(EDITOR: Last chapter, everyone...and it's the longest too. I'll type more at the end of this story, but I'll get right into it. Oh, and I warn you that this chapter does earn a PG rating. There are a couple subtle cases of toilet humor and sexual references. Some may even be hard to catch. There is nothing really crude in here, and I never go into detail on any of the PG material. I hope you enjoy this and please, give me a review when you're done!)
Reality Bites
Chapter 10: Is That a Banana or Are Your Briefs Happy to See Me?
Chameleon didn't say anything directly to the ducks when he saw them evacuating the base. Even though they were given the grace period of a mere hour to compile all their belongings, the end result was equally as pungent. He had succeeded where the other saurians had failed, and the most surprising aspect of the whole scheme was that it was done in frivolous taste. Now, assuming the disguise of the charming Ms. Studmuffin and adopting the company of the lubricious Mr. Collier, he was inwardly cheering as the Migrator and Aerowing pulled out, rendezvousing in the vacant parking lot. Their temporarily appointed leader, Duke, soon approached the couple, eyeing Chameleon with a suspicious, yet anticipatory glance, as he solidified the deal by shaking hands with the manager. Soon, the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim were out of sight, their vehicles embellished in a melody of supportive car horns by the unnerved citizens. In the form of Ms. Studmuffin, Chameleon had already been the victim of many aside glares by the local denizens.
"Well, let's head inside and I'll show you around..." Mr. Collier smiled, discreetly brushing his offering sleeve against a rounded hip has he raised it into view. Chameleon knew the lewd intentions of his newly acquired ally and even though severely discomforted with the thought of having him as company, accepted the invitation and headed inside the stadium. However, the saurian, frayed with the man's refusal to leave, decided to cause a little discomfort in his nerves. Upon reaching the lobby, the man had shyly seceded towards the lavatory after an intense, flirtatious brush with the woman's hips as Chameleon made his grand entrance. The saurian, relieved for a few moments of peace from the human, was soon in solitary company of his vibrant friend, oddly muted even in absence of intense light. The concern was momentarily disregarded.
"You see that guy? So crude...yet so amusing!"
"Watch it Greeny. I think he's expecting a little payback tonight!"
"I'll give him a little payback alright..." an affirmative nod and pat rewarded the disclosed weapon hidden among the folds of his dress.
"Well, don't you want to have a little fun with him? It's not everyday you can make a human squeal like a pig!"
"Already messin' with him. He thinks he's getting his hands on me, there's a serious butt-kicking coming his way!" soon his deviousness was cut short by the sudden enervation of his friend's complexion. To accompany it, the head started to dissolve its smile and looked almost ill.
"What's going on? Are you sick?"
"No, it's worse..."
"What?!"
"Greeny...I'm dying away."
"NO!"
"Yes, if you haven't noticed, I've been slowly fading away over the last day or so."
"But why?!"
"Remember that you drank the potion, right?"
"Yeah...and?"
"Well, once it courses through your body and you...well, you know, get rid of it, it sort of subtracts from my potency as well. By my calculations, next time you take a trip to the restroom, that'll be all for me."
"That can't be! I haven't used the lavatory once this entire story!"
"Well, it's not in writing, but its assumed by the readers that you have anyway...so, I must...(cough) say farewell soon!" Chameleon soon dropped to his knees, the slender form of his womanly ruse bending over and lamenting at the sight of the fallen friend with a sudden cry to the heavens in painfully sullen angst. Mr. Collier, just exiting the room with a relieved sigh and mindfully zipping up his pants, was baffled by the sudden outcry by the woman and went to consol her.
"Hey, what's..."
"AAAAH!" shrieking, Ms. Studmuffin quickly shuffled to her feet, a radiant smile falsely plastered on her outstretched mouth. "What are you doing here?!"
"I heard you scream, baby. Tell me, what's bothering my little studmuffin?" Chameleon shivered and swallowed down the urges to knock the tawdry man flat on his chubby face.
"Oh nothing...Mr. Collier..." a slight acidity in her tone failed to belay the man's wanton advances.
"You want me to give you a massage?"
"No!"
"Really? Why not?"
"Uhhh...I have an allergic reaction?"
"To massages?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"My poor lovemuffin...never to feel the fulfilling hands of another man..." Chameleon caught his fist just in time from colliding with Mr. Collier's face. Stuffing down his pride, the saurian started hissing low under the man's pitying words.
"I'll give you a message..." the woman muttered venomously deep, unintentionally audible to the man.
"Really?!"
"Huh, what?" Eyebrows raised in alarm.
"You said you'd give me a massage!"
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did!"
"Ugh...tonight..." Chameleon wasn't thinking clearly but seeing the elated man overbearingly perky indicated that he just said something he'd regret later on. "Let's go see the living quarters..."
"Huh?"
"For the ducks!"
"They live here?" an impatient roll of the eyes were the only reply as the curved form of Ms. Studmuffin graciously swayed her hips, heading towards the nearest locker room to find the entrance she was seeking. Mr. Collier, dabbing a bit of drool out of his mouth with a tucked handkerchief, soon lolled behind, gazing desirably at the vixen.
"I didn't know Chameleon was into men..." Nosedive chuckled as he followed the saurian's quest for an entrance. He watched and listened to the entire exchance through the security cameras and was curious to was Chameleon seemed to be talking at the floor a moment ago. Yet, the duck was forced to revive his attentiveness when he saw the dastardly woman barging in the ducks' locker room and eyeing it for some kind of door or concealed pathway. "I guess I should let them find the entrance."
"How in the hell do we get down there?!" Ms. Studmuffin growled, her petite nose wrinkling with the scowl implanted on her delicate features. Mr. Collier, trying to quell the aggravation, began an exaggerated search around the room. Announcing every find from a cobweb (imagine Nosedive's surprise with a clean freak for a brother) to an open locker with a pair of hockey gloves, the man was only getting on the nerves of the disguised saurian.
"You're not helping..."
"Maybe there's a password we can say to activate the doors!" Mr. Collier leaped and bounded over to the woman's slumping side, and bellowed 'open sesame' to the giant Mighty Ducks logo painted on the wall. Like clockwork, it folded open with the sound of rotating gears. Ms. Studmuffin's eyes lit slightly, her disposition lifting with the revelation. Seeing the path downstairs was barely lit, the man shamelessly flaunted himself as a true gentleman and took the lead.
"Ah...the gentleman...let's see how he likes this!" Nosedive chortled, his finger sliding along the grooves of a rounded button, and pushing it.
"AAAH! HELP!" Mr. Collier sloppily crumbled to the floor and began cringing, commencing to brush his sleeves off savagely. Ms. Studmuffin raised an unimpressed eyebrow, her visage slowly raising to the sight of a small, rubber spider, dangling mockingly from the roof of the arched entrance.
"Geez, this is some defense system the ducks here. It actually works on idiots..." the saurian thought to himself, slowly pacing around the thrashing human, grabbing the spider with an extenuating fist and dangling it over the male's head.
"It's rubber." It took a few minutes to compute in Mr. Collier's mind that he had successfully humiliated himself. Leaping to his feet and pulling his composure together, he gave a belittled laugh.
"I was joking, ha ha ha! Didn't you think my reaction was funny?"
"Uh...let me think...NO! Let me take the lead..." Ms. Studmuffin extended a silky leg down the first stair, sauntering her way through the descending hallway.
"It's not that easy, girly girl!" Another button was wily fondled with a teasing finger before activating the next trap.
An audible click was heard to both beings in the hall, all of a sudden, their traction lost as they both slid down the incline, devoid of the stairs present a second ago. Screaming ensued, yet the uncouth man, descending more speedily, attempted to make another dashing rescue and adjusted himself to where he would catch Ms. Studmuffin at the bottom. The plan conducted itself flawlessly at first. Mr. Collier reached the bottom, cuffed against the wall brusquely as he reached out for Ms. Studmuffin, approaching hastily. However, his hopeful opportunity at a close, "accidental" embrace was defeated when an extended leg of the woman crunched itself sickeningly in between the man's legs, his face growing red with flushed pain. Reeling over, the woman brushed her attire off and watched Mr. Collier groaning as he writhed in pain along the floor, holding his crotch tightly. Chameleon had an inward smile and highly amused, decided to issue an impassive apology.
"Oh, sorry about that. How does it feel?" Biting back laughter, the saurian could hardly constrain his delight.
"Oooooowwwww..." in a soprano tone, the man gracelessly whimpered like a child.
Nosedive shuddered at the impact, but a part of him sickeningly enjoyed itself as he witnessed the man endearing the pain. The teen leaned back with a valiant grin, already prepared for his next attack. This time turning a lever, he sat back as the reverberation of an unwinding door startled both cohorts. All of a sudden, the woman was assaulted by a precipitating bag of flour, a fugacious cloud resulting from the impact, the violent coughing of Ms. Studmuffin concealed in the fog. Mr. Collier garnished enough energy to get back to his feet and immediately limped towards the void to help his accomplice.
"Ah, the gentleman going to help...well see about that..." Nosedive flicked enough dial nimbly and sat back as the sound of another sack of flour brought the man to his knees. For a couple of minutes, a white powder obstructed the teen's view, but upon clearing, he could see both made it to their feet, both vilifying the Mighty Ducks and their traps. Nosedive watched all with an amused smirk, and pushed another button in response, another chorus or screams ensuing when a third bag of flour plummeted, knocking both characters to the ground with pained moaning.
"Alright, that's it!" Chameleon reached the bounds of his patience and out of character, sprung to life, a flashing hand through his raiment conceived a laser pistol. A couple of shots later, the front door's security panel was sundered and the door complied with the puissance and hissed open.
