Part IV | Chapter 1

"Kakashi!" she screamed "Kakashi, please!"

His back continued to fade with indifference, his slouch the same as always as she screamed for him, the thuds of his steps thinner and thinner in the air. Kakashi was abandoning her. All she ever saw was his lean back, the knot of his crooked hitai-ate, the grey of his wild hair. Still, couldn't Kakashi hear her? She had never screamed so louder.

Her body continued to be torn apart, her strength lost somewhere she couldn't find it and Kakashi just left her. She had trusted him and Kakashi had left her.

The wave of force crashed onto her back and the calls dried in her throat. That stench of cologne burned its way down her nose and lungs. The boiling chakra, a mix of fire and water, thrust into every nerve on her skin and deeper, so much deeper, she thought it would tear her apart from inside out. She tried to twist away from his grasp but couldn't move.

She continued to call Kakashi's name to the wind. Her voice vanishing into howls, whines, whispers.

"Kakashi, please come back for me… please…" she prayed as the cologne and chakra continued to consume her and break her and she continued to drown in her own blood and vomit. It didn't affect his forceful rhythm. "Don't leave… Kakashi… come back for me…"

But Kakashi left. His back always left until she couldn't sense his safe chakra anymore, she couldn't see the tiny spot, as it became one with the vanishing point.

Her body jolted, the violent touch disappeared, and the soft light of the moon met her eyes.

It had been one of her typical nightmares. Even her sleeping subconscious already knew it was experiencing a repeated scene. Still, the chemical horror spreading through her veins never vanished completely when she woke up. Raising up from her bed, she took some unstable steps towards a new dresser she had bought mainly for settling Toshi's bowl of water. She picked it up and went to her living room, she sat on the sofa and Toshi on the coffee table.

"Sorry for waking you up again, Toshi-kun. It's the same as always I'm afraid." scrambling through the things on her coffee table, she picked up a blue sheet "Tonight I'll go for a little origami. Another fish, what do you think?"

When she couldn't force herself to go back to sleep again, Gohama took Toshi with her to the living room and entertained herself with small, thoughtless activities. Her most chosen ones where origami and solitary card game. Sometimes she played shoji, did some push-ups and abdominal work, trained building a card castle with only her chakra, went for a walk or training when she couldn't blank her mind. Anything that took her thoughts away from her nightmares, especially the reason for them. If she didn't think about it, it wouldn't affect her.

"Any wise tips on how not to be aware? Hm, Toshi-kun?" she asked absently while pressing a crease with her nail into the paper, back and forth "I suppose the short memory thing helps. I've come to realised awareness is the root of all problems. Obviously without it people wouldn't be humans, but is it so bad to be a fish? You know, just swim around, eat, sleep, forget every little thing you saw moments before. I'm sure the memory thing is just a myth, though. I mean, how could you survive if you forgot a predator was chasing you? In the shinobi world, you'd die right on your first real mission. Weird things memories… Sometimes I think it would be best to forget about everything… But that's just the weak part of me talking, I could never renounce to my memories, they may be heavy but I could never do that to them." she finished the last crease and admired her work "There another friend for you" she said, putting the origami at the fish's eye level and then throwing it into the bin full of other paper animals.

Gohama slumped against the back of the couch and looked up at the ceiling with a heavy sigh. Her eyes dropped to her fish as it swam around meaninglessly in a bowl. It wasn't an aquarium, it was a glass bowl full of water with sand on the bottom and a plastic green thing pretending to be a seaweed.

Poor Toshi, he would probably be happier, not that fish could be happy, but, at least, biologically satisfied, if he was free in some stream somewhere open to life's common dangers. Could he even tell the difference? He was fed and he was a fish. Did that little brain of his grasp the difference between a bowl and a river? Maybe it did. But she had actually grown attached to the goldfish.

Happiness was overrated, anyway.

He was a good listener who didn't listen and didn't understand. Still, it made her feel less ridiculous to talk to him than to the empty walls, even if maybe it made her more insane. At least, the small flicker of chakra was a presence, and not a smothering one.

A fucking fish, she spent her nights talking to a fucking fish, and the worst part was that it actually helped her forget a little.

Her hand brushed harshly over her face and fell heavily to her side.

