Lonely Tears - Written by Krissy Ishida
As the sun sudden changed due to her emotions, Ruki sat in the cool shade of a old, matured tree looking over towards the city buildings. No matter how hard she tried to make life better for her, something always came up to bring her spirits down. Leading with her back against the truck of the tree and her knees pulled up into a curled up ball, she found herself more and more in this position, maybe because it isolated and shielded her away from the troubles and tears that came from everyday life.
Why? Why Renamon didn't you come for me? Guilmon was able to pass through the digital gate. He was able to find a way to this world. Why couldn't you do that for me? I'm so alone, Renamon. Don't you know I worry about you everyday? Do you worry about me? Do you think about me? Do you still consider me as your friend? Why was Takato able to get Guilmon back? Life is so not fair. Sometimes life doesn't seem worth living. Did you know that you are the reason why I'm still alive today? Didn't you know you were my hope? But now after this day, I'm not sure I have any hope left.
Hearing sobs of sadness and misery, trying to locate the missing friend she was trying to follow, Juri stopped cold in her tracks unable to hear the sounds she was hearing. Never before have she seen Ruki displayed any emotions, especially such a strong and personal emotion, until now. She started to doubt whether Ruki was the Moon Fighter she wrote about a long time ago. Sensing the slightest moment behind her, Ruki snapped back to her old icy self glaring at the girl that decided to eavesdrop during one of her most emotional and sensitive moments.
"Daijobudesuka?" Juri shyly asked taking a seat close to her sad hearten friend.
"Nothing that may concern you," Ruki coldly answered never glancing to take a look in her friend's warm, loving eyes.
"Come on, Ruki. It's not healthy to keep things to yourself. It's me, Juri. Come on, we are both girls. You can tell me. Is it about Ryo?"
"How dare you bring up a topic like that!"
"If it's not Ryo, then it must be Renamon."
Biting her lips, Ruki used all her strong will to keep herself from sobbing in front of her friend. Sighing to herself, Juri was unable to think of anything that could help her friend at the moment. Never before she had to deal with this problem with such a stubborn and cold hearted girl. Blank and useless, tears started to flood her own eyes as she started to remember what happened to her own partner and how she couldn't feel the lost and love like Ruki.
"If it means anything to you, you aren't the only one who's best friend hasn't returned back," Juri weakly mumbled focusing her attention toward her feet trying not to let the sadness overwhelm her.
"Juri...?"
"At least Renamon could come back to you while...while...Leo...while Leo... my digimon partner will never come back."
"Oh, Juri. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. When I was younger, I used to be like you. In fact my sadness and depression caused the whole world and the digital world to almost be destroyed by the D-Reaper. I don't want to see you go through the same thing that I went through. I know what you are feeling. At least you have some hope. Guilmon was able to pass through the digital portal, I heard Jenrya speaking about seeing Terriermon sneak into his room in the middle of the night, and I'm sure, in fact I truely know, that Renamon would come back to you. Compared to the others, Renamon and you are the closest partners I have ever seen."
"Juri...?"
"Yes, Ruki."
"Leomon is still around..."
"I know and it took me a while to realize it. That's why I'm close friends with Impmon now since he carries Leomon's data with him. Although he's not around physically, he's still around mentally and in my heart. I could feel him sometimes when I'm alone and there's nothing but the wind as my company. You should try it Ruki. When you heart begins to feel alone but you have some hope with the wind blowing at your hair, you could almost faintly hear the voice of your partner calling out to you. Maybe, if you truely believe enough, if you speak into the wind, the wind would carry your voice and Renamon would answer you."
"But... I..."
"I know it may sound silly but trust me it works. I even speak to my mother that way too. You mustn't give up hope, Ruki. You're a fighter and I know that stubborn will of yours would keep fighting no matter what. After all, I didn't write a song about the great 'Moon Fighter' after you."
"Thanks Juri."
"Besides, you will always have hope when there's someone out there who is caring and shares the same hopes you have. You can always rely on Ryo..."
"Like the way you rely on Takato?"
"He was my hope when I first lost Leomon."
"Are you two girls okay?" Hirokazu asked making his way through some bushes trying to get to his two friends.
"We are just fine," Juri smiled scooting over allowing Hirokazu some space to sit.
"That's good. It's just that Ruki is so sad and alone... IT SCARES ME! Come on, Ruki, girl. Give your best shot at me. Come on, I can take it!" Hirokazu smiled standing before Ruki and pounding proudly at his chest.
Ruki turned her head away from the cocky boy.
"No response, eh? Too bad. I might just have to give you a hug then."
Letting the boy's words sink into her mind, Ruki quickly turned her head at Hirokazu with a deadly glare in her eyes. Feeling a bit frighten and less prideful, Hirokazu stood strong before her trying to embrace himself for the hit. Standing to her feet, Ruki clenched both of her hands into a fist and stared deeply into the eyes of her challenger.
"Does the offer still stand?" she asked with her face expression softening.
"Eh?" Hirokazu blinked blankly uncertain by what she meant by that.
