Random Madness
By The Ripperette
*******NOTES******
*eyes tear up* ...In nearly one year on FanFiction.net...never have I seen so many happy reviews on my own story! I...I love you guys!! (wipes eyes)
Now we'll have a whole new playground, as our boys take it out of the arena (For now, I liked that Christian is Lillian thingie), and into the wide and wild world of salons and hair-products!!! Stay tooned....
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After the show, as our heroes drive...
Lance: Okay, Rico gave me a list of places that sell this hair stuff...we need to find one quick, like within ten minutes, because; One, (rattles hair spray bottle), we're almost out, and two...
Raven: Not many places are open past 8 pm?
Test: Raven's hair needs better care-products?
Jericho: The red dye on my hair is running out?
Lance: Err, well, those are all great reasons, but what I REALLY mean is the fact that they think they're Lesnar and The Rock again.
Test, Raven and Jericho: Ooohh...
(Everyone looks to the back of the big Mini-Van, only to see Jeff spouting catch-phrases and Christian attempting to bite off Jeff's ear)
Test: Are you sure he doesn't think he's Mike Tyson?
Raven: If my calculations are correct, they can only think they're other wrestlers.
Jericho: What calculations?
Raven: (Opens mouth to say something, pauses to look around nervously and then clams up)
Jericho: *sigh* Well, where's the nearest hair place?
Test: I don't know. Lance does.
Jericho: That's who I was asking!!!
Lance: (looking at list) ...I just realized something!!
All ('Cept Jeff and Christian): Huh?
Lance: We're in California, and this is a list of places for TAMPA!!!
Test: We can't get to Tampa in 10 minutes!!!
Raven: THAT'S NOT THE POINT!! (Hits Test in the head with a trash can lid)
Lance: YOU IDIOT!!!!! (Swerves car into a parking place) How are we supposed to be successful in out mission to return them back to their normal mental state....
Test: HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?!?!??!
Lance: ...WHEN TEST KEEPS CONFUSING HIMSELF WITH HARDCORE HOLLY? (Suddenly turns calm, spritzes Test with the last of the hairspray, shakes it to see if there's anything left, and them throws it at Test) AND NOW WE'RE OUT OF HAIRSPRAY AND THE ONLY KNOWN PLACE THAT CARRIES IT IS IN TAMPA!! (Pauses to breath)
Jericho: (takes empty bottle, opens door, gets out of car while they are arguing)
Test: Yeah, what's that all aboot?
Lance: Shut up, Test.
Test: Oh...okay.
Jericho: (gets back in the car)
Lance: And where have you been?
Jericho: (Places empty bottle back in Lance's drink holder, and places a plastic bag full of bottles in Test's lap) They didn't carry the hairpray, so I got the de-tangler. Same thing, right?
Test: Bless you! (Grabs a bottle and starts spraying his over-stiffened hair)
Raven: Gimme! (Snatches it away) My dreadlocks feel like rope!!
Test: (Grabs bottle back) It looks like it too! Wait your turn!!!
Lance: *sighs* But we don't know if it has the same effect on curing the...diseeeaaase!
Christian: *Grunt!* (Grabs the empty bottle and whaps Jeff in the head)
Jeff: Augh! Hey, I'm a living legend, you monkey!!! (Takes bottle from Christian, only to whap him in the head)
Christian: (Half-sells the bottle-shot, as if it didn't really hurt) Boay, you ain't showin' me nuff respect. I don't like that!! (Grabs the empty bottle and whaps Jeff in the head AGAIN)
Jeff: Ugh! That is so totally not awesome, you barfoid! (Takes bottle from Christian a second time, only to whap him in the head...a second time)
Christian: Ow! (slight southern accent) You, I'm gonna show you what it is to be Xtreme! (Starts to hit Jeff, but is stopped by Raven, who managed to crawl really fast to the back of the car)
Raven: STOP!!! YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!! (Takes bottle away) You guys will have to live with each other!!
Jeff: (Looks at Christian) Psh!!
Christian: Duhh...extreme?
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At the Hotel Lobby....
Lance: Okay, we can't let them stay in the same room. They hate each other. If we could just make Christian think he's a heel!!
