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Guardian Angel
Caressing Nothing


Sometimes what I thought were my best ideas actually turn out to be my worst. Honestly, I should really start rethinking what I do before actually acting it out. Then again, that would be acting out of character on my part. Me - Taichi - actually thinking before acting - now there's a thought!

I've come to this conclusion now, after four and a half hours since Kari and TK were here. It was my brilliant idea to see if TK could also see Matt like I could, which has to be one of the most dense actions I have ever taken.

[Tai, it wasn't that bad. Really.]

Shows what you know, I said, stretching along the bed and pulling the covers over tighter, as if it were a shield, blocking me from the rest of the world.

[Kari won't stay upset forever. You know TK: he'll talk some sense into her.]

Maybe I'm the one who needs some sense.

Matt sighed and had taken a seat next to me, attempting a smile. I only glared at him and turned away, taking the covers with me. He made a sound of annoyance and I couldn't help but think of how much he and TK sounded alike. When I had called out Matt's name and ran towards him, the two younger teens had gasped and wore a facial expression of confusion. No surprise in that. What shocked me was the fact that Kari burst into tears and ran out of the room. TK had grunted a sound that sounded just as Matt's did a moment ago and yelled something about faking to see Matt just to get them out of the house. It didn't make me feel any better or any security like I had hoped, and I'm guessing this means that neither TK or Kari could see Matt too.

How come TK can't see you? I asked. Don't you love him as much as me?

[Of course I do, but I could only choose one. I chose you on the basis that TK is moving on with his life and you aren't.]

This answer proceeded to make me annoyed. Everyone was always on my case of how I'm dealing with Matt's death, but why couldn't they just see that I'm like this? I don't want to just move on with my life. I don't really know how, but still - I'd rather just live the way I want without anyone harassing me about it.

I wish you would have been able to pick two because then I wouldn't have looked crazy in front of them, I said, allowing myself to frown and turn back to him.

[I wish so too, but I can't help it. There's no way of changing His procedure over things.]

I guess you're right, I said, but it's not going to make things better. Kari and TK are probably going to force me to see a psychiatrist now.

[Don't worry, relax.] Matt gave a reassuring smile and sat next to me on the bed. It was amazing how he didn't make any creases in it when he took a seat, but I suppose that's how being an angel works - he has no weight or mass.

I can't relax, I said. I didn't want to admit that I cared of what Kari and TK thought of my sanity. The thought of the duo thinking I'm insane and forcing me to see a psychiatrist sickened me, mainly because that would mean I would actually have to talk to someone about Matt's death. With TK and Kari, they don't dare bring up Matt's death to subject too much - unless one of them is angry; I never had to worry about talking to them about it. However, if they thought I was crazy, that would lead to a whole different thing

Matt frowned. [I'm not leaving here until you're relaxed.]

I couldn't help but laugh. How exactly will you do that? The only way you were able to relax me was either cuddle or have sex.

[I wouldn't doubt we can't do the latter of the two.]

There had never been a moment where I felt more shocked. How could he, though? He's dead My eyes suspiciously watched him approach me on the bed, but the hesitation didn't last. I loved Matt, and feelings of anticipation seized before I could stop them. He placed a finger before my lips, a signal for me to hush, to enjoy myself.

I pushed my sweatpants down and began to push my boxers as well. Matt waited for the clothing to be around my ankles before he said, [Put your hand there and I'll put my hand on top of yours.]

I did what I was told and hardly waited a moment before stroking myself. Masturbation had never really satisfied me since Matt's death and I rarely did it, but sometimes the need called. At this point, it was like I was masturbating, but it was so much more. The passion was there, like it had been when Matt and I would make love as youths. I may not be penetrated, nor be penetrating Matt, but there was a spark from this, even though I couldn't feel Matt's hand on mine as I continually caressed myself to ecstasy.

I came within a few minutes with a cry of Matt's name, fell back onto my bed, and closed my eyes. His presence left - I could feel it, and I opened my eyes.

Where are you going?

[I am being called to leave. Take care, Taichi.]

I closed my eyes once he was gone and found myself falling into a deep slumber of serenity.

