(EDITOR: For some reason, I submitted this chapter, and it wasn't double spaced like it normally should have. Weird.)
Reality Bites
Chapter 3: Practice, Pizza, and Public Servants, Oh My!
The Mighty Ducks were back, already decked out in their hockey gear, playing a mock game for practice. Nosedive, Wildwing, and Tanya were teamed up against the other three. Duke and Nosedive were not too happy having to play on opposite teams, so they playfully became competitive with each other, often fiercely battling over the puck as the others just watched. However, the two were also double-teaming the rest of the team at the same time. Nosedive pretended to miss a swat of his stick, turning his back to Wildwing to impair the mallard's vision, allowing Duke to score a swift goal on the leader. Wildwing put down his stick and folded his arms, getting the hint in the behavior of his teammates.
"You know, I can tell you two are playing us for saps."
"Yeah, knock it off!" Mallory's unnerving voice backed up the white mallard.
"Seriously Wing, you put us apart on purpose."
"Yeah. I thought we were supposed to practice our double-teaming strategies."
"But, you two shouldn't forget how to play solo either."
"Ha, that's too easy!" Nosedive gave a snort, drawing another evil eye from Mallory. He put on his helmet and gave Duke a pat on the shoulder, the two skating to their respective sides.
"Let's do it!"
"I'm not going easy on you now, Kid."
"Don't forget what numero uno ducko has the puck!"
Suddenly, Wildwing's com activated. Jumping up, thinking it was Draguanus, the avian was already in battle gear when he realized that it was just someone at the Pond's front door.
"Draguanus?" the others came running up.
"No, just some kid...with pizza?"
"Yeah, I'm hungry!" Nosedive took off his mask, licking his lips (or the equivalent of them).
"You just ate!" Tanya exclaimed.
"He's growing!" Duke chuckled, getting a wink of approval from Nosedive. The two Flashbeaks started walking towards the door, Nosedive poking his brother in the side.
"Seriously, big bro. You can't walk up to the pizza delivery guy decked out in battle gear."
"It could be a trap." They both caught the sight of the small pizza delivery boy, a young teenager in ripped jeans and a Radiohead T-shirt, struggling to see any sign of life as he pinned his head to the glass doors. Spotting the ducks, he waved, and grew a little startled to see one duck, eyeing him under a mask while the younger one, in causal wear, was rolling his eyes.
"Wing, you're pi-ti-ful! Nosedive saw his brother shrug his shoulders as the mallard answered the door. "Pizza? For me...you shouldn't have!"
"Uhhh, are you a Mr. Duck?"
"No, I'm a Mr. Flashblade, but since I'm a duck, I'll take it anyway!"
"Ok..." the timid boy handed him the pizzas, Nosedive dishing out a twenty-dollar bill and handing it over.
"Could I ask one more thing, Mr. Flashblade."
"Nosedive."
"Nosedive, got it. Is there any way you could autograph my cap?"
"After you tell me who's your favorite." Wildwing moaned as he switched into casual wear, snatching the pizzas from Nosedive, scanning them with the mask suspiciously while waiting for his brother.
"You are!"
"In that case, of course I'll sign it!" Nosedive beamed as the boy handed him a marker. Happily signing his name on the hat, the boy began to twitch from excitement before slipping away, heading back to his car and continuously looking back, enthralled by the experience he just had. Nosedive turned around, snatching the pizzas back and sticking his tongue out playfully.
"The pizzas aren't tainted." Wildwing dryly commented.
"Man, you are such a bummer! Using a legendary mask to scan for the possibility of stale sausage! You got no humor! I think that runs with baldness."
"I'm not bald!"
"Look, just because you got in a fight with a hairdryer and poofed those feathers..."
"It's hair!"
"Ha...feathers."
"Hair!"
"Feathers!"
"Wait..."
"Feathers!"
"Stop, Dive. I gotta go check on the mail. I'll be right back." Wildwing walked over to the deposit box near the glass doors and grabbed a handful of envelopes, returning to his brother's side as they continued back towards the rink.
"Hair."
"Feathers!"
"That's it!" Wildwing started to make as if he was going to sprint after Nosedive, and the duck took off running, slipping out onto the ice, almost flipping head over heels as he made an embarrassingly ungraceful fall to the ground. Miraculously, the pizzas were fine, landing next to him, still stacked on top of each other. Laughter followed through, Nosedive getting up and striking a karate pose as Wildwing came in, ignoring him and casually flipping through the mail.
