Most people say that my rivalry with Squall was because he was an excellent
fighter. Some say it's because he caught Rinoa.
It's not like I was serious with her. She was just a summer fling. She wanted me to help the Forest Owls and I needed someone to listen to my arrogant dreams. We broke apart because of our differences. She was sweet and considerate, I… I was filled with shocking ambition. Rinoa was too cute for my tastes. I knew it was doomed when we started, I'm not sure why I even bothered, I had my friends, who would do anything for me. I felt that she needed me, she needed to be protected, even just for a while…
But that doesn't really matter. People don't see me as a thoughtful type. I don't allow them to. So no one knows about my most treasured possession: my journal. Because I kept a diary, I kept my memories.
It all started from the orphanage. Squall was the one who was adored. He was a quiet boy who got cared for by everyone. He seemed to always be in the group. He was the child who always got asked to play, even if he just wanted to be alone. I was the outsider. I had to butt in to fit in. I still wonder, what was wrong with me? What made everybody like Squall… and not me?
I covered up my want for affection with nastiness and sarcastic comments. I grabbed desperately at anything that would make me stand out. It was awful to do some of those things I did, but I needed to be noticed.
When we got transferred to Balamb Garden, I saw my chance. I wanted to become the best gunblade fighter in the garden. I longed for people to look at me with both fear and admiration in their eyes.
I was surprised to see that Squall also wanted to master the gunblade. A bit pleased too. I could show everyone who was the better of the two. I loved the power. I cherished the weapon that I learned to use.
I had friends. A posse. Raijin and Fujin were the family I never had. They were devoted to me, and I to them. For our amusement, we became the disciplinary committee so we would have a bit of influence over people.
I suppose you think that having that strength and authority would satisfy me. It didn't needed much more.
When I was in class one day, instructor told the class that each sorceress had a knight, who would defend her and command her armies. I knew from then on that it was my dream to become one.
They say I was enchanted. Not by the sorceress though. I was entranced by my objective. Captivated with my power.
People change. I hope to make the world forgive me some day. My ambition was like a drug to me. It raised me to a great height. But eventually it was my downfall.
I'm happy now. I'm satisfied that they let me return to the garden. I have my friends again, they accepted me even after that terrible episode with the sorceress. They still are my only family. I'm glad some things never change.
It's not like I was serious with her. She was just a summer fling. She wanted me to help the Forest Owls and I needed someone to listen to my arrogant dreams. We broke apart because of our differences. She was sweet and considerate, I… I was filled with shocking ambition. Rinoa was too cute for my tastes. I knew it was doomed when we started, I'm not sure why I even bothered, I had my friends, who would do anything for me. I felt that she needed me, she needed to be protected, even just for a while…
But that doesn't really matter. People don't see me as a thoughtful type. I don't allow them to. So no one knows about my most treasured possession: my journal. Because I kept a diary, I kept my memories.
It all started from the orphanage. Squall was the one who was adored. He was a quiet boy who got cared for by everyone. He seemed to always be in the group. He was the child who always got asked to play, even if he just wanted to be alone. I was the outsider. I had to butt in to fit in. I still wonder, what was wrong with me? What made everybody like Squall… and not me?
I covered up my want for affection with nastiness and sarcastic comments. I grabbed desperately at anything that would make me stand out. It was awful to do some of those things I did, but I needed to be noticed.
When we got transferred to Balamb Garden, I saw my chance. I wanted to become the best gunblade fighter in the garden. I longed for people to look at me with both fear and admiration in their eyes.
I was surprised to see that Squall also wanted to master the gunblade. A bit pleased too. I could show everyone who was the better of the two. I loved the power. I cherished the weapon that I learned to use.
I had friends. A posse. Raijin and Fujin were the family I never had. They were devoted to me, and I to them. For our amusement, we became the disciplinary committee so we would have a bit of influence over people.
I suppose you think that having that strength and authority would satisfy me. It didn't needed much more.
When I was in class one day, instructor told the class that each sorceress had a knight, who would defend her and command her armies. I knew from then on that it was my dream to become one.
They say I was enchanted. Not by the sorceress though. I was entranced by my objective. Captivated with my power.
People change. I hope to make the world forgive me some day. My ambition was like a drug to me. It raised me to a great height. But eventually it was my downfall.
I'm happy now. I'm satisfied that they let me return to the garden. I have my friends again, they accepted me even after that terrible episode with the sorceress. They still are my only family. I'm glad some things never change.