**A/N** Well, I think I'll write one more chapter after this one. I don't
really know where those poems came from, but my brother dared me to
include them in a fic sometime so there they are. ;) I hope this has been
fun for everyone--I know I had fun writing this!
Valentines Day at Hogwarts was never normal, but this one was definitely the most unusual in the school's history. Instead of allowing Snape to skip the normal mealtime games played by the teachers that year, Dumbledore forced him to join in the festivities, and the Head Girl and Boy --one allegedly single and the other wanting to be--were also invited to the head table.
Hermione had woken up that morning to a procession of two dozen owls, each carrying a heart and a love letter from Severus. She was both flattered and amused--who knew the Potions Master could spoil the girl he loved? Hermione had sent Severus an opera ticket--she, of course, possessed the other.
She and Severus had decided to keep their relationship a secret from everyone, but figured that Dumbledore already knew. He knew everything-- except that Severus was secretly the author of dozens of sappy romance novels.
At Hogwarts, the staff plays a game where at every meal, each member of the staff either asks a question that every other staff member must answer honestly or dares everyone else to do something mildly embarrasing. Minerva went first.
"What is the most romantic thing you've ever done for someone?" she asked the table. "I declared my love for someone off the top of the astronomy tower years ago..."
Dumbledore had filled the bed with rose petals, Hagrid had worked desperately hard to save someone's familiar, and Remus had...(censored). Draco had finally given that book to Pansy, and ignored Snape's smirk when he used that situation. Hermione said she'd confessed in the riskiest way possible, refusing to comment any more on it. Finally it was Snape's turn.
"What about you, Severus?" Dumbledore grinned. Snape rolled his eyes, trying to look put upon, and sighed. "I had two dozen owls fly into her room, each carrying a black rose and a love letter." Minerva's jaw dropped, and Remus choked on his bacon. Trelawney shook her head and clucked, "I never saw it coming..." Snape decided not to comment on that. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled and suddenly he looked very proud.
"You're kidding, right?" asked Hooch, never one for tact. Hermione tried to conceal her smile, which was spreading rapidly across her face. Severus saw the mirth in her eyes and had to suppress the urge to smile himself. He glared at Hooch, and she gasped, "You're serious, aren't you?"
"Deadly."
~~
"All right," Hagrid grunted at lunch--it was his turn. "I want all of ye to yell out the most immature limerick ye know! Loudly enough for all of us ta hear it!" Dumbledore began, and he managed to set the theme for the entire poetry session.
"An observant old codger named Browder Said "Now, between bean soup and chowder, You'll find my good friend, That bean soup-- in the end-- Will prove to be several times louder."
Everyone was silent for a moment, and then Flitwick began to snicker. "That WAS immature!" Trelawney sighed, pretending to be above it all. However, her poem was even more ridiculous:
"I sat next to the duchess at tea. It was just as I thought it would be. Her rumblings abdominal Were something phenomenal And everyone thought it was me!"
Flitwick and Snape recited the dirtiest, most inappropriate limericks they knew. Even Hooch was blushing after Snape's. Draco's was pretty pathetic-- almost as pathetic as his 'romantic' gesture, but not quite. Hermione happened to go last this time, and she chose an old muggle favorite. Grinning evilly, she opened her mouth and began to recite this age-old verse:
"There once was a man from Nantucket..."
~~
Draco's 'dare' was for everyone at the head table to passionately kiss (tongue required and for at least a five second duration) a person at the head table of his choosing. Luckily, his pairings were not particularly damaging. The pairs were Sprout with Flitwick, Trelawney with Remus, Hooch with Hagrid, McGonagall with Dumbledore, and Draco with Vector. He looked at Hermione maliciously,obviously thinking he was doing her a great disservice, and announced that she would be kissing Snape. He looked stunned when she didn't act horrified or send any evil looks his way. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled very brightly.
Draco was shocked when the pairs he chose (with the exception of Remus and Trelawney and his own kiss with Vector) seemed to enjoy the snogging a little too much. Luckily, none of the students who were dining at the normal tables noticed what was going on: Dumbledore had cast a charm over the table to prevent them from paying attention to the teachers' antics.
It was Severus and Hermione's kiss that shocked everyone the most, although they were still too dubious to read into it the way they should have. Grinning at Hermione, Severus had captured her lips in a toe-curling, heart-stopping kiss that made the one between Wesley and Buttercup look pathetic (A/N: for those of you who have seen The Princess Bride...). Tongue was, as required, most enthusiastically included. It also lasted a bit longer than five seconds...
