What We Let Pass By
Ch. 1
Thrown Back Together
Squall strolled into my office I was reading the paper when I saw him come in. I put the paper down feeling a little ashamed. There was an awkward moment of silence between us. Sensing the awkwardness I made an effort to break it.
"Hard to believe isn't it?"
"No, it isn't," Squall said flatly sitting down in one of my chairs. He then asked me. "Is that why you called me down here?'
"Along those grounds," I told him. He slid further into his chair looking like this was the last place he wanted to be and that I was the last person he wanted to talk to on the subject that I was about to branch out on. "Haven't you even tried contacting any of your friends?" I asked concerned.
"Friends?" He knew damn well what I was talking about.
"Yeah you know those people you saved the world with. The people who you loved and cared for," He through his eyes at my remarks. "Squall!" I yelled "Don't pretend you didn't love or care for them and that you don't love and care for them still." He sat there silent.
"They haven't contacted me," He snarled at me after the moment of silence.
"Now maybe they don't, but before they did and you know it. You just probably never responded." He knew the statement was true.
"That was my choice to make," he told me. I look straight at Squall softening my voice.
"Son," I saw his eyes turn away at me. I knew he hated it when I addressed him like that, but that's what he was my son. For 17 years I wasn't his father, but now. I stopped thinking and continued to talk. "I'm worried. You're not happy and even though you've been a damn good soldier for Esthar I know it's not what you really want."
"What do I want?" He asked mockingly. I hold up the paper Rinoa and Seifer's picture was under the headline "The Wedding of Dreams," I point to Rinoa "her."
He looks away from the picture and said "that train pass me by along time ago."
"What happened Squall? You guys seamed to really care for each other. I know she had to take care of some things in Galbadia, but why did you stop it there?"
"That's none of your business!" he snapped at me and goes to leave. "Squall," I called to him stopping him at the doorway. "You've been assigned to assists the SeeDs in Balamb."
"What?" he asked dully not believing what I had just said?
"As President of Esthar I've ordered you to Balamb. Your train leaves early tomorrow morning. I've contacted Quistis she will pick you up at the station in Balamb."
He stood there not knowing how to react. "You're dismissed," I told him returning to my paper.
"Whatever," he said leaving my office and slamming the door behind him.
* * * * *
Zell and I waited impatiently for the train from Esthar to arrive. It had been almost three years since we last heard from Squall. When Rinoa left Squall just kind of hit rock bottom. He just sort of sat in bed all day. If it wasn't for Squalls depression he would have been promoted to general instead of me. A little after Rinoas departure Squall left, for what I thought, to go see Rinoa. I guess he never did. Last I heard he went to Esthar where he became a soldier there. It hurt when Squall left, but I knew for him to be with his new discovered father would probably be best for him. However, I never imagined Squall running to president Laguna. When president Laguna called me a few days ago I was incredible happy to hear him ask if Squall could come back to help out the SeeD. I didn't hesitate with saying yes and neither did headmaster Cid. As Zell and I stood there waiting I couldn't help but to feel excited about Squall coming back, and the possibilities that it could lead to.
"Do you think Squall coming back has anything to do with Rinoa and Seifer getting married?" Zell asked interrupting my thoughts.
"Maybe," I said recalling my conversation with president Laguna. "President Laguna made it sound like it was more his decision then Squalls," I told Zell.
"Well who cares why he's coming. I just can't wait to see the man!" Zell said to me enthusiastically.
"Me too," I said as the train from Esthar pulled in.
* * * * *
"Laguna that son of a bitch," I said to myself as the train was approaching Balamb. I left Balamb 3 years ago for a reason I also never came back for that same reason. I laid my head against the window and watched the scenery pass me by. My mind went back to the last time I was on a train, or second to last time. My last time on a train was from Galbadia to Esthar. It was almost three years ago. I was on my way to see Rinoa.
"How long do you think you'll be gone?" Quistis asked.
"Not sure," I told her I really wasn't.
"Have a safe trip man. Take care of what you have to take care of and then come home," Zell never seemed to loose his enthusiasm.
"Will do Zell," and extending my hand for a handshake. He moves past my hand and gives me a big hug. I stiffly pat him on the shoulder. "Thanks Zell," Zell pulls away. I look over at Quistis she gave me a rare smile.
