Reality Bites
Chapter 6: Duke's Headin' Down to Lectic Avenue
It stopped. Nosedive gave a small yelp as the van skidded to a halt in front of a very large and derelict brick building that was assumed to be his final destination. Without a word, the social worker had disappeared from the front seat, leaving the teenager to his thoughts.
"Alright, Dive, don't panic. After all, this isn't the end...maybe it's the beginning of some kind of wild adventure...all of a sudden, the door opened and the police officer faced him, giving him a cruel, malicious look while tapping his nightstick in his hand.
"Oh crap, I'm dead!" Nosedive whined, backing up against the chain link barrier. The cop began to ascend into the hallowed cage of a pen and all of a sudden, his stick slammed against the side of the van, leaving a resonant boom that shook the metallic frame. He pulled away, leaving a splotch on the wall.
"I've been waiting to kill that giant centipede for the whole ride here!" the officer gave the terrorized Nosedive a weak smile before inspecting the residue on his weapon. Jumping back out and motioning for Nosedive, the duck slowly slid out, defensively eyeing the officer who found the teen increasingly amusing.
"Don't worry. I'm not gonna hit you with this." He said, waving it around, whapping the air mindlessly. Nosedive began to wonder if this police officer had ever heard the phrase cross-breeding.
"Alright...I'm ready...take me to my prison."
"Prison...what did I tell ya, it's not prison. Come on. It's right behind this building." Nosedive actually sighed relief as he scanned the behemoth brick edifice in front of him. Its sculpted decorations were enveloped in the form of animals, all casting him sinister glances. The duck never believed he would find human architecture so unnerving, but soon, Nosedive's thoughts had shifted when he was whisked down alongside the building, passing up its brickwork, out of the sight of the monsters. Soon, his eyes fell to the base of the second building, the same that would be his new home. The police officer and social worker stopped, hearing Nosedive begin to give a melodramatic expression of angst.
"Oh the horror! The building...it's hideous, it's atrocious, and they probably never heard of comic books either! It's..." the policeman sighed as he coercively aimed Nosedive's face up from the ground to face the building.
"It's...PHIL'S APARTMENT!?"
"Well, yeah, he's your guardian. What did you think?"
"I thought you were taking me to some group home where I would have the be the devastatingly cute and lovable orphan that gains the favor of all the other children and plans a daring escape to be with his real family again. Then, I could pitch the idea to Disney in a few years when they run out of movie ideas."
"You got way too much time on your hands." The social worker muttered has he opened the doors for the others, entering the lobby and approaching the speaker phone.
Phil Palmfeather was not in the mood for company. The manager had enough of the day's unpleasantries and just wanted to relax. His feet, ever so innocent and pleasant this morning were now crooked and ragged under his experiences with the Fruit of the Loom rejects and having to follow the ducks on yet another one of their crazy pursuits. Yet, the whole experience had influenced him to do something a bit cantankerous and out-of-character.
Stripping down to his underwear, unfettered from the constraints clothes provided, he brandished a smirk to his CD, and deposited it in the player. Soon, the still form was treating to the alluring sound of Billy Joel's "Keepin' the Faith" and he began to slowly sway to the beat. The open window, ready to reveal his near-nakedness to the citizens below only made it more exciting. The chubby man was soon turning in circles, his hands thrusting out in all different directions, moving in tune with the rhythm as he showed off his posterior to the appliances scattered throughout the living room. It was definitely not a show worth paying for.
"Those Hanes rejects may have got the upper hands, but I still got the moves..." Phil's dancing sped up as the chorus overwhelmed his senses, closing his eyes and could feel his feet leaving the ground, his entire concentration on the music rather than photo shoots or saving the Mighty Ducks from doing something perilous as to deplete from his profits. His large, generic-branded underpants was shamelessly flashing its tags to the walls as its bearer continued to wriggle his behind and wave his arms heedlessly. Soon, the tenants below were treated to a sharp thump as the portly manager found himself staring at the ceiling as the song reached his conclusion. Apparently, he tripped over the coffee table flanking his sofa.
"Maybe I should sue myself for hazard pay..." he groaned as a loud buzzing noise made his hands flail in the air, his nerves electrified from the fright.
"What the heck..." he scratched his stomach with a pair of car keys alongside of him and trying to get to his feet, landing with a loud thump on the paper ridden carpet when he found his underpants caught to a mangled leg of the table. Dragging his threadbare body to the speaker next to his front door, Phil rest his hands on the buttons, trying to clear his throat and sinuses in order to sound more professional. Unfortunately, the ducks and his companions heard Phil's attempts and soon felt a small pang of nausea.
"Phil Palmfeather here."
"Uhhh...are you done yet?"
"What?!" Phil grumbled as he frantically reached for his clothes.
"Uh, nothing. We got your adopted son here..."
"Hey Dad!" Nosedive's loud and overbearing voice blasted out of the speaker, Phil taken by surprise, buckled under the noise and slipped to his knees as he was trying to put on his dress pants.
"Booby?"
"Booby?" the social worker looked to the police officer, who shrugged his shoulders in reply.
"Yeah, Phil-meister! They brought me home...how nice of them, huh?" Phil's mind suddenly made the connection that the teenager was going to be stuck with him, in his apartment, shattering any remnants of tranquility. Phil gulped and shuffled his feet to stand upright again before answering, now effortlessly sliding his hands through the sleeves of his suit.
