Hey everyone! It's vacation for yours truly this week, so you know what that means! More time to write, which equals more chapters for your enjoyment!! Alright…here we go…chapter 14! Woohoo!

Disclaimer: I don't own nothin'.

*Arden*

That piece of shit left me here to rot.

"Move it faster, bitch, or we'll begin to cut off your extremities!" I quickened my pace a bit, but not much. The hallways were dark and damp, lit only by a few torches here or there on the walls. I couldn't believe that he took the horse over me. But, as I continued to think, I realized that I should just accept my fate instead of worrying about Link. The kid was obviously not worth it since he didn't give a shit about me. And I thought I loved him. Hah, love. Love sucks. Now, for the first time since I got to Hyrule, I wanted to go home. So bad. I wanted to be back in my room, with the comfort of my television and my bed and my couch and my Nintendo…wait. No. Scratch the last idea.

Note to self: When you get home, smash your Nintendo with a two by four.

"You're gunna love it here," the second guard said, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Too bad I won't be here for long," I said confidently. They all laughed at me.

"Who's gunna save you? Your pretty boy on the horse? Listen, hun, your night in shining armor chose a horse over you. A horse!"

"Do you have to fucking rub it in?!" I yelled, lunging at her. They restrained me, and laughed again.

"Ooh, didn't like that, huh? I already found her weak spot," the second guard teased. "The boy!" Link? Fuck no. Not even close. Not anymore. Never, ever again will I fall in love. EVER.

"Heh, men," the first one scoffed.

"They're good for nothing," the first one added.

"And they're gross," another guard piped in. Gross? Guys may be jerks, but they're not gross! Well, they can be, but not to look at and stuff…

"Women are so much better looking, don't you think so?" the second one asked me. What the fuck was this?

"Hell no!" I retorted. We turned the corner, and there were two guards pressed up against the wall, sucking face. I almost vomited.

"Hey, hey now, back to your posts, ladies," the first one said, chuckling a bit. What type of place is this? A friggin' lesbian colony?! That's what it is! All women! All lesbians!

"What's 'a matter? Can't stand that stuff?" the second guard said, laughing at me again. Well, I totally respect gays, but this was ridiculous.

"Are you all…?" I asked, looking around at all the guards. They started laughing again.

"Well, just about," the third one said, smiling.

"Why?" I asked, completely dumbfounded.

"We're a race of women, sweekcheeks," the first one said, laughing.

"But…can't you go out and get boyfriends or anything?" I continued.

"No. The Queen wouldn't have it," the second one said.

"That's retarded," I said. "You guys should just quit." They laughed at me again.

"Honey, you can't quit being a Gerudo!" the first one said.

"So you instead choose to be gay. Okay, fine, just stay away from me." They laughed again.

"Well, we gotta pleasure ourselves somehow!" the third one said gleefully, giggling with the rest of them. I couldn't believe I was hearing this. I just tuned it out as best I could.

We turned another corner, and went through a huge set of double doors. There was a red carpet leading from the door all the way up to a platform type thing where a single woman sat on a throne. We walked up to her, and everyone around me bowed. I didn't. No way in hell would I ever bow to that.

"You've brought one of the intruders," she said, approvingly. I noticed that she had the same golden eyes as everyone else, but she had jet-black hair instead of red hair. It looked fake. She had on a golden suit, much more delicate looking than everyone else's. I knew I wasn't going to like this lady.

"Yes, the other one, um, had a choice to make," the first guard said. Snickers followed this comment.

"So we have her instead of the horse?" the Queen questioned. They all nodded. "Seems like a great trade to me."

"Can I go home now?" I whined. I was getting antsy. They all laughed again. "This place fuckin sucks," I said.

"She's a bit feisty, isn't she?" the Queen said, laughing some more.

"A little bit too feisty, if you ask me," the second one said. I growled at her.

"Nobody asked you," the Queen said. I snickered at her. "No matter, she'll make an excellent slave for me. I do say, though, you girls love those redheaded Hylians," she said, grinning evily. "First, that farm girl, and now her?" The guards smiled back at their queen. Malon? Did they hurt Malon?

