Disclaimer: ::pout:: still not mine… but Miz Zacharie is.. ain't she neat??
Author's Notes: ::wails:: I'm sorry Trikster… I had to do it! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! They're the drving force behind my writing!
Heaven's Door: Chapter 5The truth comes out
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As Ayuru asked the question, he watched Miz Zacharie's reaction. She stiffened, her eyes growing wide. "Your childhood? My child, what about it?"
He took a deep, shaky breath. He wasn't ready for this, wasn't ready to know the truth… but he had to know. "How did my parents die?"
Miz Zacharie stood up, sent her chair clattering over. "Why are you asking something to which you already know the answer?"
Ayuru felt his heart sank. She was answering his question with a question, which could mean one thing. She's holding out on me. He looked at her, his blue eyes pleading. "Please Grandma. It's so important that you tell me. If you don't, I'll just go to public records and find out… but I want to hear it from you."
The old woman hesitated, then sighed heavily. She picked her chair up, sat down slowly. "Your parents," she began, swallowing hard. "weren't good people. They were… mentally unstable… and did things to you that no parent should do to their child."
His face turned to stone. No way was he going to react to this the way Nakago wanted him to. "You mean they molested me."
Miz Zacharie sqeezed her eyes shut, allowing one tear to slide down her cheek. She nodded. "It went on for years. During that time… you, well… you sort of developed a split personality."
"Nakago…" Ayuru said quietly.
Miz Zacharie's eyes widened. "Yes, that was his name. He would come out when your parents…" she paused, looked away. "He protected you… but it ultimately cost your parents their lives. He killed them, set fire to the house, and walked out, leaving you to deal with it."
"That's when they put me on the meds, right?" Ayuru felt a headache coming on. So much had already happened today, and it was only early afternoon.
"Right. After a while, Nakago was gone, and you were left." Now she narrowed her eyes at Ayuru. "What brought this on? Nakago isn't back, is he?"
Oh, shit, he thought. "No, no, of course not. It's just that someone said something that got me thinking. And it was just so important that I know." His mind was reeling. His parents were bad… they did horrible things to him… yet he could not hate them. Instead, he felt a swell of pity for Nakago for having to endure the horrors that should have been his.
Don't you fuckin' do it, Nakago's voice entered his mind, cold, dripping with malice. You keep your weak feelings of pity to yourself. I don't want them.
Shut up, Ayuru said.
Miz Zacharie was staring at Ayuru. He seemed to be going through some kind of inner conflict. "'Ru, listen to me. I loved your mother deeply. She was my daughter, but when she married your father, she changed. You have every right to hate them…"
"But I don't," he said. "How can I? I don't remember any of the things they did to me. I'm horribly confused."
She nodded sadly. "Child, I should have told you before. I am sorry. But, now you know the truth."
Almost, he thought. "Grandma… do you know where Nakago came from?"
Nakago's voice broke into his thoughts. Don't go there.
She stared at him a moment before answering. "No, I don't. The psychiatrists didn't know, either. He just seemed to appear to protect you."
Oh, if only that was all he did. Ayuru stood up, hugged his grandmother tightly. "Thank you," he whispered.
He left the house feeling just as confused, only more upset. Why was he able to hear Nakago now, after all these years? What did it mean? And why was he still taking over and doing things? What are you up to?
Nakago didn't answer.
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Chuin walked casually behind the bar. In the middle of the day, there were very few people in the club, so only one person was needed. Usually, Claudine had that job, but she had called off sick, so Chuin was told to fill in for her.
He was on one side of the bar, drying glasses. He heard the creak of a bar stool as someone sat down, so he walked around to the other side. Ayuru sat with his head in his hands, looking exhausted.
"Ayuru?"
The blonde looked up managed a weary smile. "Gimme a whiskey, straight."
Chuin gave him his drink, watched carefully as he slammed it back without blinking. "Ayuru… you all right?"
He shook his head. "No, I'm not."
"You wanna talk about it?"
