Reality Bites
Chapter 2: Big Mac for a Big Duck
"Another morning…" Wildwing stretched, standing at the back door of the Anaheim Pond with a cup of orange juice, watching the sun slowly rise into the sky, overpowering the artificiality of the city and bathing it in rich morning light. Wildwing was often the first one up; as leader of the Mighty Ducks, it was up to him to set a good example for the others. That includes being up bright and early to take in the sun and pull a few exercises in the gym to maintain his cardiovascular strength. After all, the saurians could attack at any time, and having agility was one of the keys to victory.
"Ok, enough boring stuff about me…I wonder who else is up." Wildwing threw his empty cup in the air, catching it fancifully behind his back as he opened the door and strolled down to the living quarters. When he got into the living room, Duke and Tanya were up, their half-sleeping forms sprawled out on the furniture, awaiting the caffeine rush to take effect from their half devoured cups of coffee.
"Hey, Wildwing."
"Hi Duke…Tanya. What's the news today?"
"You don't got it?" Duke gave a questioning glance to Wildwing, who snapped his fingers in realization.
"Crap, I forgot the paper…"
"Alright, let's watch the news then." Tanya mumbled, her absent- minded fingers carefully pounding all over the remote. After a few moments, the television popped on, at full volume, the booming voice of an early morning MTV music video blasting the ducks fully awake. Tanya quickly turned the volume down, mumbling something about Nosedive, sighing as she turned it to the news station.
"Sorry guys…"
"My…ears…ouch." Duke grunted, rubbing his temples and groaning to himself. Their attention soon turned to the television.
"Hey, it's about us." Wildwing saw their logo on the screen and plopped down on the couch to watch.
"And in recent news, the Mighty Ducks manager, Phil Palmfeather, has just announced that one of the ducks has been traded away to another NHL team in a stunning move. That's right, folks…the hockey player known as Grin, will be traded off to the Detroit Red Wings. Apparently, rumors persist that after a luxury dinner at McDonalds and a personal night with one of the team's secretaries that Palmfeather was quote 'more than happy' to give them one of his players. Unfortunately, Grin couldn't be reached for comment."
In related news, the Detroit Red Wing's secretary, 'Babe' Pillowpounder, has announced she's moving to Anaheim…" Tanya clicked the television off, their dumbfounded glances turned to Wildwing, who was stupefied, his mouth hanging over and his eyes nearly as big as pucks. Suddenly, his expression turned to a vicious snarl.
WHAAAAAAAAT?!" He screamed out, startling Mallory, who soon came out in robes, her slumping form brandishing a puck launcher.
"Alright, show me the saurians!" she demanded, her eyes still coated with sleep and limbs barely hanging off her overdressed body. After a moment of studying Wildwing's expression, she put down the puck launcher and grew confused.
"What is it?"
"PHIL'S TRADING GRIN TO ANOTHER TEAM!!!" Wildwing shouted, clenching his fists for a second before dashing to the nearest phone book to look up Phil's number.
"Man, we got to get a new manager…" Tanya muttered.
"Can you believe that? A big mac and ugly girl later and he's giving the big guy away?"
"What the hell is up with that?!" Mallory shouted in outrage.
"Yeah. He can check half a team with one finger. We need him!" Tanya joined in.
"Yeah, and I'm starting to make sense of his mystical zen-like stories…" Duke added with a sip of coffee, drawing stares from the others.
"You…understand him?" Tanya sat up on the couch, staring at Duke. Mallory scratched her head in confusion. To break the awkward silence, Wildwing slammed down the phone and angrily stormed back into the living room.
"HE DOESN'T ANSWER THE PHONE!"
"Of course. He's with Miss Pillpopper…"
"Pillowpounder!"
"Whatever!"
"I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!"
"Wildwing, calm down, we'll get this straightened around."
"Yeah, don't sweat it. They won't take Grin without a fight. Besides, Grin could flick away the entire NHL commission with a thought." Duke gave a chuckle at the mental picture as he took another sip of the coffee.
"We have to tell him, I guess.
"You're right Tanya. But not before I slaughter Phil for doing that…"
"Wildwing, cool it!" Duke replied, drawing nods from his companions. "We'll take care of it."
"How dare he does that, behind our backs! Where does that man get the audacity to sell off our team members?!" Wildwing's anger was still brewing over the words, albeit a more subdued tone.
"Please, Wildwing…this is Phil we're talking about."
"Yeah, I guess it is."
"What do we tell Grin?"
"Tell me what?" Grin's large gray frame was standing in one of the entrances to the room. Decked out in his battle gear, he assembled himself in a corner, crossing his legs together and getting ready to meditate.
