Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. I also don't own the song by Bif Naked. Lovely song.

Thanks for the reviews. I'm really glad I got such a response. Please leave me more of them because I'm tyring a different type of writing style than I normally do ^^

Remorseful Pride
Chapter 2: Lucky

The death of my bass guitar was like the death of me. Imagine losing your soul mate in such a way. That was like losing Taichi, only so much worse.

I cannot remember what happened after that. Perhaps Taichi had brought me inside and rushed out the door to retrieve my broken instrument, my broken heart. Assuming that did happen, he had brought it upstairs and I sat numbly, staring at it. For what seemed to be hours, I simply stared at my beautiful bass. Everything I believed in, everything I valued––gone in an instant.

My haze was broken once Taichi had spoke. I'm willing to gamble everything I own to the fact that he wish he had never come home early from work.

I'm so sorry, Yamato, he whispered, kneeling in front of me and clasping his hands around my own.

He held his breath as silence had taken place, shivering ever so slightly every few seconds. My head was a jumble of thoughts, ranging from the emotions caused by my broken bass to the thought of killing Taichi for revenge.

You're sorry?

He nodded feebly, clasping my hands tighter with his own. Please Yamato, let's just talk about this.

Let's just talk about this, I mocked in a sarcastic tone. Why don't we put on a kettle of water and talk calmly over tea and biscuits?

Yama, please, he whispered.

Yama, please, I mocked yet again, snarling. My voice was used in its whiny state, as if teasing Taichi would take me out of this phase. It wouldn't. It only made things worse.

I'm sorry! What do you expect me to say? he cried out, his face falling into the crook of my elbow.

Flinging his head upwards, I stood upright and began beating upon my lover. Beating. Never in my life did I ever think I would do such a thing, but oh, did I ever. His face was covered in light bruises by the time I finished, and his left eye swollen to its maximum. I was so angry for everything, shouting obscene things at my poor lover. He had taken everything like a gentlemen could, leaving me to deal with my guilt after the entire ordeal. Everything had ended with continuous shouting from me, which followed his leaving of the house. It hadn't been in bitter rage, but pure tears running down his face.

I love my bass guitar more than you, I recall saying, my fist making a contact with his shoulder.

He hardly whimpered as this occurred and never said a thing back. Instead, he curled into a ball whilst I continued the screaming. My poor neighbors; they must have thought I was killing him.

Do you hear me, Yagami Taichi?! You're a good lover and I care for you, but you breaking my guitar was like killing me! You cold hearted murderer! I trusted you to understand, but now all you care about is sex and your fucking dinner!

That isn't true, Yamato! How dare you assume that about me! Taichi cried out, tears spilling down his precious face. The face I always loved so dearly, but at that moment, the face was evil, a demon sent from Hell to destroy my bass guitar. I do everything for you and all you give a damn about is your bass! I know that it means of something great to you, but there's more to life than that! There Takeru, there's me––your lover, your soul mate. I love you so much.

I don't know if I'm in love with you anymore!

The words came out in a harsh jumbled scream. The sob that had escaped my beloved Taichi was even more heart breaking. Even then, I had felt a touch of remorse flow through my veins. Although, it wasn't enough to say, I'm sorry, and run into his arms saying it was not his fault for the breaking of my beautiful bass. It wasn't enough to say I was in love with him and knew I always would be. If only I did have that remorse to take the actions.

A moment later, he burst into a fresh set of tears and banged a hand against the floor. Damn you, Ishida. Damn you.

Damn me? The words flew through my head endlessly, until I felt as if I were to scream once again. It is because of that, that I did break out into a fresh round of yelling. I'm surprised, when I think about it, that my mouth hadn't run dry or croaked when I began screaming again. It wasn't even words this time, just bitter screaming and cries from deep within my gut. Never in my life did I think I was capable of throwing things like I did with pillows, pop cans, a plate or two––anything I could get my milky hands on.

Stop it! Taichi cried out, ducking as one of our coffee mugs flew over his head and shattered with a dirty mess against the wall. The coffee would most likely stain if I didn't clean it soon, but obviously I wasn't in the mood caring for trivial things such as that.

