Disclaimer: Aida and all its characters (with the exception of Tauret, whom I created) belong to Elton John, Disney, Hyperion Theatricals, etc.
Author's notes at end
Aida couldn't sleep that night. She blamed it on the moon; full moon nights had never been good luck for her. Dear Isis, too bright for a person to sleep.
It was strange, though. She had woken early that morning, and had worked hard the entire day. She had even excused herself early from the court to spend some time by herself, but all that had led to was lying in bed for several hours. Eventually Tauret came in, and Aida was forced to shut her eyes and feign sleep. But even after another hour, she still lay restlessly until the last lights in Kaitah had been blown out.
Finally, she gave up. Donning a simple robe and slipping on a pair of sandals, she creaked open the door.
"Aida?" Tauret's muffled voice asked.
"I'm just going for a walk," Aida reassured her sister.
Tauret rolled over to her side and opened her eyes. She had been trained in stealth just as much as Aida had, but sometimes when her sister became wrapped in her studies Aida forgot how acute Tauret's senses were. "Promise me you won't wander too far."
"I won't," Aida promised, thinking guiltily about her plans to see the downstream Nile again.
"I mean it, Aida," Tauret mumbled. "I can't lose you again."
"You worry too much," Aida laughed. Tauret let out a sigh, rolled over again, and closed her eyes.
When she had exited her family's hut, Aida immediately regretted her conversation with her sister. For one, she was probably right. It wasn't safe. But since Aida's common sense never seemed to do her much good lately, Tauret had laid out the next, more effective level: guilt. Well, it was probably better.
Aida crossed her arms against her chest and slowed down her pace. She was going nowhere, so there was no rush. How pointless, Aida thought.
After a while, she reached the last hut of the village. Only a few feet away was one of her favorite trees. Technically, she wouldn't be leaving the village. For a moment she was conscious of the dirt that would get on her robe, but quickly let go of the concern. For the first time since she had returned home, she was truly alone. It felt surprisingly good.
Aida glanced back at her family's hut. "Hut" was a poor word to describe it, for it was the biggest building in Kaitah and the best made. The courtyard made it even bigger. Even still, for royalty, they lived like normal people. Unlike Egypt, where Amneris had an entire wing of the palace to herself, Aida had to share a room with her sister. Her father insisted that she work as well as study so that she would know her people, even if she was worshipped by them. True, there were some handmaidens and servants in the palace, but there few enough that Aida knew them like the rest of her family.
She wasn't ready to go to sleep yet, even if she knew she'd pay for it with her exhaustion tomorrow. She turned away from the hut, so meager in comparison to Amneris' palace.
Amneris. Unlike other words, this one had no immediate reaction in her mind. She just allowed herself to think it. No, that wasn't right, she was Egyptian. When they plundered Nubian villages and stole holy objects, Amneris used them for jewelry. Aida had never seen her cry a single tear for her people's blood. She was Egyptian. So why don't I feel such hatred for her? Aida wondered. She was royalty, even more connected to the throne that had plundered her people than Radames.
Aida shook her head. No, Amneris was innocent, somehow. She had nothing to do with this. She was just a scared and lonely girl caught up in a whirlwind. Amneris was more like her than even the Nubians. She knew what it was like to have to be a goddess, and how it was so hard to know the difference between idolization and love. Aida smiled sadly. She'd wanted to tell Amneris the truth so many times, even before everything began to go wrong. If they'd just had the opportunity to talk...
She sighed angrily. Right, of course, so we could help each other with love. I took even that away from her. Gods, she could only hope Amneris would never find out. She knew she could never return to Egypt if just because she couldn't face her friend.
Aida was vaguely aware of a sound nearby. Just your imagination, she told herself.
No, a branch had definitely moved. She swallowed her fear, trying to remember Tauret's advice to stay rational in times like these. Her only advantage now might be not showing that she was aware of an intruder's presence. She moved her hand slowly down her side until it grasped her knife. It wouldn't work as well as a sword, but it would have to do.