"Hey, Mallory, you got something here." He waved a white letter, reeking of formality. The female duck grabbed it, studying the envelope for a minute.
"What's the IRS?"
"Oh man!" Nosedive clamored up, leaning over Mallory's shoulders to look, which earned him a brunt elbow in the gut. The teenager, however, didn't cease his attempts to see the letter. "I heard real bad things about them. Phil says they are worse than Draguanus."
"What's it stand for?" Duke asked, unfamiliar with the name.
"Intergalatic Robbing System or something like that." Tanya scoffed at Nosedive's reply, skating next to Mallory.
"It's the Internal Revenue Service." She gave a look towards the teen before returning her eyes to Mallory's curious gaze. "It's co-extensive with the government."
"What do they want with me?"
"We better see." Mallory complied with Tanya and opened the letter. Reading the letter for a moment, her mouth dropped open as she seemed to rescan a single spot in the paper repeatedly.
"TAX EVASION!" she roared, shaking the paper in disbelief. "I swear, if this is any of your work..." she shook her fist at Nosedive and Duke, which both backed up an inch, holding their hands up defensively, their startled faces shaking in denial. She frantically waved the paper, handing it over to Tanya, who skimmed over the sheet quickly.
"This says that there was a report that you are evading paying taxes so now you are going to be audited. That's...well, uh...serious."
"And who said I was evading taxes?!" her infamous growl and evil glare once again stabbing at the two mallards, which were still denying the charges.
"Mal Mal, I swear, I had nothing to do with this one, girly girl!"
"Me neither!"
"I don't believe you..."
Who would have made the report then?" Wildwing pondered, fingering the remaining letters in his restless hands.
"Maybe Draggy is trying a less direct method of attack?" Nosedive's small crack was met with clenched teeth and a deathly look from Mallory. He gave a timid chuckle as he backed up, moving towards Wildwing for protection.
"Well, we do have the records, so we can prove to the auditor that you haven't evaded on taxes." Tanya reassured Mallory, whose tense shoulders sunk a little bit at the comment.
"I can't believe this is happening..." Mallory groaned as she skated away, into the locker room.
"You didn't do this, right bro?" Wildwing's mask-covered gaze was trying to grill the answer out of Nosedive, but the teen only returned a confused look, shrugging his shoulders. None of the team could admit to pulling the stunt.
"Well, I guess practice is over..." Wildwing muttered, as he switched back into hockey gear, he and the team heading to the lockers to switch out of their gear. As Wildwing plopped down the letters on a bench, Grin passed by, casting a quick glance on the letters. His eyes happened to catch that the next letter was specifically for Wildwing and Phil, the subject listed as Nosedive.
"Wildwing, it appears that the next letter is yours."
"Huh?" Wildwing's head popped up from removing his skates, and walked over to the letter, picking it up and surprised to see both his and his manager names listed on it. "What's this? The SS?". Tearing the envelope, he found several papers inside, accompanied by a formal letter, addressing him. Eyeing it suspiciously, the team could see his gaze turn from hesitant curiosity to shock and anger.
"They're...they're..." he stuttered, his beak hanging open as he stared at the letter. Nosedive strolled over, trying to gain a look at what was disturbing his brother so much.
"What is it, Wing? What's it say?"
"They can't do this!"
"Can't do what?!"
"Social Services wants to take you away! To them, you're a minor!"
"He is a minor..." Tanya pointed out, earning stares from the Flashbeaks and Duke.
"That's besides the point. None of us qualify as legal guardians so they are coming to take Nosedive away! They can't do that!"
"Oh man, this bites! I can't believe those humans!" Nosedive grew angry, slightly nervous at the thought of being separated from the team. He had been on Earth for nearly a whole season and only a few months away from his 18th birthday did the government decide to tear him away?
"Don't worry, Kid. We'll settle it." Duke came up with a hand on the teen's shoulder. Wildwing returned a worried, sympathetic glance. "Yeah, Dive. I won't let them take my little brother from me."
"Weren't you his guardian, Wildwing?"
"We were in the camps prior to the invasion. There was no legal guardian for Nosedive after our parents died."
"Why do they do this right now?"
"That's not all..."
"What?!" Wildwing was a little jumpy as Duke was peering through the papers.
"They want to charge you..."
"Charge me?!"
"Yeah, with reckless endangerment involving Nosedive! About 30 counts of it too!" Wildwing's face was still painted with stun as his enraged hands tore through the sheets, looking at them and shaking his head as if by doing so, the situation would be averted. Nosedive leaned back against the lockers, a little light-headed at the thought of his brother being locked in jail and himself being forced into a foster home.