"I'm so fucked up…" Gohama breathed to the ceiling stain.

A bird chirped insistently on her windowsill. Gohama woke up with the foggy feeling of an annoying noise yanking her out of her sleep. There was nothing like dreamless sleep, it was the peak of obliviousness where she could truly rest and forget. She woke up cursing at the little bird and her stiff neck from falling asleep on the sofa.

Tsunade was summoning her and she took her time leaving her apartment. Between breakfast, a shower, feeding Toshi and masking the dark circles under her eyes, none of which she would renounce to, it had passed even more time than what Nikato would deem acceptable. Today, she was in a mood not to care.

When she reached the Hokage Tower, her team was already inside Tsunade's office. She opened the door and slid into the room. The Hokage decided to ignore her tardiness and continued with her briefing.

"…you leave today as soon as possible. The missing-nin will probably already be on the move. Here's your scroll." she extended her hand for Hansuke to take it.

"Aren't missing nin ANBU's jurisdiction?" Gohama asked.

Tsunade gave her a pointed glare. "If you hadn't been late, you'd have known why I'm assigning you this mission. It's only a B-rank, there's no need to send ANBU. Hansuke, fill in Kyura outside. Off my office now." she made a shooing gesture with her hands.

"Actually, Tsunade-sama, I was wondering if I could speak with you."

She raised an eyebrow at her and nodded in agreement. Her team remained in the same spot, waiting for her to talk. Gohama turned to glare at them over the shoulder. Hansuke understood the message, cleared his throat, and with a tilt of his head ordered the boys to leave with him.

Last night, before falling asleep again, Gohama had pondered on other activities she could do during her insomnia. Knitting had almost been her chosen hobby. The repeating hand works would probably do the same as sharpening her weapons, clear her mind and make her oblivious for a few moments. However, unlike sharpening her weapons, which were now perfectly maintained and could cut through paper, knitting was useless. She could make some scarfs for the boys, some mismatched winter socks for Nikato, but it wouldn't bring any of them any improvement.

Gohama had to seize the opportunity of ridiculous amounts of time to better herself as a kunoichi. It could be a blessing in disguise. There were two Kyura fields she was undeveloped in, ninja medicine and fuinjustu. She knew how to probe her body for injuries and heal small cuts, but that was so diminutive comparing to the vast Kyura knowledge of chakra medicine. She also knew how to master locking seals, the ones she used on her own apartment, but the Kyura fuinjutsu extended through branches still unexplored by her.

In the end, she had decided on fuinjutsu. Mother had been one of the clan's fuinjutsu masters, it would be great to honour her memory by deepening her skill. However, even if Gohama didn't consciously admit to it, her first S-rank mission had pushed her into the sealing field. Besides the chakra shackles, her major weakness had been the window seal. Maybe if she had had enough knowledge she could have broken it without his needed chakra.

All she required to start her late night studies was the Kyura fuinjutsu scrolls, hidden in Bukigakure. Gohama refused to return to her Village, but she could ask Uncle to gather them for her. He had gone there right after the Massacre and brought her the forgotten ninjato that had killed Mother, the first book Mother had offered Gohama and a family photograph she kept inside that same book. He had also brought practical documents that proved Gohama's identity and shinobi scrolls used on their training at the monastery.

Maybe it was selfish to ask Uncle to return there only because she couldn't go herself, especially when she knew he wouldn't say no to her, even if he dreaded it more than her. But she was in a selfish streak. And it really would do her good to meet him again. Her missing had been particularly merciless for the past weeks.

"Spill it, girl, what do you want?"

"Permission for a few days leave to meet my uncle."

"And why would you want to meet your uncle?"

"For his company. Despite common belief, I do have a heart."

Tsunade leaned against the chair and sighed. Gohama knew that gesture, it was the "this is a bother for me, but okay" gesture. It was only more accentuated when she took a bottle of sake from under her table. Which Tsunade did now, along with two white cups. She was even sharing. That was definitely a first. What had happened in Konoha over night?

"Do you intend to meet him at the Land of Snow?" she asked while serving one of the cups and glancing at her questioningly with a tilted bottle in one hand. Gohama nodded and sat on the chair in front of her desk.