McGonagall looked slightly ill after witnessing the kiss, and whispered to Hermione, "Are you all right?" Hermione looked at her and laughed. "Of course I'm all right! Why wouldn't I be?" Snape smirked at Draco, whose eyes were popping from his head, and was torn between amusement and disgust when Remus murmured something to himself about Black needing to take lessons.
~~
There were, however, to be many more surprises that night. Dumbledore was the last person to make a request, and he gave Snape a strange look before he declared, "Have any of you ever written a book? If so, give the title. If you have written multiple books, name them all." Severus went white, but no one seemed to notice. Dumbledore managed to save him for last.
Dumbledore himself had written part of "Hogwarts: A History." McGonagall had written a transfiguration textbook, and Hooch was author of the official Quidditch rulebook. No one else had written anything.
"How about you, Severus?" Dumbledore asked pointedly, the twinkle in his eyes growing brighter. Knowing he couldn't lie his way out of this one, Severus surrendered and finally confessed a secret he'd been keeping for years. He knew this was Dumbledore's revenge for not being told from the beginning...
"I've written many books," he admitted. "I've written multiple books about poisons and their effects, as well as a textbook about the use of potions in medicine. But I suppose I am best known," he paused to smirk,"as the author of 'Too Many Layers,' 'Marquis of Hearts,' 'Fire and Lightning'"... the list went on for some time, and was concluded with 'The Alchemist.'
The entire head table was stunned, with the exceptions of Hermione, Dumbledore, and Severus.
"You can't be serious!" Trelawney shrieked. Hooch started coughing wildly, and Remus looked so mortified that Severus wished desperately for a wizard camera.Dumbledore started to beam widely.
"I always knew ye were jest a big softie!" Hagrid chuckled, thumping Severus on the back so roughly he almost knocked the potions master into his soup. "Ye're a good author, Snape!"
McGonagall was hyperventilating at the moment, regarding Severus with wide eyes. Snape turned to Malfoy and sneered, "You tell anyone I write those, and I'll make sure that everyone knows you read them." The whole staff table began to laugh, except for Minerva, who fell into a dead faint and had to be transported to the infirmary. By the end of the meal, everyone at the table had been sworn to secrecy to prevent Dumbledore's prank from having too many repercussions.
"Severus, my boy, if you had simply told me in the first place, I wouldn't have had to do this." Dumbledore sighed with mock regret. Severus scowled, nodded grudgingly, and tried to sulk. However, he couldn't remain angry for long because, unnoticed by the other staff members, Hermione's hand was under the table and creeping up his thigh. Merlin, he could get used to this!
Valentines Day at Hogwarts was never normal, but this one was definitely the most unusual in the school's history. Instead of allowing Snape to skip the normal mealtime games played by the teachers that year, Dumbledore forced him to join in the festivities, and the Head Girl and Boy --one allegedly single and the other wanting to be--were also invited to the head table.
Hermione had woken up that morning to a procession of two dozen owls, each carrying a heart and a love letter from Severus. She was both flattered and amused--who knew the Potions Master could spoil the girl he loved? Hermione had sent Severus an opera ticket--she, of course, possessed the other.
She and Severus had decided to keep their relationship a secret from everyone, but figured that Dumbledore already knew. He knew everything-- except that Severus was secretly the author of dozens of sappy romance novels.
At Hogwarts, the staff plays a game where at every meal, each member of the staff either asks a question that every other staff member must answer honestly or dares everyone else to do something mildly embarrasing. Minerva went first.
"What is the most romantic thing you've ever done for someone?" she asked the table. "I declared my love for someone off the top of the astronomy tower years ago..."
Dumbledore had filled the bed with rose petals, Hagrid had worked desperately hard to save someone's familiar, and Remus had...(censored). Draco had finally given that book to Pansy, and ignored Snape's smirk when he used that situation. Hermione said she'd confessed in the riskiest way possible, refusing to comment any more on it. Finally it was Snape's turn.
"What about you, Severus?" Dumbledore grinned. Snape rolled his eyes, trying to look put upon, and sighed. "I had two dozen owls fly into her room, each carrying a black rose and a love letter." Minerva's jaw dropped, and Remus choked on his bacon. Trelawney shook her head and clucked, "I never saw it coming..." Snape decided not to comment on that. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled and suddenly he looked very proud.
"You're kidding, right?" asked Hooch, never one for tact. Hermione tried to conceal her smile, which was spreading rapidly across her face. Severus saw the mirth in her eyes and had to suppress the urge to smile himself. He glared at Hooch, and she gasped, "You're serious, aren't you?"
"Deadly."
~~
"All right," Hagrid grunted at lunch--it was his turn. "I want all of ye to yell out the most immature limerick ye know! Loudly enough for all of us ta hear it!" Dumbledore began, and he managed to set the theme for the entire poetry session.
