyes hit him. It wasn't until Ron and Hermione started asking him if he was okay, that he realised that his shock and distress was showing on his face.
Harry changed his expression to one of indifference and proceeded to fill Ron and Hermione in on the day he discovered he liked guys better than girls. Harry was just thankful that his two best friends were as supportive as they could be. Their only disappointment was that Harry had kept this from them for so long.
Harry risked another glance over at the Slytherin table. Harry let out a little sigh of relief, Draco was busy scribbling something down on a piece of parchment. He went back to his conversation with the other Gryffindor's. Harry was astonished to discover that Dean and Seamus were gay too and had been a couple for almost ten months. It amazed him that three out of the five guys in their room were gay, but then apart from Draco (who no one knew about yet) no one else in the school appeared to be gay.
Harry was suddenly very aware of Draco coming towards their table, with Crabbe and Goyle following him as usual. Harry prepared himself for the sting of Draco's hateful remarks. Harry was sitting at the end of one of the tables and Draco came over and leaned on the edge of the table.
"So, Potter, is what I hear true? Are you queer?" he sneered.
Harry stared up at him, for once unable to think of a single come back. Was Draco acting or did he really hate him? If he was acting, then he could win an academy award for that performance.
"What's the matter, Potter? Cat got your tongue? Oh, sorry, that's right, it's not a cat but some guy who's got your tongue."
Still Harry stared at Draco. Ron stood up and pointed towards the nearest door.
"Get lost, Malfoy! Harry may be with a guy, but at least that guy's not you!" Ron said fiercely.
Draco stopped leaning on the table and sauntered away, leading the other two Slytherin's to their first class. Harry smiled gratefully at Ron. Harry stared down at his plate, a little embarrassed that he couldn't defend himself but he'd been caught by surprise and he hadn't recovered in time to come up with a smart retort. Harry noticed a folded up piece of parchment next to his plate. Harry pocketed it so he could read it later when he was alone. He hadn't noticed Draco doing anything, but when he was leaning on the table, he must have been delivering the note.
The other Gryffindor's got up ready to go to class. Harry told Ron and Hermione to go ahead and he'd catch up to them.
When he was finally alone, Harry pulled out the note and unfolded it.
Harry,
I'm sorry about the look I gave you earlier, but you know I had too. The entire Slytherin table heard that you were gay and they immediately looked to me to see my reaction. I had to look disgusted or they would have known something was up. I saw your reaction and I knew you were wondering if I meant it. Please believe that I didn't mean it, or the horrible things I'm going to have to say to you when I give you this note.
Be strong and remember I believe in you.
I love you
P.S. Same time and place tonight.
Harry smiled to himself. He was stupid to doubt Draco. Harry folded the note back up and put it in his pocket. He picked up his books and hummed a tune to himself as he walked down the corridor to his first class – double Care of Magical Creatures – with Draco.
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~to be continued~