"No, I was thinking of asking him to meet me halfway, in the Land of Fire. Fewer days of journey and" Gohama smirked at the Hokage "it's less of a bother for the ANBU you'll send to stalk us."

"That's thoughtful of you." Tsunade deadpanned and downed her cup "Okay, after the mission you can go. The Council won't be happy if they find out."

"What a surprise. They've always wished I was in some glass box only brought out of the cabinet for the other Villages to see." Gohama sighed and shrugged "I guess when you're pretty you're pretty…" she raised her glass at her words and downed it.

Tsunade snorted at her mocking self-praise and narrowed her eyes intently. "You know, Kyura, there's a lot of your great grandmother in you."

Gohama's heart skipped a beat at the mention of her great grandmother. She had never met her, but she still loved her, that blend of respect and pride, a distant love for family one only knew through stories. As every Kyura, Gohama felt the bond of name and blood alive in her and, through it, every Kyura that had come before.

"There's a lot of every Kyura in me, it's called inbreeding." she dismissed the Hokage's comment.

"That is true," Tsunade agreed humorously with a pointing finger "but I don't mean it just physically. I mean in that obnoxious stubbornness when everything has to be done your way."

Gohama drank another glass of sake in one go. "Thanks, I love it when people call me a spoiled brat."

"You are a spoiled, cheeky brat and," with a sigh she added "damn, you can't take a compliment…" with exasperation she downed another cup.

"That was a compliment?" Gohama asked amused "I pity the people you insult, Hokage-sama."

"Can you just listen to me, girl?!" Tsunade's temper showed through her irritation, Gohama both grimaced and smirked "Your great grandmother was one tough, stubborn woman. In a time where kunoichi were considered weak and not cut for anything other than seduction missions and medicine, she developed a fighting style that made her stronger than any man. She fought for her recognition as a powerful kunoichi and medic. She showed the manly shinobi world women also belonged in the battlefield.

"And she was one ruthless, effective shisho. I try to follow her teaching methods with Sakura and Shizune, they may hate me during training sessions, but will thank me in the field. That's what it was like with me…"

Tsunade's wistful and caring, within her own narrow range, words ignited Gohama's pride for her clan. It never did fade, but listening to the Hokage's praise of her great grandmother made her will to follow her duty to the Arms and seek greatness mark stronger in her bones, her every cell. Her life was for the Arms and for the Kyura.

Gohama downed another high quality cup of sake. "Thanks for the compliment, Tsunade-sama, but I should go pack now." she said standing up.

"Go, go. If Shizune finds us like this in the morning, she'll take away my sake."

Gohama gave a nod as a parting gesture and left. They may infuriate each other sometimes, but Tsunade wasn't so bad. Still, it was little weird that she would share this after a year, apparently out of nowhere. Maybe the Hokage was going through a nostalgic phase.

"Going on a mission, Kisa-kun?" his mother asked all the way from the kitchen.

Kisamaru finished packing his backpack and walked from his bedroom to the threshold of the kitchen.

"Yes, Mother."

"The onigiri are almost done, you can take some for your team. Even the Kyura girl" then she whispered with playful mischief "Just don't tell your father…"

He took some rice from the bowl and helped his mother mould the grains into triangles. He couldn't be late.

His father, a chunin, spent most of his time on missions away from home or guard duty. With Kisamaru's own team demand, right after arriving home, he was sent away again. His mother couldn't hide her loneliness and protectiveness from him. As a retired kunoichi of Konoha and loyal to her Village and clan, she never pronounced her motherly displeasure and pain, especially every time he left after an almost-deadly mission. If his father were home more often, then her burden might have been relieved slightly. With neither her man nor boy to make her company, the absence and fear was always much more unbearable.

When his mother had heard the bird's chirping at his bedroom window, she had promptly left for the kitchen, as she always did, and had started preparing a rich breakfast Kisamaru would only eat a slice of in his hurry. His mother always closed herself in the kitchen when both her men were on missions. She cooked to fill time and the Hyuga children obliviously thanked when Sayuri-san's husband and son were away.

"Why don't you go back to working at the hospital, Mother?"

"My hands and chakra are not what they were, Kisa-kun." she would always answer him with a cheerful, eye-creased smile.

