Author's Notes at bottom - Enjoy!
@------
No Greater Love
Chapter 10 - An Angel for Heaven
By: Bethany
Editor: Meara
Rated: PG
@------
I watched, amused, as my husband stood on a kitchen table chair
and took down the pictures from Chibi-Usa's bedroom wall. Even as tall
as he was, there was some things beyond his reach. As he handed another
down to me, I wrapped them in newspaper and placed them in a box.
Anywhere the eye looked there was boxes and newspaper, it seemed,
and as it had been the case since the earlier part of the week. After
the battle with Pharaoh 90, Mamo-chan transferred out of his job at the
labs and to Tokyo University Hospital. The chief of staff was so
impressed with his knowledge and skills that just one month later they
gave him a promotion.
With the new job came more money and thus the decision to buy a
house rather than to continue to pay rent on an apartment. I was so
excited by the prospect of our first house together that I begged Mamo-
chan to get us moved in as soon as possible. I had no idea that that
would mean I had one week to pack up our belongings. At the beginning
of the week while Mamo-chan was at work, the girls had came over and
helped pack up most of our stuff. The only thing left was Chibi-Usa's
nursery, our bedroom and then the clothing and toiletries we used
daily.
As Saturday drew closer, I became more excited. It wasn't a very
large house we were moving to, but it meant a yard for Chibi-Usa and
Shingo to play in. Also the privacy that came with going from my car to
my front door, rather than up twelve floors and down a hall.
Unthinking, I picked up the box of pictures and started out the
door with it. "Usako," I heard Mamo-chan say lowly. "Just where do you
think you're going with that?"
I turned, blinking innocently. I was nearly four months pregnant,
and I hadn't begun to show at all. That didn't stop Mamo-chan, or the
other Senshi from remembering that I was pregnant, though. Especially
this week I was scolded time and time again about picking up boxes or
moving furniture that was heavy. So even before my eyes reached my
husbands scowling ones, I knew what was coming. And it was getting a
little irritating. "In the living room," I replied evenly.
"Usako," my husband growled playfully, stepping off the chair and
coming towards me. "You'll do no such thing. You're preg--"
"Hai, I'm pregnant!" I replied, a little more forcefully than I
would have liked. "It doesn't mean I'm an invalid!"
Mamo-chan actually looked a little hurt at my outburst and I
regretted it immediately. I should be thinking how good I had it. At
least I had a faithful husband that stood by me. Maybe I should think
about that instead of being mad about not proving my independence day
in and day out. I sighed, holding the box out to him. "Gomen," I
mumbled so softly that I'm not sure if I said it, or mouthed it.
Mamo-chan took the box, put it down, and pulled me close to him.
I let my head fall against his chest, letting out a deep breath at the
same time. "Usako, perhaps you should let me take care of the rest of
our packing, ne? I know that you have your hands full with the
children, you don't need all this added stress."
I didn't have the strength to argue. I simply nodded my head and
allowed Mamo-chan to kiss my lips and then sit me in the rocking chair
by Chibi-Usa's window. I looked out on the city from our apartment
twelve stories up and thought about what it would feel like to look out
my window and into a yard full of toys for my children. It warmed my
body and a smile came unbidden to my lips.
Mamo-chan came back in the room with yet another empty box and
smiled at me. "What do you look so happy about?" he asked, putting the
box down and throwing stuffed animals in it.
"Just thinking about how nice it will be to look out Chibi-Usa's
bedroom window and see trees and birds, rather than buildings and
cars." My husband smiled back as I stood up, stretching my arms up as I
did so. "I think I'll go lay down for a while."
"Are you okay?" Mamo-chan asked immediately, concern etched in
his normal relaxed features. "Do you still feel sick?"
"No, no. I'm just tired. I didn't get much sleep with Chibi-Usa
coughing all night. I think I need to make her an appointment with the
doctor, she might be coming down with something," I explained, going
out of the room. "Wake me up about four o'clock so I can make dinner."
I walked out of the room and across the hall to the bedroom I
shared with my husband. On the foot of my bed, curled up in a black
ball, was Luna. She looked up as I entered, and stretched her front
legs out. "Are you done packing the little one's room?" she inquired
idly as she began washing her face.
I laid on the bed, the softness of my pillow calling to me. As I
snuggled under the covers Luna came to sit in front of me. "No, Mamo-
chan is finishing up."
I closed my eyes, but I could still feel Luna's stare on me. I
peeked out from under my half closed lids. "What?"
"Are you alright, Usagi-chan? You've been sleeping a lot lately,
even though Motoki cut back your hours at work." She paused, still
staring at me curiously.
"I'm just tired, I'll be okay," I told her, turning over so as to
end the conversation.
Luna wasn't easily persuaded. "It just seems a little odd to me
that you were still getting sick into your third month and you are so
tired all the time. When you were pregnant with Chibi-Usa, by your
fourth month you had your energy back."
"Dr. Mizuno says that I'm fine and that if I'm tired, to rest.
Simple as that," I told her, burring myself more under the covers. I
waited, but Luna had stopped her nagging for the moment. For that I was
grateful.
Even though my guardian cat had stopped talking, it didn't stop
me from thinking about what she had said. I was doing everything right,
even cutting down my hours at work. Mamo-chan wasn't about to let me do
any heavy lifting and the girls took the children out one day a week so
that Mamo-chan and I could have time to ourselves. But it seemed that
when I had time to myself, all I wanted to do was sleep. I sighed,
thinking that I should do something besides lay in the bed.
With my mind made up, I got up and went into the bathroom to find
the bubble bath. There wasn't anything more relaxing than a warm bath
and maybe I could perk myself up enough to go out to dinner tonight.
When the tub was full I turned the radio on a soft rock station
and undressed. I didn't notice it until I picked my clothes up to put
them in the laundry basket, but I had been spotting. Not bad, but there
was enough blood on my clothing that I felt alarm speed my heart beat
up. I turned the water off and went into the bedroom to put on clean
clothing. I felt tears spring to my eyes, but brushed them away
quickly.
