Disclaimer: Trigun characters are not mine. I only take responsibility for
personalities that I switch around.
*Well, folks.I`m really REALLY sorry that I left you guys on one hell of a cliffhanger. I didn`t think that FF.net would be down for so long. Hopefully this chapter will make up for that. Please don`t kill me..*curls into fetal position*
Chapter 9: Hard Decisions
I pace my room. I feel like staying in here for the rest of my life. After the most recent events I don`t want to see anyone.not even Milly. My feelings are a cross between confusion and emabrassment.not to mention feelings of anger.
`How could Knives do something like that? I know that he has amnesia and all but..and Vash.I ddn`t expect him to ask for my hand in marriage.damn it! That was so embarassing!`
I touch my lips and my cheeks begin to grow red all over again.
`I should be pummelling the both of them right now but.I don`t know how to explain it.I just can`t. Am I going insane? I actually have feelings for them.or am I just really confused right now?`
I hear a knock at the door.
"Meryl?"
It`s Milly. I go to turn the knob to allow her to come in but then I think better of it. I shake my head.
"I don`t want to talk right now."
"But, Meryl, I think that you sh.."
"I don`t want to talk, Milly!"
Silence then I hear her let out a long sigh.
"Alright. I`ll come check up on you later."
I listen to her walk away down the hall. Not but a few seconds later there is another knock. I shake my head in frustration.
"Milly, I told you that."
"Can I talk to you?"
`Vash?!`
Against my better judgement I open the door. He`s standing there. I half expect him to run into my arms and hug me until I can`t breath. I expect that because that is how the old Vash would have reacted. No. He does not do that. He only stares at me with those green eyes. He looks so sad. I aevert my eyes from his.
"What did you want to say, Vash?"
"I just wanted to apologize for what I did. I had no right to try and.in front of everyone."
"What`s done is done."
"I can tell by the way that you`re acting that you are bothered by it. Just accept my apology. I really should have been more concerned with your feelings and not mine."
".That`s a very nice thing of you to say."
"I only want you to be happy, Meryl.even if..even if I am not the one to provide that for you."
I feel strange when he says that. The way he says it makes me feel guilty. Really guilty. I look back up at him. He seems eager to hear me respond.
"Again, Vash.that is a very kind thing to say. I need some time to think. Can you let me think about this, please?"
He looks hurt again.
`Damn! I never say anything right!`
As he turns I clear my throat.
"Vash..thank you."
".No problem."
He leaves. When the door closes I fall back against the bed. I cover my face with my hands. I feel tears in my eyes.
`I can`t do this to them! Maybe it would be better if I just.`
Another knock on the door.
"Is that you, Vash?"
".No."
`Knives.`
"I need time to think, Knives! Please go away!"
".Okay."
I expect him to protest as his unusual behavior lately reminds me so much of Vash. Nothing. I get up and open the door.
`He`s not here. How strange. He probably wanted to apologize. Oh well. I`ll tell him tomorrow that it`s alright.as long as I get my space.`
I change and crawl into bed. I stare at the ceiling until eventually I find myself slowly drifting away.
------------------------------------------
I dread going downstairs. I don`t want to look into either of their eyes. I also don`t like the way that Milly looks at me. She always looked up to me before but now I`m not exactly being the best person for that to be possible. Since Wolfwood showed up she is around him a great deal more than with me.
`She has someone that she can look up to.and be with. Who..do I have?`
I start feeling myself going into that state of depression again. I began having these occurances ever since Vash brought Knives here in the first place. I`ve been telling myself that they are caused only by loneliness.and I think that`s exactly what that is.
I get up and put on my clothes. I hesitate then turn the knob of the door after approaching it slowly. I look out into the hallway. I hear faint voices from down the hall. I leave my room and walk until I am just outside of the kitchen. I step around the corner. The voices stop.
".Good morning." I hear myself say. Everyone replies back with the same greeting. I feel my cheeks grow red when I see two familiar faces watching me intently. I think that they sense my discomfort as they both look away at the same time. I sit down at the table. No one talks. They all remain completely silent. I would rather they go on talking. I wouldn`t feel so strange then. I look at everyone from my downward facing eyes. I notice that Vash looks even more down than yesterday. Knives looks about the same. Milly is staring at Wolfwood. She glances at me once then turns her attention back to Wolfwood.