His mother had been the one to teach him nin medicine since a young boy. His father had argued it was a woman's job to be a medic, but, at least this once, mother had fought him on it and won. Kisamaru knew she had worked at the hospital before he was born and decided to retire from active duty and hospital work. Now, she only healed minor injuries from trainings inside the compound or scrapes from the Hyuga kids when they came to her.

With Kisamaru grown up and independent, there was little need for her to stay home, but still she did. He suspected she was afraid of having him or his father arrive at her stretcher half-dead. He could sympathise with that, still, it pained him to see her waste her gifted hands in frantic cooking and feel her loneliness in the small smiles as she waved goodbye at him from the doorstep of their home.

Soon they finished the onigiri and his mother prepared him a bento box. She accompanied him to the door, as always.

"When is Father back?"

"In a month." she answer quietly and he stayed put at the doorway. She pushed him lightly "Now, go, Kisa-kun, it isn't polite to leave others waiting."

Polite. He bowed and walked down the compound street, turning back at the last moment out of impulse. Maybe he shouldn't have. There they were. The lonely smile and wave goodbye. The life of a shinobi's mother was a cruel one. Sending their children to death.

His father didn't seem to suffer with Kisamaru's sacrifices as a shinobi. Father lived for sacrificing himself, sacrificing his family for the Leaf, for the Hyuga. It was honourable. Kisamaru knew this, but he couldn't help the resentment that had long settled in his heart, since a little boy and now, as the image of his mother waving him goodbye still lingered.

When he graduated from the Academy, when he became a chunin, when he became a jonin, his father always said the same thing, with the same distant palm on his shoulder and solemn voice. «Good job, son. The clan is proud.»

The clan, always the clan.

Kisamaru's life had been bred for the Hyuga, above Konoha, his father raised his life for the Hyuga. Every person in the branch family was bounded to the clan. He loved and cared for the clan with every cell in his body, he would die for the Hyuga and his life belonged to it. However, after entering his team, Konoha had become first in his heart. When he left the Leaf's walls and fought with all his will and strength, it was never for the Hyuga alone, but for all the clans, families and people of his Village.

As he reached the gates and turned to look at the wide square and the colourful rooftops, his devotion only throbbed lounder in his chest.

Kisamaru waited for Gohama's chakra signature, while he leaned against a post, his eyes closed and face soaking in the sun. But Hansuke-sensei arrived first, copying his position, and then Nikato, who boasted for not being the last. When she finally arrived, the ginger's rant became even more obnoxious. Gohama found a way of twisting Nikato's brag and insult him with it. This time Hansuke-sensei wasn't amused, as he always was, by their teammates' playful fights. He called them to attention and they started to run after their target.

For the past few weeks, Gohama had been strange. Kisamaru couldn't pin-point what was different since she came back from her S-rank mission. He and Nikato didn't know anything other than it was an S-rank and she had completed it. She had come to trainings as usual, although gaining a habit of arriving late, and her skill hadn't changed.

She always declined going out with them, even if only for dinner and outside Ippon. Her excuses were that she either was tired or didn't feel like it. Hansuke-sensei never insisted, he usually insisted. So, Nikato and Kisamaru would only tell her and if she wanted she would come, which she never did.

And she was distant, her teasing was the same, but she never initiated it now, she only joked around if they started it. She didn't initiate any talking too. She initiated nothing outside of the necessary for their little time together during trainings.

The last time Gohama had isolated herself it was fully. Now, she did it subtly, covertly, at least she thought she did. Maybe she didn't think at all, maybe she didn't even realise it. It worried him.

They reached the small town the missing-nin had last been sighted. Nikato took a summoning scroll from his pouch and opened it on a rooftop's floor. He bit his thumb and spread a line of blood over the paper. Five beautiful owls appeared in front of them and he offered each one of them a piece of meat and tender caresses.

Nikato had formed this contract through his shinobi godfather, it was useful to the team when tracking or scouting was needed. The animals didn't speak, but their clever and attentive eyes caught the smallest details in the scenery. Once the animals were dispelled, every piece of information was instantly shared with Nikato. They could also call for them through their screeches. At his orders, the owls took flight and the team waited until they returned.

Through their gathered intel, the team learnt there were tracks from a single person, running fast and carelessly, on the northern woods surrounding the town. Gohama and Hansuke-sensei were to follow said tracks and scout the woods, while Nikato and Kisamaru searched the town in case the nin was still there. An owl was left with the first pair to guide them and so they could send a message if they caught the target.