"What was that?!"
"What?!" Ms. Studmuffin's face was tainted with perniciousness, past the point of tolerance with the man at her feet.
"You just blasted the door open like that! Where did you get that weapon?!"
"It's for my protection..." with a huff, the woman authoritatively marched in the headquarters, immediately threatening the empty confines with the pistol, meticulously scanning for the source of her mortification. Unbeknownst to the woman, up in the plated roofs, tucked in between supporting trusses in the darkness, was the sly young mallard, slowly awaiting his time to strike. Right now, he'd let the two have their solitude, watching the cameras through his rewired com and laying dormant for the time being.
"Ms. Studmuffin?" the once dejecting words of Mr. Collier were now restrained, held back in a respectful tone.
"I think that's it as far as defenses..." the laser pistol was soon tucked away under the garment, earning a gratifying sigh from the man. He found the undisturbed furniture and the grand television set and immediately ramified from his company to seek refuge on the couch. Ms. Studmuffin brushed off the flour and sneezed violently as she stumbled back into a chair, investigating her soiled clothes.
"Why don't you take a shower or something?" Mr. Collier replied sleepily. Apparently, he paid no heed to the fact he was encased with the white dust himself.
"Yeah, sure...whatever..." Ms. Studmuffin slowly rose to her feet and suspiciously eyed her surroundings. Austere metal paneling consisted of the walls, all unified in a glum scene. Only the decorations of the ducks, now understandably rescinded, gave the hollowed rooms any sense of identity. However, even though the major areas of socialization were stripped, Ms. Studmuffin soon discovered that the bedrooms didn't seem to be tampered with. Walking in on the first door, a pillar of light illuminated the trashed room of Nosedive. The teenager groaned, wishing that it wasn't his bedroom that had to be right off the living room. What made it worse was that there was not yet a camera in the bedroom, so he had to slowly skitter down the lengths of the trusses, guided by the sound of shuffling possessions. Slightly setting a ceiling panel ajar in an unvarnished corner of the room, his shining pupils flashed actively with the impending need to defend his territory from the saurian. For now, not to ruin the plan, the avian stayed concealed, but emitted a slight gurgling when Ms. Studmuffin landed on the bed, lounging back and looking up at the ceiling with vacant eyes. To the duck's surprise, the saurian soon started to talk to himself again in the stygian dimness.
"Well, I'm in, and believe me, it was hell to get in here!"
"I watched it all Greeny...it was kind of funny from my standpoint..." the vortex of colors shone down on the bed, slightly mitigated from past encounters, but still vibrant enough to allow the saurian an unobstructed view of the room around him. Torpid eyes gazed about, quickly resuming his mutual gaze with his companion above on the ceiling, the harrowed face of the woman clearing a bit as the sagging eyelids lolled her into the precursors of slumber.
"Wasn't it great when I nailed that guy right in the family jewels?!"
"I call it poetic justice."
"So much for thinking he'd get a piece of Ms. Desiree Studmuffin!"
"Are you sure you're not overplaying the role a bit? Imagine how your saurian allies would think when they find out you've been pretending to be a woman...and enjoying it so much?"
"Hey, I'm working my magic here! I'm not overplaying it at all. Not even the chief of police thought I wasn't really a human when they took the ducks' leader away! Now, the rest of the duckies are on the streets and I actually own the Pond!" An unnoticed feathered fist contracted in the darkness, but restrained itself.
"So, what are you going to do with it?"
"I dunno. Just imagine how many silver and gold stars Draguanus would give me on the chart at home if I managed to blow the place up!" (EDITOR: remember the episode "Puck Fiction")
"Well, you'd be his favorite for sure."
"He'd finally stop treating me like a loser and start giving Siege all the cleaning duties!"
"Have you thought about telling them?"
"Not yet. After all, Siege and Wraith would come in, ruin everything, and I'd get all the blame. Besides, the boss is still too deep in the dumps to really notice right now." An extended yawn soon escaped the woman's mouth, succeeded by an unladylike smacking of the lips.
"Tired?"
"A bit...I haven't slept since this whole plot started."
"Yeah, take a break. You earned it."
"Cool. I think I'll go to sleep now..." a loud yawn and a groggy shuffling of the limbs soon transformed into stentorian snoring, resonating from the restful form.
The duck groaned at the turn of events, but he couldn't help wonder why Chameleon was talking to himself. He never detected the dazzling lights or any hint of presence by a second being until miraculously, the flour on the form of the woman seemed to divest itself. Soon, the sleeping human was flawlessly restored to an elegant trig, while spying eyes glimmered with fright, as if they had seen a ghost. Nosedive tried to rationalize, but since Chameleon referred to all his known accomplices in the third person, the teen duck knew that none of them likely had any part in this visual trick.
"Did I just see what I think I saw? Oh man, Wildwing always warned me about those triple cheese and beef tacos..." shaking his head, Nosedive soon replaced the panel and headed back up into the dark enclosure, concealing himself deep within the darkness to polish up some scheming details...
Ms. Studmuffin snapped wide awake, staring around at the unfamiliar surroundings and immediately leaping to attention, striking a karate pose to hopefully ward off any opposing perpetrators. However, once the remembrance of falling asleep in the Mighty Ducks headquarters finally vivified itself, the furtive saurian leaped back to the ground, squinting to harness any light of the minute quality available. The head was gone, and Chameleon had no idea where his friend had disappeared to. The thought dwindled against the sudden urge to use the lavatory. Prying eyes, resuming post in the corner, groaned when he followed his foe's dawdling, directly into his personal restroom. The door had shut in and soon Chameleon was in position to begin his business when his flashy companion materialized among the wall.
"Hey, give me some privacy here! I'll be done in a minute!"
"Sorry, Greeny, but I should at least say goodbye."
"Now?!" Chameleon shifted his feet erratically, trying to withhold his impending need.
"I won't stop you from going, and trust me, it'll be very uncomfortable if you do hold it, so I want to wish you well."
"You know, this is making it really hard for me..." Chameleon grumbled, using every ounce of his will to staunch the flow. Never could he have expected that doing something so considerately quotidian would actually result in the loss of a now valued friend.
"Isn't there a way to get you back?"
"As far as I know, I'm one of a kind. It was nice while it lasted though."
"You can't do this to me! We're a team!" Nosedive couldn't help snickering at that line, a golden strand of hair folded back to let an ear compress itself to the door to allow his listening. He was still unable to hear the amorphous head, so it sounded as if Chameleon was talking to himself...and his dross.
"Don't worry about me Greeny. You'll carry though. Besides, you continued this plan free of my interference for quite a while now."
"But you started it and you can't help me finish it?" On the opposite side of the room, Mr. Collier was hunched over, leaning against the other door to hear the abstruse, one-sided conversation. He continued to ponder how and when did Ms. Studmuffin ever adopt such garrulousness. That didn't mean it wasn't amusing however.
"She may have quirks, but she is still one heck of a woman!" he whispered over his desiring breathes, hoping that she would soon aggress the lavatory and help to alleviate some of the tension, physical and otherwise, that he was currently feeling.
Chameleon had rarely felt so encumbered. He wanted to keep his jocular ally around, but he knew that fighting Mother Nature would only induce further wrath and discomfort. He decided to bid a sad farewell before completing his business, a small caterwaul escaping when the last remnants of his friend died out, the colors fading into the metallic hues of the wall, painting the room in a gloomy haze of gelidness. Suddenly, the saurian felt the need to escape and quickly washing his hands and wiping away the mistiness niggling at the bottom of the guise's mascara-branded eyelids, the curvaceous woman emerged from the restroom to nearly fall face first over the hunched form of Mr. Callous, now shooting a shy, puckish glance. A dark, contemptuous look crossed the face of the woman, jittering fingers itched with his incompetence.
"Sorry, I just wanted to see how you were doing?" almost questioning himself, Mr. Collier quickly jumped up, his hands together in a pleading look, almost as puerile as his established infatuation.
"Go...away..."
"Well, I'd like to, and believe me I would, but I think it wouldn't be very gentleman-like to leave you in this desolate place all by yourself. After all, who knows what other traps could place you in danger, my little creampuff."
"Aren't you married or something?" Ms. Studmuffin, in a state of deep vexation, crossed her arms and asked interrogatively.
"Oh...yeah, ha ha ha! But the old battle-axe knows that I'm always trying to consider what's best for my fellow employees." Mr. Collier placed his clammy hands on Ms. Studmuffin's milky back and gently escorted her to the kitchen table. Nosedive, watching from out of view, was alarmed to see how reckless Mr. Collier had been with his home. He seemed to have full run of the television and not only had he managed to trash the living room, but he made the premature assumption that he could freely snatch any of the remaining foodstuffs that he wanted. A true loafer at heart.
"No wonder Chameleon doesn't see anything in him..."
In the kitchen, Ms. Studmuffin relinquished control over her stature, but still complied with the man's wishes and took a seat, even if the company wasn't desirable. He seemed to have been toiling with the appliances and the aroma of something surprisingly mouthwatering had perked up the woman's petite nose. Within a few seconds, a timer, placed at the forefront of the counter rang intently as the man soon turned from another piece of his surprise and contrived a smile to Ms. Studmuffin.
"I made us dinner!" he winked, soon resuming work on the food before him. After a few more assorted sounds of various smashing fists and other utensils being clanked around, he approached the stove. Nosedive grinned, now back at the security consol, monitoring the scene.
"Maybe someone should tell him the stove handle gets a bit hot..."
"AAAAAAH! IT BURNS!"
