It had been a week since I dumped Hermione, and
I had become a complete mess; crying myself to
sleep every night, finding the idea of school
completely pointless, not doing my vacation
homework, spending the rest of Christmas vacation
wandering the halls mumbling to myself, and
seriously considering the idea of suicide.
I know that sounds really stupid, but after Hermione broke my heart for the second time, I couldn't find a reason to live. Knives, ropes, long staircases, and high windows seemed more tempting than usual. The whole idea of life just seemed pointless.
* * *
I was in Charms class, the first day back after Christmas break. I couldn't pay attention because I was still getting over Hermione. It felt like I had a wound that would never heal. I always thought about her, and because of that, it was hard to focus on daily life. I would just sit there, feeling sorry for myself while I would play the moment she said she was two-timing me and it's aftermath over and over again in my head. Then I would get even more depressed and would start thinking about suicide.
Professor Flitwick was teaching us a charm for killing roaches and other small pests. As I was trying to kill my beetle, which was scurrying around the desk, I wondered if the charm was strong enough to be effective on humans. I thought it wouldn't be so bad to have my mess of a life to end right now, so I pointed my wand at myself and said the words for the charm. There was a flash, and I blacked out.
I awoke to someone slapping my face. Goyle was standing over me slapping my face again and again. Professor Flitwick pushed through the crowd that had gathered around Goyle and me and asked what had happened. I knew if I told him I was trying to commit suicide, I would probably be sent to have a heart-to-heart with either Snape or my father, which I didn't want, so I told him my wand backfired.
Since Professor Flitwick didn't want another accident to happen, he had us start on our homework and work on it till class finished.
* * *
When I was going down to lunch, I was trying to catch up with Crabbe and Goyle but they were running ahead of me. The books in my bag spilled. I was reminded of the time when I first kissed Hermione and I got hit with a huge wave of depression.
I sat there, with my face in my hands, half expecting Hermione to help me pick up my books. But she didn't come, so I picked up my books myself and slowly trudged into the Great Hall.
* * *
Sitting down at lunch, I found I couldn't eat my food. I just didn't have an appetite, even though we were being served beef stew, which was my favorite. I sat there, looking at my food and not even trying to touch it.
"C'mon, Draco," Pansy said sweetly. "Eat your food." I looked up at Pansy, who was sitting next to me, and smiling at me with an overly - sweet smile.
"I'm not hungry," I said quickly.
"But you have to eat something."
"I'm not hungry," I repeated through clenched teeth.
"Please?"
"No."
"Just one little forkful?"
"Is there anything I can do to get rid of you?"
"Hmmmm...let me think...no!" she then gave an annoying, high - pitched giggle.
This is like being in a cage, I thought. Trapped, with no key to escape.
"Pansy," I said in a voice that I used when I thought people were stupid. "Are you aware of the fact that I broke up with you?"
She nodded, eyes wide, as if she was full of understanding.
"Then why don't you leave me alone," I said, still in the same voice. She didn't say anything.
I had a feeling that I wasn't going to get anywhere with her, so I walked out of the Great Hall and down to the greenhouses.
* * *
In Herbology, we were still working with Ikterious seeds. I was very careful not to drop them this time as we squeezed a light blue juice from them that smelled like rotting meat.
Remembering what Professor Sprout's warning about the seeds being poisonous unless they were properly boiled, I was thinking of eating one and letting myself get killed, but decided against it. One suicidal attempt was enough for the day. And anyway, I wasn't sure if I could talk myself out of this one if I was still alive after eating it. Not that I wanted to...
* * *
After dinner that night, I was lying on my bed with my homework and schoolbooks scattered around me. I didn't feel like doing my homework, so I lay there on my stomach, my chin painfully cutting into my arm, where it was resting.
I closed the curtains around my bed and took out my journal, which was never written in before. I muttered lumos and my wand lit up, giving me enough light to see so I could write down my thoughts.
I loaded up my quill with ink and started to write:
Ways of committing suicide
-drowning -jumping out a high window -avada kedavra -slitting wrist/throat/etc. -hanging -severely fracturing skull
I looked over my list, only half believing that I wrote that, wondering how I could be so depressed and pathetic at the same time. I put blotter on my page, and waited for it to dry. I quickly stuck my journal under my pillow, not wanting anyone to see it.
I heard footsteps and pulled open the curtains. Goyle was coming into the dormitory.
"Hi, Draco," he said.
I nodded my head, looking down at my empty parchment that was supposed to have an essay about the werewolf convention written on it.
"We're having a party in the common room," he continued. "Do you want to come?"
"No, thanks," I said, not really allowing his words to sink in.
"Are you sure? They're going to have that muggle equipment that plays songs."
"I'm sure."
"Well, it's your choice...." Yeah, like that was going to get me to come. Goyle must have realized that he wasn't going to get much else from me, so he left for the common room.
After staring at all the books and blank rolls of parchment on my bed, I rolled over on my back and stared at the underside of the bed's canopy. I rolled back over on my stomach and continued to stare at the parchment.
It was funny how menacing the empty parchment was. I knew it was only a sheet of parchment that was supposed to have writing on it, but as I looked at it I could see the stern face of McGonagall, the sly face of Snape, the round face of Sprout, the mysterious face of Trelawney, the unsure and troubled face of Hagrid, the emotionless and transparent face of Binns, the small face of Flitwick, and the radiant, seductive face of Madame Delacour. Even though they weren't talking, I could tell that they demanded to know why my homework wasn't being done.
"Pss, homework," I said, knocking all of my books and parchment off the bed and onto the floor with one sweep of my arm. I looked down to the mess on the floor and saw that one of my ink bottles had smashed and the ink was spreading on the parchment.
Smashed ink bottle, I thought. Fight with Harry. Quill pen in his scar. Hospital wing. Sneaking out to tell Hermione how much I love her. Hermione telling me she's Ron's girlfriend. Hermione fooling me saying she broke up with Ron. Hermione dating me. Giving Hermione the ring. Realizing Hermione tricked me all this time. Hermione, Hermione, Hermione.... Everything leads to Hermione. It's because of Hermione that I'm like this. Weak, sad, pathetic.
I could hear noise from the party in the common room. The babble of talk, laughter, and music reached my ears. I had half a mind to join the party until I heard the lyrics of the music.
"Bye - bye, love, Bye - bye, happiness, Hello, loneliness, I feel like I'm gonna cry - ie. Bye - bye, love, Bye - bye, sweet caress, Hello, loneliness, I think I'm gonna die - ie. Bye - bye, my love, good - bye - ie"
After I heard the music, I didn't feel like going down to the party. I was too depressed. The song reminded me of all that happened and everything I felt. I curled up into a ball on my bed, and silently cried myself to sleep.
* * *
I woke up in the middle of the night still in my clothes, because I hadn't bothered to undress before I went to bed.
I lay in bed, trying to fall asleep again, but I couldn't. I felt sort of dizzy, but I guess that's what you get when you fall asleep at around 7:30 and wake up at some unearthly hour.
I looked around me, to see what happened to my books and parchment. I saw them stacked in a pile on my bedside table. I figured that one of the house - elves put them there.
I crossed the room and looked out the window. It was pitch black outside. I could barely see anything, until it came. The sun. I saw the sky turn pink as the sun rose. Just a little bit of it showed at first, then more and more of it came up, illuminating the land. Then, the sky turned blue. It was the most beautiful thing I had seen in my life.
"Amazing, isn't it?" someone behind me said, making me jump. I turned around and saw Goyle looking at the sun, which was now in the sky, with a look of awe on his face.
I nodded, looking back to the sunrise.
"Every morning I wake up to see the sunrise," he continued. "It always strikes me how beautiful it is. There's something about it that's so...so...I can't describe it, but it's so...that.
