Hello there. About the chapters that will follow. This was probably the second part from this story that I've written. So, I feel that the writing isn't as good as the previous parts. I thought of replacing this part for a completely new one, but decided against it. Firstly because I do want to explore seduction missions and how messed up they can get. Secondly, because it has an important plot point and it fits well within this arc. I have rewritten parts of the chapters.

I thought I should let you know about it. Thanks for reading, be careful and have a great quarantine!

-RedPowder

Part III | Chapter 4

Her eyes half-opened to the blinding light of the morning. She winced at the piercing stab and the throbbing of her temples. The two snoring beasts beside her didn't help her miserable head. With a deathlike grunt, Gohama stretched her sore muscles from a week long marathon of binging bars with all the new jonin – three full ones and four tokubetsu.

Today was the day the team would get back to their training regimen as jonin. They had all passed the Jonin Exams. It had been a gruesome, month long exam, on some lost jungle in southern Land of Rivers. Gohama had never sweated as much in her life with the humid heat of that place and the constant exhausting action. The examinees had been left to survive alone in unknown territory full of "enemy" nin, who consisted of Konoha jonin under henge, and simulated missions. There had been times when they had to fight each other. And there had been one casualty due to an untreated infection. Every participant knew of the risk and they could choose to concede at any given time. And because of the reason for his death, the circumstances, the funeral ceremonies had never felt so bitter, a shinobi's death so meaningless. To die on a exam was to die for nothing.

Out of pure luck, Nikato and Kisamaru had found each other halfway through and had decided to stay together. Gohama had met them, also supposedly at random, when the boys were being beaten to a pulp by one of the jonin examiners, who turned out to be Hatake Kakashi. He had been merciless with her, using her teammates to torment her, targeting them in the middle of their fight. All because of her pre-admission hassle and their awkward moment after. He had to stab at her fear of losing her teammates, he had to try to break her through it. But Gohama didn't break. She knew she couldn't win against the Copy-nin, but still she had fought hard enough until an opening appeared and she escaped with Nikato and Kisamaru.

Now, Gohama and Kisamaru were full Jonin and Nikato was a Tokubetsu Jonin, specialised in Wind Release jutsu and aerial scouting and tracking.

A loud snort rumbled beside her and Gohama turned her head to the sound. Hansuke was sprawled on his futon. His mouth was opened with a thread of drool sliding down its corner. His hair a mess of tangles. She smiled lightly at the image and, after standing up, turned to watch Nikato. He didn't look any better.

She stepped outside onto Hansuke's engawa and sat beside Kisamaru. He had a cup of tea between his hands and she watched the swirls of steam rising into the still cool morning.

"Kisa-chan." She greeted.

"Good morning." He assessed her state with those pale lavender, all seeing eyes that never failed to make her feel exposed. "Do you want me to treat your hangover?"

"It's okay. I think coffee and water are enough for me." She looked over her shoulder to the sleeping lumps on the living room "And considering how much those two are snoring, I think you should save it for them."

They stayed silent for a while, so Gohama went inside to make coffee for everyone and returned with a cup of her own.

"Hansuke is really proud of you two. He almost cried last night. It would have been drunk crying, but the sentiment is still there."

As the two of them had stumbled through the streets of Konoha, leaning on each other, as Kisamaru carried an almost passed out Nikato in front of them, Hansuke had went into a drunken speech. It had started with the boys and his endearing pride and ended with him pulling her into a heartwarming, although clumsy, embrace. He had whispered some things she hadn't caught into the crown of her head. Then, he had made her gaze into his reddened and half-lidded eyes and whispered 'You're a wonderful woman, Gohama.'. 'You're a fool, Hansuke.' she answered back. And even in the morning, her lips still curled into a smile as she remembered. Smile that she quickly hid behind her mug when Kisamaru brought her back to the engawa with his voice.

"Sensei is also proud of you, Gohama."

She stopped blowing on the hot liquid. "He's been your sensei since you were twelve. It's not the same."

"No, it's not. But nothing about your relationship with Hansuke-sensei is the same as our relationship with him."

