all disclaimers apply
Present or past reality, it makes no difference to me. I often find myself confused in a sort of 'identity crisis' as my past and present self blur in mind and body. Am I Kobayashi Rin? Or am I Zaites Shion? What day is this anyway? I'm gifted with genius-like intellect and I can't even figure that much out.
But I digress, I miss the moon. It may sound strange considering how many nightmarish solitary nights I spent there, but I miss what had come before. I miss my Mokuren...the strongest light to ever grace my dark heart. I even have a longing for spending long hours fixing archaic computer equipment and mowing the grasses the Mokuren had grown thanks to her cryin...err, singing. Actually I shouldn't blame her. I was partly to blame. I took delight in teasing her, riling her, making her cry. I guess I was the king of the rats on that god-forsaken moonbase. No, I can't take that title...two others share that crown alongside me. I'll accept princehood and let the other two share kingship. Who would've guessed a doctor, sworn to save lives, found a way to do the complete opposite? Or a mild-mannered gentleman whose very 'goodness' drew others into a web of furious competition and bit into a woman's heart with deadly venom? We were all rats in our own way. Geesh, that base really needed some serious pest control! I did personally dispose of one rat however. Shukaido's body is likely somewhere in the outer depths of the solar system. I wasn't going to allow his body to remain. It was the most merciful thing I had ever done. I should have ripped its heart out, impaled it upon some pole and shredded the remainder of his body in the trash compactor. But, I feared Mokuren's wrath in the next life, so I simply vanquished it from the moonbase. Yes indeed there were some very interesting, devious rats aboard that base. Ah, but did you notice I already planned on meeting Mokuren in our next life. It was all that kept me alive, insane, but alive.
This current life isn't all that bad. I'm still rather handsome despite Shukaido's eerie shadow within my looks. I'd prefer my dark, handsome image, but this one has its advantages as well. I'm still well liked by the opposite sex, eventhough I'm a one-woman man now. I have parents, I have a sister, and most of all, I have my Mokuren back in the form of Sakaguchi Alice. Oh gosh Alice, how you make my heart turn and my soul dance! I never thought I could truly love...but you've proven it to be true...twice! I've traded in my coarse engineering hands for those which can dance along the keys of a piano...to accompany my love in perfect harmony as she sings. Alice's voice rivals Mokuren's often and my strokes on the ivory keys accentuate the beauty of her voice. She's a quiet, conservative dark-haired woman. Oh wait, not all that quiet and conservative. I know exactly how to light her fire. I guess I am still a rat sometimes. But Alice has bite too. She won't hesitate to put me in my place should I do (or not do) something she asks of me. Her verbal reprimands are more hostile than a rabid cat after aforementioned stupid rat. My sarches powers do little to avert her wrath. There's just something about a kichess scorned. I can't believe that, as Shion, I was foolish enough to torment and taunt the long-haired tempest. If I knew then, what I know now, I would have thought twice about such things.
As I gaze onto her slumbering face, I see peace and contentment. I'll let her sleep. She deserves it...and I deserve what I am staying up to do. Our dear little son, who's barely a year old,seems to be be part Shion and part banshee. Alice placed cotton in her ears. I can understand why. Alice isn't stupid either. She eliminated nearly every excuse I could possibly use. I thought the breast feeding exucuse would be perfect. Nope. Alice has made extra bottles of breast milk. All I need to do is warm them up. But that is not what my dear son wants this time. I had fed him less than an hour ago. Now, it time to clean up where it went...namely back out of his system and into a now very soggy diaper.
Being a father was something Shion had never contemplated. Sex with females was a pleasurable thing and great stress relief. That was it, end of story. But, now, having my very own family, I can't believe I ever avoided such a wonderful thing! Bonding and shaping another being who looks to you for protection, support, and love was actually a part of what Shion had been searching for all his life! And now, as Rin, he has filled yet another hole in that gaping heart of his. I think it's the same for Alice. As Mokuren, a Kichess-Sarjalian, being a mother wasn't in her code, no matter how much she may have wanted it to be. It would've been a life-altering choice--keep her powers as a kichess or lose them and be banished from such to be a mother. Life can be rattish sometimes too, but we've overcome the sewer holes of our past lives to live this wonderful life above ground.
