The More I See
By David (DAG1064@aol.com)
Author's Notes: All the named characters in this fic are the property of Gainax Studios, the genius mastermind who gave us Neon Genesis Evangelion. I have created the character that is speaking in the course of this fic.
Ever wonder what goes through the mind of a Section Two officer who has been assigned to protect Shinji Ikari? This is his thoughts as he witnesses events unfold.
The More I See.
The five 'o clock alarm rings. I curse as I reach out for the clock and turn off the damned thing. I drag my tired ass out of bed and stumble into the kitchen and find the coffee pot has finished perking the coffee. I draw a cup from the cabinet and pour some coffee into the cup. As I turn around I see the bottle of scotch on the counter. After a moment I break down and pour some into the coffee and gulp it down. Both coffee and scotch sear my throat on the way down and I grimace at the taste. I feel a bit more alert now. I walk slowly into the bathroom and look at my reflection in the mirror. I do not look like the person I once was when I first joined Nerv. When I first joined Nerv I was excited at the prospect of working for a large organization dedicated to saving the world. Or so I thought. As I get dragged deeper and deeper into it I find that all is not what it seems. The Evangelions are scary enough. These things stand about 40 stories tall and are some kind of biomechanical robots. I have seen what they look like underneath all that metal after a fight and they scare me. That's not right. They frighten me. I am forced to swallow my fear and pretend not to see what it is I see. The worst thing about them? 14-year-old kids pilot them. Yeah. That's right. 14-year-old kids. Teenagers. They shouldn't be there. They should be out there with their friends going to parties and hanging out with friends. Not inside those things. Not right. Never right.
I walk out the front door of my tiny apartment and head off to my assignment. My job is to protect one Ikari Shinji. Yes, that one. He is the pilot of unit 01. He currently lives with his guardian, Major Katsuragi instead of his father. That's where he should be. With his father, Ikari Gendo. But his father is a very cold uncaring man. His father is the commander of Nerv. His father is the man who forced his son to pilot that...monstrosity. The man makes me angry at how he treats people, especially his son. There have been times that I've wanted to grab the man by the lapels of his jacket and slam him against the wall and try to knock some sense back into him. But I don't because I am afraid of the man. I have heard the stories of what he does to people who displease him. There's no conscious in him. There is nothing inside of him, not even a shred of emotion. The day he gave me my assignment I was in his office. It was a cold dark place and it scared me. I managed to keep myself in check and resolved to keep looking ahead. I had hoped to maybe intimidate him a little with my own hard gaze but when I looked into his eyes there was nothing there. No emotion, no warmth, nothing. Just an icy cold glare. He scared me. My nightmares are filled with him. One is of me floating in nothing. Then I feel something digging into my skin and I look to see fishing hooks going into my body. I feel myself being pulled across something and it is his office floor. I look up and see him reeling me in to his desk with a fishing rod laughing the whole time. The second one I find myself on a giant chessboard. He is sitting on one side and there is a faceless person shrouded in darkness on the other. I look around and recognize people. The three children are there. Gendo reaches down and moves us around the board at will. The opponent's pieces horribly kill some of us. Shinji looks at me with fear in his eyes and I feel hopelessly lost. I feel Gendo pick me up and carry me to my doom. The opponent's knight turns to face me and it is then I realize I am going to die. He raises his battle-axe overhead and just before it falls, the faceplate on the helmet falls off and I find myself looking into Gendo's face. He laughs hysterically as he brings the axe down on my head.
The third one I find myself lying on a wood floor motionless. I can't move. I am filled with fear at not being able to move. Suddenly I feel something moving my body. I feel myself being lifted up on my feet and I know it's not my doing. I discover strings attached to my feet, knees, hands, elbows, and my head. I look up to see Gendo's grinning face as he makes me dance across the stage. I turn to see the others are the same way and I realize too late that Gendo had become a master of puppets. Something in my mind recalls the song by the pre-Impact heavy metal band Metallica. The music swells and I can hear a voice singing about the Master of Puppets as Gendo laughs and makes me dance. These dreams make me wake up drenched in sweat and fear.
I reach Katsuragi's and wait for Shinji to come out. I nod to the graveyard guy and he drives off. I stopped driving my car long ago, having gotten tired of endlessly circling the blocks to watch Shinji walk to school or where ever he is going. He comes out of the apartment building with head down. He looks up and sees me across the street and nods to me. That's how we start our day. He knows I am there and acknowledges me there. I nod back at him and see the dark circles under his eyes and I know he isn't faring any better than I. I see the longing and desperation in his eyes and I feel sad for him. I've never seen him cry so I do it for him. I cry for the both of us, trapped in this hell and wanting to get out of it. Then she comes out behind him and starts screaming at him. All of us Section Two guys have taken to calling her the Red Demon after the Suzuhara Toji aptly named her that. Asuka Langley Soryu is the second child. There have been times I've wanted to run across the street and pound her flat for her abuse of Shinji. Shinji never did anything to her and yet she treats him like dirt. He looks up and sees the anger on my face and he knows I want to run over and kick her ass. He turns away and goes down the street to the train station. Naturally I follow.