Gohama narrowed her eyes on him. What had he meant with those words? His matter-of-fact tone didn't give her any clue on what he thought about Hansuke and her.

"Why do you still call him sensei? You're a jonin now. Even as chunin, he technically wasn't your teacher anymore."

He tilted his head up against the frail rays of the sun, his dark braid sliding off his shoulder. "Even if we are equals, Hansuke-sensei will always be the person that taught me and guided me through my first years as a Konoha shinobi. I am very thankful for that role of his in my life, even if today he also has the one of friend. The honorific severs as respect and recognition."

She smiled wistfully and remembered the two years with Katsuo-sensei in the Arms. He would have been proud of her and she was grateful for his short presence in her life. "Well, I definitely can't argue with that." She said softly.

The two Hyuga and Kyura stayed silent, while enjoying the tranquillity of the late summer morning and the comfort of each other's company. When the two of them ended up alone, they never talked much. Gohama appreciated the simplicity of their companionship. She knew that if she talked, Kisamaru would listen and he knew the same about her, but they usually chose silence. There was a quiet understanding between them, even if neither could quite pinpoint where that understanding fell in themselves or their lives. Maybe it was because they were both from brother clans, raised in similar values and obligations that shaped their lives and persons.

All she knew was that the ancient animosity between Hyuga and Kyura was absurd. The legend talked of a schism between two siblings and of one bloodline limit made into two. Maybe Gohama and Kisamaru could finally achieve what the mythical father had wanted for their children, companionship in life and in battle. Maybe that was what the founding legend had been trying to teach them through the years, of a union between two clans. It left a heavy weight in her guts to think of the Kyura's birth as one made in hate and division, in a lasting war with an empty armistice. But nothing could be done now. The sister clan was dead and Gohama was just Gohama. The enmity would fade through time, but with no reconciliation.

Kisamaru sighed serenely beside her. "This is nice," he started honestly "but we should get ready for training."

Gohama chuckled at his antics. "Even hangover and on a leave, we can never be late, right Kisa-chan?"

"For that, I'll leave the waking up to you, Kyura."

She picked herself up and left for the living room. She started with the splotch of orange against the white sheets. With light slaps against his cheek and yanking the duvet away from him, Gohama called for him loudly and sweetly.

"Gohama… Why do you hate us so much…?" Nikato whined against his pillow.

"I made you coffee, you ungrateful brat." She answered with another slap, this time to the back of his head.

"Yes… but it's 6am…"

"It's nine and Hyuga's already freaking out. So, it's time to wake up and train like the Jonin we are."

Nikato grinned and gained strength. She knew that would give him some willpower. "Hansuke-sensei. Or should I say Hansuke-taicho…" he called playfully from his futon.

"Or maybe just Hansuke." Gohama added.

He sat up, his hair an orange chaos in a fight against gravity, and cradled his aching head. "That's just you because you're rude."

"That's what Hansuke makes you think. In truth, it's because I'm his favourite." She crouched beside Hansuke's futon and stroked down his light brown hairs that were sticking out. "Right, Suke-chan?"

"Mmm…" he mumbled under his pillow.

"You're our team leader. You should be exemplar." Gohama jokingly scolded as one would a child.

"I'm too old for three days of drinking…" Even she could feel his voice grating against a dry throat.

"You do know you're just 22, Sensei."

"Well, I feel like I'm ninety…"

"Ninety or not, don't make me wake you up. In Snow Country, we put snow in the futons of children who won't leave bed. I'm sure cold water will do just fine."

When her intimidation didn't provoke any reaction, Nikato said "I think he fell asleep again." A light snore conformed his assessment.

Gohama went outside to fill a bucket of cold, morning water. She approached the sleeping nin and whispered by his ear. "Suke-chan…" he jolted lightly and tensed up "you should know my threats are never empty. It's better if you get out of bed now."