Silently, she stepped a few paces away and crouched down to her knees. Yes, she could someone in the distance. It's just a sentry, she told herself. They need to be quiet too. No, that was close to what she had said that day by the river when the men who just looked like sailors turned out to be soldiers.
Aida couldn't see the figure's face, but he or she definitely was not a sentry. Sentries always wore dark colors, unlike the brighter shades that the stranger wore.
Bright colors. Egyptian colors. Aida's heart rose for a moment before sinking back down into fear. No, the hair was dark, unlike Radames' blond locks. She cautiously took a couple of steps forward. Gods, this could be an entire army waiting to ambush them.
She was only a few feet away, and still unable to see the face. Do it now, she told herself. Taking a deep breath, Aida sprang up to attack the figure. She managed to get her elbow and the knife around his neck, but he was struggling. Moonlight fell on his face.
"Aieeee!" yelled Mereb. "Gods, what are you doing?"
Aida stared down at Mereb dumbfounded. "You're to tell me you're not an intruder?" she asked.
Mereb was shaking as he got to his feet. "As far as I know, Princess."
"But...those colors are..."
"The only clothes I have at the moment," Mereb reminded her.
Aida let out a sigh as she returned the knife to her belt. A grin crept up her face. "I'm sorry. So I guess I don't have to murder you after all. And it's Aida."
"Ah, but we're back in Nubia," Mereb answered, easing noticeably. "That would be impolite. I do know some protocol, Princess."
"Aida," she insisted again. "Please, Mereb, I need someone to treat me like a person."
"But I-" Mereb started.
Aida placed a hand on his shoulder. "Please. I need you as my friend more than I need you to be polite."
Mereb nodded. "Of course...Aida. So what are you doing outside so late? I thought you were tired tonight."
Aida shrugged, bringing her hand back to her side. "I was," she lied. "But I awoke not too long ago and haven't been able to sleep since. I figured any other sane person would be asleep. And yourself?"
Mereb was staring intently at the stars now. "I couldn't sleep. Can you see the Torch of Kaifen?" he asked.
Aida nodded. "That's my favorite star."
Mereb laughed. "It might sound foolish, but I didn't think it existed here. It's supposed to guide you home..." He shrugged his shoulders. "And here I am."
"The stars are strange things," Aida reminded him. "My mother told me that even the gods can't control them." How long ago had it been since she had looked at the stars? Aida wondered. No, don't think of the memories, don't think, that's over-
"It's...hard, you know," Mereb suddenly said.
"What is?" Aida asked, interrupted from her daze.
"Being here," Mereb replied. Aida gave him a questioning look. "I'm not complaining, Aida. Gods, this is the best thing that happened to me."
"But then...?" Aida asked.
"That's part of it, though. Ever since I was captured, this is all I've ever wanted. But never in my wildest dreams did I think it would actually happen. And...now it has, and I'm here."
"Then what's the use of complaining?" Aida asked with a grin. "The gods aren't known to smile on those who whine."
"Because now I have to deal with being here. I've always been Nubian, but I don't know this place at all. Everyone seems to remember the time I ran off with an entire sack of wheat, or how my father was a great warrior, but I hardly recognize anything. And they all tell me about how my father wanted me to be a scholar so badly-Aida, did you know I can't read?"
She shook her head. Somehow, she had never thought about it. She herself had studied the writings of several cultures, as had many of her countrymen. But that never came until a later age, and Mereb had been kidnapped when he was so young... "No."
"They didn't exactly teach Nubian in Egypt. I've met with some of my childhood friends who know so much or can fight so well, but I know I can never be as great as them-"
"Yes you can," Aida insisted, taking his hand. "You're Mereb...of course you can."
Her friend shook his head. "Everything is fine right now, and they're all still overjoyed to see Nekhen's Son, but what happens when they get used to me and I just become Mereb? What is there for me, Aida?" He pulled his hand away.
Her expression turned bitter. "The boat we sailed in is still here. If you'd like, we can go northward. I'm sure that slaves are still in demand."