They arrive at the school and I sit in an empty classroom and listen to what goes on through my headphones. The old guy who teaches the class is boring. He puts the other two watchers in the room with me to sleep in moments. I watch my laptop that is wired in with the ones in the classroom to monitor the chat room. Usually not much is said. Sometimes it's usually teen talk, which is boring as hell. There are times I've wanted to send a message to Shinji just to make him feel that he is not alone. I've seen the depression, despair, fear, and sadness in his eyes and I wish I could tell him he's not alone. I feel what he feels. I have come very close at times to eating my gun and ending it all. I have felt like pulling up next to him in my car and driving both of us as far away as possible from this place, to escape it and forget it. I have entertained fantasies of us running far away to an exotic island and living happily as a father and son should. But I know it's not possible because Gendo would have us hunted down and he would have me killed and he would punish Shinji in some manner. So I continue to suffer in silence. Shinji continues to suffer in silence. I escape though my bottles named Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, and others. Shinji escapes through his SDAT. I sometimes wonder what it is he listens to. I wonder what music helps him to escape this cold painful reality.
I follow him for the rest of the day as he walks where ever his feet and thoughts take him. I wonder if the people who pass him on the street know who he is. I wonder how the public would react if they knew how his father and those who profess to be his friends treat him. His friends. Aida Kensuke and Suzuhara Toji. Two of the most mismatched kids I've ever seen. They appear to understand him at times and yet they don't. At least they try and protect him from Asuka. Horaki Hikari. There's a girl who really seems to understand him. I've seen her looking at him like she wants to comfort him and help him through his dark times. She's always running interference between him and Asuka. She has more strength than I'll ever have or hope to have. If anybody can save Shinji, it's her.
It's getting late in the evening and I follow him back to Katsuragi's. As he goes up the stairs into the main doors, he stops and turns to me. He nods at me with a faint smile on his face and it's then I realize that I've helped him survive another day. As I walk home I realize that we do have something in common and I feel like I am helping him. I am suddenly filled with hope that things will get better.
They have to.
End
By David (DAG1064@aol.com)
Author's Notes: All the named characters in this fic are the property of Gainax Studios, the genius mastermind who gave us Neon Genesis Evangelion. I have created the character that is speaking in the course of this fic.
Ever wonder what goes through the mind of a Section Two officer who has been assigned to protect Shinji Ikari? This is his thoughts as he witnesses events unfold.
The More I See.
The five 'o clock alarm rings. I curse as I reach out for the clock and turn off the damned thing. I drag my tired ass out of bed and stumble into the kitchen and find the coffee pot has finished perking the coffee. I draw a cup from the cabinet and pour some coffee into the cup. As I turn around I see the bottle of scotch on the counter. After a moment I break down and pour some into the coffee and gulp it down. Both coffee and scotch sear my throat on the way down and I grimace at the taste. I feel a bit more alert now. I walk slowly into the bathroom and look at my reflection in the mirror. I do not look like the person I once was when I first joined Nerv. When I first joined Nerv I was excited at the prospect of working for a large organization dedicated to saving the world. Or so I thought. As I get dragged deeper and deeper into it I find that all is not what it seems. The Evangelions are scary enough. These things stand about 40 stories tall and are some kind of biomechanical robots. I have seen what they look like underneath all that metal after a fight and they scare me. That's not right. They frighten me. I am forced to swallow my fear and pretend not to see what it is I see. The worst thing about them? 14-year-old kids pilot them. Yeah. That's right. 14-year-old kids. Teenagers. They shouldn't be there. They should be out there with their friends going to parties and hanging out with friends. Not inside those things. Not right. Never right.
