Part I | Chapter 4

A one-way mirror separated the observation room from the interrogation one. The latter was white with tiled walls and floors, so it was easier to clean the blood. At the middle was a metal chair. The only think breaking the light colours was the raven hair falling from her tipped back head. Her skin was unhealthily pale, matching the white from her tank top. How she had managed to pull through that Exam without a drop of blood tainting her clothes was remarkable. Gohama looked so motionless. He uncovered his sharingan slightly just to make sure her blood was still running. It was. Inside her laid out neck was the red flow. Her chest also rose and fell steadily. Drops of sweat sliding from her neck through her throat onto her chest. The effects of her body cleansing itself from the sedatives. She should be waking up any moment now. The door opened, pulling him from his scrutiny.

"Hokage-sama, Kazekage-sama." he bowed.

"Kakashi-san." Gaara greeted.

The newly arrived studied the girl in the middle of the room.

"So, Hatake" Tsunade began "apparently, she trusts you."

"Well, she trusts her uncle that in his turn trusts me. I doubt it matters now, she thinks I sold myself in change for the Kyura secrets."

"And you? You were the one that opposed to this so adamantly. Do you trust her?"

"I trust Tsukate."

"We'll see if your trust is well placed, Hatake."

"With all due respect, Tsunade-sama, but I didn't know Suna would also be present."

Gaara finally drifted his gaze away from Gohama. "I asked to be present, Kakashi-san. Considering Konoha is using the safeguard of our Exam for memory interrogation, I thought it would be only fair."

Kakashi clenched his fists. Of course Gaara would demand that. Gohama was an important pawn in the power plays between Villages. If it was discovered, which Kakashi doubted, Gohama was a spy in the Leaf, it would be essential for Suna to know. Then they would either support the Leaf or offer her asylum. Whichever they thought gave them more influence. Most importantly, if it was discovered she was the lost ten-tails jinchuriki, Konoha couldn't hide it from Suna. War between the Nations would definitely break out. Konoha already had the Kyubi one. Everyone would fight for the always-coveted Buki jinchuriki.

Gohama groaned. The three turned back to her. She lifted her head and twisted it, wincing from a sore neck. Opening her eyes, she smirked, her deep green boring through his dark one. She couldn't see through the mirror, could she? Her gaze shifted towards Tsunade and then Gaara.

"If I knew I would be in the presence of two kages, I would have dressed better." She stood up and approached the mirror, her bound hands curiously knocking on it. "So, who's going to interrogate me? The great copy nin?" she asked, turning her eyes towards Kakashi.

"Hatake," Tsunade called "Go tell Inoichi he can start."

Kakashi did as he was ordered. When he came back to the observation room, he was handed a chakra binding, which he connected to his temple. This would allow them to see what Yamanaka Inoichi saw from Gohama's mind.

"You're Konoha." the Kyura stated, as he entered the interrogation room. He didn't answer her.

The Yamanaka asked Gohama to take her place at the chair and she did so. He connected a chakra binding to his nape. Next, he secured her wrists to the chair's arms and ankles to its legs.

"The second phase of the Exam con—"

She scoffed. "That's what you're calling it?"

"—sists of an interrogation. You are to protect the information inside the scroll you took from your mission for the entire duration of it."

"Hokage-sama, did you convince them to change one phase just so you could torture me with no consequences or implications?" she casually asked, gazing towards Tsunade.

Kakashi still couldn't be sure the one-way mirror was truly one-way.

"I will not torture you. I'll take information from your memories." Inoichi explained softly.

"Good luck with that. I'm the Yukikage's daughter, my mind has been protected since before I could talk."

Inoichi set his hand on Gohama's forehead. A surge of chakra reached Kakashi's binding and spread through his head. The foreign energy pinched him with a sharp headache that quickly dispersed, giving place to dizziness. He had his eyes opened when a foreign image overtook his mind. In front of him was a massive gate with a seal, a Kyura seal, marking its wood. Gohama's mind. If he focused on his real vision, he could still see Inoichi working on her. With his eyes closed, the wooden gate appeared again, like a lucid dream.