Test: Which Christian: Jeff thinking he's Christian, or Christian thinking he's Jeff?
Lance: Umm..I...er..Christian, Jeff, Christian Christian Jeff...AAAAHHH!!! (Breaks down and starts crying)
Raven: (Pats Lance on the shoulder) *sigh* (Shakes head at Test)
Test: Tch...so what? C'mon, Christian, let's go. (walks off)
Lance: AAHHHH, CHRISTIAN CHRISTIAN JEFF, JEFFY-JEFF-CHRISSY CHRISTIAN JEFFTIAN CHRIFF! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! (Hugs Raven, crying on his shoulder)
Jeff: Psh...whatever! (Follows Test)
Jericho: I think all this silliness is too much for Lance. Raven, me and Lance are gonna get a hotel room. Find a way to make Christian a heel so he'll share a hotel room with one of us...cuase, he's a face right now, and, uhh...faces don't share rooms with heels. (Pats Lance on the shoulder, and leads him off)
Lance: *sniffle* Jericho?
Jericho: I'm still Jericho, buddy, don't worry...(Gets hugged, much to his chagrin)
Raven: (looks at Christian) ...(whaps him on the temple)
Christian: *blinks* ...(sees Raven) ...(suddenly starts laughing like a maniac, zooms behind him and locks in the Tazzmission)
Raven: AUGH! W-What..*cough* ...are you...*gag* DOING?! (Struggles, trying to hit Christian in the head, but can't quite reach)
Christian: HAHAAAAHAHAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA, JUST ANUDDAH VICTIM!!!
Raven: (Grabs a tray from a passing waiter, utilizing it to hit Christain, who releases him from the Tazzmission) *gag, couch, BREATH!!!*
Christian: I...ugh...(falls over)
RAven: ...(looks around, only to be stared at by a bunch of people) ...Heh, heh heh heh...(Picks up Christian, slinging him over a shoulder) ...ahem...(steps up to the room registry counter) ...We need a room.
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In Test and Jeff's Room...
Test: (checks himself out in mirror) Heh heh...you stud... (Points at reflection, smiling cheesily) Ladies? (Vogues again) ...eat your hearts out!!
Jeff: *mumbles something* Test, where's my toothbrush?
Test: Uhh...*suddenly holds back a smile* ...in Christian's...err...YOUR luggage.
Jeff: Umm...*looks at Test strangly* ...ooooh-kaaay...(Gets "his" toothbrush out of "Christian's" [nudge nudge, wink wink] luggage, then walks into the bathroom)
Test: Heh...(looks at camera) Jeff's using Christian's toothbrush, for those of you who didn't get the joke...heehee..Christian's toothbrush is gonna have Jeff-germs next time he uses it...(pauses) What's this all aboot? The hell's a camera doing in my hotel room?
(The view looks like it's a camera-angle being dragged out, and suddenly is watching Test slam the door)
Test: (from inside hotel room) Pervert!
(We kind of watch the door for a minute. The number C-13 is printed on with golden letters. The sound of someone sighing is heard, and we turn in time to see Raven draggind a still-unconscious Christian up the stairs)
Raven: ....ugh...stupid elevator...out of commission...of all the luck.. I'll bet that fat-ass Test broke it...guh...(sees camera)...oh, hey!! ...I was wondering where you went. Everything okay?
(We see Raven through the POV of someone nodding)
RAven: Oh...cool. (Checks his key, and drags Christian over to the door by the ankle) Umm...(looks to camera) This's me...they said there's only one room left, and I'd have to share it...but, hey, I'm sure a strange crazy blond guy who thinks he's someone else shouldn't be too hard to explain...(unlocks door, and walks in) G"night! (waves to camera, drags Christian in, door shuts)
Test: (from inside hotel room) What's this all aboot?
Raven: (from inside hotel room) Huh...Test? I have to share a room with you two?
Jeff: (from inside hotel room) Huh? SHARE a two bed room, with four people? Total conspiracy! Unfair! Unfair!
(sounds of a temper-tantrum sound, as the camera angle pans to show Jericho and Lance walking throught the hall, looking at their key tag)
Jericho: ...Let's see, C-13...(walks up to THE DOOR and unlocks it, walking in, followed closely by Lance)
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In THE HOTEL ROOM...