"You better not have touched Malon, or I'll--"

"Or you'll what? Cough on us?" the Queen said, laughing with the rest of the bitches. "Don't worry. I can assure you, Malon enjoyed her stay here, right after the brainwashing, of course." Oh, man, wait till I tell Link about this one. He's gunna hit the roof—wait a minute. I'm never going to see Link again. Damn my stupid hopes!

"I'm not a Hylian!" I shouted over their laughter.

"Sure you're not," the Queen said sarcastically.

"I'm not!" I cried. "Look at my ears!" The Queen got off of her fat ass and walked in front of me. She was a bit shorter than me, and had garlic breath. I felt like I was gunna hurl all over her. I kinda wished I did.

"Prove it," she said, crossing her arms.

"Look at my ears," I said. She lifted my hair off my neck, then dropped it down in a huff.

"Well, whatever you are," she said, placing her hand on my cheek, "you're certainly beautiful." I turned my head away from her with a jerk. This was disgusting. I wanted out. Now.

"Don't friggin touch me!" I barked. She didn't move.

"Yes, well, guards, I want you to take her away and get her dressed properly. We can't have her running around here with a sword now, can we? No. Now, off we go!" she said cheerily, sickeningly. "And make sure she gets the red outfit now," the Queen called as we exited the room. Stupid bitch.

*Link*

I raced out of there as fast as I could. I felt so bad for leaving Arden there, but I knew she was strong enough to survive a day without me in the fortress. I hope she's not going to be too mad at me for leaving her there alone, but I had my reasons. First off, Epona is much harder to sneak out of there, because she's a big dumb horse. Secondly, it would be easier to sneak Arden out of there because she's so much smaller and she understands English. Well, I do hope she's alright, and if my memory serves me correctly, the Gerudos lock their prisoners up instead of killing them. It's not really a nice thought, but it's more comforting than knowing she could be killed.

Epona and I raced to Lon Lon Ranch, the only place I knew Epona would be safe. We flew through the entrance and I jumped off Epona as she raced into the corral. As I ran back towards the entrance, I realized how tired I was. I knew that I should press on and rescue Arden, but I was so tired I could hardly stand. There was a soft glow coming from inside Malon's house, and I told myself that I would just stay for a minute and rest my eyes. Yes, just rest my eyes for a minute.

"Malon!" I called, pounding on the door. "Malon!" I heard a shuffling noise, then the door opened. Malon was barely dressed, and I got scared, but then I remembered that it was in the middle of the night and that I probably had woken her up.

"Link? Link, what are you doing here?" she asked, kind of sleepily.

"I…uh…Arden's in trouble, and…" Wow, I never noticed how good looking Malon was before. Her long red tresses cascaded down over her shoulders, and her blue eyes sparkled up into mine. Her white gown was tight and a bit see-through, and I couldn't help but look at her. No! I must remember why I'm here! Arden! Oh yeah, Arden kinda looks like Malon, except Malon is wearing less clothes now…

"Link?"

"Hmm?"

"Link, you wanna come inside?" I nodded, and stumbled in. It was warm and inviting in there, and I sat down on a chair. "Link, buddy, you look tired. What's 'a matter?" I dunno, nothing's wrong…

"I…uh…" I was tired, so tired.

"Link, where's your friend? Arden, was that her name?" Arden! Damnit, Link, you bastard, you have to keep thinking about Arden!"

"Arden! Arden's in trouble! I have to save her!" I exclaimed, jumping up. Malon sait me down again. Her chest was right in front of my face. I think I started drooling.

"Not like that, you aren't," she said, commandingly. "You're going to stay here and rest a bit until you can keep your eyes open again. Is that understood?" Uh-huh, whatever you say, Malon…

"Yep." I think the rest of the night I slept with Malon in her bed, but we didn't do anything, cause I'd remember if we did. And she gave me some Lon Lon milk and I felt better after that, but I was so exhausted I couldn't remember anything. I remember falling asleep with Malon pressed up against me. I remember that cause it felt good. But I don't remember much else of that night.

*hiss* Link is a bad, bad boy! Yes, yes I know. See, I told you the Malon/weirdo thing would come back into the story! (See chapter 5.) Well, I'm off, catch y'all on the flip side!