"Grin, Phil sold you off to Detroit…but I won't let him get away with it…I promise you…" Wildwing's fists clenched again, his beak seething with anger as the words came out in a hissing noise. The other ducks were a lot taken back by the white mallard's uncharacteristic rage.
"Calm yourself, Wildwing. The path to enlightenment is one of peaceful…"
"Grin, he traded you off for a girl and a big mac!" Duke thrown in mid-sentence.
"…OR forceful negotiation." Grin finished his comment, showing a dissatisfied frown, doused with violent intentions.
"Geez…what else can happen?" Tanya moaned, leaning back and looking out at the rest of the team. They had no idea.
"I might as well go tell Dive the news…" Wildwing mumbled, walking off to Nosedive's door, which wasn't far off the main living room. It was a surprise that with all the commotion that the teen didn't wake up, but this was Nosedive. This was a duck so gifted, that he could sleepwalk to Taco Tower and mumble his order, eating breakfast and returning for practice before waking up when Phil would accidentally drop his clipboard. Wildwing chuckled to himself as he arrived the door and slowly knocked.
"Dive?" All of a sudden, Wildwing heard a tape recorder beginning to play on the other side of the door.
"You have reached the door to Nosedive Flashbeak. Unfortunately, I'm sleeping at the time. If this is Wildwing, come back later dude, yeesh! If this is Mallory, I didn't switch your tooth paste for the expired milk…" Mallory let a ferocious shriek, silenced by Duke who was intently listening with the others to the recording. "If this is Grin, hello zen dude and remember, Bernie the Bear is one with deception, ha! If this is Tanya, please remember Lectic Land opens at 10AM. Oh, and if this Duke, I told you yesterday, Folgers is better, Maxwell Man! If you are an evil saurian overlord or one of his scaly creepzillas, please leave a message and I'll puck you back to last Tuesday when I happen to wake up." A beep followed, Wildwing staring back at the team, who all returned amused grins, except Mallory, which had firmly gripped her puck launcher, ready for combat. The ducks quickly tried to talk her out of walking in and destroying the teen in his sleep, while Wildwing kept knocking at the door, trying to wake Nosedive up.
The teen was nuzzled under a pile of comics from last night, using an unopened bag of chips as his pillow and curled in a fetal position. He smiled keenly when the recording played but started to groan when he heard the familiar knocks of Wildwing continuing to rhythmically tap on his door.
"Dive, wake up!" he heard Wildwing's voice, behind him the sounds of struggle as the screams of an enraged Mallory overpowered their protests, reaching the teen's ears.
"Oops…guess I shouldn't…have…(yawn)…mentioned the rotten milk." He grinned pleasantly, nestling into his comics as Wildwing continued to knock, growing slightly more forceful.
"Come on Nosedive, get up!"
"Go away!" Nosedive's ears rang at the sound of his own voice as he buried his head under the bag of chips.
"Nosedive, we need to talk."
"Not with the amazon…" Nosedive yelled back, stopping mid-sentence to feebly try sleeping again.
"What did he call me?!" Mallory barked in reply, her swift banging momentarily racking the door.
"Get out here, you little twerp!" She screamed through the door, Nosedive cringing at the sound of her early-morning, banshee voice. Mumbling incoherently, he shifted and gave a yelp as he plummeted out of the bed to the cold floor.
"Yikes, that's cold!" the words echoing out the door, some of the ducks chuckling to themselves. Wildwing turned to Mallory, who now had her puck launcher ready to shoot at the door, amid defiance from the others.
"Mallory, stop that!"
"Forget it, Wildwing. I'm giving your brother a one way trip to the emergency ward!"
"Mal Mal, didn't you hear him? He didn't do it…I did!" Duke caught his mouth…he accidentally thought out loud and now faced the surprised stares of the other ducks.
"Nosedive…didn't…do it?" Mallory dropped the puck launcher, her beak drooping open in disbelief.
"Uhhh…" Duke struggled to think up an excuse to get himself out of the fryer, but instead, took a step back and nodding his head mischievously.
"I'm…" Mallory started up loud, but suddenly, the fatigued look dominated her complexion again and her shoulders sunk. "…going back to sleep." She stumbled off, dragging the puck launcher behind her. However, next to Duke, she tensed up and extended a condemning finger to his beak. "I'll take care of you later…" she growled primitively before disappearing in her room down the corridor. Duke gulped.
"You…pulled a prank on Mallory?" Wildwing was still focused on Duke, ignoring his brother in the next room. Nosedive's head suddenly appeared out of the door, startling Wildwing as it bumped into his side.