"How can he break a Kyura seal?" Gaara commented.

"That's what Inoichi does." Tsunade defended sternly.

Half an hour had passed and the seal was still intact.

"Inoichi," Tsunade called through her earpiece "let's try the serum."

"It won't weaken the seal, Hokage-sama…" Yamanaka informed, unsure of his orders.

"No. But it will weaken the door."

Now they were going to drug her, break her mind apart. Kakashi wanted to protect his Village, but this… Tsukate had asked him to keep an eye on Gohama, but there was nothing he could do. He had tried to dissuade Tsunade, after that failed all he could do was try to stop the interrogation from going too far.

Memory interrogation was only reserved for outside people who had acted against a village or inside traitors. If the person being interrogated was only suspected of something, it was theoretically forbidden. It was a more sensitive case of torture than actual physical one, because it violated every little detail of one's life. From the most ordinary, indifferent memory to the deepest, moving ones. It trampled into one's individual experiences and made them others. It violated one's identity, one's sense of being. And now, both Suna and Konoha were doing it to Gohama on a whim.

A man in scrubs entered the interrogation room. It was easy to see Gohama's veins with her pale skin. The syringe broke the skin and the liquid was pushed in. She never said a word, never acknowledged the man that drugged her. Her stark and defiant gaze was pinned on Tsunade. She clenched her eyelids when the drug kicked in. When she opened her eyes, they were dark. Chuckling, she said "The Haruto Serum. The medic that could break any shinobi with a drop of his substance. How did you get it, Tsunade? It was my great-granny, wasn't it?" she chuckled again "How she must be turning in her grave knowing her pupil used it on her great-grandchild, her dying Clan's heiress… Let's hope she does know. A Kyura ought to pay for spilling clan secrets to outsiders. Even in death."

Tsunade gritted her fists beside her body. Her fury was tensing the room, but there was something else in her expression. Kakashi knew it well, it was guilt.

"Cruel girl…" he heard her whispering to herself.

Kakashi felt irritation prickle his chest. She wasn't being cruel, she was striking her opponent, she was fighting back in the only way possible when chained up: emotional blows.

He closed his eyes, as Inoichi went back to his jutsu. Fissures were cracking through the wood of the gate. The Yamanaka chakra filling them, expanding them to cavities.

"Let go, girl" Inoichi softly told her "It will only hurt more if you fight it."

Fifteen minutes later, the gate broke into insignificant splinters. Gohama grasped her hands on the metal chair, her expression clenching in pain. On the other side of the threshold, infinite whiteness spread endlessly.

"Where are the memories?" Tsunade asked Inoichi, concerned.

"I'm searching them." Inoichi answered.

"You won't find what you're looking for. Those memories don't exist because what you're looking for never happened or I never got to know it."

"Start with her childhood. I'll tell you when to stop." Tsunade ordered through the earpiece.

As the Yamanaka worked on her mind, windows would rise from the endless white ocean. They were hidden inside the undifferentiated nothingness and Inoichi knew how to make them appear. Still, even with the Serum, the glass would only show imperceptible blurs and static. With his Sharingan, Kakashi could see his chakra reducing. He had already used so much. If it ended, their progression would be useless. They would have to start from the beginning, if ever given the chance again.

"It's impossible to become immune, but I did learn how to counter its effects." Gohama explained cockily through ragged breaths.

Her heart was beating hard and fast. More drops of sweat slid down her forehead and neck. She was fighting the prying hard. Inoichi chakra spiked, the three could feel it on their chakra bindings. Gohama tensed and then relaxed slightly. Kakashi could feel the vertigo as they fell through the glass of a window. A traditional Japanese mansion, with a beautifully kept garden and pond, materialised before Kakashi's eyes.

"Gohama-sama! Get inside right now!"

"No!" Gohama yelled, while she ran from puddle to puddle after her dog. "Riku! Give my ball back! Riku! I want my ball!"