He cracked one bloodshot hazel eye open to look at her. "You wouldn't dare…"

"As you wish." She tilted the bucket over and dropped half of it on his head. Hansuke gasped in shock and coldness. He stood up in a flash and stared at her with irritated and hostile eyes. Nikato and Gohama just laughed at the wet cat image he gave them.

"This wasn't very smart. You do know one of my natures is water."

She ignored his threats. "Good, you're awake. There's coffee on the counter."

He quickly tried to grab the bucket, but she swerved away. Hansuke started running after her around the house. Even if Hansuke was still faster than her, Gohama could evade him while using the counters and table as shields. His glare from the other side of the dining room table changed. A flicker of mischief and determination filled his hazel and she knew what he was going to do. Her eyes moved to his hands and there it was. The water release hand seals.

"Hey, that's not fair, Hansuke. No ninjutsu."

He ignored her and continued. The water inside the bucket rose to target her. She deviated the water with her chakra and dropped the bucket. The water ended up falling over a quietly drinking Nikato. He mumbled his displeasure, but they were too focussed on winning over the other to pay attention. Seeing himself ignored, Nikato left for a shower.

Gohama jumped backwards over the kitchen counter to get another layer of safety between herself. Hansuke was going all out in their playful quarrel. He moved towards her and she fled to the dining room again. Only he hadn't been after her, but after the wire inside the kitchen drawers. It was too late. Before she could make a run towards the living room, Hansuke had already pinned her down on the floor.

He gifted her one of his victorious smirks.

"This is no fun. You're a cheater, Suke-chan."

"You shouldn't disrespect your seniors, dolly-chan." he answered playfully, looking down on her from his triumphant standing position. The V-line of his jaw in the perfect spot for her to admire it.

Without another warning besides a boyish grin, Hansuke dropped the remaining water inside the bucket over her head. Even if the sudden jolt of cold water did truly bit her, Gohama made a show of gasping and twisting to distract him from her kunai laden hand, moving to cut the wire.

"Then, good thing we're equal now."

With those words, Gohama kicked his ankles hard, so he would fall. When Hansuke hit the ground, she locked him under her weight. Their situation made her suddenly aware of his bare and hard chest below her. He had goose bumps from the cold water.

"You have no water."

"I still have my soaking hair." She pulled her dark hair to the side and squeezed it so it would drip over Hansuke's face.

"Is that it?" he laughed. The rumble of it vibrating through his chest onto her skin.

She smirked. "I also have water nature."

"No ninjutsu."

Her hands snapped together with a smack, already in position for the seals. His own large hands moved to grip her wrists. They tugged and struggled and rubbed, trying to win over the other.

Realisation hit Hansuke and his eyes widened. "Gohama, no. Not that jutsu. You'll flood my home."

With renewed purposed he turned them over, and ended up straddling her hips. He managed to pin both her hands to the floor next to her head. But it was too late. They both panted from the exercise and the excitement. There was tension from the anticipation over the jutsu and the pull they both fell towards one another.

A freezing wave washed over both of them. They were under water for a moment, but neither broke their position. Hansuke had become so much nearer to her. His chest touched her own with the first deep breath they both took as the water flowed away. They shared a long look. Gohama felt a trill run down the length of her spine from the intensity in his hazel eyes. This was the point he would turn either way. She could feel his hesitation, but it was weaker than the other time. Maybe her being a jonin made things simpler. She didn't want to think about it, she couldn't leave space for thoughts now. Not when every nerve of her skin was sensitive to everything Hansuke. His chakra, his scent, his warmth.

With the tilt of his gaze to her lips, Hansuke made his decision. "Gohama. I'm going to kiss you." It came as a warning, but Gohama already knew.

Still, her pulse fastened under the grip of his hands at his words. His hair dripping over her face as he slowly leaned towards her. She closed her eyes, excitingly waiting for the feel of his parted lips. All her being ached for the taste of his lips on hers.

But then she sensed a chakra signature approaching, Kisamaru's chakra. Gohama jerked away from Hansuke. He stumbled ungracefully into his bottom and stared at her in confusion and hurt. Gohama gave him only and apologetic smile and glared at the sliding door leading to the backyard. That Hyuga would pay for interrupting them.

