Part IV | Chapter 3

The scroll started shaking and the characters of the seal she was studying turned fuzzy. She propped the paper against her knees and still she couldn't stop her hands from trembling. Gohama closed them into tight fists and pushed them against her lap. The scroll fell onto the grass with a quiet thud.

The soldier pill that she had taken to keep herself awake was wearing down. There was no need to take another one when in the safety of Konoha, but the lack of control over her own hands, her flesh and bone weapons of deftness and speed, always made her restless.

Gohama tilted her head back against the tree trunk and let her skin soak in the morning light. The trembles would soon spread throughout her body and then she wouldn't be able to focus on reading.

A chakra signature sped through the trees near the secluded training field and it made her jolt. She snorted. Only he would be jogging so far away from the Village walls. He halted in his run and in an instant was standing in front of her.

"Hello, Gohama."

"Gai." She acknowledged without opened her eyelids.

"It's a beautiful day for calm youthful sunbathing. Would you mind if I joined you?"

Feeling the coolness of Gai's shadow on her cheeks, Gohama felt it was safe to open her eyes. Even in a setting against the sun, his smile shone bright. She patted the spot beside her and he sat down.

"I hope you put on sunscreen before. We wouldn't want your smooth and youthful skin to wither."

"Don't worry, Gai, my skin regenerates fast."

They sat in silence and quiet. Too quiet for a moment shared with the always energetic green beast. It was almost eerie. The fact that they were rarely together outside of Ippon also made the situation strange. But Gohama was rarely with anyone outside of Ippon. Only the boys and Hansuke and she hadn't seen them in two months now.

"Ask away."

"Can't I just enjoy a lovely afternoon with you, Gohama?"

"You can, but that doesn't mean you would. At least not while doing something as idle as doing literally nothing."

Gai chuckled. He had a warm contagious laugh that never failed to make a smile stretch her lips. "Idleness is also important in a youthful way of living. My active spirit does not stop me from enjoying it."

"Damn, Gai, you're so calm even your voice sounds different." Gohama pulled herself from the trunk and looked at him. "Is everything okay? You're not dying, are you?" When Gai didn't answer and only smiled at her with his blinding grin, her heart sank a little. "Please tell me you're not dying."

"I'm not dying." He reassured with another chuckle. "It's just that we always meet in Ippon and I saw you here and wanted to join you. And I'm glad I did, you're eyes look much more beautiful in the sun."

Her cheeks warmed with embarrassment. "If I didn't know you, Gai, I'd think you were hitting on me."

Now it was his turn to blush, as his hands waved a clear no. "Nothing like that, Gohama, although you are a beautiful young woman, and I'm sure a lot of men compliment you with that intention, it's nothing like that."

Gohama laughed and felt relief at having the embarrassment passed onto another person. "I know, Gai, I was just messing with you. For all it's worth, I'm also glad you joined me."

"Thank you."

"Next time, we can just go spar or something so you don't get bored."

"I would never get bored of the warmth of the sun or the colourful field or your charming company, Gohama." His tone finally had the usual praising and cheerful tilt, even if less loud. "But yes, next time a spar with the great kunoichi, Kyura Gohama, will be great!"

"Please stop throwing compliments around, it makes me a little uncomfortable."

"Why? Don't you like them?"

"It's not that I don't like them, it's just that I… I don't know."

"You remind me of my eternal rival." Kakashi. "You don't need to answer, just accept them, okay?" He asked with a smile.

Even if heart had sunk a little, she couldn't stay cold to those gleaming teeth. "Okay." She nodded with a smile, although a bit frail, of her own. "You're good at cheering people up, Gai."

Gai halted and watched her face closely with scrutinizing and warm black eyes. Gohama lowered her head, uncomfortable with the knowing gaze he had. Then, she heard a little sniffle and lifted her eyes to catch his infamous rivers of tears flowing down his face. Gai pulled her into an awkward sitting bear hug.

"Every time you need someone to remind you of the joy of youthful life, you can come to me, Gohama."

She had already suspected the reason why he had sat beside her. She appreciated it, especially the lack of intrusiveness in his approach. He didn't need to know, he just wanted to be good company.

With her arms squeezed in a crushing lock, Gohama couldn't give him her dismissive pats, she usually offered to Nikato. "Thanks, Gai." She whispered sincerely.

Gohama needed cheering up. Her thoughts were always stuck in the same tune, the same pitiful self-loathing. How was her team? Did the boys know what she had done? They hadn't sought her out, so they probably knew. Did they hate her now? Did Hansuke?