"The hug."
"Of course. Anything to help you return to your old bitchy self."
Ruki allowed herself to be fluid by dropping her guard and no longer letting her body tense up as Hirokazu gave her a hug hoping that his actions would be able to clear up the girl's thoughts and confusion during the moment. Juri also stood up from her seat and took Ruki into her arms trying to show that Ruki wasn't alone during her whole trail and that her friends were there to help her. A small smile spread across Ruki's face as she closed her eyes to feel the warmth of her friend's love and friendship.
"Not, let's get back to that party and have some more of that great cake before Guilmon eats it all," Hirokazu suggested not letting go of his grip around the red headed girl.
"Only on one condition," Ruki grinned cunningly.
"And that is?"
"If Kenta does NOT sing."
"Sure, Red. Anything you say."
---
Walking around in the digital world with no responsibilities or dangers to hold her back, she traveled through the land without any knowing of where she was going. All she knew was that she had a place, a destiny, that was waiting ahead of her. She didn't know where she was or how she got there but she knew she was close and everything felt so right.
High above her head a full moon shone.
Pain shoot up her body as she tried to hold on to the little strength, the hope, she had left. There was no way she was going to be defeated. Failure was not an option. Preparing for the final attack with his prey in his grasps, a hurtful look shown on her face as he almost felt pity for her. That small period of wasteful pitying was the break she needed. In a blink of an eye, she was able to escape the grip of her attacker and lunged herself into the sky looking down at what used to be the predator. Drawing her arms toward her chest in her crossed pattern, she drew the rest of her strength from her heart using the love and the wisdom from her partner.
"Fox Leaf Arrowhead."
Spreading her arms, a hail storm of energy and power rained down on her opponent as it's physical body started to disintegrate to little bits of data. Falling back to the ground, weaken and tired, the yellow kitsune gasped deep breathes winning another close victory.
Unable to support her own weight with the little strength left, before falling unconscious, she whispered into the wind, "Ruki."
Hearing her partner's voice call to her from the unknown dept of the digital world, Ruki's blood ran cold as she felt pain and betrayal course through her body. Falling weak to the ground, splatters of blood were coughed up by the young girl as her partner's wounds once again became hers. Finally she was able to return to the digital world again to find her lost partner but it seems like she was too late. With tears flooding her eyes, Ruki stared off into the empty darkness of the digital world's night sky feeling not only her digimon but herself beginning to die.
"Renamon, I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"
Kneeling down to the weaken girl, strong arms picked up her fragile body holding her tightly in a warm loving hug. The warmth and love caused a positive energy flowing through her body beating with her heart healing her of all her wounds.
"Ryo..." she muttered barely able to open her eyes and see the brave boy who came to her rescue.
"Shh. You were badly wounded. You need to rest," he spoke placing a little kiss on her forehead.
"Renamon..."
"She will be okay. No matter what, Ruki. I will always look after you and protect you. I care so much about you. I love you, Ruki."
"Ryo... I... I... lov-"
Taking her hand and holding it tightly into his, Ryo placed a gentle kiss on her lips never wanting to see his dear Ruki in tears or upset ever again.
---
Waking up with a confused smile on her face, strong arms were wrapped around the red head girl. Her vision was quickly blurred as the high morning sun shone through the window. Many familiar voices can already be heard confusing the girl a bit. Rubbing her eye, Ruki finally realized the room she was in. It wasn't her usual bedroom although she was still sleeping on the floor. It was much brighter and decorated. Even her clothes were a bit smaller and cheery. A yawn swept over her as she tried to remember the wonderful dream she had the night before. Finally waking up a bit, she realized the strong arms holding her.
"Ryo...?" she sleepily asked.
"No, it's Hirokazu," he answered as a faint blush was visible on his face.
"Hirokazu?" she asked in shock trying to pull herself away from his arms.
"The others are in the family room. I heard noises coming from this room and I saw you tossing in your bed while you were asleep. I hope you didn't mind but I came over and laid beside you and hugged you. You finally stopped moving and talking. It's just something my mom used to do whenever I'm having a bad dream."
"Oh."
"You were calling for..."
"Yeah, I know."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, not really."
"I'm here if you want to talk about it."
"I know. I don't want to."
"You shouldn't keep things bottled up all the time. Ya know, we are kind of all worried about you, especially me."
"You don't have to worry about me."
"I know but it's been hard on all of us, not able to see our partners anymore. I thought I had it the hardest but I was wrong. I know what you are going through."
"You are wrong! You have no idea what I'm going through! How dare you say that! You don't wake up every morning with your eyes stained with tears and you are barely able to open them because you have been crying the night before. Just living is a burden! You barely have the will to live because nothing in your life is worth living for!"
"I'm sorry, Ruki. I'll just leave you alone. I was only trying to make you feel better. And, red, if you want something to live for, live for your friends and the people that love you. It's the only thing that's keeping me alive."
