Disclaimer: I give up.. it ain't mine.
Author's Notes: It's been a while, I know… but I have to thank Mouse-chan for yelling at me to update. ^____^ Weird… past life stuff… and… uh… inner conversations???
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Chapter 4: Dreams… self-realizationHe couldn't sleep. The heat in his apartment was stifling, and at the moment, no cool river breeze came through the window. Chuin tossed and turned, sighed heavily. Oh, for God sakes, it was just a kiss! He stared up at the white ceiling, a silly grin coming over his face. A very NICE kiss, he thought. "Oh Christ, Chu… it's 4 o'clock! You have to be at work at 10 in the morning. Go to sleep," he said aloud. But his mind would not drift off, his body would not relax. Finally, he sat up, threw his legs over the side of the bed, and stood.
Wearing only boxers and a thin tee shirt, Chuin stepped out onto his balcony and collapsed into a lounge chair. He gazed up at the stars, marveling at their closeness. It seemed almost as if they could be touched. He heard a sound, his eyes drawing down to seek it out. Ayuru had come out of his apartment, was standing there. Chuin resisted the urge to call out to him. What do you think he'll say, seeing you sitting on your balcony at four in the morning? Then it hit him. What the hell is HE doing out at four morning? Ayuru's face held an angry scowl, and for a moment, it seemed as though he was going to go back in the apartment, but then he spun and stalked up the street away from the apartments.
"What in the world?" Chuin wandered out loud. Okay… let's think about this, the logical side of his brain kicked in. Maybe he has a late night practice… or maybe… maybe… He sighed. Maybe he's a psychotic serial killer and is going for some fresh blood, he finished sadly. Suddenly feeling very weary, he rose from the chair, went back into his apartment, and fell into a restless sleep plagued by nightmares.
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He was standing in what looked like a palace, wearing extremely odd clothes. His head felt heavy. Upon examining it, he saw that he was wearing a headdress with feathers, and his face was completely obscured by makeup. Chuin looked around him. "Where am I?"
A woman came down the hall, her eyes cold spears that pierced Chuin's heart. "Tomo, Nakago-sama wants to see you."
Tomo? Who's Tomo? He thought, but he heard himself respond. "Yes, Soi." He began walking down the hall, admired the beautiful glass of the windows. Is that me? Am I this Tomo person? Stopping at a door, he lifted his hand to knock, stared in horror at his bright red fingernails that were filed to sharp points. "Dear, Seiryuu," he said. Seiryuu? What --?
"Come in, Tomo."
I know that voice, that's Ayuru! He thought happily. He opened the door and the entered the room, surprising himself by bowing deeply. "Nakago-sama…" he acknowledged.
Interesting, I'm me, yet, I'm not me. He stood before "Nakago-sama," hands clasp in front of him. The other man stood.
"Something must be done about the Suzaku no miko," he said, strolling around to stand in front of him. "She must not be allowed to call Suzaku. I can never become a god with her still trying to get Yui-sama back."
Chuin – Tomo, his mind corrected – nodded. "I have a plan." Chuin was amazed at the sound of his voice. It was lilting and sounded like he was singing every time he spoke.
"Tell me."
"Send Ashitare to retrieve the shinzaho from the peak of Mt. Black. The girl will no doubt follow, causing her to be separated from her seishi. When that happens, I will use Shin and show her an illusion of Taiitsukun. Taiitsukun will tell the girl about Bochuu magic, and convince her that the only way to get the shinzaho back is to attempt to lower your chi." As Tomo told Nakago of the plan, Chuin watched from inside his mind. Nakago was deeply interested, nodding at Tomo to go on. "The girl will decide to do it, being as rash as she is. She'll come to the campsite. You will be the only remaining person. Entice her with food, and she'll be all yours."
"All mine? What do you mean?"
"She can't call Suzaku if she's not pure anymore," Tomo said. Chuin was shocked at the evil and malice in his voice.
Nakago smirked. "Indeed. An excellent plan, Tomo. We will put it into action immediately."
Tomo bowed. "Very well, Nakago-sama."
"Now, nothing will stop me from becoming a god and ruling the world."
Ayuru? God? What in the name of all that's holy is going on here? Tomo backed out of the room, stood in the hall just outside the door. Chuin was suddenly blasted with the emotions going through Tomo's mind. Longing, love, jealously… He loves him. He loves him more than life itself.
And, as Chuin woke up to the shrill buzzing of his alarm, one last thought echoed in his head. So do I…
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Ayuru laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. His body hurt, and he wasn't sure why. With much effort, he pushed himself off the bed and limped into the bathroom. When he looked at himself in the mirror, his heart began to race. One eye was black, swollen shut completely. Bruises marked his arms, body, and legs. Did I get into a fight last night?