Who knew when the circumstances would fall into the perfect situation? Hansuke would never kiss her in a spontaneous gesture because he wanted to. He may want to in every moment with her, just as she wanted him. But he would only ever kiss her if their pull were so tantalising he couldn't not kiss her. And Gohama would never push him on it. She knew he wanted more than a kiss, more than sex, more than anything she could give him. So, she had reasoned with herself since that night on his engawa that she would never proposedly tempt him. But she was too weak to say no, if he said yes.

Kisamaru's head peeked inside at them. "Have you two stopped playing?" He said impatiently. "We need to start training. Nikato and I are leaving. Meet us there, okay? And who flooded the house, was it you, Gohama?"

"Maybe."

He left and so did the other chakra shadow on the backyard.

Gohama turned fearfully back to Hansuke, unsure of how he was reacting. "Do you think he saw us?" She asked a neutral question.

"No, I don't think he knows playing can have a not so innocent meaning." Hansuke joked.

Gohama laughed, a little in relief, seeing as he had no resent for her pushing him away.

"Don't laugh like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you're the happiest girl in the world for hearing my joke…"

"Do you prefer when I'm wallowing over the miseries of the world?"

"Obviously not. It's just that… Just forget it… We should go shower." She raised both eyebrows at him, with an amused glint to her eyes. "A separate shower, Gohama… Obviously…" he corrected with a light blush. "You can go first while I clean the mess you made. But before, do you want to talk about it?"

"About how once again you left me high and dry?" she accused playfully.

"This time you were the one that threw me away from you." He said with no accusation behind.

Gohama averted her eyes from him and asked quietly, "Would you have done it, this time?"

"Go shower, Gohama."

She stood up and pretended not to be hurt by his lack of an answer.

A quick hard punch grazed Gohama's cheek. She halted mid dodging to stare at her sparing mate with a quirked brow. "No bitch slap fighting, today?"

Hyuga sent her a glare at the lame mid-fight trash talk and attacked her again with regular taijustu. Before they could truly immerse themselves in their spar, a falcon called above them. The four of them looked up at the bird, flying against the clear sky, making out the codded sound.

"It's for you, Gohama." Kisamaru said first.

The falcon finished the summoning call and left. It was for her, but Gohama had no idea why. Her team was still on a leave and she hadn't gotten herself into any situation that would require Tsunade's intervention. With a shrug, she turned on heels, sent a goodbye wave over her shoulder and sped towards the Hokage Tower.

When she reached the door of Tsunade's office, a voice came from inside, "Come in."

She opened the door and two powerful chakra signatures flooded her senses. The Hokage, as always, sat behind her desk. Kakashi stood in the middle of the room, his spine straighter than usual. So, it wasn't a mission. Tsunade was actually going to approach their clash during the pre-selection and exam.

Gohama bowed at the neck. "Hokage-sama." she glanced over the man "Kakashi."

"Gohama, good you were fast. Unlike other jonin." She sent the Copy-nin a glare "Congratulations again."

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama."

"I know your leave was scheduled to end next week, but there's an important mission I need you to take. You will go with Kakashi."

Her brows rose in surprise. Tsunade was actually going to send her on a mission and with Hatake Kakashi. Had he been the one to ask for it, since he didn't trust her capacity for being jonin?

"Well, this is awkward." Gohama joked.

"I am aware of your… clash… during the Jonin pre-admission. But I hope you will be professional about it. Now, back to the briefing. This will be your first S-rank mission."

Gohama's heart jumped in excitement. She had dreamed of taking a thrilling and dangerous S-rank mission that would strain her abilities to the max. She never expected it to be so soon. Her ego accepted it gladly.

"However, this is not the typical type, it's a seduction mission."

Gohama hesitated. She had missions where she had to seduce men, but it had been something light and quick, just one of many possible ways of securing the success of a mission. Her purpose had never been to seduce and have sex with a target. The missions' name was a euphemism. They were usually reserved for ANBU.