"Not here," Ayuru said. He was dying to talk to someone, and who better than the man he hoped could be his boyfriend?
At that moment, a woman in her mid forties showed up behind the bar. "Hey, Chuin. You're off, I'll take it from here."
He nodded, throwing his towel behind him in the bin. "Come on," he said to Ayuru.
The other man stood up, threw a bill on the bar, and followed Chuin into the back of the club.
They went into the dressing room for Beaded Dragon. "So, what's up?"
Ayuru shook his head. "Chu, when I figure it all out, I'll tell you. Right now though, I wouldn't know where to begin." Or where to end, he added silently.
The silver-haired man stepped up to him, threw his arms around his neck. "Then when you figure it out, you tell me."
Ayuru let Chuin pull him into a tight embrace. The feel of the his arms holding him so close made Ayuru's heart ache. He knew, that eventually he would hurt Chuin, and he didn't want that to happen.
"Wanna walk with me home?" Chuin asked.
Ayuru shook his head. "I think I'm going to walk around a little bit, clear my head. I'll see you later." He left without another word, Chuin watching his back as he walked stiffly out the door.
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Chuin lay sprawled on his stomach on his couch. One arm dangled over the edge, while the other rested above his head on the arm of the couch remote control grasped between the fingers. He settled on a blues music channel, but wasn't watching it.
Ayuru had been so distracted today, upset even. Chuin frowned, remembering the bewildered, tragic look on Ayuru's face. Something had happened between their dinner and when he had seen him at the club… something bad. It dawned on him then… early this morning… he had seen Ayuru leaving his apartment. What had happned?
Chuin sat up with a growl. Too many strange things were happening to him since he had moved to New Orleans. Weird dreams, Ayuru… it was all too much for him to bear at once.
A loud knock at the door shook him from his thoughts. "Who is it?"
A muffled "me" sounded on the other side.
It was Ayuru. Chuin jumped up, ran his hands through his hair, and called "Come in!"
The door swung open, and Ayuru stepped through. He looked different than he had earlier. His face bore no traces of any emotion, his eyes were expressionless.
"Ayuru? You all right?"
A small, barely noticeable smile crept to his lips. It was a smile that never reached his eyes. "Yes, I'm fine." He walked up to Chuin, kissed him roughly.
The other man pulled away. "Are you sure?"
Ayuru gripped Chuin's arms painfully, pulled him toward him. "Of course, I am. Aren't I allowed to kiss my boyfriend?"
"Boyfriend? Ayuru… we haven't known each other that long –" Chuin's words were cut off as Ayuru crushed his mouth in a bruising kiss. He struggled against him, but Ayuru was too strong. They fell backward on the couch, Chuin still trying to push Ayuru away.
NO! Ayuru cried out, but the sound was only in his mind. Nakago had taken control, and this time, Ayuru was forced to watch. Let him go, Nakago!
Why? He's truly a beautiful creature… Nakago pinned Chuin's arms above his head, tore his lips away. When Chuin tried to speak, Nakago held his arms with one hand, clamped the other over Chuin's mouth. He licked along the delicate jawline, down the neck to his collarbone.
Chuin whimpered, tears poured from his amber eyes. Nakago pulled his hand away to tear off the shirt Chuin was wearing.
"Please… Ayuru… don't. What's wrong with you?" Chuin cried. He couldn't move. Ayuru had all his weight pressed against him, and his arms pinned. He was completely restrained.
"Wrong? Why should something be wrong?"
"Because… you aren't this cold, this detatched…"
Nakago growled into Ayuru's face. "You know NOTHING about me!"
"So you're telling that the man I ate dinner with last night is this cold, heartless person I see before me?" Chuin was sobbing now, and still futilely struggling against Ayuru.
Nakago! Don't hurt him! Ayuru was sobbing in his mind, wanting to close his against the horror unravelling before him, but unable to do so.