* * *
I was in my first class of the day, Arithmancy, and I started to feel guilty about not doing my homework. I mentally cursed myself for being so stupid and hard - headed, then tried to comb my brain for a reasonable excuse to give to Professor Vector. Then I remembered: Professor Vector didn't give us any homework. Well, that left Slytherin with some house points to spare.
I spent the rest of class in a deep, depressed stupor. The sunrise had driven it away, but now, back in class with Hermione sitting a few rows in front of me, the depression came back in sort of an explosion.
* * *
When I open my eyes, it will be Saturday, I thought in vain. I was now in Transfiguration class and McGonagall was going around collecting the homework. Again, that feeling of guilt came back to me. I was mad at myself for being so pathetic. Father was right; I would make a poor excuse for a Death Eater. But then again, he never paid enough attention to me to actually know if I was or not.
"A - hem!" the sound of McGonagall clearing her throat made me jump. I opened my eyes and looked up at her standing over me with a stern look on her face.
The lioness lies in wait, I thought. Hoping to sink her teeth into the snake lying in the grass. But the snake won't give up the fight that easily.
"Where is your homework, Malfoy?" she asked.
The lioness slowly creeps closer to the snake, who is unaware of how much longer it will be alive.
"I didn't do it, Professor," I mumbled. I could see her nostrils flare.
The lioness is crouching, ready to pounce. The snake let it's guard down; it's looking the other way.
"Ten points from Slytherin. You will make it up tonight." She walked briskly back to her desk.
The lioness pounced. She is walking back to the pride with the dead snake clutched between her jaws. She then eats it, tearing the snake's flesh off its bones with her powerful jaws.
* * *
Saturday was finally here. I sat on my bed, depressed (as usual), while almost everybody else was out shopping in Hogsmeade.
I thought about committing suicide again. I had the perfect setting; the teachers were out, I had a penknife in my trunk, and there was no one to stop me.
I went over to my trunk and started digging around in it, trying to find my penknife. I found it under one of my schoolbooks. I took it out and examined the handle that looked like a snake with emerald eyes. I wondered how to kill myself with the knife.
Stab myself in the heart? I thought. No, too messy. Slit my throat? No, too painful. I guess I'll slit my wrist.
I held out my wrist and drew the knife across it. I watched painfully as blood oozed from the cut. I wished for something a little more dramatic, but I guess it was a little too late for that.
"Draco, what are you doing?" I looked around in surprise as Goyle stood in front of me with a shocked expression on his face.
"N - nothing," I stammered as I tried to hide my bleeding wrist without messing up my robes or sheets.
"Look," he said. "I've known you long enough to see that something hasn't been right lately."
"You've - you've noticed?" I mentally slapped myself for saying that. I was not supposed to say that. Now he would be even more suspicious.
"Yeah. Since after our first Quidditch game of the year, you didn't seem to want to tease Harry or Hermione. You refused to call Hermione a Mudblood, remember? That's when I thought something was up. Then after Christmas, you got into a state of depression, which hasn't left you yet."
I was shocked. I never knew Goyle was that smart.
"What are you doing?" I asked him. He was rummaging through his trunk.
"Here," he said. He was holding a roll of bandages in his hands.
"What's that for?"
He rolled his eyes. "You don't want to go to the hospital wing and have the whole school know about this soon, do you?"
"No," but I was really thinking, Dang. One of my easiest ways out is blocked. Maybe I'll jump out of the window now.
He tied the bandage around my wrist and it stopped bleeding.
"Thanks," I said. I got up and started to walk past Goyle and out of the dorm room.
"Where are you going?" Goyle asked me.
"Out."
He got up and blocked the doorway.
"Oh, no. You're just going to try to kill yourself some other way."
"So? Does anyone care?"
"But you have a lot to live for, don't you?"
"What do you mean, 'But you have a lot to live for?' Look at me. Does it look like I have anything to live for to you?"
"Well - "
"NO!! I'M ONLY SIXTEEN AND I'VE HAD BODYGUARDS SINCE I WAS ELEVEN! AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE A LIFE - THREATENING JOB! HECK, I DON'T EVEN HAVE A JOB AT ALL! THAT'S SICK! THAT'S PATHETIC! I'M AN INSECURE FREAK! I'M SO PATHETIC I CAN'T EVEN GET THE GIRL I LOVE TO LIKE ME BACK!! GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON NOT TO KILL MYSELF. JUST ONE."
"Um, well..."
"SEE! YOU CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING! I TOLD YOU I HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR!" I ran under Goyle's outstretched arm and out of Slytherin with him screaming behind me, telling me that he was still thinking.
* * *
I ran across the second floor, to a window overlooking the lake. I looked out the window and noticed that it wasn't the biggest drop in the world. I thought about going up to the seventh floor and jumping out a window from there, but then I realized that I didn't want my guts splattered all over the grounds. The second floor would do.
I got up on the windowsill and admired the view. It's nice to look at something comforting before you do something daring. I saw Hagrid taking a walk near the castle. It was sort of funny how everything was so perfect and that I knew in a few seconds it wouldn't be.
I spread my arms and jumped. The feeling was so exhilarating, I didn't want to hit the ground. I felt a little like I was flying. I expected to hit the ground at any second, except that I didn't. Hagrid caught me and we both fell to the ground.
"Malfoy!" he said with surprise. "What do yeh think yer doin'?"
"Trying to get away from my miseries," I said, liking how poetic I sounded.
Hagrid got up, holding me in his arms like a baby.
"Do yeh want ter come ter my place an' talk abou' this over a cup o' tea?"
"Yes, please."
Hagrid walked over to his house holding me in his arms. I knew he was only doing this to be polite, but I felt well protected in his massive arms.
* * *
In his house, he put me down in a chair while he hurriedly fixed the tea. I looked around at my surroundings. I liked that Hagrid's house was so cozy and welcoming. Of course I never told this to anyone because if I did, I would be teased to no end.
Hagrid put a cup of steaming tea and a plate of scones in front of me. I awkwardly sniffed the tea, wondering if he put something in it, for I knew very well that he detested me.
"What are yeh sniffin' yer tea fer? Yeh think I'm gon' poison yeh?" I gave an embarrassed shrug and took a sip of the tea. It tasted fine.
"Thanks for saving my life, Hagrid."
"Yer welcome. I hope ye'll excuse me fer pryin' but, why'd you jump out the window?"
I could feel tears well up in my eyes. "Love gone wrong."
"Did she dump yeh?" I shook my head.
"Yeh dumped her?"
"Sort of."
"Sort of?"
"I dumped her because she two-timed me."
"Yeh mind telling me the story?"
It was as if a dam that held all the pain, sorrow and anger that I kept hidden ever since the breakup, broke. Tears started to stream down my face.
"I was in love with the wrong girl," I sobbed. "I knew it all the time. She wasn't the wrong girl because she didn't fit my personality. She did, but she was from the wrong house. We both knew it and had to keep it a secret. But that was really hard because you never know who's watching you here at Hogwarts. She told me she broke up with her boyfriend. Then we start dating and I get her a ring and we meet in a secret spot and I find out that she never actually did break up with her boyfriend, so all this time she was two-timing us and I broke up with her and got driven into a state of deep depression and tried to commit suicide three times." I started to cry louder.
Hagrid held me on his lap and rocked me back and forth, back and forth. After a few minutes he asked me what house she was in. I was crying so much I couldn't tell him.
"Hufflepuff?" he asked. I shook my head.
"Ravenclaw?" I shook my head again.
"Gryffindor?" he asked in a skeptic tone. I nodded my head and cried even louder.
"What's her name?"
"Her - Her - Her - " I choked out through my tears.
"Hermione? Yeh were in love with Hermione?" I nodded, my body shaking from all the crying.
He looked shocked at the thought, I could tell. I knew what he was thinking.