***

Phones are really an evil demon of the earth. They cry, cry, and cry some more like some pathetic child for attention. It's attention the phone seeks - like a child - because as soon as you answer it, you're trapped in its wrath. You're most likely obliged speaking to your friends, coworkers, or worse: your mother.

She called early in the morning, complaining about something whatnot. Always complaining. I think mothers have a gift for that, and I hope dearly that Kari doesn't acquire it. Then again, the nagging has already begun by her. Anyway, I suppose Kari has spoken to her because she's worried about me again. It is really bothersome when she is in that state because then she begins coming over. Such as this morning.

I was just putting the sheets into the washing machine when she and Kari strolled into the lobby of my apartment building and spotted me. Kari made a face when she saw the sheets but said nothing, and I forced a smile on my face and greeted her and Mother warmly. My mother took into my fake cheeriness and began chatting away furiously, mainly about plans for her birthday party.

Why don't we go upstairs? Kari suggested. She glared at me and I realized she was still upset about yesterday. I really must have frightened her.

My mother agreed and we ended up sitting in my living room within a few moments. She had taken my comfort chair, and I'm glad she did or else there would have been complaining about buying a new couch.

Taichi, you really need to get a job, she said, fixing the fold of her skirt.

I clenched my teeth and sighed. I will.

She smiled and began chatting about her birthday again, which is on Wednesday. After some time, she glanced at the clock and said, I best be off.

Inside I was jumping with joy, but I merely forced a look of regret on my face as my mother stood. I showed her and Kari to the door and followed them downstairs to collect my laundry.

Tai, would you like to come with us to see everyone else? We're gathering at the park today, Kari explained.

No tha-

Tai, could you take your sister to the park? I just don't have the time today! The market is having it's Saturday Blowout sale and I want to get fresh spinach.

I cringed at the thought of my mother trying a new recipe with whatever she buys and saw Kari making the same face. I frowned, realizing this would mean having to see the others. Kari really looked like she wanted to go and sighing, I agreed reluctantly.

I'll pick up Kari tonight, my mother said, and she kissed both of our cheeks and was off.

Do we really have to go? I asked, stuffing the sheets into the dryer. I slid in two coins and turned around, hoping she would rather watch TV.

Yes, I want to go. I don't like spending my Saturdays indoor like you, she replied. Let's go after your sheets finish drying.

I nodded and had taken a seat next to her, but she frowned and turned the other way.

Kari, I'm sorry about the other day.

Why did you say that? Why did you call Matt's name and run as if you could see him? she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

I remembered mine and TK's conversation and said, I just wanted to be alone and I thought that would get you out of the house.

She frowned and her brow furrowed.

Come on, let's go get me dressed and then we'll get going.

She nodded and followed me up the stairs. As we walked, I couldn't help but notice she looked troubled. I really hope she bought my explanation.

I quickly changed in my room and I could hear her calling TK to say that we were on our way. It's hard not to believe Kari purposely did this to get me to come; she takes the train by herself all of the time. In a way, the only reason I'm doing this is to make up for yesterday.

Ready to go? I asked, coming out of the room.

She nodded and we went back downstairs to fetch my sheets. I gave her my keys to my car and told her to wait in there while I put the sheets in my room. When I came back down, I found her in the car waiting on the street.

Since when do you drive? I asked as I climbed into the driver's seat.

I don't, but I felt like trying. She shrugged and began gazing out of the window.

Kari, you could have gotten yourself into an accident, I said, putting on my seat belt.

Like you would have cared, she muttered, loud enough for me to hear.

I would have, I said quietly and began driving. We stayed in this awkward silence for a few minutes until she spoke again.

You do know that mom's going to stop paying for the insurance of this car if you don't get a job, right?

Yes, I knew that, I said, gripping my hands tighter on the steering wheel. I suppose I should get a job if she's planning to do that.

Whatever. Just get a job. She turned away from me and neither of us spoke again.

I sighed and continued to drive to Odaiba park: a place I loathed and wished on dear life that I didn't have to attend.


End of Chapter 4


I dislike writing lemons so I just wrote that shortly for a purpose in this story. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter ^^ Next chapter is crazy. Honestly.