Several days had passed by since the ordeal Tahiri had undergone on Belkadan. She was whole again, and worries of losing her mind and dying were long since gone. In that short span of time, her entire perspective on life had pretty much gone back to what it had been before her unfortunate encounter with the Vong that had resulted in her death. A life she would not have if it had not been for Jacen Solo.
She had only seen him once since Belkadan, but he had been in bacta at the time, recovering from injuries sustained on the planet. She knew even without talking to him, he would never reveal any of the images he had seen in her mind without her permission. And she would do the same for him, keeping his most intimate memories secret from everyone, even Tenal Ka.
Like her, Jacen was being released from the Imperial Med Center that day, and she took the opportunity to go see him in the hours before their scheduled release.
The door to his room was open, but she knocked nevertheless before entering.
He was struggling to throw a jacket on over his broken wrist, which was now in a cast, resting comfortably in a sling. His other arm was covered in a graft bandage from the elbow down, continuing to heal from when Majj'is had used his own lightsaber to burn through his flesh.
"Need a hand?"
He looked up at her and grinned. "I already have, two, but seeing as one of them is quite useless at the moment, a third would do nicely." As Tahiri helped him have the jacket hang comfortably over his shoulder, he said, "hey, I didn't think it was that bad,"
"What? I didn't say – "
Already, she had forgotten what Cilghal had told her. Due to the deepness of the telepathic link she had formed with Jacen, the Mon Calamari had explained to both of them that their would be a certain amount of psychic residue left over; the results allowing them to access the thoughts and feelings of the other. Cilghal had assured them the effects would only be temporary and would begin to wear off in a week or so.
"No offense," Tahiri began, "but it'll be nice when it's just me in my head again,"
Jacen chuckled. "I know what you mean. It's kind've, um, extremely personal having someone knowing what your thinking,"
"Have you talked to her?" She gave a sheepish grin at listening in on his thoughts. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself,"
"Not really. We're both avoiding talking about what happened on the ship. And it's not your fault, Tahiri. It was bound to happen sooner or later, you just helped make it sooner,"
He didn't need to say more. She already knew his feelings on the subject of his deteriorating relationship with Tenal Ka, and his secret envy of her and Anakin.
"So what brings you by?" He asked, changing the subject, though he already knew what the answer to that would be.
"I thought we should talk privately before we go home,"
He nodded his head in agreement. "I think that's a good idea,"
She caught the way he was staring at her covered arms and unconsciously folded them across her chest, even though it was useless to try and hide it from him anymore.
"I'm okay," she said, answering his unspoken question. "Really, I'm better. I had myself convinced I was doing it to ease the pain I was feeling inside. But deep down, I think I always knew I was doing it because I didn't know how to ask for help,"
"You don't owe me any explanations, Tahiri,"
"I know I don't, but you deserve to know after what you went through for me," she said to him. "Jacen, what you did for me – what you risked to save my life – I'll never forget that." She took his hand and gave it a squeeze. "Thank you,"
What he did was something she would expect of Anakin. The two were not so different as they liked to believe.
"We are not the same," he said, looking rather offended.
She arched an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"
"Yes, really. How could you even think we're alike? He's – he's – "
"Impulsive? Doesn't always think things throw? Shows total disregard for his own well being? Hmm… sounds like another Solo I was with on Belkadan,"
"Yeah, well, you know," Jacen began, searching to find the right words, "I made a promise to him that I'd keep you safe. And a promise is a promise,"
"And that's the only reason?" She pressed on.
"Yes,"
The words were out of his mouth before he realized Tahiri would see the lie. Thankfully, though, she left things at that, not pursuing the topic any further.
"I should get going," she said suddenly. It was more than a little awkward being in the same room with someone for an extended period of time who could read your mind at will.
She turned to go, when she heard in her mind, see you later.
She shot him a look, and he shrugged innocently, grinning lopsided. "I just wanted to see if it would still work,"
She walked out of the room then, without another word. Purposely broadcasting her relief that their psychic link would hopefully, be severed within a week. She didn't know if she succeeded in hiding she would be relieved in more ways then one.
There was something to be said about walking beside your best friend, who knew your deepest fears and could look into your soul, and yet for some reason find yourself at a loss for what to say to her.
Anakin had found himself faced with that problem since arriving at the med center to bring Tahiri home.
Without needing any sort of verbal agreement, the two of them left the Imperial Palace, their current path leading them straight through the Promenade.
At midday, the area was busy with the usual activity of shoppers moving from one shop to the next. They had to squeeze their way through in some spots because there were so many people bustling about.
Large crowds had used to bother Anakin, something he hadn't realized he'd grown out of until the citizens of Courscant were bumping past him. Some stopped to look at him, recognizing Anakin instantly as Han and Leia Solo's son, and proven Jedi Knight. Not even common civilian clothes could hide his true identity.
Despite his knew-found confidence with crowds, he gently nudged Tahiri and she took the hint. Carefully avoiding any ground cars zooming through the streets, they made their way towards the center of the Promenade Square. They took a seat underneath the towering duracrete statue of Mon Mothma, the first chief-of-state of the New Republic.