What would Hermione find in Draco? How could she even think of dating that disgusting Slytherin?
"Yeh must o' really been in love with each other to take that kind o' a risk," he mused.
"We were," I managed to say through my tears. "We were so in love. Then it had to go downhill like this..."
"Who was she two-timing yeh with?"
"Ron."
"That's gotta cut you real deep," he said, pouring me another cup of tea. "To have your girl date someone else at the same time." I nodded.
There was a knock at the door. Hagrid put me down off his lap and went to answer it. I quickly wiped away my tears, only causing more to come out.
Hagrid opened the door and saw Snape standing there.
"Hello, Hagrid," Snape said in that way that gave you the impression you were in trouble. "May I borrow Malfoy for a moment?"
I hate the way that teachers say that they have to "borrow you for a moment" as if you're some household thing. "Hello, Hagrid. May I borrow your feather duster a.k.a. Malfoy for a moment?" I mean, we have feelings too, you know.
"Yeh can borrow Malfoy for a moment."
"Come with me, Malfoy." Snape walked briskly out of Hagrid's hut. I followed him.
"Where are we going?" I asked him.
"My office," he replied. I had a strange feeling about this.
* * *
In his office, he sat down behind his desk and pointed to a chair in front of it. I sat down in the chair.
"Now," he said. "I saw you - er - jump out the window and I want to know why you did that."
I squirmed in my chair. For some reason I found it a lot easier to tell Hagrid than to tell Snape. Maybe it was because of the fact that Snape reminded you of a deadly cobra and Hagrid, your teddy bear. Or maybe it was because Hagrid was asking so you could feel better, while Snape was demanding.
"Professor Snape," I asked him. "Have you ever been in love?"
"Does that matter?" I could see him getting flustered and I think his cheeks turned slightly pink.
"I'm not talking about the rumors between you and McGonagall. I actually want to know." when I said that sentence, it felt like I was the teacher and he, the student.
"That's irrelevant." he said with a tone of annoyance.
"No it's not, Professor. Because if you were, you would understand what I'm going through."
"Malfoy, stop acting like you're the professor."
"I'm not trying to. I just want to know if you have or not."
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!"
"Woah, Snape. Since when did you start yelling?"
"SINCE NOW! WHEN YOU'VE BEEN PESTERING ME WITH THAT ANNOYING QUESTION!"
"Well, now you know what it's like to have a heart-to-heart with your teacher."
"DON'T YOU TRY TO GET SMART WITH ME, MALFOY!"
"I think I already have."
Snape came from behind his desk and slapped my face with the back of his hand. Tears jumped into my eyes.
"Twenty points from Slytherin," he said in a whisper. "For acting like such an imbecile."
"Fine," I said, trying hard not to cry. "But all I did was ask a simple question."
I left the office in a huff, taking good care to slam the door when I left.
* * *
I walked towards my common room, tears threatening to spill over. I managed to hold it back for a while, but then they just came flooding out.
I sank to the floor, heaving and sobbing. Not for what just happened now, but for everything that happened until now; for my miserable life, for my unsuccessful love, and for my foolishness.
Someone handed me a handkerchief. I couldn't see their face, but I was grateful just the same.
I cried into the handkerchief. Whoever was there didn't leave my side. It was sort of comforting and embarrassing at the same time.
"Thanks," I said, holding out the handkerchief when I was done. I still couldn't see the person's face.
"You're welcome," came the reply in Hermione's voice.
I looked up and saw her. I was shocked. I couldn't talk. She hadn't spoken to me since the day after Christmas. I stood up.
"You" I said angrily, throwing the handkerchief in her face. "Are the cause of all my pain and sadness. I will get my revenge, starting tomorrow."
* * *
At breakfast the next day, I looked over at the Gryffindor table while the owls came flying in with the morning mail. I glanced slyly as I saw an owl drop a bright red envelope in Hermione's lap. She looked terrified as she slowly slit open the envelope. Then came my voice, about a thousand times louder than usual.
"HOW DARE YOU TOY WITH MY AFFECTIONS!" the howler screamed in my voice. Everybody looked around to see who was the unlucky one, and realized with shock that it was Hermione.
Those who recognized my voice were looking at me with their mouths open. Everybody else was looking at Hermione.
"WE COMPARED EACH OTHER TO ROMEO AND JULIET, REMEMBER? YOU, A GRYFFINDOR AND ME, A SLYTHERIN. TWO PEOPLE WHO WEREN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO LIKE EACH OTHER WERE IN LOVE." A hush fell over the room as everyone wanted to know about Hermione and her mysterious Slytherin lover.
"BUT HOW CAN YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO JULIET WHEN YOU DIDN'T DO WHAT SHE DID? DON'T YOU REMEMBER? IN THE STORY, JULIET PRETENDS TO BE DEAD SO SHE CAN BE FOREVER FAITHFUL TO ROMEO. I DON'T REMEMBER YOU DOING THAT. IN FACT, I REMEMBER YOU TWO-TIMING ME." I could see tears welling up in her eyes. Whether from embarrassment, anger or sadness, I couldn't tell.
"BUT AS ROMEO, I PLAYED MY PART TO THE TEE. ROMEO KILLS HIMSELF BECAUSE HE THINKS THAT JULIET IS DEAD. AND BY COINCIDENCE, AFTER YOU SAID THAT YOU WERE TWO-TIMING ME, I BECAME A SUICIDAL FREAK, THINKING THAT DEATH WAS THE ONLY WAY OUT OF THIS. AND NOW HERMIONE, I WILL SPILL THE BEANS ON YOU IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL. ARE YOU READY?" There was much loud hooting and hollering from the Slytherin table, and everybody perked up their ears to hear Hermione made a disgrace of in front of the whole school.
"LISTEN CLOSELY, EVERYBODY AS HERMIONE GRANGER IS GOING TO BECOME A DISGRACE. IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T GUESSED ALREADY, HER SLYTHERIN LOVER WAS DRACO MALFOY." This produced a lot of jeering and booing.
"THE PERSON SHE TWO-TIMED DRACO WITH WAS RON WEASLEY. MAYBE THIS WOULDN'T BE SO BAD EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT HERMIONE TOLD YOURS TRULY SHE BROKE UP WITH RON WHEN SHE NEVER DID. HERMIONE AND I WERE DATING SINCE THE BEGINNING OF DECEMBER. AND THEN, THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS, SHE BOTHERS TO TELL ME THAT I WAS TWO-TIMED ALL THIS TIME. I BECOME HEARTBROKEN AND TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE THREE TIMES."
Then the howler burst into flames as the whole school laughed, jeered, and booed. I felt particularly like my old haughty self again. I smirked as I saw Ron stand up with a look of pure fury on his face.
"Malfoy," Ron said gripping the table so hard I could see his knuckles turn white. "Why did you do that?"
"Well, Weasel," I said in my old drawl. "Hermione broke my heart very unfairly and I thought the school would like to know."
"But look at her!" Ron screamed, pointing to Hermione who had put her face in her hands and was sobbing. "Is that what a real man does?"
"One question; are you still going out with her, Weasel?"
"Yes."
"Yes? After she two-timed you with a Slytherin? Is that what a real man does?"
"You wanna fight, Malfoy? Let's fight; and determine who the real man is."
"Gladly."
We got up from our chairs and walked to the center of the Great Hall. I whipped out my wand but Ron just smiled at me.
"Ah, ah, ah, Malfoy" he said, shaking his finger. "Fistfight. That's how real men do it."
"If you say so," I put my wand away.
"Boys!" Professor McGonagall said, making us snap to attention. "I won't have another fight between you this year. You've already had two, and that's enough."
"Three's a magic number," I heard Ron say as he jumped on my back and pinned me down to the floor.