As long as I live, I will never forget the look on my soul mate's
face when I walked into the nursery and he turned to me. "Usako?!" he
exclaimed, dropping the pieces of the changing table and rushing across
the room to me. "What's wrong? Why is your face so pale?"
Again I felt the tears well up in my eyes, and this time I wasn't
fast enough to stop one from falling down my face. "It's probably
nothing," I said, but my voice shook from the fear of the idea that
something could be wrong. "I'm just bleeding a little..."
"How bad?" I had seen this look only a few times before. This
wasn't my husband talking anymore, but Dr. Chiba. His face was serious
and his features unreadable. I just stared at him. "How bad, Usako?" he
demanded, grasping my shoulders.
"I.. I don't know if it's bad," I whispered hoarsely and felt my
knees weaken. Visions of the blood stain flashed before my eyes
hauntingly. "Mamo-chan, I'm scared," I cried softly, falling into his
arms.
"Mamoru-san?" I heard Luna say, rushing into the room. "What's
wrong?"
"I'm taking Usako to the emergency room. It's probably nothing,
but we should be safe," he explained, practically carrying me towards
the door and down the hall. "Please call Makoto and ask her to keep the
kids until I call her." I never heard Luna answer, just the sound of
the door clicking softly as we rushed down the hall.
Mamoru opened the door for me and then hurried around the other
side of the car. We sped out of the parking garage, leaving tire marks
at the entry, I'm sure. A part of me felt like I was making too big of
a deal out of this. Spotting was normal for pregnant women, even if I
hadn't spotted with Chibi-Usa. But another part of me, a part that was
always wondering why I stayed sick and tired so long, was screaming
this was not a good sign. I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my
arms around my legs as I stared at the passing scenery with no
interest. Pressing my forehead to the window pane, I barely noticed
that it was cold or that Mamo-chan had turned the heater on. Was it
fall already?
No, I thought, that can't be right. Chibi-Usa had turned a year
old in May, the fight with Pharaoh 90 was in June - what did that make
this? September? I couldn't think, my stomach felt hollow and yet upset
like I was going to be sick at any same time. I cleared my head of all
thoughts and closed my eyes, nearly falling asleep when the car came to
a screeching halt outside the hospital.
"Stay here," Mamo-chan said in a soothing tone. "I'll go get a
wheelchair." Before I could protest, he was out of the car and running
towards the double doors.
It didn't seem like more than five seconds had passed when Mamo-
chan came running back out the doors with a wheelchair; two ER
attendants behind him. The two men stood by the open door as Mamo-chan
lifted me out of the car and into the wheelchair, all the while I
protested that I could walk. "Just relax, sweetheart. I'll take care of
everything," he assured me in a small, soothing voice that he usually
reserved for our daughter when she woke up in the night.
I could feel my head starting to ache as I was wheeled in by the
attendant. Mamo-chan stood at my side, talking quickly to the two men
about my symptoms. I stared around the ER in surprise at the number of
people. Every chair was full, forcing some people to stand. Just as I
was being wheeled through a set of double doors, a nurse came up to
Mamo-chan and handed him a clipboard. "Chiba-san, I need you to fill
out these forms, please."
"But my wife..." I heard my husband protest just as the automatic
doors shut. I turned to look back, but the only thing I could see was
the beige colored doors sealed tightly together. I sighed and turned
around.
One of the two men left us, and the older man pushing me felt no
need for communication. He pushed me swiftly down a hall and into a
small room that was barely big enough to turn around in. "The doctor
will be with your shortly," he informed, never once meeting my eyes, or
heaven forbid - smile. "Who is your OBG-YN?"
"Dr. Mizuno," I answered, my head beginning to ache more by the
second. "Will she be available?"
"I'm afraid that she is off today," he answered shortly, starting
out of the room. "The ER is full tonight, so it maybe a while before
someone can see you. But because of your reasons for being here, it
won't be that much longer."
I felt another wave of panic crash into my mind. I shook my head,
looking at him as if he were crazy. "Call Dr. Mizuno, she'll come," I
said, but he seemed to not hear me as he shut the door and left me
alone.
I bit on my thumb nail as the seconds ticked by. The time on the
digital clock read 5:43 when he left, and it was now 5:55. It seemed
like more than an hour had passed. I found myself wondering back over
what I had done since I found out I was pregnant, other than the fight
with Pharaoh 90 I had been the obedient pregnant woman; doing
everything that Dr. Mizuno instructed and then some. What had I done
wrong?
So lost in my thoughts about my baby's well being was I that I
jumped when someone knocked on the door. Without waiting for a reply, a
short plump woman in a nurse's uniform walked in. Her body looked even
larger in the white coat, and arms that seemed shaped like rolling pins
stuck out from the sleeves. Yet she had a friendly smile when I meet
her green eyes and I felt relaxed, as if I were with a kindly
grandmother.
"Hello dear," she said, sitting down on a small stool and
bringing it closer to the wheel chair I still sat in. "Your name is
Chiba Usagi?" I nodded my head slightly. "Good, good. Now, I see that
you are thirteen weeks with your second child."
"Yes Ma'am," I replied in a whisper. My throat felt dry and
irritated and it seemed that no matter how many times I ran my tongue
over my lips, they remained dry. Without a word, the woman stood up and
filled a cup with some water and handed it to me. "Arigato." I smiled
gratefully and took the cup.
She sat down again and reopened the file in her hands when the
door burst open, nearly hitting her back. On the other side was Mamo-
chan, looking more than a little angry and upset. "Usako!" Behind him I
heard a man shout and Mamo-chan quickly came in the room and shut the
door behind him.
I looked at the door, at my husband and then to the door again.
The nurse hid her startled look and cleared her throat. "You are Chiba
Mamoru, I presume?" she asked in the same kind voice she spoke to me
in.
My husband nodded his head, still listening to the noise in the
hallway. "That was different," I quipped, trying to grab his attention.
You would think he was running from youma by the look on his face.
"Problems, Mamo-chan?" I received no reply, only a disgruntled grunt
and a nasty look towards the door again.