"Ouch…klutz…Duke, my man!" Nosedive came out in an old T-shirt and shorts. "Way to go!" he held up a high five, which Duke returned happily, his dashing smile back in place.
"Wait, I'm still uh, umm, you know, confused here." Tanya stuttered, leaning on the arm of the couch as if it was her only support. "You…didn't do it?"
"My idea, but only our masterful former thief could handle such an important task!" Nosedive gave a big smile, smoothly rolling the words as he shifted an arm around Duke's shoulder. The gray mallard folded his arms and gave another dashing smile, now proud of his accomplishment.
"Yup, yup, yup. The look on her eyes was priceless, Kid…she was ready to kill."
"That's our girly girl!" the two of them beamed together, until Wildwing suddenly stepped in front of them.
"If you two are done."
"No big bro, not yet…"
"Dive." Wildwing's warning tone was in play, terminating the playful moment.
"What? Oh yeah, you woke me up baldy!" Nosedive's finger bluntly poked Wildwing's chest challengingly. The while mallard decided to overlook the opportunity to attack his sibling and delivered the news.
"Forget about that. Phil traded Grin off!"
"Huh?"
"Phil gave away Grin to Detroit!" Nosedive's face slowly loosened up on its mock-annoyance and adopted a shocked appearance.
"No! Zen-meister!" he ran up to Grin, causing the large bird to raise an eyebrow in response. "You can't go! You're the Grinster, Zen-man, vile betrayer to my case against Bernie the Bear!" Nosedive dramatically wailed, his bony arms desperately trying to shake Grin's massive form in protest, but to no avail. "Bro, give me a puck launcher…I'll give Phil a little counter-proposal!" a sly grin invaded his beak, but as much as Wildwing would have wanted to see it, he had to shake his head no.
"Believe me, little bro, I wanted to nail him too. I can't reach him, but we'll get to the bottom of this."
"Hey, we don't we use the Drake and track him down?!" Nosedive piped up. Tanya actually raised her eyebrows at the suggestion; the teen actually came up with a point the others didn't take into account.
"We did install that tracking device in his beeper…" Tanya rubbed the bottom of her beak in thought and she got up, towards the ready room, the brothers and Duke in close pursuit. Grin eventually came in a few seconds after Tanya began hastily typing in commands for the computer. A large- scale map of Anaheim popped up, with the tracking device activated. It glowed at a street corner on the east side of the city.
"Lincoln and Rio Vista." Tanya read the screen, looking to the others.
"Hey, isn't there a Motel Six there?" Duke brought up inquisitively.
"Yeah, that's where all the sleazy managers go to…hey!" Nosedive made the connection and waved his gun-toting hand to get everyone's attention. "To the migrator!"
"That's my line." Wildwing crossed his arms, refusing to move. He pushed his belt buckle, changing into battle mode, the other ducks following suite. Tanya managed to go and retrieve Mallory, who groggily changed into battle gear and soon reappeared, still sporting her puck blaster. Wildwing, seeing the team was assembled and with mask in place, valiantly extended his hand out, dramatically pointing to the vehicle.
'To the migrator!"
"Oy…" Nosedive slapped his forehead, as he and Duke joined the others on board.
Phil laid back in bed and enjoyed a couple of left over chocolates from last night. The sight of peeling wallpaper and cracked windows didn't deter him from the extraordinary sight in the bed, next to him. Sure enough, Suzy "Babe" Pillowpounder was smoking a cigar, giving a satisfactory smile as she drowsily traced the yellowed patterns in the wallpaper, over to Phil, who returned a peaceful glance.
"Babe…you…are so good."
"I know."
"I never knew that you gave such good foot massages…" Phil jumped out of bed, fully dressed in his business suit, except for his socks and shoes, his bare feet lightly touching the stained carpet.
"Yeah, that was my all-nighter foot massage special. Really, I should have worked as a foot therapist."
"Oh, my feet never felt so good!" Phil pranced around the room for a minute, letting himself fall back onto a grungy chair in the far corner, sighing as his wiggling toes danced upon his tensionless feet.
"Let's call room service!" the woman threw the covers off her body. She was fully dressed as well, the wrinkles in her pressed business suit shining with the sunlight, blazing through the old blinds dangling limply off the rotted window frames.
"Is there room service, babe?"
"Oh…guess not, but there's an IHOP down the street."
"Great, babe! Oh, what could be better?" A knock at the door interrupted his joyful mood. He cautiously listened to the door and opened it a crack, a well placed kick broke the chain lock and the door flew open, Phil stumbling back onto the bed as his female accomplice screamed.
