Chapter 5: Jonathan
For a while there I thought he was going to turn around and make a break for it. He looked scared, confused, and vulnerable. Very unlike the cool cultured man everyone usually sees. I wonder how many people are doped by that jaded mask. I know I was. Now that the mask lay broken on the floor I realized I was right. I had been judging him by the sins of his father. This wasn't a cruel and ruthless business man standing before me but a hurt young man trying to keep from getting hurt worse. His eyes held the look of an abused dog. Wanting so badly to be loved but scared that every giving hand was going to smack him. My tentative overture of friendship was being grasped like a drowning man would grasp a lifesaver and I found I didn't know what to say. I had to spill the beans but I was at a loss of how to go about it. Lex moved to sit at the counter and I suddenly comprehend that this was just another way I'd insulted him. He'd never sat at our table. It was a subtle way of saying "You don't belong". Only now I wanted Lex to fell he belonged. I wanted him right here where I could heal his hurt. Hurt I and others like me had caused. I grabbed his elbow intending to maneuver him over to the table. I saw him flinch at my touch and felt another wave of revulsion for Lionel Luthor. I would happily shot that man. I smiled to show him I meant no harm then let him go and pointed to the table.
"Go ahead and sit son. I'm going to get us something to drink." I saw his eyes widen and cursed myself. I was going too fast. My protective instincts were at me to hug him and hold on til he knew he was capable of being loved but he wasn't Clark. He wasn't used to comforting gestures as the last few moments had shown. Trying to lighten the mood I said, "We've got everything but water at the moment." I turned to the fridge and started rummaging around. I heard a chair scrape against the floor and a quiet thud as Lex sat. "We've cranberry juice in here somewhere." I shied away from the milk. Too many memories.
"I came to talk to you." Lex sounded hallow like he was talking from a far way away I stiffened but didn't turn around.
"Yes." I made some noise moving things around so it didn't seem like I was hanging on his every word like I was.
"I wanted to know. why?" I barely heard the question. It was so quiet. I felt my heart shudder. He sounded so wistful like nothing like this had ever happened to him before. Memories of Clark and I goofing off flashed through my mind. I really want to kill Lionel now.
I stood there bent over for a moment then grabbed the milk with my grubby hands. It was good for revelations. I knew from experience. I placed it on the counter then started searching through the cabinets for glasses. Still not facing him I began. "My father was a bigot. He thought blacks were lazy useless people just because of who they happened to be born of." It hurt me to talk about it. I had loved my father for all his faults. "There was a black boy on the football team when I was Clark's age. Not listening to my father I gave him a chance. He became one of my best friends. Every time he'd come around my father would give him a hard time. It made me feel a lot like Clark must feel now." I turned around and handed him a glass of milk. He took it not really knowing what he was doing. I sat down across from him. "You are not like your father simply because you share the same genes and name. I've been acting far too much like my father for my liking. But I don't have to and don't want to. Just like my father still thought Tom was lazy even when he ran more yards than anyone else I kept seeing you a villain no matter what the evidence said. With what happened at the factory I couldn't keep fooling myself. Prejudice against blacks is something I've fought all my life I'm not about to let another type get me. Instead of assuming you must be like your father I'd very much like to find out what you are like. I'm deeply sorry for the way I've treated you. I want to start over." I took a deep breath at the end of my speech. It was up to Lex now.
For a while there I thought he was going to turn around and make a break for it. He looked scared, confused, and vulnerable. Very unlike the cool cultured man everyone usually sees. I wonder how many people are doped by that jaded mask. I know I was. Now that the mask lay broken on the floor I realized I was right. I had been judging him by the sins of his father. This wasn't a cruel and ruthless business man standing before me but a hurt young man trying to keep from getting hurt worse. His eyes held the look of an abused dog. Wanting so badly to be loved but scared that every giving hand was going to smack him. My tentative overture of friendship was being grasped like a drowning man would grasp a lifesaver and I found I didn't know what to say. I had to spill the beans but I was at a loss of how to go about it. Lex moved to sit at the counter and I suddenly comprehend that this was just another way I'd insulted him. He'd never sat at our table. It was a subtle way of saying "You don't belong". Only now I wanted Lex to fell he belonged. I wanted him right here where I could heal his hurt. Hurt I and others like me had caused. I grabbed his elbow intending to maneuver him over to the table. I saw him flinch at my touch and felt another wave of revulsion for Lionel Luthor. I would happily shot that man. I smiled to show him I meant no harm then let him go and pointed to the table.
"Go ahead and sit son. I'm going to get us something to drink." I saw his eyes widen and cursed myself. I was going too fast. My protective instincts were at me to hug him and hold on til he knew he was capable of being loved but he wasn't Clark. He wasn't used to comforting gestures as the last few moments had shown. Trying to lighten the mood I said, "We've got everything but water at the moment." I turned to the fridge and started rummaging around. I heard a chair scrape against the floor and a quiet thud as Lex sat. "We've cranberry juice in here somewhere." I shied away from the milk. Too many memories.
"I came to talk to you." Lex sounded hallow like he was talking from a far way away I stiffened but didn't turn around.
"Yes." I made some noise moving things around so it didn't seem like I was hanging on his every word like I was.
"I wanted to know. why?" I barely heard the question. It was so quiet. I felt my heart shudder. He sounded so wistful like nothing like this had ever happened to him before. Memories of Clark and I goofing off flashed through my mind. I really want to kill Lionel now.
I stood there bent over for a moment then grabbed the milk with my grubby hands. It was good for revelations. I knew from experience. I placed it on the counter then started searching through the cabinets for glasses. Still not facing him I began. "My father was a bigot. He thought blacks were lazy useless people just because of who they happened to be born of." It hurt me to talk about it. I had loved my father for all his faults. "There was a black boy on the football team when I was Clark's age. Not listening to my father I gave him a chance. He became one of my best friends. Every time he'd come around my father would give him a hard time. It made me feel a lot like Clark must feel now." I turned around and handed him a glass of milk. He took it not really knowing what he was doing. I sat down across from him. "You are not like your father simply because you share the same genes and name. I've been acting far too much like my father for my liking. But I don't have to and don't want to. Just like my father still thought Tom was lazy even when he ran more yards than anyone else I kept seeing you a villain no matter what the evidence said. With what happened at the factory I couldn't keep fooling myself. Prejudice against blacks is something I've fought all my life I'm not about to let another type get me. Instead of assuming you must be like your father I'd very much like to find out what you are like. I'm deeply sorry for the way I've treated you. I want to start over." I took a deep breath at the end of my speech. It was up to Lex now.