"So, you are...staying here, booby?" Phil hesitantly replied, hoping that what he just heard wasn't true.
"Well, of course, Dad, duh." Looking to the suspicion on the faces of the two public servants, Nosedive whispered to them. "He's a little forgetful...all that scheduling he does...such a cool dad, really."
"Come on, Phil-meister!" Nosedive tried to insert a faint hint of pressing need into his voice, growing uncomfortable with the growing doubt on the faces of the others.
"Uhhh...alright, just a minute." Phil turned off the speaker, giving a loud, audible moan to his audience of contracts and magazines before slamming the button to activate the main doors.
Within a couple of minutes, there was a knock at Phil's door. The manager was already standing there, still shaking his head in denial at having to deal with more turmoil in his current state. Opening the door, his sweaty, battered form greeting the two men, Nosedive sliding around Phil and giving a wave.
"Are you alright?" the social worker saw the pale strings of sweat on the portly man's forehead and grew a little concerned.
"Oh...terrific." Phil responded joylessly.
"Don't worry Dad! We'll get you all rested up!" Nosedive began to pull on Phil, trying to drop the hint to the manager so his company would leave. Thankfully, it seemed to work because the police officer seemed suddenly interested in the sight of a woman down the hall and the social worker rolled his eyes and vanished after him. With the door shut and a careful listen, Nosedive yelled in celebratory fashion.
"FINALLY! Man, I thought those sleazeoids would never leave!" Nosedive gave a triumphant smile, falling back on the couch while Phil gave a small plaint, leaning against the wall.
"What's with you, my main man?" Nosedive's face reappeared over the cushions of the couch, eyeing Phil casually.
"I need...some aspirin and a nap..." Phil muttered as he stumbled off. Chewing down a half dozen pills, the bedroom door shut in the manager, who collapsed into his bed, grabbing an ice park off the nightstand and plopping it over his frayed eyes before drifting to sleep. Nosedive was left to himself, in a slightly stuffy room, the peacefulness of the scene excruciatingly boring to the impatient teenager. Immediately, he decided to buzz the other ducks on his communicator. As expected, the face of his brother immediately appeared in response, his mask removed with brightly illuminated eyes as he saw Nosedive.
"Dive! Where are you?"
"They took me to the most boring place in all the world."
"Where?"
"Phil's apartment."
"What?" a fuddled look hit Wildwing.
"Phil's my guardian, so they brought me here...and it gets worse."
"How much worse?"
"Well, since you are a, quote, 'bad influence', I can't see you or the others...at least until your court appearance is settled. They told me in the van."
"I can't believe this! Humans telling me I can't see my little brother!" Wildwing's provocation with the law only grew at their latest ruling. Soon the background flickered with activity as the teen caught sight of Tanya and Duke, both visually interested in the conversation.
"Looks like I'm stuck here...major bummer, and Phil's drugged out on aspirin."
"Don't worry, Dive. We'll get that contract and get you back here in no time."
"Yeah Kid. We got a little business to take care of, but we'll be in touch." Duke now appeared, the screen split in the three-way conversation.
"Ok, but hurry. Man...I'm smelling something...what is that?!" Nosedive's dramatic flaring of his nostrils drew chuckles from the other ducks.
"Bye, Dive."
"Bye Kid."
"Brings me some comics soon!" Nosedive yelled as the coms turned off. Crossing his arms and staring out at the stale and monotonous room around him, Nosedive tried to find something to spark his interest.
Back in the Pond, all the members of the team were assembling, Mallory a little despondent at first because she wanted to spend more time checking out all her previous purchases, but, she shifted into her militaristic persona before the others noticed. Tanya was still a little shaken up at the idea of breaking into Lectic Land, but Duke had been eagerly looking for a chance to use his golden pick, a present from the Brotherhood for ten years of servitude.
"Look at this beauty!" he beamed, featuring the sparkling tool in his hand, his eyes dancing in awe. The other ducks were less than enthused over the little splinter.
"Ha! What a pathetic present...I'd take the gold watch instead." Mallory scoffed at the pick, arousing a bit of disgust out of Duke.
"Hey, don't disrespect this pick. Trust me, to a thief, it's far more valuable than any stupid puck launcher or giant mechanical vehicle."
"It's a toothpick..."
"Master thief's pick!" Duke contrived a small glance of impatience with his teammates and deciding to terminate the argument, slowly drifted to the Aerowing. Wildwing followed, Grin and the women taking up the rear.
Minutes later, the vacant Anaheim Mall found its trash-ridden serenity violently interposed with the sound of the avians' vehicle, slowly landing on the ground, sending a fit of stray garbage into a dance upon its gusts of wind. Mallory grunted as she viewed the scene, it's simplistic beauty ignored by her teammates, now focused on the task at hand. She couldn't believe that their own leader was going to permit Duke to break into a business and steal a component for the Drake One. Even though they were going to pay for it, it still didn't seem to counter the feeling that what they were doing was wrong. What was even more pathetic to the red head was that Duke was noticeably defensive over his valued pick. Mallory's chair creakingly swung around, her elbow leaning on the cold paneling next to her as the group huddled, Duke slipping on his hood.