"So, Phil…" Wildwing gave a dark smirk under the illuminating mask. "Tell us more about this tradeoff with Detroit." A chorus of cocked puck blasters accompanied his words.
"Uh…boobies, please. Can't we talk about this?"
"We are, and here's the thing, Phil. Grin goes…you go."
"And not so complete." Nosedive shot an evil grin, sliding a finger across his neck, giving the sign of decapitation.
"What do you mean?" Phil leaned back to the opposite side of the bed, his nervous glance and beads of sweat apparent to all the ducks.
"Say goodbye to your…"
"Not my little piggies!" his toes quickly dove for cover under a fold of a bedsheet.
"Yeah, Phil. A little meatball surgery for our manager!" Duke took out his duck blade, pointing it towards the large man's feet threateningly.
"Boobulas…let's make a deal…anything but the piggies!"
"Ah, so you've come to your senses…" Wildwing grinned, glancing to the others, copying the expression amongst themselves.
An hour later, a deal was worked out at the IHOP. Detroit wasn't so happy to get the short end of the stick, so Phil had to whine and moan his way into a cooperative move. He only had to pay a million dollars in reparations and Ms. Pillowpounder had to return to Detroit to continue to work as secretary. Soon after, the woman left alone, her voluptuous curves teasing the guys as she casually strolled out, calling for a taxi before disappearing from the manager's life forever.
"Boobies…now that was an awesome woman…" Phil shot an empty gaze out the window, swinging his half empty coffee cup back and forth to mimic her hips. "My feet were never so happy."
"Phil…" Wildwing said forcefully, the moment slightly trivialized by the noisy chomping on pancakes by the neighboring Nosedive. "Don't you ever do that again!"
"Hey, it's business."
"Would you like us to claim it was business when he happen to find a new manager?" Grin surprisingly added to the conversation. Phil's eyes opened wide, knowing that if the titan had actually spoke then they meant business.
"Won't happen again boobies! In fact, to make it up to you, I won't have any photo shoots for a whole day!" Phil gasped at the thought of lost revenue, but the ducks seemed unimpressed by the tiny sacrifice.
"A week Phil!" Nosedive shot out a couple spots of pancake as his stuffed mouth worked tirelessly to mow down the food. Wildwing gave him a disgusted look along with Mallory and Tanya, but they soon looked back to Phil, seeing if he would surrender to their stares. A couple gulps and a quick look at his checkbook later, Phil sunk his head in approval.
"Ah, finally some peaceful time to contemplate to myself." Grin commented, quickly finishing off his last pancake and sipping his ice water.
"Mall crawling time!" Mallory exclaimed, nudging Tanya, the other female agreeing when the words 'Lectic Land' came into in Mallory's plans.
"Captain Comics, here I come!" Nosedive tried to jump up, but Wildwing held him by the arm and using the other arm to hold back the rest.
"We got practice, remember?"
"Oh, Wildwing. Don't be so stingy. We just saved our teammate from a fate worse then death and you want to hold practice?" Duke slid back in his seat, trying to send him a mental signal to reconsider. The white mallard didn't seem to get it.
"We may have saved Grin, but we still have to practice. Back to the Pond!"
"Coming Phil?" Mallory turned around to see the manager busily dialing his cell phone.
"No, booby. I got calls to make…" Phil glanced down at his phone despairingly, thinking about the woman that changed his life…already gone on a plane back to Detroit. "I wonder if the Red Wings need a new manager?" but, Phil's thoughts were interrupted when the bill appeared on the table. Grumbling, he flipped through his wallet and said a sad goodbye to a small wad of bills.
"Brilliant! I love it!" Chameleon laughed, spilling some popcorn and absent-mindedly grabbing another, his greasy hand filled with more buttery kernels.
"Hold on, Greeny! It's only going to get better! Wanna make the calls?" The face grinned slyly, leaning towards the cell phone next to Chameleon's body. The small saurian picked it up and joyfully dialing the first number, ready to cause a little more trouble for the ducks.
"Isn't this better than some stupid plan to steal beryllium crystals?" The face saw the approval on Chameleon's sniveling mouth.
"This is too good…and the best thing is the ducks can't even track us down for it!"
"That's right!" the two mismatched beings laughed as the screen on the wall started to fade out and develop an image of the Anaheim Pond, the ducks heading inside the rink, unsuspecting of what was going to happen next…
(Next time: Chameleon and his drug-induced friend are done making the calls, so double trouble comes the ducks' way. Coming up next is "Practice, Pizza, and Public Servants, Oh My!")