It was a cascade of punches and kicks that came flying out of nowhere until Harry came along.
"Break it up, break it up," he said as tried to force us apart.
"You keep out of this," I told him. "Or I'll stick a quill pen in your forehead again." That shut him up.
Ron jumped on my back again and resumed to punching me. I managed to put him in a head lock and punched his face.
"Stop it, stop it!" Dumbledore said, coming towards us. We didn't stop.
He pointed his wand at us. "Expelliarmus!" he shouted and we got blasted backwards and flew to opposite sides of the Great Hall.
As I got up, I saw that Ron had a scratched face. I could taste blood, and figured I had a cut lip.
"One hundred and fifty points each from your houses!" Dumbledore said sternly. "And a conversation with you and your parents in my office tomorrow after class."
Uh - oh, I thought. Something tells me that this is not going to be good.
* * *
The next day after classes, Dumbledore was waiting for Ron and me in the Entrance Hall. We followed him up to his office, where my parents and the Weasleys were sitting in chairs and I suddenly understood the phrase, "if looks could kill." I felt like I was stepping into a war zone.
"Now," said Dumbledore sitting himself behind his desk and not paying attention to the death stares between families. "I would like to inform you what happened."
"We know what happened, Dumbledore," Father said in a voice that made chills run up and down my spine.
"Lucius," Dumbledore said in a calm voice. "Do you know the background story?"
"No."
"Tell them, Draco."
"Yes, sir," I said meekly, knowing that after I finished my story I was as good as dead.
"I was in love with Hermione," I began. I could see Father tense up. "She told me she broke up with Ron. We started dating. Then, the day after Christmas she held a meeting with me and Ron and told us that she was two-timing us. I became a suicidal maniac and tried three times to kill myself. Yesterday I sent her a howler. It explained the whole story and made her a disgrace. Ron stuck up for her and we got into a fight."
"WHAT?!" Father yelled. I could tell that he was appalled at the idea of a Malfoy dating someone who wasn't a pureblood. "I don't believe you, Draco." He stood up.
Whoop - de - do, I thought. Here comes the parent lecture.
"You've disgraced the family name!" he continued. "That's just not what Malfoys do! They don't get in relationships with Mudbloods! I wouldn't have minded if you got in a relationship with a normal Gryffindor - "
"That's not true," I said, talking slowly and making sure that everybody who was listening got every word. "You know perfectly well if I dated Ginny you would be acting the same way." I could see everybody in the office tense up. I secretly smiled, knowing I had touched a nerve in both families.
"Don't you insult Ginny," Ron said.
"Like I would actually want to date her? I was using her as an example, Weasel." I snapped.
"Shut up."
"You first."
"Eat dung."
"Boys!" Dumbledore said. "Stop it."
"A Mudblood," Father moaned. "You dated a Mudblood. I'll be the laughing stock of the Ministry, and you'll be the cause of it. When you get home for Easter - "
"Lucius!" Mother snapped. That was rare, because she lets Father have the floor all the time.
"Not now, Narcissa," he snapped back.
"Lucius!"
"Not now, Narcissa" he repeated through clenched teeth.
"Lucius!"
"What, Narcissa?"
"Lucius, don't be so hard on him. He's heartbroken. Can't you see?"
"It doesn't matter, Narcissa. He was in a relationship with a Mudblood. That kind of behavior is not acceptable - "
"I don't think so, Lucius," Ron's father said. "I think it's about time someone in your family looked past the family background to see what kind of a person Hermione is."
"I agree," Dumbledore said. "The Malfoys have always been a little behind the times. I'm glad that one of them opened their eyes to the world and left behind prejudice."
Father just stood there with his mouth open. It was the first time that I could remember him without anything to say.
"Well, Lucius," Dumbledore said with a smile. "I hope you see that there's no harm in dating someone with a different background. This meeting is over."
"Fine," Father said as he pulled on his cloak. "But remember boy, Easter holiday. Come, Narcissa."
"Don't worry," Mother whispered to me as she followed Father out of the office. "I won't let him hurt you."
"Well, Draco," Ron's father held out his hand to me. "I'm glad that there's one Malfoy who makes sense." We shook hands, but I still had a grudge against them something vicious.
* * *
After the meeting, I went to the Slytherin dorms. I pulled out my homework and started working on it when I heard a tap at the window. I looked up, and saw an owl with a letter tied to it's leg. I opened the window and the owl flew in, landed on my arm and held out it's leg to me. I took the letter off it's leg and it sat on my bed, waiting for me to respond.
I closed the window and opened the letter. I recognized Hermione's handwriting. I opened it up. It said:
Dear Draco, I'm sorry about the two-timing. I was in love with you so badly. I knew that everyone else would think I was being ridiculous, so I used Ron as a cover. But then I realized that I was in love with him, too. Though not on the same level as you and me. I know I should have told you sooner, but I couldn't find the time because Ron was always breathing down my neck. I'm really, really sorry.
Hermione
After I read the letter, I didn't know how to reply. I wanted to tell her that it was fine, that I understood. But the truth was, I didn't. I took out my quill pen and loaded it up with ink. I was thinking of something halfway decent to say, but Father's words were burning into my thoughts.
"WHAT?!"
"He was in a relationship with a Mudblood. That kind of behavior is not acceptable - "
"But remember boy, Easter holiday - "
"I'll be the laughing stock of the Ministry and you'll be the cause of it - "
I put the tip of the pen to the paper and angrily scribbled out:
Forget it, Hermione. It's back to the old Draco now.
* * *
The next day, everything was different. I looked at the Gryffindor table during breakfast and I felt a strong desire to snap the necks of everyone sitting there, just like I used to. It was like falling in love with Hermione was just a dream, a really long dream and I had waken up from it. I actually was expecting Crabbe or Goyle to tell me that I had been saying weird stuff in my sleep last night. But of course they didn't, because it was all real.
After breakfast, I saw Hermione walking with her many books. She was a few feet away from me. I held out my foot and tripped her. I saw her books spill. Then I disappeared into the crowd, so she wouldn't notice me.
I chuckled to myself a little as I went to Potions. I was back to the old Draco everybody "knew and loved."
* * *
Outside the Potions classroom waiting for Snape, I was laughing with Crabbe and Goyle. Goyle had just told a witty joke about how many morons it takes to screw in a light bulb. I didn't really get what he meant, so I just laughed to be polite.
"Hey, Draco," I heard Hermione call.
I turned around and saw her standing near me.
"What do you want, Mudblood?" I snapped.
"I want to know why you don't love me anymore," she said in a hurt voice.
"Honestly, Hermione," I said with a sneer. "You're supposed to be the smartest girl in the year, yet you can't even answer a simple question like that?"
"Look," she reached for me. "I know it's all my fault - " her hand rested on my shoulder.
"Don't touch me, Mudblood!" I knocked her hand away.
"But Draco," her eyes filled with tears. "I love you."
"Yeah, Malfoy," said Harry, who started to circle around me like a panther circling it's prey.
"She loves you," said Ron, who joined Harry with the circling.
Even though Ron had a smirk on his face, I could see that his eyes were sad. I don't blame him. Everybody knows that you really have to love someone in order to say so in front of so many people. And she did say she loved someone, but it wasn't him.
"Come on, Malfoy," Harry said. "Kiss her."
"Why?" I asked. I knew this wasn't going to end well.
"Because she loves you," said Ron.
"But I don't love her."
"Yes you do," said Harry. "Now kiss her."
"No!"
"Yes," said Ron.
"I don't want to!"
They grabbed my robe and threw me into Hermione's arms. She stumbled as I fell on her.
"Now you're in your lover's arms, Malfoy," Ron said. "Kiss her."
"Draco," Hermione said quietly. "I know you don't love me anymore, but they'll never stop talking if you don't kiss me."