"Oh great...look at ninja duck..." Mallory spat under her breath, the others seemed to be lost in the event unfolding. Duke nodded after a couple of indistinguishable phrases from Wildwing and the skinny frame of the thief disappeared into the night, soon his steadfast form was seen, its shadows scaling up the side of the simple brick building.
Tanya looked over the site of her favorite hangout. Its characteristic build of a neon thunderbolt was now dead, the life sapped from the sign that used to illuminate the front in a dazzling display of color. Its window frames, piled up with scores of electronic gadgets was quiet, shrouded in darkness and forced to endure without the watchful eyes of customers. Its door was pad-locked, a chain door in front to doubly secure its entrance from invasion. Reminding signs of the reason behind its untimely closure (ant infestation) littered its unpretentious façade. Yet, all of its simplicity and her eyes couldn't fail to abandon the form of her ally, now on the roof and scanning for a clever entrance. Duke grinned to himself when he saw an exhaust vent that would perfectly accommodate his dimensions. Lowering himself in and articulately sliding through a few feet of neglected air conditioning vents, his eyes were treated to the dim outline of a cluttered array of shelves. In the far corner, a red light glowed alone, notifying the mallard that a security system was in place.
"Seems to be a motion detector..." Duke slid his hand into a small component in his outfit, pulling out a pair of goggles. "Here we are..." sliding them on, he reassumed his investigation of the security measures. He soon let a soft groan.
"Of course...this store's too cheap to provide anything mildly challenging..." Duke put the goggles away, noting only the front door was being scanned for activity. All of a sudden, the gray mallard heard the metallic enclosure around him began to whine and bend. Duke managed to mutter an "uh-oh" before he found himself sprawled on the carpeted floor, scatted scraps of metal surrounding him. Jumping up embarrassedly and dusting himself off, the thief took out his com and contacted the others.
"I'm in."
"Alright...Tanya, you're on."
"Uh, uh...alright, let me think. Do you see any cylindrical objects with a depostitor capassitator?"
"What?"
"Uh...a roundish...thing, with a distinct bluish jewel-like object in the center?"
"Uhhh...let me see...there's so much junk in here...OH NO! HELP!" Duke's image in the com vanished and a dizzying display of the various portions of the roof ensued. The mallard's screeches were audible over the coms and the other ducks worried that he had faced an attacker. Quickly, Duke's embarrassed face reappeared, trying to give them a confident glance as if nothing had happened.
"Duke! What happened?!"
"Nothing to worry about fearless leader...suddenly, the thorax of an ant flashed over the com screen of the ducks, followed by Duke's rampant howl, brushing it away violently, a drop of sweat projecting off his forehead.
"You don't like ants...do you?" Tanya asked, a small hint of a grin forming at the corners of her beak.
"Not really, no..." Duke heard the background snickering of Mallory and groaned in defeat. He was successfully humiliated. Back to work, Duke activated a small light and scanned across the scores of various mechanical pieces. His eyes quickly began blurring over the images, the lack of interest among the monochrome assortment made him shake his head.
"How does Tanya do this?"
"Uh...how do I do what?"
"Oh, geez, you guys are still there?!" Duke mumbled, raising his wrist to reveal the faces of his teammates again.
"Duke, did you find it?" Duke groaned indiscreetly; the obviously common questions of Wildwing reeked of annoyance.
"If I find it, I'll tell you."
"Well, hurry it up then!"
"I got no idea where to begin looking...YIKES!" Duke's beak met the floor once again, his arched form turning its puzzled head to reveal he tripped over a monitor. "Who the hell puts a monitor on the floor!?"
"What?"
"Stop that!" Duke barked at the com, soon jumping to his feet at the site of encroaching little ants. He gave a yelp and nervously peered at the faces of his friends again. "Tell me where to go Tanya! NOW!"
"Will you...uh, quit being so...so, pushy!?"
"My feathers are starting to twitch...I got ants at my feet! Hurry up!"
"Well, uh...let me think..." Duke pranced down the aisle, trying to escape the insects. He wildly lashed his hands against his body, feeling the small pangs of tickling feet among his feathers and skin.
"Try aisle six." Duke's eyes immediately shot a glance upward, looking for a suspended sign. Grunting at the absence of any such guidance, he soon scanned the aisles and saw little, yellowed pieces of notebook paper, taped to the edges of tattered shelves, each with crude numbers scribbled in permanent marker. The thief spotted the six on one of the sheets, and followed its direction.
The ducks heard another yelp as the com gave them another view of the concrete floor. Duke had tripped again, the thief hissing cuss words as he rubbed his sore shoulders. When the mallard jumped up to his feet, now noticing the stray keyboard, he immediately progressed yelling at the com, the other ducks plugging their ears and rewarding the thief with laughter.
"Some master thief! Can't even keep his balance!" Mallory snorted, leaning back and making sure Duke could see and hear every last chuckle.
"Hey! I can't help it if these people can't clean!" Duke tried to defend himself, but already out of pride, his grumbling beak turned to the shelves, his eyes heading along the stygian rows of dull machinery. Soon, a sparkling object had commanded Duke's attention, a sparkling blue orb cast into a cylinder. The thief cheered and held the item up above his head in victory.
"FOUND IT!" he yelled into the coms, the other ducks failing to share his enthusiasm.
"Yeah, alright Duke. Now will you back out here!" Tanya blurted in reply.
