Chapter two is finally here! erm..all pervious disclaimers and whatnot apply. ^^;
If I Fall
If I fall will he catch me? Or will he watch and laugh as I fall to my final end?
Do I care? Should I care?
If I fall would he know? Of course he would know; everyone would. But would he care? Do I want him to care? He whom has made my life miserable for almost six years? He whom haunts me at night, even from hundreds of miles away while he is asleep and unaware?
Does he know how much I hate him? Or rather, how much I don't? I hated him once, I'm sure I did. I still do.
I hate the way he makes me look at him, the way he draws my eyes from across the room by simply breathing.
He can even make a class I really enjoy into something miserable. He makes me watch him in Care of Magical Creatures as a usually boy-shy unicorn foal tries to nuzzle up to him. He seems afraid of it almost, though I think its not because the foal actually scares him, but he's afraid that it might ruin his image.
Hagrid told us that they only like pure, good people; they wont touch most of the Slytherin girls, and none of the boys.
All but one. Why him? Why of all people him? I suppose I should laugh at him like Ron is doing. After all, the unicorn seems to think that he's a good person despite being both male and Slytherin.
Another reason for me to hate him. One would think the unicorn would be more attracted to me than to him. It must be sick. Though...I'm really not the person everyone makes me out to be. I feel pride and hate and fear...maybe even love? I know he can't feel love; it's not in his blood to feel such emotions. All he knows is pride and anger and hate.
Hate towards me, simply because I am the Boy Who Lived. I certainly did not ask for that title. I would much rather be plain old Harry Potter, not the Bow Who Lived and Was Obsessed With His Rival. If I weren't who I am, and he wasn't who is, would he still hate me? Would he have reason to insult me and to make every possible attempt to hurt me?
Or could we have been friends? I'd never had friends before Ron and Hermione. If He hadn't been so terrible...I might have allowed myself to be sorted into Slytherin. And certainly we wouldn't hate each other so much then, right?
I'm like a moth to his cold flame. I want so desperately to get closer, but I know that it will only hurt me to do so. There is a thin pane of glass between us, my flame and I. His icy burning draws me near, coaxes me into looking, staring, beating on the unshatterable glass that he coolly ignores.
I hate him, I know I do. That's why I watch him. To make sure he doesn't hurt me. Not that he doesn't anyway... He hurts me without trying. Stupid Malfoy. It's all his fault; if it wasn't for him...I'm not sure. I wouldn't have a rival. Everyone needs a rival, right?
If it wasn't for him...I might be able to love someone. It's not important now, not really; I'm only 16, after all. I had a crush on Cho Chang once, but that went away after Fourth year. She was pretty and she played Quidditch, why shouldn't I have liked her? But...it wasn't right somehow. She was a crush, not someone I could love.
Someone to love...I love Ron and I love Hermione, but its a different kind of love. Hermione is attractive enough, but she's in love with Ron. I think they've both rather fancied each other since the 'Fluffy Incident' in First year.
Besides that, I'm not sure I quite fancy girls in the way that I should. Perhaps...I fancy boys? I know that it's not uncommon; Ron told me a few years ago about the twins and their friend, Lee. Seems that the twins really do share *everything*. So then boy-love is ok; Wizards are much more accepting of it than Muggles.
But even if I do fancy boys...I hate Malfoy. He always makes me look at him! That cold flame...I can't help it. All shades of black and white and silver-gray; like a beautiful marble statue, cold and aloof with a heart to match the cold exterior. But he's not beautiful, he too angular to be beautiful. He's...why am I even thinking this?
I hate him. Because he hates me. Because he makes me miserable when he's close to me and even more so when he's not. Stupid prat. Every holiday I'm miserable, no matter how much my friends try to cheer me up. Especially now that Ron and Hermione are together; they're still my friends, but I always feel like an extra wheel. If only I had someone...even if it were only Malfoy to bother me.
I was terribly bored this Christmas. Hermione decided to stay with Ron and me this year, so they were always off together, leaving me behind. Malfoy was gone, of course... that bloody git wouldn't leave me alone.
It's worse when I'm alone. He invades my thoughts with his pale skin and silvery hair... But I hate him. He hates me. I can't stop thinking about him, staring at him.... Why wont he let me go? Its almost as if he's cast a spell on me...
Sometimes I want to go to him. Not to hurt him or to make fun of him but to...But I don't think about that. Nor do I question myself on whether or not his skin would taste like ice, or if my lips on his would create a fire to melt him.
If I fall, he wouldn't care. Because I hate him.
If I fall, he would laugh.
Because he hates me differently then I hate him.
Owari! ^-^
v. 1.0: 1.17.01
v. 2.0: 8.16.02
Yay! I know people have been wanting this, so...here's the next chapter! XD This was supposed to only be three parts, really!! Three parts, three words in each title, three characters... Didn't happen. I think there's six parts. Next up: Ron gets to vent, and talks about Harry's 'Squishy Kitty Face.' ^-^;; I'd like to have all of this posted by the time I leave for college Wednesday morning. Wish me luck! . If you really wanna see it up by then, you've gotta give me lots of love. I have chocolate-covered Gryffindors this time! They're a little more willing to be dipped in chocolate than the Slytherins were...especially Seamus! ^.~
I love you guys lots! T-T You're all so great, especially for actually reading all these extra notes... A chocolate-covered Lupin shall be thrown in! XD
-=Keiran Shea=-
-a very nervous Random Sltherin