Who's the Lamest of Them All?
A/N: Hey and Howdy! This is just an idea I had during school one day, so I started to write it. I know it is really pathetic, but it amused my friends, and me and I wanted to share some of my lame jokes with all of you. Some of them only make sense if you say them out loud. Please R/R, and try to be nice. Flames are excepted because I am desperate for any reviews. Oh, and if you have any lame jokes, tell me because I do a lame joke of the day at school. (Yes everyone at my school, it is back by "popular" demand!) So.Enjoy!
Disclaimer: If I owned it do you really think that I would be posting THIS? Nothing is mine, except the Lame Joke of the Day Calendar. Everything else belongs to the Great Goddess Tamora Pierce.
Now.on with the story!
"What's brown and sticky?" Neal asked over the library table that their study group was sitting at.
"That isn't one of our homework questions is it?" Roald asked, as serious as ever.
"No stupid, it's a joke! Umm.maybe, oh I know.HONEY!" Owen answered.
"No, honey is more golden yellow. I bet it's."
Ignoring them all, and reveling in his lameness, Neal screamed out, "A STICK!!! Before breaking out in random laughter.
"That was very un-jolly!" Owen exclaimed as the group left the library after being kicked out for being too loud. "That has to be the lamest joke ever."
"No it isn't! I have much lamer ones." Cleon interrupted.
"Wanna bet?"
"Yeah."
"Alright, meet me on the practice courts tomorrow at sixth bell and we'll duel it out. Be there or be a geometric figure with four equal sides and angles." Neal finished his speech and stalked off dramatically, tripping over his feet.
"Did that even make sense?" Faleron wondered out loud as the group split up to go to their rooms.
~*~*~*~The next day~*~*~*~
News spread quickly, and the next day a few minutes before the sixth bell, a crowd of people, nobles and servants alike gathered at the practice courts. Unfortunately, as rumors often do, the truth got a little.mixed up. All that the surveyors knew was that it was a duel. They had heard nothing about the lame jokes.
As the challenged, Cleon chose the terms of the duel, and the winner was to receive ten gold nobles. Cleon also told the first joke. As he began to speak, a hush fell over the crowd. "What did the acorn say when he grew up?" He asked.
A murmur went up, "What?" The people asked, "I thought this was a duel."
Once again his voice rang out. "Gee, I'm a tree!" (Geometry)
As many people left in disgust, and Owen once again remarked, "that was very un-jolly!" Joren and his cronies exchanged confused looks before announcing that they "didn't get it!"
Neal stepped up in front of the severely diminished crowd to tell his joke. "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?" After a dramatic pause, he screamed out, "A STICK!"
Many groans followed as Cleon stepped up. "How do you stop a stormwing from tearing up your backseat?" When no one replied, he cried out, "Make it sit in the front! HAHAHAHAHA!"
Joren and his friends, who still didn't understand the jokes, said, "but then your carriage smells. He should fly."
When Neal told his joke, "What kind of a toad has legs, but doesn't jump?" Garvey and Vinson simultaneously yelled out the utterly absurd answer, "A Dead One!" Before engaging themselves in a jinx contest followed by a rousing game of patty-cake. (A/N: In case you couldn't tell yet, I love mocking them!)
Neal immediately told the distracted pair, "No, stupids, a toad stool!"
Garvey and Vinson soon finished their game of patty-cake and began to play Obo-shin-otin-totin (or however you spell it) with Joren and Zahir. As they started that, Cleon stepped up to tell his next "funny" joke. "There were three people. One sat on grass, one sat on gravel, and one sat on sand!" (LOL FPS peeps)
Neal stepped up to complain, "That doesn't count! It isn't a real joke!"
When Faleron, the judge of the jokes, ruled that it didn't count, Cleon told another. "Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bay gulls!" (Bagels)
A reply came from the king as more people left, "Mmm.Bagels" And he rushed off to the kitchens for bagels and cream cheese.
Neal stepped up as he asked, "Have you heard the one about the bed?" As the small crowd remaining said no, he shouted out, "Neither have I, it hasn't been made yet!"
The crowd groaned at the patheticism (my own word) of the joke, and Neal stepped down oblivious to it all.
Cleon immediately told his next joke, "What has eighteen legs and catches flies?" And without waiting for an answer, he yelled out, "a baseball team!"
