Chapter 1: Jonathan
I feel like a blind man who's suddenly regained his sight. I watch Clark talk to Lex Luthor over the rim of my coffee mug. I can see all the little signs I missed before. I see the wary way Clark glances in my direction every few minutes checking that I'm not going to attack his friend and the resigned look in Lex's eyes when he happens to look my way. I see the tense set to Martha's shoulders and the way that Lex's face lights up whenever she smiles at him. I feel my heart ache as I recognize the yearning for love and attention in his eyes. I wonder what sort of trouble, what outrageous things that he has done to try and gain his father's attention. I remember some of my more disastrous escapades. They were all I cry for the attention of a father too busy with the farm too concerned with keeping his land to pay much attention to his own son. In all of the times that Lex has come over to our house I've never said hello. I've never treated Lex as though he were Clark's friend. I've pretty much ignored him. I haven't said anything this morning either, not for the same reasons as before. Now I stay silent because I don't know what to say. It has only been a few moments since Lex arrived but finally I realize it will be a lot harder to say anything if I keep quiet much longer.
I try to come up with something in my head that will make all of my slights and insults disappear. Nothing comes to mind. I settle for a simple, "Hello Lex," instead. Immediately Clark shifts position subtlety. I'd be surprised if he realized he was doing it. I know a lot about body language from my years as a football player and I can see what Clark's doing even if he doesn't. He's changed his positioning so he can easily protect Lex if it comes to a fight. I can also see that Lex has moved into a position where he can easily back up Clark, protecting the protector. His eyes are wary prepared for an attack and I can feel my heart ach for him. It hurts but I know I have to take this slow. Too much at once and both boys will be running for cover. Lex is like a skittish colt, so eager for love but afraid of being ridden. I can't rush this. God it hurts to know I can't just tell him I was wrong. That I was all-wrong and that I hate the way I've treated him. That he isn't evil just because his name is Luthor, I don't hate him, I respect him for what he did to save those kids. I can't say any of it. Lex has been hurt too badly for him to believe just words and I can't say as I blame him. I almost sigh but was able to keep that obvious sign of frustration from escaping. "Clark you can have the afternoon off to goof off with Lex." The smile that lit Clark's face was so bright that for a moment I thought I'd go blind but Lex kept his wary expression. Martha looked quizzically at me as Clark dragged Lex out the door. I shook my head. I don't want to answer her questions right now though I know she'll drag it out of me eventually.
I bring the paper up pretending to read it but I'm not seeing the words. Instead I'm seeing the look on Lex's face last night. The one he wore when he was determined to save my son. If he was willing to risk his life for Clark's and all those other kids than I can certainly risk my pride to show him his life isn't already pre-packaged. His fate hasn't been set in stone and I'm sure with a little love and friendship that the curse of the Luthor's can be kept away. Another image floats to the surface, the cold uncaring expression on Lionel Luthor's face. The consequences if I failed would not one be the ruin of a basically good human being but it would be letting that bastard win. I could tell that Lex was just a game piece to him, something easily replaced, and something he wouldn't think twice about sacrificing to save his own ass. If Lionel Luthor wanted to play games with his son's life I was determined to make sure that it was a game that self- serving ass lost.
I feel like a blind man who's suddenly regained his sight. I watch Clark talk to Lex Luthor over the rim of my coffee mug. I can see all the little signs I missed before. I see the wary way Clark glances in my direction every few minutes checking that I'm not going to attack his friend and the resigned look in Lex's eyes when he happens to look my way. I see the tense set to Martha's shoulders and the way that Lex's face lights up whenever she smiles at him. I feel my heart ache as I recognize the yearning for love and attention in his eyes. I wonder what sort of trouble, what outrageous things that he has done to try and gain his father's attention. I remember some of my more disastrous escapades. They were all I cry for the attention of a father too busy with the farm too concerned with keeping his land to pay much attention to his own son. In all of the times that Lex has come over to our house I've never said hello. I've never treated Lex as though he were Clark's friend. I've pretty much ignored him. I haven't said anything this morning either, not for the same reasons as before. Now I stay silent because I don't know what to say. It has only been a few moments since Lex arrived but finally I realize it will be a lot harder to say anything if I keep quiet much longer.
I try to come up with something in my head that will make all of my slights and insults disappear. Nothing comes to mind. I settle for a simple, "Hello Lex," instead. Immediately Clark shifts position subtlety. I'd be surprised if he realized he was doing it. I know a lot about body language from my years as a football player and I can see what Clark's doing even if he doesn't. He's changed his positioning so he can easily protect Lex if it comes to a fight. I can also see that Lex has moved into a position where he can easily back up Clark, protecting the protector. His eyes are wary prepared for an attack and I can feel my heart ach for him. It hurts but I know I have to take this slow. Too much at once and both boys will be running for cover. Lex is like a skittish colt, so eager for love but afraid of being ridden. I can't rush this. God it hurts to know I can't just tell him I was wrong. That I was all-wrong and that I hate the way I've treated him. That he isn't evil just because his name is Luthor, I don't hate him, I respect him for what he did to save those kids. I can't say any of it. Lex has been hurt too badly for him to believe just words and I can't say as I blame him. I almost sigh but was able to keep that obvious sign of frustration from escaping. "Clark you can have the afternoon off to goof off with Lex." The smile that lit Clark's face was so bright that for a moment I thought I'd go blind but Lex kept his wary expression. Martha looked quizzically at me as Clark dragged Lex out the door. I shook my head. I don't want to answer her questions right now though I know she'll drag it out of me eventually.
I bring the paper up pretending to read it but I'm not seeing the words. Instead I'm seeing the look on Lex's face last night. The one he wore when he was determined to save my son. If he was willing to risk his life for Clark's and all those other kids than I can certainly risk my pride to show him his life isn't already pre-packaged. His fate hasn't been set in stone and I'm sure with a little love and friendship that the curse of the Luthor's can be kept away. Another image floats to the surface, the cold uncaring expression on Lionel Luthor's face. The consequences if I failed would not one be the ruin of a basically good human being but it would be letting that bastard win. I could tell that Lex was just a game piece to him, something easily replaced, and something he wouldn't think twice about sacrificing to save his own ass. If Lionel Luthor wanted to play games with his son's life I was determined to make sure that it was a game that self- serving ass lost.