Mereb stood still, taking in her words. Gods, Aida thought. He really does believe it. Her expression softened. She had spent not much more than a week as a slave, and doing much easier work than that of her countrymen in the copper mines. But even in that amount of time she could remember the way it felt to always be told that you were nothing. Gods, after a while, a person could even begin to believe it. No wonder Mereb was so loyal, Aida realized. Nubia was all he had left.
"But you really shouldn't," she said. "Knowledge can always be learned, but physical things can't be replaced. Nubia would lose something invaluable."
"The boat?" Mereb asked. Aida stared at him. He couldn't be serious-all at once, he cracked a smile. He bent over in laughter. Soon after, Aida joined him, and eventually they both fell to the ground, sprawled out underneath the stars. See? she told herself. It had been worth it, if just to see that goofy grin on his face.
"I just want something that's mine," Mereb said once he had begun to recover. He was still reeling with the aftershocks of laughter, but Aida knew he had become serious again. "And I don't just mean possessions, although the pomegranates here are amazing."
"What, then?" Aida asked, turning her head so she could see his face.
Mereb shrugged. "Something, I guess." He shook his head and got back onto his feet. "I'm going to try to sleep, Aida. Thank you."
"Sweet dreams, Mereb," Aida called out from the ground. She had to admit, she felt a lot better now. Gods, what would her life be without him?
This would be so much easier, Aida thought with a sigh. Mereb was kind, and a good man. She could honestly say that she loved him. With his new status as a noble, it would permissible, and good for both of their families. But life was never easy.
Aida's gaze returned to the sky until she too found the Torch of Kaifen. She hadn't thought about it when Mereb said the words, but the Torch of Kaifen would always be there. Not just as a star, but as a guide. Because no matter how close you got to what you wanted, there was always a place, a person that was closer to home.
Aida sat up slightly to stretch an itch on her arms. A sensation moved across her neck, gliding slowly downwards. Aida put a hand to a neck, before realizing it was gone. The amulet. Radames' amulet. Egyptian. Panicked, she felt her hands quickly all over her neck. Gone, gone gone...
She jumped to her feet, giving out a small cry of fear as she did so. What if someone else found it, what if someone saw-?
Aida spared a quick look towards Kaitah. No one was awake, of course, and the sentries would be patrolling far away from here. Even if broad daylight, no one would notice the amulet in the grasses, it was brownish in color and would blend in with the autumn plain, it had to, it had to-
Calm down! The rational side of her mind ordered. The feeling around her neck must have been the amulet falling off. It couldn't be more than a few feet away. Aida knelt down to the ground. There were no tears, but her breathing had become heavy. Where was it? What would she do if someone found it? What would she do if she couldn't find it again?
She would have sacrificed her soul at that moment for a torch. No if she returned to the hut for one, she'd lose her position, and she'd attract attention. Where was it where was it where was it? She moved her arm in frantic circles in the grass, oh gods, where was it-
Something sharp hit the middle section of her arm. Aida's breathing slowed as she reached a trembling hand to that section of grass. The edges of the object felt familiar, it had to be it, it had to-
Aida held the Eye of Horus up into the moonlight. Yes, thank the gods, yes. She allowed herself a moment to catch her breath. She hadn't actually seen the amulet for so long, with it always being tucked under her dress. Now it was as if she was looking at it for the first time.
She was suddenly aware that someone could be watching. They wouldn't be able to see what she was holding from a distance, much less its origins, but there was a sense of danger nonetheless.
The clasp must have come undone, Aida realized. She took an end in each hand brought the chain around her neck and brought the ends together. She moved a hand to tuck it in under her dress again.
Aida shook her head, feeling silly. Tauret's right, I have changed, she thought. I never used to be this impulsive. She sat down again, leaning against the tree. Now that the adrenaline had left her body, she was beginning to feel tired.
I'll just close my eyes for a moment... she thought.
Sleep consumed her in seconds.
****
A strange mist surrounded the first cataract. Aida breathed in the smell of the fog. It was so beautiful here, just like he said it would be...
The boat she was in was small, much like the one she had sailed in just a few weeks ago. But instead of the constant panic and stress of her escape, calm filled her heart here.