As the dog heard his name, he ran towards the little girl, ball secured in his mouth. He halted right before reaching her, but still bumped her. Gohama fell with a thud onto her bottom.

"Bad doggy!" she yelped with a smile.

Her hand shot onto the ball stuck between his teeth. She pulled with as much strength as a three-year-old could. The dog finally relented and she was thrown back onto the mud.

"Gohama-sama! Yukikage-sama will be home in a minute. You have to get ready for the Daimyo's arrival. Come now!"

Gohama flinched at the nanny's anger and decided it was best she obeyed. She quickly ran inside, but was stopped by two wide and strong arms at the porch.

"You're filthy, Gohama-sama. You'll get the floors all dirty. Take your shoes and coat off. – she ordered, while she did the task herself "And run for the bathroom. The water must be cold already and I won't reheat it!"

"Bye, Ruki!" she waved at the husky as she entered.

They were on a child's bedroom now. The dark haired girl dressed in a green kimono.

"Oh, Koroko-san, I don't like kimonos!"

"I know, Go-sama, but you have to wear them."

"Why? Isune-chan doesn't have to. And she doesn't have to see Damo."

"The Daimyo" Koroko corrected softly "Well, Isune isn't the Yukikage's daughter."

"I know that." she puffed.

Koroko turned Gohama so she would face the mirror.

"It's silly…" she commented, as she opened her arms and let the wide sleeves show "and big."

"You look lovely! Except for that pout. We'll have to do something about it." she started poking her ribs and belly playfully "What about now?" Gohama fought the laugh from tickling, emphasising her grumpy expression. "Okay, not working… What do you say if I ask Michi-san to make sushi for dinner tomorrow? Hm, Go-sama?"

Gohama glanced over the plump woman with big wary eyes. "Nigiri…?"

"Lots of Nigiri!" she confirmed excitedly.

"Okay!" Gohama said with a smile.

The little girl was grinning inside. Her plan had worked! She knew Koroko-san would buy her manners with sushi, she always did.

"Yukikage-sama is home." The nanny said as she looked down the window. Gohama's smile widened and she sped away from the bedroom. "No running with the kimono on, Gohama-sama!" she heard Koroko's fading yell.

When the memory ended, they were back to the whiteness.

"That's not the memories I want, Inoichi."

"I know, Hokage-sama, but she was the one to give me this."

Gohama was yielding into Inoichi's meddling by giving him useless memories. This way her mind wouldn't break and she could control the memories they would see. Smart. Another spike of Yamanaka chakra. Another memory appeared.

A tiny hand brushed snowflakes from dark eyelashes. A think cedar forest, covered in white, surrounded the girl. The scenery moved up and down matching the sound of footsteps on snow. Her leg hurt greatly.

"Yukine, how long?" a childish, impatient voice asked.

"A few miles." a deep voice replied. It rumbled through her legs.

The girl looked down onto the great white wolf that was carrying her on his back. She let her chest rest on his spine and her arms dangle by his warm and fluffy sides.

"By sled is faster."

"Considering you broke your leg riding the sled, it's safer by piggyback."

"Wolfyback!" the girl shouted, genuinely laughing at her own joke.

Yukine also laughed and again it rumbled through her body.

"Father's mad?"

"Ina-kun is glad you're okay. But he worries. You have to be careful, Gohama, more so than the other children. Your safety is essential."

"A kunoichi is never safe." the girl replied with pride.

"You're not even in the Academy, little kunoichi." he replied tenderly amused.

"But I train with Osamu-hanshi and Haku-kun too. Osamu-hanshi said I could be a genin by seven. Can I do a bond with you then?" the girl asked excitedly.

"I'm still bonded to your father. Maybe when you're older."

"Good. You're my favourite wolf, Yukine."

"Why is that?"

"You're wise and kind and powerful. You have the best nose. And you're Father's."

Kakashi couldn't handle how Gohama's innocent memories were disturbing him. He tried to focus on quieting his pulse and levelling his breathing.

The room was silent. Inoichi worked on her mind for long minutes. He broke the silence.