"Or maybe not." Fiddling with a small, handheld consol in his plumed hand, he started recalling the instructions Tanya gave him and decided to give it a test run.
"Let's see what happens when technology goes bad!"
Mr. Collier held his hand, furrowed with red marks from the burn. He waved it around painfully when he was soon besieged from above by an opening cabinet, spilling pots and pans over him. Ms. Studmuffin merely hoisted an eyebrow in interest. The man soon escaped the mess, and approached the sink to cool his injury, but to his dismay, the faucet wouldn't turn on. Instead, the sprayer attachment went off, blasting him in the chest with frigid water, painful screeching emitted in reply. Soon, to complement his harrowing, the refrigerator doors miraculously swung open, smacking the man in the back of the cranium and the spine, sending him reeling forward as another cabinet door opened in tune to backhand the man's rotund cheeks, rippling in reply as he collapsed to the ground, cowering at the malicious appliances surrounding him. Suddenly, the kitchen didn't seem very inviting anymore. Yet, all the woman could do was laugh, her silky complexion challenged with tears as she howled at the unfolding pandemonium. Even though the impeccable sequence of attacks was very suspicious, it was lost in her overshadowing mirth.
"Oh, that was great! I never seen anything so funny in my life!" Ms. Studmuffin was on the verge of tears, each sensuous laugh cutting deeper into the man's dwindling pride. Yet, her apparent immunity to the misfortune was cut short when the chair suddenly slid back, sending the woman into the floor.
Nosedive sat back, struggling to suppress all his enjoyment, an episodic array of snorting giggles escaping as he watched the pair recover through his moistening eyes. He never knew the hilarious advantages that an automated kitchen imposed and now, getting the opportunity to test it out first hand, the results couldn't have been better.
"I should market this and sell it to people as a home defense system!" Nosedive quipped as another button was pressed, yet another rubber spider bounding from the kitchen ceiling, landing squarely of Mr. Collier's nose and requesting all his attention. He whimpered, bellowed, and screamed tightly as Ms. Studmuffin briskly nicked it off with the sharp edge of one of her high heels.
"So much for dinner, huh?"
"How about take out?"
A few minutes later, after ordering for Chinese food, a bored woman and her managed boss sat at the table. In just a few short hours, the boss had become little more than a subservient pet, feed into by his perpetuating wanton wishes. He figured that from what he wouldn't get from his marriage, he could certainly retrieve from a lustrous affair on the side. The only real defeating point was that the woman had so far refuted every advance and now seemed increasingly distant. For someone so youthful and flirtatious, the woman had currently appeared to be someone completely different. Now, where a perfectly sculpted face once sat, one riddled with stress and somnolence acted as a replacement. Her fingers was now tortuous, her groomed hair was now abound in loose strands and even the jewelry seemed to have lost its luster. She seemed to have misplaced much of her infectious appeal in just a day's time. Here, stuck in the confines of the ducks' kitchen, waiting on food, was a moocher of a employer, amid the dulled and daunted complexion of his fantasy, was still dreaming delusions of grandeur in his fictitious relationship built on savage, compulsive needs. Yet, when visions cleared and assumed reality, it was only them and a fruit basket, Ms. Studmuffin absent-mindedly poking a banana among the assorted items. Mr. Collier took a hold of it, sliding his chair a little closer and decided to move in for another pass.
"You know, bananas are really good for you..."
"Uh-huh...whatever..."
"No, really. Not only do they have potassium, but they are known for their abilities to influence performance..."
"I haven't heard anything about that."
"Well, it seems to be working on me..."
At first, the spectating mallard or the disguised saurian didn't comprehend the subtle meaning of the man's message, but soon Chameleon caught sight of something alarmingly unsettling. Something was protruding from the folds of the man's pants, even visible enough to be caught on camera. Nosedive's stooping beak only partially conveyed the disgust on both parts, not yet legibly visible on Ms. Studmuffin's face. Mr. Collier leaned in, chillingly close.
"Why don't you give me a kiss?" he whispered hoarsely into the rounded ear. Chameleon flinched in distaste, every nerve of his body ready to attack the man and rip him to shreds for his disrespect. Yet, the saurian's seething silence only encouraged a continuation of the man's inane attempt at romance.
"What's the matter? Are you intimidated by my...animal magnetism?"
"No, it'd be the breath..." Nosedive muttered, zooming in to witness Ms. Studmuffin's face contort with revolt.
"I got one word for you mister..."
"What's that, my little lovey-dovey?"
"YUCK!" brandishing her tongue and scurrying away from him, she made a retching noise over from the wall. Mr. Collier, growing surprisingly furious with the dejection, closed in on the woman, hovering over her, his florid eyes trying to induce fear into the tiny form below his bullish shoulders. However, Ms. Studmuffin didn't seem impressed in the slightest.
"How dare you..."
"No...how dare you! That was rude to stick a banana in your pants like that!" Nosedive slapped his forehead with the rancid naivety of the saurian. Mr. Collier practically collapsed at the comment.
"That wasn't a banana!" The proverbial lightbulb in Chameleon's head finally lit up in realization.
"WHAT THE HELL!?" Ms. Studmuffin's eyebrows grooved intensely upward as the mouth swung open, her features locked in momentary stupefaction. "That's so gross! What a pig!"
"That's it..." Mr. Collier decided to be the savage beast and grabbing an arm brusquely, he dragged her towards the nearest place to make out...that is, until something cold and steel-like lightly tapped his shoulder. He turned around to see the barrel of the laser pistol, staring him deep in the eyes.
"Get your slimy hand off me right now, creep!"
"Damn, I forgot about that..." Mr. Collier obeyed, raising his hands in defeat. Soon, the woman's appeal began to fade away, a jade glow encasing the human. When the light subsided, what remained sent the man to the floor in a heap. The ruse was now gone; only the crinkled form of the Chameleon remained. "Now, what were you saying about animal magnetism?"
"Please...let me go! I'm sorry! Please!" Mr. Collier arched his head downward, to try kissing the feet of his captor, but the limb quickly surmounted itself out of reach on top of the man's head, exuding downward to shove the hapless man's face to the ground.
"It's not that simple, human. You're just a crude, fat pig. I'm going to enjoy torturing you..."
"Drop it, sleazeball!" Chameleon dropped the pistol in reply, clanking against the floor nosily. Slow eyes peeked behind tremulously to spot Nosedive with a banana pointed right at him, a huge smile invading his beak. It took the saurian a moment too late to comprehend that it was a joke. The mallard had successfully apprehended him and the pistol was briskly kicked out of reach.
"How'd you get in here! I should have you arrested for breaking and entering!"
"Oh, and like you did in Phil's apart, you braindead booger!"
"Hey, you can't prove to anybody that it was me, you blonde bimbo!"
"Two words, you misshapen mishap. STAYIN' ALIVE!"
"AAAAH! Don't say that, EVER again, you winged woodpecker!"
"That's duck, you spotted simpleton."
"Big-mouthed bird..."
"Crack-headed clown..." Mr Collier laid against the floor, one rankled eye snuck a peak at the argument ensuing above his head. He billowed a low groan deep in his gut, drawing a resounding "shut up!" from the saurian, kicking him in the side for retaliation.
"Now that ain't nice, you big-eyed buffoon!"
"Well, let me do something else that ain't nice, you dorky duckie!" and with a flick of the wrist, surpassing Nosedive's haste to snatch it, the saurian was able to escape, fading away to leave the duck to clean up the mess.
After another hour, after Mr. Collier was forced to clean up his mess and extradite the deed back to Nosedive, they emerged from the Pond, the man immediately snatched up by the Anaheim police, lead astray to a police car to be frisked. The rest of the Mighty Ducks team (sans Wildwing), Phil and Klegghorn were standing in a small assembly, waiting his news. Nosedive held up the deed to his teammates, a pat on the back from Duke congratulated him as Tanya fingered the document. Holding up a small videotape, he slid it into Klegghorn's hand, the grooved face of the aged officer striking a stern, inquisitive glance.
"Cap, you better hold onto your socks when you watch this. Wing was right...Ms. Studmuffin was the Chameleon..." his head bid attention to the rambling Mr. Collier, cadging the officers to protect him from the "freckled green monster".
"Nosedive, you won't believe what we found." Tanya approached first, holding up a slightly soiled, but intact suitcase, his undisturbed contract still inside.
"Awesome! My contract!"
"Yeah, apparently it was left here in the parking lot and found by one of the officers."
"I just love it when everything comes together!"
"How did it go kid?" Duke took his turn to speak to the teenager.
"Let's say one thing...it went quite a bit different than I would have expected it."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, there's were no big battles, or anything very exciting like I would have wanted. Yet, after today, I'll never think of Chameleon or middle-aged, human males the same way again."
"Hey!"
"Sorry Cap. Present company excluded!" Nosedive gave a sheepish grin to dissuade the captain's slight scowl.
"I thought you were considered a senior citizen...you're over 55 right?" Duke asked innocently, but it awoke a fervor in the police chief. His eyes had a sapphire blaze, the look terrifying.
"Come on Duke...let's go free Wildwing before you are arrested for harassment..." Nosedive shoved the thief away, the other ducks following behind, each holding in their amusement until they were a safe distance away. Tearful eyes, coupled with hysterical laughter played out afterwards while the chief took out his rage on the empty boxes from Krispy Kreme in his car.