Gohama was a virgin. She had never given much importance to romance and sex. It was simply a tool practical for her kunoichi's work. Gohama had never needed to use it all the way, so she had never needed to have sex. She wasn't naïve and romantic, she didn't really care about whom she lost her virginity to. She was completely open to the idea of using her sexuality as a tool, detached from any emotional tangles that usually came with it. Her body was a fighting tool and therefore it could also be a sexual one.

Still, when she heard Tsunade's words, a cold grip surrounded her guts and her indifference shattered slightly. Was she hesitant because of her lack of experience and possible liability? Or because of the idea of giving herself to someone else?

"Tsunade-sama, I don't think I'm the right kunoichi for this mission."

"Why not?"

"I'm a virgin." Gohama said stated matter-of-factly.

She had no restraints or embarrassments over the fact unlike other women and girls her age. She felt Kakashi's body tense up at her revelation.

"You are? I didn't expect that."

Gohama frowned. "Why not?"

"There's an air about you… I don't know." Tsunade dismissed her previous failed assessment with a shake of her head "I suppose I overlooked an important point. Well, you are essential for the mission, but I'm reluctant about forcing you into something like this."

"Essential how?"

"Well, you're the target's type. And I don't mean your physical appearance. I mean all of you as Kyura Gohama."

"So, he has heard about me and has a fascination?"

"Yes. A contact of ours said he expressed his interest repeatedly and eagerly."

The skin of her arms burst with goose bumps and a disgusted chill ran down her back. Not even her chakra shield could protect her from how dirty and exposed Gohama felt. There was nothing pleasing or praising about knowing a random man had a fetish about her.

"He'll suspect if I appear in front of him out of nowhere."

"Of course he will. But he'll take the risk, as I said he's very eager."

Kakashi shifting on his feet, captured her attention away from the tightening of her guts.

"What will Kakashi be doing there?"

"He's your handler, accompanying and supporting you in case things turn sour. There are few seduction missions taken solo and never an S-rank one."

"I assume the target is a high-level shinobi."

"Yes. You can find all the information we have on the mission scroll. But I have to warn you, he's violent; you do understand what I mean?"

"I'm a virgin not naïve."

"Yes. So, do you think you can take this mission?"

Even if her own body was betraying her, Gohama already knew where her mind was set. Ambition had always ruled over fear. She was a kunoichi of the Leaf now, her warrior duty asked her to take the mission, asked her to give that part of herself she had never cared much about. But maybe now was different… There was Hansuke and he made things different. She hadn't pushed for it because she would never put her desire above the safe dynamic of their relationship. As now she wouldn't put her self-preservation above a mission.

"Yes."

"Gohama, you don't have to accept the mission." Kakashi finally spoke beside her, his tone stern.

"You don't have a say on my decisions."

The faint sound of stretching fabric reached her ears. From the corner of her eyes, she searched for his hid hands, shoved deep in his pockets. "This mission. You don't understand what it's asking of you…"

Her gaze was focussed on the window in front of her, her own hands balling into fists by her sides. "You always say that when you coward away. 'You don't understand'. You always treat me like I'm a child too innocent, too protected. Unfortunately, that's not the case."

"Don't you see that's why I'm like this?"

She finally turned to him. "Then stop it!"

Kakashi continued to avoid looking at her. "If I do, you'll just push yourself to the limit. That's why I didn't want you to be a Jonin and I don't want to you take this mission."

"I don't care about what you want. This is my want, my duty."

"You say that. But this isn't about the good of the Village. This is about you, and you wanting to prove yourself."

"I don't need to prove myself to anyone, much less to you."

"It's not to me, nor to the Hokage or the Village. It's to you. You want to prove yourself to you."

Again, he hit the spot. How did he always know…? Gohama prided herself in her privacy. It was good for a ninja not to let others know you, especially your weaknesses. She had always tried to protect herself from others, it was safer this way, less painful and vulnerable. She couldn't handle how he read her and used that against her.

She turned towards Tsunade. "Considering the nature of this mission, I would be more comfortable if Hansuke accompanied me."