The nurse shook her head, smiling as she did so. "You young
people today..." she said and laughed a little to herself. "Now, Chiba-
san, why are you here today?"
I cringed at the memory of the blood on my clothing, but shook it
from my mind. "I've bleed some," I admitted, feeling my heart speed up
again. "But I've had no pain or anything else."
"Any other discharges?" she asked without looking up.
"No, not that I know of." Mamo-chan came to me, placing a kiss on
my forehead as he sat in the chair against the wall and reached for my
hand. I tried to hide my fear, but something deep in me was saying that
something was wrong. I squeezed my husband's hand, feeling tears well
up in my eyes.
The nurse took my temperature, blood pressure and weight before
she left the room with the promise that a doctor would be with us
shortly. Mamo-chan had lifted me up and laid me on the table where I
currently laid, staring at the wall.
"Hey," my soul-mate whispered in my ear, brushing a piece of
golden hair from my eyes. "You know what?"
I turned my face towards him, the tear trails on my face as I
meet his blue eyes. "What?" I mumbled.
I felt him cup my face in his palm, brushing a tear from my
cheek. When our eyes meet I felt all the emotions of a man so
completely in love there was no way out, fill me inside. "I love you,"
he said, so softly it felt like a brush of wind against my cheek and
nothing more. "I love you so much that I feel like my heart will
burst."
I smiled through my tears and reached out so that I could touch
his face gently. "I love you," I whispered back, not daring to raise my
voice any higher and break the spell cast on us.
A sharp knock on the door broke us apart and the doctor on call
entered the room. He was a tall man, taller than Mamo-chan, with both
thinning hair and a receding hairline. His height and weight didn't go
together at all and it seemed that he might blow away should a strong
wind come along. He pulled a pair of thin reading glasses from his
jacket pocket and scanned over the chart in his hands before looking
up. "Mamoru, what a surprise," he said warmly to my husband.
"Adaru," Mamo-chan greeted with a curt nod of his head.
He cleared his throat, looking at me and then the chart again.
"Okay, what I'm going to do get an ultra sound done and see what's
going on with the little one. It sounds like nothing, but we should
take a look to be sure." There was yet another knock on the door and he
reached for the handle. "That should be the equipment now."
The nurse prepared the equipment, all the while leaving me to
wish that Ami's mom could be in today. I felt much more relaxed with
Dr. Mizuno than I did with this stranger, even if Mamo-chan did know
him. Still I was relieved when he began the ultra sound and the sound
of my baby's heartbeat filled the room. He pointed to the screen,
unsurely it seemed to me. "There's the little one. The heartbeat is a
little slower than normal, but it's not so much that it could mean a
problem," he explained quickly, feeling me flinch.
In a few minutes he finished, turning the equipment off and
handing a towel to Mamo-chan to help me get the gel off my stomach. He
made a few notes on his chart and then waited for the nurse to leave
before speaking. Anxiously I waited, gripping Mamo-chan's hand with a
strength I didn't know I had in me.
"The OB-GYN on call tonight is delivering a baby c-section, and
can't get away to see you. I'm no expert on the subject, but I can see
no reason for alarm tonight. You're blood pressure is a little high,
but that is most likely from your excitement over being here," he began
and I felt the air trapped in my lungs finally release. "However, I do
want you to follow up with Dr. Mizuno first thing in the morning. And
you'll need to go straight home and to bed."
Mamo-chan cast a weary glance at me and then to the doctor. "If
everything is okay, why is that necessary?"
The doctor raised his hand up, smiling as he waved the air like
he was moving aside smoke. "Just a precaution, nothing more." He
started out of the room, turning back one more time. "Remember, first
thing in the morning."
I nodded, looking at Mamo-chan with curiosity. He shrugged,
helping me off the bed. "It is late, Usako," my husband said in an off
hand way. "And the ER is packed, we can see Dr. Mizuno in a couple of
hours just to be one-hundred percent sure everything is fine."
I mumbled my agreement, yawning at the same time. But I didn't
feel any better for the quick examination I received. I supposed my
worries would have to wait just a little longer.
@------
That night I lay in bed, tossing and turning, but unable to claim
sleep for my own. At three o'clock I heard Chibi-Usa begin to stir, and
then cry my name softly. Since she almost never cried when she woke up
at night, I reached over and shook Mamo-chan. My soul mate didn't
respond after the second time, so I slid out of the bed and went to her
room.
"Mama," she mumbled, coughing a little. She held her chubby arms
up for me to pick her up and I did so quickly, sitting in the rocking
chair. I rocked back and forth slowly, humming to a tune that played in
my head.
Her coughing only grew worse, it seemed, as the night went on. I
gave her an infant's dose of cough syrup, but the sun was coming up
over the ocean before she finally drifted off to sleep. Still holding
her close to my heart, I let my head fall to the side where I also fell
asleep.
I didn't get much sleep, however. At seven o'clock I heard the
bedroom door creak open and seen Mamo-chan step in and smile at me. I
smiled back, trying to blink back the persistent burning in my eyes.
"Good morning," he whispered, taking Chibi-Usa and putting her in the
crib.
I stretched my arms out, rubbing the red area on my arm where
Chibi-Usa's head had laid. "Good morning." I stood up, but my balance
wasn't very good when I was working on only an hour of sleep. Mamo-chan
stepped forward and wrapped both arms around me and helped me to stand.
"Your appointment is in an hour, are you sure you're going to be
awake enough?" my husband asked, half joking and half serious, I think.
"Hai, I just need to take a shower to get me awake," I said,
rubbing my eyes as I pulled away from him and started towards the
bathroom. "Mako-chan should be here shortly for Chibi-Usa and Shingo,
make sure you pack some of Chibi-Usa's cough syrup in her diaper bag."
I didn't wait for a response, just walked into our room to start
rummaging for something to wear.
Little did I know how my life was about to change. And that in
just a few short hours, I would understand why Setsuna always looked at
me with sadness.
@------
"Chiba Usagi."
I looked up from the magazine I had been reading and saw a nurse
standing at the door waiting for me. I put the book aside and stood up,
taking Mamo-chan's hand as I followed her back to the examination room.