You broke my bass!

You're breaking my heart seeing that you care for that thing more than me!

Those were Taichi's last words as he fled the flat. Haven't seen him much since. Only once because of him collecting his stuff with the help of Koushiro. At that point, it had only been a week since the argument had occurred, not leaving me with enough time to have the insights I have now.

It had taken months for me to reach where I am now: filled with remorse and the emotions that come with losing your two loves in one day. Technically, I still have one of them. My broken-to-pieces guitar sat in the bedroom Taichi and I used to share. For the first few weeks after our unofficial break up, I could not enter that room at all. Not even to change. I made Takeru come over and collect my needed possessions out of the room so that I could live in the living room. Of course, he had called me a drama queen and said that I shouldn't be such a . Who calls people a boob? It sounded rather stupid to me, which earned him a booting from my apartment.

Mine. It was no longer in the context of Taichi and I sharing it. The thought caused me to frown for over a period of months, and I continue to frown to this very day.

Taichi would be proud of me now. I know he would. The selfishness I carried for my bass guitar is gone. I hadn't had a clue of what Taichi talked about on the day of our breakup––didn't understand what was so wrong about placing my guitar above my lover and the rest of the world. Now, I see something completely different; a different perspective. It isn't wrong to love my bass guitar and treasure it, but I can't allow it to run my life and cease the authenticity of human emotion, such of as my brother or Taichi's.

Only, it is too late to tell Taichi all of this, to tell him I understand now. He lives not too far away from me, in a complex with his new boyfriend. A new boyfriend. I think the name of him is Takumi. They began dating three months ago, and Taichi moved in with him from his parents home. Hikari had told Takeru this, who, of course, told me. It hurt like no pain entered before. More than when I had lost my virginity, than my losing my kitten to death. It even hurt more than––do I dare say it? My bass guitar. The death of my beloved instrument. It hurt more than all of those combined. I never thought it could overcome that, but it has.

The fact that I cannot tell Taichi of my discoveries hurts just as much as the thought of him fucking another man. I want to tell him everything. Takeru happened to tell me a secret he wasn't supposed to. It turns out that Taichi is still in love me. Takeru had asked one day why I couldn't take him back, why I couldn't apologize and work on our relationship. I still wasn't so sure of everything at that point, but I still have those feelings as I did now.

Sometimes, there's this demon that takes over and I can't force myself to knock on Taichi's apartment and tell him how I feel.

What kind of demon? Takeru had asked, seeming a tad nervous. He probably heard about my chucking of items at Taichi and thought I was psychotic. Maybe I was.



he repeated.

I said. Pausing for a moment, my eyes closed and I found myself engaged into memories of the Digital World. Even then, my pride was overwhelming and caused endless obstacles. It's rather odd that my pride is still dominant. You would think, little brother, that with the feelings I carry for Taichi and the understanding I have now, that I could actually just walk over to that whatever-his-name-is––



Takumi's apartment and call my lover back. I can't.

Why not? he asked, hands up in the air for a dramatic effect. Now who is the drama queen?

I already told you: my pride, I said, all too casually. Surprised myself, actually.

He groaned and began banging his head against the pillows of the couch he sat on. I merely watched, thinking many thoughts of my brother's similarity to me as a melodramatic. When he finished his little act, Takeru sighed and tilted his head.

Think you'll ever tell Taichi?

To this day, the question lingers in my head, eating away at the little insides I have left. It's been too long. I never answered Takeru, and I don't think he expected me to. Most likely, he proposed the question so that it would remain in mind endlessly.

A few months has passed since that day with Takeru. My life has gone forward––somewhat. Found a new job as a waiter, quit my band, and bought a new frying pan. Doesn't that sound peachy? There's this other pain that is a result of these actions, a pain that helps devour my insides, supporting the question and remorse. I haven't touched a guitar since the argument, nonetheless, played one. It's as if my hands are always itchy, having a need to strum the instrument whilst the music takes me into the clouds.