(There is a long silence.)
Lance: ...*sniffles* (tugs on Jericho's sleeve, whimpering and pointing from Christian to Jeff, before looking at Jericho)
Jericho: (Pats Lance on the back, and looks to Raven)
Raven: (Is absent-mindedly toying with his hair, re-brading it and such) ...? (notices Jericho's look. Looks at Jeff)
Jeff: (Scoffs. throws a mini-tantrum, slamming his hand on the bedside he's sitting on, before looking at Test)
Test: (Looks at himself in the mirror, still checking himself out...blows his reflection a kiss...makes 'I love you, you complete me' motions with his hands...mouths the words "No, I love YOU!"...awws at himself...)
Jeff: (Looks to Christian)
Christian: (With hair down, dressed in a towel ala Val Venis) ...*cough* (Looks at Raven)
Raven: I was a better Val.
Lance: (points from Jeff to Christian) Jerifftain?
Jericho: Shh, it's okay, Lance, just shut the hell up.
Lance: ..okay.
Christian: ...well, this would be fine if you were attractive ladies, buuut..... (shifts towel) ...umm, where's stuff?
Test: (giggles, and points over to Christian's luggage)
Christian: (Looks through bag) ...umm, where's my toothbrush?
Test: (starts laughing really hard)
Jericho: Well, I get this bed because I'm a living legend, and Lance has suffered severe emotional and mental trauma, so he gets the other one.
Raven: Okay, I get Lance getting the bed, but I'm not only a legend of ECW, but I am a hardcore icon!!
Christian: (Suddenly turns around, towel still in place) You wanna talk about 'hardcore icons'?
Test: I'm prettier than all of you! I should get the other one.
Jeff: No! It should be me! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! (throws another temper-tantrum, falling to the floor) ...*pant, pant*
Lance: *sniffles again* ..can someone stay in the bed with me?
Jericho: ...*sighs* Fine, I've been through worse...you guys can fight over the other one.
Christian: ...(raises an eyebrow) I'm gonna brush my teeth now...
Test: (laughs so hard he starts crying)
Christian: ...and I, uhh...(looks at Test) ...want the bed...(watches at Test falls over, holding his sides in laughter) ...when I get back...(walks into bathroom)
Raven: I'm sane, so I get to go into the sane people bed. (falls backwards across the foot of Jericho and Lance's bed)
Test: Umm...whatever. (gets into the other bed)
Jeff: Tch...FINE! (crawls into the other side of the bed)
Jericho: Good night, Lance.
Lamce: Night, Chris..g'night, Raven.
Raven: See you in the morning, Storm. Test, I hate you.
Test: Good night, Raven...hey...
Jeff: Good night, Test.
(Jeff leans out of the bed and turns off the lamp)
Christian: (From inside bathroom) Hey, someone's been using my toothbrush!!!
Test: (Starts laughing like a horse)
Jericho: ...I'm never gonna get any sleep, am I?
Lance: ...Chriffja?
Raven: I don't wanna go to the house show tomarrow...
Jericho: There's a house show?!
Raven: Yup.
(And the night continued, none of the poor people ('cept Test) getting any sleep, but comments like this carrying on through-out the night...)
Jericho: I can't feel my feet, fat-ass!
Raven: I'm not a fat-ass! Not my fault I have no where else to sleep!
Lance: ...how many Christians are there on the moon?
Jericho: None that can breath, Lance.
Test: *snores loudly, rolling over on top of Jeff)
Jeff: Augh! My lungs! (tries to push Test off of himself, fails. Attempts a temper-tantrum, fails. Sobs quietly)
Christian: You have all the covers!!
(The two Canadians and the Lord of Depression and self-induced pain sat, unable to sleep, thinking to themselves, 'Hey, it couldn't get any worse than today...
...could it?')
THE END OF PART THREE!!!
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Yay! Intermission chapter! Just my chance to write what I wanted...I'll save any more requests for the next house show, and the good ones for RAW! And our boys still have five days until Monday...will they find a cure for Jeff and Christian, or will they be stuck in personaltiy limbo, forcing Ripperette to forever write new chapters? I sure hope not, this is hard to think of...R&R!!!