He sat on the toilet lid, rested his chin on his hands. "Okay. Chuin came over, we had dinner, kissed, and he left. I finished cleaning up, went to take a shower… and… then what? I know I was outside last night, but I thought I was on my way into the apartment…"
A heavy lump settled into his stomach. Nakago… He leapt from the seat, glared at himself in the mirror. "You bastard! What have you done?" Then he sighed. He never could hear Nakago's thoughts, so what was the point.
Then he heard it. A laughter so evil it chilled him to the bone. Nakago. The voice rose in his mind, amused. "What, Ayuru? Feeling a little… forgetful?"
"What did you do last night? If you've hurt Chuin, I'll –"
"You'll what?" he growled. "Kill me? You'd have to kill yourself for that… are you sure you could do that?"
Ayuru looked away from his reflection.
"As I thought…" The voice faded out, but came back again. "You know… maybe I will pay Chuin a visit… you like him, right? Yeah… perhaps a visit to Chuin would be profitable."
"No!" Ayuru yelled, his own voice filled in anguish. "Stay away from him. I won't let you hurt him, Nakago!"
The laughter rose up again, deafening. "You could never control me… not even when I killed your parents."
"Killed my… no.. oh God, no!" He dropped to his knees on the floor of his bathroom, felt tears well up and spill from his eyes. "It was you… You set the fire, and left, and brought me back so I had no memory of what happened… You… how can you be this sadistic? This cruel?"
"Sadistic??? Cruel??" Nakago was seething with anger. "You stupid boy. I protected you."
"Protected me?"
"Your parents molested you! When they'd come in your room at night to tuck you into bed, you'd retract, and I was forced to cope with it. Me… not YOU!"
Ayuru was wracked with sobs. He curled into a ball against the bathtub, hugged his knees. It's not true, it's not true, it's not true!
"Oh, it is. Go ask your grandmother about your childhood… See if she'll tell you the truth."
Nakago was gone, Ayuru knew. But his feelings stayed. The betrayal, the pain, the blind hatred… He let out a sob, wiped the tears from his face. Pulling himself to his feet, he walked over to a chair in his bedroom, sat in it.
He sat there for three hours, not moving, too stunned to think. Finally, he stood, dressed in jeans and black tank top, and left his apartment.
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It only took him 20 minutes to walk to the little house outside of New Orleans. The welcome sign, the same one that had greeted him when he was 11, smiled at him at the beginning of the driveway. It looked old now, its paint was peeling and cracked, but just seeing it made him feel a little better.
He strolled up the driveway, studying the house. It was small, perfect for one or two people, with white siding and black shutters. The yard was well kept, and along the walk up to the porch, blue and red pansies bloomed on either side, even more welcoming the sign.
Ayuru stepped up to the door, knocked on it.
"Who's there?" a voice called.
"It's me, Grandma!" He heard a little squeal of joy.
"Well come in, child! What are doing knocking on your own door?"
He smiled despite feeling less than happy, and walked into the house. Immediately, the scent of hot, Cajun spices met his nose. He breathed deeply. For as many years as he lived there, the house had always smelled like that. His grandmother loved to cook her hot spicy food, and Ayuru loved to eat it.
Following the sounds he knew she had to be making, Ayuru walked into the little room at the back of the house. There she sat, on a stool, with a clay wheel in front of her. The walls of the room were lined with painted cups, bowls, vases… everything.
"Still making your pottery, Grandma?"
She stood, wiped her muddy hands on her apron. "Ru dear, I'll be making pottery until the good lord calls me home." She rushed to him, wrapped him in her strong arms.
Ayuru felt tears start again, but he held them back quickly. This woman had raised him, and he didn't even like the thought of her not ever being there. "I need to talk to you, Grandma."
"Good lord, child! What's happened to you?" she asked, indicating the bruises.
"Oh.. I fell down the stairs at my apartment," he said, making up the quickest lie he could. "There was water on the floor and I slipped in it."
She eyed him suspiciously, then shrugged her shoulders. "Even ballerinas sometimes trip."
They walked into her brightly colored kitchen, and Ayuru sat down in the chair he sat in for eight years. It didn't matter where he lived… when he came here.. he was home. His grandmother, or Miz Zacharie, as the neighborhood called her, poured them both a glass of lemonade, then sat down opposite Ayuru. "Well, what did you want to talk about?"
Ayuru looked down at his hands wrapped around the cup. He didn't think about how to bring it up, only that he had to ask her. "Well.. it's about my childhood."
TBC…. Muahahaha!