Title: Be Happy
Author: Gisele
Date: 2002
Censor: General
Spoilers: none
Distribution: If you want this fanfic on your web site, let me know first.
Feedback: Appreciated.
E-mail: gisele56@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Buffy, The Vampire Slayer, along with all the Buffyverse, are owned by Fox. Just using the characters for fun. Please, don't sue me.
Summary: Spike gets a brand-new soul.
"I love you, Buffy."

How many times I've said it and she didn't believe me? She keeps saying I can't love because I don't have a soul. I'm dead inside, I'm a thing, a disgusting thing, she says. And what about this consuming love I feel for her? What is it then? Buffy, I LOVE you! Why you can't see that? All I've been doing doesn't give you prove that I've truly changed? That I'm not the monster I used to be?

With those questions in mind Spike would turn in every day in the past few months. It had been a long time now since Buffy had been to his crypt and said that all was over between them. He knew it was serious when she said that her using him was killing her. For him, being with her was enough, even if Buffy was seeking him just for sex. Not only because of the fun they had, but also because he believed she would fall for him eventually. But it didn't happen. Against the odds, she broke up with him — and it hurt so much that thinking of it even caused physical pain in him. He had trouble sleeping, he get down on drinking as never before. He was feeling miserable.

One night, Spike was drinking and watching Passions on his crappy TV (the only thing which kept him away from thinking about Buffy) when somebody knocked on the door. Af first, he didn't bother to get up and see who was, but as the knocking become louder and annoying, he forced himself to leave the chair and Passions and get the door. And when he did, what a surprise: standing there, all slime and antlers, was the Chaos Demon, with whom Drusilla had cheated on him years ago, in Brazil.

Surprised, Spike didn't know what to say. The Chaos Demon, a very polite fellow, though, knowing that his presence there was a little odd, hushed to explain that he needed to talk to him about Dru and the thing was very important and urgent. Saying that, the demon let himself in, leaving a very speechless Spike standing at the door. Just after few minutes the vampire managed to get himself moving and saying that he and Dru weren't together anymore, he didn't know where she was or what she was up to — anything that was concerned about her, wasn't of his business anymore.

The Chaos Demon apparently didn't listening to anything Spike had just said and chimed in that he needed help to find Dru, for he had been in love with that woman for years now and he realized he couldn't live without her. She would be the perfect mate for him, the Chaos Demon, who had to get married before the end of the month, unless he wanted to be vanished of this world forever. He could get married to any woman, but he wouldn't marry anyone, but Dru.

Spike stared at the disgusting creature and the only thing he could bring himself to say was "good luck for you then" and showed the way of the door with his head. The demon didn't take notice of this and sit down in Spike's chair, not before turning off the TV. He kept blabbing how much Dru was important for him and how he would do anything — anything — to find his beloved and propose marriage to her.

Spike, realizing that would be hard work to get rid of the annoying demon, and not knowing what exactly to say, asked him, just out of curiosity, what he would be willing to do in exchange of a little help. The Chaos Demon told him he could mess with the life of anyone the vampire wanted or bring chaos to Sunnydale, just to put some fun in the life of the vampire — "you seem a little down, fellow", he added sarcastically.

However, nothing of these things were appealing to Spike anymore. Well, he missed the old days sometimes, indeed; not the killing, but a little trashing and burning, things like the Hellions had done in Sunnydale the year before, were bloody entertaining! Putting these nasty thoughts away quickly ("Buffy wouldn't approve that"), Spike asked if the demon had something more useful to offer to him. The Chaos Demon gave some thought to it and said:

"Well, actually I've brought something here with me, but I don't think you would be interested in it."

"Tell me what it is, Captain Slime, maybe I would!" said Spike.

The Chaos Demon grabbed from the floor the large bag he had brought along with him and took from inside something that seemed a gray sheet. The demon put it on the top of the sarcophagus and spread it carefully. Spike looked at the thing and asked what the bloody hell was that. The Chaos Demon seemed upset.

"Don't you see what it is? Don't you know?" the Chaos Demon asked, a little too rude.

"I have noooo idea. Maybe it's your favorite sheet and you've forgotten to wash it?"

The demon didn't get mad at him, at all; he put his hands to his head and said:

"Of course you don't know! How could you? You're a vampire! You don't have one."

Spike's face was blank.

"Dear friend, this is a soul!" revealed the demon.

Spike, who had just lighted a cigarette, choked and, for a moment, got speechless. He approached the tomb to see the merchandising better and touched it to know how it feels like (it feels like gelly.) When he was able to speak again, he asked the demon if he was kidding him and if the answer was yes, he would kick him so hard that he would not have to be worried about Dru or marriage anymore. The Chaos Demon hushed himself to say that that thing lying there was really a soul and was ready for working. It was just grabbing it and putting around one's shoulder and say the password — yeah, there was a password — and one would have a brand new human soul. The thing is, he had won this soul in a poker game (not kitten poker game) and, since it was of no use for him, he would be glad to pass it ahead.

After the explanation, the demon, sadly, grabbed the soul from the tomb and put it back in his large bag, saying:

"Well, I knew you weren't going to be interested. I did hear about the vampire (the one whose hair goes straight up — don't quite remember his name) who got a soul out of a gipsy curse and since then has had a hell of life. I wish I-"

Spike cut him short and, being very nervous by now, tentatively said he did want a soul and would do anything to have it. Luckily, the Chaos Demon didn't hear the last phrase and propose to exchange the soul for any tiny piece of information about Drusilla. Spike, then faking no interest, at all, said:

"OK, fine. Dru is in Los Angeles. With the lame vampire whose hair goes straight up... Making his life a little more messy then already has been. Give me the password, now!" Spike ordered.

The Chaos Demon, happy with the good news, gave Spike the password gladly and walked away.

All by himself in his crypt, Spike looked at the soul with astonishment. At long last, he had a soul of his own — the damn soul that poofter Angel had and he, like Buffy always liked to throw in his face, didn't. Now, he would be complete and be able to fight for Buffy's love.

After thinking for a while about this whole new life that was about to begin for him, he picked the soul up, went downstairs and put it on. At first, he felt all the pain he had caused in centuries of killing; it was something almost unbearable, he thought he would die from that pain. But it eventually went away and was replaced by a great feeling of peace, a peace he had never known before. By this time, he was lying on his bed, very conscious of everything that had just happened.

It was then he heard a voice, a voice coming from inside him, which said:

"You were saved by your love. The love you feel for Buffy and her little sister. You learned with them and because of them how to love, and was this love that has just saved you. If there wasn't love, you would not endure the pain of knowing all you have done in the past and would have died in horrible suffering. Now, go and be happy. Be as human as a vampire can be and fight the good fight. You know you can win."

::THE END::