The nurse handed me a gown to change into and left us alone.
Dr. Mizuno was with us rather quickly, not even five minutes
later, in fact. She smiled brightly as she came in the door, but in my
gut I could feel that same dread as I did last night. That something
was wrong, very wrong. I tried to shake it off and listen to what she
was saying.
"I have the report that was filled out last night at the ER, it
was delivered this morning by courier. Have you had any more spotting
since then?" Dr. Mizuno asked in her normal bright, cheerful voice.
"No," I replied, shaking my head as if to confirm it.
She looked relieved as she stood up. "Then let's just take a look
and double check."
I nodded my head and she began. Mamo-chan watched as eagerly as I
did to the screen, looking for the tiny form that was our child. This
early in my pregnancy, everything on the screen pretty much looked the
same to me, so I didn't really notice anything wrong until I couldn't
hear the heartbeat on the monitor.
Dr. Mizuno, unknowingly, allowed her face to turn worried for a
second before she caught herself. She said nothing the entire time, not
showing us the heartbeat, the baby - not saying a word. I felt my own
heart speed up at her silence and I reached for Mamo-chan's hand,
longing for some reassurance that everything was okay.
"Dr. Mizuno?" I whispered, tears already forming a hazy mist over
my vision.
In response she turned the machine off and stared beyond me for a
moment before clearing her throat. "You may get dressed now. I'll be
back in a moment." Before I could react, she walked quickly out of the
room and shut the door firmly behind her.
I felt my breath catch in my throat and I turned to my husband,
only to see a look of identical fear on his face. Robotically I stood
up and got dressed, not thinking or seeing anything that processed to
my mind. Mamo-chan said not a word, just stared at his clasped hands as
we waited for Dr. Mizuno to return.
It seemed an eternity passed before the door opened again. Dr.
Mizuno walked in, sitting quickly in a chair across from us and folding
her hands in her lap. When she finally lifted her eyes to meet us, they
were full of tears. I felt a sob catch in my throat when she began to
speak.
"There is a condition that effects about fifty percent of women
in their first trimester called blighted ovum. A fertilized egg will
attach itself to the uterine wall, but doesn't develop. The cells will
form a pregnancy sac, but not an embryo." She took a deep breath, and I
felt the first tear fall from my eye. "It's nothing you've done, either
of you. In most cases it's a chromosomal problem."
I couldn't speak. My heart was pounding a mile a minute in my
chest as tears flowed openly from my eyes. I nearly choked on the
effort to breathe. Mamo-chan pulled me to his chest, nearly crushing me
against his ribs. But I didn't care, couldn't think straight enough to
care. All I could think was that this was my fault... my fault for
fighting Pharaoh 90. My fault...
"I'm deeply sorry, Usagi-chan. So sorry," Ami's mother whispered,
placing her hand on my shoulder before leaving the room. I couldn't say
anything to her, couldn't even lift my head up to respond.
When she was gone, Mamo-chan pulled me into his lap where he held
me close to his chest as I sobbed. He said nothing, only hugged me
tightly and let me cry for the child God took before I had a chance to
even hold her.
@------
The next day Dr. Mizuno performed a D&C and sent me home with
strict instructions to rest and take as much time off work as I felt I
needed. I cried for the better part of the day until I fell into an
exhausted sleep, only to wake up and cry again.
In the late afternoon I awoke suddenly, thinking I could hear
Chibi-Usa crying, even though she was still at Mako-chan's. I sat up on
the bed slowly, the bottom of my stomach echoing a dull ache. The
bedroom was empty except for Luna, who slept on the foot of the bed.
Taking each step as slow as if I were dragging myself through thick
mud, I made my way to the living room to look for Mamo-chan.
I finally found him out on the balcony, leaning on the railing
and staring up at the faint moon in the afternoon sky. I went to him,
wrapping my weak arms around his chest and laying my head on his back.
I stood there for a few minutes, but he never responded to my presence.
I felt my tears come again at the thought of what that could mean.
At last I could take the silence no longer and pushed the air
from my lungs. "You think it's my fault, too, don't you? My fault for
fighting Pharaoh 90 when I knew I was pregnant. I thought I was Sailor
Moon, and invincible... I didn't know.... I would never hav--" I
stopped suddenly when Mamo-chan turned, locking me in his arms so
tightly I could barely breathe.
"No!" he insisted loudly, his voice booming from his chest. "I
don't blame you. Don't say that, understand? There was nothing you
could have done." I felt a small drop of what felt like rain hit my
head, seeping down a strand of my hair. Again I felt another one as
Mamo-chan tried to stop a sob from leaving his throat. He succeeded and
only continued to cry quietly. "It just wasn't meant to be right now,"
he whispered, struggling with the words. "It just wasn't meant to be."
As the afternoon sunlight disappeared beyond the horizon, I clung
to my only life boat in a strange world that seem to only want to throw
heartache at me. The tears fell in a silent stream that wouldn't stop
and my heart ached for the new angel Heaven had tonight.
--End Chapter 10.
;_; I know, half of you will kill me - even my editor said this was very
unexpected. What can I say? I like the element of surprise ^^;
This book only has two, maybe three chapters left, so stick with me, k?
^_^ There will be another book in this series, maybe two more - unless
you all stop reading it - then I'll stop writing. I have another story
in the works, it's the first in another series that deals with all of
the Senshi's past, how they came to be a Sailor Senshi and what shaped
their personalities, etc. The first installment is called "Beyond the
Staff". I'm not sure when I'll start releasing the stories, but if you
want a preview, I'll be happy to send it to you in exchange for your
thoughts, ideas, or suggestions about what is done so far and what
will still be to come.
If you are still here, you are entitled to know that I do not in any
shape, form or fashion own Sailor Moon or the characters I have borrowed
from the show. I do claim the characters I created, and this story line,
please don't copy - it's not nice ^-^ More thanks than I can possiably
type in these author's notes go to my wonderful editor, Meara. And to
all the people who take a few minutes of their time to email me their
thoughts on my work, you are more appreciated than you will ever know.
Stayed tuned next week for Chapter 11 - Life Goes On.