Hansuke had tried to see the bright side of it, but there was none. He didn't understand. It had been her the one controlling the beast's chakra, even if obliviously, it had still been her. Seiryu only provided the chakra, she was the one that moulded it.

Gohama was a jinchuriki, the barriers between her and Seiryu were faint. She had been carrying the beast within her since the first day of her life. There was no Gohama without Seiryu and Seiryu's chakra couldn't come forth without Gohama.

It always pierced her to remember the smell and colour of his blood, how it wedged to her hands. Seeing him in that hospital bed again, his head bound in gauze and chest bandaged. All because of her. Her.

The disillusion in his voice and eyes.

"You're going to disappear again, aren't you?"

Gohama trembled at his rough and weary voice. At least, he was finally awake. She forced herself to lift her face from where it was hidden between her hands. "Hansuke…" she choked out "I'm so sorry, I didn't mea—"

"I know you didn't mean it. It was the beast, Gohama, not you."

And so they fought.

Hansuke tried to convince himself that he wasn't scared of her, tried to convince her, but she wouldn't fall for it. Even Gohama was terrified, of Hansuke's own fear, of hurting him again. Of herself, she was so fucking terrified of herself.

The guilt was too tearing and the fear… It had taken every last bit of courage within her to not leave before Hansuke woke up.

"Don't leave, Gohama, please…"

"I can't…" whispered in a broken voice and she disappeared in a swirl of snowflakes.

He had asked her to stay and she had left him. Of course, he resented her.

Gohama turned to Gai with an upbeat voice. "How about a spar?"

A bird chirped on her windowsill and Gohama felt the tension in her stomach ease. Four idle days in Konoha was more than she could handle. Tsunade had been surprisingly compliant with her method of burying herself in missions. It started with her rotating over different teams combined for each mission, but now she was mostly doing solo ones, usually A-rank, sometimes S when there weren't better suited ninja available.

Putting her team leader on a hospital bed hadn't soured her relations with the higher ranks. Tsunade had probably kept it quiet, as had Hansuke. Gohama had given her commanding officer a chakra wound to the chest and a heavy concussion and had suffered no repercussion. Tsunade had said night terrors were common in shinobi and only if the victim decided to press charges, which they both knew Hansuke wouldn't, could the Hokage do anything about it. The relief and gratitude that she should have felt never came.

Tsunade had recommended her therapy sessions and Gohama refused to go. She knew why she had her nightmares and chakra busts, she knew how fucked up she was and why, there was no need to have another person tell her what she already knew so painfully.

"How are you doing, brat?" Tsunade asked as she stood before her.

"Good. My shoulder isn't giving me any trouble." The bastard that had pulled her arm until it popped out of its socket was now suffering somewhere at the cruel and precise hands of Ibiki.

Tsunade nodded. "Anything else giving you any trouble?" Gohama narrowed her eyes at the obvious meaning of the question. "That doctor I recommended to you is a specia—"

Before she could finish, the blessed office door opened behind Gohama. She could feel the familiar chakra, fresh and lively wind nature against her back, along with the sound of metal clicking against teeth.

"So you're going to be my partner, my darling Kyura." Genma said as he draped his arm around her shoulders. "That could be very fun…" he let the words fall seductively from his tongue.

Tsunade groaned from behind her hands. "Shiranui, can you please stop harassing my kunoichi!" she threatened from clenched teeth.

That had helped him stop the senseless flirting, and sober up. With a strained cough, he took his arm from around Gohama and stood straight. "You called, Tsunade-sama."

Gohama rolled her head slightly to gauge him from the corner of her eye with an amused smirk. At least, there was a woman somewhere that could put Genma in his rightful, quieted place. He had probably suffered from Tsunade's fists of rage a few times. He was absolutely the type to step over the frail line set by the Hokage and as one of the Hokage's bodyguards that was sure to happen many times. Then there were probably real HR troubles with his typical handling of women. Tsunade would never let that slide forgotten.

"Remember that solo mission you were sent out for? It's no longer solo. You'll take Kyura with you and she's going to be your sensor. I expect you to brief her on the mission yourself. The pay will be split between the two of you."

"That's shitty." Genma grumbled.

"Well, I don't care, Shiranui. Now, leave my office and don't die."

The door closed behind them and Genma turned into his typical self. "So, want to discuss our mission over a glass of wine? My apartment?" He asked with a wink.

"Just meet me tomorrow at 6am by the gates and brief me on the way to the Land of Rivers."

Gohama left the bathroom in a nagajuban to find Genma sprawled over one of the room's beds in only his underwear. She shook her head in disappointment and nudged his leg with her foot. Only a muffled groan came out of the sleeping man.