"I'm sorry, Gohama. But I can't break a full jonin team with so much demand. I trust Kakashi to do this. He's one of the best Konoha shinobi, if not the best. The target is of very high risk and this is your first mission as a jonin. Accepting, includes Kakashi as the team leader."

Gohama chuckled dryly. "I'm the one doing all the work, shouldn't I be team leader?"

"He's more experienced. Do you take the mission?"

"Don't take it, Gohama. Proving yourself this way will only shatter you more. It won't make you stronger."

"You do know your annoying begging will only make me want this more?"

"I know, but I have to try." he was resigned.

Tsunade waited to see if anyone would add another comment. The silence remained, with no less tension, cut only by Godaime's sigh. "Now, that the couple stopped fighting we can continue. The target his Dazai Kenta. He's a missing-nin from Mist. Ruthless and powerful. The scroll has what we know about him. You two are to go to Kiku, the gambling city. He lives there. You'll go as each other. You are to pretend you are there on business under my orders, after a mission nearby. Business being examining the city to see if it's worth my interest. Gohama you are to seduce him and assassinate him. All means necessary. Kakashi you are to protect Gohama…" Tsunade hesitated "…above the mission. The Village can't afford to lose her. Study the scroll together and chose the best approach. You leave tomorrow. Be careful, both of you. And don't kill each other. Now, get out."

With no hesitation, Gohama turned on her heels and left. She really didn't want to deal with Kakashi now. Once out of the Hokage's office, Kakashi, seeing her sneakily leave, managed grabbed her arm. "Gohama." she looked at him with the most annoyed glare she could muster. "If you need anything, I mean anything, from me, just ask."

Gohama shook him off and turned away. "Meet you by the gates. 6 am."

At her apartment, Gohama packed her things to leave. She had borrowed elegant dresses from the Jonin HQ gear room. The gear varied from any type of weapon to stiletto high heels, all left there from other jonin that didn't need them anymore. It was always risky considering the unknown origin of the garments, but Gohama didn't think clothes she would never wear again were worth her money. Still, Dazai would be in a luxurious casino, if she wanted to stand out she would need to dress beautifully.

While mentally ticking everything to pack, she tried to keep her mind away from the mission. After reading the scroll, a nervous agitation had settled in her stomach. It was her first S-rank mission, her first as a jonin. She couldn't fail. But Dazai was the most powerful man she ever had to kill. He would be suspicious. He would do everything to fuck her without endangering himself. To fuck her… he was a sadist. How could she deal with that? Gohama couldn't stand getting her ass kicked on a fight, much less in bed. The vulnerability and helplessness she would feel… she could already sense their bitter taste.

It was okay. Her summoning weapons ability was perfect for this type of missions. She could kill him before he even touched her. Taking someone to their own bed was already letting the guard down. She could pretend to be caressing him and then slit his throat. Yes. She could do this. She wouldn't let him beat her up and dominate her. It was one of her simplest missions if she thought about it. She wouldn't have to do much seducing, considering he was already horny for her. That was his weakness and she would prey on it. She had the upper hand, she was in control.

Then why wouldn't this uneasiness leave her? Why was it only getting heavier as the hours passed? Was she actually afraid? Of the threat of Danzai or of losing her virginity to him? She had never cared about it. She had never tried to save herself for anyone. It just had never happened because she hadn't been interested in sex. Still, she was afraid Danzai would murder sex for her. 'You don't understand what it's asking of you…' she remembered Kakashi's words. He was, unfortunately, right. She didn't know what it would mean and do to her. She had never cared about it, so she had never contemplated what sex meant to her. Before Hansuke, it was just a tool. But now… After that morning, after that night on his engawa, that day by the river back, all their little touches were a promise of something greater. Gohama wanted Hansuke.

Her heart sank.

No. She was becoming sentimental. Her body was a tool, sex was a tool, she was a tool. She had to be rational and practical. She couldn't mourn after an insipid first time. There would come others, some good, some bad. What did it matter if the first was with a murderous, disgusting missing-nin she didn't even know?