"They'll never stop talking if I do," I replied hopelessly. "There's no way out. I'll get taunted either way. Maybe hexed. I hate my life."
I know that sounds really stupid, but after Hermione broke my heart for the second time, I couldn't find a reason to live. Knives, ropes, long staircases, and high windows seemed more tempting than usual. The whole idea of life just seemed pointless.
* * *
I was in Charms class, the first day back after Christmas break. I couldn't pay attention because I was still getting over Hermione. It felt like I had a wound that would never heal. I always thought about her, and because of that, it was hard to focus on daily life. I would just sit there, feeling sorry for myself while I would play the moment she said she was two-timing me and it's aftermath over and over again in my head. Then I would get even more depressed and would start thinking about suicide.
Professor Flitwick was teaching us a charm for killing roaches and other small pests. As I was trying to kill my beetle, which was scurrying around the desk, I wondered if the charm was strong enough to be effective on humans. I thought it wouldn't be so bad to have my mess of a life to end right now, so I pointed my wand at myself and said the words for the charm. There was a flash, and I blacked out.
I awoke to someone slapping my face. Goyle was standing over me slapping my face again and again. Professor Flitwick pushed through the crowd that had gathered around Goyle and me and asked what had happened. I knew if I told him I was trying to commit suicide, I would probably be sent to have a heart-to-heart with either Snape or my father, which I didn't want, so I told him my wand backfired.
Since Professor Flitwick didn't want another accident to happen, he had us start on our homework and work on it till class finished.
* * *
When I was going down to lunch, I was trying to catch up with Crabbe and Goyle but they were running ahead of me. The books in my bag spilled. I was reminded of the time when I first kissed Hermione and I got hit with a huge wave of depression.
I sat there, with my face in my hands, half expecting Hermione to help me pick up my books. But she didn't come, so I picked up my books myself and slowly trudged into the Great Hall.
* * *
Sitting down at lunch, I found I couldn't eat my food. I just didn't have an appetite, even though we were being served beef stew, which was my favorite. I sat there, looking at my food and not even trying to touch it.
"C'mon, Draco," Pansy said sweetly. "Eat your food." I looked up at Pansy, who was sitting next to me, and smiling at me with an overly - sweet smile.
"I'm not hungry," I said quickly.
"But you have to eat something."
"I'm not hungry," I repeated through clenched teeth.
"Please?"
"No."
"Just one little forkful?"
"Is there anything I can do to get rid of you?"
"Hmmmm...let me think...no!" she then gave an annoying, high - pitched giggle.
This is like being in a cage, I thought. Trapped, with no key to escape.
"Pansy," I said in a voice that I used when I thought people were stupid. "Are you aware of the fact that I broke up with you?"
She nodded, eyes wide, as if she was full of understanding.
"Then why don't you leave me alone," I said, still in the same voice. She didn't say anything.
I had a feeling that I wasn't going to get anywhere with her, so I walked out of the Great Hall and down to the greenhouses.
* * *
In Herbology, we were still working with Ikterious seeds. I was very careful not to drop them this time as we squeezed a light blue juice from them that smelled like rotting meat.
Remembering what Professor Sprout's warning about the seeds being poisonous unless they were properly boiled, I was thinking of eating one and letting myself get killed, but decided against it. One suicidal attempt was enough for the day. And anyway, I wasn't sure if I could talk myself out of this one if I was still alive after eating it. Not that I wanted to...
* * *
After dinner that night, I was lying on my bed with my homework and schoolbooks scattered around me. I didn't feel like doing my homework, so I lay there on my stomach, my chin painfully cutting into my arm, where it was resting.
I closed the curtains around my bed and took out my journal, which was never written in before. I muttered lumos and my wand lit up, giving me enough light to see so I could write down my thoughts.
I loaded up my quill with ink and started to write:
Ways of committing suicide
-drowning -jumping out a high window -avada kedavra -slitting wrist/throat/etc. -hanging -severely fracturing skull
I looked over my list, only half believing that I wrote that, wondering how I could be so depressed and pathetic at the same time. I put blotter on my page, and waited for it to dry. I quickly stuck my journal under my pillow, not wanting anyone to see it.
I heard footsteps and pulled open the curtains. Goyle was coming into the dormitory.
"Hi, Draco," he said.
I nodded my head, looking down at my empty parchment that was supposed to have an essay about the werewolf convention written on it.
"We're having a party in the common room," he continued. "Do you want to come?"
"No, thanks," I said, not really allowing his words to sink in.
"Are you sure? They're going to have that muggle equipment that plays songs."
"I'm sure."
"Well, it's your choice...." Yeah, like that was going to get me to come. Goyle must have realized that he wasn't going to get much else from me, so he left for the common room.
After staring at all the books and blank rolls of parchment on my bed, I rolled over on my back and stared at the underside of the bed's canopy. I rolled back over on my stomach and continued to stare at the parchment.
It was funny how menacing the empty parchment was. I knew it was only a sheet of parchment that was supposed to have writing on it, but as I looked at it I could see the stern face of McGonagall, the sly face of Snape, the round face of Sprout, the mysterious face of Trelawney, the unsure and troubled face of Hagrid, the emotionless and transparent face of Binns, the small face of Flitwick, and the radiant, seductive face of Madame Delacour. Even though they weren't talking, I could tell that they demanded to know why my homework wasn't being done.
"Pss, homework," I said, knocking all of my books and parchment off the bed and onto the floor with one sweep of my arm. I looked down to the mess on the floor and saw that one of my ink bottles had smashed and the ink was spreading on the parchment.
Smashed ink bottle, I thought. Fight with Harry. Quill pen in his scar. Hospital wing. Sneaking out to tell Hermione how much I love her. Hermione telling me she's Ron's girlfriend. Hermione fooling me saying she broke up with Ron. Hermione dating me. Giving Hermione the ring. Realizing Hermione tricked me all this time. Hermione, Hermione, Hermione.... Everything leads to Hermione. It's because of Hermione that I'm like this. Weak, sad, pathetic.
I could hear noise from the party in the common room. The babble of talk, laughter, and music reached my ears. I had half a mind to join the party until I heard the lyrics of the music.
"Bye - bye, love, Bye - bye, happiness, Hello, loneliness, I feel like I'm gonna cry - ie. Bye - bye, love, Bye - bye, sweet caress, Hello, loneliness, I think I'm gonna die - ie. Bye - bye, my love, good - bye - ie"
After I heard the music, I didn't feel like going down to the party. I was too depressed. The song reminded me of all that happened and everything I felt. I curled up into a ball on my bed, and silently cried myself to sleep.
* * *
I woke up in the middle of the night still in my clothes, because I hadn't bothered to undress before I went to bed.
I lay in bed, trying to fall asleep again, but I couldn't. I felt sort of dizzy, but I guess that's what you get when you fall asleep at around 7:30 and wake up at some unearthly hour.
I looked around me, to see what happened to my books and parchment. I saw them stacked in a pile on my bedside table. I figured that one of the house - elves put them there.
I crossed the room and looked out the window. It was pitch black outside. I could barely see anything, until it came. The sun. I saw the sky turn pink as the sun rose. Just a little bit of it showed at first, then more and more of it came up, illuminating the land. Then, the sky turned blue. It was the most beautiful thing I had seen in my life.
"Amazing, isn't it?" someone behind me said, making me jump. I turned around and saw Goyle looking at the sun, which was now in the sky, with a look of awe on his face.
I nodded, looking back to the sunrise.
"Every morning I wake up to see the sunrise," he continued. "It always strikes me how beautiful it is. There's something about it that's so...so...I can't describe it, but it's so...that.