@------
No Greater Love
Chapter 10 - An Angel for Heaven
By: Bethany
Editor: Meara
Rated: PG
@------
I watched, amused, as my husband stood on a kitchen table chair
and took down the pictures from Chibi-Usa's bedroom wall. Even as tall
as he was, there was some things beyond his reach. As he handed another
down to me, I wrapped them in newspaper and placed them in a box.
Anywhere the eye looked there was boxes and newspaper, it seemed,
and as it had been the case since the earlier part of the week. After
the battle with Pharaoh 90, Mamo-chan transferred out of his job at the
labs and to Tokyo University Hospital. The chief of staff was so
impressed with his knowledge and skills that just one month later they
gave him a promotion.
With the new job came more money and thus the decision to buy a
house rather than to continue to pay rent on an apartment. I was so
excited by the prospect of our first house together that I begged Mamo-
chan to get us moved in as soon as possible. I had no idea that that
would mean I had one week to pack up our belongings. At the beginning
of the week while Mamo-chan was at work, the girls had came over and
helped pack up most of our stuff. The only thing left was Chibi-Usa's
nursery, our bedroom and then the clothing and toiletries we used
daily.
As Saturday drew closer, I became more excited. It wasn't a very
large house we were moving to, but it meant a yard for Chibi-Usa and
Shingo to play in. Also the privacy that came with going from my car to
my front door, rather than up twelve floors and down a hall.
Unthinking, I picked up the box of pictures and started out the
door with it. "Usako," I heard Mamo-chan say lowly. "Just where do you
think you're going with that?"
I turned, blinking innocently. I was nearly four months pregnant,
and I hadn't begun to show at all. That didn't stop Mamo-chan, or the
other Senshi from remembering that I was pregnant, though. Especially
this week I was scolded time and time again about picking up boxes or
moving furniture that was heavy. So even before my eyes reached my
husbands scowling ones, I knew what was coming. And it was getting a
little irritating. "In the living room," I replied evenly.
"Usako," my husband growled playfully, stepping off the chair and
coming towards me. "You'll do no such thing. You're preg--"
"Hai, I'm pregnant!" I replied, a little more forcefully than I
would have liked. "It doesn't mean I'm an invalid!"
Mamo-chan actually looked a little hurt at my outburst and I
regretted it immediately. I should be thinking how good I had it. At
least I had a faithful husband that stood by me. Maybe I should think
about that instead of being mad about not proving my independence day
in and day out. I sighed, holding the box out to him. "Gomen," I
mumbled so softly that I'm not sure if I said it, or mouthed it.
Mamo-chan took the box, put it down, and pulled me close to him.
I let my head fall against his chest, letting out a deep breath at the
same time. "Usako, perhaps you should let me take care of the rest of
our packing, ne? I know that you have your hands full with the
children, you don't need all this added stress."
I didn't have the strength to argue. I simply nodded my head and
allowed Mamo-chan to kiss my lips and then sit me in the rocking chair
by Chibi-Usa's window. I looked out on the city from our apartment
twelve stories up and thought about what it would feel like to look out
my window and into a yard full of toys for my children. It warmed my
body and a smile came unbidden to my lips.
Mamo-chan came back in the room with yet another empty box and
smiled at me. "What do you look so happy about?" he asked, putting the
box down and throwing stuffed animals in it.
"Just thinking about how nice it will be to look out Chibi-Usa's
bedroom window and see trees and birds, rather than buildings and
cars." My husband smiled back as I stood up, stretching my arms up as I
did so. "I think I'll go lay down for a while."
"Are you okay?" Mamo-chan asked immediately, concern etched in
his normal relaxed features. "Do you still feel sick?"
"No, no. I'm just tired. I didn't get much sleep with Chibi-Usa
coughing all night. I think I need to make her an appointment with the
doctor, she might be coming down with something," I explained, going
out of the room. "Wake me up about four o'clock so I can make dinner."
I walked out of the room and across the hall to the bedroom I
shared with my husband. On the foot of my bed, curled up in a black
ball, was Luna. She looked up as I entered, and stretched her front
legs out. "Are you done packing the little one's room?" she inquired
idly as she began washing her face.
I laid on the bed, the softness of my pillow calling to me. As I
snuggled under the covers Luna came to sit in front of me. "No, Mamo-
chan is finishing up."
I closed my eyes, but I could still feel Luna's stare on me. I
peeked out from under my half closed lids. "What?"
"Are you alright, Usagi-chan? You've been sleeping a lot lately,
even though Motoki cut back your hours at work." She paused, still
staring at me curiously.
"I'm just tired, I'll be okay," I told her, turning over so as to
end the conversation.
Luna wasn't easily persuaded. "It just seems a little odd to me
that you were still getting sick into your third month and you are so
tired all the time. When you were pregnant with Chibi-Usa, by your
fourth month you had your energy back."
"Dr. Mizuno says that I'm fine and that if I'm tired, to rest.
Simple as that," I told her, burring myself more under the covers. I
waited, but Luna had stopped her nagging for the moment. For that I was
grateful.
Even though my guardian cat had stopped talking, it didn't stop
me from thinking about what she had said. I was doing everything right,
even cutting down my hours at work. Mamo-chan wasn't about to let me do
any heavy lifting and the girls took the children out one day a week so
that Mamo-chan and I could have time to ourselves. But it seemed that
when I had time to myself, all I wanted to do was sleep. I sighed,
thinking that I should do something besides lay in the bed.
With my mind made up, I got up and went into the bathroom to find
the bubble bath. There wasn't anything more relaxing than a warm bath
and maybe I could perk myself up enough to go out to dinner tonight.
When the tub was full I turned the radio on a soft rock station
and undressed. I didn't notice it until I picked my clothes up to put
them in the laundry basket, but I had been spotting. Not bad, but there
was enough blood on my clothing that I felt alarm speed my heart beat
up. I turned the water off and went into the bedroom to put on clean
clothing. I felt tears spring to my eyes, but brushed them away
quickly.
