Kerry sighed, and stood up. She was getting sick of Mercy hospital.
She, Deb, Malucci, and Carter had spent three sleepless nights in the
hospital waiting room. They didn't want to go home yet. That would mean
they would be forced to pick out clothes for dozens of funerals. They
weren't ready for that, not yet. They knew they would have to go home soon,
though, because they had been told that there were going to be three
funerals the next day: two nurses that Kerry hardly knew, and Abby's.
Kerry shut her eyes, shutting out the memory of Abby's brother and
schizophrenic mother coming in two days before, to see the body. Maggie
couldn't fully comprehend the situation. Kerry was guessing that she had
gone off her meds again, but that wasn't any of her business.
The doctors at Mercy had tried again and again to make Maggie
understand that her daughter was dead, but Maggie kept insisting that Abby
would be showing up for work at any moment. She didn't even understand that
Abby hadn't worked at Mercy. Abby's brother, Eric, was trying to stay calm
for his mother's sake, but would leave her in a nurse's care for a few
minutes and go somewhere to cry.
Carter had made sure to stay away from Abby's mother, for fear that
she would recognize him. He just couldn't deal with her right then...
probably not ever. He had loved Abby, secretly, and her mother was just a
reminder of something that he would never have.
Deb went for a walk, wondering if she would be able to handle the
emotional struggle that lied ahead. She knew she couldn't do it alone, but
that problem could be solved later.
Mercy was getting calls from Deb's worried mother almost every half-
hour, now. Deb didn't want to talk to her. She couldn't take that, yet. She
couldn't take her mother hovering over her. Deb just told the receptionist
to tell her mother that she wasn't there, but wasn't in the morgue either.
Deb knew that eventually, she'd break, and go to her mother, but she wasn't
breaking yet, and for that, she was glad.
Carter had seen his grandmother in the hospital waiting room, once,
but had declined to talk to her. He knew what she would say. It would be
the same as what she said to him when he was stabbed : "I told you that you
should have gone into the family business. I told you not to be a doctor,
much less an ER doctor. But, you didn't listen. Now look what's happened.
That could have been you that died." Carter didn't know how to politely
tell her to "Shut up about that forever."
So far, Malucci hadn't received any calls, and he preferred it to be
so. His mother had abused him, his father never met him, and his sister was
dead. His son... God only knew where he was. He hoped his family hadn't
heard about him being involved in all of this... "Second thought... they
wouldn't give a damn if they did," he thought.
Upstairs, Mark was holding Ella, who had been discharged the day
before. Rachel would be leaving in two days, and Elizabeth in four. He
hadn't left the ICU room at all, much less the hospital. Deb had been nice
enough to remember to bring him something to eat when she came to visit
Rachel. There was a bit of awkwardness between her and Mark, but she did
her best to ignore it. The others hadn't really been upstairs at all,
though. He half wished that they would.
The next day, Rachel was allowed to get up and walk the halls with
her IV, and she took every chance that she was allowed.
While she was gone, Elizabeth asked, "Mark, I know that you know: Who
didn't make it out? Who died?"
Mark bit his lip for a moment, but then said, "A lot of people... I
couldn't begin to tell you..."
"Just name some.. any one you remember." Elizabeth said gently.
Mark wanted to name Romano, first, because his name popped out at
him, but he knew that would just shock Elizabeth more than it had shocked
him, so he skipped that name, "Well... umm... Abby Lockhart, Cleo
Finch...Halea, Randi, and Yosh... and Dr. Kovac... those are the only ones
I remember." He half lied.
Elizabeth nodded imperceptibly. She was trying to conjure up memories
of those that Mark had named... traumas that they had worked on together
came up. All she could remember of Luka was the argument they'd had over a
liver transplant. Unfortunately, Cleo was only the argument they'd had when
Cleo had gone behind her back to Peter. She hated that she couldn't
remember any thing good about them.
Elsewhere, Kerry, Dave, Kerry, Deb, and Carter were sitting inside a
church, listening to a priest drone on about having faith that Abby was in
a better place. They had all given up on religion long ago, and weren't
about to buy into it after all they'd been through.
In the front of the church, Maggie and Eric sat quietly. Tears were
streaming down Maggie's face. She had finally accepted that her daughter
had died.
"Would any one like to say a few words about the deceased?" The
priest asked. He looked expectantly and Abby's small family, but there were
no vollunteers there.
Finally, Carter stood up, and slowly made his way to the front of the
church.
"Uhh... Abby... Abby was great... I have a lot of good memories of
her and I together..." He paused, not knowing where to go from there, "She
was a great friend, never expecting any thing from me except friendship.
She was the one who cared enough to tell someone that I had a serious drug
problem... she was the one who saw it, and was willing to help me when I
recovered. She gave me the time I needed, never pushing me further that I
wanted to go. I wish that our relationship had had time to grow and turn
into something- I think that we both wanted that. I'm sorry that it never
got the chance." Everyone looked at Carter for more, but he couldn't go on.
He didn't have any thing else to say. To many memories had flowed into his
mind, blocking his thoughts.
He remembered that charity ball he had taken Abby to... they'd ended
up slitting her ex's tires
Abby and him stood outside in forty degree weather, she in pink
bridesmaid's gown and him in a tuxedo. They'd just let the air out of her
ex's tires, and were now watching the car being towed away. Abby said, out
of the blue, "Now I feel kind of bad."
"Why?" Carter asked.
"Because it kinda ruined our night too." Abby pointed out.
Carter lied, "Ruined? How?"
"Besides the vandalism?" Abby asked half-sarcastically.
Carter smiled a bit, and said, "Yeah."
Abby took a breath and said, "The fact that we're freezing to death.
The fact that we never even saw your grandmother."
She was about to go on, when Carter cut in, "Oh, she knows I was
there. That's enough."
"Okay, then." Abby managed a wan smile, "I guess nothing."
Carter ventured, "I had an okay time."
He waited tensely for Abby's answer, and was relieved when it came
as, "I had an okay time too."
Carter smiled on the memory.
Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was the priest. Carter
realized he had started to cry, and was still standing in front of the
whole church. Slightly embarrassed, Carter went back to his seat.
"John, you okay?" Deb asked quietly.
"No."
"Me either." She responded.
The mass ended, and the congregation filed out behind the casket.
Everyone headed for the graveyard. Kerry, Dave, Carter, and Deb didn't go,
because they had another funeral to go to.