"Bring her back Squall," I nod and step onto the train.
It had been three weeks since Rinoa had gone to Galbadia. I was completely miserable those three weeks with only the picture of Rinoa in my mind to keep me sane.
The whole train ride I was nervous from head to toe. I wasn't sure exactly how Rinoa was going to react to me showing up at her doorstep, but I was to the point where I didn't care. I needed to see her smile. I needed to hear her call my name. I picked up the paper Rinoa's picture was on the front page her hands covering her face. The headline read "A Sorceress or a joke?" I crumble the paper. "Those spineless basterds," I thought out loud.
The train stopped in Galbadia getting off the train I didn't know where to go. There was the sorceress palace, but that wasn't exactly a place where you could just walk in. I needed to get permission and it was General Calaway who came to mind. If I was going to be able to get permission it was going to come from him. I took the trolley to Calaway's mansion fortunately the guards' remembered me and I was allowed right in. Knocking on the general's door his butler came to answer. Standing up straight I ask the butler.
"May I please see General Calaway?"
"This way sir," the butler leads me to the general's office and knocks on the door.
"Come in," came a voice from inside. I walk in looking up from his desk General Calaway looks peculiarly up at me. I don't know who he was expecting but it sure wasn't me. He erases the surprise from his face. "What can I do for you.? Squall isn't it?"
"Sir I have come to ask for permission to go to the sorceress' palace."
"What for?" he asked perfectly knowing my reason, but I answered anyway.
"To see Rinoa," he takes a good look at me.
"You sure you want to do that?" he looks me directly in the eyes.
"Mad Shiva's couldn't keep me away," I said standing up as straight and proud as I could. "Why do you want to see her?"
"With respect sir that's between me and Rinoa," he looks at me hard for the last time sizing up the situation at hand. Finally reaches for a piece of paper and signs it.
"I hope you know what you're setting yourself up for. I wouldn't have given you permission, but from the look in your eyes I don't think there isn't anyway to stop you. I mind as well make it easier on everybody." He hands me the piece of paper. Saluting him I walk out the door.
I arrived at the sorceress' palace my entire body shaking. Talking to General Calaway made me really self- conscious. What was he talking about? Did Rinoa say something to him that would- I pushed my thoughts away. Ignoring all my thoughts in my brain and only following my heart I went up to the soldier guarding the entrance and handed him the piece of paper that the general gave me. He read it over giving it back to me he let me in. I had only taken a few steps when another soldier steps in front of me. Giving this soldier the piece of paper to he reads it. Once finished he asked.
"What is your business here?"
"I want to see Rinoa," I told the soldier.
"The sorceress is in the middle of a meeting. You can wait till there finished." I nodded and let the soldier lead me to the waiting room right outside Rinoa's office. With the soldier standing there watching over me I stood there. I could hardly believe that Rinoa was only a wall away from me.
The wait wasn't long before the door opened and I caught a glimpse of Rinoa's baby blue shirt. I turned my attention to the man who just walked out from Rinoa's office. My jaw dropped at the sight of Seifer Almansy. Seifer looked at me without a sign of shock. I walked up to Seifer.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I said through gritted teeth.
"I'm the general of the Galbadia SeeD's I have business with the sorceress all the time. What should be asked is what are you doing here?" Seifer hadn't lost a drop of his arrogance. I look from him to the door.
"I came to see Rinoa." It didn't come out as confidently as I had hoped.
"You want to see Rinoa,' Seifer chuckles. "That's fine but what makes you think she wants to see you?" My fist clench and I move my hand closer to my gunblade. "You let her go Squall. You lost and now," he lowers his voice so I was the only one to hear. "She's mine." I glare at Seifer hatred was becoming an overwhelming sensation. The soldier noticing a fight about to breakout says to me.
"Your next sir," I stood there.
"Yeah Squall your next," Seifer snarls. I look at the door so close to Rinoa, but yet so far. I once again turn my back on Rinoa and leave.
Not being with Rinoa was painful, but the thought of Rinoa with Seifer together was unbearable and so was the idea of going back to Balamb. The way I saw it there was nothing there for me anymore. I decided to go to Esthar where Laguna without hesitation would take me under his wing.