Gohama's eyes lit up faintly as she let the animal rest on her forearm guard and brushed her hand through Chairoko's brown feathers. She had always expressed her admiration and fondness towards Nikato's summons. They were also friendlier with her than they had ever been with him or Sensei, despite more years for growing comfortable. Maybe it was Gohama's general relationship with animals. She had always held a deep respect and complicity with them.

She moved around a forest with the easiness of a deer and the rule of a wolf. Her chakra sense was always accompanied with the study of the fauna's behaviours, and she understood the forest as if she belonged there. Gohama had told them of Bukigakure's hunting tradition. How it was used to train shinobi, but also to deepen a person's connection with their land. They always ate the animals they hunted and they respected their sacrifice and role in the forest's order. It wasn't just for fun or to kill, it was a way of drowning themselves in nature's cycle of life and death.

Kisamaru had been a witness to Gohama's hunting once on a mission when they had lost their rations. The prowess of her archery, she only ever hunt with a bow and arrow, the sleekness of her light, flowing steps and the aim of her shot had been awe inspiring. She truly became part of the forest.

As she had approached the hit hare with her tanto, she had explained to him how sometimes the shot missed the spot, so they killed the animal quickly to stop its suffering. This hare had already been dead when they had reached it. Gohama had kneeled beside the animal and whispered solemn words he hadn't heard. It had reminded him of a time she had joked about everything with the Kyura being some sort of ritual.

Gohama and Sensei parted towards the woods, one of the owls guiding them.

"Gohama's weird." his redhead friend commented as they watched them from the rooftop. If Nikato had also noticed, then it was more worrisome than he had thought. "She looks tired, she's been using makeup to hide her dark circles. She never uses makeup." he turned his face towards Kisamaru to better assess his reaction "What do you think it is?"

Kisamaru hadn't noticed the makeup detail. It was clear Gohama was trying to bottle up whatever it was she was dealing with. He was certain Hansuke-sensei knew what it was and that was why he no longer pushed after her when they went out or joked around. Shouldn't it be the opposite? Shouldn't he be pushing after her even more now, as he always did? Gohama listened to no one besides him.

"Her last mission."

"The S-rank one?" he nodded in confirmation "But she completed it, she's even in the Rogue Bingo Book now." Nikato explained proudly.

The mission had been a success, but something must have happened. They hadn't known of any hospital admissions, so Kisamaru doubted it had been an almost-deadly-mission. Unless it had been hidden from them. What if she had been tortured? Still, she had had no trouble admitting that to them when she was kidnapped. Why hide it now?

There was another possibility, a common one with kunoichi. She was pretty and he knew the men from Konoha desired her that way. It was very likely and the possibility alone made him sick and angry. He glanced at Nikato from the corner of his eye and schooled his expression. His ginger friend didn't need to worry over that.

From now on, Kisamaru would be attentive to tell-tale signs. If his suspicion was true, he wasn't sure what he should do.

Chairoko was flying low, so they could follow her while speeding from branch to branch. Gohama would subtly glance towards Hansuke. He kept his gaze fixed on the owl and ignored her presence. They weren't on the best terms.

During her stay in the hospital, that had thankfully only lasted a night, Hansuke had been comforting and caring. She had told him to lay on the bed with her and he held her as she tried to sleep, saying nothing except how he was there for her and brushing through her hair in calming strokes.

The problem had been when she had left the next day, while he was still sleeping. Gohama knew it had been cruel, but she also knew he would insist on going home with her or her going home with him. She had needed some time and space to deal with things alone.

Hansuke had come to her apartment. She had tried to make him understand, but he hadn't. He had started questioning her and Gohama wasn't ready to tell anyone anything. The mere thought of writing the report had filled her chest with dread. Sometimes he didn't know when he was pushing too much. She knew he was scared and hurting for her, she could see it in his eyes and his voice as he pleaded for her to let him help her. But he couldn't, there was nothing he could help her with.

So they fought, hard and cruelly. Gohama always took a twisted pleasure in riling people going against her wishes and Hansuke was easily riled up. She couldn't remember half of what she had said or what he had said. Only the last moments had stayed and they bitterly repeated themselves in her mind.