I walk out the front door of my tiny apartment and head off to my assignment. My job is to protect one Ikari Shinji. Yes, that one. He is the pilot of unit 01. He currently lives with his guardian, Major Katsuragi instead of his father. That's where he should be. With his father, Ikari Gendo. But his father is a very cold uncaring man. His father is the commander of Nerv. His father is the man who forced his son to pilot that...monstrosity. The man makes me angry at how he treats people, especially his son. There have been times that I've wanted to grab the man by the lapels of his jacket and slam him against the wall and try to knock some sense back into him. But I don't because I am afraid of the man. I have heard the stories of what he does to people who displease him. There's no conscious in him. There is nothing inside of him, not even a shred of emotion. The day he gave me my assignment I was in his office. It was a cold dark place and it scared me. I managed to keep myself in check and resolved to keep looking ahead. I had hoped to maybe intimidate him a little with my own hard gaze but when I looked into his eyes there was nothing there. No emotion, no warmth, nothing. Just an icy cold glare. He scared me. My nightmares are filled with him. One is of me floating in nothing. Then I feel something digging into my skin and I look to see fishing hooks going into my body. I feel myself being pulled across something and it is his office floor. I look up and see him reeling me in to his desk with a fishing rod laughing the whole time. The second one I find myself on a giant chessboard. He is sitting on one side and there is a faceless person shrouded in darkness on the other. I look around and recognize people. The three children are there. Gendo reaches down and moves us around the board at will. The opponent's pieces horribly kill some of us. Shinji looks at me with fear in his eyes and I feel hopelessly lost. I feel Gendo pick me up and carry me to my doom. The opponent's knight turns to face me and it is then I realize I am going to die. He raises his battle-axe overhead and just before it falls, the faceplate on the helmet falls off and I find myself looking into Gendo's face. He laughs hysterically as he brings the axe down on my head.
The third one I find myself lying on a wood floor motionless. I can't move. I am filled with fear at not being able to move. Suddenly I feel something moving my body. I feel myself being lifted up on my feet and I know it's not my doing. I discover strings attached to my feet, knees, hands, elbows, and my head. I look up to see Gendo's grinning face as he makes me dance across the stage. I turn to see the others are the same way and I realize too late that Gendo had become a master of puppets. Something in my mind recalls the song by the pre-Impact heavy metal band Metallica. The music swells and I can hear a voice singing about the Master of Puppets as Gendo laughs and makes me dance. These dreams make me wake up drenched in sweat and fear.
I reach Katsuragi's and wait for Shinji to come out. I nod to the graveyard guy and he drives off. I stopped driving my car long ago, having gotten tired of endlessly circling the blocks to watch Shinji walk to school or where ever he is going. He comes out of the apartment building with head down. He looks up and sees me across the street and nods to me. That's how we start our day. He knows I am there and acknowledges me there. I nod back at him and see the dark circles under his eyes and I know he isn't faring any better than I. I see the longing and desperation in his eyes and I feel sad for him. I've never seen him cry so I do it for him. I cry for the both of us, trapped in this hell and wanting to get out of it. Then she comes out behind him and starts screaming at him. All of us Section Two guys have taken to calling her the Red Demon after the Suzuhara Toji aptly named her that. Asuka Langley Soryu is the second child. There have been times I've wanted to run across the street and pound her flat for her abuse of Shinji. Shinji never did anything to her and yet she treats him like dirt. He looks up and sees the anger on my face and he knows I want to run over and kick her ass. He turns away and goes down the street to the train station. Naturally I follow.
They arrive at the school and I sit in an empty classroom and listen to what goes on through my headphones. The old guy who teaches the class is boring. He puts the other two watchers in the room with me to sleep in moments. I watch my laptop that is wired in with the ones in the classroom to monitor the chat room. Usually not much is said. Sometimes it's usually teen talk, which is boring as hell. There are times I've wanted to send a message to Shinji just to make him feel that he is not alone. I've seen the depression, despair, fear, and sadness in his eyes and I wish I could tell him he's not alone. I feel what he feels. I have come very close at times to eating my gun and ending it all. I have felt like pulling up next to him in my car and driving both of us as far away as possible from this place, to escape it and forget it. I have entertained fantasies of us running far away to an exotic island and living happily as a father and son should. But I know it's not possible because Gendo would have us hunted down and he would have me killed and he would punish Shinji in some manner. So I continue to suffer in silence. Shinji continues to suffer in silence. I escape though my bottles named Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, and others. Shinji escapes through his SDAT. I sometimes wonder what it is he listens to. I wonder what music helps him to escape this cold painful reality.
I follow him for the rest of the day as he walks where ever his feet and thoughts take him. I wonder if the people who pass him on the street know who he is. I wonder how the public would react if they knew how his father and those who profess to be his friends treat him. His friends. Aida Kensuke and Suzuhara Toji. Two of the most mismatched kids I've ever seen. They appear to understand him at times and yet they don't. At least they try and protect him from Asuka. Horaki Hikari. There's a girl who really seems to understand him. I've seen her looking at him like she wants to comfort him and help him through his dark times. She's always running interference between him and Asuka. She has more strength than I'll ever have or hope to have. If anybody can save Shinji, it's her.
It's getting late in the evening and I follow him back to Katsuragi's. As he goes up the stairs into the main doors, he stops and turns to me. He nods at me with a faint smile on his face and it's then I realize that I've helped him survive another day. As I walk home I realize that we do have something in common and I feel like I am helping him. I am suddenly filled with hope that things will get better.
They have to.
End