"Fine..." the thief groaned, searching for the price tag on the object. Seeing a small sticker on the bottom with a ten on it, Duke took the note from Tanya out of his pocket and along with a ten-dollar bill, he headed back to the counter to leave it for the employees.
"Did you leave the payment?" Wildwing asked, the thief almost reaching the limit of his patience with the importune questions
"Yes, Wildwing! I'm leaving now." Duke ran down a random aisle, his feet watching the ground for wayward computer parts. Unfortunately, he hit the floor again when his head bashed against a low sign warning customers to watch their head. With a small flurry of cuss words, he punched the sign, its wooden frame cracking on impact. Heading to the back door, he took a moment to ceremoniously reveal his golden pick, admiring its beauty for a quick second.
Meanwhile, at the front of the store, the floor behind the counter was coming alive with a bright display of colors. The head slowly materialized, blotted by skittering ants, and casting a shy look up to the alarm. With a gust of breath, he blew the note and bill that Duke had left, directly into the motion detector's range. Soon, ear-shattering alarms came on, the place shrouded in red lights. Duke practically fell over in fright at the commotion, and looked at his com; the other ducks giving him questioning looks.
"What did you do?!"
"Nothing! I don't know what happened!"
"Get out now! Klegghorn's going to throw a fit if he catches us here."
"Alright, I'm picking the lock now..." Duke began fiddling with the lock, finding his concentration hampered by the tension in the air. He succeeded after a few seconds, opening the back door to see the Aerowing hovering over the concrete field, ready for take off. Absent-mindedly heading for escape, Duke tried to grab at the pick and accidentally snapped it in two. Stopping halfway to the vehicle, he gasped at the pick, its broken form taking Duke's mind completely away from his surroundings.
"What's he doing?!" Mallory shouted to the others, bearing her teeth to the windshield, watching the thief in mourning. Wildwing responded by dashing out the side door, running up to Duke, shaking his shoulders.
"Duke, let's go!"
"My lock..." Duke sounded almost childlike, holding up the broken half, his beak drooped in an incredulous look.
"Let's go!!!" Wildwing gave a yank of Duke's uniform, putting the thief in motion. He suddenly pulled back and darted for the back door, amid Wildwing's counter commands.
"I have to get the other half...the Anaheim Police will find it!"
"Damn..." Wildwing grunted, hearing the sounds of sirens on the horizon, on the opposite side of the building. Duke returned quickly, the two diving into the side door, shutting it forcefully as the thrusters blasted the vehicle off into the night.
"My pick...my beautiful pick...ruined!" Duke sat in his seat, continuing to stare at his splinted possession rolling in the folds of his feathered palm. Out of sight, Mallory rolled her eyes while the other ducks were gathered around Tanya, explaining the properties of the device Duke had retrieved. The Aerowing sputtered over a dense forest of residential buildings. At the summit of one of the towers, Nosedive gazed out to see its winged form drifting in the direction of the Pond.
"Man, guys, already having fun without me!" Nosedive grinned to himself. After the Pond engulfed the vehicle, the teen plopped down in front of Phil's computer. He found an interesting site on the internet to spend the time; reading about his life story told in seventeen different versions through fan fiction.
As the Mighty Ducks touched down in their base again, a single form stood on a distant tower. Chameleon was shivering from the cold nightly winds, finding the head appearing at his feet, his sulken form illuminated in rich color as he awaited the next part of the plan.
"How are you enjoying the show?" The head smiled, prompting Chameleon to rub his hands together excitedly.
"Loving it...ju-just-just a little cold." Chameleon responded in a stutter, feeling immediate warmth surrounding him, comfort setting in, simpering in reply.
"There. Better?"
"Yeah, peachy!"
"Good...now we can finally prepare. The ducks are about to start resolving their problems with that thingy that they took. However, I'm about to send them all for a loop..." the two beings began laughing, both anticipating the discovery back at Lectic Land.
Klegghorn chomped down on another sprinkled doughnut as he awaited the search conducted by his lackeys.
"Man, ever since Krispy Kreme opened up that location next to the police station...I've been in heaven!" he savored the taste of his dessert, a tall, lanky office approached him, interrupting his nirvana.
"WHAT IS IT!?" Klegghorn bellowed, pointing his half-consumed doughnut at the man as if a weapon.
"We found something really interesting..." he replied, flashing a small collection of gray duck feathers.
"Ah...so the Mighty Ducks have been robbing the place I see."
"The back door was unlocked. It seemed to have been picked open."
"A-ha...must be the old one with the eyepatch. I heard he was a former thief. But, somehow, I have the suspicion that this is a setup and there will be a stretched out plot that will result in the reinstatement of the duck's spotless records and send them off to their little hockey arena to play another celebratory game."
"Well...does that mean we do nothing?" the officer scratched his head.
"No way. It's always fun to throw a monkey-wrench in their saving-the-world business. Let's bust them!" thrusting the last crumb of the doughnut into the air, Klegghorn jumped in the police car, turning on the siren and heading straight towards the Pond at full speed...
(Funny how the police always discover the wrong evidence, isn't it? What will happen this time? Will it be another "Puck Fiction" or will the ducks save the day and their butts yet again? Well...duh, of course they will, but it has to be an entertaining ride! Next up is "The Klegghorn Zone"!)
