(EDITOR: Welcome to my first multi-chapter story! I wanted to make
something a bit less serious, more spontaneous, and hopefully funny. Thanks
to everyone who enjoyed my trilogy, "The Troubled Times" and its follow-up
epilogue. I really appreciate knowing that people read and liked my story.
This actually takes place after that trilogy (and epilogue), so I'm staying
on the same time line. I'll do my best not to keep people waiting for the
subsequent chapters and since at the time of this writing, I'm almost done
with Chapter 5, hopefully there won't be too much of a wait. Sit back and
relax and I hope you enjoy the story!)
Reality Bites
Chapter 1: This is Your Brain on Drugs (if you had one)
"Being a villain is boring…" Chameleon grumbled to himself, bouncing a rubber ball off the adjacent wall as he laid back in his bed. It was a boring day in the Raptor and the saurians were all stuck inside because of the severe thunderstorms moving through the area. Not to mention that Draguanus was still brooding over his recent defeat at the hands of the Mighty Ducks, heroes of Anaheim. As a result, the saurian lackeys were thrown in the throngs of boredom, forced to sulk around helplessly day after day, struggling to keep their sanity as their master was busy trying to piece together a new idea, another lifeline for the dragon to develop in order to defeat his long time enemies. Yet, Chameleon couldn't care less at this point. He started to think about what it would be like to be back in limbo, among his saurian friends. It would still surprise his fellow employees Wraith and Siege to know that he was a popular guy among the lower-ranking soldiers in Draguanus' army. His impressions always resulted in applause and laughter from the others, but now, the young shape-shifter was forced to sit out his days among brainless droids and his master, who didn't know the first thing about humor. Chameleon decided to get up and take a walk; anything was better than sitting in his room and succumbing to the same brooding that his allies were caught in.
Slowly stumbling down the hall, Chameleon watched the tubes lining the ceilings, their reddish forms bubbling with lava and steam, as they shot off into the distance, fading into an eventual darkness that would eventually find its way to the core. The saurian passed through a string of light and stopped, now standing at the door to the prison ward. He saw the damaged grate, kicked out during Duke and Nosedive's infiltration. Chameleon also caught a glimpse of the cell, where Bladebeak had been detained for a short time. Technically, they didn't keep him in there long because the bird had successfully conned a second chance out of Draguanus, but nevertheless, having somebody living in the room was always comforting to the saurian. He secretly enjoyed company, even with his allies, though they took the green creature for granted.
"Everything's so empty…" Chameleon grunted, kicking a stray bolt into the corner before heading back out, walking along a few corridors at random and soon following a noise that perked up his ears. Apparently, there was some work going on in the throne room, but Draguanus had not stepped in there for many days. Led by curiously, the elastic saurian opened the door and peeked in. He could see the familiar orange behemoth that was Siege, working on a wall while a small contingency of robots were doing repair work in scattered locations throughout the room. With a chance for one of his infamous impressions, Chameleon morphed into a police officer, waving his stick behind his back as he casually strolled up to Siege.
"So, what seems to be the problem?" he tried to sound like an authority figure, but Siege didn't even flinch at the wimpy voice interrupting his work.
"What does it look like?"
"Just wondering…after all, it least something is happening in this boring ship…" Chameleon morphed back, leaning against the wall.
"Why don't you stop complaining and help me then?!" Siege grew a little impatient, nodding his head over to a toolbox.
"Oooh, so what are we playing Uncle Siege, huh huh huh!" Chameleon leaped around in circles, taking the appearance of an overactive kindergartner.
"It's called take the dents out of the walls…now get to work…idiot…" Siege growled as he faced the wall, ignoring Chameleon, who was unimpressed by the other's lack of humor.
"Sorry, I think I hear Lord Draguanus calling…bye!" Chameleon shot off an excuse, disappearing back into the hallways before Siege's protests could be heard. He wasn't in the mood to do any work; he just wanted to enjoy himself a bit.
Strolling down the halls, awakened a little bit by the flurry of action, Chameleon found himself at the doors to one of Draguanus' chemical labs. Deciding to feed his curiosity, Chameleon headed inside and turned on the lights, illuminating a large variety of different vials and potions. Every color could be found among the hundreds of mysterious drinks, some sparkling in the fiery, artificial light. Chameleon saw a light blue potion with an airy appearance, and he began to examine it. It had no label, but looked incredibly stimulating to the saurian's mind…in the thin liquid, there were whitish swirls of white that resembled clouds. They floated along, slowly changing their twisting shapes in the vial, captivating the saurian.