In a cell, deep in the urban pandemonium of Anaheim, sat a depressed Wildwing. He had been wrongfully detained, forced to hand down the reigns of leadership, entrusting in his comrades to bring swift jubilation and set him free. Klegghorn gave him a harmonica for a joke, but the duck couldn't ascertain how to play it. For now, his eyes searched aimlessly for something to catch his attention, anything to keep his attention piqued before he feel headlong into numbing boredom. Suddenly, a bit of light shimmered along the polished floor, a particular silhouette approaching in its intrinsic gait. Slowly, hopeful pupils levitated its visage upward to take in the sight of a smiling, fledgling mallard, his sandy tendrils of hair uplifting the spirits of the prisoner.
"Do you need a hug bro?" chuckling lightly, the joking form of Nosedive was quickly enwrapped in an embrace by his older brother.
"How are you doing, baby bro?"
"Oh great Wing! I kicked the Chameleon out of our home, cleared things up at the social security offices to get you pardoned, and happened to stroll down here to tell you that you're free. Oh..." Nosedive held up a piece of paper. "You can call this an early birthday gift, I guess. Phil wasn't happy about the loss of a tax break, but we know you'd like it." Wildwing quickly scanned over the print in the fleeting dimness, and developed a smile after finished.
"Finally got that changed, huh?"
"Yeah, you're my guardian now. You know, I was getting real used to having Phil as my dad. He can dance better than you too!"
"I'll have to see about that sometime; I've been known to have some moves myself. Seriously though, thanks Dive."
"Yeah, I know. I'm the best!" His bravado and puffed ego was placed in check by the clearing of a throat in the hall. Mallory peered in, her warning glance, though softer then before, was still enough to stifle Nosedive's facetiousness.
"Come on, Dive. Let's go home..." Wildwing slung an arm around Nosedive and the two brothers emerged into a bright hallway, where the rest of the team and Phil were assembled.
"Thanks Phil."
"Well, booby, even though I'm really going to miss the tax break, I'm more than ready to give him up!"
"WHAT!?" Nosedive shouted out in surprise.
"One night with you and those saurians come over and trash my apartment. I should get hazard pay to take care of you!" the other ducks laughed while Nosedive pretended to pout.
"Well, anyway, I think this calls for celebration!" Duke clamored up, the teen's face lighting up along with the rest of the group.
"Right on!"
"Definitely!"
"Wait!" Wildwing held his hands up to quell the noise. "We got practice!"
"Bro, get back in your cell."
"Just kidding Dive. Let's go!" the group started straddling down the hallway, towards the door out of the prison ward.
"It's so nice to have everything...well, you know, back to normal and everything!" Tanya inserted into the joyous conversation, prompting one member of the team to stop in their tracks.
"Ahem!" All the ducks stopped to turn around where Mallory gave a reminding stare.
"What?"
"Did anyone forget my audit? That's still not cleared up!"
"Oh...ha ha ha, tough luck, girly girl!" Nosedive's hand quickly staunched the flow of words from his beak when he saw the female avian's vexation augmented. "Sorry..."
"Don't worry about it, my friend. Soon, your aura will be uplifted and your mind will be unburdened."
"Yeah yeah...let's go." Futile to continue, especially against Grin's remedial advice, Mallory proceeded following the group, grumbling something about the IRS as the team continued to plan out their sudden party.
"CHAMELEON!" An enervated saurian timidly skittered into the cold lights of the throne room, the scrutinizing gaze of his nefarious master flinted in the darkness that shrouded his seat. The saurian was paralyzed with the fear that the others knew of his misadventure and he was about to face the condemnation of the group, especially after shying away from the repairs on the Raptor.
"Yes boss?" a tiny squeak escaped his lips, his master leaning forward, stepping down from the throne, the fiery light above seemed to lick its wicked flames around Draguanus's attire, slowly waxing in his face as it unexpectedly demonstrated a pleased glance.
"Good job."
"Huh?"
"I have to admit it. You can't do much right, but you did manage to cheer me up."
"Uhhh...really?" Chameleon didn't want to question his superior, but he was curious for elaboration. His questions were answered with the robed saurian, Wraith, soon materialized from the dark, his elongated hands encasing a hauntingly familiar vial, vacant of contents, yet surfeited with explanation.
"You drank this didn't you?"
"Well...yeah. I'm sorry, really!"
"Oh, don't worry, Chameleon. It was all part of the plan."
"Plan?"
"The plan to cheer me up!" Impatience was etching its way into the dragon's benevolence, so Chameleon immediately silenced himself. Wraith stepped forward to further elucidate.
"When you drank this, you start experiencing illusions while it is coursing through your system. Soon, it manifests into a form that while vividly colorful, is still recognizable in some way."
"It looked like the boss."
"That's one possibility."
"But, it did stuff...I mean, I saw the ducks, this...'thing' was able to make things happen."
"Actually, that was the saurian magic, supplied by myself. Your mind created the illusion and the dialogue for it...well except for the part about you being the only one able to see it."
"You mean to tell me you and the boss put me through this without telling me?"
"Exactly."
"Well, how did you know I'd end up drinking that potion?"
"Because even though you're a peon, your curious nature is something that is easily tractable." Draguanus assumed his seat, still ambivalent in tone, but a recessive slyness had now wormed its way in. "There is one minor complication though..."
"What?"
Then it happened. Out of the darkness, a massive orange palm tightly held the desecrated remains of Calvin Klein briefs and an icily fatal glance was outlined in the beam of light. Chameleon gulped and backed up slowly, grimacing when Siege took an extended step into the full spotlight, looking prepared to extirpate something.
"You are one dead little lizard..."
"Eep. Uh, hi Siege...may, what nice briefs you have! Bye!" Chameleon quickly took off, running at full speed, screeching down the hall as the heavy footsteps of the orange saurian took off after him, promising death.
"Things are truly back to normal Wraith."
"It appears so, Lord Draguanus. Have you created another plan to destroy the ducks?"
"I may have something up my sleeve."
"Something big and mechanical, I suppose..." Wraith sunk a bit as asking, already prepped with the line about a "dismal outcome".
"No. Something simple...and magical."
"Hmmm, is that so?" rigid eyes sparked with interest at the thought of the dragon finally considering magic to fulfill his needs.
"We'll see what happens. For now, I think I'm going to watch Siege try to kill Chameleon though..." turning on the security systems and reveling in the destruction, Draguanus felt tinges of satisfaction. Even though he had yet to succeed in discomfiting the ducks, there was still more plots to be played and the continued abuse of his simplistic cohorts.
A few weeks later, the IRS building was abuzz. Nothing was more of a surprise to local citizens than seeing their heroic waterfowl all assembled in a row of chairs, waiting for their fellow teammate to finish her audit. Wildwing was whispering with Nosedive, trying to admonish him about being nicer to Mallory, especially when he wanted to "cheer her up" with a morning prank of green eggs and chilled coffee. Meanwhile, Duke was reading a magazine, Tanya was eyeballing a computer and wondering how she could improve its performance, while Grin remained in a trance, meditating on the endless quest to be further in touch with his spirit. After the hushed argument of the siblings died down and the people started to successfully suppress their compulsive staring, Mallory walked on out, an uplifted beak with an unreadable, neutral expression.
"How'd it go Mallory?" Wildwing asked, a small packet of sheets landing in his lap. Looking down at the results, the audit showed that she was absolutely flawless in her records, not even a single cent off.
"Whoa! Way to go, girly girl!" Nosedive yelled out excitedly, but was quickly shushed by the others. After all, it was an IRS lobby.
"Yikes..." Duke added in, albeit hushed.
"The chances of the government finding a report absolutely perfect is extremely meager. That's definitely an accomplishment."
"I sense your deep satisfaction, as well as our own."
"That's what the government gets for thinking they can pull one on Mallory McMallard! Let's go out...my treat."
"We got practice, remember?" Nosedive smacked his forehead, a small contingency of groans backed him up. "What? Guys, we have to keep our edge."
"Man, has everything ever been more back to normal?!" they headed back towards the Pond, Mallory in silent elation while the rest were caught up in devising hockey strategies. Little did they see that down the street, at a lone bus stop, past the assembly of cops at Dunkin Donuts discussing the crazy tape that Klegghorn had watched, stood a lonely man. Mr. Collier not only lost the one woman he desired more than anything, but he got faced with divorce papers soon after. Even Century 21 wasn't interested in keeping him on the workforce after such shoddy behavior. Just he was sulking in the morose depths of pity, a car with the pizza boy (chapter 3) whizzed by, dousing his coat with a fresh spray of water from the puddles at his feet.
"Reality bites."
THE END
(EDITOR: That's it for the story. Just a few unimportant things, in case you still feel like reading stuff.
1. This story was an experiment, not in humor as much as it was in writing style and the use of vocabulary. I was trying to conjure some words I haven't used for a while and I've also been making use of words that I've been learned over the course of the summer (writing really does convince you to expand your learning). In future stories, I think I want to keep it a little more simplistic though, since I personally like writing that way.
2. College starts in 2 weeks, and I will most assuredly be busy with classes to have much time to dedicate to writing. It was a summer hobby and one I don't care to give up completely, but anything I do in terms of fan fiction will be severely limited. However, I'll continue to visit and review new stories on the site. I've been really enjoying them, particularly the recent ones by Raphael, Dolphy, and Silver Elf Child. Great job everyone!
3. I have been planning another story to write in the future sometime. It will be a bit different from past stories. It will definitely earn a PG-13 or R rating and would be very dark overall. I hope this idea for the story has never been done before. Though, don't hold your breath and expect to see it anytime soon. Like I said, college is starting, and I want to write the entire story done first. I like to have my stories complete before I post them...unlike this one.
4. Just a reminder. I do have an AOL IM screen name for this site. My screen name is "Justsomeone12", so if you'd ever like to chat about MD or whatnot, give me a buzz!