* * *
I was in my first class of the day, Arithmancy, and I started to feel guilty about not doing my homework. I mentally cursed myself for being so stupid and hard - headed, then tried to comb my brain for a reasonable excuse to give to Professor Vector. Then I remembered: Professor Vector didn't give us any homework. Well, that left Slytherin with some house points to spare.
I spent the rest of class in a deep, depressed stupor. The sunrise had driven it away, but now, back in class with Hermione sitting a few rows in front of me, the depression came back in sort of an explosion.
* * *
When I open my eyes, it will be Saturday, I thought in vain. I was now in Transfiguration class and McGonagall was going around collecting the homework. Again, that feeling of guilt came back to me. I was mad at myself for being so pathetic. Father was right; I would make a poor excuse for a Death Eater. But then again, he never paid enough attention to me to actually know if I was or not.
"A - hem!" the sound of McGonagall clearing her throat made me jump. I opened my eyes and looked up at her standing over me with a stern look on her face.
The lioness lies in wait, I thought. Hoping to sink her teeth into the snake lying in the grass. But the snake won't give up the fight that easily.
"Where is your homework, Malfoy?" she asked.
The lioness slowly creeps closer to the snake, who is unaware of how much longer it will be alive.
"I didn't do it, Professor," I mumbled. I could see her nostrils flare.
The lioness is crouching, ready to pounce. The snake let it's guard down; it's looking the other way.
"Ten points from Slytherin. You will make it up tonight." She walked briskly back to her desk.
The lioness pounced. She is walking back to the pride with the dead snake clutched between her jaws. She then eats it, tearing the snake's flesh off its bones with her powerful jaws.
* * *
Saturday was finally here. I sat on my bed, depressed (as usual), while almost everybody else was out shopping in Hogsmeade.
I thought about committing suicide again. I had the perfect setting; the teachers were out, I had a penknife in my trunk, and there was no one to stop me.
I went over to my trunk and started digging around in it, trying to find my penknife. I found it under one of my schoolbooks. I took it out and examined the handle that looked like a snake with emerald eyes. I wondered how to kill myself with the knife.
Stab myself in the heart? I thought. No, too messy. Slit my throat? No, too painful. I guess I'll slit my wrist.
I held out my wrist and drew the knife across it. I watched painfully as blood oozed from the cut. I wished for something a little more dramatic, but I guess it was a little too late for that.
"Draco, what are you doing?" I looked around in surprise as Goyle stood in front of me with a shocked expression on his face.
"N - nothing," I stammered as I tried to hide my bleeding wrist without messing up my robes or sheets.
"Look," he said. "I've known you long enough to see that something hasn't been right lately."
"You've - you've noticed?" I mentally slapped myself for saying that. I was not supposed to say that. Now he would be even more suspicious.
"Yeah. Since after our first Quidditch game of the year, you didn't seem to want to tease Harry or Hermione. You refused to call Hermione a Mudblood, remember? That's when I thought something was up. Then after Christmas, you got into a state of depression, which hasn't left you yet."
I was shocked. I never knew Goyle was that smart.
"What are you doing?" I asked him. He was rummaging through his trunk.
"Here," he said. He was holding a roll of bandages in his hands.
"What's that for?"
He rolled his eyes. "You don't want to go to the hospital wing and have the whole school know about this soon, do you?"
"No," but I was really thinking, Dang. One of my easiest ways out is blocked. Maybe I'll jump out of the window now.
He tied the bandage around my wrist and it stopped bleeding.
"Thanks," I said. I got up and started to walk past Goyle and out of the dorm room.
"Where are you going?" Goyle asked me.
"Out."
He got up and blocked the doorway.
"Oh, no. You're just going to try to kill yourself some other way."
"So? Does anyone care?"
"But you have a lot to live for, don't you?"
"What do you mean, 'But you have a lot to live for?' Look at me. Does it look like I have anything to live for to you?"
"Well - "
"NO!! I'M ONLY SIXTEEN AND I'VE HAD BODYGUARDS SINCE I WAS ELEVEN! AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE A LIFE - THREATENING JOB! HECK, I DON'T EVEN HAVE A JOB AT ALL! THAT'S SICK! THAT'S PATHETIC! I'M AN INSECURE FREAK! I'M SO PATHETIC I CAN'T EVEN GET THE GIRL I LOVE TO LIKE ME BACK!! GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON NOT TO KILL MYSELF. JUST ONE."
"Um, well..."
"SEE! YOU CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING! I TOLD YOU I HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR!" I ran under Goyle's outstretched arm and out of Slytherin with him screaming behind me, telling me that he was still thinking.
* * *
I ran across the second floor, to a window overlooking the lake. I looked out the window and noticed that it wasn't the biggest drop in the world. I thought about going up to the seventh floor and jumping out a window from there, but then I realized that I didn't want my guts splattered all over the grounds. The second floor would do.
I got up on the windowsill and admired the view. It's nice to look at something comforting before you do something daring. I saw Hagrid taking a walk near the castle. It was sort of funny how everything was so perfect and that I knew in a few seconds it wouldn't be.
I spread my arms and jumped. The feeling was so exhilarating, I didn't want to hit the ground. I felt a little like I was flying. I expected to hit the ground at any second, except that I didn't. Hagrid caught me and we both fell to the ground.
"Malfoy!" he said with surprise. "What do yeh think yer doin'?"
"Trying to get away from my miseries," I said, liking how poetic I sounded.
Hagrid got up, holding me in his arms like a baby.
"Do yeh want ter come ter my place an' talk abou' this over a cup o' tea?"
"Yes, please."
Hagrid walked over to his house holding me in his arms. I knew he was only doing this to be polite, but I felt well protected in his massive arms.
* * *
In his house, he put me down in a chair while he hurriedly fixed the tea. I looked around at my surroundings. I liked that Hagrid's house was so cozy and welcoming. Of course I never told this to anyone because if I did, I would be teased to no end.
Hagrid put a cup of steaming tea and a plate of scones in front of me. I awkwardly sniffed the tea, wondering if he put something in it, for I knew very well that he detested me.
"What are yeh sniffin' yer tea fer? Yeh think I'm gon' poison yeh?" I gave an embarrassed shrug and took a sip of the tea. It tasted fine.
"Thanks for saving my life, Hagrid."
"Yer welcome. I hope ye'll excuse me fer pryin' but, why'd you jump out the window?"
I could feel tears well up in my eyes. "Love gone wrong."
"Did she dump yeh?" I shook my head.
"Yeh dumped her?"
"Sort of."
"Sort of?"
"I dumped her because she two-timed me."
"Yeh mind telling me the story?"
It was as if a dam that held all the pain, sorrow and anger that I kept hidden ever since the breakup, broke. Tears started to stream down my face.
"I was in love with the wrong girl," I sobbed. "I knew it all the time. She wasn't the wrong girl because she didn't fit my personality. She did, but she was from the wrong house. We both knew it and had to keep it a secret. But that was really hard because you never know who's watching you here at Hogwarts. She told me she broke up with her boyfriend. Then we start dating and I get her a ring and we meet in a secret spot and I find out that she never actually did break up with her boyfriend, so all this time she was two-timing us and I broke up with her and got driven into a state of deep depression and tried to commit suicide three times." I started to cry louder.
Hagrid held me on his lap and rocked me back and forth, back and forth. After a few minutes he asked me what house she was in. I was crying so much I couldn't tell him.
"Hufflepuff?" he asked. I shook my head.
"Ravenclaw?" I shook my head again.
"Gryffindor?" he asked in a skeptic tone. I nodded my head and cried even louder.
"What's her name?"
"Her - Her - Her - " I choked out through my tears.
"Hermione? Yeh were in love with Hermione?" I nodded, my body shaking from all the crying.
He looked shocked at the thought, I could tell. I knew what he was thinking.
What would Hermione find in Draco? How could she even think of dating that disgusting Slytherin?