Our pride and joy...the little bundle of flesh with the large lungs and booming voice, has completed both Shion and Mokuren's ultimate desire...to be one and the same. My son is both Alice and me, Mokuren and Shion. He looks very much like me in appearance, but he has Alice's patience and generousity. He'll wail all night long until one of us gives him what he wants. The wailing part is likely Mokuren. The wanting part is definitely Shion. Once he's had enough of what he wanted, he'll offer it back to us. As curious as I am about breast milk, I have no desire to sample it. Anyone who dares change him must don face protection. The little weasel always saves just enough pee to simulate a fountain once the cap [diaper] is removed. Again, it's just his way of sharing I guess. My mother says I did something similar, so I guess Alice can blame me for that little antic. The wailing is all hers though. Perhaps our son will be a singer like his mother and double as an engineer. He's already found ways to manipulate the various child-safety mechansims on his crib, the gate, the cupboards, and so forth. He even took a toy apart and nearly put it back together again. Ah, the mind of a manipulative genius! Oh wait, what's that going to be like when he hits his teen years!? Oh gosh...it's the Kobayashi Devil unleashed! I'm going to dread those years. I know it's payback. Hopefully he'll have Alice's dependence rather than my independence. But he's a male with a bit of Shion's influence. It's hoping for too much.
Despite all his little antics and mannerisms, he's my pride and joy...Alice's too. If there were baby shows similar to dog shows, we'd be showing him off at every one of them and bragging to all the other parents about how our child stands out above theirs. His grandparents will give us some relief now and then though they offer less and less often now. Our "moonfriends" also assist us whenever they're in town, but Issei and Sakura have a family of their own. When our son is big enough, he'll be introduced to their two children. They're the next generation of us moon reincarnates. It'll be good to have them get to know one another. Someday, we'll even tell them the story of their wacked out, once alien parents. Ah, now there's one that would be great for the teen years when they're self-conscious about everything from clothes to their own parents' reputes. My adorable little terror, err, son has already inherited my old childhood name...brat. Alice will continuously remind me of this for the oh so many years to come. I know she will. She gives me that "I told you so" look regularly now.
And I must ask myself again, who am I? My temper has softened. My life simmers in contentment. My memories creep ever backward. My powers wax and wane like the moon itself. I have my past talents in engineering and computers while at the same time, I've discovered new talents with poetry and the piano. I'm also very good at sports, but as Shion, I never even tried such things. Who knows? Shion could've been an all-star athelete, but we'll never know because he never tried. But Rin Kobayashi is a pretty decent athlete. I guess this body has some advantages afterall.
I've come a long way. I was once a solitary playboy, using my looks and swauve charm to manipulate women and draw them to me. Then I used them, physically and mentally as my own personal toys. I ignored their emotional games and tossed them about like rag dolls. Some didn't even care, infatuation and lust drove them to me. My ego enjoyed the worship and my body, the brief pleasures of rapture. Okay, I admit, those feelings still exist within this current body too. Hey, I'm a guy too afterall, but now I know how to treat a lady properly.
And now, I'm a one-woman, married man with a fairly new addition to our family. I saved myself for this one woman, never dating, never once despite the temptations. Girls still swarm and take interest in me with lustful eyes. It's been this way since puberty, perhaps before so. As a boy, I used to worry and become jealous that some grown man would steal away my Alice. Now I know the situation reversed itself as I grew older. Alice confided in my recently that she felt the exact same way as I matured into adulthood. Funny, even at those ages, I felt threatened by older men. I suggested marriage nearly every month of every year until Alice finally said 'yes.' Guess she was a bit concerned about the legality of it all. Ah well, at nineteen, I was a married man. I had been proposing to her since I was twelve. Actually it was before that. But at eight years old, who took me seriously. Didn't matter though. From that age onward, I considered her my fiance regardless of if she thought the same of me.
To be honest, yet discreet...sex is better with someone you love. I now know the difference between having sex and making love. I used to laugh and mock women who said there was a difference between the two...even my own mother. Okay, I believe them. I apologize. They were right all along...as usual and I'll say nothing more on the subject. Wait, one more thing on the subject...Alice and I started up exactly where Shion and Mokuren left off. I'm glad to know neither of us has lost our "touch." Heh, if only the plants could talk! Oh wait, they can. Already I've said too much. I'm such a rat.
Well, I suppose I should end this rambling. Alice had once told me that to put my darkside at rest, I may need to relive my memories and ponder their meanings. She suggested a journal type thing. So here I am, spewing forth my memories, thoughts, feelings, and anything else I can convert to words. Besides, junior is wailing like a banshee again...I often wonder who's the attention-getter in this family...him or me. Ah, but that's probably another topic for this thing. And I'll wait before I call pest control. The rats on this planet are far nicer than the ones that ran amongst the corridors of the moonbase.
Kobayashi Rin
age 21