Getting up to leave, Hirokazu looked back at his friend but she never changed her angry condition not even bothering to turn to see his face. Sighing to himself, there was more he wanted to say to her but it wasn't the right time and he had the lack of courage to tell her. Even though they grew older and have a better understand of each other, Ruki was still the scariest out of the whole group. She's even more frightful when she's not acting like herself.
"Hirokazu, wait." He looked at the hand that was holding his arm back. "I didn't mean for you to leave. I'm just... I'm sorry. Please stay for a while. I don't like being alone. Ryo was always there for me..."
"Sure thing, red, anything you say. But you have to get dressed and come down to the kitchen. Everybody is waiting for you."
"Can you just wait by the door?"
"Of course, red."
Seeing her smile, almost brought tears to the boy's face as he hasn't seen her smile in years. He smiled back leaving the room and closing the door behind him. All right! I think I'm finally getting on her good side. She isn't with Ryo, right? I hope all my plans won't fall apart. She's so cute when she smiles. I just have to make an extra effort to make her smile all the time. Besides, that gloomy face reminds me of my past.
---
"Hirokazu, get off your lazy bum!"
Sitting in his room and just staring up at the ceiling, it's been a month since he last saw his partner. His bed was a totally mess as his bed sheets haven't been changed for weeks. His room smelled with a disgusting stench of sweat and tears. Haven't taken a bath in who knows when, his hair was in the worse condition yet and it stuck to his face and head. He just stared, stared up at the ceiling wearing his pajamas even though it was the middle of the day.
Just when I start to think life can actually be worth living, everything comes crashing down. I've always been the troublemaker, bragging my skills and talents trying to make myself seem more important because I'm just nothing here at home. I hate this house. Stupid parents. Plus, my father just had to go away on a business trip leaving me at home with this witch I call my mother. At least with Guardromon around, I could run away from this hell hole and live my adventures in the digital world making new friends and living how I want to live but no. I'm stuck here again where I'm constantly ignored and taken advantage of. I bet my mother doesn't even know that I'm actually passing school for once. She wouldn't care. I shouldn't care.
Getting out of his bed for the first time in weeks, Hirokazu walked over to his desk searching drawer after drawer for the item he was looking for. Taking a small silver item from hidden pouch in his desk, the blade shone against the morning sun light. Hirokazu smiled to himself as he placed the blade against his skin close to his wrist.
"'Kazu-kun!" a familiar voice called from the door.
It was too late. He can't help me now. Closing his eyes, he wished one secret wish before pressing the blade through his skin.
"'Kazu-kun!!!!"
Bursting through the door, his best friend, Kenta ran to Hirokazu grabbing his arm shocked about what his best friend was about to do. Because of Kenta's inference, Hirokazu only cut himself just below his wrist and was blood was dripping to the floor.
"I can't believe you were actually going to do that, 'Kazu-kun!" Kenta screamed wrapping the old bed sheets around Hirokazu's arm.
"There's no point in living anymore," Hirokazu answered staring off into the unknown.
"Yes, there is! Your judgment is just foggy right now. Guardromon did not die! He will return! I'm sure of it. MarineAngemon promised me and I promised him that we shall see each other again. Are you willing to break a promise with your partner? Can you live knowing that you left him down by dying?"
"I wouldn't be alive to care."
"And what about us? What will happen to us when we are gone? What will happen to Ruki? She's miles away. The news of your death wouldn't reach her in time. When she comes again one day looking for you, she would be in tears. You know and I know that both of her parents are gone! Right now, she needs all of us, okay? I need you as my friend. I can't even imagine life without you. You know how I feel about you."
"Yes, I do."
"So please, don't kill yourself. Live, 'Kazu-kun! Live for the people that love you. Please live for me."
Noticing the tears flowing from his best friend's eyes, Hirokazu just looked at Kenta not moving, breathing, or even blinking. He is crying for me. I caused his tears. Kenta is so strong and happy all the time. It's rare for him to cry. I'm sorry, Kenta.
"I'm sorry, Kenta."
"All is forgiven. Now get out of those clothes and take a shower. There's going to be a soccer game with Takato and a couple of kids from school."
"Aw man! Soccer!"
"When we win, you can brag all you want and the girls would adore you."
"YAY SOCCER!"
---
When Kenta showed me how much he loved me, all thoughts of killing myself flew out the window with all my troubles and fears. Soon, I was back to normal and whenever I was feeling down, I could always rely on Kenta smiling and showing that he cared about me. That's what I'm going to do, Ruki. I'm going to show that somebody does care about you. Someone who cares about you deeply.
...to be continued
Note: I'm sorry that it took me forever to write the second chapter of this story. I had a huge writer's block and I couldn't write anything. Plus, my friends and I started an FDD (fictional digimon and digidestined) fanfic and I'm the main person writing the first saga called the "Krissy Crisis". You can probably guess how it go it's name. Also with the FDD, I'm constantly drawing my character and her digimon. So basically I'm trying to juggle two huge fanfics with little fanfics that are just there where I'm inspired to write. I promise you, I'll try my best to finish this fanfic. That's all for now, ja ^^;