"An observant old codger named Browder Said "Now, between bean soup and chowder, You'll find my good friend, That bean soup-- in the end-- Will prove to be several times louder."
Everyone was silent for a moment, and then Flitwick began to snicker. "That WAS immature!" Trelawney sighed, pretending to be above it all. However, her poem was even more ridiculous:
"I sat next to the duchess at tea. It was just as I thought it would be. Her rumblings abdominal Were something phenomenal And everyone thought it was me!"
Flitwick and Snape recited the dirtiest, most inappropriate limericks they knew. Even Hooch was blushing after Snape's. Draco's was pretty pathetic-- almost as pathetic as his 'romantic' gesture, but not quite. Hermione happened to go last this time, and she chose an old muggle favorite. Grinning evilly, she opened her mouth and began to recite this age-old verse:
"There once was a man from Nantucket..."
~~
Draco's 'dare' was for everyone at the head table to passionately kiss (tongue required and for at least a five second duration) a person at the head table of his choosing. Luckily, his pairings were not particularly damaging. The pairs were Sprout with Flitwick, Trelawney with Remus, Hooch with Hagrid, McGonagall with Dumbledore, and Draco with Vector. He looked at Hermione maliciously,obviously thinking he was doing her a great disservice, and announced that she would be kissing Snape. He looked stunned when she didn't act horrified or send any evil looks his way. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled very brightly.
Draco was shocked when the pairs he chose (with the exception of Remus and Trelawney and his own kiss with Vector) seemed to enjoy the snogging a little too much. Luckily, none of the students who were dining at the normal tables noticed what was going on: Dumbledore had cast a charm over the table to prevent them from paying attention to the teachers' antics.
It was Severus and Hermione's kiss that shocked everyone the most, although they were still too dubious to read into it the way they should have. Grinning at Hermione, Severus had captured her lips in a toe-curling, heart-stopping kiss that made the one between Wesley and Buttercup look pathetic (A/N: for those of you who have seen The Princess Bride...). Tongue was, as required, most enthusiastically included. It also lasted a bit longer than five seconds...
McGonagall looked slightly ill after witnessing the kiss, and whispered to Hermione, "Are you all right?" Hermione looked at her and laughed. "Of course I'm all right! Why wouldn't I be?" Snape smirked at Draco, whose eyes were popping from his head, and was torn between amusement and disgust when Remus murmured something to himself about Black needing to take lessons.
~~
There were, however, to be many more surprises that night. Dumbledore was the last person to make a request, and he gave Snape a strange look before he declared, "Have any of you ever written a book? If so, give the title. If you have written multiple books, name them all." Severus went white, but no one seemed to notice. Dumbledore managed to save him for last.
Dumbledore himself had written part of "Hogwarts: A History." McGonagall had written a transfiguration textbook, and Hooch was author of the official Quidditch rulebook. No one else had written anything.
"How about you, Severus?" Dumbledore asked pointedly, the twinkle in his eyes growing brighter. Knowing he couldn't lie his way out of this one, Severus surrendered and finally confessed a secret he'd been keeping for years. He knew this was Dumbledore's revenge for not being told from the beginning...
"I've written many books," he admitted. "I've written multiple books about poisons and their effects, as well as a textbook about the use of potions in medicine. But I suppose I am best known," he paused to smirk,"as the author of 'Too Many Layers,' 'Marquis of Hearts,' 'Fire and Lightning'"... the list went on for some time, and was concluded with 'The Alchemist.'
The entire head table was stunned, with the exceptions of Hermione, Dumbledore, and Severus.
"You can't be serious!" Trelawney shrieked. Hooch started coughing wildly, and Remus looked so mortified that Severus wished desperately for a wizard camera.Dumbledore started to beam widely.
"I always knew ye were jest a big softie!" Hagrid chuckled, thumping Severus on the back so roughly he almost knocked the potions master into his soup. "Ye're a good author, Snape!"
McGonagall was hyperventilating at the moment, regarding Severus with wide eyes. Snape turned to Malfoy and sneered, "You tell anyone I write those, and I'll make sure that everyone knows you read them." The whole staff table began to laugh, except for Minerva, who fell into a dead faint and had to be transported to the infirmary. By the end of the meal, everyone at the table had been sworn to secrecy to prevent Dumbledore's prank from having too many repercussions.
"Severus, my boy, if you had simply told me in the first place, I wouldn't have had to do this." Dumbledore sighed with mock regret. Severus scowled, nodded grudgingly, and tried to sulk. However, he couldn't remain angry for long because, unnoticed by the other staff members, Hermione's hand was under the table and creeping up his thigh. Merlin, he could get used to this!