"He fights Draguanus with us, and that's reckless endangerment?"
"Apparently so."
"Something's going on. Tanya, any ideas?"
"Well, now that I think about it, there should be hope. Phil did originally address Nosedive's underage status in our signed contracts. I have a copy on the Drake One, so we should review that. I don't think Social Services has the right to take Nosedive away or charge you for reckless endangerment.
"After all, the law shouldn't be the same for hockey-playing ducks from another universe." Duke added, trying to comfort Wildwing.
"They can't split the team..." Wildwing groaned, his sad eyes glancing to Nosedive, the two sharing a brief sympathetic glance before following Tanya and the others down to the living quarters. Within a couple minutes, they were all lines up at the super computer, except for Mallory, who was busy overlooking her records in her room. Tanya began to type feverishly, pulling up a database of stored documents. On the screen, the contract for Nosedive came up on the screen, and Tanya looked through the table of contents, a relieved smile crossing her beak when she saw the listing for Nosedive's status as a minor. Skipping to the page, Tanya and the other ducks were taken aback when the entire page turned up blank.
"It's not there! Tanya?" Wildwing looked over to her, leaving the female duck to readjust her glasses and check the diagnosis for the Drake One to look for errors.
"I don't get it. The Drake One is performing fine...it seems as if the clause was completely erased."
"Who would do that...man, somebody's setting me up!" Nosedive bellowed, crossing his arms and making a pouting frown at the screen.
"Who could have accessed that data?" Duke asked Tanya, noticing the small hints of worry in the eyes of the brothers as they exchanged glances.
"Only us. Not even Draguanus should have been able to access this. It's triple-encrypted."
"Then it's either one of us or an error."
"Well, like I said, the Drake One hasn't reported any errors that could possibly affect this information."
"Doesn't Phil have a printed copy?"
"Yeah! Phil-meister's got to have one!" Nosedive seemed to lighten his mood again, his bright smile crossing his beak.
"Well, we'll have to find him again..."
(Next time: Chameleon decides to jump in the action and Phil gets attacked by Fruit of the Loom?! Things get a little exciting and a little crazy next time in Chapter 4, Phil's Underpants Dance!)
Reality Bites
Chapter 3: Practice, Pizza, and Public Servants, Oh My!
The Mighty Ducks were back, already decked out in their hockey gear, playing a mock game for practice. Nosedive, Wildwing, and Tanya were teamed up against the other three. Duke and Nosedive were not too happy having to play on opposite teams, so they playfully became competitive with each other, often fiercely battling over the puck as the others just watched. However, the two were also double-teaming the rest of the team at the same time. Nosedive pretended to miss a swat of his stick, turning his back to Wildwing to impair the mallard's vision, allowing Duke to score a swift goal on the leader. Wildwing put down his stick and folded his arms, getting the hint in the behavior of his teammates.
"You know, I can tell you two are playing us for saps."
"Yeah, knock it off!" Mallory's unnerving voice backed up the white mallard.
"Seriously Wing, you put us apart on purpose."
"Yeah. I thought we were supposed to practice our double-teaming strategies."
"But, you two shouldn't forget how to play solo either."
"Ha, that's too easy!" Nosedive gave a snort, drawing another evil eye from Mallory. He put on his helmet and gave Duke a pat on the shoulder, the two skating to their respective sides.
"Let's do it!"
"I'm not going easy on you now, Kid."
"Don't forget what numero uno ducko has the puck!"
Suddenly, Wildwing's com activated. Jumping up, thinking it was Draguanus, the avian was already in battle gear when he realized that it was just someone at the Pond's front door.
"Draguanus?" the others came running up.
"No, just some kid...with pizza?"
"Yeah, I'm hungry!" Nosedive took off his mask, licking his lips (or the equivalent of them).
"You just ate!" Tanya exclaimed.
"He's growing!" Duke chuckled, getting a wink of approval from Nosedive. The two Flashbeaks started walking towards the door, Nosedive poking his brother in the side.
"Seriously, big bro. You can't walk up to the pizza delivery guy decked out in battle gear."
"It could be a trap." They both caught the sight of the small pizza delivery boy, a young teenager in ripped jeans and a Radiohead T-shirt, struggling to see any sign of life as he pinned his head to the glass doors. Spotting the ducks, he waved, and grew a little startled to see one duck, eyeing him under a mask while the younger one, in causal wear, was rolling his eyes.