"Her mind his breaking. Random memories will burst out. Tell me when to focus on one, Hokage-sama."

Gohama snowball fighting.

Gohama hunting with her Father.

Gohama being pushed on a sled by dogs.

Gohama lovingly watching her newborn brother, with wonder.

Gohama playing with other children.

Gohama training in the academy.

Gohama graduating and receiving her hitai-ate.

Gohama contemplating the Arms, her home.

Gohama listening in on her Father and Uncle.

The vertigo was constant as they dived from window to window, broke from glass to glass. The surges of sensations were overwhelming. They felt every single one of the memories as if they were their own. Kakashi felt like a thief.

"That one." Tsunade intervened.

"Don't you understand, Inaku? There are fewer of us with the bloodline limit. We can't let our clan die!"

"Our clan isn't dying."

"Isn't it? Now that you're Yukikage, all you do is favour smaller, less powerful clans and forget about your own!"

"I'm only supporting the most skilled shinobi. I'm impartial."

"The elders aren't pleased with your ruling. This is one simple thing. It doesn't concern the Arms, only the Kyura. We need more of us with bloodline limit!"

"I won't force my daughter to marry a man twenty years older than her, much less her cousin!"

"You want her to marry the Minake kid." he said disdainfully. "They have you in their hands."

"She's seven, Hideki, seven! I'm not thinking about who she's going to marry."

"She won't have to marry now. Only when she's old enough to have children. Our clan is losing its former glory. We used to be seen as gods, now the people think they are equal to our blood."

"Damn, Hideki… You're truly pitiful… That mentality is what's killing the Kyura in the first place."

"Even if you're the Head of Clan, you can't go against the assembly's decision. They will decide for my son and Gohama's union."

The girl ran away from her hiding spot. Tears were prickling her eyes. She admonished her weakness. She had to accept her duty, even if it meant sacrificing her freedom. She had been made to serve and protect the Arms and her Clan. If Father asked her to, she would marry Cousin. No matter how much pain it caused her. Gohama had never been meant for happiness. Only duty.

Gohama playing catch with her toddler brother.

Gohama watching a blonde girl paint.

Gohama waiting for her Father outside the Yukikage's Palace.

Gohama listening to a traditional recital on her home's garden.

Gohama watching the fireworks from a rooftop.

Gohama offering flowers to her Mother.

Gohama playing with her friends.

Gohama learning how to swim in the river.

"She's fighting this one, Hokage-sama, hard. Maybe she's hiding something."

"Show it."

Chakra burst from Inoichi.

A mother was screaming. Her child had just died, drowned in the river. He was still and under his mother's embrace. Limp.

The screaming. Stop the screaming. Please stop the screaming.

Gohama ran away from the riverbank.

"Kuni-kun?" The dark-eyed child cleaned the tears from his cheeks. "Why are you crying?"

"I miss my parents."

"Where are they?"

"Dead."

(Dead? Why does everyone cry when people die? Do they disappear? Is it like when Father stays away for long?)

"Where's Isune-chan?" the girl asked.

"She's home with her family. When she gets back to the academy, you must be a good friend to her, Gohama."

"I'm always good!"

"This time is more important."

"Why?"

"Her brother died on a mission. She's sad."

(Died? Sad? Do all shinobi have to die?)

"Will I die too, mother?"

"Don't think about that, my dear."

"Will you cry when I die?"

"Go play with your friends, Gohama. And forget about grown up things."

"Isune-chan isn't a grown up."

They dived into another window, but this time the glass didn't break.

"No… Not that one… " she whispered "Not that one…"

Inoichi forced his chakra once more onto her mind. It shattered and they were falling again.

The girl tightened her hold on Mother's hand. She tried to understand the characters carved on the stone.

"Mother, where do people go when they die?"

"No one is entirely sure, Gohama. We believe they go to some place beautiful and peaceful.

(No it's not. Death makes people cry. Death makes people hurt.)