"Wake up, princess." She whispered at his ear while pulling it "We have a mission to complete."

He let out a grunt of pain and swatted her hand away. He then turned on his back and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He gave her a sleepy smirk and stretched out on the bed, careful to flex his muscles while doing so. She made the roll of her eyes at his obvious flaunt very clear.

"Just go put on your clothes." She exhaled "There's nothing there I haven't seen already."

Genma was an attractive man with a perfectly sculpted shinobi body. If they weren't supposed to get ready for a serious mission, she might have appreciated the view more thoroughly. But now her mind was on the assassination of River Daimyo's brother. And the truth was that, as a kunoichi, defined, firm male bodies was mundane.

"You can touch it, though."

"And punch it too." She replied with a threatening tilt to her tone.

He pulled himself off the bed and shook his head in dismay. "You're no fun, Kyura."

Gohama dressed the rest of her lilac kimono and waited for Genma to hurry up.

At the entrance of the Daimyo's palace were two shinobi asking for the invites and searching the guests. The mission had been a request from the Daimyo himself in an attempt to stop his brother's faction from rising in influence and overthrowing him, so the permission to enter had been offered. Genma was posing as a rich benefactor of the Daimyo's and Gohama his company for the evening.

However, Rivers had given little help besides that. Their most important demand was that the assassination was not to be linked back to the Daimyo, which meant his men would do anything necessary to find and punish the assassins if caught.

Then, there were the probing hands of the guards, but Gohama's abilities had helped them immensely. They had nothing on themselves, not even Genma's senbon. The shinobi was usually chosen for public assassination due to his mastery of the silent needle kill. The weapon, although small, could still be felt when searched, so the two had chosen not to risk bringing them. Once inside Gohama would use her summoning power to provide for them.

Genma had even trained with her supplied senbon on their way to the Land of Rivers. He had praised their precision at cutting through the air even with wind and landing on the aimed target. Gohama had replied with a cocky smile, inwardly beaming with pride, and a simply "They're from Bukigakure". With that, Genma had wrapped an arm around her shoulders and commented on his birthdate.

Once the searching was finished, Genma extended his bent arm for her to take and she wrapped her own around his. They walked alongside the other guests towards the main entertainment room. Most people were dressed in luxurious traditional garbs, others had chosen western clothes, the women had elaborate hairdos adorned with jewellery. Gohama watched her lavish surrounding full of expensive food, pretty geiko and fake laughs and remembered all those diplomacy events she had been forced to attend as a the daughter of the Yukikage and Kyura heiress. A cute little doll meant to be shown around at the beginning of the evening and then sent home to sleep, as cute little children did. She hadn't missed them.

They passed through the opened doors, with beautiful depictions of a lake's wildlife, onto a wide room full of people. The sad and pulsating sound of a shamisen and koto drowned over the animated chatter of people.

Right away Genma leaned against her ear and pointed with his head "There's our target." Gohama glanced across the room to the young man surrounded by a group of people apparently immersed in whatever he was saying.

A maiko passed by and offered them sake cups. They immediately accepted and gave a little sip. Thankfully, it wasn't a strong one. In order to blend in they would have to drink, or at least pretend to. It was a good thing both of them had a high tolerance to alcohol.

Beside her Genma moaned in delight. It was a damn good sake. "To be rich and careless…" he sighed wistfully, with a swing of his cup of sake.

Catching a tray full of colourful sushi with his eye, he promptly snatched a piece. Another moan of delight. "Shit, you have to try the sushi, my darling Misa-chan." He said and forced a piece of sashimi with his chopsticks through her lips. Gohama shot him a glare and he chuckled while flicking her chin with his finger. "You didn't mind me shoving big things down your throat last night."

Gohama forced herself not to choke and punch his face through the wall at his lecherous comment. Instead, she slapped his shoulder coyly and let out a little indignant giggle. "How improper, Kuro-san." Genma was definitely going to enjoy what he could from the mission.

With that little initial play, they mingled with the other guests. Genma was playing his normal smooth and flirting self, while Gohama was going for the young compliant rich man's toy. If she had had to mingle alone, she would have been doomed. Luckily, Genma was, despite his lewd intense self, a very charming person. He could enter any circle of people and quickly gain their attention and approval.

After only an hour of moving around, most people there already knew of Kuro-san's wild stories and romantic escapades. They knew Misa-chan, the lovely young lady accompanying him, was no more than a piece of jewellery meant for show casing and playing around.

That was the shinobi's tactic, to completely immerse themselves within the guests at plain sight, then find a moment where Genma could stab their target. Gohama, as a sensor, would warn him about the guards neighbouring over them.