".Can you pass the salt?" I ask quietly. Vash jumps about a foot into the air while Knives passes me the salt after spilling a great deal of it on the table. Milly lets out a giggle. She covers her mouth. We all look at each other. Wolfwood chuckles then begins to laugh. We all stare at him as if he was completely insane.
`What..`
Suddenly I can`t help but laugh. I really don`t understand why. Just a few seconds ago I felt so depressed. Now I only feel like laughing. Soon we are all laughing.
-------------------------------------
I feel a lot better now. Breakfast had been just what I needed.well.with the added laughter thrown in of course. I do my chores with a big smile on my face. I feel as though nothing in the world can get me down.
"Meryl.can we talk?"
`Damn.so close.`
I turn to face Knives. I leave my smile plastered on my face. I feel down again.
"Really? Right now?"
"If it wouldn`t be too much trouble.I would appreciate it."
`I can`t say no to that voice.`
"..Alright, Knives. After I`m finished with the dishes."
I go on cleaning. I can feel his eyes on me the entire time. I feel afraid. I never don`t remember being afraid of him before.well.since I found out that he had amnesia.
"I think that I`ll ask Vash to come along." I blurt out "He needs to be there too so we can sort this out in the proper way. He really needs to be there. He`s involved too."
".Fine."
His voice sounds angry.
`Maybe this isn`t such a good idea.`
".You understand what I mean, right?"
"Yeah. I understand.but I don`t agree."
I don`t really like the tone of his voice. I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I listen as he walks off. I turn. My heart still feels fearful.
`Why now? Why am afraid?`
-----------------------------------
My fear didn`t end even with Vash there. Everytime I look at Knives I want to shrink away in fear. Unfortunately I didn`t really realize how much that I want to be away from the both of them. Don`t get me wrong. I still care for them and all.but ever since Knives approached me in the litchen I`ve wanted to be away from them again.
`Why can`t this feeling just go away?!`
I mention to them that a walk through town may break the ice a bit then one of them could start talking. They agree without any kind of disagreement. I guess that is comforting..I guess. I feel the tension between them.mainly me. They were on either side of me and glaring at each other.
`Not again. This is really not worth it.is it? Am I really that important to them?`
"Meryl, I wanted to begin by saying that my behavior." Knives says.
"He`s just trying to kiss up to you!" Vash interrupts "He wouldn`t know how to treat a woman!"
Knives growls.
"Like you know any better! You couldn`t even admit that you liked her and."
"Well I was about to tell her when a certain someone had to go and ruin it when he knew damn well what I was doing!"
I can`t help but watch this exchange with a kind of curiousity.after I back up a little of course. They look about ready to kill each other. People around us stop to watch.
"You were too afraid to tell her anyways! I was doing you a favor!" Knives exclaims. Vash lughs.
"That`s true.but I saw her first!"
"She`s not a possession!"
"I know that! You know what I meant! You`re just twisting my words around so she`ll fall for you over me!"
"Why would I do that? She likes me better anyways!"
"In what world are you living in?!"
This is almost funny. I almost laugh but I stop myself.
`This has been going on long enough`
I want to say something but I can`t. I`m afraid again. Not only does Knives look more menacing but so does Vash. His eyes are starting to glow now. I can`t help but think that my deep sense of fear is now coming into reality.
`What if they use their angel arms? If they are too caught up in this.then people could be killed.`
I guess that my real true fear would be of Vash since Knives has yet to remember what an angel arm even is. I notice Vash`s hand move unconsciously to his side where a gun is strapped. My eyes widen.
`No, Vash!`
As if he heard my innermost thoughts he stops. He glances at me and nods. His eyes stop glowing. He puts his hands up.
"We shouldn`t be fighting like this."
"You`re trying to be on her good side!" Knives growls. Vash suddenly goes back to anger. His cheeks burn a little.
"You just don`t know when to quit, do you? You won`t quit until you find someway to embarrass me in front of Meryl! Are you happy now? You did! Let`s just forget about this and."
"No! I want you to apologize for getting in my way!"
Now Knives is screaming.
`That feeling.it`s coming back.`
Knives` yelling is getting more cutting now. Ever since he woke up he always kept his voice to an even tone despite the situation. His eyes are wild and he is beginning to use a great deal of profanity. Vash looks surpised too. Suddenly this fight is not about me anymore. Something is seriously wrong.
"Knives, what`s wrong with you? Why are you saying such things!"