What if Hansuke would stop wanting her after what she had done? What if he would see her differently, dirty and worn? She was being irrational again. She chuckled with disdain. This was what emotions did. They created doubts and complicated things. She had to be stoic. She was stoic, so she wouldn't let herself crumble. Not before her first jonin mission.

Now, she would go to bed, tomorrow would be a long travelling day.

It was two in the morning, four hours had passed and she couldn't fall asleep. The fear and anxiety were becoming unbearable. She couldn't keep her mind blank. Dazai and Hansuke, even Kakashi, kept floating into her thoughts. She had to have sex. She had to know what it was like before sleeping with Dazai. She had no experience. The man would see this right away. He would probably ravish himself on the idea of being his fetish's first, but what if she couldn't please him? What if he wanted to stop having sex before she could kill him? She kept shivering at the thought of laying with that man. It felt repulsive and she was just imagining it.

Her breathing became uneven, her heart ready to make a break from her chest. Kakashi, with his parting words, had basically offered to take her virginity. The prospect was much better than Dazai. She already knew he kissed well, she had liked kissing him, maybe too much. However, she knew whom she wanted. Now, she longed for him more than ever. She trusted him with her life. It was difficult to admit she had actually let herself trust, but she did. She wanted to trust her body to him too.

Could Gohama really ask him that? She had already reasoned with herself that she would only take what Hansuke gave freely. But now she would have to ask him. Could she ask him that? And if he said no… It would her hurt her and she hated herself for that. But Gohama couldn't hesitate, she couldn't be weak. Not now. She knew she would regret not trying. She wanted Hansuke to be her first.

Gohama reached his home. She could sense his chakra shadow on the dining table. She sighed in both relief and apprehension, he was alone, she had no excuse. She slid his door open and shyly leaned against the doorframe of his dining room. He was writing something, probably reports and still hadn't noticed her.

"Hansuke." she whispered.

He lifted his head and smiled at her. Even if it had been small, the comfort just from seeing his smile was there.

"The sneakiness of a jonin. What are you doing here? Is that Toshi?" he pointed to the aquarium she had under her arm.

"Can you take care of him?"

"Of course." He assured softly. "So you're leaving for a mission."

"In the morning."

"The Hokage couldn't wait to put you on the field. It doesn't surprise me. Rank?"

"S…"

His eyes widened, but there was also concern in them. "S? So soon… I don't know if I like it. Who's going with you?"

"Hatake Kakashi."

"That's a bit reassuring, at least…" He never asked her what the mission was. An S-rank was always confidential, but it would be so much easier if he asked and she answered. Gohama didn't want to take initiative.

His scrutinizing gaze was heavy on her skin, it made goose bumps break all over her arms and back. Gohama tried to appear blank, but she knew he already knew she was nervous, she could never fool him.

"Why are you standing there, come in. I'll make some tea."

She approached him and sat next to him, setting the bowl on the dining table. Taking particular interest in Toshi's motions across the water. "It's okay, you don't need to make tea. I just want to ask you something." she forced a casual tone.

"What's wrong? Is it Kakashi? I know it may be hard to—"

"No, it's not Kakashi."

He brushed his knuckles, feather lightly, against her arm. "You can talk to me, Gohama."

She kept her eyes on the fish, while her hands smoothed over the already perfectly polished, although scratched table. Her heart was pounding. She was sure he could hear it. "The mission. It's a seduction mission… Have you ever taken one?"

"I did. But only in ANBU when I had no choice."

That made her head snap up to him. Hansuke had been fifteen in the year he had left ANBU. "What? You were just a kid."

"Some men like that…" The sad tilt to his voice combined with his eyes made her heart clench.

Gohama squeezed his hand and he moved to intertwine his fingers with hers. She kept her gaze on them. He had taken missions with men when he was just a kid and she was afraid… She felt pathetic and sick.

"You shouldn't have accepted it. You can still go back. Is that why you're here?"

"No." she said assertively. "I want to do it." Want was a strong word, she didn't desire it, but she had to. As a Konoha shinobi she wanted to follow her duty. Dazai was almost untouchable, she was the only who could sneak into one of the few crevices in his defense.