"Stop doing that!" he shouted "It's fucking annoying, Gohama."

"What do I do that is so fucking annoying to you?!"

"Saying cruel things just to get me to back off."

"How's that?" she asked with exasperation and pointed her finger at him "Maybe it's because that's all I want! For you to fucking back off!"

"Good for you then!" He spun on his wheel and slammed the door behind him.

Gohama didn't even remember what absurd, cruel thing she had said. But it had worked. She had finally gotten him to leave her alone to deal with things and what she had done was grab a bottle of scotch and look for Toshi. Only when she had seen the empty dresser, had she remembered that she had left him with Nikato's family. She then had flopped on the bed, cracked the bottle open and taken a long burning sip.

Gohama really had hurt him that time. For the next weeks they hadn't spoken other than the necessary during trainings.

It was at that time that she had realised Kakashi was avoiding her. It fucking hurt, but it didn't surprise her. After that mission, she was so fucking disgusted with herself, Kakashi was certainly too. He had been the one to witness it, to comfort her, to ground her, to bathe her. He had seen the marks no longer stuck on her body, but in some lost medical file somewhere. He had seen what a fucking whore she was, he had tried to stop her from whoring herself, but she hadn't listened.

The shame was too sickening and the rejection too searing. Gohama gave him what she owed him, dog biscuits and a poem, and accepted their parting. She was now avoiding him too and soon her broken trust wouldn't hurt anymore. This only made her more pathetic, her trust had no right to ask him anything. She understood why he had left. If she could, Gohama would leave herself too.

Now that Hansuke and Gohama were alone for the first time, she could finally understand the weight of the tension between them. It had never been this uncomfortable. She hated it, she hated herself for ruining their companionship. Above all, Hansuke had always been a soothing presence that masked her loneliness away.

He stopped on a branch and she kept moving. "Gohama, wait." She wasn't the only one having her insides gnawed.

She stopped ahead of him and turned around to look at him. When she saw his face, she quickly averted her eyes. "We have a mission."

"One reason to clear things between us." He said steadily, she didn't like that reason at all. "I have to apologise. I shouldn't have suffocated you after you…" he couldn't finish "I'll still give you the space you need, but I want you to know I'm not backing off." Then, he gave her one of his charming smiles to complement his words "I can't seem to back away from you, Gohama."

"But you should." She answered quietly.

He jumped onto the same branch she was on "You don't want that," he extended his hand to her cheek, but regretted halfway through, letting his arm fall onto his side. Didn't he want to touch her? "I know you don't want that."

"I can't even apologise for the mean things I said to you." She turned her back to him "And I don't know why but I can't."

"That doesn't matter."

"It matters to me, Hansuke."

"Gohama," he called while stroking her arm with the back of his fingers, still she didn't turn to him "What I said that night to you, I meant it, I l–"

"Chairoko." Gohama called the brown owl and she flew away from a hidden higher branch and settled on her forearm. She carefully petted the soft feathers of her wings, which earned her a quiet hoot. She moved her arm and the owl flied up again and they started running.

Hansuke had given her an understanding look. Everything Chairoko sensed and heard Nikato would know once she was dispelled. But that hadn't been the only reason. Gohama didn't want to hear those words, they were wasted on her.

The job was done. One of Nikato's owls had come to them with a message saying they had caught their target back in the small town. Gohama and Hansuke had been following an old trail left by someone else. They were too far away to return without resting, so they stopped for a few hours of sleep.

Hansuke had taken the first watch. He was looking at her restful expression as she slept and it soothed some of his worry to see her sleeping. He was fully aware of her insomnia, even if she covered her dark circles with makeup. He desperately wanted to help her, to make her happy, but he was lost on what to do.

One thing was certain, he had to work on his temper. Gohama knew how to push his buttons too well and he always regretted snapping out, he always regretted their stupid fights. For now, he would let her sleep as many hours as they could remain there. The boys could wait a little with a B-rank, shackled missing nin.

Hansuke didn't even realise he was falling asleep.

The terror of a nightmare circled through his pathways. He woke up with a jolt and immediately unsheathed his ninjato. The terror didn't wash away with waking up, it only consumed him deeper when he felt the evil chakra seeping from her.