"Shut up! Shut up!" Knives exclaims. Several people back away. I do too.
"Calm down!" Vash commands. Knives laughs. His laugh is cold.
`.This isn`t the Knives that I came to know. This is.`
"You always were such a fool, dear brother!"
`He.He remembers who he is again.`
"Kn.Knives?" Vash stutters. Knives` eyes are wide. A sadistic grin crosses his face.
"Yes! I remember it all now! It just hit me! What have I been doing for these past weeks! I`ve been acting so stupid! I`ve allowed humans to touch me and treat me like another human! How could you let them do that?! You know how I hate every single one of them!"
My heart grows cold when he says that. I feel like a knife is twisting away at it. This is like the time when Vash went off to fight Knives and when he came back with him. It doesn`t mean that I admit love to any of them.but recently all of these things that they are doing to each other are doing this to me..even if one of them seems to hate me. Suddenly Knives faces me. His eyes slit.
"Especially you! I actually pressed my lips against a human`s! How disgusting!"
My eyes shake. His face falters for a moment. His mouth twists into a frown. He looks about ready to kill me but something seems to be holding him back. Vash is behind me now. He puts his hands on my shoulders. I turn around and bury my face in Vash`s chest. He pits his arms around me as I cry.
"You need to shut up!" Vash exclaims "How dare you hurt her! She doesn`t need this kind of abuse.especially from you! I`m going to take her somewhere where you can`t hurt her anymore!"
I don`t pull away from him. He turns me away and begins walking.
"Come back here! You won`t take that human anywhere!"
His voice falters.
`So.his love for me when he had amnesia really did have an effect on him..or he`s just trying some kind of scheme to get Vash to fight him.`
I can`t really decide which.
"I`m talking to you!" I hear him scream. Vash says nothing. He guides me away and I am all too eager to follow.but can I really go away with Vash.or is my heart telling me to do something else?
***Will this story ever end? I don`t know.it depends how much torture I can whip up. I`m sorry if this chapter seemed rushed. If not.then cool! Don`t worry. The story will end.someday. LOL! You never know.next chapter or a few later. Does Meryl love Vash or does she actually love Knives deep down? Will she go with Vash or stay behind? Oh! When will it all end?!?!? Until then.thank you for reading! I appreciate that greatly! ^.^
*Well, folks.I`m really REALLY sorry that I left you guys on one hell of a cliffhanger. I didn`t think that FF.net would be down for so long. Hopefully this chapter will make up for that. Please don`t kill me..*curls into fetal position*
Chapter 9: Hard Decisions
I pace my room. I feel like staying in here for the rest of my life. After the most recent events I don`t want to see anyone.not even Milly. My feelings are a cross between confusion and emabrassment.not to mention feelings of anger.
`How could Knives do something like that? I know that he has amnesia and all but..and Vash.I ddn`t expect him to ask for my hand in marriage.damn it! That was so embarassing!`
I touch my lips and my cheeks begin to grow red all over again.
`I should be pummelling the both of them right now but.I don`t know how to explain it.I just can`t. Am I going insane? I actually have feelings for them.or am I just really confused right now?`
I hear a knock at the door.
"Meryl?"
It`s Milly. I go to turn the knob to allow her to come in but then I think better of it. I shake my head.
"I don`t want to talk right now."
"But, Meryl, I think that you sh.."
"I don`t want to talk, Milly!"
Silence then I hear her let out a long sigh.
"Alright. I`ll come check up on you later."
I listen to her walk away down the hall. Not but a few seconds later there is another knock. I shake my head in frustration.
"Milly, I told you that."
"Can I talk to you?"
`Vash?!`
Against my better judgement I open the door. He`s standing there. I half expect him to run into my arms and hug me until I can`t breath. I expect that because that is how the old Vash would have reacted. No. He does not do that. He only stares at me with those green eyes. He looks so sad. I aevert my eyes from his.
"What did you want to say, Vash?"
"I just wanted to apologize for what I did. I had no right to try and.in front of everyone."
"What`s done is done."
"I can tell by the way that you`re acting that you are bothered by it. Just accept my apology. I really should have been more concerned with your feelings and not mine."
".That`s a very nice thing of you to say."
"I only want you to be happy, Meryl.even if..even if I am not the one to provide that for you."
I feel strange when he says that. The way he says it makes me feel guilty. Really guilty. I look back up at him. He seems eager to hear me respond.