By The Ripperette
*******NOTES******
*eyes tear up* ...In nearly one year on FanFiction.net...never have I seen so many happy reviews on my own story! I...I love you guys!! (wipes eyes)
Now we'll have a whole new playground, as our boys take it out of the arena (For now, I liked that Christian is Lillian thingie), and into the wide and wild world of salons and hair-products!!! Stay tooned....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After the show, as our heroes drive...
Lance: Okay, Rico gave me a list of places that sell this hair stuff...we need to find one quick, like within ten minutes, because; One, (rattles hair spray bottle), we're almost out, and two...
Raven: Not many places are open past 8 pm?
Test: Raven's hair needs better care-products?
Jericho: The red dye on my hair is running out?
Lance: Err, well, those are all great reasons, but what I REALLY mean is the fact that they think they're Lesnar and The Rock again.
Test, Raven and Jericho: Ooohh...
(Everyone looks to the back of the big Mini-Van, only to see Jeff spouting catch-phrases and Christian attempting to bite off Jeff's ear)
Test: Are you sure he doesn't think he's Mike Tyson?
Raven: If my calculations are correct, they can only think they're other wrestlers.
Jericho: What calculations?
Raven: (Opens mouth to say something, pauses to look around nervously and then clams up)
Jericho: *sigh* Well, where's the nearest hair place?
Test: I don't know. Lance does.
Jericho: That's who I was asking!!!
Lance: (looking at list) ...I just realized something!!
All ('Cept Jeff and Christian): Huh?
Lance: We're in California, and this is a list of places for TAMPA!!!
Test: We can't get to Tampa in 10 minutes!!!
Raven: THAT'S NOT THE POINT!! (Hits Test in the head with a trash can lid)
Lance: YOU IDIOT!!!!! (Swerves car into a parking place) How are we supposed to be successful in out mission to return them back to their normal mental state....
Test: HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?!?!??!
Lance: ...WHEN TEST KEEPS CONFUSING HIMSELF WITH HARDCORE HOLLY? (Suddenly turns calm, spritzes Test with the last of the hairspray, shakes it to see if there's anything left, and them throws it at Test) AND NOW WE'RE OUT OF HAIRSPRAY AND THE ONLY KNOWN PLACE THAT CARRIES IT IS IN TAMPA!! (Pauses to breath)
Jericho: (takes empty bottle, opens door, gets out of car while they are arguing)
Test: Yeah, what's that all aboot?
Lance: Shut up, Test.
Test: Oh...okay.
Jericho: (gets back in the car)
Lance: And where have you been?
Jericho: (Places empty bottle back in Lance's drink holder, and places a plastic bag full of bottles in Test's lap) They didn't carry the hairpray, so I got the de-tangler. Same thing, right?
Test: Bless you! (Grabs a bottle and starts spraying his over-stiffened hair)
Raven: Gimme! (Snatches it away) My dreadlocks feel like rope!!
Test: (Grabs bottle back) It looks like it too! Wait your turn!!!
Lance: *sighs* But we don't know if it has the same effect on curing the...diseeeaaase!
Christian: *Grunt!* (Grabs the empty bottle and whaps Jeff in the head)
Jeff: Augh! Hey, I'm a living legend, you monkey!!! (Takes bottle from Christian, only to whap him in the head)
Christian: (Half-sells the bottle-shot, as if it didn't really hurt) Boay, you ain't showin' me nuff respect. I don't like that!! (Grabs the empty bottle and whaps Jeff in the head AGAIN)
Jeff: Ugh! That is so totally not awesome, you barfoid! (Takes bottle from Christian a second time, only to whap him in the head...a second time)
Christian: Ow! (slight southern accent) You, I'm gonna show you what it is to be Xtreme! (Starts to hit Jeff, but is stopped by Raven, who managed to crawl really fast to the back of the car)
Raven: STOP!!! YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!! (Takes bottle away) You guys will have to live with each other!!
Jeff: (Looks at Christian) Psh!!
Christian: Duhh...extreme?
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At the Hotel Lobby....
Lance: Okay, we can't let them stay in the same room. They hate each other. If we could just make Christian think he's a heel!!