5. Thanks to everyone who leaves reviews and reads my stories!
That's it! Good luck for those back in school/college!)
Reality Bites
Chapter 10: Is That a Banana or Are Your Briefs Happy to See Me?
Chameleon didn't say anything directly to the ducks when he saw them evacuating the base. Even though they were given the grace period of a mere hour to compile all their belongings, the end result was equally as pungent. He had succeeded where the other saurians had failed, and the most surprising aspect of the whole scheme was that it was done in frivolous taste. Now, assuming the disguise of the charming Ms. Studmuffin and adopting the company of the lubricious Mr. Collier, he was inwardly cheering as the Migrator and Aerowing pulled out, rendezvousing in the vacant parking lot. Their temporarily appointed leader, Duke, soon approached the couple, eyeing Chameleon with a suspicious, yet anticipatory glance, as he solidified the deal by shaking hands with the manager. Soon, the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim were out of sight, their vehicles embellished in a melody of supportive car horns by the unnerved citizens. In the form of Ms. Studmuffin, Chameleon had already been the victim of many aside glares by the local denizens.
"Well, let's head inside and I'll show you around..." Mr. Collier smiled, discreetly brushing his offering sleeve against a rounded hip has he raised it into view. Chameleon knew the lewd intentions of his newly acquired ally and even though severely discomforted with the thought of having him as company, accepted the invitation and headed inside the stadium. However, the saurian, frayed with the man's refusal to leave, decided to cause a little discomfort in his nerves. Upon reaching the lobby, the man had shyly seceded towards the lavatory after an intense, flirtatious brush with the woman's hips as Chameleon made his grand entrance. The saurian, relieved for a few moments of peace from the human, was soon in solitary company of his vibrant friend, oddly muted even in absence of intense light. The concern was momentarily disregarded.
"You see that guy? So crude...yet so amusing!"
"Watch it Greeny. I think he's expecting a little payback tonight!"
"I'll give him a little payback alright..." an affirmative nod and pat rewarded the disclosed weapon hidden among the folds of his dress.
"Well, don't you want to have a little fun with him? It's not everyday you can make a human squeal like a pig!"
"Already messin' with him. He thinks he's getting his hands on me, there's a serious butt-kicking coming his way!" soon his deviousness was cut short by the sudden enervation of his friend's complexion. To accompany it, the head started to dissolve its smile and looked almost ill.
"What's going on? Are you sick?"
"No, it's worse..."
"What?!"
"Greeny...I'm dying away."
"NO!"
"Yes, if you haven't noticed, I've been slowly fading away over the last day or so."
"But why?!"
"Remember that you drank the potion, right?"
"Yeah...and?"
"Well, once it courses through your body and you...well, you know, get rid of it, it sort of subtracts from my potency as well. By my calculations, next time you take a trip to the restroom, that'll be all for me."
"That can't be! I haven't used the lavatory once this entire story!"
"Well, it's not in writing, but its assumed by the readers that you have anyway...so, I must...(cough) say farewell soon!" Chameleon soon dropped to his knees, the slender form of his womanly ruse bending over and lamenting at the sight of the fallen friend with a sudden cry to the heavens in painfully sullen angst. Mr. Collier, just exiting the room with a relieved sigh and mindfully zipping up his pants, was baffled by the sudden outcry by the woman and went to consol her.
"Hey, what's..."
"AAAAH!" shrieking, Ms. Studmuffin quickly shuffled to her feet, a radiant smile falsely plastered on her outstretched mouth. "What are you doing here?!"
"I heard you scream, baby. Tell me, what's bothering my little studmuffin?" Chameleon shivered and swallowed down the urges to knock the tawdry man flat on his chubby face.
"Oh nothing...Mr. Collier..." a slight acidity in her tone failed to belay the man's wanton advances.
"You want me to give you a massage?"
"No!"
"Really? Why not?"
"Uhhh...I have an allergic reaction?"
"To massages?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"My poor lovemuffin...never to feel the fulfilling hands of another man..." Chameleon caught his fist just in time from colliding with Mr. Collier's face. Stuffing down his pride, the saurian started hissing low under the man's pitying words.
"I'll give you a message..." the woman muttered venomously deep, unintentionally audible to the man.
"Really?!"
"Huh, what?" Eyebrows raised in alarm.
"You said you'd give me a massage!"
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did!"
"Ugh...tonight..." Chameleon wasn't thinking clearly but seeing the elated man overbearingly perky indicated that he just said something he'd regret later on. "Let's go see the living quarters..."
"Huh?"
"For the ducks!"
"They live here?" an impatient roll of the eyes were the only reply as the curved form of Ms. Studmuffin graciously swayed her hips, heading towards the nearest locker room to find the entrance she was seeking. Mr. Collier, dabbing a bit of drool out of his mouth with a tucked handkerchief, soon lolled behind, gazing desirably at the vixen.
"I didn't know Chameleon was into men..." Nosedive chuckled as he followed the saurian's quest for an entrance. He watched and listened to the entire exchance through the security cameras and was curious to was Chameleon seemed to be talking at the floor a moment ago. Yet, the duck was forced to revive his attentiveness when he saw the dastardly woman barging in the ducks' locker room and eyeing it for some kind of door or concealed pathway. "I guess I should let them find the entrance."
"How in the hell do we get down there?!" Ms. Studmuffin growled, her petite nose wrinkling with the scowl implanted on her delicate features. Mr. Collier, trying to quell the aggravation, began an exaggerated search around the room. Announcing every find from a cobweb (imagine Nosedive's surprise with a clean freak for a brother) to an open locker with a pair of hockey gloves, the man was only getting on the nerves of the disguised saurian.
"You're not helping..."
"Maybe there's a password we can say to activate the doors!" Mr. Collier leaped and bounded over to the woman's slumping side, and bellowed 'open sesame' to the giant Mighty Ducks logo painted on the wall. Like clockwork, it folded open with the sound of rotating gears. Ms. Studmuffin's eyes lit slightly, her disposition lifting with the revelation. Seeing the path downstairs was barely lit, the man shamelessly flaunted himself as a true gentleman and took the lead.
"Ah...the gentleman...let's see how he likes this!" Nosedive chortled, his finger sliding along the grooves of a rounded button, and pushing it.
"AAAH! HELP!" Mr. Collier sloppily crumbled to the floor and began cringing, commencing to brush his sleeves off savagely. Ms. Studmuffin raised an unimpressed eyebrow, her visage slowly raising to the sight of a small, rubber spider, dangling mockingly from the roof of the arched entrance.
"Geez, this is some defense system the ducks here. It actually works on idiots..." the saurian thought to himself, slowly pacing around the thrashing human, grabbing the spider with an extenuating fist and dangling it over the male's head.
"It's rubber." It took a few minutes to compute in Mr. Collier's mind that he had successfully humiliated himself. Leaping to his feet and pulling his composure together, he gave a belittled laugh.
"I was joking, ha ha ha! Didn't you think my reaction was funny?"
"Uh...let me think...NO! Let me take the lead..." Ms. Studmuffin extended a silky leg down the first stair, sauntering her way through the descending hallway.
"It's not that easy, girly girl!" Another button was wily fondled with a teasing finger before activating the next trap.
An audible click was heard to both beings in the hall, all of a sudden, their traction lost as they both slid down the incline, devoid of the stairs present a second ago. Screaming ensued, yet the uncouth man, descending more speedily, attempted to make another dashing rescue and adjusted himself to where he would catch Ms. Studmuffin at the bottom. The plan conducted itself flawlessly at first. Mr. Collier reached the bottom, cuffed against the wall brusquely as he reached out for Ms. Studmuffin, approaching hastily. However, his hopeful opportunity at a close, "accidental" embrace was defeated when an extended leg of the woman crunched itself sickeningly in between the man's legs, his face growing red with flushed pain. Reeling over, the woman brushed her attire off and watched Mr. Collier groaning as he writhed in pain along the floor, holding his crotch tightly. Chameleon had an inward smile and highly amused, decided to issue an impassive apology.
"Oh, sorry about that. How does it feel?" Biting back laughter, the saurian could hardly constrain his delight.
"Oooooowwwww..." in a soprano tone, the man gracelessly whimpered like a child.
Nosedive shuddered at the impact, but a part of him sickeningly enjoyed itself as he witnessed the man endearing the pain. The teen leaned back with a valiant grin, already prepared for his next attack. This time turning a lever, he sat back as the reverberation of an unwinding door startled both cohorts. All of a sudden, the woman was assaulted by a precipitating bag of flour, a fugacious cloud resulting from the impact, the violent coughing of Ms. Studmuffin concealed in the fog. Mr. Collier garnished enough energy to get back to his feet and immediately limped towards the void to help his accomplice.
"Ah, the gentleman going to help...well see about that..." Nosedive flicked enough dial nimbly and sat back as the sound of another sack of flour brought the man to his knees. For a couple of minutes, a white powder obstructed the teen's view, but upon clearing, he could see both made it to their feet, both vilifying the Mighty Ducks and their traps. Nosedive watched all with an amused smirk, and pushed another button in response, another chorus or screams ensuing when a third bag of flour plummeted, knocking both characters to the ground with pained moaning.
"Alright, that's it!" Chameleon reached the bounds of his patience and out of character, sprung to life, a flashing hand through his raiment conceived a laser pistol. A couple of shots later, the front door's security panel was sundered and the door complied with the puissance and hissed open.
"What was that?!"
"What?!" Ms. Studmuffin's face was tainted with perniciousness, past the point of tolerance with the man at her feet.