Esthar is where I've been for the last three years. I tried hard to loose touch with everyone. I only wrote once to Quistis and Zell telling them of my whereabouts. Quistis and Zell along with Irvine and Selphie have sent me many letters since then, but none have I responded to. As time went by it was easier to let them all go along with it. It made it easier not to think of Rinoa.
The train screeched to a stop when it arrived in Balamb I looked out the window and saw Quistis and Zell waiting. It all came rushing back to me. Stepping off the train I smelt the Balamb air. My heart filled with a familiar ness. it was a good feeling.
Quistis and Zell walked up to me there was a moment of silence among us. The silence was a symbol for the time that was lost between us. Like the lost time the silence was ended by Zell.
"Give me a hug man!" and before I could do anything Zell had wrapped me in a hug. I pulled away fast, but to myself I admitted that I was grateful for Zell's warm outburst.
"Come on Squall," Quistis says "We'll take you to your dormitory."
Walking through the garden was like a home coming. I think I was in denial on how much I missed the Garden, because once I stepped inside the building I felt like I had finally made it home. The dormitory that they took me to was just like the one I had three years ago.
"I get my own dormitory?" I asked them when we stepped into the room.
"It was headmaster Cid's idea," the headmaster that was someone that I hadn't thought of in awhile.
"Tell him thank you."
"You can tell him yourself tonight at dinner," Zell tells me I stood there silent. All this was coming back into my all at once and I didn't know if I was ready for it.
"We'll let you settle and gain a sense of all that's happening. We'll pick you up tonight for dinner." Quistis tells me I nod in response and quietly say.
"Thanks Quistis," she gave me a smile.
"It's good to have you back Squall," she tells me as her and Zell leave the room. I took a look at the room that they left me in.
"It's good to be back," I said to myself and laid on the bed thinking until Quistis and Zell returned.
When Quistis and Zell came to get me I had the pillow over my face. I can't really describe it, but I felt safe like nobody can find me when my face was covered by the pillow. Zell whips the pillow from my face.
"I have a nice sleep?" Zell asked
"Didn't sleep," I told him getting off the bed and joining them at the door.
"What did ya do then?" He continued to push
"Just thought about things," knowing not to ask what I was thinking about Zell backed off.
"Come on guys the headmaster and Edea are waiting," Quistis always spoke up at the right moments. You could always count on her for that. I thought back to all the times that Quistis broke up fights between Seifer and me. I cringed at the name.
Quistis and Zell lead me down to the cafeteria where a smiling headmaster Cid and Edea where waiting. Seeing their faces brought a slight ease to my stomach which has been churning for years. These where the people who I respected most in the world I shake the headmaster's hand.
"Squall no need for formalities," giving me a big hug followed by Edea doing the same. I gave them a polite nod as we sat down at the table. The noise in the cafeteria had not changed it was filled with the same senseless chatter.
"I'm not accustomed to the cafeteria surroundings. I feel a bit silly," Cid joked looking around the cafeteria at all the young SeeDs and students.
"Now dear," Edea chirped in, "what else do you expect?"
"Nothing else my dear, nothing else," Cid said smiling then turning to Zell and Quistis. "What good to eat here?'
"The hotdogs, sir!" Zell burst without hesitation.
"Well then in honor of Squalls return," Cid gets up and goes up to the cafeteria counter. He comes back with a tray of full of hotdogs stacked at least a foot high.
"Alright headmaster!" Zell said adamantly grabbing a hotdog. I watched the headmaster chuckle then joined in with everyone in grabbing a hotdog from off the tray. Taking a bite I forgot how much I loved those things.
As we where eating Edea asked "So how's Esthar been Squall?"
"Fine," I told her not wanting to get into it.
"Well we appreciate your help along with your company Squall." The headmaster tells me.
"Thank you sir," I said honestly appreciating the kind words.
"If there's any questions don't hesitate," I nod at the headmaster's invitation.
Having enjoyed my dinner with everyone I went back to my dormitory with a full stomach, but more importantly a heart that was starting to feel again. With all that was happening I couldn't help but to wonder, as I was falling asleep, if I was setting myself up for another big fall.