Test: Which Christian: Jeff thinking he's Christian, or Christian thinking he's Jeff?
Lance: Umm..I...er..Christian, Jeff, Christian Christian Jeff...AAAAHHH!!! (Breaks down and starts crying)
Raven: (Pats Lance on the shoulder) *sigh* (Shakes head at Test)
Test: Tch...so what? C'mon, Christian, let's go. (walks off)
Lance: AAHHHH, CHRISTIAN CHRISTIAN JEFF, JEFFY-JEFF-CHRISSY CHRISTIAN JEFFTIAN CHRIFF! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! (Hugs Raven, crying on his shoulder)
Jeff: Psh...whatever! (Follows Test)
Jericho: I think all this silliness is too much for Lance. Raven, me and Lance are gonna get a hotel room. Find a way to make Christian a heel so he'll share a hotel room with one of us...cuase, he's a face right now, and, uhh...faces don't share rooms with heels. (Pats Lance on the shoulder, and leads him off)
Lance: *sniffle* Jericho?
Jericho: I'm still Jericho, buddy, don't worry...(Gets hugged, much to his chagrin)
Raven: (looks at Christian) ...(whaps him on the temple)
Christian: *blinks* ...(sees Raven) ...(suddenly starts laughing like a maniac, zooms behind him and locks in the Tazzmission)
Raven: AUGH! W-What..*cough* ...are you...*gag* DOING?! (Struggles, trying to hit Christian in the head, but can't quite reach)
Christian: HAHAAAAHAHAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA, JUST ANUDDAH VICTIM!!!
Raven: (Grabs a tray from a passing waiter, utilizing it to hit Christain, who releases him from the Tazzmission) *gag, couch, BREATH!!!*
Christian: I...ugh...(falls over)
RAven: ...(looks around, only to be stared at by a bunch of people) ...Heh, heh heh heh...(Picks up Christian, slinging him over a shoulder) ...ahem...(steps up to the room registry counter) ...We need a room.
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In Test and Jeff's Room...
Test: (checks himself out in mirror) Heh heh...you stud... (Points at reflection, smiling cheesily) Ladies? (Vogues again) ...eat your hearts out!!
Jeff: *mumbles something* Test, where's my toothbrush?
Test: Uhh...*suddenly holds back a smile* ...in Christian's...err...YOUR luggage.
Jeff: Umm...*looks at Test strangly* ...ooooh-kaaay...(Gets "his" toothbrush out of "Christian's" [nudge nudge, wink wink] luggage, then walks into the bathroom)
Test: Heh...(looks at camera) Jeff's using Christian's toothbrush, for those of you who didn't get the joke...heehee..Christian's toothbrush is gonna have Jeff-germs next time he uses it...(pauses) What's this all aboot? The hell's a camera doing in my hotel room?
(The view looks like it's a camera-angle being dragged out, and suddenly is watching Test slam the door)
Test: (from inside hotel room) Pervert!
(We kind of watch the door for a minute. The number C-13 is printed on with golden letters. The sound of someone sighing is heard, and we turn in time to see Raven draggind a still-unconscious Christian up the stairs)
Raven: ....ugh...stupid elevator...out of commission...of all the luck.. I'll bet that fat-ass Test broke it...guh...(sees camera)...oh, hey!! ...I was wondering where you went. Everything okay?
(We see Raven through the POV of someone nodding)
RAven: Oh...cool. (Checks his key, and drags Christian over to the door by the ankle) Umm...(looks to camera) This's me...they said there's only one room left, and I'd have to share it...but, hey, I'm sure a strange crazy blond guy who thinks he's someone else shouldn't be too hard to explain...(unlocks door, and walks in) G"night! (waves to camera, drags Christian in, door shuts)
Test: (from inside hotel room) What's this all aboot?
Raven: (from inside hotel room) Huh...Test? I have to share a room with you two?
Jeff: (from inside hotel room) Huh? SHARE a two bed room, with four people? Total conspiracy! Unfair! Unfair!
(sounds of a temper-tantrum sound, as the camera angle pans to show Jericho and Lance walking throught the hall, looking at their key tag)
Jericho: ...Let's see, C-13...(walks up to THE DOOR and unlocks it, walking in, followed closely by Lance)
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In THE HOTEL ROOM...
