Title:               Food for Thought

Summary:       Buffy gets a good talking to from her friends and family.

Spoilers:         Post "As You Were"; "Hell's Bells" and "Normal Again" didn't happen and won't.

Pairing:            Who do you think?

Rating:            PG-13

Disclaimer:     You know the deal.  Even though I wish I owned Spike, I own nothing.  All belongs to Joss.  I just play. 

Tara was having a bad day.  A jock on campus tried hitting on her this afternoon and he got confused when she said that she 'didn't play on his team'.  "Of course you don't play football," he had stated.  "You're a girl."  Yeah, he was definitely not a biochemist major, that's for sure.  Then, she practically got run over buy a bunch of frat guys playing Frisbee football.  Twisted her ankle trying to avoid them.  And to top it off, she got a C- on her Calculus exam.  By time she got home, she was an irritable, sore mess.  She prayed that things were calm in the household; she was close to blowing up at the next person who annoyed her.

"Hey, I'm home!"

Willow bounded down the stairs to greet her.  "Hey, how was class today?"

Tara made a disgusted face.  "Ugh.  You don't even want to know.  I'm just happy it's Friday!  Where's everybody?"

"Dawn's doing her homework upstairs and – get this – Anya offered to make dinner for us tonight!  Her and Xand are in the kitchen right now!"

She cringed.  "Anything blow up yet?"

"Nope!  Everything is smooth and smoke-free."

"How's Buffy?"

Willow sighed as they headed into the kitchen.  "Still mopey.  She hasn't gotten out of her PJs all day and she doesn't want to talk about it to anyone.  She just looks so empty.  I mean, yeah, people have left her before."

"Her dad, Angel, Riley, and Giles, to be exact," Tara agreed.

"Yeah, but they all had special relationships with her.  Spike is…. Well Spike is Spike."  Tara kept quiet to that.  "But I think that she just couldn't take the pain of yet another person leaving her," Willow finished.

"What she really needs to do," Anya interrupted from over the stove, "is to snap out of it.  She's been in full mope mode for over a week!  It's very depressing."

"I hate to say this," said Tara, "but I agree with her.  It's not going to do her any good and it's making everyone else irritable and edgy.  No one knows how to act around her…  Hold on I think I hear the phone.  Be right back."

When she got to the living room, the phone had stopped ringing and Buffy was sitting on the couch.

"Hey Buff. Who was on the phone?"

"Don't know."

"Didn't you answer it?"
"No."

"Why not?"
"Because."

Tara closed her eyes and sighed.  Okay, calm down.  She didn't answer the phone.  No biggie.  It's just been a long day.   She turned and headed back into the kitchen.

                                                            *****

Dinner was ready.  Tara went upstairs to let Dawn know it was time to eat.  As they came back down, they heard Willow in the living room trying to coax Buffy into eating.

"Dinner's ready, Buff."

"So?"

"Aren't you hungry?"

"Not really."

"But Buffy, you've barely eaten since…. well in a long time!  You're going to get sick!"

"So what?"

It could have been the events of the day, PMS, or maybe she was just extremely tired.  Actually, she was just sick of Buffy sulking.  Tara snapped.

"Oh my god.  I can't take this anymore.  I am so sick of this 'pity me' phase you're going through.  You 'hate' him remember?  It shouldn't upset you too much.  scoffs  You have to stop the denial.  Spike left.  Do you know why?  Do you know why people leave you?  Because you push them away. " Buffy flinched at that.

Hearing the raised voice, everyone hurried into the living room.   "Tara, back off," Xander yelled. 

She ignored him, ranting on.  "He loves you and all you did was step all over him.  And now you're pushing us away.  We're just looking out for you.  Do you think we like seeing you like this?  We want to help you heal.  But you have to let us help you."  She paused to think for a moment.  "No.  We can't help you.  You have to help yourself.  You don't like what happened?  Change it.  There are no ropes or chains holding you down.  Do something about the situation.  It'll make us all feel better."  With that, she stormed upstairs. 

No one knew what to say to Tara's outburst.  Buffy was still sitting, with a stunned look on her face.  "Ummm, Buff… Xander started to say.  She ignored him as she stood up and went up to her room.

                                                            *****

Dawn knocked on Buffy's door.  Without waiting for an answer, she walked in.  Buffy was curled up on her bed, clutching Mr. Gordo.  "Buffy?"
"Dawnie, what am I going to do?"
"Oh, Buffy," she said, sitting next to her and rubbing her back.  "I honestly don't know.  No one knows what's going on inside you.  How you feel.  Only you know."  She paused, with a thoughtful look on her face.  "But I do know something," she continued.  "You miss him.  And contrary to popular belief, no soul does not equal no love.  Spike loves you.  He took care of me even when you were gone because you asked him.  He cried for you.  He tortured himself for not being able to stop what happened."  Dawn stopped for a minute to let this sink in.  "Love is brains and emotions," she went on.  "Even if it's hate or disgust, as long as you show some sort of emotion, you can love.  Zombies, for example, show no emotion.  They can't love.  All they know is that they need to eat.  What about a human who's brain dead?  They can't think; therefore they don't know what they need or feel.  They show no emotion because they can't.  But yet they still have a soul.  They might have loved at one point, but now they don't.  Just think about it."

Buffy looked up at Dawn with an incredulous look on her face.  "And just how did you come up with this?"

"Don't know.  I may not always know or do the right things, but there are some things that I do know.  Being an old mystical ball of energy does has its plus side," she said with a grin.  She leaned down to kiss her on the forehead.  "Get some sleep.  We'll talk more tomorrow.  I love you."

"I love you too, Dawn."

                                                            *****

"Tara, I can't believe you freaked like that," Xander commented the next day in the Magic Box.  "You know how dejected she is now.  She didn't need you harping on her."

"I'm sorry, I really am," she replied.  "But she needs to pick herself up and be Buffy again.  She can't act like this forever."

"Yes!  She needed a good kick in the ass!"

The group turned around to look at Anya.  "Well she did!"

"She's right," a voice from the doorway commented.

"Buffy!  We didn't hear you come in," said Willow.  As an afterthought, she added, "Please don't kill Tara!"

She laughed, a real laugh, full of amusement.  The Scoobs turned and looked at each other.  They hadn't heard her laugh in ages.  She was dressed in jeans, a white shirt, leather jacket and boots.  There was an air of determination about her. 

"No, Willow, I'm not going to hurt Tara," she said.  "Actually, I need her help."  She walked over to her and gave Tara a warm hug.  "Thank you," she whispered in her ear. 

"No problem," she replied.  "I'll be happy to yell some sense into you anytime."  They both smiled at each other as they separated.

"And Xander," she said turning to him, "I need a car."

"But….  you don' t have a license….  or know how to drive!"

"The only reason I don't have a license is because I can't parallel park!  I took driver's ed.  Gas, brake, turn signal.  That's all!"

"But Buffy— "

"No buts.  You can give me a couple of lessons if you want, but I need a car.  ASAP."

Dawn just smiled.  It looks like me and Tara got our points across.  It's good to see the Buffy of old again.       

"Um, don't mind me asking, but what do you need a car for, anyway," Xander asked.

"I'm taking a road trip."

End Part 4

TBC

*  Not the best chapter.  Struggled a little to get it out.  But next chapter:  Cecelia and the tattoo?  Maybe…  ; - ) *