**A/N** I'll get to the Sev/Hermi stuff in just a bit, but I want to goof off a little first. Hm... I don't have much time. School starts Monday! :( But, I will try to write as much as possible and then you'll all just have to trust me when I say I'll come back as soon as I can. I'll be swamped with calculus, physics, advanced Spanish, music theory, and other evil things until I get a decent weekend.
THE DAILY PROPHET
Rita Skeeter
London--Dec. 17
As yet another holiday season approaches, we are all left to wonder: Just who is Robert Normans? His name is everywhere, yet no one has ever met him. This mysterious man has already captured the heart of every woman in the wizarding world, as well as many of those in the muggle one, with his breathtaking novels that make even the most down-to-earth woman (and many jealous men) weak in the knees.
Robert Normans, who are you? There is no registered Robert Normans in the wizarding community, so we can only assume that our reclusive author is working under a pen name. What lucky women (or men) are a part of his life? Has he ever swept some unsuspecting girl off her feet?
Well, Robert Normans, here is your chance to make yourself known to the world. Thousands of women from England to Italy are begging you to reveal yourself, and are willing to pay handsomely for the privilege of knowing your true identity. Should you choose to greet your adoring fans within the next year, the wizarding world will pay you fifty thousand pounds.
So, will we be able to lure the elusive Robert Normans from his hiding place? Or are we doomed to forever ponder his true identity? For the sake of all women, I hope it is the former.
~~
Professor Snape wadded the offensive paper into a tiny ball, and tossed it to one of the house elves lurking in the shadows behind the head table. Only fifty thousand pounds? He'd already made three million from his book sales, and all of that was on top of the fortune he'd inherited when his parents died. However, everyone seemed to hope that this pathetic bribe would be enough to lure him from his hiding place. He tried not to look at Hermione as he thought of the 'lucky' woman who had earned his affection.
"Do you think it will work?" McGonagall asked Hooch, pointing to the article and grinning. "I know I'd pay handsomely to know who he is. Robert Normans seems to really know how to handle a woman." She didn't notice the Potions Master's smirk. He knew how to handle women all right--except that there weren't any for him to practice with.
"I bet he'd damned sexy," Sprout sighed. "I don't even have to see him to drool over him! Do you think he's well equipped?" The female staff members began to giggle conspiratorially. Severus had no desire to enlighten them on the status of his....equipment.
"Hmm... I do often wonder who Robert Normans is," Dumbledore sighed as he stroked his beard. "I cannot help but feel that he would be found in the most unexpected of places. The thing that most shocks me about his writing is the shocking way in which I can identify with his characters. I almost feel as if I am living the story along with them. If I didn't know better, I'd think he already knew me!" Fortunately, Albus didn't notice Snape's well-disguised look of horror. Sometimes the Headmaster was just too damned perceptive....
"I hate to admit it, but I've read all of that guy's books. In fact, I own all of that guy's books! They're so addictive! I'd have to dump Sirius for him if he turned out to be gay!" Remus whispered to Snape, who nearly choked on his coffee. That was NOT something he had wanted to hear... Snape quickly decided to excuse himself and bolted from the table with as much elegance as bolting can support. Suddenly he'd lost his appetite. Ugh, the sorry fate of a hopeless romantic disguised as a cranky Potions Master...
As he left the Great Hall, he heard the voices of many young girls cooing over the Daily Prophet--he already knew which article. Even the Slytherins were all aflutter over the proposed bribe. "Draco, you should follow dear Robert's example," Pansy batted her eyelashes shamelessly. Snape could feel his stomach flipping with disgust. Draco only huffed. "Only fairies bother writing those ridiculous books for sappy, brainless girls!" Draco snarled. Snape felt slightly insulted, but knew better than to say anything. They wouldn't believe him, anyway.
~~
Snape had never really thought before about the effect his writing had on people. For some reason, they had chosen this particular time to suddenly start paying attention to him. He'd been writing that ridiculous grocery store literature since Harry Potter was a first year! Why had they started to notice him now? It was embarrassing!
But Snape was starting to feel less ashamed of his secret career. It was actually quite interesting to see that he could get reactions out of them, and he was slightly flattered by women who would be entirely willing to throw themselves at his feet--until they actually figured out who he was. But who could love him as he truly was? Of course, that romantic side was one part of him, but no one could possibly be willing to deal with his prickly nature and unattractive appearance for the sake of a flair for words and a sensitive side potent enough to defeat Gilderoy Lockhart at his own game. And Remus... Snape closed his eyes for a moment and tried to block that out of his mind. He did NOT want to think about Remus's comment just now...
The Potions Master was too preoccupied with other, extremely disturbing thoughts to notice that Hermione was regarding him with considerable interest. It was just as well--he probably would have interpreted her perplexed frown as an expression of disgust. That, and the robes he'd chosen for himself today were thinner than usual, and it wouldn't be good for him to get all hot and bothered.
~~
"Hermione? Earth to Hermione!" Ron all but yelled as he snapped his fingers in front of his friend's face. Hermione suddenly blinked and shook her head slightly.
"Finally, you're back from whatever weird world you happened to be in just now!" Harry laughed. "What were you thinking about that could possibly be so interesting?"
"Oh, nothing," Hermione lied through her teeth. "I was just thinking about a question I had for Professor Vector in arithmancy next period..." Deep within the recesses of her mind, however, Hermione continued to admire Snape's graceful hands and the purposeful way in which he walked. She wondered how those hands would feel in her hair... How could he do this to her in such a short period of time? Then Hermione had realized she'd been noticing Professor Snape for years--since her first year at Hogwarts. It had taken until now for her to finally realize it.