Chapter 6: Duke's Headin' Down to Lectic Avenue
It stopped. Nosedive gave a small yelp as the van skidded to a halt in front of a very large and derelict brick building that was assumed to be his final destination. Without a word, the social worker had disappeared from the front seat, leaving the teenager to his thoughts.
"Alright, Dive, don't panic. After all, this isn't the end...maybe it's the beginning of some kind of wild adventure...all of a sudden, the door opened and the police officer faced him, giving him a cruel, malicious look while tapping his nightstick in his hand.
"Oh crap, I'm dead!" Nosedive whined, backing up against the chain link barrier. The cop began to ascend into the hallowed cage of a pen and all of a sudden, his stick slammed against the side of the van, leaving a resonant boom that shook the metallic frame. He pulled away, leaving a splotch on the wall.
"I've been waiting to kill that giant centipede for the whole ride here!" the officer gave the terrorized Nosedive a weak smile before inspecting the residue on his weapon. Jumping back out and motioning for Nosedive, the duck slowly slid out, defensively eyeing the officer who found the teen increasingly amusing.
"Don't worry. I'm not gonna hit you with this." He said, waving it around, whapping the air mindlessly. Nosedive began to wonder if this police officer had ever heard the phrase cross-breeding.
"Alright...I'm ready...take me to my prison."
"Prison...what did I tell ya, it's not prison. Come on. It's right behind this building." Nosedive actually sighed relief as he scanned the behemoth brick edifice in front of him. Its sculpted decorations were enveloped in the form of animals, all casting him sinister glances. The duck never believed he would find human architecture so unnerving, but soon, Nosedive's thoughts had shifted when he was whisked down alongside the building, passing up its brickwork, out of the sight of the monsters. Soon, his eyes fell to the base of the second building, the same that would be his new home. The police officer and social worker stopped, hearing Nosedive begin to give a melodramatic expression of angst.
"Oh the horror! The building...it's hideous, it's atrocious, and they probably never heard of comic books either! It's..." the policeman sighed as he coercively aimed Nosedive's face up from the ground to face the building.
"It's...PHIL'S APARTMENT!?"
"Well, yeah, he's your guardian. What did you think?"
"I thought you were taking me to some group home where I would have the be the devastatingly cute and lovable orphan that gains the favor of all the other children and plans a daring escape to be with his real family again. Then, I could pitch the idea to Disney in a few years when they run out of movie ideas."
"You got way too much time on your hands." The social worker muttered has he opened the doors for the others, entering the lobby and approaching the speaker phone.
Phil Palmfeather was not in the mood for company. The manager had enough of the day's unpleasantries and just wanted to relax. His feet, ever so innocent and pleasant this morning were now crooked and ragged under his experiences with the Fruit of the Loom rejects and having to follow the ducks on yet another one of their crazy pursuits. Yet, the whole experience had influenced him to do something a bit cantankerous and out-of-character.
Stripping down to his underwear, unfettered from the constraints clothes provided, he brandished a smirk to his CD, and deposited it in the player. Soon, the still form was treating to the alluring sound of Billy Joel's "Keepin' the Faith" and he began to slowly sway to the beat. The open window, ready to reveal his near-nakedness to the citizens below only made it more exciting. The chubby man was soon turning in circles, his hands thrusting out in all different directions, moving in tune with the rhythm as he showed off his posterior to the appliances scattered throughout the living room. It was definitely not a show worth paying for.
"Those Hanes rejects may have got the upper hands, but I still got the moves..." Phil's dancing sped up as the chorus overwhelmed his senses, closing his eyes and could feel his feet leaving the ground, his entire concentration on the music rather than photo shoots or saving the Mighty Ducks from doing something perilous as to deplete from his profits. His large, generic-branded underpants was shamelessly flashing its tags to the walls as its bearer continued to wriggle his behind and wave his arms heedlessly. Soon, the tenants below were treated to a sharp thump as the portly manager found himself staring at the ceiling as the song reached his conclusion. Apparently, he tripped over the coffee table flanking his sofa.
"Maybe I should sue myself for hazard pay..." he groaned as a loud buzzing noise made his hands flail in the air, his nerves electrified from the fright.
"What the heck..." he scratched his stomach with a pair of car keys alongside of him and trying to get to his feet, landing with a loud thump on the paper ridden carpet when he found his underpants caught to a mangled leg of the table. Dragging his threadbare body to the speaker next to his front door, Phil rest his hands on the buttons, trying to clear his throat and sinuses in order to sound more professional. Unfortunately, the ducks and his companions heard Phil's attempts and soon felt a small pang of nausea.
"Phil Palmfeather here."
"Uhhh...are you done yet?"
"What?!" Phil grumbled as he frantically reached for his clothes.
"Uh, nothing. We got your adopted son here..."
"Hey Dad!" Nosedive's loud and overbearing voice blasted out of the speaker, Phil taken by surprise, buckled under the noise and slipped to his knees as he was trying to put on his dress pants.
"Booby?"
"Booby?" the social worker looked to the police officer, who shrugged his shoulders in reply.
"Yeah, Phil-meister! They brought me home...how nice of them, huh?" Phil's mind suddenly made the connection that the teenager was going to be stuck with him, in his apartment, shattering any remnants of tranquility. Phil gulped and shuffled his feet to stand upright again before answering, now effortlessly sliding his hands through the sleeves of his suit.