As long as I live, I will never forget the look on my soul mate's
face when I walked into the nursery and he turned to me. "Usako?!" he
exclaimed, dropping the pieces of the changing table and rushing across
the room to me. "What's wrong? Why is your face so pale?"
Again I felt the tears well up in my eyes, and this time I wasn't
fast enough to stop one from falling down my face. "It's probably
nothing," I said, but my voice shook from the fear of the idea that
something could be wrong. "I'm just bleeding a little..."
"How bad?" I had seen this look only a few times before. This
wasn't my husband talking anymore, but Dr. Chiba. His face was serious
and his features unreadable. I just stared at him. "How bad, Usako?" he
demanded, grasping my shoulders.
"I.. I don't know if it's bad," I whispered hoarsely and felt my
knees weaken. Visions of the blood stain flashed before my eyes
hauntingly. "Mamo-chan, I'm scared," I cried softly, falling into his
arms.
"Mamoru-san?" I heard Luna say, rushing into the room. "What's
wrong?"
"I'm taking Usako to the emergency room. It's probably nothing,
but we should be safe," he explained, practically carrying me towards
the door and down the hall. "Please call Makoto and ask her to keep the
kids until I call her." I never heard Luna answer, just the sound of
the door clicking softly as we rushed down the hall.
Mamoru opened the door for me and then hurried around the other
side of the car. We sped out of the parking garage, leaving tire marks
at the entry, I'm sure. A part of me felt like I was making too big of
a deal out of this. Spotting was normal for pregnant women, even if I
hadn't spotted with Chibi-Usa. But another part of me, a part that was
always wondering why I stayed sick and tired so long, was screaming
this was not a good sign. I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my
arms around my legs as I stared at the passing scenery with no
interest. Pressing my forehead to the window pane, I barely noticed
that it was cold or that Mamo-chan had turned the heater on. Was it
fall already?
No, I thought, that can't be right. Chibi-Usa had turned a year
old in May, the fight with Pharaoh 90 was in June - what did that make
this? September? I couldn't think, my stomach felt hollow and yet upset
like I was going to be sick at any same time. I cleared my head of all
thoughts and closed my eyes, nearly falling asleep when the car came to
a screeching halt outside the hospital.
"Stay here," Mamo-chan said in a soothing tone. "I'll go get a
wheelchair." Before I could protest, he was out of the car and running
towards the double doors.
It didn't seem like more than five seconds had passed when Mamo-
chan came running back out the doors with a wheelchair; two ER
attendants behind him. The two men stood by the open door as Mamo-chan
lifted me out of the car and into the wheelchair, all the while I
protested that I could walk. "Just relax, sweetheart. I'll take care of
everything," he assured me in a small, soothing voice that he usually
reserved for our daughter when she woke up in the night.
I could feel my head starting to ache as I was wheeled in by the
attendant. Mamo-chan stood at my side, talking quickly to the two men
about my symptoms. I stared around the ER in surprise at the number of
people. Every chair was full, forcing some people to stand. Just as I
was being wheeled through a set of double doors, a nurse came up to
Mamo-chan and handed him a clipboard. "Chiba-san, I need you to fill
out these forms, please."
"But my wife..." I heard my husband protest just as the automatic
doors shut. I turned to look back, but the only thing I could see was
the beige colored doors sealed tightly together. I sighed and turned
around.
One of the two men left us, and the older man pushing me felt no
need for communication. He pushed me swiftly down a hall and into a
small room that was barely big enough to turn around in. "The doctor
will be with your shortly," he informed, never once meeting my eyes, or
heaven forbid - smile. "Who is your OBG-YN?"
"Dr. Mizuno," I answered, my head beginning to ache more by the
second. "Will she be available?"
"I'm afraid that she is off today," he answered shortly, starting
out of the room. "The ER is full tonight, so it maybe a while before
someone can see you. But because of your reasons for being here, it
won't be that much longer."
I felt another wave of panic crash into my mind. I shook my head,
looking at him as if he were crazy. "Call Dr. Mizuno, she'll come," I
said, but he seemed to not hear me as he shut the door and left me
alone.
I bit on my thumb nail as the seconds ticked by. The time on the
digital clock read 5:43 when he left, and it was now 5:55. It seemed
like more than an hour had passed. I found myself wondering back over
what I had done since I found out I was pregnant, other than the fight
with Pharaoh 90 I had been the obedient pregnant woman; doing
everything that Dr. Mizuno instructed and then some. What had I done
wrong?
So lost in my thoughts about my baby's well being was I that I
jumped when someone knocked on the door. Without waiting for a reply, a
short plump woman in a nurse's uniform walked in. Her body looked even
larger in the white coat, and arms that seemed shaped like rolling pins
stuck out from the sleeves. Yet she had a friendly smile when I meet
her green eyes and I felt relaxed, as if I were with a kindly
grandmother.
"Hello dear," she said, sitting down on a small stool and
bringing it closer to the wheel chair I still sat in. "Your name is
Chiba Usagi?" I nodded my head slightly. "Good, good. Now, I see that
you are thirteen weeks with your second child."
"Yes Ma'am," I replied in a whisper. My throat felt dry and
irritated and it seemed that no matter how many times I ran my tongue
over my lips, they remained dry. Without a word, the woman stood up and
filled a cup with some water and handed it to me. "Arigato." I smiled
gratefully and took the cup.
She sat down again and reopened the file in her hands when the
door burst open, nearly hitting her back. On the other side was Mamo-
chan, looking more than a little angry and upset. "Usako!" Behind him I
heard a man shout and Mamo-chan quickly came in the room and shut the
door behind him.
I looked at the door, at my husband and then to the door again.
The nurse hid her startled look and cleared her throat. "You are Chiba
Mamoru, I presume?" she asked in the same kind voice she spoke to me
in.
My husband nodded his head, still listening to the noise in the
hallway. "That was different," I quipped, trying to grab his attention.
You would think he was running from youma by the look on his face.
"Problems, Mamo-chan?" I received no reply, only a disgruntled grunt
and a nasty look towards the door again.
The nurse shook her head, smiling as she did so. "You young
people today..." she said and laughed a little to herself. "Now, Chiba-
san, why are you here today?"
