Hey peeps! I'm still tired, but the awesome reviews I got put me in the mood to write! *Roaring crowd sounds…like the Romans* So yeah, I'm really glad all of you like the story, because I was scared that people were just going to be like "Okay, that sucked. Why don't you go walk into oncoming traffic." I just realized that it is really really cold in my house…*pulls her sweatshirt closer* damnit…too lazy to turn up the heat…alright, enough bullshit, here's chapter 5!

Disclaimer: does anyone read this thing anyways? Oh yeah, Malon kind of goes nuts in this chapter. I don't know if I'm going to make her gay or what, but I needed some sort of a plot twister!

*Arden*

I think I pissed my pants as we plummeted off the side of the cliff. Well, almost. Link and I screamed the whole way down, but not really a scared scream, more like a "Yay I'm excited" kind of scream. We hit the water at the same time, and it was freezing. I surfaced, but I didn't see Link. What if he had hit his head on a rock or something? I started calling out his name. This game seemed all too familiar. I turned around and waded further downstream. I was about to panic until I felt those hands around my waist again. I sighed and turned around, giving him a hug.

"Thank you so much for making me do that! That was the best thing I think I've ever done!" he pushed me off of him. I felt like an idiot. He smiled.

"Yeah, mhm, so now will you start to trust me?" he said with that boyish smirk on his face. I nodded. "Good," he said. "Now come on!" he exclaimed as he grabbed my wrist and swam downstream. We eventually ended up in Lake Hylia, just like in the game. And sure enough, Epona was by the laboratory, waiting for us. We waded to shore and stood on the grass under the sun, trying to dry off. I was still cold, and Link apparently noticed.

"What?" I complained. I was shivering. Link looked down at my chest.

"Is it cold out here??" he asked, chuckling to himself. I blushed and crossed my arms over my chest. He rolled his eyes.

"Come on!" he ran towards Epona. I followed, and jumped on the back of him. "We're going to Lon Lon Ranch!" I smiled. Now there's a place I knew we weren't going to get into any trouble in. But maybe we were…what if Malon doesn't like me? Or if that Ingo guy went nuts or something? What about those chickens?!!

"Link, don't expect me to milk any cows, or step in horse poo, because I refuse to." Link laughed again.

"No, don't worry, you won't have to!" Soon enough, we reached that familiar entrance, and went inside the Ranch walls. We went past the two buildings, and got off Epona so she could roam free at her home again. Link and I walked into the barn, and I could hear a soft humming somewhere from within. "You-who!" Link cried. A short redhead popped up from behind a cow. Man, her hair was redder than mine!

"Fairy Boy!" she exclaimed. "I haven't seen you in a while!" She spoke in what I would call a southern accent, like she was from Texas or something.

"Hiya Malon," Link retorted, flashing the farm girl a smile.

"Who's this young lady?" she asked, turning to me. I looked older than her, for crimety's sake!

"Malon, this is my new friend Arden. Arden, this is my childhood friend Malon," Link said, nudging me towards her. I smiled.

"Nice to meet you," I said. It smelled in here.

"Pleasure's all mine," she said, beaming. I didn't like the way she looked at me. I felt uncomfortable, and I think Link sensed that as well. "Well, come on into the house! I'll get you guys a glass of our finest milk!"

"Oh, no, Malon, you don't have to do that!" Link exclaimed. But Malon was already out the door. "Isn't she sweet?" Link said, eyes alive. He quickly walked out after her.

"Heh, yeah, real sweet," I mumbled. I followed the two inside, and she pulled out two bottles of milk. Link drank it all in two gulps, and I sipped at it. Usually just drinking milk by itself makes me sick, but this stuff was really good.

"So hows by you, Link? You don't stop by here as often as you used to!" Malon squeaked.

"I've been doing alright. Things have slowed down a lot, but I got myself a new sidekick here," he said bumping my hip. I swayed, and forced a smile. We finished our milk and went back outside. There were scattered chickens all over the place, and I just couldn't help myself.

*Link*

Malon and I stood by the gates. Arden, that wild girl, went chasing after some poor chickens. Reminds me of my childhood.

"You've snagged a nice one this time!" Malon said, turning to me. We watched her race back and forth with the chickens.

"Snagged?" I asked. I had no idea what she was talking about. "This time? This is the first time I've ever had a sidekick!"

"So that's what they're calling them these days!" Malon cried. I blushed.

"No, Malon, she's just a friend. She was in trouble, and I've been helping her out."

"I'm sure she helps you out real good, too," she said. Malon had her eyes glued to Arden, who was now warming up to a baby colt. She was definitely cute with that horse.

"What are you talking about?"

"She's real pretty too," Malon continued. "Auburn hair, not quite as red as mine of course, and green eyes. I betcha she could bring you to your knees with those hips, too." What was the matter with her?

"Yeah, whatever," I mumbled. Arden had made her way back to chasing the chickens, this time, with her sword drawn.

"But, Link," Malon started, "I thought I was the only redhead in your life!"

"Malon, what in the heck are you talking about?!" I exclaimed.

"Nuthin," she retorted coyly. "So how is she in bed?" I almost choked.

"What the fuck are you saying?! I don't know! Listen, Malon, she's only a friend!"

"Sure she is!" she exclaimed. I was about to go mad. "Well, whenever you get up her shirt, or down her pants, whichever comes first, tell me the details, alright? Or…stop by when you're both in the mood. I'd love to see you two…"

"Malon, what is your problem?" I was tingling all over the place. Thank the goddesses for Arden's wacky-ness. She had poked the chickens one too many times, and was running back and forth in front of us, screaming, with mad poultry on her tail.

"Helllllppppppp!!!" Arden said, racing towards us. I whistled for Epona before ducking for cover in the barn with Malon and Arden. I slammed the door. We were all panting, and Arden and Malon were laughing. Sure, that stunt was amusing and charming, but I wasn't in the mood to laugh. Something had gotten into Malon, and I wasn't sure what. I didn't like it. Arden had stopped laughing when she saw my face.

"What's 'a matter, bro?" she asked, concerned.

"Yeah, Fairy Boy," Malon said slowly. "What's wrong?" She had a smug grin on her face.

"Nothing. Sorry, Malon, but we were just leaving," I said. I grabbed Arden's arm again, and yanked her towards the exit. She looked confused.

"Going? But we just got here!" she exclaimed. "Well, thanks Malon! Nice meeting you!" she cried. Malon shot us another peculiar look.

"Pleasure's all mine," Malon repeated, winking at us. We ran out, and I slammed the door.

"What's your problem, man?!" Arden shouted.

"Malon was the one with the problem," I replied, mounting Epona.

"What? Is she in trouble?" Arden asked. Good old Arden. Always looking out for the best of everyone.

"No, I don't know what's going on with her, but she wasn't herself today. Come on, let's get the hell outta here." Arden shrugged and mounted Epona. She held on to my waist as we started going again. Poor Arden, so innocent, so naive. This was only the first time I had to protect her from a woman. Sadly, it wouldn't be the last time I did.

Ooooh, there's a little bit of foreshadowing there! Hoped you liked that chapter…my appendages are cold. (lol!) *screams* Nigel's Wild Wild World is on! (Only Nigel can make predator Dogwelk snails and muscles look like a Jaws movie!) THE MUSCLE HAD A HEART ATTACK! SAVE ME! Well, that's what I get for staying up late to write for you guys. Alrighty. Thanks again for the wonderful (and sometimes wacky) reviews…coughcoughSetsunnacoughcough. ;o) Well, cya around! (Like a doughnut! Mmmm….doughnuts…)