"What is this stuff?" he said out loud, grabbing it in his scaly hands and fingering it, tapping on the glass as the white clouds bent and swirled in the bluish liquid. "Geez, this is just so neat…maybe if I…" Chameleon looked around carefully, hoping that nobody would spot him. Of course, the saurian rarely attracted the attention of the others, but they always seem to bother him exactly when he actually desired privacy.
Slowly pulling off the cork and bringing it close to his nose, Chameleon took a small whiff of the potion. The smell was tantalizing, soft and pleasant, indescribable, but pleasing. Chameleon watched it a little longer, taking in the smell and watching the drifting white swirls peacefully floating among the liquid, forming a variety of shapes that caught Chameleon in a daze, memorizing him into a drowsy stupor. All of a sudden, caution was thrown out the window as the saurian downed the contents of the vial, feeling its refreshing taste cooling his senses and dancing along his long, forked tongue. Chameleon could feel instant comfort from the potion, its nourishment making his nerves slow as he sat on the floor. Taking in the whole experience, Chameleon hadn't even wondered what he had drunk when he caught in pleasant dreams, peacefully snuggled against the dusty leg of a table, his smile alluring and intoxicated.
All of a sudden, Chameleon awoke when a vial above him, flew off the edge of a table and clocked him in the head. Jumping up, startled, Chameleon saw a small rat scurrying across the table. Annoyed, the saurian grabbed it and opened a waste chute, chucking it down the dark portal without any sympathy, despite its desperate cries. The green figure rubbed his head, trying to clear the cobwebs out of his head and focus on the room around him. Chameleon didn't remember falling asleep, but he did recall drinking that enchanting potion, now mere droplets remaining among the empty vial, laying next to the spot where he had dozed off.
"What happened?" Chameleon stuttered, still rubbing his disorientated head as he returned to the vial. "Uh oh…I drank it." The saurian took the vacant bottle and stuffed it out of sight, hidden in back of a particularly colorful array of potions, none nearly as interesting as the one he had consumed. Chameleon peaked down the corridor as he made a sly escape, quietly sneaking down to his room, his head swimming with dazzling colors. After bumping into several walls, Chameleon found his room and leaped inside, falling back on his bed, watching the ceiling flash with a beautiful swirl of light, various colors illuminating the stretch of typically cold metal and making it seem alive. Somehow, the saurian didn't feel like sleeping anymore, his only interest was watching the kaleidoscope unfolding on his ceiling, his eyes glowing with awe. Although, the serene moment was suddenly shattered by a head, developing from the oozing colors, flashing a smile at Chameleon, who with a scream, jumped off the bed, and slid underneath it, shaking in freight.
"I'm going crazy!" he mumbled, closing his eyes and mentally picturing the face. It looked like Draguanus, if his master was actually a clown. The monstrosity had rainbow-like teeth and wore large, triangular sunglasses. His afro was colorful, streaked in brilliant hues of blue, yellow, and red. It was unlike anything the saurian ever saw before.
"Heyyyy, dude, come on out. I haven't got all day!" Chameleon's eyes snapped open, sweat developing at his pores when he heard the cool, leathery voice booming over his room. Hesitantly sliding his head out, a wacky scream quickly made him dash into the far corner under his bed, the dust balls flying around him, causing a fit of sneezing.
"Don't be afraid, little green dude. I'm here to make your dreams come true!"
"Huh?" Chameleon gave a look of confusion, staring out from under the bed as the blaze of color slid off the ceiling, down to the wall, the face rematerializing and looking at him amusedly.
"Come on out…you have awakened me…"
"What do you mean by that?" Chameleon's voice shook a little, still imprinted with fear as the shining face chuckled.
"You drank the potion right?"
"No and you can't prove it!."
"Well, we both know you did… no bother lying to me."
"So…what if I did?! What are you going to do about it."
"Nothing. I'm happy you drank it."
"Huh? Why?"
"You have awakened me!"
"So…I drank you?"
"Yeah…don't you see?"