"You just blasted the door open like that! Where did you get that weapon?!"
"It's for my protection..." with a huff, the woman authoritatively marched in the headquarters, immediately threatening the empty confines with the pistol, meticulously scanning for the source of her mortification. Unbeknownst to the woman, up in the plated roofs, tucked in between supporting trusses in the darkness, was the sly young mallard, slowly awaiting his time to strike. Right now, he'd let the two have their solitude, watching the cameras through his rewired com and laying dormant for the time being.
"Ms. Studmuffin?" the once dejecting words of Mr. Collier were now restrained, held back in a respectful tone.
"I think that's it as far as defenses..." the laser pistol was soon tucked away under the garment, earning a gratifying sigh from the man. He found the undisturbed furniture and the grand television set and immediately ramified from his company to seek refuge on the couch. Ms. Studmuffin brushed off the flour and sneezed violently as she stumbled back into a chair, investigating her soiled clothes.
"Why don't you take a shower or something?" Mr. Collier replied sleepily. Apparently, he paid no heed to the fact he was encased with the white dust himself.
"Yeah, sure...whatever..." Ms. Studmuffin slowly rose to her feet and suspiciously eyed her surroundings. Austere metal paneling consisted of the walls, all unified in a glum scene. Only the decorations of the ducks, now understandably rescinded, gave the hollowed rooms any sense of identity. However, even though the major areas of socialization were stripped, Ms. Studmuffin soon discovered that the bedrooms didn't seem to be tampered with. Walking in on the first door, a pillar of light illuminated the trashed room of Nosedive. The teenager groaned, wishing that it wasn't his bedroom that had to be right off the living room. What made it worse was that there was not yet a camera in the bedroom, so he had to slowly skitter down the lengths of the trusses, guided by the sound of shuffling possessions. Slightly setting a ceiling panel ajar in an unvarnished corner of the room, his shining pupils flashed actively with the impending need to defend his territory from the saurian. For now, not to ruin the plan, the avian stayed concealed, but emitted a slight gurgling when Ms. Studmuffin landed on the bed, lounging back and looking up at the ceiling with vacant eyes. To the duck's surprise, the saurian soon started to talk to himself again in the stygian dimness.
"Well, I'm in, and believe me, it was hell to get in here!"
"I watched it all Greeny...it was kind of funny from my standpoint..." the vortex of colors shone down on the bed, slightly mitigated from past encounters, but still vibrant enough to allow the saurian an unobstructed view of the room around him. Torpid eyes gazed about, quickly resuming his mutual gaze with his companion above on the ceiling, the harrowed face of the woman clearing a bit as the sagging eyelids lolled her into the precursors of slumber.
"Wasn't it great when I nailed that guy right in the family jewels?!"
"I call it poetic justice."
"So much for thinking he'd get a piece of Ms. Desiree Studmuffin!"
"Are you sure you're not overplaying the role a bit? Imagine how your saurian allies would think when they find out you've been pretending to be a woman...and enjoying it so much?"
"Hey, I'm working my magic here! I'm not overplaying it at all. Not even the chief of police thought I wasn't really a human when they took the ducks' leader away! Now, the rest of the duckies are on the streets and I actually own the Pond!" An unnoticed feathered fist contracted in the darkness, but restrained itself.
"So, what are you going to do with it?"
"I dunno. Just imagine how many silver and gold stars Draguanus would give me on the chart at home if I managed to blow the place up!" (EDITOR: remember the episode "Puck Fiction")
"Well, you'd be his favorite for sure."
"He'd finally stop treating me like a loser and start giving Siege all the cleaning duties!"
"Have you thought about telling them?"
"Not yet. After all, Siege and Wraith would come in, ruin everything, and I'd get all the blame. Besides, the boss is still too deep in the dumps to really notice right now." An extended yawn soon escaped the woman's mouth, succeeded by an unladylike smacking of the lips.
"Tired?"
"A bit...I haven't slept since this whole plot started."
"Yeah, take a break. You earned it."
"Cool. I think I'll go to sleep now..." a loud yawn and a groggy shuffling of the limbs soon transformed into stentorian snoring, resonating from the restful form.
The duck groaned at the turn of events, but he couldn't help wonder why Chameleon was talking to himself. He never detected the dazzling lights or any hint of presence by a second being until miraculously, the flour on the form of the woman seemed to divest itself. Soon, the sleeping human was flawlessly restored to an elegant trig, while spying eyes glimmered with fright, as if they had seen a ghost. Nosedive tried to rationalize, but since Chameleon referred to all his known accomplices in the third person, the teen duck knew that none of them likely had any part in this visual trick.
"Did I just see what I think I saw? Oh man, Wildwing always warned me about those triple cheese and beef tacos..." shaking his head, Nosedive soon replaced the panel and headed back up into the dark enclosure, concealing himself deep within the darkness to polish up some scheming details...
Ms. Studmuffin snapped wide awake, staring around at the unfamiliar surroundings and immediately leaping to attention, striking a karate pose to hopefully ward off any opposing perpetrators. However, once the remembrance of falling asleep in the Mighty Ducks headquarters finally vivified itself, the furtive saurian leaped back to the ground, squinting to harness any light of the minute quality available. The head was gone, and Chameleon had no idea where his friend had disappeared to. The thought dwindled against the sudden urge to use the lavatory. Prying eyes, resuming post in the corner, groaned when he followed his foe's dawdling, directly into his personal restroom. The door had shut in and soon Chameleon was in position to begin his business when his flashy companion materialized among the wall.
"Hey, give me some privacy here! I'll be done in a minute!"
"Sorry, Greeny, but I should at least say goodbye."
"Now?!" Chameleon shifted his feet erratically, trying to withhold his impending need.
"I won't stop you from going, and trust me, it'll be very uncomfortable if you do hold it, so I want to wish you well."
"You know, this is making it really hard for me..." Chameleon grumbled, using every ounce of his will to staunch the flow. Never could he have expected that doing something so considerately quotidian would actually result in the loss of a now valued friend.
"Isn't there a way to get you back?"
"As far as I know, I'm one of a kind. It was nice while it lasted though."
"You can't do this to me! We're a team!" Nosedive couldn't help snickering at that line, a golden strand of hair folded back to let an ear compress itself to the door to allow his listening. He was still unable to hear the amorphous head, so it sounded as if Chameleon was talking to himself...and his dross.
"Don't worry about me Greeny. You'll carry though. Besides, you continued this plan free of my interference for quite a while now."
"But you started it and you can't help me finish it?" On the opposite side of the room, Mr. Collier was hunched over, leaning against the other door to hear the abstruse, one-sided conversation. He continued to ponder how and when did Ms. Studmuffin ever adopt such garrulousness. That didn't mean it wasn't amusing however.
"She may have quirks, but she is still one heck of a woman!" he whispered over his desiring breathes, hoping that she would soon aggress the lavatory and help to alleviate some of the tension, physical and otherwise, that he was currently feeling.
Chameleon had rarely felt so encumbered. He wanted to keep his jocular ally around, but he knew that fighting Mother Nature would only induce further wrath and discomfort. He decided to bid a sad farewell before completing his business, a small caterwaul escaping when the last remnants of his friend died out, the colors fading into the metallic hues of the wall, painting the room in a gloomy haze of gelidness. Suddenly, the saurian felt the need to escape and quickly washing his hands and wiping away the mistiness niggling at the bottom of the guise's mascara-branded eyelids, the curvaceous woman emerged from the restroom to nearly fall face first over the hunched form of Mr. Callous, now shooting a shy, puckish glance. A dark, contemptuous look crossed the face of the woman, jittering fingers itched with his incompetence.
"Sorry, I just wanted to see how you were doing?" almost questioning himself, Mr. Collier quickly jumped up, his hands together in a pleading look, almost as puerile as his established infatuation.
"Go...away..."
"Well, I'd like to, and believe me I would, but I think it wouldn't be very gentleman-like to leave you in this desolate place all by yourself. After all, who knows what other traps could place you in danger, my little creampuff."
"Aren't you married or something?" Ms. Studmuffin, in a state of deep vexation, crossed her arms and asked interrogatively.
"Oh...yeah, ha ha ha! But the old battle-axe knows that I'm always trying to consider what's best for my fellow employees." Mr. Collier placed his clammy hands on Ms. Studmuffin's milky back and gently escorted her to the kitchen table. Nosedive, watching from out of view, was alarmed to see how reckless Mr. Collier had been with his home. He seemed to have full run of the television and not only had he managed to trash the living room, but he made the premature assumption that he could freely snatch any of the remaining foodstuffs that he wanted. A true loafer at heart.
"No wonder Chameleon doesn't see anything in him..."
In the kitchen, Ms. Studmuffin relinquished control over her stature, but still complied with the man's wishes and took a seat, even if the company wasn't desirable. He seemed to have been toiling with the appliances and the aroma of something surprisingly mouthwatering had perked up the woman's petite nose. Within a few seconds, a timer, placed at the forefront of the counter rang intently as the man soon turned from another piece of his surprise and contrived a smile to Ms. Studmuffin.
"I made us dinner!" he winked, soon resuming work on the food before him. After a few more assorted sounds of various smashing fists and other utensils being clanked around, he approached the stove. Nosedive grinned, now back at the security consol, monitoring the scene.
"Maybe someone should tell him the stove handle gets a bit hot..."
"AAAAAAH! IT BURNS!"
"Or maybe not." Fiddling with a small, handheld consol in his plumed hand, he started recalling the instructions Tanya gave him and decided to give it a test run.
"Let's see what happens when technology goes bad!"