(There is a long silence.)
Lance: ...*sniffles* (tugs on Jericho's sleeve, whimpering and pointing from Christian to Jeff, before looking at Jericho)
Jericho: (Pats Lance on the back, and looks to Raven)
Raven: (Is absent-mindedly toying with his hair, re-brading it and such) ...? (notices Jericho's look. Looks at Jeff)
Jeff: (Scoffs. throws a mini-tantrum, slamming his hand on the bedside he's sitting on, before looking at Test)
Test: (Looks at himself in the mirror, still checking himself out...blows his reflection a kiss...makes 'I love you, you complete me' motions with his hands...mouths the words "No, I love YOU!"...awws at himself...)
Jeff: (Looks to Christian)
Christian: (With hair down, dressed in a towel ala Val Venis) ...*cough* (Looks at Raven)
Raven: I was a better Val.
Lance: (points from Jeff to Christian) Jerifftain?
Jericho: Shh, it's okay, Lance, just shut the hell up.
Lance: ..okay.
Christian: ...well, this would be fine if you were attractive ladies, buuut..... (shifts towel) ...umm, where's stuff?
Test: (giggles, and points over to Christian's luggage)
Christian: (Looks through bag) ...umm, where's my toothbrush?
Test: (starts laughing really hard)
Jericho: Well, I get this bed because I'm a living legend, and Lance has suffered severe emotional and mental trauma, so he gets the other one.
Raven: Okay, I get Lance getting the bed, but I'm not only a legend of ECW, but I am a hardcore icon!!
Christian: (Suddenly turns around, towel still in place) You wanna talk about 'hardcore icons'?
Test: I'm prettier than all of you! I should get the other one.
Jeff: No! It should be me! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! (throws another temper-tantrum, falling to the floor) ...*pant, pant*
Lance: *sniffles again* ..can someone stay in the bed with me?
Jericho: ...*sighs* Fine, I've been through worse...you guys can fight over the other one.
Christian: ...(raises an eyebrow) I'm gonna brush my teeth now...
Test: (laughs so hard he starts crying)
Christian: ...and I, uhh...(looks at Test) ...want the bed...(watches at Test falls over, holding his sides in laughter) ...when I get back...(walks into bathroom)
Raven: I'm sane, so I get to go into the sane people bed. (falls backwards across the foot of Jericho and Lance's bed)
Test: Umm...whatever. (gets into the other bed)
Jeff: Tch...FINE! (crawls into the other side of the bed)
Jericho: Good night, Lance.
Lamce: Night, Chris..g'night, Raven.
Raven: See you in the morning, Storm. Test, I hate you.
Test: Good night, Raven...hey...
Jeff: Good night, Test.
(Jeff leans out of the bed and turns off the lamp)
Christian: (From inside bathroom) Hey, someone's been using my toothbrush!!!
Test: (Starts laughing like a horse)
Jericho: ...I'm never gonna get any sleep, am I?
Lance: ...Chriffja?
Raven: I don't wanna go to the house show tomarrow...
Jericho: There's a house show?!
Raven: Yup.
(And the night continued, none of the poor people ('cept Test) getting any sleep, but comments like this carrying on through-out the night...)
Jericho: I can't feel my feet, fat-ass!
Raven: I'm not a fat-ass! Not my fault I have no where else to sleep!
Lance: ...how many Christians are there on the moon?
Jericho: None that can breath, Lance.
Test: *snores loudly, rolling over on top of Jeff)
Jeff: Augh! My lungs! (tries to push Test off of himself, fails. Attempts a temper-tantrum, fails. Sobs quietly)
Christian: You have all the covers!!
(The two Canadians and the Lord of Depression and self-induced pain sat, unable to sleep, thinking to themselves, 'Hey, it couldn't get any worse than today...
...could it?')
THE END OF PART THREE!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yay! Intermission chapter! Just my chance to write what I wanted...I'll save any more requests for the next house show, and the good ones for RAW! And our boys still have five days until Monday...will they find a cure for Jeff and Christian, or will they be stuck in personaltiy limbo, forcing Ripperette to forever write new chapters? I sure hope not, this is hard to think of...R&R!!!