Chapter 2: Big Mac for a Big Duck
"Another morning…" Wildwing stretched, standing at the back door of the Anaheim Pond with a cup of orange juice, watching the sun slowly rise into the sky, overpowering the artificiality of the city and bathing it in rich morning light. Wildwing was often the first one up; as leader of the Mighty Ducks, it was up to him to set a good example for the others. That includes being up bright and early to take in the sun and pull a few exercises in the gym to maintain his cardiovascular strength. After all, the saurians could attack at any time, and having agility was one of the keys to victory.
"Ok, enough boring stuff about me…I wonder who else is up." Wildwing threw his empty cup in the air, catching it fancifully behind his back as he opened the door and strolled down to the living quarters. When he got into the living room, Duke and Tanya were up, their half-sleeping forms sprawled out on the furniture, awaiting the caffeine rush to take effect from their half devoured cups of coffee.
"Hey, Wildwing."
"Hi Duke…Tanya. What's the news today?"
"You don't got it?" Duke gave a questioning glance to Wildwing, who snapped his fingers in realization.
"Crap, I forgot the paper…"
"Alright, let's watch the news then." Tanya mumbled, her absent- minded fingers carefully pounding all over the remote. After a few moments, the television popped on, at full volume, the booming voice of an early morning MTV music video blasting the ducks fully awake. Tanya quickly turned the volume down, mumbling something about Nosedive, sighing as she turned it to the news station.
"Sorry guys…"
"My…ears…ouch." Duke grunted, rubbing his temples and groaning to himself. Their attention soon turned to the television.
"Hey, it's about us." Wildwing saw their logo on the screen and plopped down on the couch to watch.
"And in recent news, the Mighty Ducks manager, Phil Palmfeather, has just announced that one of the ducks has been traded away to another NHL team in a stunning move. That's right, folks…the hockey player known as Grin, will be traded off to the Detroit Red Wings. Apparently, rumors persist that after a luxury dinner at McDonalds and a personal night with one of the team's secretaries that Palmfeather was quote 'more than happy' to give them one of his players. Unfortunately, Grin couldn't be reached for comment."
In related news, the Detroit Red Wing's secretary, 'Babe' Pillowpounder, has announced she's moving to Anaheim…" Tanya clicked the television off, their dumbfounded glances turned to Wildwing, who was stupefied, his mouth hanging over and his eyes nearly as big as pucks. Suddenly, his expression turned to a vicious snarl.
WHAAAAAAAAT?!" He screamed out, startling Mallory, who soon came out in robes, her slumping form brandishing a puck launcher.
"Alright, show me the saurians!" she demanded, her eyes still coated with sleep and limbs barely hanging off her overdressed body. After a moment of studying Wildwing's expression, she put down the puck launcher and grew confused.
"What is it?"
"PHIL'S TRADING GRIN TO ANOTHER TEAM!!!" Wildwing shouted, clenching his fists for a second before dashing to the nearest phone book to look up Phil's number.
"Man, we got to get a new manager…" Tanya muttered.
"Can you believe that? A big mac and ugly girl later and he's giving the big guy away?"
"What the hell is up with that?!" Mallory shouted in outrage.
"Yeah. He can check half a team with one finger. We need him!" Tanya joined in.
"Yeah, and I'm starting to make sense of his mystical zen-like stories…" Duke added with a sip of coffee, drawing stares from the others.
"You…understand him?" Tanya sat up on the couch, staring at Duke. Mallory scratched her head in confusion. To break the awkward silence, Wildwing slammed down the phone and angrily stormed back into the living room.
"HE DOESN'T ANSWER THE PHONE!"
"Of course. He's with Miss Pillpopper…"
"Pillowpounder!"
"Whatever!"
"I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!"
"Wildwing, calm down, we'll get this straightened around."
"Yeah, don't sweat it. They won't take Grin without a fight. Besides, Grin could flick away the entire NHL commission with a thought." Duke gave a chuckle at the mental picture as he took another sip of the coffee.
"We have to tell him, I guess.
"You're right Tanya. But not before I slaughter Phil for doing that…"
"Wildwing, cool it!" Duke replied, drawing nods from his companions. "We'll take care of it."
"How dare he does that, behind our backs! Where does that man get the audacity to sell off our team members?!" Wildwing's anger was still brewing over the words, albeit a more subdued tone.
"Please, Wildwing…this is Phil we're talking about."
"Yeah, I guess it is."
"What do we tell Grin?"
"Tell me what?" Grin's large gray frame was standing in one of the entrances to the room. Decked out in his battle gear, he assembled himself in a corner, crossing his legs together and getting ready to meditate.