A murmur once more went through the crowd, if you can call such a small group of people that. "What is a baseball team?" One confused audience member asked. Cleon replied, "How should I know? I just read the joke out of my Lame Joke of the Day Calendar!"
Neal began to protest the use of an outside source, but Faleron ruled it fair as no rule said against it. And if it doesn't say you cant, then you can. So of course, Neal then pulled out the same calendar and read off, "What did the old lady say when her parrot flew away? Polly Gone!" (Polygon)
"Speaking of polygons, I know a joke about one too" Cleon jumped up to say, "What did the cursed man say when the spell was lifted? Hex-a-gone!" (Hexagon)
The silence was once more broken by the sound of Neal's voice saying, "What do you call a puke green dog?"
"Umm.Ugly?" Joren responded.
"Wait a minute, how did you know?"
After waiting a full minute, Joren replied smugly, "Well that's what we called our dog."
Cleon then jumped up excitedly and yelled, "Ooh! Ooh! I have a good one! What happens when you throw a black cat into the Red Sea?"
Daine jumped up, slapped him and left screaming, "Cruelty to animals!"
Cleon stood shocked for a moment before yelling, "It gets wet!"
Neal hopped to his feet. "That's nothing. Knock Knock!"
"Who's there?"
"The interrupting cow."
"The inter."
"MOOOOOO!!!"
Roald walked into the room then. "Oh, are we telling jokes? I have a good one. What's green, grows, and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels!" Then he laughed and turned to leave.
Faleron, after recovering from shock at the Crown Prince's joke called out, "Well, I think we have a winner, because nothing is lamer than that!"
Cleon and Neal walked off feeling defeated, as everyone else exited discussing the jokes.
~*~*~*~3 hours later~*~*~*~
King Jonathon entered the now empty practice court carrying a half-eaten bagel. "Where is everyone? I didn't get to tell my joke. How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE!" And with that, he sat down chuckling to himself.
The End.or is it?
A/N: I am very sorry if that was as pathetic as I think it was. But since you've taken the time to read it, couldn't you just make me a very happy person by reviewing? PLEASE!!! I have many other lame jokes, but give me any you have so that I can use them at school. Thanx! Tata
A/N: Hey and Howdy! This is just an idea I had during school one day, so I started to write it. I know it is really pathetic, but it amused my friends, and me and I wanted to share some of my lame jokes with all of you. Some of them only make sense if you say them out loud. Please R/R, and try to be nice. Flames are excepted because I am desperate for any reviews. Oh, and if you have any lame jokes, tell me because I do a lame joke of the day at school. (Yes everyone at my school, it is back by "popular" demand!) So.Enjoy!
Disclaimer: If I owned it do you really think that I would be posting THIS? Nothing is mine, except the Lame Joke of the Day Calendar. Everything else belongs to the Great Goddess Tamora Pierce.
Now.on with the story!
"What's brown and sticky?" Neal asked over the library table that their study group was sitting at.
"That isn't one of our homework questions is it?" Roald asked, as serious as ever.
"No stupid, it's a joke! Umm.maybe, oh I know.HONEY!" Owen answered.
"No, honey is more golden yellow. I bet it's."
Ignoring them all, and reveling in his lameness, Neal screamed out, "A STICK!!! Before breaking out in random laughter.
"That was very un-jolly!" Owen exclaimed as the group left the library after being kicked out for being too loud. "That has to be the lamest joke ever."
"No it isn't! I have much lamer ones." Cleon interrupted.
"Wanna bet?"
"Yeah."
"Alright, meet me on the practice courts tomorrow at sixth bell and we'll duel it out. Be there or be a geometric figure with four equal sides and angles." Neal finished his speech and stalked off dramatically, tripping over his feet.
"Did that even make sense?" Faleron wondered out loud as the group split up to go to their rooms.
~*~*~*~The next day~*~*~*~
News spread quickly, and the next day a few minutes before the sixth bell, a crowd of people, nobles and servants alike gathered at the practice courts. Unfortunately, as rumors often do, the truth got a little.mixed up. All that the surveyors knew was that it was a duel. They had heard nothing about the lame jokes.
As the challenged, Cleon chose the terms of the duel, and the winner was to receive ten gold nobles. Cleon also told the first joke. As he began to speak, a hush fell over the crowd. "What did the acorn say when he grew up?" He asked.