The problem was that the event was much better guarded than what they had expected from the Daimyo's notes. Besides the dozens of shinobi surrounding the property, there was another dozen protecting the rooms where the soiree was taking place and worst of all a jonin level bodyguard looming over their target. After the kill, they were to make a run for the Land of Wind to take the trackers off Konoha's sent. The S-rank came from the risk. Assassination would be the easy part, the hard was escaping alive.

After a couple of hours, most guests were already tipsy or drunk, including their target. Unexpectedly, while Genma was telling one of his theatrical stories and Gohama clung to one of his arms in feigned adoration, the Daimyo's brother approached them on his own volition. He had asked another one of the guests to introduce him and the woman accompanying him to them.

Genma and their target exchanged the usual pleasantries and her partner was ready to charm him with one of his concocted stories when the man turned to Gohama. "What of you, Misa-chan?" he asked with a polite smile.

"Oh…" she looked up at him with shy surprise. "I'm just a girl from northern Fire lucky to have met our lovely Kuro-san" she said while squeezing Genma's arm and glancing up at him, but her eyes quickly turned to look around the room in awe "and see this beautiful palace and people for myself. You have a gorgeous palace, Taro-sama." Then she focussed back on their target "It is really nothing of interest, Taro-sama."

"I very much doubt that." He said with another smile. "Now that you expressed your regard for our palace, I have to offer you a tour of the rooms and gardens, Misa-chan."

"Oh no, I wouldn't want to impose myself on you and take you away from your guests, Taro-sama."

"You wouldn't impose at all. If you wouldn't mind, Misa-chan, I just have to finish some typical talk with a few guests and then it would be a pleasure."

He waited for her answer and Gohama turned her head up to Genma. "Can I, Kuro-san?"

"Of course, my darling Misa." He replied with a light, condescending poke on her nose.

"Good, if you'll excuse me now…" Their target bowed and left them along with his woman and bodyguard.

As soon as their target disappeared in the crowd, Genma grasped her hand and pulled her behind him. He found a secure somewhat hidden spot where they could talk. Pretending to be two lovers enjoying each other's touches and sweet words, he pressed her against the wall and leaned towards her.

"This turned out great. Of course, he's interested in you. Thank the gods, you're hot." The words didn't annoy her as was expected. "Now, we have a new better plan." Her gaze focussed on the neckline of his kimono, the fine lines intertwining with each other. "He'll take you on that little trip around the palace and I'll follow you and kill him when I find a safe opening."

"What if you can't follow us with all the guards around?"

He huffed with a little hurt. "Come on, Gohama, do you really think so little of my stealth?"

"What if the bodyguard also comes with us?"

"That one's easy. Just take him into a room. That's what he really wants with the tour."

She closed her eyes and breathed in carefully. "This wasn't supposed to be a seduction mission."

Gohama felt him stop for a moment and look down at her. He gently cupped her jaw with his hand and coaxed her head to tilt up towards his. "You won't have to sleep with him, sweetheart. I'll kill him before he even touches you, okay?"

She took in the confidence and steadiness of his deep brown eyes. She had never gone on a mission with him before, she didn't know if she could trust him. And she didn't. Genma wasn't her teammate. Gohama trusted no shinobi but her teammates, the only person beside them she had was Kakashi, and that had been a clear mistake.

"I don't think I can…"

He studied her carefully and she knew she wasn't masking the dread behind her eyes. "Are you a virgin?"

"I'm not, but at the moment I don't have the skills for that type of mission and I don't know how I'll react."

"Right after you get him alone in a room I'll be there, okay? Don't worry, you won't have to do anything." Because he saw she still wasn't convinced he continued "This is an S-rank, Gohama, and this is by far the safest, a damn god-send, plan. I know you can do it. You're a Kyura, you're the most badass kunoichi in Konoha."

No matter how much every cell in her body was telling her to run away, Gohama knew she couldn't. "Only kunoichi? Not shinobi?" she said with crossed arms and a quirked eyebrow.

"That's because I'm obviously the most badass shinobi." He said with his familiar smirk "And that's why, with you and me, this mission will be like a fucking D-rank."

The target closed the door behind him with a lustful smirk. His piercing gaze running the length of her body. Gohama felt her heart speed up against her chest and her hands dampened and trembled. She took insecure small backward steps until her thighs pressed against the edge of the bed. The target must have taken that as an invitation because he started moving towards her, his pace as slow as hers, slick and confident.

He settled his hands on her waist and turned her around. A lump formed inside her throat and she couldn't breathe. He was touching her now and she hated it. Where the fuck was Genma?