The next morning came with the heat of the morning sun beaming down on me. It felt as if I never missed a morning waking up here. I went down to the cafeteria where I found Quistis and Zell already having breakfast.
"Sleep well?" Quistis asked with a sleepy yawn.
"Surprisingly very well," I told Quistis sitting down in a chair next to her.
"Guess who's coming in man!" Zell burst out not able to keep it in any longer, but before I got a chance to guess a woman SeeD comes up to me asking nervously.
"Are you really Squall Lionheart?" I nodded. The woman loses some of her nervousness. "Oh my god I didn't believe it!" She points over to a group of giggling girls. "They all said you where. I didn't believe them, but here you are. You're a lot cuter then I heard." Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Quistis and Zell smile at each other. The woman continues to talk with her eyes looking down on the ground. She pivots her foot around when she asked.
"So do you and sorceress Rinoa still talk?" I look away not answering her question. Quistis and Zell look daggers at the woman who walks off. "I'm sorry it was just a question," the woman says going back to her table.
Nobody said anything I sat there remembering that this is why I didn't want to come back. I didn't want to deal with people like that woman people always remembering me for once being with the "sorceress." "But I'm not with the sorceress!" I shouted inside my head. "Seifer is!"
Zell wanting to break the silence asked me the question that he was asking before the woman interrupted us, only this time with less enthusiasm. "So can you guess whose coming?" I shrug my shoulders "Irvine and Selphie. They'll be here tomorrow."
"Great," I said not lifting the tone in my voice. I get up from the table. "I'm going to go back to my dormitory."
"But Squall," Quistis protested "You didn't even have any breakfast."
"I'm still full from the hotdogs," I told her and started my way back to my dorm. Thankfully Quistis and Zell left me alone. Even with three years between us they still knew that I needed time to think. I thought about a lot of things with my time alone in the dorm. I thought about my time back in Balamb thus far, I thought about headmaster Cid and Edea, I thought about Quistis and Zell and seeing Irvine and Selphie tomorrow, but what I thought most about was Rinoa. Over the years I had gotten better about not thinking about her, but it was completely impossible to completely stop. What I found myself thinking about the most was what would have happen if I would have done things differently. I hated "What ifs," but that's all I had left of Rinoa was the "What ifs" so against my will I cling to them.
It got later and I decided to go for a walk. I made a quick stop into the library and Quad just to see, but I really only had one real destination and that was the training center. I patted my gunblade, the only thing that I ever really trusted, as I walked into the center. Stepping up into the grass of the training center I saw a T-Rex coming in my direction. Pulling out my gunblade I call out toward the T-Rex. "Come on lets dance!"
* * * * *
After the breakfast episode Zell and I decided to leave Squall alone for the day. We knew it must be hard enough coming back without us down his neck. I didn't check on Squall until it was time for dinner. I went to his dorm and knocked on his door when there was no answer I walked in. Discovering that he wasn't in his room it wasn't very hard to figure out where he went.
I arrived in the training center and found Squall battling a T-Rex. Taking out my whip I walk up to Squall.
"Can I join you?" I asked him not caring what his answer was. I joined in the fight without any transition. As Squall finished the last strike I say to him. "After three years Squall you're still so predictable."
"Huh.why do you ask?" he asked one of those rare times curiosity got the better of him.
"I had no doubt where you were. On his first full day back at the garden where else would Squall Lionheart go?" I said almost mockingly. Squall gives me ever so small smile. "Come on lets go to dinner," I say to him feeling the flutter in my heart.
* * * * *
Feeling a little more lighthearted after my go in the training center and Quistis attempt to cheer me up I was ready to see Irvine and Selphie. Quistis, Zell and I where hanging out on the balcony on the outside of the garden when Irvine and Selphie arrived. Hugs and joy filled that balcony Irvine and Selphie where still the upbeat and cheerful souls that they always where. After my third hug from Selphie she shouts.
"The notorious six back together again!" everyone looks nervously from Selphie to me. Selphie realizing her mistake tries to fix it. "I mean notorious five." I walk away from the group and went to the edge of the balcony looking over it into the star filled sky. I say to everyone.