THE DAILY PROPHET
Rita Skeeter
London--Dec. 17
As yet another holiday season approaches, we are all left to wonder: Just who is Robert Normans? His name is everywhere, yet no one has ever met him. This mysterious man has already captured the heart of every woman in the wizarding world, as well as many of those in the muggle one, with his breathtaking novels that make even the most down-to-earth woman (and many jealous men) weak in the knees.
Robert Normans, who are you? There is no registered Robert Normans in the wizarding community, so we can only assume that our reclusive author is working under a pen name. What lucky women (or men) are a part of his life? Has he ever swept some unsuspecting girl off her feet?
Well, Robert Normans, here is your chance to make yourself known to the world. Thousands of women from England to Italy are begging you to reveal yourself, and are willing to pay handsomely for the privilege of knowing your true identity. Should you choose to greet your adoring fans within the next year, the wizarding world will pay you fifty thousand pounds.
So, will we be able to lure the elusive Robert Normans from his hiding place? Or are we doomed to forever ponder his true identity? For the sake of all women, I hope it is the former.
~~
Professor Snape wadded the offensive paper into a tiny ball, and tossed it to one of the house elves lurking in the shadows behind the head table. Only fifty thousand pounds? He'd already made three million from his book sales, and all of that was on top of the fortune he'd inherited when his parents died. However, everyone seemed to hope that this pathetic bribe would be enough to lure him from his hiding place. He tried not to look at Hermione as he thought of the 'lucky' woman who had earned his affection.
"Do you think it will work?" McGonagall asked Hooch, pointing to the article and grinning. "I know I'd pay handsomely to know who he is. Robert Normans seems to really know how to handle a woman." She didn't notice the Potions Master's smirk. He knew how to handle women all right--except that there weren't any for him to practice with.
"I bet he'd damned sexy," Sprout sighed. "I don't even have to see him to drool over him! Do you think he's well equipped?" The female staff members began to giggle conspiratorially. Severus had no desire to enlighten them on the status of his....equipment.
"Hmm... I do often wonder who Robert Normans is," Dumbledore sighed as he stroked his beard. "I cannot help but feel that he would be found in the most unexpected of places. The thing that most shocks me about his writing is the shocking way in which I can identify with his characters. I almost feel as if I am living the story along with them. If I didn't know better, I'd think he already knew me!" Fortunately, Albus didn't notice Snape's well-disguised look of horror. Sometimes the Headmaster was just too damned perceptive....
"I hate to admit it, but I've read all of that guy's books. In fact, I own all of that guy's books! They're so addictive! I'd have to dump Sirius for him if he turned out to be gay!" Remus whispered to Snape, who nearly choked on his coffee. That was NOT something he had wanted to hear... Snape quickly decided to excuse himself and bolted from the table with as much elegance as bolting can support. Suddenly he'd lost his appetite. Ugh, the sorry fate of a hopeless romantic disguised as a cranky Potions Master...
As he left the Great Hall, he heard the voices of many young girls cooing over the Daily Prophet--he already knew which article. Even the Slytherins were all aflutter over the proposed bribe. "Draco, you should follow dear Robert's example," Pansy batted her eyelashes shamelessly. Snape could feel his stomach flipping with disgust. Draco only huffed. "Only fairies bother writing those ridiculous books for sappy, brainless girls!" Draco snarled. Snape felt slightly insulted, but knew better than to say anything. They wouldn't believe him, anyway.
~~
Snape had never really thought before about the effect his writing had on people. For some reason, they had chosen this particular time to suddenly start paying attention to him. He'd been writing that ridiculous grocery store literature since Harry Potter was a first year! Why had they started to notice him now? It was embarrassing!
But Snape was starting to feel less ashamed of his secret career. It was actually quite interesting to see that he could get reactions out of them, and he was slightly flattered by women who would be entirely willing to throw themselves at his feet--until they actually figured out who he was. But who could love him as he truly was? Of course, that romantic side was one part of him, but no one could possibly be willing to deal with his prickly nature and unattractive appearance for the sake of a flair for words and a sensitive side potent enough to defeat Gilderoy Lockhart at his own game. And Remus... Snape closed his eyes for a moment and tried to block that out of his mind. He did NOT want to think about Remus's comment just now...
The Potions Master was too preoccupied with other, extremely disturbing thoughts to notice that Hermione was regarding him with considerable interest. It was just as well--he probably would have interpreted her perplexed frown as an expression of disgust. That, and the robes he'd chosen for himself today were thinner than usual, and it wouldn't be good for him to get all hot and bothered.
~~
"Hermione? Earth to Hermione!" Ron all but yelled as he snapped his fingers in front of his friend's face. Hermione suddenly blinked and shook her head slightly.
"Finally, you're back from whatever weird world you happened to be in just now!" Harry laughed. "What were you thinking about that could possibly be so interesting?"
"Oh, nothing," Hermione lied through her teeth. "I was just thinking about a question I had for Professor Vector in arithmancy next period..." Deep within the recesses of her mind, however, Hermione continued to admire Snape's graceful hands and the purposeful way in which he walked. She wondered how those hands would feel in her hair... How could he do this to her in such a short period of time? Then Hermione had realized she'd been noticing Professor Snape for years--since her first year at Hogwarts. It had taken until now for her to finally realize it.