Notes: We still own nothing! No Fushigi Yuugi for us!
TA: Whee!! TA's turn TA's turn! *bounces around like Ed from Cowboy Bebop* Ehehe, as we said, we don't own nuthin except our own characters who should be BACK in the next chapter. Yay.
So, when there wasn't trouble (ahem--Nakago!) in the world, Taiitsukun often ended up as she was now. Bored. Big time. She needed some entertainment. Taiitsukun frowned. Nyan-Nyan had just offered to fix her face for the hundredth time, Joe Schmoe was off on guard duty, and there was nothing whatsoever to watch on TV. Oh, yes, Taiitsukun was fond of TV. Unfortunately, the television she had swiped from Miaka's world was now only showing reruns of "The Youthful And The Sleepless". After all, it was tough to get the new ones into the book. That took a lot of effort on Taiitsukun's part. Plus, she was a little worried that someone would catch on, and she'd get sued for pirating television shows from another world. TV stations could be sooooo litigious.
"Hmm...now, what could I do for fun around here? Since Joey Schmoey's off pouting and all... there's got to be something..."
Her mind wandered around, searching for anything that would do. She was never fond of any other soaps, but she really didn't want to watch Tony and Blaire get into another argument for the third time.
The wrinkled woman sighed, thinking of the times when she actually had things to do. Such as stalk Joe. As she remembered one certain time, an idea floated into her head. "Perfect! I am such an omniscient goddess," Taiitsukun told herself. That would be amusing...so very amusing! And then, Joey Schmoey will be happy, too. He's been bugging me about that tessen non-stop. Of course, I could always bring it back myself. But that wouldn't be half as entertaining. Taiitsukun smiled and cackled to herself.
"After all, I'm sure that he'll be wanting it back by now..." She cackled to herself. With a wave of her hand, the air around the aged goddess shimmered, and three figures began to materialize. Taiitsukun chuckled to herself, as she allowed the three figures to drop to the floor. "I'm having fun already."
"Fuck!" Tasuki's voice echoed around the palace of Taikyoku as his butt met the ground harder than he had expected.
Thunk! Thunk! Naturally, Nuriko and Chichiri landed right on top of him. "Ooof!" he cried, as the air was forced out of him. And Chichiri's staff landed in a most unfortunate place...
"Gomen, no da," Chichiri said apologetically.
"Shiiiit!! Chichiriiiiii!!! Yer squishin' the family jewels!!" Tasuki shrieked, rather high pitched.
Nuriko sniggered. Tasuki's curse got louder and strangely higher pitched. Nuriko chuckled. "What's with you, Tasuki? I've never heard you sing soprano before."
"CHICHIRI MOVE YOUR GODS FORSAKEN STAFF!!!!! I HAPPEN TO LIKE LITTLE TASUKI THE WAY IT IS!!"
"Eeep! Gomen, no da!" Chichiri immediately lifted his staff off of Tasuki, and proceeded to accidentally bonk Nuriko in the head with it. Well, they were all in one small pile, you know. No safe place for a staff.
Nuriko quickly made the poor monk, and Tasuki, into wall angels. Taiitsukun was laughing harder than any "I Love Lucy" episode ever had made her laugh before.
Taiitsukun, due to her hearty laughs, was enjoying this immensely already. "Well, boys, I just needed a little entertainment. That's all."
Nuriko rose and rubbed his head. "So, why did you summon us here, Taiitsukun?" he asked.
Taiitsukun managed to maintain enough dignity to stand, still chuckling, as Chichiri tugged his staff out of the wall and Tasuki shot glares at everyone around the room. "Well, Nuriko..." Taiitsukun began, "You may know already about Tasuki's...unfortunate circumstances regarding the tessen."
"Unfort--?" Nuriko began.
"NOOOOOO!!!" Tasuki cried. "Taiitsukun, onegai. If he finds out, I'll be wall meat for the rest of my life!"
Nuriko's eyes lit up at this comment. "Oh DO tell Taiitsukun! Please!"
"Of course. I'd be happy to," Taiitsukun said. You could see the amusement gleaming in her eyes, but she made her expression turn serious once again. "You see, I'm afraid that Tasuki has lost his--"
"I've lost my--er--strap. Yeah, the strap for my tessen," Tasuki said, laughing nervously and sweatdropping. "That's what she was going to say." Suddenly, something occurred to Tasuki. Taiitsukun can't be exactly proud of her obsession with Joe Schmoe. Maybe I can get her to keep her mouth shut if I threaten to tell the others about him... "Because, you know, certain people here wouldn't like it if I told the full and completely unedited version of how the "strap" went missing," Tasuki said, shooting a meaningful look over at Taiitsukun.