"So, you are...staying here, booby?" Phil hesitantly replied, hoping that what he just heard wasn't true.
"Well, of course, Dad, duh." Looking to the suspicion on the faces of the two public servants, Nosedive whispered to them. "He's a little forgetful...all that scheduling he does...such a cool dad, really."
"Come on, Phil-meister!" Nosedive tried to insert a faint hint of pressing need into his voice, growing uncomfortable with the growing doubt on the faces of the others.
"Uhhh...alright, just a minute." Phil turned off the speaker, giving a loud, audible moan to his audience of contracts and magazines before slamming the button to activate the main doors.
Within a couple of minutes, there was a knock at Phil's door. The manager was already standing there, still shaking his head in denial at having to deal with more turmoil in his current state. Opening the door, his sweaty, battered form greeting the two men, Nosedive sliding around Phil and giving a wave.
"Are you alright?" the social worker saw the pale strings of sweat on the portly man's forehead and grew a little concerned.
"Oh...terrific." Phil responded joylessly.
"Don't worry Dad! We'll get you all rested up!" Nosedive began to pull on Phil, trying to drop the hint to the manager so his company would leave. Thankfully, it seemed to work because the police officer seemed suddenly interested in the sight of a woman down the hall and the social worker rolled his eyes and vanished after him. With the door shut and a careful listen, Nosedive yelled in celebratory fashion.
"FINALLY! Man, I thought those sleazeoids would never leave!" Nosedive gave a triumphant smile, falling back on the couch while Phil gave a small plaint, leaning against the wall.
"What's with you, my main man?" Nosedive's face reappeared over the cushions of the couch, eyeing Phil casually.
"I need...some aspirin and a nap..." Phil muttered as he stumbled off. Chewing down a half dozen pills, the bedroom door shut in the manager, who collapsed into his bed, grabbing an ice park off the nightstand and plopping it over his frayed eyes before drifting to sleep. Nosedive was left to himself, in a slightly stuffy room, the peacefulness of the scene excruciatingly boring to the impatient teenager. Immediately, he decided to buzz the other ducks on his communicator. As expected, the face of his brother immediately appeared in response, his mask removed with brightly illuminated eyes as he saw Nosedive.
"Dive! Where are you?"
"They took me to the most boring place in all the world."
"Where?"
"Phil's apartment."
"What?" a fuddled look hit Wildwing.
"Phil's my guardian, so they brought me here...and it gets worse."
"How much worse?"
"Well, since you are a, quote, 'bad influence', I can't see you or the others...at least until your court appearance is settled. They told me in the van."
"I can't believe this! Humans telling me I can't see my little brother!" Wildwing's provocation with the law only grew at their latest ruling. Soon the background flickered with activity as the teen caught sight of Tanya and Duke, both visually interested in the conversation.
"Looks like I'm stuck here...major bummer, and Phil's drugged out on aspirin."
"Don't worry, Dive. We'll get that contract and get you back here in no time."
"Yeah Kid. We got a little business to take care of, but we'll be in touch." Duke now appeared, the screen split in the three-way conversation.
"Ok, but hurry. Man...I'm smelling something...what is that?!" Nosedive's dramatic flaring of his nostrils drew chuckles from the other ducks.
"Bye, Dive."
"Bye Kid."
"Brings me some comics soon!" Nosedive yelled as the coms turned off. Crossing his arms and staring out at the stale and monotonous room around him, Nosedive tried to find something to spark his interest.
Back in the Pond, all the members of the team were assembling, Mallory a little despondent at first because she wanted to spend more time checking out all her previous purchases, but, she shifted into her militaristic persona before the others noticed. Tanya was still a little shaken up at the idea of breaking into Lectic Land, but Duke had been eagerly looking for a chance to use his golden pick, a present from the Brotherhood for ten years of servitude.
"Look at this beauty!" he beamed, featuring the sparkling tool in his hand, his eyes dancing in awe. The other ducks were less than enthused over the little splinter.
"Ha! What a pathetic present...I'd take the gold watch instead." Mallory scoffed at the pick, arousing a bit of disgust out of Duke.
"Hey, don't disrespect this pick. Trust me, to a thief, it's far more valuable than any stupid puck launcher or giant mechanical vehicle."
"It's a toothpick..."
"Master thief's pick!" Duke contrived a small glance of impatience with his teammates and deciding to terminate the argument, slowly drifted to the Aerowing. Wildwing followed, Grin and the women taking up the rear.
Minutes later, the vacant Anaheim Mall found its trash-ridden serenity violently interposed with the sound of the avians' vehicle, slowly landing on the ground, sending a fit of stray garbage into a dance upon its gusts of wind. Mallory grunted as she viewed the scene, it's simplistic beauty ignored by her teammates, now focused on the task at hand. She couldn't believe that their own leader was going to permit Duke to break into a business and steal a component for the Drake One. Even though they were going to pay for it, it still didn't seem to counter the feeling that what they were doing was wrong. What was even more pathetic to the red head was that Duke was noticeably defensive over his valued pick. Mallory's chair creakingly swung around, her elbow leaning on the cold paneling next to her as the group huddled, Duke slipping on his hood.