"No…" Chameleon pushed himself out from under the bed, grabbing a blaster on a nearby dresser before defensively seating himself on the bed, aiming the weapon at the face.
"Oh, come on, dude! That won't be necessary. You can't hurt me!" the head spun in circles, Chameleon firing out in his freakish state. Of course, the head was proven true. The blasts only dented the wall and the head laughed it off while sliding over to another, undisturbed piece of the surface.
"See, what'd I tell ya, greeny?"
"What the heck are you!"
"Well…I don't have a name."
"You're a gigantic head of light!" Chameleon whimpered, sliding towards the corner, his skin illuminated in wide variety of reflected tones.
"Right you are, but I am something much more important."
"Like…?"
"Have you ever heard of a plot device?"
"Uhhhh…no. What's a plot device?" Chameleon was baffled, as he scratched his head in thought.
"Well, you need a story right?"
"Uhhh, but isn't there already one?"
"Face it, babe. You weren't going anywhere. You were bored, downed a mysterious potion, and suffered from illusions. If that doesn't put the audience to sleep, nothing will."
"Hey, but I can be funny!"
"To yourself. Face it…everyone wants to see the ducks!"
"How about a story for us?"
"Well, to your dismay, that's not possible…"
"Why not?!" Chameleon snapped, finding it insulting how a crazy, sparkling face of light could be telling him he wasn't worth a story.
"Because, you are what is called a supporting character. See, you are here to be dumb, crack jokes and make impressions while your master is beaten over and over again by the Mighty Ducks, which are the main characters."
"Sounds stupid to me."
"It is…but it works."
"Why can't we have a series of our own?"
"Well, that's because it's been proven that people like ducks more than chameleons. It doesn't mean that you don't make a great simple villain to take abuse."
"So, what are you doing here?"
"Well, your master seems to be on a lunch break or something like that and the other bad guys are reeling from defeat, right?"
"Right…"
"So, here I am, a plot device that you just happened to choose. Drank me down and here I am, ready to create a plot."
"Am I in it?"
"Hmmm…possibly, but it will center on the ducks."
"That's no fair, I object!"
"Oh, come on…you get front row seats, and it's gonna be a blast, dude! All you need to do in this story is lay down on your bed and watch."
"Really? No getting fired at or having to obey orders?" Chameleon's interest was now piqued at the thought.
"That's right…well, unless the plot changes all of a sudden. We're going to play by ear actually."
"Do I get snacks?"
"Sure…this is a comedy." The head winked, and a ding noise reached Chameleon's ears. All of a sudden, he saw buckets of popcorn, assorted candy bars, and giant cups of pop scattered around his bed and on the floor. The saurian danced with glee, a storm of kernels bouncing up and down with him as he collapsed again, popcorn and candy flying around his happy form. Grabbing the nearest bucket and a cup of soda off the floor, he sat back against the walls and relaxed, ready to see the action unfold.
"So what's the plot gonna be, huh?"
"Well, since this is a comedy, the rules for the Brotherhood of Delusionatory Heads…"
"What, the brotherhood of dawhosawhatzit heads?!"
"Don't worry about it, greeny. It's merely an imaginary name in order to establish some kind of background behind my character. I don't even get a newsletter."
"Well, I do…" Chameleon said, pulling out a few sheets of stapled paper from the top drawer of his dresser. "It's called the Saurian Times."
"You get a newsletter?!"
"Yeah, but it's just an opportunity for Draguanus to yell at us in writing…see?" he held it out towards the head. Endless strings of curses lined the pages front and back, in crude handwriting. "I wonder how he does it with those fingernails."
"Gee, not exactly grade A bathroom reading material."
"Nah, but it's a nice replacement when we run out of toilet paper. There was the one time Siege…"
"Ummm, don't you want to get this started?"
"What started?"
"The plot!"
"Isn't this a plot?" the face smiled to itself at that one. Chameleon did have a point.
"Yes…but not a good one."
"What would a good one be?"
"The ducks?"
"Oh yeah!" Chameleon leaped back onto his bed, dropping the papers and snuggling in between a couple large buckets of popcorn. "Go ahead…I'll be watching with interest."