Taiitsukun's face reddened a shade. "Why you little scamp! Do you ever want to see your "strap" again? Because you'll keep your fanged mouth shut if you do."
Tasuki gulped. "I'm gonna see my "strap" again? I thought it was gone for good..."
Meanwhile, Chichiri looked puzzled. "Er...why are you so worried about your strap, no da?"
Nuriko paused, thinking about all this. "Wait just a minute..." His grin widened. "Tasuki, even if you DID lose the strap, you'd still carry your tessen around with you, right?" Nuriko's face held a victorious grin.
Tasuki froze. For a minute, he wasn't sure how to respond to that. "Er...well, I didn't want to lose it. So, I just kinda left it at the palace." Tasuki said a little prayer to Suzaku. Please, please, please don't let Nuriko catch on. Please.
Nuriko sweatdropped. "We were just AT the palace you dolt."
"That's true no da...you didn't have your tessen at breakfast, and you usually make a point to flame Tamahome no da."
"Ahem. I mean, I left it in my room. I figured Tamahome had enough problems--showin' up in Miaka's lipstick like he did." Tasuki couldn't help but grin at the memory of that.
"But that means you knew Tamahome would show up with Miaka's lipstick no da."
That wiped the grin off Tasuki's face quickly.
Better to admit to that, than to let Nuriko catch on... "Well, I mighta had somethin' ta do with that..." Tasuki looked sheepish.
"You've played tricks on Tamahome before and that didn't stop you from burning him." Nuriko crossed his arms stubbornly. Something told him Tasuki was trying to worm his way out of something.
Taiitsukun sat watching the whole conversation, cackling to herself ever so often. She even had a Nyan-Nyan fetch her a lemonade. Watching Tasuki get pinned down was thirsty work.
Chichiri hesitated. "Taiitsukun, did you steal Tasuki's tessen no da?" Tasuki paled.
"I wouldn't call it stealing, if I were you, Chichiri," Taiitsukun said, looking slightly cranky. "I simply moved it from one place to another."
Nuriko beamed at this new knowledge. "Oooh Tasukiiii!!"
"SHIT!!"
Chichiri sweatdropped as Taiitsukun began another fit of laughter while Nuriko chased after him with a random Nyan-Nyan as a beating stick.
"So, what happened to the tessen, no da?" Chichiri asked loudly, trying to divert Nuriko's attention from hitting Tasuki for a moment. After all, Tasuki was hiding behind Chichiri at the moment, and the monk had no desire to take a Nyan-Nyan to the head.
Unfortunately it didn't work. "ITAI NO DA!" Nuriko found the staff whacking him across the face for the second time, and again Chichiri became a wall angel.
"Ahem...Much though I enjoy watching you beat the living daylights out of Tasuki, Nuriko, for the sake of my palace, I think I'm going to have to ask you to refrain from further wall damage while I explain what I'm going to do with you three," Taiitsukun said, rubbing her hands together eagerly.
Nuriko put on his most innocent face and nodded. Then the innocent smile turned to a frown "going to do with us?"
"Oh hell I thought you had Joe Schmoe for that you sick old woman!!" Tasuki obviously had the WRONG idea...
"Joe...Schmoe...no da?" Chichiri blinked. "The palace guard? Does he run errands for you or something, Taiitsukun?"
Taiitsukun beamed at Chichiri. Thank you for giving me a way out! "Why, yes, he does. Isn't that right, Tasuki?" Taiitsukun growled.
Tasuki, who's hands were over his mouth tightly, only nodded.
"Why would a palace guard run errands for you when you've got Nyan-Nyan and Chichiri?" Nuriko blinked innocently. Then Nuriko thought about the matter a bit more, recalling the looks that passed between Taiitsukun and Tasuki. Still, he was not stupid enough to comment on the Joe Schmoe issue. If Taiitsukun wants to have a boy toy, I guess she can... I guess she can do whatever she wants... I'd say something, but it's not worth the risk of pissing her off...
"Anyway no da..." Chichiri decided to break the tension building quickly. "What did you bring us here for Taiitsukun no da?"
"You see, as I was trying to say earlier, the tessen has been moved. Across dimensions, as it happens to be. So, someone needs to retrieve it. Clearly, we can't leave Tasuki defenseless for too long..." Taiitsukun smirked.
"What...dimension would this be?" Nuriko asked, curious.
"Oh, you know, the one that Miaka is from. Of course, her world is pretty big. I don't think that the tessen ended up in Japan...no, that's right. I sent it to the USA. I guess I was just thinking about my Y&S or something." Taiitsukun laughed at the inside joke.