"This is stupid," Tahiri said when the silence became more than she could bear. It really was stupid for the two of them to be acting like total strangers. "I'm sorry," she said, looking at him.
"Tahiri, you don't have to do this,"
She shook her head. "No, I need to. Anakin, I've treated you like bantha fodder this past week, and even before that I was keeping you at arm's length. It wasn't because I wanted to. I kept the truth from you because I didn't want you to think any less of me,"
He was silent for a moment before asking, "what is the truth?"
"That I wish the Vong had left me dead," she admitted. She was surprised at how easily it had come out, and plunged on before she lost the nerve to do so. "I saw my parents, Anakin. I'm not completely sure, but when I died I think I went to Heaven. My parents were there. I didn't know who they were by looking at them, but I knew it was them by what I felt inside. I'd never know such happiness before. There was no worrying about Jedi training, or where the Yuuzhan Vong would strike next. It was just a little girl and her parents, until she was torn away from them.
"I prayed the memories would fade," she went on, fighting to keep her voice from breaking, "but they didn't. They got to the point where they were unbearable and I wanted so badly to be with them death was no longer something that frightened me. I welcomed it,"
She forced herself to look at him, waiting to see the look of disapproval or disgust, but they never came.
"Did you really think I would hate you or love you any less because of that?" He paused. This probably was not the best time to bring up the subject of love. "Tahiri, I would never be ashamed of you no matter what you felt or did,"
"Are you sure about that?"
"Absolutely,"
She rolled up the sleeves to her shirt, and unraveled one of the bandages covering her arm.
"Still sure?"
He didn't say anything at first, his mind still trying to comprehend what he was seeing. Anakin wasn't stupid; he knew what they were. He just had a hard time accepting what it was that he was looking at.
"It's disgusting, I know,"
"Tahiri – "
"I thought I could handle it," she rambled on, shaking more than ever now and Anakin pulled her close. "I wanted to prove I could take care of myself, but like always I ended messing up,"
"Tahiri, you didn't mess up. You were dealing with more then anyone should ever have to. Anybody would have reacted the same way,"
She wiped at some of the tears that had fallen. "You wouldn't have reacted the same way. I know you Anakin. You're never weak,"
"Maybe I just do a better job of hiding it. But believe me, Tahiri, you are a lot of things, but weak isn't one of them. You were going through a lot, and maybe for you, cutting yourself seemed to be the only way out of it. I only wished you would have told me. I could have – "
"What?" She asked, pushing away from him. "Sat there and held my hand, telling me everything was going to be okay?"
Anakin ran a frantic hand through his hair. "I could have done something,"
She had been down this road with him too many times not to know what that tone of his meant. "Anakin, don't you dare blame yourself for the choices I made. I'm the one who chose to cut myself instead of dealing with what I was feeling inside,"
"I know it's not my fault. I just don't want you to feel like you have to hide things from me – ever. No matter what your feeling you can be honest with me,"
"Maybe now would be a good time to start that honesty thing," she said slowly. When he looked at her slightly puzzled she said, "ever since I've known you, Anakin, the force and the whole Jedi thing in general, has come so easy to you. I know that's not your fault, and you've never once rubbed it in my face intentionally. But the point is, you do do it – all the time - whether you mean to or not, by the way you're constantly trying to protect me from everything. You have no idea what it's like having your best friend think he knows what's best for you at all times. Maybe I'm not the smartest Jedi or the strongest, but I've learned enough to take care of myself. Living with a tribe of Sand People five years can do that to a person,"
Anakin watched the pedestrians strolling past them. "I never knew you felt that way,"
"You never asked, Anakin." Seeing the wounded look on his face, she said, "I didn't say that stuff to hurt you. I just keep thinking about Jacen and Tenal Ka and what happened because they kept things from each other for so long. I don't want that to happen to us,"
"It won't," he promised, reaching out for her hand. She took it, feeling the warmth and strength there. He sounded more confident at that moment then she had ever heard him before.
Tahiri spoke next, knowing the unspoken question that had been floating around Anakin's mind for some time now. "Master Skywalker's making me talk to someone about everything. He thinks it'll help to talk to someone who deals with this kind of stuff on a daily basis,"
Anakin nodded, knowing he didn't have to say anything. What mattered now was Tahiri was going to be okay again. It would take time, but he would be there for her whenever she would let him, to aid her in being back to the care-free girl – no woman – that meant more to him than anything else in the galaxy. He pulled her close again, and this time she didn't resist.
"You're not still mad at Jacen, are you?"
"How can I be after what he did for you,"
She picked up on the bitterness in his tone that he failed to mask, but declined to comment on it. He would get over it with time. Besides, there was a more pressing matter she needed to discuss with him. "There was something you said to me a while back, but I was too busy pushing you away to tell you the truth," she said in a soft voice, though Anakin managed to hear it clearly above the rest of the noise going on around them. "I love you too," she whispered into his shoulder.
Those words made everything they had gone through seem that much more worth while, as they sat together watching the crowds pass them by. He forgot about Jacen and the war and everything else going on around them. None of that seemed to matter anymore. He had her back now and everything was going to be okay.
THE ENDLove it? Hate it? Let me know because I'm in the midst of writing a sequel.