"Then why did you come?" The dreaded question asked for the dreaded answer.

"Kakashi said something and I can't stop thinking about it. He said I didn't understand what it was asking of me. And I don't…. or at least I didn't… and maybe I understand now… After thinking. I never thought much about sex." Hansuke's hand tensed against hers. "I saw it only as a tool. But now I don't know anymore… It's still a tool, but it can also be something more… And… and now I don't know where I was going with this…"

"Look at me, Gohama." He used a finger to coax her chin up. "What do you want to tell me?"

That she wanted to have sex with him, really really wanted to.

"I'm still a virgin." His eyes widened at her bluntness and his finger dropped away from her face. "Why are you so surprised?"

"I'm just surprised that's what you wanted to tell me…" His hand, still holding hers, was getting damp and his cheeks had turned pinkish. She couldn't read what he thought about her lack of experience. "Kakashi is right. The mission is asking more of you than you can understand."

"Well…That's why I came here…" She said hesitantly. Gohama sounded like a kid talking to her crush. "Hansuke… I want you to have sex with me." Real smooth, Gohama.

He gasped and got up, turning his back on her. He passed a trembling hand through his light locks and let out a deep sigh. His reaction stung.

"Please don't freak out and try to understand…"

"You can't ask that of me…" his voice was strained. "You can still say no to the mission."

"You don't understand, do you?" She could already feel her outrage bubbling in her chest, as it always did. "I'll do this mission whether I sleep with you first or not."

"Then why are you asking me this?"

"Would you actually let me give my virginity away to some raping unknown guy…?" She couldn't mask the hurt out of her voice.

She felt his chakra sway but he didn't answer. Gohama could feel herself crumbling, being torn apart by his no. She had been afraid of this and she had been right. But it hurt more than she had thought it would. Why was she so sentimental about this? It was reasonable of him to say no… Her hope faded away. She turned away to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know…"

"Gohama… I…" There was a pleading note to his voice.

She didn't care about any of this. She would take the mission and let Danzai be her first and fuck her hard, she would kill him and then come back. It would crush her, but she was used to it. She no longer cared, she just wanted the pain to come and settle. Anticipation was the worst part.

He grasped her wrist before she could walk farther away. And then he laced his fingers with hers as he had done before. She gave him a hopeful look over her shoulder. His gaze had gained an intensity that wasn't there before, but she could still see the no marked there.

"I thought you wanted me." her soft voice left in a whisper.

Hansuke pulled her towards him and she relished in the feel of his chakra rippling against her skin, of his masculine and safe scent. This time there wasn't the overwhelming exhilaration of that morning, just the comfortable warmth and steady presence. He tilted her head to look at him.

"Gohama…" he exhaled "I want you. More than anything. But I can't do it. Not like this…"

"Why is it different?"

"I feel like I'll be taking advantage of you…"

"I'm the one asking. I'm the one taking advantage of your pity."

"I don't pity you, Gohama. I… I care about you. I don't want you to take this mission, not out of jealousy, but because I know how it will hurt you. So, please give it up…"

"You know I won't. Hansuke… I wouldn't want to sleep with you just because of the mission. I have all of Konoha men for that. I came here because I want you."

She felt his hands curl in her hair. "Don't say that…" he hissed against her forehead and the tingles his lips left on her skin made her stomach flutter.

His voice was strained again. When he looked down at her again, his gaze had shifted, the same has it had done those times before. Gohama laid her hands on his chest.

"Hansuke. I want you to be my first."

I think I should talk a little about that deeper glimpse of Gohama's perception of her relationship with Kisamaru. Her companionship with Kisamaru is mostly seen in light of their relations as Hyuga and Kyura; even if at heart it is more about two teammates that find company in each other. With this I tried to show that Gohama isn't Gohama without being a Kyura first. Her identity was built inside that Kyura box, so her relationship with the world is ruled and molded by that. Hansuke is the one that can sometimes bring her out of that box.