"But most importantly we believe they stay with us still here, in our minds" Mother said as she poked her forehead "eyes, nose, mouth and heart. They never leave us. We don't see them but we can feel them."

Gohama looked down at her chest and brought her small hand against it.

(No. They leave us. How can they stay inside of us? I'm too small. Too small for you, Mother, to stay in me when you die.)

"Is that where Grandmother is?"

"Yes."

(I can't feel her.)

"I miss her."

"Me too. But one day we will see her again."

(I want to sit with her by the pond. I want to watch her sew. I want to hear her voice.)

"Can I talk to her?"

"Of course. And she will listen, even if you can't listen back."

(Everyone else will disappear too.)

"When will you die, Mother?"

"Oh, I don't know, Gohama. But don't worry about it, it will be a long time from now." Mother kneeled in front of her and tucked a strand of Gohama's hair behind her ear "But I'll always be with you, my dear Hama-chan. And you with me. Of this, I'm sure."

(Will you, Mother? Please? Will you always stay with me? Will you never die?)

"Me too."

Mother's dark hair tossed over her pale face. Wide, blank eyes staring into the girl's ones. A pool of crimson blood dripping from her stomach onto the wooden floor. A masked man with a reddened blade in his hand. Her own cheeks dripping panicking and desperate tears.

"Mother! Mother!" she tried running to her Mother's body. Father held her.

(You said it would be a long time…)

"Hokage-sama…" Kakashi pleaded, his voice trembling.

"Inoichi, what are these memories? What's happening?"

"I can't control them. The girl's out. Her mind is acting on its own. The memories are all connected. I can't stop the thread."

Father stood beside the girl. She was gazing the graves after the memorial.

"You are a lucky girl, Gohama, to still have your precious people alive. Death is part of a shinobi's life. Even for a young kunoichi like you." he said sweetly "It brings pain, but it can still be a beautiful thing when it's meaningful. Before a battle or mission, we Arms' nin always say «If death comes, may it be in honour of the Arms.»"

"Is that what is asked of me? To die?"

"You don't have to die, just to fight, Gohama."

"Not just fight. My power… My life… I belong to the Arms. Whatever is asked of me, whatever comes to me may it be in honour of the Arms." she bowed before Father "Yukikage-sama."

Father brushed the hair at the crown of her head.

"Never forget that I'm just a man and you're still my daughter, Hama-chan."

"Gohama! Listen to me, look at me!" Father tried keeping a secure and calm tone, the child didn't respond and he started shaking her "do you remember what we talked about, if this happened?"

The girl nodded slightly.

"Yukine…" the girl whispered.

"I take care of him."

"No! I can't leave without him! I'm his sister. He can come with me, I can take care of him!"

"He's better with me, don't worry. You have to go, now! Run! To where I told you! Run!"

He pushed her and she ran without ever saying goodbye.

"Fuck. Uncle Tsukate. What did you do…?"

"I'm sorry, Gohama…"

She pushed her chakra through the hole in his guts, her hands now soaked in red.

"No, no, no… Don't leave me, please… Hey, hey! Look at me! Fuck… I'm calling the medic, please, stay awake. I need you. You're all I have left… Please stay. Please…"

(Where are you, Mother? You said you'd stay with me. You're gone. I can't feel you… I can't feel anything…)

The memories kept running, the glass window's shattering. More and more showed the massacre of the Arms. He felt sick. His guts were wrenching, his chest constricted. Tsunade and Gaara watched with morbid curiosity. All this was vile, disturbing. He couldn't bear it anymore.

"It's enough!"

"We haven't found anything useful, Hatake." Tsunade argued.

"You won't find anything. It's been hours. Inoichi is almost depleted of chakra. Gohama passed out! This is sick." with shaking hands he began banging on the one-way mirror.

"You either pull yourself together or leave." Tsunade growled, threatening him with her fist.

Kakashi couldn't bear it anymore. All the guilt was tearing him, all the compassion. "If she dies, I hope you're glad you killed the last Kyura."

He ripped the chakra binding from his temple. A headache burst through his head and he burst out of the observation room.