"Yeh must o' really been in love with each other to take that kind o' a risk," he mused.
"We were," I managed to say through my tears. "We were so in love. Then it had to go downhill like this..."
"Who was she two-timing yeh with?"
"Ron."
"That's gotta cut you real deep," he said, pouring me another cup of tea. "To have your girl date someone else at the same time." I nodded.
There was a knock at the door. Hagrid put me down off his lap and went to answer it. I quickly wiped away my tears, only causing more to come out.
Hagrid opened the door and saw Snape standing there.
"Hello, Hagrid," Snape said in that way that gave you the impression you were in trouble. "May I borrow Malfoy for a moment?"
I hate the way that teachers say that they have to "borrow you for a moment" as if you're some household thing. "Hello, Hagrid. May I borrow your feather duster a.k.a. Malfoy for a moment?" I mean, we have feelings too, you know.
"Yeh can borrow Malfoy for a moment."
"Come with me, Malfoy." Snape walked briskly out of Hagrid's hut. I followed him.
"Where are we going?" I asked him.
"My office," he replied. I had a strange feeling about this.
* * *
In his office, he sat down behind his desk and pointed to a chair in front of it. I sat down in the chair.
"Now," he said. "I saw you - er - jump out the window and I want to know why you did that."
I squirmed in my chair. For some reason I found it a lot easier to tell Hagrid than to tell Snape. Maybe it was because of the fact that Snape reminded you of a deadly cobra and Hagrid, your teddy bear. Or maybe it was because Hagrid was asking so you could feel better, while Snape was demanding.
"Professor Snape," I asked him. "Have you ever been in love?"
"Does that matter?" I could see him getting flustered and I think his cheeks turned slightly pink.
"I'm not talking about the rumors between you and McGonagall. I actually want to know." when I said that sentence, it felt like I was the teacher and he, the student.
"That's irrelevant." he said with a tone of annoyance.
"No it's not, Professor. Because if you were, you would understand what I'm going through."
"Malfoy, stop acting like you're the professor."
"I'm not trying to. I just want to know if you have or not."
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!"
"Woah, Snape. Since when did you start yelling?"
"SINCE NOW! WHEN YOU'VE BEEN PESTERING ME WITH THAT ANNOYING QUESTION!"
"Well, now you know what it's like to have a heart-to-heart with your teacher."
"DON'T YOU TRY TO GET SMART WITH ME, MALFOY!"
"I think I already have."
Snape came from behind his desk and slapped my face with the back of his hand. Tears jumped into my eyes.
"Twenty points from Slytherin," he said in a whisper. "For acting like such an imbecile."
"Fine," I said, trying hard not to cry. "But all I did was ask a simple question."
I left the office in a huff, taking good care to slam the door when I left.
* * *
I walked towards my common room, tears threatening to spill over. I managed to hold it back for a while, but then they just came flooding out.
I sank to the floor, heaving and sobbing. Not for what just happened now, but for everything that happened until now; for my miserable life, for my unsuccessful love, and for my foolishness.
Someone handed me a handkerchief. I couldn't see their face, but I was grateful just the same.
I cried into the handkerchief. Whoever was there didn't leave my side. It was sort of comforting and embarrassing at the same time.
"Thanks," I said, holding out the handkerchief when I was done. I still couldn't see the person's face.
"You're welcome," came the reply in Hermione's voice.
I looked up and saw her. I was shocked. I couldn't talk. She hadn't spoken to me since the day after Christmas. I stood up.
"You" I said angrily, throwing the handkerchief in her face. "Are the cause of all my pain and sadness. I will get my revenge, starting tomorrow."
* * *
At breakfast the next day, I looked over at the Gryffindor table while the owls came flying in with the morning mail. I glanced slyly as I saw an owl drop a bright red envelope in Hermione's lap. She looked terrified as she slowly slit open the envelope. Then came my voice, about a thousand times louder than usual.
"HOW DARE YOU TOY WITH MY AFFECTIONS!" the howler screamed in my voice. Everybody looked around to see who was the unlucky one, and realized with shock that it was Hermione.
Those who recognized my voice were looking at me with their mouths open. Everybody else was looking at Hermione.
"WE COMPARED EACH OTHER TO ROMEO AND JULIET, REMEMBER? YOU, A GRYFFINDOR AND ME, A SLYTHERIN. TWO PEOPLE WHO WEREN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO LIKE EACH OTHER WERE IN LOVE." A hush fell over the room as everyone wanted to know about Hermione and her mysterious Slytherin lover.
"BUT HOW CAN YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO JULIET WHEN YOU DIDN'T DO WHAT SHE DID? DON'T YOU REMEMBER? IN THE STORY, JULIET PRETENDS TO BE DEAD SO SHE CAN BE FOREVER FAITHFUL TO ROMEO. I DON'T REMEMBER YOU DOING THAT. IN FACT, I REMEMBER YOU TWO-TIMING ME." I could see tears welling up in her eyes. Whether from embarrassment, anger or sadness, I couldn't tell.
"BUT AS ROMEO, I PLAYED MY PART TO THE TEE. ROMEO KILLS HIMSELF BECAUSE HE THINKS THAT JULIET IS DEAD. AND BY COINCIDENCE, AFTER YOU SAID THAT YOU WERE TWO-TIMING ME, I BECAME A SUICIDAL FREAK, THINKING THAT DEATH WAS THE ONLY WAY OUT OF THIS. AND NOW HERMIONE, I WILL SPILL THE BEANS ON YOU IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL. ARE YOU READY?" There was much loud hooting and hollering from the Slytherin table, and everybody perked up their ears to hear Hermione made a disgrace of in front of the whole school.
"LISTEN CLOSELY, EVERYBODY AS HERMIONE GRANGER IS GOING TO BECOME A DISGRACE. IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T GUESSED ALREADY, HER SLYTHERIN LOVER WAS DRACO MALFOY." This produced a lot of jeering and booing.
"THE PERSON SHE TWO-TIMED DRACO WITH WAS RON WEASLEY. MAYBE THIS WOULDN'T BE SO BAD EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT HERMIONE TOLD YOURS TRULY SHE BROKE UP WITH RON WHEN SHE NEVER DID. HERMIONE AND I WERE DATING SINCE THE BEGINNING OF DECEMBER. AND THEN, THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS, SHE BOTHERS TO TELL ME THAT I WAS TWO-TIMED ALL THIS TIME. I BECOME HEARTBROKEN AND TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE THREE TIMES."
Then the howler burst into flames as the whole school laughed, jeered, and booed. I felt particularly like my old haughty self again. I smirked as I saw Ron stand up with a look of pure fury on his face.
"Malfoy," Ron said gripping the table so hard I could see his knuckles turn white. "Why did you do that?"
"Well, Weasel," I said in my old drawl. "Hermione broke my heart very unfairly and I thought the school would like to know."
"But look at her!" Ron screamed, pointing to Hermione who had put her face in her hands and was sobbing. "Is that what a real man does?"
"One question; are you still going out with her, Weasel?"
"Yes."
"Yes? After she two-timed you with a Slytherin? Is that what a real man does?"
"You wanna fight, Malfoy? Let's fight; and determine who the real man is."
"Gladly."
We got up from our chairs and walked to the center of the Great Hall. I whipped out my wand but Ron just smiled at me.
"Ah, ah, ah, Malfoy" he said, shaking his finger. "Fistfight. That's how real men do it."
"If you say so," I put my wand away.
"Boys!" Professor McGonagall said, making us snap to attention. "I won't have another fight between you this year. You've already had two, and that's enough."
"Three's a magic number," I heard Ron say as he jumped on my back and pinned me down to the floor.
It was a cascade of punches and kicks that came flying out of nowhere until Harry came along.
"Break it up, break it up," he said as tried to force us apart.