I cringed at the memory of the blood on my clothing, but shook it
from my mind. "I've bleed some," I admitted, feeling my heart speed up
again. "But I've had no pain or anything else."
"Any other discharges?" she asked without looking up.
"No, not that I know of." Mamo-chan came to me, placing a kiss on
my forehead as he sat in the chair against the wall and reached for my
hand. I tried to hide my fear, but something deep in me was saying that
something was wrong. I squeezed my husband's hand, feeling tears well
up in my eyes.
The nurse took my temperature, blood pressure and weight before
she left the room with the promise that a doctor would be with us
shortly. Mamo-chan had lifted me up and laid me on the table where I
currently laid, staring at the wall.
"Hey," my soul-mate whispered in my ear, brushing a piece of
golden hair from my eyes. "You know what?"
I turned my face towards him, the tear trails on my face as I
meet his blue eyes. "What?" I mumbled.
I felt him cup my face in his palm, brushing a tear from my
cheek. When our eyes meet I felt all the emotions of a man so
completely in love there was no way out, fill me inside. "I love you,"
he said, so softly it felt like a brush of wind against my cheek and
nothing more. "I love you so much that I feel like my heart will
burst."
I smiled through my tears and reached out so that I could touch
his face gently. "I love you," I whispered back, not daring to raise my
voice any higher and break the spell cast on us.
A sharp knock on the door broke us apart and the doctor on call
entered the room. He was a tall man, taller than Mamo-chan, with both
thinning hair and a receding hairline. His height and weight didn't go
together at all and it seemed that he might blow away should a strong
wind come along. He pulled a pair of thin reading glasses from his
jacket pocket and scanned over the chart in his hands before looking
up. "Mamoru, what a surprise," he said warmly to my husband.
"Adaru," Mamo-chan greeted with a curt nod of his head.
He cleared his throat, looking at me and then the chart again.
"Okay, what I'm going to do get an ultra sound done and see what's
going on with the little one. It sounds like nothing, but we should
take a look to be sure." There was yet another knock on the door and he
reached for the handle. "That should be the equipment now."
The nurse prepared the equipment, all the while leaving me to
wish that Ami's mom could be in today. I felt much more relaxed with
Dr. Mizuno than I did with this stranger, even if Mamo-chan did know
him. Still I was relieved when he began the ultra sound and the sound
of my baby's heartbeat filled the room. He pointed to the screen,
unsurely it seemed to me. "There's the little one. The heartbeat is a
little slower than normal, but it's not so much that it could mean a
problem," he explained quickly, feeling me flinch.
In a few minutes he finished, turning the equipment off and
handing a towel to Mamo-chan to help me get the gel off my stomach. He
made a few notes on his chart and then waited for the nurse to leave
before speaking. Anxiously I waited, gripping Mamo-chan's hand with a
strength I didn't know I had in me.
"The OB-GYN on call tonight is delivering a baby c-section, and
can't get away to see you. I'm no expert on the subject, but I can see
no reason for alarm tonight. You're blood pressure is a little high,
but that is most likely from your excitement over being here," he began
and I felt the air trapped in my lungs finally release. "However, I do
want you to follow up with Dr. Mizuno first thing in the morning. And
you'll need to go straight home and to bed."
Mamo-chan cast a weary glance at me and then to the doctor. "If
everything is okay, why is that necessary?"
The doctor raised his hand up, smiling as he waved the air like
he was moving aside smoke. "Just a precaution, nothing more." He
started out of the room, turning back one more time. "Remember, first
thing in the morning."
I nodded, looking at Mamo-chan with curiosity. He shrugged,
helping me off the bed. "It is late, Usako," my husband said in an off
hand way. "And the ER is packed, we can see Dr. Mizuno in a couple of
hours just to be one-hundred percent sure everything is fine."
I mumbled my agreement, yawning at the same time. But I didn't
feel any better for the quick examination I received. I supposed my
worries would have to wait just a little longer.
@------
That night I lay in bed, tossing and turning, but unable to claim
sleep for my own. At three o'clock I heard Chibi-Usa begin to stir, and
then cry my name softly. Since she almost never cried when she woke up
at night, I reached over and shook Mamo-chan. My soul mate didn't
respond after the second time, so I slid out of the bed and went to her
room.
"Mama," she mumbled, coughing a little. She held her chubby arms
up for me to pick her up and I did so quickly, sitting in the rocking
chair. I rocked back and forth slowly, humming to a tune that played in
my head.
Her coughing only grew worse, it seemed, as the night went on. I
gave her an infant's dose of cough syrup, but the sun was coming up
over the ocean before she finally drifted off to sleep. Still holding
her close to my heart, I let my head fall to the side where I also fell
asleep.
I didn't get much sleep, however. At seven o'clock I heard the
bedroom door creak open and seen Mamo-chan step in and smile at me. I
smiled back, trying to blink back the persistent burning in my eyes.
"Good morning," he whispered, taking Chibi-Usa and putting her in the
crib.
I stretched my arms out, rubbing the red area on my arm where
Chibi-Usa's head had laid. "Good morning." I stood up, but my balance
wasn't very good when I was working on only an hour of sleep. Mamo-chan
stepped forward and wrapped both arms around me and helped me to stand.
"Your appointment is in an hour, are you sure you're going to be
awake enough?" my husband asked, half joking and half serious, I think.
"Hai, I just need to take a shower to get me awake," I said,
rubbing my eyes as I pulled away from him and started towards the
bathroom. "Mako-chan should be here shortly for Chibi-Usa and Shingo,
make sure you pack some of Chibi-Usa's cough syrup in her diaper bag."
I didn't wait for a response, just walked into our room to start
rummaging for something to wear.
Little did I know how my life was about to change. And that in
just a few short hours, I would understand why Setsuna always looked at
me with sadness.
@------
"Chiba Usagi."
I looked up from the magazine I had been reading and saw a nurse
standing at the door waiting for me. I put the book aside and stood up,
taking Mamo-chan's hand as I followed her back to the examination room.