"No, you where right the first time Selphie where just missing the sixth."
Squall strolled into my office I was reading the paper when I saw him come in. I put the paper down feeling a little ashamed. There was an awkward moment of silence between us. Sensing the awkwardness I made an effort to break it.
"Hard to believe isn't it?"
"No, it isn't," Squall said flatly sitting down in one of my chairs. He then asked me. "Is that why you called me down here?'
"Along those grounds," I told him. He slid further into his chair looking like this was the last place he wanted to be and that I was the last person he wanted to talk to on the subject that I was about to branch out on. "Haven't you even tried contacting any of your friends?" I asked concerned.
"Friends?" He knew damn well what I was talking about.
"Yeah you know those people you saved the world with. The people who you loved and cared for," He through his eyes at my remarks. "Squall!" I yelled "Don't pretend you didn't love or care for them and that you don't love and care for them still." He sat there silent.
"They haven't contacted me," He snarled at me after the moment of silence.
"Now maybe they don't, but before they did and you know it. You just probably never responded." He knew the statement was true.
"That was my choice to make," he told me. I look straight at Squall softening my voice.
"Son," I saw his eyes turn away at me. I knew he hated it when I addressed him like that, but that's what he was my son. For 17 years I wasn't his father, but now. I stopped thinking and continued to talk. "I'm worried. You're not happy and even though you've been a damn good soldier for Esthar I know it's not what you really want."
"What do I want?" He asked mockingly. I hold up the paper Rinoa and Seifer's picture was under the headline "The Wedding of Dreams," I point to Rinoa "her."
He looks away from the picture and said "that train pass me by along time ago."
"What happened Squall? You guys seamed to really care for each other. I know she had to take care of some things in Galbadia, but why did you stop it there?"
"That's none of your business!" he snapped at me and goes to leave. "Squall," I called to him stopping him at the doorway. "You've been assigned to assists the SeeDs in Balamb."
"What?" he asked dully not believing what I had just said?
"As President of Esthar I've ordered you to Balamb. Your train leaves early tomorrow morning. I've contacted Quistis she will pick you up at the station in Balamb."
He stood there not knowing how to react. "You're dismissed," I told him returning to my paper.
"Whatever," he said leaving my office and slamming the door behind him.
* * * * *
Zell and I waited impatiently for the train from Esthar to arrive. It had been almost three years since we last heard from Squall. When Rinoa left Squall just kind of hit rock bottom. He just sort of sat in bed all day. If it wasn't for Squalls depression he would have been promoted to general instead of me. A little after Rinoas departure Squall left, for what I thought, to go see Rinoa. I guess he never did. Last I heard he went to Esthar where he became a soldier there. It hurt when Squall left, but I knew for him to be with his new discovered father would probably be best for him. However, I never imagined Squall running to president Laguna. When president Laguna called me a few days ago I was incredible happy to hear him ask if Squall could come back to help out the SeeD. I didn't hesitate with saying yes and neither did headmaster Cid. As Zell and I stood there waiting I couldn't help but to feel excited about Squall coming back, and the possibilities that it could lead to.
"Do you think Squall coming back has anything to do with Rinoa and Seifer getting married?" Zell asked interrupting my thoughts.
"Maybe," I said recalling my conversation with president Laguna. "President Laguna made it sound like it was more his decision then Squalls," I told Zell.
"Well who cares why he's coming. I just can't wait to see the man!" Zell said to me enthusiastically.
"Me too," I said as the train from Esthar pulled in.
* * * * *
"Laguna that son of a bitch," I said to myself as the train was approaching Balamb. I left Balamb 3 years ago for a reason I also never came back for that same reason. I laid my head against the window and watched the scenery pass me by. My mind went back to the last time I was on a train, or second to last time. My last time on a train was from Galbadia to Esthar. It was almost three years ago. I was on my way to see Rinoa.
"How long do you think you'll be gone?" Quistis asked.
"Not sure," I told her I really wasn't.
"Have a safe trip man. Take care of what you have to take care of and then come home," Zell never seemed to loose his enthusiasm.
"Will do Zell," and extending my hand for a handshake. He moves past my hand and gives me a big hug. I stiffly pat him on the shoulder. "Thanks Zell," Zell pulls away. I look over at Quistis she gave me a rare smile.
