Standard disclaimers: Rurouni Kenshin not mine. Me poor. Don't sue. Shounen-ai. -_-;;;





So it happened that Okita and Sano arrived at the Kamiya Kassin Ryu dojo together. Kenshin was nowhere to be seen but Yahiko who was sweeping the front yard grumbled something about a 'hag' and 'tofu', so they assumed that he had gone to buy tofu with Kaoru again.

Seeing that the residents of the house were not present, Sano happily played host and offered tea to Okita, which they drank on the front porch. After all, it wasn't everyday that a man got to offer tea to a girl who was not only pretty, but non-abusive as well. With a grimace, he thought of the 'other women in his life': currently at a grand total of two - Kaoru and Megumi. Both violent. Both in his life but not quite his. He had to admit that his love life has gone down to almost nil since he'd given up on his gangster days and joined up with the Kenshin-gumi.

"So, your name is Souji," Sano said, trying to make small talk. "It's a pretty name... although a little boyish."

Okita only smiled.

"So...do you have a last name?" Sano continued.

"Harumasa. Harumasa Souji." Okita said. (author's note: Okita Souji's real name is Harumasa Souji. ^^)

"So..." Sano scratched his head. The small talk wasn't going well. He couldn't believe it, but he was almost wishing that Souji chattered like all the other women he'd known in his life. "So..." He began again, "How old are you?"

"I am thirty-three." Okita said, smiling serenely.

"Oh. That's nice..." Sano said, distracted by the smile, "So you're thirty-three. I'm... You're WHAT?!!!!" Sano jumped as what Okita said hit him.

"Thirty-three." Okita repeated, not blinking an eye. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes. I mean. No. Sorry. Uh..." Sano blinked. Thoughts flashed through his head. Way too old for me. Way too old. But he should have expected it, he realized. If Souji had been with Kenshin or Saitou during Bakumatsu.... Unless they were pedophiles...

At that time Kenshin and Kaoru returned to the dojo, Kenshin carrying his bucket of tofu as always and Kaoru looking very pretty in her white kimono with azaleas patterns in red thread. It wasn't very often that Kaoru dressed like a woman and Sano could only assume that she was trying harder now that Souji was there as competition. Not that Kenshin really noticed, Sano thought. Perhaps it was living so close to Death for so many years but the rurouni seemed completely oblivious to outward appearances in people. It was probably why Kenshin was always able to see the true nature of people, be it friends or enemies, regardless of their outward appearance. What aspects about women really caught Kenshin's interests...Sano doubted that even Kenshin himself knew.

Okita watched as Kenshin smiled brilliantly at Kaoru, asking her what she would like for dinner. As a couple, they looked perfect. Red hair contrasting with black, Kenshin standing a little taller than Kaoru (which couldn't be said of most women), the easy friendship and warmth obvious between them. Irritated at the slight twinge of jealousy but still unable to keep on watching them together, Okita turned away to watch the little boy practice. The boy has potential, he thought, and grinned as Yahiko's face got redder and redder the more he stared at him.

Kenshin turned to Okita, intending to ask him to stay for dinner, and felt a slight uneasiness. There was a look in the way Okita was watching Yahiko, the look that he had seen in his master's eyes countless times. Sharp eyes measuring up their target with almost brutal clarity. As if feeling Kenshin's gaze, Okita looked back at Kenshin and Kenshin fought back a tremor, his uneasiness growing.

"Yes?" Okita said, softly.

"Uh.. Souji-dono. Kaoru and I would be very pleased if you could join us for dinner.." Kenshin said, looking down at his toes... wondering why he couldn't face Souji now when he'd faced countless foes who were much more intimidating without fear.

Kaoru and I... Okita thought, biting his lower lip. It was probably just as well. Wasn't that what he'd told Tokio-san? That he just wanted to see Kenshin after such a long time? "I probably shouldn't stay. It seems I've already imposed too much..."