The nurse handed me a gown to change into and left us alone.
Dr. Mizuno was with us rather quickly, not even five minutes
later, in fact. She smiled brightly as she came in the door, but in my
gut I could feel that same dread as I did last night. That something
was wrong, very wrong. I tried to shake it off and listen to what she
was saying.
"I have the report that was filled out last night at the ER, it
was delivered this morning by courier. Have you had any more spotting
since then?" Dr. Mizuno asked in her normal bright, cheerful voice.
"No," I replied, shaking my head as if to confirm it.
She looked relieved as she stood up. "Then let's just take a look
and double check."
I nodded my head and she began. Mamo-chan watched as eagerly as I
did to the screen, looking for the tiny form that was our child. This
early in my pregnancy, everything on the screen pretty much looked the
same to me, so I didn't really notice anything wrong until I couldn't
hear the heartbeat on the monitor.
Dr. Mizuno, unknowingly, allowed her face to turn worried for a
second before she caught herself. She said nothing the entire time, not
showing us the heartbeat, the baby - not saying a word. I felt my own
heart speed up at her silence and I reached for Mamo-chan's hand,
longing for some reassurance that everything was okay.
"Dr. Mizuno?" I whispered, tears already forming a hazy mist over
my vision.
In response she turned the machine off and stared beyond me for a
moment before clearing her throat. "You may get dressed now. I'll be
back in a moment." Before I could react, she walked quickly out of the
room and shut the door firmly behind her.
I felt my breath catch in my throat and I turned to my husband,
only to see a look of identical fear on his face. Robotically I stood
up and got dressed, not thinking or seeing anything that processed to
my mind. Mamo-chan said not a word, just stared at his clasped hands as
we waited for Dr. Mizuno to return.
It seemed an eternity passed before the door opened again. Dr.
Mizuno walked in, sitting quickly in a chair across from us and folding
her hands in her lap. When she finally lifted her eyes to meet us, they
were full of tears. I felt a sob catch in my throat when she began to
speak.
"There is a condition that effects about fifty percent of women
in their first trimester called blighted ovum. A fertilized egg will
attach itself to the uterine wall, but doesn't develop. The cells will
form a pregnancy sac, but not an embryo." She took a deep breath, and I
felt the first tear fall from my eye. "It's nothing you've done, either
of you. In most cases it's a chromosomal problem."
I couldn't speak. My heart was pounding a mile a minute in my
chest as tears flowed openly from my eyes. I nearly choked on the
effort to breathe. Mamo-chan pulled me to his chest, nearly crushing me
against his ribs. But I didn't care, couldn't think straight enough to
care. All I could think was that this was my fault... my fault for
fighting Pharaoh 90. My fault...
"I'm deeply sorry, Usagi-chan. So sorry," Ami's mother whispered,
placing her hand on my shoulder before leaving the room. I couldn't say
anything to her, couldn't even lift my head up to respond.
When she was gone, Mamo-chan pulled me into his lap where he held
me close to his chest as I sobbed. He said nothing, only hugged me
tightly and let me cry for the child God took before I had a chance to
even hold her.
@------
The next day Dr. Mizuno performed a D&C and sent me home with
strict instructions to rest and take as much time off work as I felt I
needed. I cried for the better part of the day until I fell into an
exhausted sleep, only to wake up and cry again.
In the late afternoon I awoke suddenly, thinking I could hear
Chibi-Usa crying, even though she was still at Mako-chan's. I sat up on
the bed slowly, the bottom of my stomach echoing a dull ache. The
bedroom was empty except for Luna, who slept on the foot of the bed.
Taking each step as slow as if I were dragging myself through thick
mud, I made my way to the living room to look for Mamo-chan.
I finally found him out on the balcony, leaning on the railing
and staring up at the faint moon in the afternoon sky. I went to him,
wrapping my weak arms around his chest and laying my head on his back.
I stood there for a few minutes, but he never responded to my presence.
I felt my tears come again at the thought of what that could mean.
At last I could take the silence no longer and pushed the air
from my lungs. "You think it's my fault, too, don't you? My fault for
fighting Pharaoh 90 when I knew I was pregnant. I thought I was Sailor
Moon, and invincible... I didn't know.... I would never hav--" I
stopped suddenly when Mamo-chan turned, locking me in his arms so
tightly I could barely breathe.
"No!" he insisted loudly, his voice booming from his chest. "I
don't blame you. Don't say that, understand? There was nothing you
could have done." I felt a small drop of what felt like rain hit my
head, seeping down a strand of my hair. Again I felt another one as
Mamo-chan tried to stop a sob from leaving his throat. He succeeded and
only continued to cry quietly. "It just wasn't meant to be right now,"
he whispered, struggling with the words. "It just wasn't meant to be."
As the afternoon sunlight disappeared beyond the horizon, I clung
to my only life boat in a strange world that seem to only want to throw
heartache at me. The tears fell in a silent stream that wouldn't stop
and my heart ached for the new angel Heaven had tonight.
--End Chapter 10.
;_; I know, half of you will kill me - even my editor said this was very
unexpected. What can I say? I like the element of surprise ^^;
This book only has two, maybe three chapters left, so stick with me, k?
^_^ There will be another book in this series, maybe two more - unless
you all stop reading it - then I'll stop writing. I have another story
in the works, it's the first in another series that deals with all of
the Senshi's past, how they came to be a Sailor Senshi and what shaped
their personalities, etc. The first installment is called "Beyond the
Staff". I'm not sure when I'll start releasing the stories, but if you
want a preview, I'll be happy to send it to you in exchange for your
thoughts, ideas, or suggestions about what is done so far and what
will still be to come.
If you are still here, you are entitled to know that I do not in any
shape, form or fashion own Sailor Moon or the characters I have borrowed
from the show. I do claim the characters I created, and this story line,
please don't copy - it's not nice ^-^ More thanks than I can possiably
type in these author's notes go to my wonderful editor, Meara. And to
all the people who take a few minutes of their time to email me their
thoughts on my work, you are more appreciated than you will ever know.
Stayed tuned next week for Chapter 11 - Life Goes On.