"Again, Vash.that is a very kind thing to say. I need some time to think. Can you let me think about this, please?"
He looks hurt again.
`Damn! I never say anything right!`
As he turns I clear my throat.
"Vash..thank you."
".No problem."
He leaves. When the door closes I fall back against the bed. I cover my face with my hands. I feel tears in my eyes.
`I can`t do this to them! Maybe it would be better if I just.`
Another knock on the door.
"Is that you, Vash?"
".No."
`Knives.`
"I need time to think, Knives! Please go away!"
".Okay."
I expect him to protest as his unusual behavior lately reminds me so much of Vash. Nothing. I get up and open the door.
`He`s not here. How strange. He probably wanted to apologize. Oh well. I`ll tell him tomorrow that it`s alright.as long as I get my space.`
I change and crawl into bed. I stare at the ceiling until eventually I find myself slowly drifting away.
------------------------------------------
I dread going downstairs. I don`t want to look into either of their eyes. I also don`t like the way that Milly looks at me. She always looked up to me before but now I`m not exactly being the best person for that to be possible. Since Wolfwood showed up she is around him a great deal more than with me.
`She has someone that she can look up to.and be with. Who..do I have?`
I start feeling myself going into that state of depression again. I began having these occurances ever since Vash brought Knives here in the first place. I`ve been telling myself that they are caused only by loneliness.and I think that`s exactly what that is.
I get up and put on my clothes. I hesitate then turn the knob of the door after approaching it slowly. I look out into the hallway. I hear faint voices from down the hall. I leave my room and walk until I am just outside of the kitchen. I step around the corner. The voices stop.
".Good morning." I hear myself say. Everyone replies back with the same greeting. I feel my cheeks grow red when I see two familiar faces watching me intently. I think that they sense my discomfort as they both look away at the same time. I sit down at the table. No one talks. They all remain completely silent. I would rather they go on talking. I wouldn`t feel so strange then. I look at everyone from my downward facing eyes. I notice that Vash looks even more down than yesterday. Knives looks about the same. Milly is staring at Wolfwood. She glances at me once then turns her attention back to Wolfwood.
".Can you pass the salt?" I ask quietly. Vash jumps about a foot into the air while Knives passes me the salt after spilling a great deal of it on the table. Milly lets out a giggle. She covers her mouth. We all look at each other. Wolfwood chuckles then begins to laugh. We all stare at him as if he was completely insane.
`What..`
Suddenly I can`t help but laugh. I really don`t understand why. Just a few seconds ago I felt so depressed. Now I only feel like laughing. Soon we are all laughing.
-------------------------------------
I feel a lot better now. Breakfast had been just what I needed.well.with the added laughter thrown in of course. I do my chores with a big smile on my face. I feel as though nothing in the world can get me down.
"Meryl.can we talk?"
`Damn.so close.`
I turn to face Knives. I leave my smile plastered on my face. I feel down again.
"Really? Right now?"
"If it wouldn`t be too much trouble.I would appreciate it."
`I can`t say no to that voice.`
"..Alright, Knives. After I`m finished with the dishes."
I go on cleaning. I can feel his eyes on me the entire time. I feel afraid. I never don`t remember being afraid of him before.well.since I found out that he had amnesia.
"I think that I`ll ask Vash to come along." I blurt out "He needs to be there too so we can sort this out in the proper way. He really needs to be there. He`s involved too."
".Fine."
His voice sounds angry.
`Maybe this isn`t such a good idea.`
".You understand what I mean, right?"
"Yeah. I understand.but I don`t agree."
I don`t really like the tone of his voice. I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I listen as he walks off. I turn. My heart still feels fearful.
`Why now? Why am afraid?`
-----------------------------------
My fear didn`t end even with Vash there. Everytime I look at Knives I want to shrink away in fear. Unfortunately I didn`t really realize how much that I want to be away from the both of them. Don`t get me wrong. I still care for them and all.but ever since Knives approached me in the litchen I`ve wanted to be away from them again.
`Why can`t this feeling just go away?!`
I mention to them that a walk through town may break the ice a bit then one of them could start talking. They agree without any kind of disagreement. I guess that is comforting..I guess. I feel the tension between them.mainly me. They were on either side of me and glaring at each other.
`Not again. This is really not worth it.is it? Am I really that important to them?`
"Meryl, I wanted to begin by saying that my behavior." Knives says.