"Oh, don't be silly, Souji-san." Kaoru interrupted, grinning cheerfully. "We haven't had visitors for a while and it's nice to have someone other than Sano as a guest for a change. If..." Kaoru challenged mischeviously, "If you feel up to eating Kenshin's cooking again, that is..."

Okita figured that he'd never been one to pass up a challenge.







Okita gasped and startled awake from a nightmare to find himself sitting against a wall of the dark dojo. He grimaced at the pain in his head. Around him were the rest of the Kenshin-gumi in various sitting and lying positions, all asleep. Kenshin was sitting against the adjacent wall, also seemingly asleep...with Kaoru lying at his feet. Okita rubbed his head. It wasn't often he had nightmares. After all, the war had been over for a decade. But some things were difficult to forget.

He walked to the door, needing fresh air. He supposed that he should be ashamed of drinking the extra bit of sake, especially knowing that he had very little tolerance for the stuff. But as he watched Kaoru get drunk and lean more and more heavily against Kenshin sitting beside her, it had gotten harder to resist the temptation of alcohol. And now the dinner invitation had somehow gotten extended to a group sleep-over.

Okita sat on a corner of the porch, looking at the stars. He always looked at the stars after a nightmare...a habit he'd acquired years ago. He felt Kenshin walk up to him and sit a couple of feet away, but he didn't look down from the sky.

"Souji-san." Kenshin whispered when Okita didn't acknowledge his presence.

Okita kept staring at the dark night sky, splattered with countless glittering stars. "Himura-san..." he whispered back. "Do you believe that when people die, they become stars in heaven?"

Kenshin thought for a while. "That's what...Sakura-san... used to tell me when I was a child. She wanted to comfort me, I think. She said that the ones you love become the stars when they die. She wanted me to believe that my parents were looking down at me from the heaven."

Okita smiled. "And was it comforting?"

"Yes."

There was a silence... and then Okita said, "My mother used to tell me the same thing. Except...I think she forgot to say "loved" ones. She just said that people become stars in heaven when they die."

Kenshin pondered the significance of the word. Loved. A lot of people he had known had died. How many of them had he loved?

"...You had a nightmare." Kenshin said after a while.

"Yes."

"Do you have them often?" Kenshin asked, concerned.

"No...." Okita smiled. "And I don't mind them so much. It feels like...an occasional reminder to look at the stars and remember all the people from the past." Okita lowered his head. "And sometimes, I wonder what they must be thinking as they watch down on me. Even the loved ones. I've done some horrible things in my life."

Kenshin looked at the stars a little more closely. If Tomoe was watching him now.... along with all the other people he had killed... He grimaced.

"I'm sorry. I'm being overly sentimental and I really shouldn't do that to you." Okita smiled wanly. "It's probably the aftereffects of sake."

"I..." Kenshin paused, thinking. "I think... even if all the people I've killed were to look down on me with contempt... I wish what Sakura-san had told me was true. If Tomoe was watching me..." He smiled faintly. "It's like... I would face any number of enemies and risk the wrath of the world if I could see her again... perhaps it's my selfishness..."

"Tomoe...." Okita curled up on himself, wrapping his arms around his bent knees. "She was your wife?"

"Yes." Kenshin seemed lost in his thoughts.

And you loved her so much. Okita sighed, a painful squeeze in his chest. And I already decided to give up, remember? Just watching him should be enough. I must deserve at least that much... even with all the sins I've committed...

They sat in silence, each of them thinking of their lost youth and love. They were very much similar. Okita's willingness to give up his love. Kenshin's ability to accept his loss. Fate had been unkind and they were so accustomed to it that they no longer noticed.

Then there was a slightest whisper of a sound...perhaps the sound of a wind, hardly discernable. But both men stiffened. Stark silence followed and neither said anything.

In the darkness outside the walls surrounding the yard, a figure leaned against a tree and smiled. The sound had been intentional. That'll give them something to think about....



~ to be continued.