There was a humming and beeping beside Gohama. Her head was bursting in pain. Each beep pierced through her temples. The light over her closed eyelids made it hurt more. Some chakra signatures passed on the other side of the corridor. The air was cool and smelled of sterilization. They had put her in a hospital bed. She felt like crying her eyes out, but the tears were stuck behind them. She was dry, body and soul. She could scream, but had no energy to do so. So tired. So tired… Turning towards the wall, Gohama begged for sleep to claim her.

It never came. She spent the hours holding onto to the sheets, willing her mind to stop hurting, stop torturing her with the memories. After seven years, she had learnt how to master her rebel thoughts. Thinking made things present. If she didn't think, she would forget and along with her awareness the pungent emotions would soften. This allowed her to be functional. Now her mind had been torn apart. The sheer vulnerability of having the past that made Gohama who she was visible to others was enough to make her sick. The memories had been tainted by prying looks. They were no longer only Gohama's. They didn't belong to her anymore. Then, there was their nature. They had been so realistic, so raw, so tangible. It wasn't just recalling. The Yamanaka jutsu made people relive it. And now that she was back to present time all was left was loss and emptiness. The memories continued to flow back, her mind was ill, she couldn't control it, but they were a shallow carcass, eaten away by vultures.

If she could just stop seeing Mother's dead face, hearing her people's screaming, smelling the rotten and the blood. After seven years, it was back again with full force. The relived good memories only pained her more. She had promised her Yukikage she would accept any burden for Buki, but existing was too much and living worse. Most of her had disappeared that night.

Now, in that hospital bed, her forehead against the cold wall, her head throbbing, somewhere in the desert, Gohama couldn't bear it anymore. If she could cry maybe it would help dissipate the anguish, but she couldn't. She had never been able to relieve her frantic inner movements through outbursts. Only anger, because anger was meant to explode. But pain, loss, grief, they could gnaw from inside and never show. And she was so profoundly tired!

Maybe death would come that night. Merciful death. She would never do it herself, but if death came on her own will, she would let herself be dragged. Gohama was too weak, too tired to fight. Then, the last Kyura would forsake her kunoichi mantra. Her coward death would not be in honour of the Arms. It would be dirty and shameful. She would betray once again the Village she had sworn to serve. Death should had come for her on that fatal night. Gohama obsessed over that moment when she had decided to follow given orders, leaving her home behind, never knowing if they had been given by her father or her Yukikage. If it had been bonds to move Inaku or duty.

Gohama just wanted to sleep. She couldn't bear it anymore. Kakashi's chakra signature filled the room. She was in no state to confront him or anyone really. She would pretend to be sleeping until he left, which he didn't for what seemed an eternity. One thing that made her misery worse was people not leaving her to be miserable in peace.

"Leave." her voice was pitiful.

"I tried to stop them. I—"

"I'm not my uncle. I didn't expect anything from you. You're a Leaf shinobi."

"You too."

"Was this a welcoming party then?" she asked bitterly.

"Thank you for risking bringing Sakura… it was part of the Exam so there wasn't actually any danger, but the intention was there. I also know you went after the girl from your team... Why?"

Gohama had already left a whole village behind...

Kakashi stayed silent, she could feel him thinking.

"Will you stay in the Leaf?"

"I don't have much choice."

"I could help you get back to Snow."

"Is this how you see me?" she asked offended "What happened won't stop me from getting what I came to Konoha for."

"Well, the last phase already started. It's duels. Someone will tell you when you're to fight." Gohama heard hesitant footsteps in her direction, and then they stopped halfway. "I'm sorry."

The chakra signature disappeared. She unclenched the sheets in her hands. Poor guy that would have to fight her now.

To anyone who's still following the story, thank you!

I'm having problems with formatting. I can't make double paragraph spaces between memories. On one hand, it helps with the feel of a bundle of memories just following each other in a thread; on the other hand, it can be difficult to distinguish them. Do you think I should make an horizontal line between them? I tried dashes but they just disappeared... Any tip on formatting?