The target tugged at her obi and loosened it, uncoiling her waist and letting the sash fall to the floor. Then his hands slid up and slipped her lilac kimono from her shoulders. He let his lips press against the new strip of skin unveiled. Gohama couldn't stop the horrified shudder that ran down her spine. She couldn't stop any of the physical reactions that were starting to engulf her.

The fabric of her kimono ruffled as it fell onto the floor at her feet. The target turned her back around and pushed her to lay down on the bed. She did as he made her do, Gohama had no power over her own movements, her body had left her to do nothing but stay stiff and endure. She was powerless and she hated it, she hated everything about this.

He hovered over her and let his gaze soak in the image of Gohama in her thin and white nagajuban. When his dark, burning eyes met hers, he smiled a little, but it looked wrong with the lust behind them. "You don't have to be nervous, Misa-chan. I'll make this pleasurable for the both of us."

He slid his hand inside her clothes to grip her naked waist and dipped his head to kiss along her collarbone. Gohama clenched her eyes shut and her jaw. She tried to will herself to breathe, but the air kept getting stuck at the lump in her throat. She inhaled deeply and froze.

She was sure she had smelled it. Gods no, she couldn't have smelled it. Dazai's cologne. The air of the room was imbibed in it and now her lungs were too. How hadn't she noticed it before? She couldn't breathe, she truly couldn't breathe. The target lips followed the path of her jaw and were almost at her lips, but she managed to tilt her head away.

"You can relax. I already told you I can make this good for you too." His voice was dripping in impatience now. Gohama didn't care about what he was saying all she wanted was his disgusting, painful hands off her.

He opened the sash of her nagajuban and the panic that was convoluting in her guts rushed into her veins, into every inch of her body. She started shaking and panting as his fingers brushed her inner thigh.

"Stop. Stop. Stop." She let the words flash out of her tongue. Even her voice was trembling and weak. The mission was out of her mind. All she could grasp was the dread in her blood and the cologne drowning her.

"You were the one that invited me to the room." The roaring at her ears muffled his words. "Just relax."

His hand didn't stop and his mouth continued their moist path on her chest. And she couldn't do anything more than lay there as he was ready to fuck her. The smell of Dazai's cologne burning her throat, the roughness of his shinobi fingers, the violence of his mouth and hands. He was there on top of her again and behind her eyelids. And she couldn't fucking move like the fucking kunoichi she was.

Then Dazai's rough fingers were reaching her panties. Gohama didn't try to stop the dry and trembling sob that left her throat. This time it wasn't one of her nightmares. This time it was real, terrifyingly real. He was going to fuck her again.

His body fell against her, limp and still. Gohama just stared at the wooden ceiling as dry sobs racked her body. A shadow moved above her and the weight that was pressing against her disappeared.

"It's done. Now let's get our asses to Wind Country." The shadow filled her vision and she could see two brown eyes looking back at her. "You did a good job, now we really need to go." He held her arm and pulled, but she flinched away.

"Don't touch me."

He held her jaw instead and turned her face towards him. "Remember the mission and the dozens of guards out there? We need to get the fuck out of here now."

The panic was back at full force and she couldn't move again, only tremble. "Don't touch me, please don't touch me."

He took his hands away from her, but continued to hover above her. "Gohama, darling, it's me Genma."

It was Genma, she could see the senbon hanging from his lips and his messy brown hair and brown eyes, full of concern now, not playfulness. Without letting his eyes stray from her own, he gently covered her again and tied back the sash of her nagajuban. "We're on a mis—"

His voice was cut off by a knock on the door. "Taro-sama is everything all right in there?"

Genma cursed under his breath. "Gohama, please, we need to go. Now."

What was wrong with her? She was acting like a genin, worse, like an academy student. With every last bit of her will, she forced her erratic breathing to calm itself and her arms and legs to stop shuddering. Then, she moved her hand up to Genma and he promptly held it and pulled her up. He didn't let go of it, instead using his warm hold to guide her clumsy steps to follow him. He wrapped his arm around her waist, which didn't help with the shivers still shaking her body, even if she knew he wouldn't hurt her that way. He secured her to his side and jumped out of the window.

As stealthy and fast as they could, they left the estate without being caught. Once out of the palace walls the block of ice on her stomach loosen and her heart and breathing eased. Genma would throw her some words of encouragement and soon they were running through the forest. The lightness spreading through her still awkward legs sunk when they heard the shrill alarm coming from behind them.

"Fuck." Both of them hissed.

Adrenaline pumped through her heart and veins and drove her to move faster and more deftly. Her chakra, which had seemed dormant before, was fluttering inside her pathways and all around her body. Finally, she was the kunoichi she had been trained, raised, shaped for. Gohama felt ashamed of her failure from before, but she would prove her prowess now.