It takes little effort to stand and walk onto the platform that is my balcony, sighing in content as a soft breeze flew through my now-long blonde hair. My eyes overlooked the rugged skyline of Odaiba, wondering exactly where Taichi was at the moment. Was he at a fancy restaurant––where he used to take me––with Takumi? Or at home, alone with his bare thoughts? Perhaps thinking of me?

The phone began ringing loudly, enough to wake any child sleeping within hearing distance. Swiftly, I found its location and answered the white beast, almost cursing it for awakening me from my peaceful state.

Hey Yamato! What are you up to today?

I drag out a long sigh, hoping Takeru would catch my drift. Sweet Takeru. So naïve and ignorant. Odd that I think of him as that, when only half a year ago he was in a crisis of that co-worker faking a pregnancy. Anyway, I realize he's only trying to help me through everything, but sometimes solitude is the best for me.

Sometimes? Make that all of the time.

Want to hang out at Hikari's with me today? he asked, his voice chirping slightly. Has he not reached puberty yet? His age is nineteen. Of course he has.

Not really, I answered.

But we're renting good movies!

Such as?

A blue piece of paper caught my attention. It's scribbled with messy hand writing, crumpled at the sides. Slowly, I reach forward and pick it up, no longer listening to Takeru's whining voice as he rattled off what seemed an endless amount of movie titles. My head tilts subconsciously, for the hand writing is immediately recognized. It belonged to my beloved Taichi.

Dinner's in the oven. You'll be proud to see my vegetable casserole! Don't let it burn for me, OK?

XOXO
Taichi

Tears quickly wandered into the motion of blinking, resulting in little havens of salt water to flow down my cheeks. I remembered this night so clearly. It had been a disastrous dinner because I did forget about the casserole. Taichi was furious with me and had crumbled this very blue note in anger, saying he had told me. I never noticed the note until he mentioned it.

... Hello? Ya-ma-to! Is anyone there?

I'm here, I whisper, for the fear that Takeru would notice the cracking of my voice if I spoke any louder.

Okay, good. So I'll pick you up in fifteen?

No, I-

The receiver clicked. My younger brother actually had the nerve to hang up on me! Sighing, I wander to my bedroom to change. It may have been close to dusk, but I wasn't nearly dressed for such an event, even if it is just sitting in Hikari's living room watching movies.

In a short matter of time, Takeru had picked me up and driven quickly to Hikari's apartment. There were numerous times where I actually shouted to slow him down. Briefly I puzzled over my brother's whereabouts of picking up such a habit before the car stopped at the apartment of the Yagami's.

It's been ages, nonetheless. Ages since I have actually looked at it like I am now. Ages since I have actually been inside, which will occur once we take the elevator. I felt like Cinderella––or how she would feel––entering the Prince's castle. Everyone's eyes casting upon me as the door opened. The Prince's eyes from the back of the room, gasping as he saw me.

My beloved Taichi stood in the back of the room, eyes piecing into me. He looks up and down my body, which causes a brief period of my esteem to plummet. It is as if I'm not good enough, as if I look wrong or am holding the wrong expression.

A smile forms with his placid lips, and something washes upon me. Feelings. Emotions. Every little bit I felt for Taichi came back stronger than ever. I ached to feel the strong arms of his wrap around my fragile body. More than anything I wanted to feel those lips that were ever-so-slightly parted now, press against my own.

Suddenly, memories flooded through my mind. Memories of us laughing, of him pressed on my fragile body and stroking me ever so softly, which had always unnerved me; memories of his delicious mouth washing my body with small butterfly kisses; memories of him thrusting into my body, a deemed sign of our love.

Out of those feelings, it must have surprised the four of us that the only thing I could ask was: What is he doing here?

Remember the time we made, love in the roses?
And you took my picture in all sorts of poses
How could I ever, get over you?
When I'd give my life for yours.

End of Chapter 2

Originally this was supposed to end in this chapter, but it's longer then I meant it to. Oh well. I hope it isn't too confusing.