A murmur went up, "What?" The people asked, "I thought this was a duel."
Once again his voice rang out. "Gee, I'm a tree!" (Geometry)
As many people left in disgust, and Owen once again remarked, "that was very un-jolly!" Joren and his cronies exchanged confused looks before announcing that they "didn't get it!"
Neal stepped up in front of the severely diminished crowd to tell his joke. "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?" After a dramatic pause, he screamed out, "A STICK!"
Many groans followed as Cleon stepped up. "How do you stop a stormwing from tearing up your backseat?" When no one replied, he cried out, "Make it sit in the front! HAHAHAHAHA!"
Joren and his friends, who still didn't understand the jokes, said, "but then your carriage smells. He should fly."
When Neal told his joke, "What kind of a toad has legs, but doesn't jump?" Garvey and Vinson simultaneously yelled out the utterly absurd answer, "A Dead One!" Before engaging themselves in a jinx contest followed by a rousing game of patty-cake. (A/N: In case you couldn't tell yet, I love mocking them!)
Neal immediately told the distracted pair, "No, stupids, a toad stool!"
Garvey and Vinson soon finished their game of patty-cake and began to play Obo-shin-otin-totin (or however you spell it) with Joren and Zahir. As they started that, Cleon stepped up to tell his next "funny" joke. "There were three people. One sat on grass, one sat on gravel, and one sat on sand!" (LOL FPS peeps)
Neal stepped up to complain, "That doesn't count! It isn't a real joke!"
When Faleron, the judge of the jokes, ruled that it didn't count, Cleon told another. "Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bay gulls!" (Bagels)
A reply came from the king as more people left, "Mmm.Bagels" And he rushed off to the kitchens for bagels and cream cheese.
Neal stepped up as he asked, "Have you heard the one about the bed?" As the small crowd remaining said no, he shouted out, "Neither have I, it hasn't been made yet!"
The crowd groaned at the patheticism (my own word) of the joke, and Neal stepped down oblivious to it all.
Cleon immediately told his next joke, "What has eighteen legs and catches flies?" And without waiting for an answer, he yelled out, "a baseball team!"
A murmur once more went through the crowd, if you can call such a small group of people that. "What is a baseball team?" One confused audience member asked. Cleon replied, "How should I know? I just read the joke out of my Lame Joke of the Day Calendar!"
Neal began to protest the use of an outside source, but Faleron ruled it fair as no rule said against it. And if it doesn't say you cant, then you can. So of course, Neal then pulled out the same calendar and read off, "What did the old lady say when her parrot flew away? Polly Gone!" (Polygon)
"Speaking of polygons, I know a joke about one too" Cleon jumped up to say, "What did the cursed man say when the spell was lifted? Hex-a-gone!" (Hexagon)
The silence was once more broken by the sound of Neal's voice saying, "What do you call a puke green dog?"
"Umm.Ugly?" Joren responded.
"Wait a minute, how did you know?"
After waiting a full minute, Joren replied smugly, "Well that's what we called our dog."
Cleon then jumped up excitedly and yelled, "Ooh! Ooh! I have a good one! What happens when you throw a black cat into the Red Sea?"
Daine jumped up, slapped him and left screaming, "Cruelty to animals!"
Cleon stood shocked for a moment before yelling, "It gets wet!"
Neal hopped to his feet. "That's nothing. Knock Knock!"
"Who's there?"
"The interrupting cow."
"The inter."
"MOOOOOO!!!"
Roald walked into the room then. "Oh, are we telling jokes? I have a good one. What's green, grows, and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels!" Then he laughed and turned to leave.
Faleron, after recovering from shock at the Crown Prince's joke called out, "Well, I think we have a winner, because nothing is lamer than that!"
Cleon and Neal walked off feeling defeated, as everyone else exited discussing the jokes.
~*~*~*~3 hours later~*~*~*~
King Jonathon entered the now empty practice court carrying a half-eaten bagel. "Where is everyone? I didn't get to tell my joke. How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE!" And with that, he sat down chuckling to himself.
The End.or is it?
A/N: I am very sorry if that was as pathetic as I think it was. But since you've taken the time to read it, couldn't you just make me a very happy person by reviewing? PLEASE!!! I have many other lame jokes, but give me any you have so that I can use them at school. Thanx! Tata