"Grin, Phil sold you off to Detroit…but I won't let him get away with it…I promise you…" Wildwing's fists clenched again, his beak seething with anger as the words came out in a hissing noise. The other ducks were a lot taken back by the white mallard's uncharacteristic rage.
"Calm yourself, Wildwing. The path to enlightenment is one of peaceful…"
"Grin, he traded you off for a girl and a big mac!" Duke thrown in mid-sentence.
"…OR forceful negotiation." Grin finished his comment, showing a dissatisfied frown, doused with violent intentions.
"Geez…what else can happen?" Tanya moaned, leaning back and looking out at the rest of the team. They had no idea.
"I might as well go tell Dive the news…" Wildwing mumbled, walking off to Nosedive's door, which wasn't far off the main living room. It was a surprise that with all the commotion that the teen didn't wake up, but this was Nosedive. This was a duck so gifted, that he could sleepwalk to Taco Tower and mumble his order, eating breakfast and returning for practice before waking up when Phil would accidentally drop his clipboard. Wildwing chuckled to himself as he arrived the door and slowly knocked.
"Dive?" All of a sudden, Wildwing heard a tape recorder beginning to play on the other side of the door.
"You have reached the door to Nosedive Flashbeak. Unfortunately, I'm sleeping at the time. If this is Wildwing, come back later dude, yeesh! If this is Mallory, I didn't switch your tooth paste for the expired milk…" Mallory let a ferocious shriek, silenced by Duke who was intently listening with the others to the recording. "If this is Grin, hello zen dude and remember, Bernie the Bear is one with deception, ha! If this is Tanya, please remember Lectic Land opens at 10AM. Oh, and if this Duke, I told you yesterday, Folgers is better, Maxwell Man! If you are an evil saurian overlord or one of his scaly creepzillas, please leave a message and I'll puck you back to last Tuesday when I happen to wake up." A beep followed, Wildwing staring back at the team, who all returned amused grins, except Mallory, which had firmly gripped her puck launcher, ready for combat. The ducks quickly tried to talk her out of walking in and destroying the teen in his sleep, while Wildwing kept knocking at the door, trying to wake Nosedive up.
The teen was nuzzled under a pile of comics from last night, using an unopened bag of chips as his pillow and curled in a fetal position. He smiled keenly when the recording played but started to groan when he heard the familiar knocks of Wildwing continuing to rhythmically tap on his door.
"Dive, wake up!" he heard Wildwing's voice, behind him the sounds of struggle as the screams of an enraged Mallory overpowered their protests, reaching the teen's ears.
"Oops…guess I shouldn't…have…(yawn)…mentioned the rotten milk." He grinned pleasantly, nestling into his comics as Wildwing continued to knock, growing slightly more forceful.
"Come on Nosedive, get up!"
"Go away!" Nosedive's ears rang at the sound of his own voice as he buried his head under the bag of chips.
"Nosedive, we need to talk."
"Not with the amazon…" Nosedive yelled back, stopping mid-sentence to feebly try sleeping again.
"What did he call me?!" Mallory barked in reply, her swift banging momentarily racking the door.
"Get out here, you little twerp!" She screamed through the door, Nosedive cringing at the sound of her early-morning, banshee voice. Mumbling incoherently, he shifted and gave a yelp as he plummeted out of the bed to the cold floor.
"Yikes, that's cold!" the words echoing out the door, some of the ducks chuckling to themselves. Wildwing turned to Mallory, who now had her puck launcher ready to shoot at the door, amid defiance from the others.
"Mallory, stop that!"
"Forget it, Wildwing. I'm giving your brother a one way trip to the emergency ward!"
"Mal Mal, didn't you hear him? He didn't do it…I did!" Duke caught his mouth…he accidentally thought out loud and now faced the surprised stares of the other ducks.
"Nosedive…didn't…do it?" Mallory dropped the puck launcher, her beak drooping open in disbelief.
"Uhhh…" Duke struggled to think up an excuse to get himself out of the fryer, but instead, took a step back and nodding his head mischievously.
"I'm…" Mallory started up loud, but suddenly, the fatigued look dominated her complexion again and her shoulders sunk. "…going back to sleep." She stumbled off, dragging the puck launcher behind her. However, next to Duke, she tensed up and extended a condemning finger to his beak. "I'll take care of you later…" she growled primitively before disappearing in her room down the corridor. Duke gulped.
"You…pulled a prank on Mallory?" Wildwing was still focused on Duke, ignoring his brother in the next room. Nosedive's head suddenly appeared out of the door, startling Wildwing as it bumped into his side.