Nakago's mouth was trailing a wet line down to Chuin's chest. He roughly nipped at Chuin's nipples, rellishing in the feel of the smaller man fighting against him. His free hand moved down to Chuin's stomach, stroked the skin right above the waistband of his pants. He deftly undid the button, slid his hand under. Chuin bucked wildly, screaming, "No! Ayuru, get off me! Stop!" But Nakago kissed his way down to Chuin's stomach, paused a moment to look up at the smaller man's wide, frightened eyes, and grin. That's not Ayuru! Chuin's mind cried out. It can't be!
Ayuru pushed with all his might, willed Nakago to retreat. The laughter hit him loudly. You can't force me away, Ayuru, Nakago said. I'm stronger than you. He swirled his tongue in circles down to wear Chuin's pants met his waist. He slowly pulled the zipper down, shoved his hand the whole way down and grasped Chuin roughly.
NO.
Another voice entered the minds of the two personallities, and for a moment, Ayuru wondered if a third personality had formed.
Ayuru… don't let Nakago win. You have the strength. You have the strength.
The voice was deep, and reminded Ayuru of a calm blue ocean. It urged him on, gave him more strength. He pushed again, feeling him regain a little control of his body.
"Chuin!" he yelled. He let go of his wrists, moved off him.
The scared man scrambled to sit up, eyeing him fearfully. "Go… now! Hide somewhere where I won't find you."
"What?"
Nakago was using every bit of strength he had, forcing Ayuru away. "Go NOW!!!"
Chuin jumped off the couch, ran out the door, and didn't stop until he was several blocks away, his legs felt like wet noodles, and his lungs burned. He was confused, hurt, sad. Why had Ayuru done what he did? It was as if two different people were there, one who wanted to hurt him, and one who tried to protect him.
"Dear Seiryuu, what the hell's going on?"
Seiryuu? Who's Seiryuu? He had said the name like he had been saying it all his life. Then he remembered… I said that in my dream.. or.. he did.. Tomo. Chuin looked around him. He was right at the gate to Lafayette Cemetery. Walking inside, he made his way to the center of the cemetery where he had seen benches the day before.
He sat down on one, drew his knees up to hug them. It was cooling off outside, and he didn't have a shirt on. His mind whirled, thousands of thoughts spinning around, seemingly bouncing off one another.
So… there's this Tomo guy… and he looks like me… or… he was me? Or I was him? Chuin tried to sort things out, but to no avail. Or.. maybe I'm just going completely insane, and Ayuru is a jerk. But no… that didn't make sense. Ayuru had been so cool, why would he jeopardize that for meaningless rape? Chuin shivered as the word stuck in his mind. Rape… Ayuru had almost raped him… but then something had happened. He seemed to come back to himself, not that that made any sense. He had protected Chuin from… what? Himself? "Argh!" Chuin growled aloud.
"Child! What in the name of the gods are you doing in here at this time without a shirt on?!"
Chuin jumped at the voice, eyes wandering over to a small, old lady with kind eyes. She was staring at him horrified.
"I… uh… it's a long story." He didn't even know how to begin telling her what happened.
"I'll tell you what," the old lady said, a warm smile softening her face. "Walk with me to visit my daughter's grave and then I'll talk to you back to my place and get warmed up. I do hate comin' here by myself."
He nodded, standing up. "Okay," he answered quietly.
They walked to the right, the old lady knowing the exact way, until she came to a stop. Chuin looked around, he recognized this place… didn't realize why until he saw the tomb the old lady was staring at, sadness distorting her face.
"Beloved parents of Ayuru" glared at him from the cold stone.
"You… you're Ayuru's grandmother!"
The old lady turned to him, surprised etched on her face. "Yes, I am. How do you know my 'Ru?"
Chuin opened his mouth, hesitated. "He… lives right across the street from me," he answered carefully.
Ayuru's grandmother smiled. "They call me Miz Zacharie."
"Chuin."
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TBC!!!!!!!!!! ::cries:: that was terrible! I had chills writing it!