"Sit back and relax, because the ducks are going to get a taste of reality, super sized!" the face whooped a couple times, laughing along with Chameleon in a screeching chorus before the wall began to turn into a screen, its first image on the living room of the Mighty Ducks headquarters…
(Next time: The ducks see a news report…but something about it disturbs their inner tranquility…if that's a hint. Next is Chapter 2, "A Big Mac for a Big Duck"!)
Reality Bites
Chapter 1: This is Your Brain on Drugs (if you had one)
"Being a villain is boring…" Chameleon grumbled to himself, bouncing a rubber ball off the adjacent wall as he laid back in his bed. It was a boring day in the Raptor and the saurians were all stuck inside because of the severe thunderstorms moving through the area. Not to mention that Draguanus was still brooding over his recent defeat at the hands of the Mighty Ducks, heroes of Anaheim. As a result, the saurian lackeys were thrown in the throngs of boredom, forced to sulk around helplessly day after day, struggling to keep their sanity as their master was busy trying to piece together a new idea, another lifeline for the dragon to develop in order to defeat his long time enemies. Yet, Chameleon couldn't care less at this point. He started to think about what it would be like to be back in limbo, among his saurian friends. It would still surprise his fellow employees Wraith and Siege to know that he was a popular guy among the lower-ranking soldiers in Draguanus' army. His impressions always resulted in applause and laughter from the others, but now, the young shape-shifter was forced to sit out his days among brainless droids and his master, who didn't know the first thing about humor. Chameleon decided to get up and take a walk; anything was better than sitting in his room and succumbing to the same brooding that his allies were caught in.
Slowly stumbling down the hall, Chameleon watched the tubes lining the ceilings, their reddish forms bubbling with lava and steam, as they shot off into the distance, fading into an eventual darkness that would eventually find its way to the core. The saurian passed through a string of light and stopped, now standing at the door to the prison ward. He saw the damaged grate, kicked out during Duke and Nosedive's infiltration. Chameleon also caught a glimpse of the cell, where Bladebeak had been detained for a short time. Technically, they didn't keep him in there long because the bird had successfully conned a second chance out of Draguanus, but nevertheless, having somebody living in the room was always comforting to the saurian. He secretly enjoyed company, even with his allies, though they took the green creature for granted.
"Everything's so empty…" Chameleon grunted, kicking a stray bolt into the corner before heading back out, walking along a few corridors at random and soon following a noise that perked up his ears. Apparently, there was some work going on in the throne room, but Draguanus had not stepped in there for many days. Led by curiously, the elastic saurian opened the door and peeked in. He could see the familiar orange behemoth that was Siege, working on a wall while a small contingency of robots were doing repair work in scattered locations throughout the room. With a chance for one of his infamous impressions, Chameleon morphed into a police officer, waving his stick behind his back as he casually strolled up to Siege.
"So, what seems to be the problem?" he tried to sound like an authority figure, but Siege didn't even flinch at the wimpy voice interrupting his work.
"What does it look like?"
"Just wondering…after all, it least something is happening in this boring ship…" Chameleon morphed back, leaning against the wall.
"Why don't you stop complaining and help me then?!" Siege grew a little impatient, nodding his head over to a toolbox.
"Oooh, so what are we playing Uncle Siege, huh huh huh!" Chameleon leaped around in circles, taking the appearance of an overactive kindergartner.
"It's called take the dents out of the walls…now get to work…idiot…" Siege growled as he faced the wall, ignoring Chameleon, who was unimpressed by the other's lack of humor.
"Sorry, I think I hear Lord Draguanus calling…bye!" Chameleon shot off an excuse, disappearing back into the hallways before Siege's protests could be heard. He wasn't in the mood to do any work; he just wanted to enjoy himself a bit.
Strolling down the halls, awakened a little bit by the flurry of action, Chameleon found himself at the doors to one of Draguanus' chemical labs. Deciding to feed his curiosity, Chameleon headed inside and turned on the lights, illuminating a large variety of different vials and potions. Every color could be found among the hundreds of mysterious drinks, some sparkling in the fiery, artificial light. Chameleon saw a light blue potion with an airy appearance, and he began to examine it. It had no label, but looked incredibly stimulating to the saurian's mind…in the thin liquid, there were whitish swirls of white that resembled clouds. They floated along, slowly changing their twisting shapes in the vial, captivating the saurian.