"Ouch…klutz…Duke, my man!" Nosedive came out in an old T-shirt and shorts. "Way to go!" he held up a high five, which Duke returned happily, his dashing smile back in place.
"Wait, I'm still uh, umm, you know, confused here." Tanya stuttered, leaning on the arm of the couch as if it was her only support. "You…didn't do it?"
"My idea, but only our masterful former thief could handle such an important task!" Nosedive gave a big smile, smoothly rolling the words as he shifted an arm around Duke's shoulder. The gray mallard folded his arms and gave another dashing smile, now proud of his accomplishment.
"Yup, yup, yup. The look on her eyes was priceless, Kid…she was ready to kill."
"That's our girly girl!" the two of them beamed together, until Wildwing suddenly stepped in front of them.
"If you two are done."
"No big bro, not yet…"
"Dive." Wildwing's warning tone was in play, terminating the playful moment.
"What? Oh yeah, you woke me up baldy!" Nosedive's finger bluntly poked Wildwing's chest challengingly. The while mallard decided to overlook the opportunity to attack his sibling and delivered the news.
"Forget about that. Phil traded Grin off!"
"Huh?"
"Phil gave away Grin to Detroit!" Nosedive's face slowly loosened up on its mock-annoyance and adopted a shocked appearance.
"No! Zen-meister!" he ran up to Grin, causing the large bird to raise an eyebrow in response. "You can't go! You're the Grinster, Zen-man, vile betrayer to my case against Bernie the Bear!" Nosedive dramatically wailed, his bony arms desperately trying to shake Grin's massive form in protest, but to no avail. "Bro, give me a puck launcher…I'll give Phil a little counter-proposal!" a sly grin invaded his beak, but as much as Wildwing would have wanted to see it, he had to shake his head no.
"Believe me, little bro, I wanted to nail him too. I can't reach him, but we'll get to the bottom of this."
"Hey, we don't we use the Drake and track him down?!" Nosedive piped up. Tanya actually raised her eyebrows at the suggestion; the teen actually came up with a point the others didn't take into account.
"We did install that tracking device in his beeper…" Tanya rubbed the bottom of her beak in thought and she got up, towards the ready room, the brothers and Duke in close pursuit. Grin eventually came in a few seconds after Tanya began hastily typing in commands for the computer. A large- scale map of Anaheim popped up, with the tracking device activated. It glowed at a street corner on the east side of the city.
"Lincoln and Rio Vista." Tanya read the screen, looking to the others.
"Hey, isn't there a Motel Six there?" Duke brought up inquisitively.
"Yeah, that's where all the sleazy managers go to…hey!" Nosedive made the connection and waved his gun-toting hand to get everyone's attention. "To the migrator!"
"That's my line." Wildwing crossed his arms, refusing to move. He pushed his belt buckle, changing into battle mode, the other ducks following suite. Tanya managed to go and retrieve Mallory, who groggily changed into battle gear and soon reappeared, still sporting her puck blaster. Wildwing, seeing the team was assembled and with mask in place, valiantly extended his hand out, dramatically pointing to the vehicle.
'To the migrator!"
"Oy…" Nosedive slapped his forehead, as he and Duke joined the others on board.
Phil laid back in bed and enjoyed a couple of left over chocolates from last night. The sight of peeling wallpaper and cracked windows didn't deter him from the extraordinary sight in the bed, next to him. Sure enough, Suzy "Babe" Pillowpounder was smoking a cigar, giving a satisfactory smile as she drowsily traced the yellowed patterns in the wallpaper, over to Phil, who returned a peaceful glance.
"Babe…you…are so good."
"I know."
"I never knew that you gave such good foot massages…" Phil jumped out of bed, fully dressed in his business suit, except for his socks and shoes, his bare feet lightly touching the stained carpet.
"Yeah, that was my all-nighter foot massage special. Really, I should have worked as a foot therapist."
"Oh, my feet never felt so good!" Phil pranced around the room for a minute, letting himself fall back onto a grungy chair in the far corner, sighing as his wiggling toes danced upon his tensionless feet.
"Let's call room service!" the woman threw the covers off her body. She was fully dressed as well, the wrinkles in her pressed business suit shining with the sunlight, blazing through the old blinds dangling limply off the rotted window frames.
"Is there room service, babe?"
"Oh…guess not, but there's an IHOP down the street."
"Great, babe! Oh, what could be better?" A knock at the door interrupted his joyful mood. He cautiously listened to the door and opened it a crack, a well placed kick broke the chain lock and the door flew open, Phil stumbling back onto the bed as his female accomplice screamed.