The dark blue energy erupting from Gohama was swallowing him up. Its aura of pure, raw power, thrusting through the air and his skin. It seemed to tear his flesh, shoving into his very core, wanting to gnaw him until there was nothing left but crushed dirt.

It was terrifying. His limbs were helplessly shaking, too afraid to move. He forced himself into action, his mind yelling hollow commands to his muscles, but he couldn't move. How long had it been since he had frozen in fear?

This was not fear, this was terror.

Gohama was still sleeping, the chakra surrounding her. Besides its threatening vibe, there was no immediate danger to him and still he couldn't act. She didn't seem to be in pain, but worry was pushing him. He didn't fear Gohama, only that power.

As he began dragging himself towards the sleeping girl, everything in Hansuke shouted for him to turn back, to run and flee. Right as he felt it, he knew to whom the chakra belonged. He wished Gohama hadn't kept it a secret.

He extended his arm to shake her. His hand entered the chakra cloak and it burned. An instinctive reaction made him pull it back. He had to push through the pain. If it burned him, it would also burn Gohama. He groaned as he felt the energy charring his skin. He shook her hard, he called her name. He yelled for her.

After what seemed too long, she finally woke up. She opened her startled eyelids to him and pierced through his gaze. He saw his own terror and confusion reflected on her green eyes. In an instant, the ferocious energy was gone. Gohama jumped away and turned her back to him. She was softly trembling, reminding him to control his own shivering.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." he heard her murmur.

She stumbled towards a tree, but not from pain. It relieved him a little. She pressed her forehead to the rugged trunk, her fingers grasping and scratching the bark. They remained silent. Hansuke didn't know what to say, his rational mind was still recovering from the animal shock and fear that had gripped his body.

Gradually, the natural sounds of the forest were returning. He now realised how the quiet had felt so eerie. The screeching of cicadas and crickets, now safe enough to sing, helped ground him back.

"Say something…" she whispered towards the trunk.

The first thing that surfaced on his mending thoughts. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Hansuke started taking small, hesitant steps, testing Gohama's reaction to them. She didn't seem to protest, so he continued.

"I couldn't."

He had to be careful so she wouldn't shut him out. He was right behind her. "Why?"

"It isn't safe."

Forming a chakra cloak while sleeping with no control over it was definitely not safe. But those weren't the words needed for now. He laid his hand carefully on her shoulder, coaxing her to turn around. If they were going to talk, he had to see her face. Gohama didn't resist, but her head was still tilted down. Before he could lead her chin to tip upwards, she noticed his wounded hand.

"No…" she muttered. Gently she held his forearm, both afraid he would jerk away from her and of hurting him. He didn't. He wasn't scared of her and she wouldn't hurt him. "I have something for this. Come here."

Leading him towards her bag, she took a small flask from it, a pale cream inside.

"It'll sting, the same as any healing of burns." she warned him.

Carefully, she spread the cream with a clean gauze over his hand and wrist. It did sting for a moment, but the soothing freshness quickly followed. Hansuke could already see the mending of skin where it absorbed the ointment.

"It has medicinal chakra imbibed in it. It's the same as if it were a medic healing you." Gohama explained "It won't scar. Now we just have to wait a little."

The speed and efficiency was impressive. Hansuke had never seen a medical balm so effective. The pain was almost gone and the skin of his wrist was starting to turn pink from new flesh.

"This is great, Gohama. Where did you find this?"

"Uncle gave it to me before I left Snow." she said, admiring the healing as he was "It has my great-grandmother's chakra."

"Gohama…" he admonished "You shouldn't have used it on me."

"Don't be difficult, Hansuke. This is for chakra burns. I hurt you… I wanted to use it on you."

"It's too precious for a silly burn."

"The cream is not precious, it is a tool with a purpose and it served its purpose on you. And it's not a silly burn. I burned you."

Hansuke didn't take the bait for that argument. He knew Gohama wouldn't budge and he also knew she would use it as a means to escape the inevitable questions and explanations to come. And they would come now.

"Gohama, look at me." she kept her stubborn gaze on the grass. He cupped her cheeks and tilted her head up. "Don't be difficult, Gohama." he said with a light tone, using her own words.

"Well, I have an excuse. I'm the difficult one." she joked.