Mr. Collier held his hand, furrowed with red marks from the burn. He waved it around painfully when he was soon besieged from above by an opening cabinet, spilling pots and pans over him. Ms. Studmuffin merely hoisted an eyebrow in interest. The man soon escaped the mess, and approached the sink to cool his injury, but to his dismay, the faucet wouldn't turn on. Instead, the sprayer attachment went off, blasting him in the chest with frigid water, painful screeching emitted in reply. Soon, to complement his harrowing, the refrigerator doors miraculously swung open, smacking the man in the back of the cranium and the spine, sending him reeling forward as another cabinet door opened in tune to backhand the man's rotund cheeks, rippling in reply as he collapsed to the ground, cowering at the malicious appliances surrounding him. Suddenly, the kitchen didn't seem very inviting anymore. Yet, all the woman could do was laugh, her silky complexion challenged with tears as she howled at the unfolding pandemonium. Even though the impeccable sequence of attacks was very suspicious, it was lost in her overshadowing mirth.
"Oh, that was great! I never seen anything so funny in my life!" Ms. Studmuffin was on the verge of tears, each sensuous laugh cutting deeper into the man's dwindling pride. Yet, her apparent immunity to the misfortune was cut short when the chair suddenly slid back, sending the woman into the floor.
Nosedive sat back, struggling to suppress all his enjoyment, an episodic array of snorting giggles escaping as he watched the pair recover through his moistening eyes. He never knew the hilarious advantages that an automated kitchen imposed and now, getting the opportunity to test it out first hand, the results couldn't have been better.
"I should market this and sell it to people as a home defense system!" Nosedive quipped as another button was pressed, yet another rubber spider bounding from the kitchen ceiling, landing squarely of Mr. Collier's nose and requesting all his attention. He whimpered, bellowed, and screamed tightly as Ms. Studmuffin briskly nicked it off with the sharp edge of one of her high heels.
"So much for dinner, huh?"
"How about take out?"
A few minutes later, after ordering for Chinese food, a bored woman and her managed boss sat at the table. In just a few short hours, the boss had become little more than a subservient pet, feed into by his perpetuating wanton wishes. He figured that from what he wouldn't get from his marriage, he could certainly retrieve from a lustrous affair on the side. The only real defeating point was that the woman had so far refuted every advance and now seemed increasingly distant. For someone so youthful and flirtatious, the woman had currently appeared to be someone completely different. Now, where a perfectly sculpted face once sat, one riddled with stress and somnolence acted as a replacement. Her fingers was now tortuous, her groomed hair was now abound in loose strands and even the jewelry seemed to have lost its luster. She seemed to have misplaced much of her infectious appeal in just a day's time. Here, stuck in the confines of the ducks' kitchen, waiting on food, was a moocher of a employer, amid the dulled and daunted complexion of his fantasy, was still dreaming delusions of grandeur in his fictitious relationship built on savage, compulsive needs. Yet, when visions cleared and assumed reality, it was only them and a fruit basket, Ms. Studmuffin absent-mindedly poking a banana among the assorted items. Mr. Collier took a hold of it, sliding his chair a little closer and decided to move in for another pass.
"You know, bananas are really good for you..."
"Uh-huh...whatever..."
"No, really. Not only do they have potassium, but they are known for their abilities to influence performance..."
"I haven't heard anything about that."
"Well, it seems to be working on me..."
At first, the spectating mallard or the disguised saurian didn't comprehend the subtle meaning of the man's message, but soon Chameleon caught sight of something alarmingly unsettling. Something was protruding from the folds of the man's pants, even visible enough to be caught on camera. Nosedive's stooping beak only partially conveyed the disgust on both parts, not yet legibly visible on Ms. Studmuffin's face. Mr. Collier leaned in, chillingly close.
"Why don't you give me a kiss?" he whispered hoarsely into the rounded ear. Chameleon flinched in distaste, every nerve of his body ready to attack the man and rip him to shreds for his disrespect. Yet, the saurian's seething silence only encouraged a continuation of the man's inane attempt at romance.
"What's the matter? Are you intimidated by my...animal magnetism?"
"No, it'd be the breath..." Nosedive muttered, zooming in to witness Ms. Studmuffin's face contort with revolt.
"I got one word for you mister..."
"What's that, my little lovey-dovey?"
"YUCK!" brandishing her tongue and scurrying away from him, she made a retching noise over from the wall. Mr. Collier, growing surprisingly furious with the dejection, closed in on the woman, hovering over her, his florid eyes trying to induce fear into the tiny form below his bullish shoulders. However, Ms. Studmuffin didn't seem impressed in the slightest.
"How dare you..."
"No...how dare you! That was rude to stick a banana in your pants like that!" Nosedive slapped his forehead with the rancid naivety of the saurian. Mr. Collier practically collapsed at the comment.
"That wasn't a banana!" The proverbial lightbulb in Chameleon's head finally lit up in realization.
"WHAT THE HELL!?" Ms. Studmuffin's eyebrows grooved intensely upward as the mouth swung open, her features locked in momentary stupefaction. "That's so gross! What a pig!"
"That's it..." Mr. Collier decided to be the savage beast and grabbing an arm brusquely, he dragged her towards the nearest place to make out...that is, until something cold and steel-like lightly tapped his shoulder. He turned around to see the barrel of the laser pistol, staring him deep in the eyes.
"Get your slimy hand off me right now, creep!"
"Damn, I forgot about that..." Mr. Collier obeyed, raising his hands in defeat. Soon, the woman's appeal began to fade away, a jade glow encasing the human. When the light subsided, what remained sent the man to the floor in a heap. The ruse was now gone; only the crinkled form of the Chameleon remained. "Now, what were you saying about animal magnetism?"
"Please...let me go! I'm sorry! Please!" Mr. Collier arched his head downward, to try kissing the feet of his captor, but the limb quickly surmounted itself out of reach on top of the man's head, exuding downward to shove the hapless man's face to the ground.
"It's not that simple, human. You're just a crude, fat pig. I'm going to enjoy torturing you..."
"Drop it, sleazeball!" Chameleon dropped the pistol in reply, clanking against the floor nosily. Slow eyes peeked behind tremulously to spot Nosedive with a banana pointed right at him, a huge smile invading his beak. It took the saurian a moment too late to comprehend that it was a joke. The mallard had successfully apprehended him and the pistol was briskly kicked out of reach.
"How'd you get in here! I should have you arrested for breaking and entering!"
"Oh, and like you did in Phil's apart, you braindead booger!"
"Hey, you can't prove to anybody that it was me, you blonde bimbo!"
"Two words, you misshapen mishap. STAYIN' ALIVE!"
"AAAAH! Don't say that, EVER again, you winged woodpecker!"
"That's duck, you spotted simpleton."
"Big-mouthed bird..."
"Crack-headed clown..." Mr Collier laid against the floor, one rankled eye snuck a peak at the argument ensuing above his head. He billowed a low groan deep in his gut, drawing a resounding "shut up!" from the saurian, kicking him in the side for retaliation.
"Now that ain't nice, you big-eyed buffoon!"
"Well, let me do something else that ain't nice, you dorky duckie!" and with a flick of the wrist, surpassing Nosedive's haste to snatch it, the saurian was able to escape, fading away to leave the duck to clean up the mess.
After another hour, after Mr. Collier was forced to clean up his mess and extradite the deed back to Nosedive, they emerged from the Pond, the man immediately snatched up by the Anaheim police, lead astray to a police car to be frisked. The rest of the Mighty Ducks team (sans Wildwing), Phil and Klegghorn were standing in a small assembly, waiting his news. Nosedive held up the deed to his teammates, a pat on the back from Duke congratulated him as Tanya fingered the document. Holding up a small videotape, he slid it into Klegghorn's hand, the grooved face of the aged officer striking a stern, inquisitive glance.
"Cap, you better hold onto your socks when you watch this. Wing was right...Ms. Studmuffin was the Chameleon..." his head bid attention to the rambling Mr. Collier, cadging the officers to protect him from the "freckled green monster".
"Nosedive, you won't believe what we found." Tanya approached first, holding up a slightly soiled, but intact suitcase, his undisturbed contract still inside.
"Awesome! My contract!"
"Yeah, apparently it was left here in the parking lot and found by one of the officers."
"I just love it when everything comes together!"
"How did it go kid?" Duke took his turn to speak to the teenager.
"Let's say one thing...it went quite a bit different than I would have expected it."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, there's were no big battles, or anything very exciting like I would have wanted. Yet, after today, I'll never think of Chameleon or middle-aged, human males the same way again."
"Hey!"
"Sorry Cap. Present company excluded!" Nosedive gave a sheepish grin to dissuade the captain's slight scowl.
"I thought you were considered a senior citizen...you're over 55 right?" Duke asked innocently, but it awoke a fervor in the police chief. His eyes had a sapphire blaze, the look terrifying.
"Come on Duke...let's go free Wildwing before you are arrested for harassment..." Nosedive shoved the thief away, the other ducks following behind, each holding in their amusement until they were a safe distance away. Tearful eyes, coupled with hysterical laughter played out afterwards while the chief took out his rage on the empty boxes from Krispy Kreme in his car.
In a cell, deep in the urban pandemonium of Anaheim, sat a depressed Wildwing. He had been wrongfully detained, forced to hand down the reigns of leadership, entrusting in his comrades to bring swift jubilation and set him free. Klegghorn gave him a harmonica for a joke, but the duck couldn't ascertain how to play it. For now, his eyes searched aimlessly for something to catch his attention, anything to keep his attention piqued before he feel headlong into numbing boredom. Suddenly, a bit of light shimmered along the polished floor, a particular silhouette approaching in its intrinsic gait. Slowly, hopeful pupils levitated its visage upward to take in the sight of a smiling, fledgling mallard, his sandy tendrils of hair uplifting the spirits of the prisoner.