"How many, Gohama?"

"They're too far away for me to sense them while moving."

"Can you do it from my back?"

She nodded and jumped onto him. Concentrating on spreading her awareness farther, Gohama held on tighter to Genma. The overload of information rushed into her head, making her dizzy, but she pushed forward. Then they entered her senses. Eighteen of them, three jonin, eight chunin and seven genin. She passed the information to Genma.

"We can fight them. Hmm, what do you say, Kyura?"

They could keep running, but the tracking shinobi would reach them once they stopped and there was no chance of making it to Konoha without stopping. There was a possibility they could evade them, but not a big one. The best option was to risk it and fight them now, while their chakra was almost at maximum level, since they would end up confronting them eventually.

"Only if I can use my bloodline limit."

"It's just chakra. They won't recognise it." He halted on a branch and put her down "I guess it settles it then. Do we have time for some welcoming traps?" Gohama nodded. Genma sighed long and deeply. "This should be fun."

"Just like a D-rank, right, Shiranui?"

Genma was down. Gohama was on the other side of their handmade clearing. They had used exploding tags as a trap and an arena maker. It was easier to fight when outnumbered on a clearer ground. There were three enemy left, one jonin, two chunin. Gohama was fighting the jonin and the other two chunin were taking advantage of Genma's unguarded state to kill him.

She pushed a wide field of chakra from her hand to surround her partner. The glowing blue energy stopped the blade of the chunin just in time. It was hard to concentrate on maintaining a field while fighting, but she had to make do. Gohama wouldn't let Genma die when they were in this mess because of her.

She used her chakra covered tachi to break through the enemy's weapons. He was quick and could evade every gust of chakra she threw his way, but he was also getting tired and sloppy. He knew he wouldn't win against her, Gohama was sure he was stalling them, waiting for reinforcements or, at least, for another tracker team to get closer. A battle as this wouldn't go unnoticed.

Tired of playing cat and mouse, she ran towards the other two. They wouldn't be able to evade the swish of her blade. As she was fighting them, a kunai pierced into her shoulder and she let out a grunt of pain, still Gohama thrust her sword into one's stomach. The smell of burnt flesh mixed with the one of blood. The jonin reached their fight.

Gohama had already wasted too much chakra on kage bushin before and still had to save for their journey back to Konoha. She needed to kill the chunin fast and fight the jonin alone, while sustaining the dome of chakra protecting Genma.

After a few blocks and blows, the chunin let a crack in his defence show and she swung for the final hit, quickly followed by another towards a distracted jonin. She slid her tachi out of the dead enemy's stomach and took a few seconds to catch her breath.

The shield around Genma vanished and she kneeled beside him, two glowing green hands on the wound of his stomach, oozing blood.

"Told you… we could fight them… darling." he said with his typical, even if weak, smirk between pants.

"Like a D-rank." She assessed his damage. They were a day and a half away from Konoha and three from Suna. She didn't even think of following the mission's instructions. The trackers could follow them to the gates of the Leaf, for all she cared about. If they went to Suna, Genma would die of blood loss halfway through.

"Kunai…" he started with a feeble pointing finger "sticking out of your shoulder…"

Gohama dismissed him with a wave. "I'll take it out later." She continued to prep him for their long run back to the Leaf, trying to prevent blood loss and the wound from infecting. When he was all wrapped up, she carefully raised him to settle against her back. "Buckle up, princess." She teased over her shoulder.

"My male… pride is very hurt… right now. But also… very aroused."

Gohama chuckled and shook her head. Even critically wounded and in deep pain, Genma was still Genma. Then, she started running.

After half a day in a ruthless pace, the aftereffects of the weaker soldier pills Gohama had been taking were screaming at her. Since her fatal sleeping chakra burst, she hadn't allowed herself to go into REM. She slept an hour five times a day and took partial soldier pills when her mental and physical abilities declined too much.

It was dangerously unhealthy and she could feel its toll on her muscles and mind, but Gohama couldn't risk hurting anyone or destroying her surroundings or having someone find out. Seiryu's power was rising to the surface. Her more violent nightmares only worsened the leaks of chakra.

Her muscles were hurting and stiff, her head was pounding and foggy, her shoulder and forearm were killing her and her rhythm was decreasing. The last time she had taken a soldier pill had been before going to the Daimyo's palace. That had been too few hours ago. If she risked taking one now, she could also risk an overdose.

She touched Genma's forehead and glanced over her shoulder. His skin was greyish and clammy. The blood had also soaked through her own clothes.