"He`s just trying to kiss up to you!" Vash interrupts "He wouldn`t know how to treat a woman!"
Knives growls.
"Like you know any better! You couldn`t even admit that you liked her and."
"Well I was about to tell her when a certain someone had to go and ruin it when he knew damn well what I was doing!"
I can`t help but watch this exchange with a kind of curiousity.after I back up a little of course. They look about ready to kill each other. People around us stop to watch.
"You were too afraid to tell her anyways! I was doing you a favor!" Knives exclaims. Vash lughs.
"That`s true.but I saw her first!"
"She`s not a possession!"
"I know that! You know what I meant! You`re just twisting my words around so she`ll fall for you over me!"
"Why would I do that? She likes me better anyways!"
"In what world are you living in?!"
This is almost funny. I almost laugh but I stop myself.
`This has been going on long enough`
I want to say something but I can`t. I`m afraid again. Not only does Knives look more menacing but so does Vash. His eyes are starting to glow now. I can`t help but think that my deep sense of fear is now coming into reality.
`What if they use their angel arms? If they are too caught up in this.then people could be killed.`
I guess that my real true fear would be of Vash since Knives has yet to remember what an angel arm even is. I notice Vash`s hand move unconsciously to his side where a gun is strapped. My eyes widen.
`No, Vash!`
As if he heard my innermost thoughts he stops. He glances at me and nods. His eyes stop glowing. He puts his hands up.
"We shouldn`t be fighting like this."
"You`re trying to be on her good side!" Knives growls. Vash suddenly goes back to anger. His cheeks burn a little.
"You just don`t know when to quit, do you? You won`t quit until you find someway to embarrass me in front of Meryl! Are you happy now? You did! Let`s just forget about this and."
"No! I want you to apologize for getting in my way!"
Now Knives is screaming.
`That feeling.it`s coming back.`
Knives` yelling is getting more cutting now. Ever since he woke up he always kept his voice to an even tone despite the situation. His eyes are wild and he is beginning to use a great deal of profanity. Vash looks surpised too. Suddenly this fight is not about me anymore. Something is seriously wrong.
"Knives, what`s wrong with you? Why are you saying such things!"
"Shut up! Shut up!" Knives exclaims. Several people back away. I do too.
"Calm down!" Vash commands. Knives laughs. His laugh is cold.
`.This isn`t the Knives that I came to know. This is.`
"You always were such a fool, dear brother!"
`He.He remembers who he is again.`
"Kn.Knives?" Vash stutters. Knives` eyes are wide. A sadistic grin crosses his face.
"Yes! I remember it all now! It just hit me! What have I been doing for these past weeks! I`ve been acting so stupid! I`ve allowed humans to touch me and treat me like another human! How could you let them do that?! You know how I hate every single one of them!"
My heart grows cold when he says that. I feel like a knife is twisting away at it. This is like the time when Vash went off to fight Knives and when he came back with him. It doesn`t mean that I admit love to any of them.but recently all of these things that they are doing to each other are doing this to me..even if one of them seems to hate me. Suddenly Knives faces me. His eyes slit.
"Especially you! I actually pressed my lips against a human`s! How disgusting!"
My eyes shake. His face falters for a moment. His mouth twists into a frown. He looks about ready to kill me but something seems to be holding him back. Vash is behind me now. He puts his hands on my shoulders. I turn around and bury my face in Vash`s chest. He pits his arms around me as I cry.
"You need to shut up!" Vash exclaims "How dare you hurt her! She doesn`t need this kind of abuse.especially from you! I`m going to take her somewhere where you can`t hurt her anymore!"
I don`t pull away from him. He turns me away and begins walking.
"Come back here! You won`t take that human anywhere!"
His voice falters.
`So.his love for me when he had amnesia really did have an effect on him..or he`s just trying some kind of scheme to get Vash to fight him.`
I can`t really decide which.
"I`m talking to you!" I hear him scream. Vash says nothing. He guides me away and I am all too eager to follow.but can I really go away with Vash.or is my heart telling me to do something else?
***Will this story ever end? I don`t know.it depends how much torture I can whip up. I`m sorry if this chapter seemed rushed. If not.then cool! Don`t worry. The story will end.someday. LOL! You never know.next chapter or a few later. Does Meryl love Vash or does she actually love Knives deep down? Will she go with Vash or stay behind? Oh! When will it all end?!?!? Until then.thank you for reading! I appreciate that greatly! ^.^