"You keep out of this," I told him. "Or I'll stick a quill pen in your forehead again." That shut him up.
Ron jumped on my back again and resumed to punching me. I managed to put him in a head lock and punched his face.
"Stop it, stop it!" Dumbledore said, coming towards us. We didn't stop.
He pointed his wand at us. "Expelliarmus!" he shouted and we got blasted backwards and flew to opposite sides of the Great Hall.
As I got up, I saw that Ron had a scratched face. I could taste blood, and figured I had a cut lip.
"One hundred and fifty points each from your houses!" Dumbledore said sternly. "And a conversation with you and your parents in my office tomorrow after class."
Uh - oh, I thought. Something tells me that this is not going to be good.
* * *
The next day after classes, Dumbledore was waiting for Ron and me in the Entrance Hall. We followed him up to his office, where my parents and the Weasleys were sitting in chairs and I suddenly understood the phrase, "if looks could kill." I felt like I was stepping into a war zone.
"Now," said Dumbledore sitting himself behind his desk and not paying attention to the death stares between families. "I would like to inform you what happened."
"We know what happened, Dumbledore," Father said in a voice that made chills run up and down my spine.
"Lucius," Dumbledore said in a calm voice. "Do you know the background story?"
"No."
"Tell them, Draco."
"Yes, sir," I said meekly, knowing that after I finished my story I was as good as dead.
"I was in love with Hermione," I began. I could see Father tense up. "She told me she broke up with Ron. We started dating. Then, the day after Christmas she held a meeting with me and Ron and told us that she was two-timing us. I became a suicidal maniac and tried three times to kill myself. Yesterday I sent her a howler. It explained the whole story and made her a disgrace. Ron stuck up for her and we got into a fight."
"WHAT?!" Father yelled. I could tell that he was appalled at the idea of a Malfoy dating someone who wasn't a pureblood. "I don't believe you, Draco." He stood up.
Whoop - de - do, I thought. Here comes the parent lecture.
"You've disgraced the family name!" he continued. "That's just not what Malfoys do! They don't get in relationships with Mudbloods! I wouldn't have minded if you got in a relationship with a normal Gryffindor - "
"That's not true," I said, talking slowly and making sure that everybody who was listening got every word. "You know perfectly well if I dated Ginny you would be acting the same way." I could see everybody in the office tense up. I secretly smiled, knowing I had touched a nerve in both families.
"Don't you insult Ginny," Ron said.
"Like I would actually want to date her? I was using her as an example, Weasel." I snapped.
"Shut up."
"You first."
"Eat dung."
"Boys!" Dumbledore said. "Stop it."
"A Mudblood," Father moaned. "You dated a Mudblood. I'll be the laughing stock of the Ministry, and you'll be the cause of it. When you get home for Easter - "
"Lucius!" Mother snapped. That was rare, because she lets Father have the floor all the time.
"Not now, Narcissa," he snapped back.
"Lucius!"
"Not now, Narcissa" he repeated through clenched teeth.
"Lucius!"
"What, Narcissa?"
"Lucius, don't be so hard on him. He's heartbroken. Can't you see?"
"It doesn't matter, Narcissa. He was in a relationship with a Mudblood. That kind of behavior is not acceptable - "
"I don't think so, Lucius," Ron's father said. "I think it's about time someone in your family looked past the family background to see what kind of a person Hermione is."
"I agree," Dumbledore said. "The Malfoys have always been a little behind the times. I'm glad that one of them opened their eyes to the world and left behind prejudice."
Father just stood there with his mouth open. It was the first time that I could remember him without anything to say.
"Well, Lucius," Dumbledore said with a smile. "I hope you see that there's no harm in dating someone with a different background. This meeting is over."
"Fine," Father said as he pulled on his cloak. "But remember boy, Easter holiday. Come, Narcissa."
"Don't worry," Mother whispered to me as she followed Father out of the office. "I won't let him hurt you."
"Well, Draco," Ron's father held out his hand to me. "I'm glad that there's one Malfoy who makes sense." We shook hands, but I still had a grudge against them something vicious.
* * *
After the meeting, I went to the Slytherin dorms. I pulled out my homework and started working on it when I heard a tap at the window. I looked up, and saw an owl with a letter tied to it's leg. I opened the window and the owl flew in, landed on my arm and held out it's leg to me. I took the letter off it's leg and it sat on my bed, waiting for me to respond.
I closed the window and opened the letter. I recognized Hermione's handwriting. I opened it up. It said:
Dear Draco, I'm sorry about the two-timing. I was in love with you so badly. I knew that everyone else would think I was being ridiculous, so I used Ron as a cover. But then I realized that I was in love with him, too. Though not on the same level as you and me. I know I should have told you sooner, but I couldn't find the time because Ron was always breathing down my neck. I'm really, really sorry.
Hermione
After I read the letter, I didn't know how to reply. I wanted to tell her that it was fine, that I understood. But the truth was, I didn't. I took out my quill pen and loaded it up with ink. I was thinking of something halfway decent to say, but Father's words were burning into my thoughts.
"WHAT?!"
"He was in a relationship with a Mudblood. That kind of behavior is not acceptable - "
"But remember boy, Easter holiday - "
"I'll be the laughing stock of the Ministry and you'll be the cause of it - "
I put the tip of the pen to the paper and angrily scribbled out:
Forget it, Hermione. It's back to the old Draco now.
* * *
The next day, everything was different. I looked at the Gryffindor table during breakfast and I felt a strong desire to snap the necks of everyone sitting there, just like I used to. It was like falling in love with Hermione was just a dream, a really long dream and I had waken up from it. I actually was expecting Crabbe or Goyle to tell me that I had been saying weird stuff in my sleep last night. But of course they didn't, because it was all real.
After breakfast, I saw Hermione walking with her many books. She was a few feet away from me. I held out my foot and tripped her. I saw her books spill. Then I disappeared into the crowd, so she wouldn't notice me.
I chuckled to myself a little as I went to Potions. I was back to the old Draco everybody "knew and loved."
* * *
Outside the Potions classroom waiting for Snape, I was laughing with Crabbe and Goyle. Goyle had just told a witty joke about how many morons it takes to screw in a light bulb. I didn't really get what he meant, so I just laughed to be polite.
"Hey, Draco," I heard Hermione call.
I turned around and saw her standing near me.
"What do you want, Mudblood?" I snapped.
"I want to know why you don't love me anymore," she said in a hurt voice.
"Honestly, Hermione," I said with a sneer. "You're supposed to be the smartest girl in the year, yet you can't even answer a simple question like that?"
"Look," she reached for me. "I know it's all my fault - " her hand rested on my shoulder.
"Don't touch me, Mudblood!" I knocked her hand away.
"But Draco," her eyes filled with tears. "I love you."
"Yeah, Malfoy," said Harry, who started to circle around me like a panther circling it's prey.
"She loves you," said Ron, who joined Harry with the circling.
Even though Ron had a smirk on his face, I could see that his eyes were sad. I don't blame him. Everybody knows that you really have to love someone in order to say so in front of so many people. And she did say she loved someone, but it wasn't him.
"Come on, Malfoy," Harry said. "Kiss her."
"Why?" I asked. I knew this wasn't going to end well.
"Because she loves you," said Ron.
"But I don't love her."
"Yes you do," said Harry. "Now kiss her."
"No!"
"Yes," said Ron.
"I don't want to!"
They grabbed my robe and threw me into Hermione's arms. She stumbled as I fell on her.
"Now you're in your lover's arms, Malfoy," Ron said. "Kiss her."
"Draco," Hermione said quietly. "I know you don't love me anymore, but they'll never stop talking if you don't kiss me."
"They'll never stop talking if I do," I replied hopelessly. "There's no way out. I'll get taunted either way. Maybe hexed. I hate my life."