"Bring her back Squall," I nod and step onto the train.
It had been three weeks since Rinoa had gone to Galbadia. I was completely miserable those three weeks with only the picture of Rinoa in my mind to keep me sane.
The whole train ride I was nervous from head to toe. I wasn't sure exactly how Rinoa was going to react to me showing up at her doorstep, but I was to the point where I didn't care. I needed to see her smile. I needed to hear her call my name. I picked up the paper Rinoa's picture was on the front page her hands covering her face. The headline read "A Sorceress or a joke?" I crumble the paper. "Those spineless basterds," I thought out loud.
The train stopped in Galbadia getting off the train I didn't know where to go. There was the sorceress palace, but that wasn't exactly a place where you could just walk in. I needed to get permission and it was General Calaway who came to mind. If I was going to be able to get permission it was going to come from him. I took the trolley to Calaway's mansion fortunately the guards' remembered me and I was allowed right in. Knocking on the general's door his butler came to answer. Standing up straight I ask the butler.
"May I please see General Calaway?"
"This way sir," the butler leads me to the general's office and knocks on the door.
"Come in," came a voice from inside. I walk in looking up from his desk General Calaway looks peculiarly up at me. I don't know who he was expecting but it sure wasn't me. He erases the surprise from his face. "What can I do for you.? Squall isn't it?"
"Sir I have come to ask for permission to go to the sorceress' palace."
"What for?" he asked perfectly knowing my reason, but I answered anyway.
"To see Rinoa," he takes a good look at me.
"You sure you want to do that?" he looks me directly in the eyes.
"Mad Shiva's couldn't keep me away," I said standing up as straight and proud as I could. "Why do you want to see her?"
"With respect sir that's between me and Rinoa," he looks at me hard for the last time sizing up the situation at hand. Finally reaches for a piece of paper and signs it.
"I hope you know what you're setting yourself up for. I wouldn't have given you permission, but from the look in your eyes I don't think there isn't anyway to stop you. I mind as well make it easier on everybody." He hands me the piece of paper. Saluting him I walk out the door.
I arrived at the sorceress' palace my entire body shaking. Talking to General Calaway made me really self- conscious. What was he talking about? Did Rinoa say something to him that would- I pushed my thoughts away. Ignoring all my thoughts in my brain and only following my heart I went up to the soldier guarding the entrance and handed him the piece of paper that the general gave me. He read it over giving it back to me he let me in. I had only taken a few steps when another soldier steps in front of me. Giving this soldier the piece of paper to he reads it. Once finished he asked.
"What is your business here?"
"I want to see Rinoa," I told the soldier.
"The sorceress is in the middle of a meeting. You can wait till there finished." I nodded and let the soldier lead me to the waiting room right outside Rinoa's office. With the soldier standing there watching over me I stood there. I could hardly believe that Rinoa was only a wall away from me.
The wait wasn't long before the door opened and I caught a glimpse of Rinoa's baby blue shirt. I turned my attention to the man who just walked out from Rinoa's office. My jaw dropped at the sight of Seifer Almansy. Seifer looked at me without a sign of shock. I walked up to Seifer.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I said through gritted teeth.
"I'm the general of the Galbadia SeeD's I have business with the sorceress all the time. What should be asked is what are you doing here?" Seifer hadn't lost a drop of his arrogance. I look from him to the door.
"I came to see Rinoa." It didn't come out as confidently as I had hoped.
"You want to see Rinoa,' Seifer chuckles. "That's fine but what makes you think she wants to see you?" My fist clench and I move my hand closer to my gunblade. "You let her go Squall. You lost and now," he lowers his voice so I was the only one to hear. "She's mine." I glare at Seifer hatred was becoming an overwhelming sensation. The soldier noticing a fight about to breakout says to me.
"Your next sir," I stood there.
"Yeah Squall your next," Seifer snarls. I look at the door so close to Rinoa, but yet so far. I once again turn my back on Rinoa and leave.
Not being with Rinoa was painful, but the thought of Rinoa with Seifer together was unbearable and so was the idea of going back to Balamb. The way I saw it there was nothing there for me anymore. I decided to go to Esthar where Laguna without hesitation would take me under his wing.