"Y&S no da?"
"You watch soap operas?! Aw HELL!! No wonder you-" Tasuki's hand slammed over his mouth before he let another Joe Schmoe line go.
Nuriko raised an eyebrow. "Just how did you know that Y&S was a soap opera anyway, Tasuki?"
"You have no idea how many times Miaka was crying because of some damn couple breakin' up."
Nuriko still didn't look satisfied.
"Tamahome told me."
Taiitsukun's eyes widened. "Wait! Which couple broke up?! Hurry and tell me! This could be important!"
"How the hell should I know?!"
Nuriko jabbed him.
"Tony 'n' Blair."
Chichiri couldn't help but laugh. "Tasuki watches soap operas no da!!"
Taiitsukun glared at the monk. "Is there something amusing about someone who watches soap operas, Chichiri?"
"Nope no da! Just Tasuki no da!"
Nuriko too realized the humor of the situation and joined Chichiri in laughter. Meanwhile, Tasuki was getting pissed off. He turned bright red and made a rather ill-advised lunge at Nuriko. Nuriko forgot Taiitsukun's threat and made a wall angel right next to Chichiri's second one.
"All right, Nuriko. You leave me no choice." Taiitsukun quickly summoned several Nyan-Nyans, who grabbed onto Nuriko's arms and legs. "This should keep you still until I get you out of my hair. Really, Nuriko, you have no respect for other people's things."
Nuriko groaned. "Just PLEASE tell us why we're here!"
"I thought I told you that." Taiitsukun huffed. "You've all going to Miaka's world to retrieve the tessen."
"DAAA?!" Chichiri shrieked. Everyone all too well remembered his LAST trip to Miaka's world, when fangirls had near choked him to death. That was after the time the Yaoi fangirls got their hands on Chichiri and Tasuki. And as for Nuriko's previous trip...
Taiitsukun turned and shot a glare towards the monk. "And I don't want to hear any arguments from any of you, either...
Chichiri was too busy hugging his knees in SD form to argue. Nuriko was beaming, remembering how he had been "forced" to make out with Hotohori his last visit.
"We're gonna get my tessen back? Then I can have my revenge on Tamahome..." Tasuki had already decided that the lipstick incident was insufficient punishment for Tamahome. "Let's go!" Tasuki smiled fangfully at the thought. "Arigato, Taiitsukun!" For once, Tasuki was actually remembering his manners.
"Why can't he go ALONE no da?!?!" Chichiri was obviously in pain at the thought of American fangirls.
"Well, you must come to open the portal to and from that world, Chichiri," Taiitsukun said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "And Nuriko is there to keep Tasuki in line."
"Don't you have anything that repels fangirls no da?!"
"I'm sure that Tasuki does," Taiitsukun said, laughing heartily at her joke. "No, seriously, in America, you should just avoid anime conventions and the like. Other than there, people won't know who you are. It isn't like Japan."
That didn't help much. "Can you open a portal Taiitsukun?" Nuriko asked.
"Who do you think you're talking to. Of course I can." And so, with the wave of her hand, a portal to the other world opened up before the three seishi. "This should put you in close proximity to the tessen. I'll give this to you, Chichiri." Taiitsukun handed a wad of $100s to the monk. "It's all about the Benjamins, you know."
Chichiri was still trembling in fear. Nuriko rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, you wimpy monk. You know you've gonna lose your monkness some day. Ya wanna be a virgin forever?" Nuriko chuckled, lifted the now terrified SD monk over his shoulder and took the money.
"Let's get outta here!" With those words, Tasuki leapt into the portal. Nuriko soon followed, complete with Chichiri as a shoulder wrap.
Taiitsukun cackled to herself and sat down on her poofy sofa. She turned on the TV and set it to follow the movements of the three seishi. Hey, she was powerful, 'n' stuff, so she could do things like that. She also remembered to pop a blank video into a nearby conjured up VCR. Hey, she could sell something like this on E-bay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Will Tasuki ever get his tessen from the clutches of the hentai teacher?!
Will Chichiri be forced into an empty classroom by yaoi fangirls?!
(TA: They do they die….)
What will happen when America and Fushigi Yuugi collide?!
WHY CAN'T NURIKO THINK OF ANY GOOD QUESTIONS?!?
(Nuriko: Aw, lay off…I'm trying)
Will you be good lil people and go to Battle of the Seishi on Huffpuff's account and vote for Tasuki n Kouji?!
(TA: There you go…)
(Nuriko: *bows*)