Gohama stopped on a higher branch and lowered Genma to lean against the trunk. Now that she was studying him through sunlight, he looked even worse. "Hi there, handsome." She said softly.

Genma slowly opened his eyes half way. "That… bad…" He tried to smirk at her but failed.

"I'm going to clean your wound again and replace your bandages, okay?" He nodded almost imperceptibly.

She began unwrapping the bandages around his torso. She thanked the supplies of the enemy ninja they had looted. Taking a flask of clean water, she soaked a piece of gauze with it and gently cleaned the dried and fresh blood around the injury. He would let out tired grunts of pain. She covered the wound with a healing and antiseptic balm and bandaged it again. She tied the sash of his kimono loosely and smiled at him "All done. I'm giving you a blood increasing pill so open up."

He complied and she pushed the pill pass his lips, after he swallowed, she offered him water. Then, he gave her a true Genma smirk. "You can… feed me… any time." Gohama answered with an eye roll, but inwardly was glad he remained his flirty self. He brushed away a strand of hair stuck to her forehead and jaw with sweat, "You need to rest… and sleep."

"Don't worry, Genma. I'll just take a soldier pill and we'll be in Konoha in no time."

True to her words Gohama patted her knees and raised herself. Then, she looked through the enemy nin's medic pouch for a pill. Frowning slightly, she scrambled more thoroughly but found none. She risked a glance towards Genma and saw him looking up at her. Her mind screamed an entire epic of dirty, degradant curse words. There were no fucking soldier pills. Fuck. Why hadn't she fucking checked?

Genma was ready to talk so she pulled another pill from the pouch with a triumphant exclamation and pretended to swallow it. "Good to go."

She picked him up and settled him on her back. Even his weight was starting to take a toll on her. At least her chakra reserves were still at a fourth. They continued with their journey. Gohama would get him alive to Konoha. She had to.

Night's veil lowered over the forest trees and ground. The hoots of owls broke from the continuous chirping of crickets and cicadas. They were the natural sounds of a forest and they lulled Gohama to sleep with their safety.

"I'm usually the bigger spoon." Genma joked breathlessly, but after taking a painkiller his words came out easier. She was leaning against a tree trunk with him between her legs, his back settled against her chest. She wanted to make sure he wouldn't fall over and to help his body in keeping itself warm. They had stopped for a one-hour nap to rest, as Gohama had been panting and almost dangerously slipping while running.

She chuckled slightly. "Since when are you a spoon guy?"

"Depends on the girl…" he answered seriously but quickly changed his tone. "I'd definitely spoon you, my darling Kyura."

"Too bad, because I'm not a spoon girl." Before he could note on their position, she added, "Unless it's for safety reasons with physically impaired teammates."

"That's what you say now. You just haven't spooned with a nice, comforting spoon."

Gohama glanced up to the sky escaping between leaves. Maybe she had. Not that it mattered now. Her heart ached for Hansuke, especially now, as she sat on a lost branch in pain, Genma bleeding to death in her arms, because of her. People she cared about always seemed to bleed out because of her. She would forever be too ashamed of facing Hansuke again.

"Who is she, your nice comforting spoon?" Gohama asked.

His silence was confirmation that there was a woman and she already suspected who. Genma acted differently with only two women, Kurenai and Shizune. The first was because she belonged, even if not publically admitted, to Asuma, one of his closest friends. With the second there were too many glances, tension and awkward moments to not be a history between them. Genma didn't shamelessly flirt with her and they seemingly didn't get along, but it was clear they knew each other well. No matter how cliché it was, Gohama could also see it in his eyes.

"Why not settle for that one spoon?"

He sighed deeply and then groaned in pain. "I'm not the settling down type and that one spoon deserves better than a knife." He then chuckled dryly at his metaphor. "Fuck, I'm high." He patted her knee, "Now, Gohama, less feely girly sleepover talk and more actual sleeping. I'll keep watch."

Her eyelids closed almost in compliance and she instantly fell asleep despite her aching body, from her skin to the marrow of her bones.

Before she could truly rest, her eyes snapped open and adrenaline shot through her veins. In an instant, she was up again, a grunting Genma throwing whines to the night's disturbed air.

"Come on, princess," she said while pulling him onto her back "up we go."

She was speeding through the branches before Genma could even question. "What's happening?"

"They're 200 meters behind us. I can sense them." Even the adrenaline wasn't stopping her muscles from protesting "Fuck." She hissed under her breath.

The gap between the trackers and them wasn't diminishing. "Drop me." She ignored him. "I'm the team leader and I'm ordering you to drop me, Kyura."