Esthar is where I've been for the last three years. I tried hard to loose touch with everyone. I only wrote once to Quistis and Zell telling them of my whereabouts. Quistis and Zell along with Irvine and Selphie have sent me many letters since then, but none have I responded to. As time went by it was easier to let them all go along with it. It made it easier not to think of Rinoa.
The train screeched to a stop when it arrived in Balamb I looked out the window and saw Quistis and Zell waiting. It all came rushing back to me. Stepping off the train I smelt the Balamb air. My heart filled with a familiar ness. it was a good feeling.
Quistis and Zell walked up to me there was a moment of silence among us. The silence was a symbol for the time that was lost between us. Like the lost time the silence was ended by Zell.
"Give me a hug man!" and before I could do anything Zell had wrapped me in a hug. I pulled away fast, but to myself I admitted that I was grateful for Zell's warm outburst.
"Come on Squall," Quistis says "We'll take you to your dormitory."
Walking through the garden was like a home coming. I think I was in denial on how much I missed the Garden, because once I stepped inside the building I felt like I had finally made it home. The dormitory that they took me to was just like the one I had three years ago.
"I get my own dormitory?" I asked them when we stepped into the room.
"It was headmaster Cid's idea," the headmaster that was someone that I hadn't thought of in awhile.
"Tell him thank you."
"You can tell him yourself tonight at dinner," Zell tells me I stood there silent. All this was coming back into my all at once and I didn't know if I was ready for it.
"We'll let you settle and gain a sense of all that's happening. We'll pick you up tonight for dinner." Quistis tells me I nod in response and quietly say.
"Thanks Quistis," she gave me a smile.
"It's good to have you back Squall," she tells me as her and Zell leave the room. I took a look at the room that they left me in.
"It's good to be back," I said to myself and laid on the bed thinking until Quistis and Zell returned.
When Quistis and Zell came to get me I had the pillow over my face. I can't really describe it, but I felt safe like nobody can find me when my face was covered by the pillow. Zell whips the pillow from my face.
"I have a nice sleep?" Zell asked
"Didn't sleep," I told him getting off the bed and joining them at the door.
"What did ya do then?" He continued to push
"Just thought about things," knowing not to ask what I was thinking about Zell backed off.
"Come on guys the headmaster and Edea are waiting," Quistis always spoke up at the right moments. You could always count on her for that. I thought back to all the times that Quistis broke up fights between Seifer and me. I cringed at the name.
Quistis and Zell lead me down to the cafeteria where a smiling headmaster Cid and Edea where waiting. Seeing their faces brought a slight ease to my stomach which has been churning for years. These where the people who I respected most in the world I shake the headmaster's hand.
"Squall no need for formalities," giving me a big hug followed by Edea doing the same. I gave them a polite nod as we sat down at the table. The noise in the cafeteria had not changed it was filled with the same senseless chatter.
"I'm not accustomed to the cafeteria surroundings. I feel a bit silly," Cid joked looking around the cafeteria at all the young SeeDs and students.
"Now dear," Edea chirped in, "what else do you expect?"
"Nothing else my dear, nothing else," Cid said smiling then turning to Zell and Quistis. "What good to eat here?'
"The hotdogs, sir!" Zell burst without hesitation.
"Well then in honor of Squalls return," Cid gets up and goes up to the cafeteria counter. He comes back with a tray of full of hotdogs stacked at least a foot high.
"Alright headmaster!" Zell said adamantly grabbing a hotdog. I watched the headmaster chuckle then joined in with everyone in grabbing a hotdog from off the tray. Taking a bite I forgot how much I loved those things.
As we where eating Edea asked "So how's Esthar been Squall?"
"Fine," I told her not wanting to get into it.
"Well we appreciate your help along with your company Squall." The headmaster tells me.
"Thank you sir," I said honestly appreciating the kind words.
"If there's any questions don't hesitate," I nod at the headmaster's invitation.
Having enjoyed my dinner with everyone I went back to my dormitory with a full stomach, but more importantly a heart that was starting to feel again. With all that was happening I couldn't help but to wonder, as I was falling asleep, if I was setting myself up for another big fall.