"What is this stuff?" he said out loud, grabbing it in his scaly hands and fingering it, tapping on the glass as the white clouds bent and swirled in the bluish liquid. "Geez, this is just so neat…maybe if I…" Chameleon looked around carefully, hoping that nobody would spot him. Of course, the saurian rarely attracted the attention of the others, but they always seem to bother him exactly when he actually desired privacy.
Slowly pulling off the cork and bringing it close to his nose, Chameleon took a small whiff of the potion. The smell was tantalizing, soft and pleasant, indescribable, but pleasing. Chameleon watched it a little longer, taking in the smell and watching the drifting white swirls peacefully floating among the liquid, forming a variety of shapes that caught Chameleon in a daze, memorizing him into a drowsy stupor. All of a sudden, caution was thrown out the window as the saurian downed the contents of the vial, feeling its refreshing taste cooling his senses and dancing along his long, forked tongue. Chameleon could feel instant comfort from the potion, its nourishment making his nerves slow as he sat on the floor. Taking in the whole experience, Chameleon hadn't even wondered what he had drunk when he caught in pleasant dreams, peacefully snuggled against the dusty leg of a table, his smile alluring and intoxicated.
All of a sudden, Chameleon awoke when a vial above him, flew off the edge of a table and clocked him in the head. Jumping up, startled, Chameleon saw a small rat scurrying across the table. Annoyed, the saurian grabbed it and opened a waste chute, chucking it down the dark portal without any sympathy, despite its desperate cries. The green figure rubbed his head, trying to clear the cobwebs out of his head and focus on the room around him. Chameleon didn't remember falling asleep, but he did recall drinking that enchanting potion, now mere droplets remaining among the empty vial, laying next to the spot where he had dozed off.
"What happened?" Chameleon stuttered, still rubbing his disorientated head as he returned to the vial. "Uh oh…I drank it." The saurian took the vacant bottle and stuffed it out of sight, hidden in back of a particularly colorful array of potions, none nearly as interesting as the one he had consumed. Chameleon peaked down the corridor as he made a sly escape, quietly sneaking down to his room, his head swimming with dazzling colors. After bumping into several walls, Chameleon found his room and leaped inside, falling back on his bed, watching the ceiling flash with a beautiful swirl of light, various colors illuminating the stretch of typically cold metal and making it seem alive. Somehow, the saurian didn't feel like sleeping anymore, his only interest was watching the kaleidoscope unfolding on his ceiling, his eyes glowing with awe. Although, the serene moment was suddenly shattered by a head, developing from the oozing colors, flashing a smile at Chameleon, who with a scream, jumped off the bed, and slid underneath it, shaking in freight.
"I'm going crazy!" he mumbled, closing his eyes and mentally picturing the face. It looked like Draguanus, if his master was actually a clown. The monstrosity had rainbow-like teeth and wore large, triangular sunglasses. His afro was colorful, streaked in brilliant hues of blue, yellow, and red. It was unlike anything the saurian ever saw before.
"Heyyyy, dude, come on out. I haven't got all day!" Chameleon's eyes snapped open, sweat developing at his pores when he heard the cool, leathery voice booming over his room. Hesitantly sliding his head out, a wacky scream quickly made him dash into the far corner under his bed, the dust balls flying around him, causing a fit of sneezing.
"Don't be afraid, little green dude. I'm here to make your dreams come true!"
"Huh?" Chameleon gave a look of confusion, staring out from under the bed as the blaze of color slid off the ceiling, down to the wall, the face rematerializing and looking at him amusedly.
"Come on out…you have awakened me…"
"What do you mean by that?" Chameleon's voice shook a little, still imprinted with fear as the shining face chuckled.
"You drank the potion right?"
"No and you can't prove it!."
"Well, we both know you did… no bother lying to me."
"So…what if I did?! What are you going to do about it."
"Nothing. I'm happy you drank it."
"Huh? Why?"
"You have awakened me!"
"So…I drank you?"
"Yeah…don't you see?"
"No…" Chameleon pushed himself out from under the bed, grabbing a blaster on a nearby dresser before defensively seating himself on the bed, aiming the weapon at the face.