"Wing, you're pi-ti-ful! Nosedive saw his brother shrug his shoulders as the mallard answered the door. "Pizza? For me...you shouldn't have!"
"Uhhh, are you a Mr. Duck?"
"No, I'm a Mr. Flashblade, but since I'm a duck, I'll take it anyway!"
"Ok..." the timid boy handed him the pizzas, Nosedive dishing out a twenty-dollar bill and handing it over.
"Could I ask one more thing, Mr. Flashblade."
"Nosedive."
"Nosedive, got it. Is there any way you could autograph my cap?"
"After you tell me who's your favorite." Wildwing moaned as he switched into casual wear, snatching the pizzas from Nosedive, scanning them with the mask suspiciously while waiting for his brother.
"You are!"
"In that case, of course I'll sign it!" Nosedive beamed as the boy handed him a marker. Happily signing his name on the hat, the boy began to twitch from excitement before slipping away, heading back to his car and continuously looking back, enthralled by the experience he just had. Nosedive turned around, snatching the pizzas back and sticking his tongue out playfully.
"The pizzas aren't tainted." Wildwing dryly commented.
"Man, you are such a bummer! Using a legendary mask to scan for the possibility of stale sausage! You got no humor! I think that runs with baldness."
"I'm not bald!"
"Look, just because you got in a fight with a hairdryer and poofed those feathers..."
"It's hair!"
"Ha...feathers."
"Hair!"
"Feathers!"
"Wait..."
"Feathers!"
"Stop, Dive. I gotta go check on the mail. I'll be right back." Wildwing walked over to the deposit box near the glass doors and grabbed a handful of envelopes, returning to his brother's side as they continued back towards the rink.
"Hair."
"Feathers!"
"That's it!" Wildwing started to make as if he was going to sprint after Nosedive, and the duck took off running, slipping out onto the ice, almost flipping head over heels as he made an embarrassingly ungraceful fall to the ground. Miraculously, the pizzas were fine, landing next to him, still stacked on top of each other. Laughter followed through, Nosedive getting up and striking a karate pose as Wildwing came in, ignoring him and casually flipping through the mail.
"Hey, Mallory, you got something here." He waved a white letter, reeking of formality. The female duck grabbed it, studying the envelope for a minute.
"What's the IRS?"
"Oh man!" Nosedive clamored up, leaning over Mallory's shoulders to look, which earned him a brunt elbow in the gut. The teenager, however, didn't cease his attempts to see the letter. "I heard real bad things about them. Phil says they are worse than Draguanus."
"What's it stand for?" Duke asked, unfamiliar with the name.
"Intergalatic Robbing System or something like that." Tanya scoffed at Nosedive's reply, skating next to Mallory.
"It's the Internal Revenue Service." She gave a look towards the teen before returning her eyes to Mallory's curious gaze. "It's co-extensive with the government."
"What do they want with me?"
"We better see." Mallory complied with Tanya and opened the letter. Reading the letter for a moment, her mouth dropped open as she seemed to rescan a single spot in the paper repeatedly.
"TAX EVASION!" she roared, shaking the paper in disbelief. "I swear, if this is any of your work..." she shook her fist at Nosedive and Duke, which both backed up an inch, holding their hands up defensively, their startled faces shaking in denial. She frantically waved the paper, handing it over to Tanya, who skimmed over the sheet quickly.
"This says that there was a report that you are evading paying taxes so now you are going to be audited. That's...well, uh...serious."
"And who said I was evading taxes?!" her infamous growl and evil glare once again stabbing at the two mallards, which were still denying the charges.
"Mal Mal, I swear, I had nothing to do with this one, girly girl!"
"Me neither!"
"I don't believe you..."
Who would have made the report then?" Wildwing pondered, fingering the remaining letters in his restless hands.
"Maybe Draggy is trying a less direct method of attack?" Nosedive's small crack was met with clenched teeth and a deathly look from Mallory. He gave a timid chuckle as he backed up, moving towards Wildwing for protection.
"Well, we do have the records, so we can prove to the auditor that you haven't evaded on taxes." Tanya reassured Mallory, whose tense shoulders sunk a little bit at the comment.
"I can't believe this is happening..." Mallory groaned as she skated away, into the locker room.
"You didn't do this, right bro?" Wildwing's mask-covered gaze was trying to grill the answer out of Nosedive, but the teen only returned a confused look, shrugging his shoulders. None of the team could admit to pulling the stunt.