The next morning came with the heat of the morning sun beaming down on me. It felt as if I never missed a morning waking up here. I went down to the cafeteria where I found Quistis and Zell already having breakfast.
"Sleep well?" Quistis asked with a sleepy yawn.
"Surprisingly very well," I told Quistis sitting down in a chair next to her.
"Guess who's coming in man!" Zell burst out not able to keep it in any longer, but before I got a chance to guess a woman SeeD comes up to me asking nervously.
"Are you really Squall Lionheart?" I nodded. The woman loses some of her nervousness. "Oh my god I didn't believe it!" She points over to a group of giggling girls. "They all said you where. I didn't believe them, but here you are. You're a lot cuter then I heard." Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Quistis and Zell smile at each other. The woman continues to talk with her eyes looking down on the ground. She pivots her foot around when she asked.
"So do you and sorceress Rinoa still talk?" I look away not answering her question. Quistis and Zell look daggers at the woman who walks off. "I'm sorry it was just a question," the woman says going back to her table.
Nobody said anything I sat there remembering that this is why I didn't want to come back. I didn't want to deal with people like that woman people always remembering me for once being with the "sorceress." "But I'm not with the sorceress!" I shouted inside my head. "Seifer is!"
Zell wanting to break the silence asked me the question that he was asking before the woman interrupted us, only this time with less enthusiasm. "So can you guess whose coming?" I shrug my shoulders "Irvine and Selphie. They'll be here tomorrow."
"Great," I said not lifting the tone in my voice. I get up from the table. "I'm going to go back to my dormitory."
"But Squall," Quistis protested "You didn't even have any breakfast."
"I'm still full from the hotdogs," I told her and started my way back to my dorm. Thankfully Quistis and Zell left me alone. Even with three years between us they still knew that I needed time to think. I thought about a lot of things with my time alone in the dorm. I thought about my time back in Balamb thus far, I thought about headmaster Cid and Edea, I thought about Quistis and Zell and seeing Irvine and Selphie tomorrow, but what I thought most about was Rinoa. Over the years I had gotten better about not thinking about her, but it was completely impossible to completely stop. What I found myself thinking about the most was what would have happen if I would have done things differently. I hated "What ifs," but that's all I had left of Rinoa was the "What ifs" so against my will I cling to them.
It got later and I decided to go for a walk. I made a quick stop into the library and Quad just to see, but I really only had one real destination and that was the training center. I patted my gunblade, the only thing that I ever really trusted, as I walked into the center. Stepping up into the grass of the training center I saw a T-Rex coming in my direction. Pulling out my gunblade I call out toward the T-Rex. "Come on lets dance!"
* * * * *
After the breakfast episode Zell and I decided to leave Squall alone for the day. We knew it must be hard enough coming back without us down his neck. I didn't check on Squall until it was time for dinner. I went to his dorm and knocked on his door when there was no answer I walked in. Discovering that he wasn't in his room it wasn't very hard to figure out where he went.
I arrived in the training center and found Squall battling a T-Rex. Taking out my whip I walk up to Squall.
"Can I join you?" I asked him not caring what his answer was. I joined in the fight without any transition. As Squall finished the last strike I say to him. "After three years Squall you're still so predictable."
"Huh.why do you ask?" he asked one of those rare times curiosity got the better of him.
"I had no doubt where you were. On his first full day back at the garden where else would Squall Lionheart go?" I said almost mockingly. Squall gives me ever so small smile. "Come on lets go to dinner," I say to him feeling the flutter in my heart.
* * * * *
Feeling a little more lighthearted after my go in the training center and Quistis attempt to cheer me up I was ready to see Irvine and Selphie. Quistis, Zell and I where hanging out on the balcony on the outside of the garden when Irvine and Selphie arrived. Hugs and joy filled that balcony Irvine and Selphie where still the upbeat and cheerful souls that they always where. After my third hug from Selphie she shouts.
"The notorious six back together again!" everyone looks nervously from Selphie to me. Selphie realizing her mistake tries to fix it. "I mean notorious five." I walk away from the group and went to the edge of the balcony looking over it into the star filled sky. I say to everyone.
"No, you where right the first time Selphie where just missing the sixth."