"I told you it would be beautiful," Radames said from the opposite side of the boat. Aida looked towards his direction. He was staring wistfully out at the countryside.
It took her a moment to shake her surprise. "I guess I should have known that I would see you here," she mumbled under her breath. Gods, he looked just the same.
Radames shrugged. "But of course. You can't escape me so easily, Aida." He leaned in and brushed his fingers through her hair. Normally his touch was comforting, joyous, but now she could feel tension in his touch and traces of anger in his voice. He nocked his head towards her ear and whispered. "I can't escape you."
Aida pulled back. "This is a dream," she told herself. "You're not here, you're hundreds of miles-"
"I know," Radames interrupted. "But that doesn't change anything. You're," he placed emphasis on the first word. "-still here. And you're not waking up, are you?"
Just a dream, Aida reassured herself. Just a dream. The sky was getting darker as a cloud moved across the sun. Aida stopped the motion of the boat by clinging to a nearby branch. Beyond the trees, she could hear her countrymen working, her parents and sister conversing. Just another day for them. "I'm sorry, Radames," she said quietly. "I did what I had to do. Do you think it was easy for me?"
He raised an eyebrow. "You left quickly enough, so most likely, yes. You lied to me." He took her hand, helping her to get out of the boat. She tried to break lose, but his grasp was amazingly strong. Another pull, and she was on the shore. Her people's voices sounded so close, but they were nowhere in sight. If she screamed, would anyone hear?
"Why?" Radames asked again, now gripping her remaining arm with his other hand. "Why?!"
"I didn't have any other choice!" Aida exclaimed.
"You were the one who told me that there's always a choice, Aida. All this means is that you're a coward. You betrayed me."
His grip on her tightened until it became painful. Chest heaving, Aida tried to break away again, but there was no escape. His muted traveler's clothes that he had worn on their last night transformed into the harsh red of his army uniform. "Get off of me, Egyptian," she warned.
He raised his eyebrows. "Egyptian, yes. But why so upset?" he asked in a mocking voice. "So afraid to tell your people that you were seduced by the enemy?"
Tears were clouding her eyes, starting to fall-
"Well here's a little secret, my love-that wasn't how it worked. You came on your own. And that's the real problem. You can't just go back to being Princess Aida now, can you?"
"I am," she retorted defiantly. "You were a mistake, and mistakes can be undone. I'm past you." Smiling cruelly, Radames raised the Eye of Horus from underneath her dress.
"Don't, someone will see!" Aida screamed. Radames released his hold on the amulet and let it fall against her chest. Aida cried out in pain. The metal was amazingly hot. She tried to move either one of her hands to get it off of her, but Radames still held them tight.
"That's the real reason why nothing feels right any more. Tauret is right, my dear, you have changed. Your father already knows it. It's just going to be a matter of time before the rest of them figure out that you're not the Aida that's so precious to them."
The pain on her chest was becoming unbearable. Gods, why couldn't she move? Radames released a hand. He placed his fingers against the burning amulet and pressed it into her skin. She screamed again.
"You think this is pain?" he asked angrily. "You have no idea what pain is. You don't feel anything, Aida that's the problem. You think you're so passionate about what you do? It's just whatever is convenient, and then you move on."
"No, I...I...no..."
"You loved me?" Radames whispered in her ear. "Why are you so afraid to say it?" He turned his head towards the direction of the Nubian field. "Look what I have here!" he yelled. "A traitor!" People were beginning to appear from behind the trees, were coming closer-
Oh no, what if someone saw? With her free hand, Aida grabbed the amulet's chain. She yelled out in pain again. With her touch, the amulet got even hotter. The burning spread to the chain as well. She immediately reeled back her hand.
"Interesting piece of jewelry," Mereb said angrily, coming into view. "Traitor."
"I knew you had changed," said Tauret.
"Traitor!"
"Traitor!"
"You're no daughter of mine..." whispered her father.
"No!" Aida screamed. She dropped to her knees. Radames bent down with her, not stopping the pressure on the amulet. "It's not true, it's not real!" she cried out. "I'm not doing it any more, so what does it matter?" She smiled desperately. "I feel nothing for him any more, I'm your princess! I'm your Aida!"