"Oh, come on, dude! That won't be necessary. You can't hurt me!" the head spun in circles, Chameleon firing out in his freakish state. Of course, the head was proven true. The blasts only dented the wall and the head laughed it off while sliding over to another, undisturbed piece of the surface.
"See, what'd I tell ya, greeny?"
"What the heck are you!"
"Well…I don't have a name."
"You're a gigantic head of light!" Chameleon whimpered, sliding towards the corner, his skin illuminated in wide variety of reflected tones.
"Right you are, but I am something much more important."
"Like…?"
"Have you ever heard of a plot device?"
"Uhhhh…no. What's a plot device?" Chameleon was baffled, as he scratched his head in thought.
"Well, you need a story right?"
"Uhhh, but isn't there already one?"
"Face it, babe. You weren't going anywhere. You were bored, downed a mysterious potion, and suffered from illusions. If that doesn't put the audience to sleep, nothing will."
"Hey, but I can be funny!"
"To yourself. Face it…everyone wants to see the ducks!"
"How about a story for us?"
"Well, to your dismay, that's not possible…"
"Why not?!" Chameleon snapped, finding it insulting how a crazy, sparkling face of light could be telling him he wasn't worth a story.
"Because, you are what is called a supporting character. See, you are here to be dumb, crack jokes and make impressions while your master is beaten over and over again by the Mighty Ducks, which are the main characters."
"Sounds stupid to me."
"It is…but it works."
"Why can't we have a series of our own?"
"Well, that's because it's been proven that people like ducks more than chameleons. It doesn't mean that you don't make a great simple villain to take abuse."
"So, what are you doing here?"
"Well, your master seems to be on a lunch break or something like that and the other bad guys are reeling from defeat, right?"
"Right…"
"So, here I am, a plot device that you just happened to choose. Drank me down and here I am, ready to create a plot."
"Am I in it?"
"Hmmm…possibly, but it will center on the ducks."
"That's no fair, I object!"
"Oh, come on…you get front row seats, and it's gonna be a blast, dude! All you need to do in this story is lay down on your bed and watch."
"Really? No getting fired at or having to obey orders?" Chameleon's interest was now piqued at the thought.
"That's right…well, unless the plot changes all of a sudden. We're going to play by ear actually."
"Do I get snacks?"
"Sure…this is a comedy." The head winked, and a ding noise reached Chameleon's ears. All of a sudden, he saw buckets of popcorn, assorted candy bars, and giant cups of pop scattered around his bed and on the floor. The saurian danced with glee, a storm of kernels bouncing up and down with him as he collapsed again, popcorn and candy flying around his happy form. Grabbing the nearest bucket and a cup of soda off the floor, he sat back against the walls and relaxed, ready to see the action unfold.
"So what's the plot gonna be, huh?"
"Well, since this is a comedy, the rules for the Brotherhood of Delusionatory Heads…"
"What, the brotherhood of dawhosawhatzit heads?!"
"Don't worry about it, greeny. It's merely an imaginary name in order to establish some kind of background behind my character. I don't even get a newsletter."
"Well, I do…" Chameleon said, pulling out a few sheets of stapled paper from the top drawer of his dresser. "It's called the Saurian Times."
"You get a newsletter?!"
"Yeah, but it's just an opportunity for Draguanus to yell at us in writing…see?" he held it out towards the head. Endless strings of curses lined the pages front and back, in crude handwriting. "I wonder how he does it with those fingernails."
"Gee, not exactly grade A bathroom reading material."
"Nah, but it's a nice replacement when we run out of toilet paper. There was the one time Siege…"
"Ummm, don't you want to get this started?"
"What started?"
"The plot!"
"Isn't this a plot?" the face smiled to itself at that one. Chameleon did have a point.
"Yes…but not a good one."
"What would a good one be?"
"The ducks?"
"Oh yeah!" Chameleon leaped back onto his bed, dropping the papers and snuggling in between a couple large buckets of popcorn. "Go ahead…I'll be watching with interest."
"Sit back and relax, because the ducks are going to get a taste of reality, super sized!" the face whooped a couple times, laughing along with Chameleon in a screeching chorus before the wall began to turn into a screen, its first image on the living room of the Mighty Ducks headquarters…
(Next time: The ducks see a news report…but something about it disturbs their inner tranquility…if that's a hint. Next is Chapter 2, "A Big Mac for a Big Duck"!)