"Yes, but please, just work with me now. What happened?"

"When I have nightmares, sometimes chakra breaks free without my control."

"This chakra is different from yours." she didn't respond to his comment "I want you to tell me. I need to hear you say it."

Her eyes were hesitant. She understood what he was asking her to say. The secret he had just learnt in fright and chance, but needed to be told in trust and truth. Gohama took his hands in her own hands and led them away from her face, but she didn't break their eye contact.

"I… I'm the ten-tailed beast jinchuriki."

Hansuke, from the moment he felt the dark blue chakra, knew this. However, it didn't prepare him from the fear and worry that would crush into him as Gohama voiced it. The implications where frightening and knowing she had hidden this, endured it alone tugged at his insides. He brought her into his arms, not caring if she would be uncomfortable or not.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" he whispered onto the crown of her hair, always lemon scented.

"I couldn't." she responded against his chest.

"Why? Don't you trust me?"

Gohama pulled away slightly so she could look at him. "I trust you, Hansuke." she said honestly and firmly "But there are things I can't ask of you…"

"What?"

"There are powerful people after the jinchuriki." she spoke of it as if it weren't her "It would compromise my safety and the Leaf's safety if it got out. Besides the other Villages would want a claim over Seiryu. Konoha already has the Kyubi. It could lead to war."

"What does me knowing has to do with this?"

She pressed her forehead against his chest. "It's your duty to report this to the Hokage. I couldn't ask you to omit this information for me… not when Tsunade wants it so bad…" she gripped his shirt "I can't ask you this. I can't… but I'm still asking now. Don't tell her. I'm sorry, Hansuke… but please, don't tell her…"

Hansuke held her in his strong embrace. How he had missed the fell of her soft body against his. The decision came easy for him.

"Shh… It's okay." he said onto her hair and kissed her head "I won't report."

"But you have to. It's your duty. Don't do this for me."

"Keeping this with us will only protect the Leaf. My duty is to protect my village and my team. And you, Gohama, I will always protect you."

Gohama settled her chin on his chest and he lowered his eyes to hers. Her stark and deep green had once stabbed through him with its Kyura-ness. Now the colour enveloped him in beauty and wonder.

"I'll protect you, too."

Hansuke knew she would. They stared into each other. Her arms moved to wrap around his middle, one of his hands tangled in her hair. He could feel the raise and lowering of her chest on his chest, the warmth of her hands pressed against his back, the eagerness of her eyes drawing him in. Excitement and anticipation flourished in his stomach. Unconsciously he pulled her head back slightly, his eyes fixing on her parted red lips.

Before he could grip himself, Hansuke was already lowering his mouth to hers and Gohama raising her lips to his. He felt her warm breath on his skin and snapped out, turning his head faintly to kiss her cheek instead. His hold on her head tightened, attempting to ground himself away from dangerous craving. It was too soon for her.

He settled his forehead against hers and sighed. "Thank you for telling me."

She chuckled. "You're a fool, Hansuke."

"Maybe, but you're no less of a fool, Gohama." As a response, she jabbed him in the stomach. Hansuke had missed this light teasing between them.

Above his romantic love for her, he cherished their companionship. She could be difficult and annoyingly aware of it, but he knew she enjoyed his company and was comfortable enough to be herself with him, share herself to him. He wanted their relationship to be a romantic one and their night together had only ignited that dream in him. However, he knew Gohama wasn't in the same place he was, he knew she still had the fresh wound of her mission. So, he wouldn't force anything, as he had done that day after she had come home, demanding that she share her pain with him. Hansuke wouldn't force her, but, at least, he could ask.

"Now, please, listen to me, Gohama. I want to carry this with you. Let me carry this with you, please."

He pulled away to look at her. She had wide, emotional eyes, a flicker of vulnerability passing through them. It was so rare when she let him see it, but she did now and when she did it was only for him. He gave her an affectionate smile and pressed his lips to her forehead.

"Breakfast?" he asked, freeing her from his embrace and the heaviness of their moment.

"You can always sense when I'm hungry." she said with a smile, moving away to take out the pan in her bag.

This part is going to encompass two years of Gohama's life in Konoha.

I don't have everything written in advance and I'm entering exam season, so I'll probably take a little longer to upload.