"Well, I guess practice is over..." Wildwing muttered, as he switched back into hockey gear, he and the team heading to the lockers to switch out of their gear. As Wildwing plopped down the letters on a bench, Grin passed by, casting a quick glance on the letters. His eyes happened to catch that the next letter was specifically for Wildwing and Phil, the subject listed as Nosedive.
"Wildwing, it appears that the next letter is yours."
"Huh?" Wildwing's head popped up from removing his skates, and walked over to the letter, picking it up and surprised to see both his and his manager names listed on it. "What's this? The SS?". Tearing the envelope, he found several papers inside, accompanied by a formal letter, addressing him. Eyeing it suspiciously, the team could see his gaze turn from hesitant curiosity to shock and anger.
"They're...they're..." he stuttered, his beak hanging open as he stared at the letter. Nosedive strolled over, trying to gain a look at what was disturbing his brother so much.
"What is it, Wing? What's it say?"
"They can't do this!"
"Can't do what?!"
"Social Services wants to take you away! To them, you're a minor!"
"He is a minor..." Tanya pointed out, earning stares from the Flashbeaks and Duke.
"That's besides the point. None of us qualify as legal guardians so they are coming to take Nosedive away! They can't do that!"
"Oh man, this bites! I can't believe those humans!" Nosedive grew angry, slightly nervous at the thought of being separated from the team. He had been on Earth for nearly a whole season and only a few months away from his 18th birthday did the government decide to tear him away?
"Don't worry, Kid. We'll settle it." Duke came up with a hand on the teen's shoulder. Wildwing returned a worried, sympathetic glance. "Yeah, Dive. I won't let them take my little brother from me."
"Weren't you his guardian, Wildwing?"
"We were in the camps prior to the invasion. There was no legal guardian for Nosedive after our parents died."
"Why do they do this right now?"
"That's not all..."
"What?!" Wildwing was a little jumpy as Duke was peering through the papers.
"They want to charge you..."
"Charge me?!"
"Yeah, with reckless endangerment involving Nosedive! About 30 counts of it too!" Wildwing's face was still painted with stun as his enraged hands tore through the sheets, looking at them and shaking his head as if by doing so, the situation would be averted. Nosedive leaned back against the lockers, a little light-headed at the thought of his brother being locked in jail and himself being forced into a foster home.
"He fights Draguanus with us, and that's reckless endangerment?"
"Apparently so."
"Something's going on. Tanya, any ideas?"
"Well, now that I think about it, there should be hope. Phil did originally address Nosedive's underage status in our signed contracts. I have a copy on the Drake One, so we should review that. I don't think Social Services has the right to take Nosedive away or charge you for reckless endangerment.
"After all, the law shouldn't be the same for hockey-playing ducks from another universe." Duke added, trying to comfort Wildwing.
"They can't split the team..." Wildwing groaned, his sad eyes glancing to Nosedive, the two sharing a brief sympathetic glance before following Tanya and the others down to the living quarters. Within a couple minutes, they were all lines up at the super computer, except for Mallory, who was busy overlooking her records in her room. Tanya began to type feverishly, pulling up a database of stored documents. On the screen, the contract for Nosedive came up on the screen, and Tanya looked through the table of contents, a relieved smile crossing her beak when she saw the listing for Nosedive's status as a minor. Skipping to the page, Tanya and the other ducks were taken aback when the entire page turned up blank.
"It's not there! Tanya?" Wildwing looked over to her, leaving the female duck to readjust her glasses and check the diagnosis for the Drake One to look for errors.
"I don't get it. The Drake One is performing fine...it seems as if the clause was completely erased."
"Who would do that...man, somebody's setting me up!" Nosedive bellowed, crossing his arms and making a pouting frown at the screen.
"Who could have accessed that data?" Duke asked Tanya, noticing the small hints of worry in the eyes of the brothers as they exchanged glances.
"Only us. Not even Draguanus should have been able to access this. It's triple-encrypted."
"Then it's either one of us or an error."
"Well, like I said, the Drake One hasn't reported any errors that could possibly affect this information."
"Doesn't Phil have a printed copy?"
"Yeah! Phil-meister's got to have one!" Nosedive seemed to lighten his mood again, his bright smile crossing his beak.
"Well, we'll have to find him again..."
(Next time: Chameleon decides to jump in the action and Phil gets attacked by Fruit of the Loom?! Things get a little exciting and a little crazy next time in Chapter 4, Phil's Underpants Dance!)