"Oh great...look at ninja duck..." Mallory spat under her breath, the others seemed to be lost in the event unfolding. Duke nodded after a couple of indistinguishable phrases from Wildwing and the skinny frame of the thief disappeared into the night, soon his steadfast form was seen, its shadows scaling up the side of the simple brick building.
Tanya looked over the site of her favorite hangout. Its characteristic build of a neon thunderbolt was now dead, the life sapped from the sign that used to illuminate the front in a dazzling display of color. Its window frames, piled up with scores of electronic gadgets was quiet, shrouded in darkness and forced to endure without the watchful eyes of customers. Its door was pad-locked, a chain door in front to doubly secure its entrance from invasion. Reminding signs of the reason behind its untimely closure (ant infestation) littered its unpretentious façade. Yet, all of its simplicity and her eyes couldn't fail to abandon the form of her ally, now on the roof and scanning for a clever entrance. Duke grinned to himself when he saw an exhaust vent that would perfectly accommodate his dimensions. Lowering himself in and articulately sliding through a few feet of neglected air conditioning vents, his eyes were treated to the dim outline of a cluttered array of shelves. In the far corner, a red light glowed alone, notifying the mallard that a security system was in place.
"Seems to be a motion detector..." Duke slid his hand into a small component in his outfit, pulling out a pair of goggles. "Here we are..." sliding them on, he reassumed his investigation of the security measures. He soon let a soft groan.
"Of course...this store's too cheap to provide anything mildly challenging..." Duke put the goggles away, noting only the front door was being scanned for activity. All of a sudden, the gray mallard heard the metallic enclosure around him began to whine and bend. Duke managed to mutter an "uh-oh" before he found himself sprawled on the carpeted floor, scatted scraps of metal surrounding him. Jumping up embarrassedly and dusting himself off, the thief took out his com and contacted the others.
"I'm in."
"Alright...Tanya, you're on."
"Uh, uh...alright, let me think. Do you see any cylindrical objects with a depostitor capassitator?"
"What?"
"Uh...a roundish...thing, with a distinct bluish jewel-like object in the center?"
"Uhhh...let me see...there's so much junk in here...OH NO! HELP!" Duke's image in the com vanished and a dizzying display of the various portions of the roof ensued. The mallard's screeches were audible over the coms and the other ducks worried that he had faced an attacker. Quickly, Duke's embarrassed face reappeared, trying to give them a confident glance as if nothing had happened.
"Duke! What happened?!"
"Nothing to worry about fearless leader...suddenly, the thorax of an ant flashed over the com screen of the ducks, followed by Duke's rampant howl, brushing it away violently, a drop of sweat projecting off his forehead.
"You don't like ants...do you?" Tanya asked, a small hint of a grin forming at the corners of her beak.
"Not really, no..." Duke heard the background snickering of Mallory and groaned in defeat. He was successfully humiliated. Back to work, Duke activated a small light and scanned across the scores of various mechanical pieces. His eyes quickly began blurring over the images, the lack of interest among the monochrome assortment made him shake his head.
"How does Tanya do this?"
"Uh...how do I do what?"
"Oh, geez, you guys are still there?!" Duke mumbled, raising his wrist to reveal the faces of his teammates again.
"Duke, did you find it?" Duke groaned indiscreetly; the obviously common questions of Wildwing reeked of annoyance.
"If I find it, I'll tell you."
"Well, hurry it up then!"
"I got no idea where to begin looking...YIKES!" Duke's beak met the floor once again, his arched form turning its puzzled head to reveal he tripped over a monitor. "Who the hell puts a monitor on the floor!?"
"What?"
"Stop that!" Duke barked at the com, soon jumping to his feet at the site of encroaching little ants. He gave a yelp and nervously peered at the faces of his friends again. "Tell me where to go Tanya! NOW!"
"Will you...uh, quit being so...so, pushy!?"
"My feathers are starting to twitch...I got ants at my feet! Hurry up!"
"Well, uh...let me think..." Duke pranced down the aisle, trying to escape the insects. He wildly lashed his hands against his body, feeling the small pangs of tickling feet among his feathers and skin.
"Try aisle six." Duke's eyes immediately shot a glance upward, looking for a suspended sign. Grunting at the absence of any such guidance, he soon scanned the aisles and saw little, yellowed pieces of notebook paper, taped to the edges of tattered shelves, each with crude numbers scribbled in permanent marker. The thief spotted the six on one of the sheets, and followed its direction.
The ducks heard another yelp as the com gave them another view of the concrete floor. Duke had tripped again, the thief hissing cuss words as he rubbed his sore shoulders. When the mallard jumped up to his feet, now noticing the stray keyboard, he immediately progressed yelling at the com, the other ducks plugging their ears and rewarding the thief with laughter.
"Some master thief! Can't even keep his balance!" Mallory snorted, leaning back and making sure Duke could see and hear every last chuckle.
"Hey! I can't help it if these people can't clean!" Duke tried to defend himself, but already out of pride, his grumbling beak turned to the shelves, his eyes heading along the stygian rows of dull machinery. Soon, a sparkling object had commanded Duke's attention, a sparkling blue orb cast into a cylinder. The thief cheered and held the item up above his head in victory.
"FOUND IT!" he yelled into the coms, the other ducks failing to share his enthusiasm.
"Yeah, alright Duke. Now will you back out here!" Tanya blurted in reply.