Radames pressed the amulet harder into her skin. Soon she would lose consciousness-no; this was a dream, she couldn't- Isis let me wake up, she begged.
"Traitor!" yelled her mother.
"It doesn't go away..." Radames taunted.
Everything was starting to become blurry. If she couldn't lose consciousness, then what would happen when it became too much to bear? She'd heard of people whose nightmares were so real that they inflicted the imaginary pain upon themselves...oh gods, this was the end-
Without warning, Radames gave out a moan of pain and let go of her arm. The amulet dropped, shattering on the ground. The voices of the Nubians slowly disappeared, until they were a whisper, then completely gone. All that was left was herself and Radames. His eyes became deathly pale. "Why...?" he asked, before falling to the ground, a knife in his back. Aida looked up at her rescuer, pulling the knife out of Radames' back.
Another Radames smiled sadly, looking down at first at Aida and then his double. He was dressed in simple commoner clothes. "I don't have much honor, but torturing an innocent woman is beyond even me. At least I thought."
Aida looked down at the broken amulet. Finally, her tears had stopped. "I'm...sorry, I know you liked it."
Radames shrugged. "It's just jewelry." He offered a hand, which Aida soon accepted.
"I never liked dreams," she admitted.
"Neither do I." The anger that was in his double's eyes wasn't present in this Radames, but the hurt was still there.
"Thank you," Aida said after a moment. This Radames wasn't real either, but there was something closer to the truth here.
Sighing, Radames wrapped his arms around her from the back. His touch was soft now and comforting. Aida breathed in his smell-slowly at first, and then taking it in. So good...
"I didn't want it to be this way," she whispered, leaning back against him. "I wish you could know that." Sunlight began to screen through the cracks in the clouds.
He gave no response. Aida turned around, looking into his eyes for a moment. The sadness embedded in them wouldn't disappear. She ran a hand over his face. Radames clasped it under his own gently.
Finally, Radames leaned in to kiss her. Surprisingly, she found no resistance from inside herself. Tears threatened to spring into her eyes as their mouths met. How could she have forgotten what it felt like? Radames lifted a hand up towards her face, caressing her cheek.
Aida opened her mouth to speak. "I lov-"
****
No! Aida thought as the dream escaped her. She was back, and he was gone. Gone, gone, gone, with nothing but the cold night to welcome her back into reality. Finally, she allowed herself to cry. Long, hot, tears sprawled down her face. "No..." she whispered. She had been so close again, and now-
Somehow, she managed to make her way back to her own quarters. The stars held no comfort for her now. When Aida slid into bed she turned on her side, so that Tauret wouldn't hear her sobbing. "No, no, no..."
Gods, her mind was crueler than she thought. She had been so close. It hadn't been real, but somehow her body felt like it had just left his embrace. She hadn't allowed herself to think about it, to think about him for so long now. Something within her had felt so complete a moment ago, and now it was gone. It wasn't right, but she wanted it back so badly...
"I..." she whispered, trying to remember the warmth. "I...love you."
Aida froze as soon as she said the words, as if they hadn't come from her own mouth. She hadn't meant to think them, let alone say them, but they came out of her none the less. And...they weren't a lie, either.
There was only silence in her room. She expected something to happen, whether for Isis to come down from the Heavens and slay her on the spot, or for a contingent of guards to burst into the room screaming "Traitor!", or for her heart to burst open.
But nothing happened. Aida's tears stopped with new realization. "I love you," she repeated again.
So nothing had changed after all. She was still in love.
****
Sorry this took so long (my computer caught a virus, and I didn't get any work done for a while). Please please please please please review...thoughts and criticism are really appreciated and help me to move along. I'll umm...give you a cookie. Actually, I can't, because I just ate the last cookie, but I do have ice cream. So um...I'll give you ice cream. Please review!
One more section of One More Longing Backwards Glance (which was originally all one chapter, but I decided to spread it out), and then onto what Radames and Amneris are doing.