"Shut the fuck up, Genma." She growled between pants.

"Like this, we're both dead. If you leave me you can make it to Konoha. We're not even sure I'll make it there before I bleed out. I'm ordering you to drop me."

If Gohama hadn't been using soldier pills she wouldn't be suffering from the aftereffects, she would have made the journey faster and effortlessly. If Gohama hadn't freaked out with their target, if Gohama hadn't panicked around Genma, the guard wouldn't have suspected anything. They would have made it in time to leave a too great a distance for the trackers, they wouldn't have had to fight the enemy, Genma wouldn't be half-dead behind her back.

If she wasn't so fucking weak, she wouldn't have failed. But she did fail and now she would run even with severed legs. She could not let Genma die because of her. No one would ever again die because of her.

"Your judgement is impaired from blood loss. I won't follow your order, I know I can get us both to Konoha alive."

"Gohama, I know you didn't take a soldier pill. You can't make it with me on your back."

His frail grasp of her neck loosen and she felt him pull away from her back. She used her chakra to keep him glued to her. "Don't you dare, Shiranui! Don't you fucking dare!"

Summoning kunai with exploding tags attached, Gohama threw them to strategic, even if rushed and sloppy, points of the forest while still running. It wouldn't stop all the five shinobi, but it would help her gain leverage. As she felt them nearing the sight, she blew up the tags. The sound and shock wave of the explosion reached them, unbalancing Gohama. Three chakra signatures left.

Chakra flowed through her pathways towards her feet. With every inch of mind power, she willed herself to endure the stabbing pain every time she pushed herself from a branch into a wide jump and landed on another one. She was sure Genma was suffering from the violent rocking and crashes against her back, but he didn't show it. Gohama wasn't worried with covering their tracks.

The distance was large enough that she could no longer sense the enemies' chakra and there was a river that streamed towards Konoha somewhere.

When she found it, Gohama didn't waste time in jumping onto it and running on top of its surface. All her being thanked the winters she had spent walking over snow, it made walking above water almost effortless. After she didn't know how long, she left the river and continued through the branches.

They were half a day from Konoha. Genma was silent. If she didn't continuously feel, although weak, his flow of chakra, she would have thought he was dead.

He probably understood. He had been in the committee, over a year ago, on her Jonin Exam Pre-admission. He had hear Kakashi accusing her of being too scared of the guilt over someone's death to lead a team. And the Copy-nin, as always, had been right. Genma knew the guilt that would drown her, probably even knew of the one already pushing her forward. At least, this once, the guilt was stimulating her lifeless muscles. And the fear. Fear, so much fear, she was like a wild animal running away from fire.

So, she kept running and running, fighting against the clock of life, the seconds fleeing through the trees as she raced to beat them. Just this once, at least, let her beat death just this once.

And that was all her mind could grasp, her spirit focussed only on the next branch. There was no path, no kilometres to count, no minutes or hours. Just the next branch, and the next and the next. The tiredness and pain wouldn't drag her down. There was always the will for one more push, one more endured step, one more branch.

Until there were no more branches, just a wide dirt path leading to two green gates. All the fear gripping her heart was replaced by exhaustion. But she couldn't stop now. Not when the tiny blurred green gates were right in front of her and the frail stream of chakra still seeped into the skin of her back.

Even when she passed the threshold, Gohama kept taking the steps. There were muffled sounds around her, but she could only see the path to the hospital. Something forced her to stop, and, no matter how much she fought to keep moving, her will was not enough and she was stuck.

The unbearable weight left her back, but she still couldn't move. Then the chakra faded from the skin of her back. Panic clashed against the walls of her stomach and her hands were trembling for an entire different reason other than depletion. Something slapped her cheek lightly and her ears were finally focussing on the sounds. Her eyes recognised the dark eyes and bandaged nose in front of her. Kotetsu.

"It's okay, Gohama, we can take him from here."

Konoha. She was back in Konoha and Genma was already being taken to the hospital. With that, all the made up energy in her legs gave out and she fell, only for too strong arms to catch her.

"Easy there. You should also come to the hospital." Kotetsu lowered himself to pick her up but she straightened her legs and stood by herself.

"It's okay. I don't need to, I'm just tired."

Still, he didn't let her continue on her new path. "You're more than tired, Gohama, you need to be seen by a medic."

"I'll ask my teammate."

And, even with trembling, unsteady steps, she continued her path. Hansuke. Gohama needed Hansuke.

If you're in need of psychological support and help, please seek it with a professional, especially in these trying times. Gohama's words about therapy are a product of her ignorance, pride and ninja up bringing.

As always, stay safe and thanks for reading!