"So, Phil…" Wildwing gave a dark smirk under the illuminating mask. "Tell us more about this tradeoff with Detroit." A chorus of cocked puck blasters accompanied his words.
"Uh…boobies, please. Can't we talk about this?"
"We are, and here's the thing, Phil. Grin goes…you go."
"And not so complete." Nosedive shot an evil grin, sliding a finger across his neck, giving the sign of decapitation.
"What do you mean?" Phil leaned back to the opposite side of the bed, his nervous glance and beads of sweat apparent to all the ducks.
"Say goodbye to your…"
"Not my little piggies!" his toes quickly dove for cover under a fold of a bedsheet.
"Yeah, Phil. A little meatball surgery for our manager!" Duke took out his duck blade, pointing it towards the large man's feet threateningly.
"Boobulas…let's make a deal…anything but the piggies!"
"Ah, so you've come to your senses…" Wildwing grinned, glancing to the others, copying the expression amongst themselves.
An hour later, a deal was worked out at the IHOP. Detroit wasn't so happy to get the short end of the stick, so Phil had to whine and moan his way into a cooperative move. He only had to pay a million dollars in reparations and Ms. Pillowpounder had to return to Detroit to continue to work as secretary. Soon after, the woman left alone, her voluptuous curves teasing the guys as she casually strolled out, calling for a taxi before disappearing from the manager's life forever.
"Boobies…now that was an awesome woman…" Phil shot an empty gaze out the window, swinging his half empty coffee cup back and forth to mimic her hips. "My feet were never so happy."
"Phil…" Wildwing said forcefully, the moment slightly trivialized by the noisy chomping on pancakes by the neighboring Nosedive. "Don't you ever do that again!"
"Hey, it's business."
"Would you like us to claim it was business when he happen to find a new manager?" Grin surprisingly added to the conversation. Phil's eyes opened wide, knowing that if the titan had actually spoke then they meant business.
"Won't happen again boobies! In fact, to make it up to you, I won't have any photo shoots for a whole day!" Phil gasped at the thought of lost revenue, but the ducks seemed unimpressed by the tiny sacrifice.
"A week Phil!" Nosedive shot out a couple spots of pancake as his stuffed mouth worked tirelessly to mow down the food. Wildwing gave him a disgusted look along with Mallory and Tanya, but they soon looked back to Phil, seeing if he would surrender to their stares. A couple gulps and a quick look at his checkbook later, Phil sunk his head in approval.
"Ah, finally some peaceful time to contemplate to myself." Grin commented, quickly finishing off his last pancake and sipping his ice water.
"Mall crawling time!" Mallory exclaimed, nudging Tanya, the other female agreeing when the words 'Lectic Land' came into in Mallory's plans.
"Captain Comics, here I come!" Nosedive tried to jump up, but Wildwing held him by the arm and using the other arm to hold back the rest.
"We got practice, remember?"
"Oh, Wildwing. Don't be so stingy. We just saved our teammate from a fate worse then death and you want to hold practice?" Duke slid back in his seat, trying to send him a mental signal to reconsider. The white mallard didn't seem to get it.
"We may have saved Grin, but we still have to practice. Back to the Pond!"
"Coming Phil?" Mallory turned around to see the manager busily dialing his cell phone.
"No, booby. I got calls to make…" Phil glanced down at his phone despairingly, thinking about the woman that changed his life…already gone on a plane back to Detroit. "I wonder if the Red Wings need a new manager?" but, Phil's thoughts were interrupted when the bill appeared on the table. Grumbling, he flipped through his wallet and said a sad goodbye to a small wad of bills.
"Brilliant! I love it!" Chameleon laughed, spilling some popcorn and absent-mindedly grabbing another, his greasy hand filled with more buttery kernels.
"Hold on, Greeny! It's only going to get better! Wanna make the calls?" The face grinned slyly, leaning towards the cell phone next to Chameleon's body. The small saurian picked it up and joyfully dialing the first number, ready to cause a little more trouble for the ducks.
"Isn't this better than some stupid plan to steal beryllium crystals?" The face saw the approval on Chameleon's sniveling mouth.
"This is too good…and the best thing is the ducks can't even track us down for it!"
"That's right!" the two mismatched beings laughed as the screen on the wall started to fade out and develop an image of the Anaheim Pond, the ducks heading inside the rink, unsuspecting of what was going to happen next…
(Next time: Chameleon and his drug-induced friend are done making the calls, so double trouble comes the ducks' way. Coming up next is "Practice, Pizza, and Public Servants, Oh My!")