"Do you need a hug bro?" chuckling lightly, the joking form of Nosedive was quickly enwrapped in an embrace by his older brother.
"How are you doing, baby bro?"
"Oh great Wing! I kicked the Chameleon out of our home, cleared things up at the social security offices to get you pardoned, and happened to stroll down here to tell you that you're free. Oh..." Nosedive held up a piece of paper. "You can call this an early birthday gift, I guess. Phil wasn't happy about the loss of a tax break, but we know you'd like it." Wildwing quickly scanned over the print in the fleeting dimness, and developed a smile after finished.
"Finally got that changed, huh?"
"Yeah, you're my guardian now. You know, I was getting real used to having Phil as my dad. He can dance better than you too!"
"I'll have to see about that sometime; I've been known to have some moves myself. Seriously though, thanks Dive."
"Yeah, I know. I'm the best!" His bravado and puffed ego was placed in check by the clearing of a throat in the hall. Mallory peered in, her warning glance, though softer then before, was still enough to stifle Nosedive's facetiousness.
"Come on, Dive. Let's go home..." Wildwing slung an arm around Nosedive and the two brothers emerged into a bright hallway, where the rest of the team and Phil were assembled.
"Thanks Phil."
"Well, booby, even though I'm really going to miss the tax break, I'm more than ready to give him up!"
"WHAT!?" Nosedive shouted out in surprise.
"One night with you and those saurians come over and trash my apartment. I should get hazard pay to take care of you!" the other ducks laughed while Nosedive pretended to pout.
"Well, anyway, I think this calls for celebration!" Duke clamored up, the teen's face lighting up along with the rest of the group.
"Right on!"
"Definitely!"
"Wait!" Wildwing held his hands up to quell the noise. "We got practice!"
"Bro, get back in your cell."
"Just kidding Dive. Let's go!" the group started straddling down the hallway, towards the door out of the prison ward.
"It's so nice to have everything...well, you know, back to normal and everything!" Tanya inserted into the joyous conversation, prompting one member of the team to stop in their tracks.
"Ahem!" All the ducks stopped to turn around where Mallory gave a reminding stare.
"What?"
"Did anyone forget my audit? That's still not cleared up!"
"Oh...ha ha ha, tough luck, girly girl!" Nosedive's hand quickly staunched the flow of words from his beak when he saw the female avian's vexation augmented. "Sorry..."
"Don't worry about it, my friend. Soon, your aura will be uplifted and your mind will be unburdened."
"Yeah yeah...let's go." Futile to continue, especially against Grin's remedial advice, Mallory proceeded following the group, grumbling something about the IRS as the team continued to plan out their sudden party.
"CHAMELEON!" An enervated saurian timidly skittered into the cold lights of the throne room, the scrutinizing gaze of his nefarious master flinted in the darkness that shrouded his seat. The saurian was paralyzed with the fear that the others knew of his misadventure and he was about to face the condemnation of the group, especially after shying away from the repairs on the Raptor.
"Yes boss?" a tiny squeak escaped his lips, his master leaning forward, stepping down from the throne, the fiery light above seemed to lick its wicked flames around Draguanus's attire, slowly waxing in his face as it unexpectedly demonstrated a pleased glance.
"Good job."
"Huh?"
"I have to admit it. You can't do much right, but you did manage to cheer me up."
"Uhhh...really?" Chameleon didn't want to question his superior, but he was curious for elaboration. His questions were answered with the robed saurian, Wraith, soon materialized from the dark, his elongated hands encasing a hauntingly familiar vial, vacant of contents, yet surfeited with explanation.
"You drank this didn't you?"
"Well...yeah. I'm sorry, really!"
"Oh, don't worry, Chameleon. It was all part of the plan."
"Plan?"
"The plan to cheer me up!" Impatience was etching its way into the dragon's benevolence, so Chameleon immediately silenced himself. Wraith stepped forward to further elucidate.
"When you drank this, you start experiencing illusions while it is coursing through your system. Soon, it manifests into a form that while vividly colorful, is still recognizable in some way."
"It looked like the boss."
"That's one possibility."
"But, it did stuff...I mean, I saw the ducks, this...'thing' was able to make things happen."
"Actually, that was the saurian magic, supplied by myself. Your mind created the illusion and the dialogue for it...well except for the part about you being the only one able to see it."
"You mean to tell me you and the boss put me through this without telling me?"
"Exactly."
"Well, how did you know I'd end up drinking that potion?"
"Because even though you're a peon, your curious nature is something that is easily tractable." Draguanus assumed his seat, still ambivalent in tone, but a recessive slyness had now wormed its way in. "There is one minor complication though..."
"What?"
Then it happened. Out of the darkness, a massive orange palm tightly held the desecrated remains of Calvin Klein briefs and an icily fatal glance was outlined in the beam of light. Chameleon gulped and backed up slowly, grimacing when Siege took an extended step into the full spotlight, looking prepared to extirpate something.
"You are one dead little lizard..."
"Eep. Uh, hi Siege...may, what nice briefs you have! Bye!" Chameleon quickly took off, running at full speed, screeching down the hall as the heavy footsteps of the orange saurian took off after him, promising death.
"Things are truly back to normal Wraith."
"It appears so, Lord Draguanus. Have you created another plan to destroy the ducks?"
"I may have something up my sleeve."
"Something big and mechanical, I suppose..." Wraith sunk a bit as asking, already prepped with the line about a "dismal outcome".
"No. Something simple...and magical."
"Hmmm, is that so?" rigid eyes sparked with interest at the thought of the dragon finally considering magic to fulfill his needs.
"We'll see what happens. For now, I think I'm going to watch Siege try to kill Chameleon though..." turning on the security systems and reveling in the destruction, Draguanus felt tinges of satisfaction. Even though he had yet to succeed in discomfiting the ducks, there was still more plots to be played and the continued abuse of his simplistic cohorts.
A few weeks later, the IRS building was abuzz. Nothing was more of a surprise to local citizens than seeing their heroic waterfowl all assembled in a row of chairs, waiting for their fellow teammate to finish her audit. Wildwing was whispering with Nosedive, trying to admonish him about being nicer to Mallory, especially when he wanted to "cheer her up" with a morning prank of green eggs and chilled coffee. Meanwhile, Duke was reading a magazine, Tanya was eyeballing a computer and wondering how she could improve its performance, while Grin remained in a trance, meditating on the endless quest to be further in touch with his spirit. After the hushed argument of the siblings died down and the people started to successfully suppress their compulsive staring, Mallory walked on out, an uplifted beak with an unreadable, neutral expression.
"How'd it go Mallory?" Wildwing asked, a small packet of sheets landing in his lap. Looking down at the results, the audit showed that she was absolutely flawless in her records, not even a single cent off.
"Whoa! Way to go, girly girl!" Nosedive yelled out excitedly, but was quickly shushed by the others. After all, it was an IRS lobby.
"Yikes..." Duke added in, albeit hushed.
"The chances of the government finding a report absolutely perfect is extremely meager. That's definitely an accomplishment."
"I sense your deep satisfaction, as well as our own."
"That's what the government gets for thinking they can pull one on Mallory McMallard! Let's go out...my treat."
"We got practice, remember?" Nosedive smacked his forehead, a small contingency of groans backed him up. "What? Guys, we have to keep our edge."
"Man, has everything ever been more back to normal?!" they headed back towards the Pond, Mallory in silent elation while the rest were caught up in devising hockey strategies. Little did they see that down the street, at a lone bus stop, past the assembly of cops at Dunkin Donuts discussing the crazy tape that Klegghorn had watched, stood a lonely man. Mr. Collier not only lost the one woman he desired more than anything, but he got faced with divorce papers soon after. Even Century 21 wasn't interested in keeping him on the workforce after such shoddy behavior. Just he was sulking in the morose depths of pity, a car with the pizza boy (chapter 3) whizzed by, dousing his coat with a fresh spray of water from the puddles at his feet.
"Reality bites."
THE END
(EDITOR: That's it for the story. Just a few unimportant things, in case you still feel like reading stuff.
1. This story was an experiment, not in humor as much as it was in writing style and the use of vocabulary. I was trying to conjure some words I haven't used for a while and I've also been making use of words that I've been learned over the course of the summer (writing really does convince you to expand your learning). In future stories, I think I want to keep it a little more simplistic though, since I personally like writing that way.
2. College starts in 2 weeks, and I will most assuredly be busy with classes to have much time to dedicate to writing. It was a summer hobby and one I don't care to give up completely, but anything I do in terms of fan fiction will be severely limited. However, I'll continue to visit and review new stories on the site. I've been really enjoying them, particularly the recent ones by Raphael, Dolphy, and Silver Elf Child. Great job everyone!
3. I have been planning another story to write in the future sometime. It will be a bit different from past stories. It will definitely earn a PG-13 or R rating and would be very dark overall. I hope this idea for the story has never been done before. Though, don't hold your breath and expect to see it anytime soon. Like I said, college is starting, and I want to write the entire story done first. I like to have my stories complete before I post them...unlike this one.
4. Just a reminder. I do have an AOL IM screen name for this site. My screen name is "Justsomeone12", so if you'd ever like to chat about MD or whatnot, give me a buzz!
5. Thanks to everyone who leaves reviews and reads my stories!
That's it! Good luck for those back in school/college!)