"Fine..." the thief groaned, searching for the price tag on the object. Seeing a small sticker on the bottom with a ten on it, Duke took the note from Tanya out of his pocket and along with a ten-dollar bill, he headed back to the counter to leave it for the employees.
"Did you leave the payment?" Wildwing asked, the thief almost reaching the limit of his patience with the importune questions
"Yes, Wildwing! I'm leaving now." Duke ran down a random aisle, his feet watching the ground for wayward computer parts. Unfortunately, he hit the floor again when his head bashed against a low sign warning customers to watch their head. With a small flurry of cuss words, he punched the sign, its wooden frame cracking on impact. Heading to the back door, he took a moment to ceremoniously reveal his golden pick, admiring its beauty for a quick second.
Meanwhile, at the front of the store, the floor behind the counter was coming alive with a bright display of colors. The head slowly materialized, blotted by skittering ants, and casting a shy look up to the alarm. With a gust of breath, he blew the note and bill that Duke had left, directly into the motion detector's range. Soon, ear-shattering alarms came on, the place shrouded in red lights. Duke practically fell over in fright at the commotion, and looked at his com; the other ducks giving him questioning looks.
"What did you do?!"
"Nothing! I don't know what happened!"
"Get out now! Klegghorn's going to throw a fit if he catches us here."
"Alright, I'm picking the lock now..." Duke began fiddling with the lock, finding his concentration hampered by the tension in the air. He succeeded after a few seconds, opening the back door to see the Aerowing hovering over the concrete field, ready for take off. Absent-mindedly heading for escape, Duke tried to grab at the pick and accidentally snapped it in two. Stopping halfway to the vehicle, he gasped at the pick, its broken form taking Duke's mind completely away from his surroundings.
"What's he doing?!" Mallory shouted to the others, bearing her teeth to the windshield, watching the thief in mourning. Wildwing responded by dashing out the side door, running up to Duke, shaking his shoulders.
"Duke, let's go!"
"My lock..." Duke sounded almost childlike, holding up the broken half, his beak drooped in an incredulous look.
"Let's go!!!" Wildwing gave a yank of Duke's uniform, putting the thief in motion. He suddenly pulled back and darted for the back door, amid Wildwing's counter commands.
"I have to get the other half...the Anaheim Police will find it!"
"Damn..." Wildwing grunted, hearing the sounds of sirens on the horizon, on the opposite side of the building. Duke returned quickly, the two diving into the side door, shutting it forcefully as the thrusters blasted the vehicle off into the night.
"My pick...my beautiful pick...ruined!" Duke sat in his seat, continuing to stare at his splinted possession rolling in the folds of his feathered palm. Out of sight, Mallory rolled her eyes while the other ducks were gathered around Tanya, explaining the properties of the device Duke had retrieved. The Aerowing sputtered over a dense forest of residential buildings. At the summit of one of the towers, Nosedive gazed out to see its winged form drifting in the direction of the Pond.
"Man, guys, already having fun without me!" Nosedive grinned to himself. After the Pond engulfed the vehicle, the teen plopped down in front of Phil's computer. He found an interesting site on the internet to spend the time; reading about his life story told in seventeen different versions through fan fiction.
As the Mighty Ducks touched down in their base again, a single form stood on a distant tower. Chameleon was shivering from the cold nightly winds, finding the head appearing at his feet, his sulken form illuminated in rich color as he awaited the next part of the plan.
"How are you enjoying the show?" The head smiled, prompting Chameleon to rub his hands together excitedly.
"Loving it...ju-just-just a little cold." Chameleon responded in a stutter, feeling immediate warmth surrounding him, comfort setting in, simpering in reply.
"There. Better?"
"Yeah, peachy!"
"Good...now we can finally prepare. The ducks are about to start resolving their problems with that thingy that they took. However, I'm about to send them all for a loop..." the two beings began laughing, both anticipating the discovery back at Lectic Land.
Klegghorn chomped down on another sprinkled doughnut as he awaited the search conducted by his lackeys.
"Man, ever since Krispy Kreme opened up that location next to the police station...I've been in heaven!" he savored the taste of his dessert, a tall, lanky office approached him, interrupting his nirvana.
"WHAT IS IT!?" Klegghorn bellowed, pointing his half-consumed doughnut at the man as if a weapon.
"We found something really interesting..." he replied, flashing a small collection of gray duck feathers.
"Ah...so the Mighty Ducks have been robbing the place I see."
"The back door was unlocked. It seemed to have been picked open."
"A-ha...must be the old one with the eyepatch. I heard he was a former thief. But, somehow, I have the suspicion that this is a setup and there will be a stretched out plot that will result in the reinstatement of the duck's spotless records and send them off to their little hockey arena to play another celebratory game."
"Well...does that mean we do nothing?" the officer scratched his head.
"No way. It's always fun to throw a monkey-wrench in their saving-the-world business. Let's bust them!" thrusting the last crumb of the doughnut into the air, Klegghorn jumped in the police car, turning on the siren and heading straight towards the Pond at full speed...
(Funny how the police always discover the wrong evidence, isn't it? What will happen this time? Will it be another "Puck Fiction" or will the ducks save the day and their butts yet again? Well...duh, of course they will, but it has to be an entertaining ride! Next up is "The Klegghorn Zone"!)